Work Text:
Saya stared at the starry sky outside the airplane window. The night seemed so calm. KAT-TUN’s Promise Song was floating through her earphone.
The song ended and she took a deep breath. The playlist scrolled, now playing the intro of NEWS’ Madoromi. Saya took a shaky breath. Her eyes travelled to the small photograph in her hand, framed in a plastic folder.
A blonde boy, spiked hair, in front of the blackboard. He wore a red t-shirt with the sleeve rolled up.
His black gakuran was not seen anywhere in the photo, but Saya knew that it was draped on her table that time.
His well-defined arm was “tattooed” with a string of Kanjis, written by a black Sharpie marker, her Sharpie marker. The boy was smiling at her as she took his photo on her cellular phone.
☆☆☆
High school years were challenging for her as she moved to Japan from another country. Despite the fact that she was fluent enough in Japanese, there were things she still needed to catch up in order to be able to follow the lessons and make friends well.
Sayaka often found solace on the school backyard. Far behind the school glasshouse, near the old gymnasium.
One day, she found out that she was not the only frequent occupant of that place.
“What the hell are you doing here,” a blonde boy asked suspiciously. A cigarette hanging from his lips. Obviously, he sneaked all the way there to smoke.
Saya was startled, she had never seen anybody else there besides herself. Well, that if the yellow stray cat wasn’t counted as somebody.
“Well, whatever you are doing here, you never see me here!” he said, looking sternly at her.
“Eh? Whaaaat?”
Apparently, her answer made the boy smirk. He walked closer and placed his right arm on the wall, cornering her.
Saya’s first instinct kicked in. Years of Karate lesson resulted in a strong and firm kick towards the boy’s groin area, leaving him writhing on the ground as she ran back towards the school. She hated being kabedon-ed.
Saya thought that she would be in trouble afterwards, but what happened next surprised her.
“Ueda Tatsuya, president of the Astronomy Club,” the blond school yankee stated. Saya blinked in confusion, looking at him cluelessly.
“What’s your name?” he continued
“Wijaya Sayaka” she replied. Half expecting him to further question her uncommon, non-Japanese last name. The question never came. He just smiled at her and said,
“OK, Saya-chan, we can share our secret place as long as you are a member of the Astronomy Club. Ii ne?”
Later on Saya found out, the school has no Astronomy Club.
☆☆☆
His name was Ueda Tatsuya, the school yankee. To everybody at school, he was known for his fighting skill and his habit of riding his noisy motorbike to school.
To her, he was the boy who befriend her on her early days of school. Her first friend in the foreign country which is a homeland to her mother.
Ueda was pretty good in English. Saya was extremely grateful for that. Surprisingly, he was also good in writing, stringing words to form wonderful compositions.
“Don’t talk to me using ore or call me omae,” Saya huffed. That irked her so much, even if she never knew the reason why.
“But Saya-chan, that’s a common…. Ouch! Stop doing that! Stop hitting me!”
“Oh, I wonder what will your gang said were they find out that their fearless leader can’t hold a punch from a girl!”
“Oh no, you’re not gonna do that!”
But Saya was faster, she jumped from her sitting position and ran screaming,
“Masamin-kun…. Masamin-kun, do you know….”
“Nooooo…….,” Tatsuya ran after her.
☆☆☆
“Ueda-kun, why do you want to have an Astronomy Club at school?” she asked him once. They were sitting on their favorite spot, on the school backyard.
“Tatsuya”
“Ehh?”
“Call me Tatsuya. How many times should I tell you to call me Tatsuya? I feel like a teacher is calling me to scold me if you call me Ueda-kun,” Tatsuya answered, laying down on the grass and looking at the clouds.
“But, all of our friends call you Ueda-kun”
Tatsuya turned his face, facing Sayaka, a small serene smile on his lips,
“But you are not just a friend to me, Saya-chan.”
☆☆☆
They dated during the second year of high school, and the third.
They went to the café. Tatsuya was surprisingly fond of sweet foods. Saya happily trotted along as they frequented the small quaint café, 15 minutes away from the school. Filling their after-school hunger with Mille Crepes and Strawberry Shortcakes. Sharing some Hot Chocolates or Iced Caramel Lattes.
Tatsuya also took her on his motorbike, on short rides to and from the school, and longer rides during the weekends.
Tatsuya took her first kiss too, on the back of his motorbike, near the river bank.
☆☆☆
“Tatsuya, why are you so fond of the stars?” she asked one night. They laid side by side on the river bank, looking up to the stars in the sky above them.
“Because they are so lovely,” he replied. Still staring at the vast twinkling sky above them, “Nee, Saya-chan, do you know? When people die, their soul will ride on a plane to the stars.”
“Eh?”
“It’s true, you know. They then will be a star in the sky, watching and protecting the one person they love,” Tatsuya continued, “when I die, I want to become a star and protect you.”
“Tatsuya! Quit talking about weird things! You’re scaring me!” Saya sat up and smacked his arm.
“Itai… itai….. hai, hai, gomen…. Gomen ne…..,” Tatsuya sat up, pulling Saya into a hug.
☆☆☆
“Saya-chan, my big sister scored two tickets to the NEWS – Epcotia concert. But she couldn’t go on that day. She told me to take you there.”
☆☆☆
“Tatsuya, thank you. That was an amazing concert.”
Tatsuya laughed, pulling her closer towards himself,
“For somebody who said that she is not a big fan of the group, you cried a lot, you know.”
Saya pouted,
“Madoromi was so beautiful and touching. I can’t help it.”
“Saya-chan, you are more beautiful.”
☆☆☆
They had a big fight that day. Something that started simple and trivial, yet completely gone bad.
Saya walked towards the school music room, sighing as she heard somebody was using the piano. She would have to wait for the turn then.
The person played beautifully, and played songs that she had never heard before. Perhaps, an original composition.
With such a beautiful work, Saya thought, it must’ve been a teacher.
Surprisingly, the melody eased her anger away, brought some sort of tranquility, serenading her, enveloping her in some sort of ways that she couldn’t explain.
The player hit the wrong note, banged on the piano and walked out of the room, directly bumped into her.
“Tatsuya?”
“Saya-chan?”
“I didn’t know you play the piano.”
“Oh, I do. My parents made me took piano lessons, among other things.”
“Tatsuya, I’m sorry….”
“No, I’m sorry, I was an idiot,” Tatsuya said, rubbing his neck sheepishly.
They skipped school that day.
☆☆☆
Tatsuya didn’t come to school that day. He didn’t pick up her call, didn’t reply to her messages and mails.
Sayaka asked his friends, but they also didn’t know where he is. He also didn’t reply to any of their messages.
The school bell just rung at the end of the day when Saya felt her cellphone vibrated. She took it out and checked on the caller. It was an unknown number. She picked the call up,
“Moshi-moshi?”
“Ah, moshi-moshi! Sayaka-chan desu ka?” an unfamiliar female voice was heard.
“Yes?”
“Ah… this is Ueda Natsuko, Tatsuya’s big sister,” the voice replied, sounded so relieved.
“Oh, this is Sayaka. Oneesan, is Tatsuya OK?” Saya asked. Worry crept in her heart.
“Anooo…. Sayaka-chan, Tatsuya was involved in a motorbike accident this morning. He fell off his bike.”
“What? Is he OK?” Saya felt as if her heart stopped for a while. She didn’t realize that she was trembling.
“He’s at home now. You know what, your school is over, right? I’ll send a car to pick you up. Just wait at the school gate.”
☆☆☆
Saya was nervous all the way to Tatsuya’s house. She was more surprised as the car took her to a more affluent part of the city. They stopped at a big house in the corner.
A woman in her 20s opened the front door and greeted her,
“Sayaka-chan? I’m Natsuko. Nice to meet you,” she smiled, “Come on in. Tatsuya is in his room.”
They went inside, Sayaka following Natsuko to the base of the stairs,
“Just get up there, his room is the last door on the left side,” she said. Nudging her slowly to get up the stairs.
☆☆☆
Sayaka knocked gently at the door, and pushed the door open. She peeked inside. The room was messy, comic books were strewn everywhere. Posters of stars and planets decorated the wall. There were also glow in the dark stars on the ceilings.
Tatsuya laid in the big bed, covered in dark blue comforter, sleeping. Sayaka released her breath, not realizing that she had been holding it all along.
He looked so serene, yet so pale. Bruises and scratches decorated his face. His right arm was bandaged in several places. Overall, he didn’t look that bad. Only very pale.
Saya came closer to the bed, a tiny white puppy looked at her inquiringly, before deciding to move closer to Tatsuya.
Tatsuya opened his eyes,
“Saya-chan?” he rasped, struggling to sit, wincing as it was too painful.
Saya rushed to his side,
“Tatsuya, eh, don’t force yourself,” she said, placing her arm around his shoulder, supporting him. She took another pillow and placed it behind him, arranging them so Tatsuya could lean on them better,
“I was so worried. You didn’t show up at school and I couldn’t contact you at all.”
“Gomen… I’m so sorry,” Tatsuya answered weakly.
“What happened? How are you now?” she asked anxiously.
“I fell off the bike. Well, got road rashes practically everywhere, and bruised my ribs, oh and hit my head. I’ll be alright,” Tatsuya answered, showing her some more bandages in his other arm and legs, “they said I lost consciousness for a while, but I’m fine now.”
Sayaka took a deep breath and closed her eyes,
“Those are a lot of wounds, Tatsuya,” she replied softly, sitting down next to Tatsuya while taking his right hand, running her fingers along his crooked pinky, a reminiscence from an accident when he was younger,
“and you were unconscious for a while. “
His soft brown eyes found her black eyes, and he whispered,
“I know, and I’m so sorry, I wasn’t careful.”
“What happened? I mean, were you going very fast or what was it? You’ve always been a good rider.”
Tatsuya looked away from her and sighed,
“I don’t know, maybe I hit a pothole, or maybe just lost control of the bike. Let’s not talk about it further, Saya-chan. Please.”
Saya stayed with him until it was time for her to go home. She kissed Tatsuya’s lips softly before exiting his room.
The door closed with a click, Tatsuya gazed towards the closed door and whispered,
“I’m so sorry, Saya-chan. I’m so sorry,” teardrops rolled down his cheeks.
☆☆☆
A week later, Tatsuya showed up at school. Still looking somewhat pale. His bruises healed, yet the bandage in his right arm was still there, and he was still limping a bit.
He picked her up in a chauffeured car. Saya knew that even if this whole car and driver thing made her feel uncomfortable, it was the best way for Tatsuya to go to and from the school.
However, she was concerned about his complexion. But every time she brought the topic up, Tatsuya always shrugged, saying that it was just her imagination.
☆☆☆
They were slowly approaching their graduation. University application was the hottest topic all around the seniors nowadays.
“Tatsuya, have you submitted your application? I submitted mine to Juilliard yesterday night and I’m extra nervous,” Sayaka said one morning as she entered the car and sat next to Tatsuya.
They were still going on cars. Tatsuya simply told her that it was because his motorbike was still broken and it was hard to find the replacement parts.
Tatsuya glanced at the view outside the window, avoiding Saya’s gaze on him,
“I’m not submitting them.”
“Ehh? Nani? But why?”
“Because,” he replied. Still looking outside of the window.
“Tatsuya, because of what? But you promised that we will try together. You will try for Astronomics and I will try for Music. Together we will reach our dreams,” Saya tugged on Tatsuya’s wrist, trying to get him to look at her.
The car arrived at the school gate. Tatsuya opened the door and walked out. He didn’t wait for Saya that day.
☆☆☆
Saya couldn’t remember that day. The day after their graduation. That day when Natsuko called her, early in the morning. That day when everything changed for her.
That day, there was a new star on the sky, especially there to protect and look after her.
The night before, Tatsuya passed away in his sleep.
☆☆☆
Natsuko met her a week after his funeral. Sayaka felt so empty, even the acceptance letter from Juilliard brought her no joy at all.
“Sayaka-chan, we found this in his room with your name on it. I believe he prepared this for you,” she handed her a black leather backpack. The backpack that he usually brought everywhere with him.
Sayaka bowed deeply as they said their goodbyes. Natsuko told her to stay in touch. Saya nodded weakly.
☆☆☆
The night fell as Saya walked home. Passing the river bank where Tatsuya and her used to sit and spend time together.
Sayaka opened the bag. Inside she found the black jacket, Tatsuya’s favorite jacket. She also found a music player, and a letter.
Fumbling, she plugged the earphones and turned the player on. The playlist shown so many songs that they used to listen and enjoy together. She clicked a song randomly. Tears started to stream down her face.
Touching the letter with her trembling fingers, she opened it. Her name, written in Tatsuya’s messy handwriting was the first thing that captured her sight.
My dearest Saya-chan,
I can picture you clearly, sitting in the river bank, shivering in the night air. As usual, you must’ve been too lazy to bring a thicker jacket. From now on, you must always remember to bring it, ne. Because I can’t be there to warm you anymore.
But, since this is only the beginning, it’s alright to forget it. So, please put the jacket on, and turn the music player into track 104.
Sayaka laughed, tears were streaming down her eyes fast. She took the jacket and put it on. Tatsuya’s scent mixed with his favorite vanilla soap was still lingering. It felt like being in his arms once again. She switched the player towards the song number 104 and put it on repeat.
Soft piano music was playing the intro of Madoromi, but this time, instead of Kato Shigeaki’s voice, it was another voice singing. A softer voice that she recognized well. A softer voice that she longed to hear calling her name again, Tatsuya’s voice.
Saya-chan, by the time you receive this letter, I won’t be with you anymore. I will be on my way, in a plane that will lead me to the stars.
There, I will be the brightest star on the sky, especially there to protect and look after you. Don’t you ever forget that, ok.
Saya-chan, I’m sorry that I never tell you this. I have this condition, and it is incurable. So, I know that my time is limited. I also can’t go to America with you since my condition worsen rapidly lately.
That day when I fell off the motorbike, I lied to you, it wasn’t because of the road, or the bike. I blacked out that time. For lying to you, please forgive me.
But let’s not talk about that, because I know, there is nothing that we can do about it. Or about me. And it is alright. I have accepted my fate and I can’t say how thankful I am that I have you in my life.
Saya-chan, the fact that I like you, until we meet again, don’t forget about it. I will always, always love you, no matter what. But please, don’t close your heart towards another happiness.
Saya-chan, even if I’m not by your side anymore, please stay the way you are. Stay to be the positive, happy, and caring Sayaka that I know and love.
And please, keep on chasing your dreams. I know that you can do it. I always believe in Saya-chan. You are a strong girl. Once again, I believe you can do it, and you will do it.
The day I met you, no matter when, will remain as a treasure for me. I still can recall and remember that day, and I thank Kamisama that in my short life, I met you, that I got the chance to be with you, and the honor to be your boyfriend, to love you.
Please don’t cry for me Saya-chan, for this star hates to see sadness in your eyes. But if you ever needed to cry, cry while you are looking at the stars in the sky, and know that I am there to share your tears, your sadness, your pain. That even though you can’t see me, I am holding you tight in my arms until you stop crying.
And remember, that wherever you are, I will always be there in the sky, in any sky in this world. So, be brave and be strong, because you are not alone.
Goodbye, Saya-chan.
I will love you, zutto,
Ueda Tatsuya
☆☆☆
“Miss, please fasten your seatbelt, we are about to land,” a soft voice of the stewardess pulled Sayaka out of her memories.
“Oh, thank you,” she replied, wiping tears from her eyes.
“Are you alright?” the stewardess asked her with concerned voice.
Sayaka nodded, her gaze fell towards the photograph once again. The stewardess followed her gaze and smiled,
“Your boyfriend? I’m sure he’ll be alright. Or will he pick you up later?”
Sayaka smiled, pulling the black jacket tighter around her body, storing the photograph in the black leather backpack.
“Ah, he is with me, in the night sky.”
The stewardess threw her a confused look but proceed to the next seat in front of her.
Sayaka looked towards the night sky once again, a star was twinkling brightly there, brighter then the other stars. A small smile appeared in her lips, looking at that star, she whispered,
“Tatsuya, I love you too, I will be alright.”
In her ears, the piano outro of NEWS’ Madoromi reached its final note.
終わり