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Chapter Text

               When she finally closed the front door behind her after what felt like an eternity since she was last here, Claire let out a huge sigh. That was that. It was finally over. She ran a hand over her exhausted and rather emotional face, stifling back a bit of a yawn as she did. It had just gone midnight by the time she’d finally made it home after flying back from Italy, clearing customs, as well as submitting to the covid testing that had come to define her life this year. But despite the late hour she knew she wasn’t about to sleep, not that she really needed to. It wasn’t like she had to be at the factory first thing in the morning to lead the team debrief on what exactly had happened over the weekend. Or go to a budget meeting where she had to hear how close they were to being bankrupt. Or anything like that anymore to do with the team. She was no longer the Deputy Team Principal of Williams after her final Grand Prix that weekend. Claire shook her head a little as she tried to process that fact again. She was no longer in charge of the family team, of the team that bore her surname. Tears would have pricked at her eyes at the thought if it wasn’t for the fact she’d practically cried them all out on the flight home from Monza. Quietly she left her suitcase and track bag in their usual space by the front door, she’d unpack them tomorrow. Saying a quick hello to her dogs she decided to make her way towards the kitchen, thinking that maybe a hot chocolate or some dacaff coffee would help her right now and calm the internal storm that was raging. She was shocked however when she came into the kitchen though to find the lights on dim and her partner there, still up and waiting for her. Wordlessly they came over, pulling Claire into a tight cuddle and kissing her cheek softly. Claire relaxed immediately into the embrace and sighed yet again. “I really didn’t expect you to still be up.” She said softly to Susie as the Scot stroked Claire’s hair a little, trying her best to bring some comfort to her right now.

“Well I figured you could do with some company after everything today. I heard the car pulling up and I thought maybe you’d want a chat and some hot chocolate.” She replied as she indicated to the two very large white mugs she’d gotten out just for the occasion, as well as the saucepan to boil the milk. Claire smiled a little when she saw the sight.

“You know it’s like you read my mind.” She admitted to Susie.

               A few minutes later the pair were cuddled up on their sofa in the living room. The fireplace providing an ambient light as well as a slight warmth to the room, taking off the edge of the September chill that was in the air. They both had a large mug of hot chocolate each in their hands, and their feet were tangled together on the foot stall as they cuddled close. Claire’s two adorable Labradors were sleeping soundly on the floor by the sofa, both in a world of their own right now as they lounged about. Susie took a much-needed sip of her drink before speaking.

“I still feel awful I wasn’t there this weekend.” She admitted softly to Claire. She’d really wanted to be there for Claire’s final race to help and support her along, but it sadly just hadn’t been possible. Claire shook her head a little, completely understanding why Susie hadn’t been at such a momentous occasion.

“Don’t be. The covid restrictions for the paddock were insane, you wouldn’t have gotten in. And we both agreed no international travel for the boys this year unless we absolutely had no choice.” She reminded her. With covid such a threat both Susie and Claire had taken the decision to keep Jack and Nate as safe as they could by not travelling pointlessly. This included the whole family going to races around the world, not that they really could with the restrictions on the paddocks in F1 and FE too. Luckily for them, because of the nature of FE being street based in cities, Susie had found a lot more races being cancelled for her than Claire in F1, meaning she’d been the one to stay home with the boys. A part of her had really enjoyed it actually, she loved being a mum to the two of them. But at times like this it had hurt her a little being forced to be on the side-lines with them while Claire tackled this huge change by herself.

“I know. I’m still allowed to be upset I missed your final race.” She reminded her as the two of them had a sip again of their drinks. Both taking a moment to indulge in the chocolatiness of them. “I see the team let you fire up George’s car and lead Nikki out. I bet that was fun.” Susie smiled at Claire who looked just a little horrified as she played back that memory in her head.

“Are you kidding me?! I was scared I was going to break the engine on George’s car.” She admitted to her, making Susie chuckle a little at the silliness of her girlfriend.

“The team wouldn’t have let that happen.” Susie assured her, falling back into a quiet silence soon after. She could tell there was something in the air around Claire right now, as their had been since she made the decision to stand down from the team. She hoped now that it had actually happened, just maybe Claire would open up. When she couldn’t take the silence any longer Susie spoke again. “So, how are you feeling about everything?” She asked Claire delicately, knowing this was a huge and emotional moment for her girlfriend. Claire was silent for a while as she thought about Susie’s question and just how to answer something like that. All that could be heard during that time was the crackle of the fire, the ticking of a clock somewhere in their living room, and the soft snoring of the dogs as they dreamed. Eventually Claire took a sip of her drink before replying.

               “Honestly… I’m not sure how I feel right now. It’s just a jumble of feelings. Some good, some bad. All I know is there’s a lot of them. You must know how that feels, after all you had to retire from Williams and racing.” Claire reminded her as she cuddled into Susie tightly.

“Sort of.” Susie agreed with her. She knew Claire was right about the emotions, there had been so many swirling around her in what felt like an uncontrollable storm when she’d finally made the decision to retire as a driver. Chief among them heartbreak, sorrow, and disappointment that she’d been unable to achieve her childhood dream of being a Formula 1 driver. There was also of course anger and frustration that she’d been so close to achieving her long held dream, but that she’d had to give it up in the end just short of her goal. But she also remembered the feeling of hope she had too. Knowing that while this chapter of her life was over she still had a hell of a lot more to write. And there was some happiness too that she was no longer chained to an impossibly regimented schedule it felt of training, sim work, mind numbingly boring team meetings, restrictive driver diets, and of course endless travel around the world. She was free to live her life on her own terms again. She could call the shots, not the team. “I mean I gave up on a childhood dream that always looked like it was going to be nearly impossible to achieve. You’re giving up on something more.” She admitted to her.

“That’s the thing though. Being a driver was something you wanted since you were a child. It was never my dream to work at Williams as a kid.” She reminded her as she had a drink.

“That’s because Williams was your childhood Claire. Williams was your life from the second you were old enough to understand about the team. It wasn’t some dream of yours because you were already living it.” Susie reminded her. She knew just what the team meant, not just to Claire but the whole of the Williams family. For every single one of them it was like an additional sibling and a child in one. Some people treated their teams just as that, teams. It was a job. Admittedly a fun and at times a stressful job, but it was just a job. Susie had to admit that there were times she was guilty of this with Venturi. But for Claire and her fmaily, Williams was more than just a job at a team. It was an embodiment on her family legacy and the personification of a most beloved family member. So walking away from it must have been utterly destroying for her. Claire sat there and thought about what Susie said, taking a small sip of her hot chocolate as she relaxed further into her partner’s embrace.

               “I suppose you’re right.” Claire agreed with her as she gave a dejected sigh. “It was my life. And now I don’t know what to do with the team being gone.” She admitted. Susie cuddled her a little tighter.

“You know my offer still stands. You’re more than welcome to come and be the deputy at Venturi.” She reminded her. The second Claire had decided her future was no longer with Williams, Susie had instantly offered her the deputyship at Venturi. It had nothing to do with Claire being her partner, though there was a small bit of Susie that had relished the idea of working with her girlfriend again, and everything to do with Susie needing a competent and accomplished deputy who could hit the ground running. Claire swiftly shook her head though.

“No. I can’t. I really can’t.” She replied as she cuddled Susie. “For the same reason I can’t work at Williams without my family being in charge, I can’t work for Venturi. It would just be a team to me… It wouldn’t be Williams. It wouldn’t be something I could put everything into, and you deserve a deputy who can do that.” She said softly to her. Susie planted a small kiss on top of Claire’s head. They’d had this conversation multiple times now and she knew where Claire stood on the whole thing. That didn’t mean she wasn’t going to offer her the job just one more time.

“I know. I know how you feel about new teams. Maybe you could talk to Michelle instead about the Women in Motorsport commission for the FIA? She could probably do with some help managing Carmen.” She joked. Claire snorted a little at her girlfriend’s comment as she had another sip of her drink before shrugging a little.

“Maybe at some point I’ll contact her and see if she wants me to help. I think for now I just need to take a break from Motorsport.” She admitted to her. Susie nodded in agreement.

“I know that feeling. Take the break you need and take some time to sort things out. Something will come along for you when you least expect it.” Susie assured her as the two went quiet again, just enjoying the cuddle and quiet for once in what was their normally hectic lives. Though Susie could sense that Claire wasn’t saying something that was on her mind. Something that had clearly been bothering her since she’d made the decision to walk away from Williams. She gave her a small squeeze as she cuddled her. “You know, you can tell me what’s bothering you… No judgement of course. I just want to help you.” She said softly to her. Claire was incredibly quiet for a moment before speaking up.

               “You said it yourself earlier, Williams was my childhood, my teenagehood, and my adulthood. It was my family, the place where complete strangers became honorary Williams family members, like Patrick and Nigel. It was where I spent all my free time during school holidays and weekends. It was where I had my first kiss with a junior mechanic and where I experienced my first heartbreak. It’s where I met you.” She looked at Susie. Susie could see just how many emotions were swirling in Claire’s eyes right now as tears began to once again fill her eyes. “It was my life and without it I don’t know what to do… I don’t know who the hell I am without Williams.” She admitted as it felt like a huge pressure that she’d been under for weeks come rushing out now that she’d told Susie. She honestly didn’t know who she was without the team. She was so intrinsically linked with the team that shared her name; she really didn’t know who she was away from it. Who she was as a person now she wasn’t in charge. When she heard Claire admit this Susie was a little horrified as she looked at her girlfriend before pulling her into a very tight cuddle.

“Oh Clairebear.” She said softly as she felt her girlfriend start to cry a little. Cuddling her tightly. “You’re more than the team. Yes, the team was a part of your life, but it wasn’t your whole life. I fell in love with you as a person Claire, not you as the team.” She said firmly, reminding her of that important fact.

“But I feel like they’re the same person, me and the team. You can’t have one without the other, I am the team and the team is me. We are Williams. And without my team I don’t know who I am as a person.” She sobbed as she cuddled Susie closely, in a way a child cuddles their mum when they’re scared about the future ahead for them. Perhaps this was the curse of Williams. To make it more than just another team on the grid, or another fancy job title. To make it what it was to her family, which was a living family member as far as they were concerned, it needed the very souls of the Williams family. It had consumed the whole family in it’s own way, becoming what felt like a very part of their identity and something they could never escape. And even if they wanted to they couldn’t, it was their name and their team. She had almost been jealous in a way of Susie getting to run Venturi. She loved her job and clearly had a passion for what she was doing with the Formula E team. But at the same time she could be herself and be free. Venturi didn’t consume her the same way Williams had consumed Claire.

The way Williams had consumed her was something that actually terrified Claire a lot. Without her beloved team who had her soul at the heart of them, who was she? Her whole life it felt like was built around the family team, her whole existence as a person. And here she was now without it, what did that leave of her. Of the real Claire Williams. Susie cuddled her tightly, trying desperately hard to provide some form of comfort to her girlfriend right now.

“I’ll tell you who you are. You are Claire. You’re an incredibly kind, driven woman who is determined to see things through to the very end. You’re passionate, loyal, and you don’t take crap from anyone. You have the most wicked sense of humour and a personality that people adore. You are an unbelievably amazing girlfriend to me, and the perfect mum to Nate and Jack too. None of these things are going to change just because you don’t have the team anymore. You are so much more than the team Claire. I wish you could see that right now, and I wish you could see yourself the way I see you because you’d realise all of these wonderful things about you have nothing to do with your job. They’re all you.” She said to her. A few tears of her own pricking at her eyes now as well. She absolutely hated the idea that Claire thought she was nothing without the team. The team were nothing without her. Hearing her words Claire gave a small sniff as she cuddled Susie. Taking the words to heart that Susie had said. Maybe her girlfriend was right, maybe she really was more than the team.

“I love you Susie. Thank you for your kind words.” She said very quietly to her as she cuddled her closely.

“I love you too Claire, always will. Don’t worry okay, you have so much of your life ahead of you still. And that means plenty of time to work out who you are away from the team. We’ll all be here for you as you do. Me, Nate, and Jack.” She assured her. Claire relaxed and pulled back from the cuddle a little bit to look at Susie. She could now see the emotion in Claire’s eyes were a lot calmer than they had been previously. Their was an air of acceptance in them too as well now about the whole situation. Susie gave her a small smile as Claire leaned forward and gave her a soft kiss.

“I’m glad to hear it Susie.” She replied quietly before kissing her again.

Chapter Text

               It was getting rather late in the evening when Angela finally got the knock on her hotel room door that she had been expecting. She’d already had dinner with Lewis that evening before going back to her hotel room and changing into her pyjamas, some shorts and a tank top to help combat the heat a little in the Azerbaijan capital of Baku. Smiling happily, as she knew exactly who was knocking on her door and what was about to happen, Angela paused the TV show she’d been watching on her laptop and got up off her plush double bed. Crossing the small hotel room to the door and opening it. As she opened the door she took a moment to drink in the sight in front of her. There at her hotel door late at night was none other than Britta. The German woman was dressed up nicely in a short royal blue dress that really brought out the colour of her stunning eyes Angela thought. The dress had capped sleeves, a sweetheart neckline, and a waist that tempered in before flaring out for the skirt of the dress, showing off the enviable curves that Britta had. Her hair was half up, half down rather casually, while a subtle but well-done coat of makeup completed the look. For Angela the dress was a little too feminine for her to want to wear it, she was forever a tomboy at heart, but she couldn’t deny that it was Britta’s style completely and it suited her perfectly. She knew that every eye in that room would have been on the Press Officer that night, which made it all the more sweeter she was standing here right now. Angela gave her an appreciative once over as she grinned happily at her. “Well this is certainly a welcome sight. Come on in.” She told Britta as she moved out of the way of the doorway to allow the German in before shutting the door behind them. As the pair of them had found out very early on, a huge advantage of being directly employed by multiple World Championship winning drivers was they didn’t have to share rooms with other staff members in their respective teams. Making these secret late night rendezvous of theirs a lot easier to hide from everyone, especially their respective bosses. Britta came in and sat on the bed as she ditched her silver clutch purse on the floor, before she leaned down to take off her strappy silver shoes.

               “Sorry I’m so late, I was out with the team at the celebratory after party. Seb insisted on getting me a drink, then Matt Bishop wanted to get a round for everyone in the coms department including me, then Otmar got me a drink and wanted a chat.” She chuckled a little. “Then Antti insisted that we needed to have a drink and a dance together. It didn’t help he was really drunk when he made the suggestion and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I swear I have flat feet now after dancing for one song with him.” She pouted a little as she subconsciously rubbed a sore spot on her foot where Antti had trodden on. Angela chuckled a little too at her comment as she started to clear down her bed of all the things cluttering it after her night alone.

“Aww, I’ll have to give you a foot massage later.” She joked with her. “But it sounds like you had a lovely night out even after Antti tried to turn you into a flat-footed duck. I’m glad you’re getting on well with your new colleagues at Aston Martin.” She told Britta. She really was glad that Britta was settling in well at her new team with the other members of Team Sebastian. It had been abundantly clear to her just what a toll working in the toxic Ferrari team environment had done to Britta last year. Since moving to Aston Martin for the start of this year with Seb and Antti she was a lot happier and more carefree. The weight of the world it seemed had been taken off of Britta’s shoulders, and it was like she had fallen in love again with Formula 1 after a public break up with it last season. It made Angela very happy to see her so happy and enjoying being in the paddock again.

“I am, it was a really great night.” She agreed with her before giving Angela a sympathetic smile. “So how was your night? How is Lewis doing after today?” She asked her, even though she already knew the answer to her question. If Lewis was anything like Sebastian, and the two had very similar personalities when it came to racing at least, he wouldn’t be taking the mistake he made today well at all. Angela gave a small sigh as she closed her laptop and put it on the bedside table before sitting down on the bed beside Britta.

               “Oh about as well as you’d expect him to be taking it. He’s really beating himself up over the whole break magic button thing and hitting it before the restart. He knew if he nailed that restart, he could have won the race, got a huge amount of points over Max in the championship, and left here leading the championship too. Instead he got nothing.” She sighed. The race in Baku that afternoon really had been contrasting in fortunes for the two women and their respective drivers. While Sebastian had a fantastic race and even scored an unlikely second place in his Aston Martin, Lewis had found a simple little mistake of hitting the break magic button had cost him the win potentially and a huge chunk of points. As expected when Angela saw him after the race Lewis was absolutely devastated with himself. To be the best you had to be faultless as far as he was concerned when it came to racing. And today he had been far from faultless. Coming off of the back of the mistake he made in Imola, and the bad weekend in Monaco, it really was the last thing Lewis needed. Angela had spent the evening after the race with her driver, supporting him as best she could while he went on blaming himself. She’d stayed with him after the race beside him in the team debrief as he apologised to the senior management and engineers for his mistake. She’d helped him cool down after the race with a post-race massage before joining him for dinner. Eventually she left him in his room with Roscoe for the night, hoping that the very friendly and adorable bulldog would bring him some happiness. Angela knew when he was in this mood there really wasn’t much she could do until he snapped out of this self-pitying mode, but she knew she had to try none the less. “I left him alone in his hotel room after everything with Roscoe.” She explained to her. Britta gave her a small sigh. It sounded like Lewis was taking it about as well as she expected him too. Taking it the same way Sebastian would have if he’d been the one to make the mistake.

“Poor Lewis. He really could have done with the weekend going well. Especially after Monaco last race out.” She lamented with Angela. “Hopefully he won’t beat himself up for too long.” She replied to her as she shuffled back onto the bed some more now that her shoes were off.

“We’ll see.” Angela shrugged a little as she gave Britta a smile and a chuckle. “You know Seb was right, he has come second before. You got really emotional down in Parc Ferme.” She noted as Britta groaned a little. Hiding her reddening face as she did.

               “Of all the times for the world feed cameras to film me they picked then when I was crying.” She shook her head. Angela chuckled again as she pulled a rather embarrassed Britta into her arms for a cuddle. “I really couldn’t help it though. After all the drama at Ferrari last year with the team against me and the others in Team Seb, Steffi leaving the team and being replaced. Silvia joining the team and blaming me for every single mistake Seb made in the media, like I could control him like a puppet master and stop him from rolling his eyes involuntarily at terrible team decisions. It just felt like with Seb scoring that podium the pressure on me was lifted off, it felt just like his first win at Red Bull again.” She admitted to her, the drinks slowly going to her head and loosening her tongue slightly more than usual. “It just reminded me why I love this sport so much.” Britta would be the first to admit last year she really fell out of love with the sport she’d devoted so many years of her adult life to. Working in the coms office at Ferrari for the year had felt a lot like going into a room with a unknown dog every single day. You never quite knew just what exactly you were getting with them. Some days Britta walked in to find a happy team who all made sure to welcome her with open arms. Other days she walked in to find she seemed to be public enemy number one in the office and everyone was against everything she did. It was perhaps the biggest downside of being employed directly by Sebastian, Britta was never truly a part of any coms team she was working with. And as Ferrari had proven, what that meant was when they wanted a scapegoat to blame for things going wrong in the media strategy, she was the first choice to blame. Angela gave her a small squeeze as she cuddled her, knowing all to well the trouble that Britta had during the previous season at Ferrari.

               “I understand completely.” She said softly to her as she kissed the top of her head. It was true, she was perhaps the only other person in this paddock who could understand just what the two of them were going through in their position. The two of them really were in unique positions being the very closest confidants of their respective World Championship drivers. They both had to be there every single day of the year beside their driver, helping them when things got tough, supporting them as best they could on the tricky days, and aiding them when they had to make tough decisions about things like their future. Yes, they did get to celebrate and enjoy the good times when their drivers were successful. Winning podiums, races, and championships. But in contrast to that when times were bad they were really bad for them. That was perhaps where others couldn’t understand why they were so emotional about things. The truth was both Angela and Britta devoted so much of their lives to their drivers that when things went badly for them, they took it as personally as Seb and Lewis did. Maybe that’s what had drawn the two of them together in the first place, the fact that they both knew exactly what the other was going through. Britta gave a small nod in agreement as she began to trace the letters of Angela’s Loyalty tattoo very lightly on her wrist with her finger.

“I know you do.” Britta said almost in a whisper as she carried on tracing the letters over and over again, applying just a featherlight touch to Angela’s skin as she did. Slowly and carefully in a way that really started to calm Angela a lot. She really hadn’t realised just how on edge she’d been all evening after the day she’s had with Lewis. But as she cuddled the German in her arms and relaxed into the simple touch, she realised that this was exactly what she needed. Angela closed her eyes happily and let out a breath as she relaxed into Britta’s touch, causing her to smile when she saw that Angela was finally starting to calm down after a stressful race weekend. She knew that she definitely made the right call coming back here and spending time with Angela after everything. “That’s why I ducked out of the party early. After everything you did for me last year I figured it’s time for me to be here for you during your tough day.” She explained to her. Angela opened her eyes and looked down at Britta in her arms, her bright blue eyes sparkling as she looked up at the Kiwi woman.

               “Oh Britta, you really didn’t have to do that for me. If anyone deserves to go out and celebrate a surprise podium with Seb and their team it’s you. Especially after everything you went through last year. I’ll be okay.” Angela sighed a little at her, feeling a little bad now that she’d been the reason Britta had cut her evening abruptly short. However Britta just carried on smiling up happily at Angela. Still slowly tracing the letters of her tattoo.

“It was my choice Liebling if I wanted to stay or go. And I decided I wanted to go and be here with you instead.” She assured her as she leaned up and softly kissed Angela. Angela had been about to protest again that Britta should head back to the party, but the second she felt their lips touch all of the protests she had went completely out of her mind. She melted quickly into the kiss and kissed Britta back slowly. There was still the faint trace of the taste of victory champagne as well as Gin and Tonic on Britta’s lips, and something that was just uniquely Britta that Angela found she just couldn’t get enough of. The two kissed one another slowly, allowing all of their emotions about today to just go out of the window as they focused instead on one another. All that mattered in that moment in time was the two of them in that hotel room, together again after a long weekend. Eventually when they needed a breath Britta pulled away from Angela, smirking a little at her. She knew after a kiss like that, there was no way Angela was going to insist on her going back to the podium party. “You were saying?” She asked her, making Angela roll her eyes a little at Britta’s cheeky grin on her face now.

“Never mind. You’re impossible, you know that right?” Angela replied as she tried her best to give Britta her most serious look, though it was impossible when Britta was there giggling with a smirk on her face. Angela found her resolve breaking very quickly as her look softened.

“I know.” Britta agreed as she moved again slowly, kissing Angela again as she moved to trap the physiotherapist a little between her body and the bed. She pulled away again as she looked down at the woman below her. “Now I think it’s time I repay you for all those times you made me feel better and happy again after all those races last year.” She whispered softly into Angela’s ear. Her hand already finding her way to the waistband of Angela’s pyjama shorts. Angela closed her eyes again and let out a small moan, already looking forward to everything the night had ahead for her and Britta.