Work Text:
Dear Victor, my most beloved,
How are you?
I hope you're at peace and happy, wherever you are.
I t's been a while but I still read your letters from time to time, especially when I miss you.
I spent a lot of days wishing that what happened was nothing but a bad dream. That one day I'd wake up and see you sleeping next to me.
When you got sick, I used to hope for a miracle that you'd get better, that you'd come back to me.
It was so hard when you died. Every time I closed my eyes, all I could think of was you, Victor, my love and my life.
Maybes plagued my mind for months. Maybe if I were able to talk you into visiting the doctor's when the headaches first started, there was a chance that you'd still be here with me. Maybe I could have saved you. Maybe we'd be traveling the world by now.
I sometimes ask myself, how can I stay strong? How can I continue to smile and be happy? How can I continue life, when half of me left with you?
Everyone can tell how happy and complete we made each other felt. We were so in love. And there are things that death just can never touch, and those are my memories with you. Memories we've made.
I always thought that I'd be spending the rest of my life with you. But you spent the rest of yours with me, and I am forever thankful for that. I'm thankful that I was the last person you loved- even if it was just for a short amount of time, I knew it was real.
Everyone keeps on asking me when I will give myself a chance to be happy, or at least be okay. I just don't have the heart to tell them that, no amount of time will measure the pain you left me.
My love for you was the only thing that kept me going. Because I know that you wanted me to continue choosing life and love, even if that meant you no longer being a part of it. The support of our friends and family helped so much, despite the fact that it hadn't been easy for them either. Even your fans were kind enough to send me messages on Instagram. My heart is full knowing that I was never alone, even though I felt so lonely and lost.
Your presence taught me how to be strong, but your absence taught me how to be stronger.
I want you to know that I am ready to choose life. I am ready to get to know myself once again and find out what more I am capable of. I am much more ready to face the life I thought had ended when you left. I am ready.
Victor, I know you want me to be happy. And I can finally say, I am. I was ready to feel the contentment of being alone. I was okay with the thought of not being with anyone else for the rest of my life. But you were right- love comes when you least expect it. I realized that, no matter what I went through, love will really find its way back to me.
And as I unfold this new chapter of my life, I am wholly ready to face it with a grateful heart. Grateful to the people that surround me and to the experience that shaped me to the person I am now. I am thankful to everyone who believed in me.
You don't have to worry about me anymore, Victor. I can honestly say that I am okay now. I will always be thankful to you for looking after me in the times we were together. I will never forget the memories we've made because it was never about our ending, it was about the journey- and I am thankful for the time that was given to us. I am ready to move forward and live life with a stronger and happier version of myself.
I love you so much that words aren't enough to describe it. Thank you for everything.
I love you.
- Yuuri