Work Text:
30 January, 2021
Dear Mum,
How should I begin this year?
Well for one, I never thought I'd end up here; happily married, with three of the most spectacular kids a parent could ever ask for, and another on the way. My life has never been easy as I'm sure you well know. It probably isn’t hard to imagine that for quite some time I believed that anything good in my life wouldn't - or rather couldn't - last very long. It's been par for the course regarding my life, honestly.
I've lost so much. More than most, more than anyone ever should.
I didn't always believe that, you know, that I didn't deserve the bare minimum of happiness. That I should take what little scraps that were offered and to hold onto them dearly. I've had a lot of people in my life who've helped me get over that way of thinking. Without them, I doubt I'd have grown into the man, friend, husband, or father I am today. Their love and support was really needed. Especially during times of severe loss.
...Losing you, and dad at such a young age left me in an unimaginable amount of pain. Pain that's stayed with me to this day. I know I was only a baby when you passed, with no real memories of you, but the impressions I get when I look at those photographs - those fleeting moments capturing when our eyes met and you smiled at me - I can sometimes pretend that you are still here with me, now.
It's hardly enough when pitted against time—against first days in primary, skinned knees, and playground fights with bullies. Not when the whole of the Wizarding world was asking for so much of me, or when I foolishly let them in some desperate attempt to be closer to you both. To kill the man who took away the only loving family I had during those tumultuous years.
It's not that I regret it, killing him. I could never feel such an emotion when ridding the world of such evil. What I do regret is how blind I'd been to the biases of the world. I didn't realise it until it was too late, but by adopting views simply because everyone else said so, I was essentially following the same narrative as Draco, just on opposite ends. Why wouldn't I believe Hagrid, or Ron that all Slytherins are evil when my only interaction with one had been with Draco, back when he was still an obnoxious little prat.
We've talked and apologised since then and it was like a weight we hadn't known was there had been lifted from our shoulders.
Sometimes I wonder if you would approve of our relationship, especially with how it began. Or, would you put up a fight?
Draco thinks he'd have won both you and Dad over, just like he's won most of the Public Opinion in favour of the Malfoy name. And he did so "without the Potter name." Not that I would have minded honestly, but Draco can be very prideful so there are times when I'll let him have his moment of peacocking. It soothes his feathers and saves me from his melodramas.
Mostly.
The media hounds found out about our first pregnancy pretty late into my second trimester, but when they finally did put two and two together, it was as if the gates of Hades had opened and unleashed a raving mad stream of rabid paps, Mum. It was bloody awful, is what it was. We couldn't be out in public without a Polyjuice potion. Scorpius would be upset for hours on end after every excursion into public and Teddy would refuse to be put down so we'd have to carry them both. Not that we would have either boys out in the midst of the crowds that would gather. It wasn't much of a feat since Draco would always cast a feather-lite charm on him the larger, and heavier I got. This second time around wasn’t any better than the first, but the four of us have created a sort of system for our more public interactions, so that it has become more manageable.
It's mad that people think it's okay to infringe on others' lives like this, all for a lousy story that usually has no validity to it.
The amount of pressure that was placed at my shoulders just for surviving a night I have no physical memory of is astounding. Hermione and Draco agree that it was the Wizarding world’s way of coping with the fear. That if they could use me—‘Harry Potter, sole survivor of the Killing Curse'—as a scapegoat, it surely wouldn't matter because all things considered, I should be dead. Never mind the fact that they were trusting a child with the fate of Britain's Wizarding world (I refuse to think of what would have happened if Voldemort's power had expanded outside the UK).
Would you have hidden me away from it all until the very last moment? Or would you have trained me to be better prepared for the final battle? Knowing what I know as a parent, I'd like to think you would have done everything in your power to properly prepare me for the war. From the very few stories I've heard of you, you seem quite pertinacious in your beliefs. Would you and Dad have run off on your own to protect me while you went Horcrux hunting, or would we leave together as a family? Would you have pushed me to my death, or would you have tried to find another way to remove and destroy the final piece of Voldemort's soul?
I don't think I could let any of the kids willingly put themselves in harm's way when we adults are here to protect them—and if Merlin's beard we aren't, I'll make it my duty to bloody well haunt the arseholes who knowingly put my babies in danger, and I will do it for a damn eternity! I'm a bit of a hypocrite, I know. Draco warns that at least one (if not all) of our kids will cause about as much of a ruckus as I did during our Hogwarts years. Merlin's left ball sack, I pray it isn't so.
...
I wish you guys were here.
All of you.
Remus and Dora would be so proud, Mum. Teddy's gotten so big! He's a bit of a bookworm just like both his fathers; he's so studious. Makes me look completely daft when he comes into the study with his streams of questions that I honestly never have any answers to. It's certainly an experience and it allows us to bond over my lacking intelligence. Teddy doesn't mind, I'm reassured. At least there's that.
He's come out of his shell quite nicely and is growing into a fine young wizard. Can you let Remus and Tonks (it felt weird calling her Dora - I only do that around Aunt Andy) know that he's safe, and unbelievably loved. Draco cherishes him just as much as I do. The way that he follows Draco around the Manor sporting pale blond hair, Tonks' brown eyes, Remus' nose and chin, and my mouth and cheekbones (though I think my husband has gone spare - I certainly don't see it), he looks like all four of his parents now. I'm still a bit awed and shocked that Andromeda let us go through with the blood adoption, though I suppose I shouldn't be. She loves him and that means she'd be willing to do just about anything to see to his happiness. Either way, it feels right to have him share the Malfoy-Potter name…although Edward Antony Lupin Malfoy-Potter is a bit of a mouthful.
Time moves so quickly, I'm constantly amazed and slightly terrified by it. In just two short years, our little Teddy-bear will be expected at Hogwarts. I can't believe it. I'm not sure how parents can do it - send their children off to school. I cried big fat, Erumpent tears when we enrolled him at primary. Draco, Scorp, and Teddy laughed hysterically at me for about a month afterwards and I think I lost a bit of respect from the gathered parents that day too, but could you blame me? I went from seeing him everyday whenever I wanted to losing seven hours of quality time together. That's a huge difference. I'm trying to mentally start preparing myself for his absence. God, the thought of it kills me.
At least I have a couple more years to adjust. Sending them off to primary at least gives us emotionally attached parents a head start lesson on learning to let go.
As I'm sure you remember, he was one of the first enrolled at the new school that Mione', Pansy, and Draco had been previously working at for over five years: Sphinx Primary Academy. It was part of one of the initiative plans to bridge the gap between the fractured Wizarding community. Muggle-borns are now being detected for magic at the early ages between 3 - 5, Mum. It's bloody brilliant, and it's hard for me to understand how it has taken so long for a solution to be found to overcome the imbalances between wizarding children when we are all finally enrolled in school. Despite that, I am so proud of Draco and his efforts to be one of the people to make this change happen. I'm so glad that we have taken steps towards a better future, and that we are creating a better world for our children."
I'll never agree with Narcissa's choices and the path that she took...but I do understand them. She did what she thought was necessary for her family and her child, and I understand that. I too would do whatever it takes to keep my family and children safe. I suppose we're a lot alike in that regard.
Speaking of Narcissa, it's been interesting to watch her interact with her grandchildren. She's nothing like I've imagined her to be, and I suppose that's a bit unfair on my end, but she's just as equally patient and loving with Teddy and Estella as she is with Scorpius. I've learned she's the doting type and is one hundred percent the sole reason why Draco is as spoiled and dramatic as he is. Though she insists it's Lucius, Draco takes up after. While that's not hard to believe, I've met a fair amount of Blacks and every single one of them has lost the plot. Andromeda and Narcissa have not been excluded from this list.
It was surprising how easy it was for all of us to blend into this one big family. I think Narcissa is finally happy now that Draco is happy. There are still some awkward moments when they slip up occasionally and fall back on old rhetoric and elitism, but Draco and Narcissa both do wonderfully at keeping the children away from such behaviour.
Scorpius can be a bit of a handful all on his own without acting like a carbon copy of his father at his age. It's not that he doesn't mind, in fact, Scorpius is probably the most well mannered six year old I've ever met. No, the - well, it's not an issue per say, it's just that he's just as clingy as I am. My little scorpion shadow. He's so adorable with those eyes like his father, I can't help but be wrapped around his tiny fingers.
I'm telling you Mum, I honestly don't know how I could love the boy anymore than I do now. He's opted out of going to Primary to be tutored at home so he can look after me. 'Who else will protect you and Baby-bun number 2 when Daddy and Teddy are gone?' The missing two front teeth hiked up the adorable factor when his stern declaration was spoken with a slight lisp.
Honestly, he's my little sensitive little bean. He's a lot like his father in this way. They can both be undeniably sweet, but the moment they feel slighted, they'll sting. I don't call him my little scorpion just because it's his name.
…
Mum, I'm sorry I missed writing to you last year - I hope Dad explained everything. It was completely unexpected the way the day went into complete chaos. Estella, who of course wasn't due for another three weeks absolutely insisted on sharing a birthday with you.
Oh, Mum. It was one of the most painful, mind boggling, heartwarming moments in my entire life. She - well, Mum she's perfect isn't she? The moment I saw her, I was completely gobsmacked that something, so tiny and precious could come from me. Draco and I both started crying when we saw those rosy cheeks, pale eyes and head full of dark curls for the very first time. It went unmentioned, but not unnoticed, this bond that stretched between us. This bond that not even marriage, or the Blood Adoption ritual could replicate. It was the bond of creating something so special, so unique and original that no matter how hard anyone tried, they could not replicate what we'd made in this tiny human that formed from a small cluster of cells. And while I was surrounded by my family of constellations, she would be my star. My little Estella. Shining bright as the sun.
The books on Parenthood I've read don't prepare you for the amount of love you feel. Or for the amount of fear that you'll be complete rubbish at it. I mean, what do I really know about raising a baby? Scorpius and Teddy already had the foundation of Parenthood laid out for me to build on. Ella is a clean slate. Anxiety and fear of breaking her, of somehow ruining her kept me at bay for a week until Draco argued me down and forced me to sit with her while he supervised.
She took to me instantly and we bonded. I can not explain how relieved I was when I could practically feel my magic uncoil and relax. I didn't know how stressed not being around her had been making all of us feel.
Mum, you're proud of me, right? I finally understand why you did what you did. I hadn't before, even though I thought I was aware when I decided to share my blood with Teddy and Scorpius and while that bonded us as a family outside of just a name, this is a bit like catching a shooting star.
An unexpected gift that you'll always cherish.
I'm writing today not only to wish you a happy birthday, but to thank you for loving me.
Your son, Harry
xo
-
The tears hitting the parchment are to be expected. Not only is his body creating yet another life, he always gets sentimental whenever he speaks to his parents. Only this time the emotions run higher. Having either of his parents there for the birth of their grandchild, would have been satisfying but he feels cheated of such a monumental bonding experience between him and his mother.
It hurts knowing he'll never get any of those moments. Though a Muggle tradition, he hadn't known he wanted James to give him away at his ceremony until he was holed away in the pantry cupboard sniveling away while their guest drank and danced.
So despondent, and lost in his thoughts, Harry didn't notice as the study door clicked open. The sound of feet puttering around the halls is what finally draws his attention up.
Eyes shifting in guilt, Harry quickly wipes his eyes dry and finds his husband casually striding in, dressed in his dark Solicitor's robes. They're finely pressed, nary a wrinkle in sight, and the tailored garments look good on his tall frame. It's certainly not very hard for Harry to remember why he fell for this man. In this moment, he's a ray of light shining over such maudlin thoughts.
"What are you doing here, Dray? I thought you had that important meeting with Rumpert Stinewell regarding their investment in opening up a sister school in France?" Harry tries for nonchalant but botches it spectacularly.
With a flourish, Draco wandlessly removes his writing equipment and the letter before he places a domed, silver platter in front of him. Draco turns his smouldering smile (the one that always seems to make Harry’s skin heat up and feel too tight around his bones all at once) on him before leaning in to steal Harry's breath away in a slow, heated kiss.
"Mmm. Hello, love." A hand traces the trail of tears and gently wipes them away. Draco's stubble prickles against the tacky skin as he trails a line of kisses to his jaw.
That same large, graceful hand moves to cover the small curve of his belly lovingly, and Draco bends down further to place a kiss on the skin peeking out from his robe. Lips lingering as he stares up into Harry's eyes.
The prat smiles as he pulls away, undoubtedly noticing Harry's lowered lids and lust blown eyes. It transpires that pregnancy turns Harry into something of a tart, at least where Draco is concerned. The man could look at him for too long and suddenly Harry is as randy as 4th year learning exactly how versatile a silencing and privacy charm can be. Before Harry can pull his husband back down to finish what he's started, little Scorpius comes skipping in and over to Harry's side, chirping excitedly, "Mummy, we've come to feed you and the baby!"
Harry blames Ron, really.
In jest, Ron had started calling Harry ‘Mum’ the moment they'd found out Harry was looking into Sperm Banks all on his own. Scorpius, having regular playdates with Rose, had begun to pick up on calling Harry mother - or more specifically 'Mummy' - even before Draco and Harry started to see one another romantically. He could tell Draco had been highly flummoxed when he finally introduced him to his son, only for Scorpius to greet them as 'Mummy and Daddy'.
Harry doesn't mind it in the least. He had never thought he would have a family that was his, and when he realised that he was among a minority of men who could conceive and carry a child on his own - well, any worry about what the child would call him didn't mean that much in the long run. All that mattered was that he had this. Moreover, he's sure once Scorp is old enough to realise that most kids don't call their second dad's 'Mummy', he'll let up on it. And even if he doesn't, Harry truly doesn't mind.
Harry shoots a suspicious glance towards Draco as his husband breezes out of their son's path to finish setting up their impromptu lunch. Not missing the fact that Draco refused to answer his earlier question.
"Is that so, my little scorpion?" Green eyes take in the small form practically vibrating next to him. "Oh, and what's this you have here?" Harry's eyes catch on the single Orchid flower clutched in Scorpius’ hands and smiles softly when their youngest son shoves it towards his face in his excitement.
Chuckling, Harry takes the offering - ignoring the tsk in the background - and brings it to his nose for a proper smell. Harry's eyes flutter shut and a reminiscent smile flows onto his lips as scent memory overtakes him.
"'S pretty, right Mummy?" At Harry's nod, Scorpius turns around to smile at his father, "Daddy and I picked it out for you on the way home from Rosie's house!"
"Did you?! Well, then I'm extremely glad two out of three of my handsome boys were thinking about me!" Harry's arms wrap around Scorpius as he lays kisses all over his face. "Thank your brother for me, love; the flower is beautiful." Harry jests as he begins tickling the mini blond in his arms.
"Noooo," Scorpius giggles loudly, trying to halfheartedly get away from Harry's dancing fingers. "It - it was me and Daaaaddy, not T-Bear!" Harry arches a skeptical brow at his son as he lets up on his attack. Lips pursed, Harry hums and crosses his arms, a bit miffed.
"I think, Scorp, that Mummy dear doesn't believe how thoughtful Daddy can be." Draco, after having finished serving up their platters of food, sets a carafe filled with freshly squeezed Papaya juice and three ancestral crystal glasses embedded with a highly sophisticated non-breaking charm down just to the left of Harry's dish. Sighing dramatically, he sprawls elegantly across his favourite upholstered accent chair, elbows poised on the arms and long fingers intertwined upon his chest as he watches Harry pick Scorpius up to sit in his lap… well, what's left of his lap anyhow.
The smirk on his husband's lips is irksome and appealing all at once. Absolute git knows exactly what he's playing at by giving me that bloody flower. Draco looks at Scorpius and pouts, "Well, I certainly feel the love, don't I? I suppose I should've given it to old Mrs. Kinderfyr, shouldn't I? I hear she's newly widowed and in need of a 6th husband." Draco leans forward in whispers conspiratorially, "What say you, Scorp, should we take your siblings and leave your mean Mummy to wither away by himself without ever knowing how truly and deeply I love him?" Scorpius nods seriously, ever his father's enabler in his antics. "Yes, Daddy!" Scorpius giggles as he looks up at Harry and back to his father. "Maybe Mrs. K will finally smile more if she had someone like you, Daddy, to love!"
"Doubtful, Scorpius, but it is a nice thought right, tike?" Winking, Draco looks back at Harry, taking in the obvious annoyance warring with the reluctant amusement.
"Well, then. If you must." Harry says, gathering Scorpius in an attempt to place the child down. There's a look of worry on his face as he stares at Harry in shock.
"No! Mummy, we were only joking. Joking Mummy, joking!" Scorpius wraps his arms around Harry's neck in an attempt to keep him there.
"Oh, but Mrs. Kinderfyr would forever be alone without you four. I have to prepare for," Harry's smug smile is a mirror of Draco's earlier one, "a long life without ever knowing how truly and deeply your Father loves me. It'll be such a harrowing journey, not knowing."
"No it won't! I won't let Daddy leave you! Me and T-Bear, and Ella won't leave, we'll stay," Scorpius clings onto him for dear life, legs fitting around the swell of his waist.
"I'm sorry, love." Harry secures the boy in a tight hug. Even as he chuckles he lays kisses to the round rosy cheeks wet with tears, a mirror of Draco's own actions earlier. "I would never leave you,—or your siblings—even if your father decides he's into geriatric witches." It's such an easy truth; as long as there is breath in his lungs these kids will belong to him - with, or without Draco. Though he of course wants what they have to last (and he doesn't see why it shouldn't, he's of mind that Draco Malfoy is it for him, even when he's being a pillock), there isn't a divorce, Witch, or Wizard that would keep him away from his children.
Scorpius pouts but nuzzles his face against Harry's neck. "That wasn't very nice, Mummy."
"No, it wasn't, was it?" Draco mocks, in his most posh accent.
Harry ignores him in favor of soothing Scorpius. "Shh, now Scorp. Your Daddy and I were teasing." Green eyes glare warningly at Draco as he raises a finger in an attempt to contradict. "Hmm," Harry ignores him as he rubs soothing circles against Scorpius' back.
"You won't leave us, right?" Sighing, Harry pulls back enough so that he can get a good look at eyes shaped like his, but share the same molten silver as his Father. "No, baby. I promise, I will not willingly leave you and your siblings to deal with your Father's dramatics." It's weird to see a bit of himself in Scorpius' appearance with the Blood Adoption ritual done on the eve of their wedding ceremony.
A cheeky grin forms as Harry stage whispers, "Besides, if we do leave your Daddy, we can always move in with Uncle Blaise and Auntie Ginny!" Across from them, Draco's brows dip in annoyance. "You would do no such thing!" Scorpius however, is ecstatic at the news. Uncle Blaise is nice and sneaks the kids treats he knows Draco refuses to give them after a certain time, but more importantly he and his wife, Ginny have expressed how attractive they find Harry and had propositioned him to share their bed on multiple occasions. This of course did not go over well with Draco, who at the time had yet to seal the deal so to speak.
"Enough of that codswallop, you two. No one shall be moving in with that enormous cad and his strawberry of a wife!" Draco huffs as he stands to lift the lids from their platters. Scorpius' little chest puffs up in defense, "Daddy, don't be rude to Aunty Ginny! She's not a strawberry! Strawberries are yummy, even more with cream! Aunty can't be a food, you can't eat her!"
Draco pauses while laying out a bowl of fresh fruit in front of Harry and blinks at his son's red face. Harry fights the bubble of laughter that threatens to spill over and smiles fondly at the childish logic. Of course Blaise doesn't seem to have any issues eating his "strawberry", though Scorpius needn't know he shares the same inclination of eating strawberries with cream. Harry sniggers and Draco must come to the same conclusion as he visibly shivers.
"Merlin's beard, I've walked myself right into that one." Shoulders shaking, Harry replies, "Honestly, love. You kind of deserved it." Looking at Scorpius, Harry runs a hand through his hair and praises him for getting one up on his daddy. Draco grumbles as he gets their plates set manually and Harry watches with an interest that doesn't warrant such a mundane task, as Scorpius goes on about his time at Hermione and Ron's place as he played with Rose during their weekly playdate. Usually, he would stay until supper when either Harry or Andromeda would pick him up if Draco was working late, or Harry couldn't keep anything down long enough to take the Floo, but today was a special day.
The sound of Harry's stomach complaining about the lack of food brings them all back to the reason they came to disrupt him anyway. "Scorpius, come sit here next to me, so Mummy can eat in peace." Draco using his 'Dad voice' always gets the children moving, even at their most recalcitrant stages. Pouting, Scorpius wriggles out of Harry's lap to sit in the newly transfigured high chair.
Lunch is a lighthearted affair, with Sweetheart Cabbage Soup, seasonal fruit and an absurd amount of Papaya juice. It's mostly silent as the adult's politely listen as Scorpius rehashes an adventurous retelling of the trip to the Nursery they took down the street. When Scorpius is finished eating and tired of sitting in his high seat and requests to be released. "If you must," Draco sighs but smiles as Scorpius tugs on his sleeve to mock whisper, "Did we cheer, Mummy up, Daddy?" Draco's eyes run over Harry in conformation to take in the relaxed posture, mirth-lite eyes and an almost shy smile, Draco looks back down and runs a hand through the silken blond tresses much like his own with a smile bright enough to banish the darkest memories.
While Harry had regrets, he couldn't regret this, the family he loved dearly and would be willing to live for.