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They shared their first kiss underneath a crooked awning of the temple, situated to the side where half of it was covered by the mountain’s shade, frayed banners picked up by the wind.
It was further away from the steep stairs that was overgrown with grass stalks, with moss that climbed in-between the cracks, making it far too easy to slip. And of course, Colette had done so when she left for her church lessons, only saved from a complete fall by Lloyd’s reflexes, even as his own boots almost sent them tumbling across the top steps. Only fifteen, but his own motions at least held more surety, his arms holding her up high.
Colette had scraped her knee, biting her lip to keep out a small whine from the sharp sting. Lloyd resumed the climb up the stairs, feeling quick relief when they arrived at the top and there were no nosy priests in sight, only the cool shadows over them. “How do you go up this every day without falling?” he asked, his smile sneaking through. “Good thing I came to walk with you.”
“I don’t usually slip here,” she had said. “Not unless…” And it was soft and quiet, her words traveling just underneath his ear as he carried her. The shade was comfortable, and he had only meant to set her down for a moment before finding his lips brushing against her own. Her hair tickled his forehead, and her hands reached to wrap around his shoulders, the way they always did whenever he’d swing her up in his arms as he helped her get on top of Noishe to ride.
The shade held them close, even as he felt a sliver of the sun rise to meet his neck. His hands moved to grip her waist – to keep her steady? Or himself? – before she stepped away.
“S-Sorry,” she said, looking away. Behind her was another entrance to the temple, a place where the candles hadn’t been lit inside, where no windows had been placed, the hallway dark. “Sorry, thank you. I mean… thank you for carrying me!”
Her voice was full of guilt. It made no sense to him. And yet she smiled all the same.
He was too late to say anything before she rushed inside the temple, her scrape forgotten, her hair moving as quick as the waves bathed in sunlight. Lloyd thought about following her, but he didn’t know the way inside the temple. That and the priests always turned him away, always made him feel so badly for wanting the Chosen to come outside with him to walk alongside the shore.
“What’s with you?” Genis had asked once Lloyd came back to the schoolhouse. “Colette rejected you coming along this time?” The boy had meant it as a joke, already laughing in his seat. But even he noticed the somber look in Lloyd’s face, how he collapsed into his chair.
“Uh huh…” was all he would say, tucking his head against his folded arms on the desk. The lesson conducting ahead of him was nothing but white noise as he went over the kiss again and again. He could only remember the feel of her hands on his shoulders, and how closely she had brought him in.
They shared their second kiss in Hima, after Colette asked him to follow her to the top of the cliff.
Hima was such a small village, smaller even then Iselia, with only its inn clearly seen from the entrance, while other structures and homes were placed at lower levels of the mountain. Lloyd felt the wind tug at his coat the higher he climbed, shivering and noticing through every step how Colette didn’t flinch at each gust at all.
Her broken necklace still in his pocket, he watched as she reached for his hand. He had taken off his gloves, wanting to understand her as easily as he could. “Can I…ask a…favor?” Lloyd blinked as he read aloud, raising his eyes to her. “What is it?”
At times, he thought he’d hear something from her – or maybe it was just wishful thinking. But the way she smiled reminded him of her laughter, the quick and playful comments she’d make about him, all of it uplifting and warm. Her fingers curled inside his palm, and when she traced them next, it was, at first, just to follow the lines across his hand, until…
Can you forgive me for hurting you?
Maybe, perhaps, he should have denied it outright. But her words brought a quick flash of certain things that stung his heart; her letter in his hands, the brush of her fingers when she took the coffee from him and smiled all the while, the shade of the mountain as she leaned towards him.
Lloyd was too late to hide it, and Colette bit her lip, tracing in his hand once more. That’s selfish of me.
“Wait, no, it’s not.” Lloyd gripped her hands, but lightly, because he still wanted to hear her words. “That’s not fair to you… after everything you’ve gone through.”
Colette smiled and it was painful in its shape, in the way it was so close to him. Her fingers again in his palm, their touch feather-light. And because it was so light, he scrunched his forehead as he focused on it, the constant wind on the mountaintop forever trying to distract him with its pull on his clothes, with its sound in his ears.
“I’ll just…k…keep… Agh, sorry it’s hard now…” Even when Colette finished writing, he tried to remember the shapes she made, painting herself into his touch. “Keep…hurting…you…”
He paused. Colette lowered her face just a bit, yet he could hear the cadence of her breathing. “I don’t really understand..”
When she leaned in to kiss him for a second time, was it really that bad to be selfish, to ask something from another so carefully, both hope and fear inside of you all at once?
Her lips were gentle, fitting over his, and maybe Lloyd was more clumsy, more self-conscious than last time, but her hair still tickled him. He might have kissed her for the rest of the night if the cold didn’t keep trying to freeze his hands.
“Colette…” he whispered, letting go for just a moment. Only later would he feel the guilt, when he realized she wasn’t able to feel it, any of it, along with the biting wind surrounding them. How was that even fair at all?
But she smiled again, hands gripping his own to lead them back down the mountain to the others.
Even then, she gave him back a piece of something he had felt missing since that summer day, with the banner of the temple fluttering next to them. She had chosen that, and he couldn’t bring himself to deny her that one freedom left to her.
They shared their third kiss at Altessa’s, the night sky numerous with stars, and his present held lightly between her fingers.
“Colette?” Lloyd called out from the front door, having found her bed empty, and the snores of Genis much too overpowering. “You’re still up?”
The old fear of the angelic sickness came back, but he saw her try to hide a yawn that didn’t look forced. She sat on a nearby wooden bench, boots making indents in the dirt. “I’m okay,” she said, and he was only half-convinced, her smile just barely seen through the moonlight. “I can sleep, I just don’t know if I want to yet.”
Maybe that should have been enough, along with the way she kept flicking her gaze to him when he went to sit beside her, then back to the skies. On nights like these, she would trace the patterns of the stars with him, and in Tethe’alla, he could already tell such patterns here were different. They’d have to start all over again, but he didn’t mind, just as he didn’t mind being out in the late night, as long as he could be with her.
The path to Altessa’s house was plain, and only to the side could he see the storage of the dwarf placed near the wall of his home, in wooden crates and clay pots. “You know, I wonder if this is how dad used to live…” he said absently. “Though he said his home was more underground.”
“Do you think he still has it? His old home, I mean?” Colette’s eyes sparkled at the idea, pulling out a grin from him. “Maybe we can ask to go visit it!”
“We could! But it probably has low ceilings… We’d be hitting our heads the entire time.”
“Then can you protect my head with yours? Genis always says you have the toughest head around!”
“Heh, well, I am tough… Hey, wait, I don’t think that’s a compliment!”
When she laughed, it was radiant almost. A sound that wasn’t filtered or dimmed, that seemed to shine all the brighter when she reached to take his hand. Her thumb brushed over his Exsphere, sending a warm tingle through him, and it made him think, made him want on that word, on selfishness.
Yet as Lloyd debated with himself, Colette had shifted close, leaning in to kiss his cheek. Soft. Sudden. I’ve missed this.
He knew it had been an instinctive thing from her. For it was just the moment her lips left his cheek did he see the change in her eyes. She held her hand loosely, unsure. “I’m…sorry? That just happened…I…”
It took everything in him to not sigh then.
“You’re so stupid,” he whispered, gripping her hand, bringing her close. And she didn’t turn away, even as he kissed her – but over her forehead, her skin warm over his lips. The wind brought in the scent of her hair, strands of them brushing his cheeks. “Why wouldn’t I want that from you?”
Colette opened her mouth, then closed it, one hand reaching for the necklace and pulling on it gently, the chain crinkling and turning in on itself. “I just… I just keep making mistakes with this…” A quick blink, and she looked to the floor. “I’m taught to not want it… but I did and so that’s why I ran and… and then I was selfish and took your kiss again when I couldn’t feel anything… and I really wanted to…”
Lloyd saw how the moonlight fell down her cheek – and so he followed it, kissing her skin there and hearing her take in a breath. Lingering, all as his hands moved to encircle her. “But you can feel that now, can’t you?”
Colette closed her eyes, leaning her head against his chest. Her lips rested against the base of his throat. “I can feel…too much…” But she didn’t sound distressed – she sounded eager, excited, and yet also content as she pressed against him.
Was there something else in him to then want to kiss her fully, to give her all that had been taken away? Maybe his own selfishness too, but he waited. He just embraced her instead, giving small kisses to her forehead, her cheek, and even the tip of her nose. It made her giggle, eliciting a smile from him. Only later, after more tickling kisses did he kiss her lips, and only when she raised her head to his.
He hoped she would never have to feel that old guilt again.
They shared their fourth kiss, their fifth, sixth, seventh – all continuing as if on a chain that Lloyd was keen to follow. In Flanoir, for why wouldn’t be drawn to kissing her the moment she gently placed the figurine in his hands, her fingers shaking through not only the cold? He saw the fine edges of snowflakes as he leaned in, caught on her eyelashes, drifting back into the air as she lowered them halfway.
In Heimdall, as the moon rose, as fireflies danced around them, promising her a world that they’d never have to be alone again. It was easier to kiss now, to fall into the rhythms of her laughter after each press of his lips against skin.
In Iselia, as he lifted her onto Noishe with him, ready to set off down the road. The kiss she gave him had been so second-nature, that he rarely even thought on it even happening. Just the warmth that was left with him, and the urge to kiss her in return, so that this time, he could fully remember it.
And it was only in their seventh kiss did he finally realize he had never told her that he loved her.
It happened after they had set up camping for the night, the travels of the day weighing down his arms. He could barely set up their sleeping blankets, sighing out the exhaustion from his mouth. Colette had gone to put away their packs safely, and so he was left to this one simple task that he had done dozens of times, all to the crackles of their campfire.
His first thought was that it was just too hot, that the summer heat was quickly burning up what little energy he had, leaving him to sink. So how could he fix that? “I’ll just take this off,” he mumbled and nodded to himself. Hands that could barely roll out the blankets couldn’t unbutton that much better, but eventually he succeeded, throwing the jacket onto the grass, with his undershirt following quick.
A moment of pure relief as he stretched and felt the cool air at his bare back – and then heard the soft giggle just to his side.
“If you were hot, we could have stayed at an inn.”
Not like he didn’t expect Colette to be here, but maybe the heat really had been getting to him. He laughed nervously, knowing that this wasn’t any different to being dressed like he was going to the beach. Except this wasn’t a beach, and no body of water that size was anywhere near them. He turned to see her standing just a few feet away, arms behind her back, a great smile on her face. “The nearest inn is way too far. And I’m just a little bit hot!”
“Oh, I see.” Colette nodded, and knelt next to him to help unroll the last remaining wrinkle of the blankets. “Then maybe we should have camped at Flanoir.”
“But then it would have been way too cold…” he weakly argued.
“Hm, couldn’t we warm each other up?” she asked him, and there was something eager in the way she said it. He looked at her, at how her knees touched his, eyes on his face – with the occasional flicker at his chest. “Kisses are warm.”
Different, because even as he felt the flush on his cheeks, there was a turn in Colette’s voice that was more confident. The way she didn’t really take her eyes away to the side, how her smile never wavered. Lloyd scratched the back of his head. “Are you just asking me to kiss you now?”
“Hm…” Colette visibly pondered, then moved closer to him, so close that her hair tickled along the front of his torso. “Yeah. I want you to kiss me.”
The wind rushed against him, making him shiver just a bit. “Ah… shouldn’t I dress first?”
Colette tilted her head slightly. “Do you need to?”
He took that as a gentle way of Colette saying, Please not yet.
With a smile, he shifted closer. “Okay,” he said, relaxing, making sure that this was truly okay as he leaned forward. Her lips met his, no longer as hesitant as their other ones, falling quicker into the rhythm as if it were a dance. He felt Colette move in closer, a hand pressing just against the center of his chest.
The touch was nearly electric, making him gasp a little into her mouth before pulling away softly. “Sorry, having…trouble breathing a little.” From the hard day of traveling they had, or because of her touch? It was difficult to say.
Colette hummed thoughtfully, the same hand on his chest trailing up towards his collarbone. “Would it be better if I kissed you?”
In their first kiss, she had reached for him. Maybe only just now did he realize something, but he simply nodded, feeling the tingle on his skin where she touched. “I wouldn’t complain,” he teased.
But as the campfire slowly dwindled, as he expected her lips to find his own again – she instead leaned somewhere else. Mouth pressed against the center of his chest, right at the small dip where a pendant would usually find its place. Lloyd shuddered, a small sound leaving his throat, but didn’t pull away.
It was true that he wasn’t going to complain, but he was still surprised. “T-That tickled!” he could only say, wincing at his own words.
Colette raised her eyes to him. “So, would it be better here?” she asked, and then lifted herself up on her knees to reach him – placing her mouth against his neck, a soft kiss that made his pulse flutter just against it.
“C-Colette..” he whispered, one hand gripping her own, entwining their fingers. “Colette… I’m already really warm..”
“Oh… that’s right.” Colette giggled against his throat, her smile felt on his skin. He surrendered to her kisses over his chin, then back down, just to the top of his chest. “So it’s too much?”
Lloyd shook his head, arms embracing her, clinging tight. “I love you,” he said, the words finally imprinting in his head. How long had they done this, had they traveled, and he had never even said such words to her? “I love you so much, Colette.”
Her lips kissed his earlobe, then his cheek, until she reached his mouth, her hands tracing patterns against his bare chest. Just a few months back, she would have been too shy for any of this at all. “I love you…too… Ah!”
He wasn’t sure how she fell, but she did right on top of him, his arms instinctively clutching at her coat to keep her near. Laughter spilled from both, his back fully hitting the dry, slightly pointy grass instead of the soft sleeping blankets. “You dork!” he said, unable to stop laughing, unable to stop kissing her, his own lips traveling from her mouth to her neck. “Such a dork, I love you…”
“I…do too! Ah, it really does tickle though!”
Still, he thought back to that warm day at the temple, how hesitant and shy – but how she had kissed him first. Even from back then, she had always wanted to share it with him.
Worries and regrets can leave, little by little, and each kiss seemed to chase them away, replaced with something else. I love you, he thought, as her lips took his, knowing he would never get tired of such a thing, like the feel of the sun on his face, or the refreshing breeze from a nearby sea.