Work Text:
Ango slowly walked past all of the graves around him, trying to navigate where that one special grave was. He hadn’t been here in a while due to work overload, and just overworking himself in general, but he finally got a while all to himself, so he decided to dedicate that time to visiting someone very dear to him.
His mind was blank, all empty but the thought of the man who he had come to visit. For a moment he was just walking forwards not even thinking about anything, it was as if he had just spaced out somehow.
Ango noticed a short while after when he stopped walking and quickly shook his head to come back into proper consciousness and stared at the grave in front of him. It stood at the shade of a tree that was pretty big.
The grave standing underneath the tree had the person's name written on it, the person who had apparently been so dear to him. S. Oda, it said.
Sakunosuke Oda.
“Hey Oda..saku? Yeah, I’ll just use that from now on..” the black haired man softly said as he walked towards the grave, being careful to keep his distance, he didn’t accidentally want to step somewhere he shouldn’t, Ango knew a lot about basic respect and he was always careful about it. “It’s been a while... sorry I couldn’t come, work has been pretty stressful lately, but I finally got some time so I... Decided to pay a visit”
He sat down on the floor quietly staring at Oda’s grave, he also thought to himself how he had come to actually call Oda, Odasaku. He’d always called the other ‘Oda-san’ so it felt a bit awkward to get used to that, but it somehow felt better, calling him that. “How have you been?” He asked, staying silent for a few seconds as if he was expecting an answer from Oda.
“It’s been quite a mess over here in Yokohama, but overall everything seems to be going fine.” Ango was treating it as if Oda was still a real person talking to him right now. Part of him felt as if it was just dumb since he knew he was never going to get a response, but then another part of him was just helplessly spilling words and making sentences, as if he was expressing his buried thoughts, which, he probably was.
“I quit the mafia and have started working for the government full time now and I see that Dazai-kun is working as an official member of the armed detective agency.”
Ango became extremely silent as he said that. All of a sudden he found it a bit difficult to talk.
“I hope you’re proud of him, for... listening to your advice and switching to the side that... you know? saves people..”
Ango felt as if he could barely breathe. He had the sudden urge to cry, and his eyes were at a peak of just giving up trying to hold back tears, but he couldn’t just cry, what if someone saw him? Silence slowly took over as Ango tried to calm himself down. “A-Are you proud of me for leaving the mafia too..?”
He stopped for a few seconds and then continued;
“Oh wait, silly me... I really shouldn’t be rambling on about something as stupid and small as this, it’s not like I’m going to get a response from you.” Ango tried to act reasonably but he knew it was just because he thought he sounded nosy.
“Odasaku..? I hope you’re still not mad at me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I truly am.”
“I miss you so much…”
“Oh, how I would appreciate being held by you right now. Being comforted by you sounds amazing right now.”
He kept on going on and on about it, for around a minute or two, he missed Oda so much, at times he couldn’t even go by a few hours without thinking about the other. He felt like such a burden, but he hadn’t actually talked to anyone about it, so this is basically the first time he started to let out his bottled up thoughts about Oda in a while.
“You know, I had some curry the other day and it reminded me of you..”
“Wasn't curry your favourite? I’m pretty sure it was”
As Ango expressed this a bit more he actually realized something. “I’ve been making curry more often if I do say so myself..” He admitted. He knew that he’d been making and having curry more often. It didn’t even take him a second to realize why that had been the case. “I guess I’ve just been thinking.. about you and ended up making it a few times...”
He didn’t know what to say anymore, there was a lot more stuff he could be saying, but he just couldn’t form words to actually say them.
“I just want to have some curry with you someday, we’ve never actually had curry together before, I’m pretty sure you and Dazai-kun did, but us? I don’t think so. That’s why I just want to have some with you... How does that sound, Odasaku...?”
He smiled a bit at the thought but came back to his senses rapidly, did he really just ask a deceased man to have curry with him someday?.
“...okay who am I kidding you’re literally dead.”
Did he really just say that? It’s true but that suddenly felt as if he had been stabbed in the chest. It’s been 4 whole years. 4 years, since he had died. 4 years, since he, Oda, and Dazai had their last drink together. 4 years... Since they took their last photo together.
Suddenly it all came crumbling down on him all of a sudden, Oda is deceased. He didn’t want to admit it, and still couldn't come to do so.
He felt a streak of hot tears falling down his eye, that was it, he couldn’t really hold them back this time. He pulled out a napkin from the bag he was carrying and wiped his tears. He felt like crying a lot more, but doing it out in public isn't the best solution. After wiping away his tears he checked the time on his watch. He stopped by before work so he had to make sure that he wasn’t late to work, and to his surprise, his usual time is around 15 minutes later, and a walk from his current location took about 10 minutes.
Ango got up, deciding it was time to leave. He should make some more time, later on, to visit for a longer period of time.
“Anyways I need to go to work now.” he calmly said, and followed it up with, “Goodbye Oda..saku.” Still kind of struggling to get used to calling him by that.
He ended his conversation with something he probably never expected to have said to Oda.
“I love you.”