Chapter Text
❝Those eyes held galaxies he could stare at for eternity❞
Many reminded him of the difficulties and struggles one had to go through , when they fell in love.
Some told him , love was like a bliss in their life.
A beautiful mess created by people. Having each other's back through struggles , fighting them back with smiles.
Both of the scenarios contrasted in various aspects.
A blessing or the way to one's doom.
but min yoongi believed in neither.
He had no time to waste on the thing he called nuisance. He had the job to comfort his patients, take care of them daily. But in return , he received nothing. Nothing but a money transfer in his bank account like every other month.
Spending time in the garden of the psychiatric hospital he worked in, he had always wondered. Would his life be bright as the tulips that bloomed in the warmth of the sun , nourished by the refreshing rain. Or it would be like the one particular flower that wilted among them in the bright sunlight.
It was just like any other day of his work. During his break, sitting on the bench of the garden. His fingertips brushing over the rim of the paper cup, as he stared at the vast sky with milky clouds gliding along with the warm humid breeze.
Watched in silence , how the trees rustled when the wind passed through them. He watched how the tulips danced along with the breeze. It had been a normal day for him ; spending all of his break, on his usual spot as his mind wandered different places.
But counting from that day, his life indeed took a turn.
A beautiful yet heart wrenching turn in fact.
His drowsy steps followed in the reception , his fingers trying to fix his black messy hair. It had become a part of him. Dark circles underneath his eyes which reflected the amount of sleep he had gained this week.
The news of him being assigned to a VIP patient didn't surprise him. It was his job after all, caregiving his mentally troubled patients. The job where he had to hide his true self from everyone. Nobody knew the level of patience he had in handling people , trying not to mess up.
Everyone saw his smile , but no one knew the pain behind it.
Shoving his hands in the front pockets of his hospital gown, he made his way to the VIP rooms to meet his new patient who just checked in today.
Opening the door to his room, he was met by a man maybe a few years younger than him, staring at the sky ; just like he did a few minutes ago.
"Mr. Jung Hoseok?" Yoongi called out to catch the other's attention, and it worked. Yoongi found himself staring at the eyes of his patient.
The question arose yet again.
Was love a blessing or doom?
But the thing was that Min Yoongi was about to experience both.
The countless hours he had spent staring in his patient's eyes during his stay. The memory of his eyes still were vivid in his memories. The more he had stared at them, the more he had felt himself lose his senses.
"Nice to meet you." Hoseok had called in his enthusiastic tone. The man was bubbly , full of joy and delight. People had stories. Yoongi knew it. Even the most cheerful personalities had deep dark secrets within.
That day , for the first time Yoongi had spent all of his evening talking to the younger. He didn't know why but he felt like it. Wasn't this supposed to be the purpose of his job? Making his client feel like home? But he was enjoying this a little bit more.
"Why are you here?" Yoongi asked, going through the papers of his new patient.
"I have a selective memory, I forget things very easily." Even though the patient smiled, he could feel the pain laced beneath those words. Nevertheless he returned it with a faint smile of his.
"Min yoongi, I'll be accompanying you from now on."
Both smiled genuinely that day , sharing their thoughts with one another. Yoongi noticed how the younger's eyes sparkled when they talked. He found his eyes the most radiating and fascinating. How they held the galaxies, when he smiled.
If only he could make the younger smile any longer. Would his smile be like that particular smile he cherished, the smile which brightened his whole day. If longer he had the chance to watch those heart shaped lips stretch into that soft smile.
He indeed became like the bright tulips which decorated the garden with grace when the younger stepped in his life.
Only to be torn apart by the strong gust of wind of a thunderstorm. Laying down on the ground as its petal lost its colour, its brightness , its grace.
How could Yoongi forget that smile of his, his eyes of his. How could he forget his favorite patient waiting for him on the hospital bed, demanding medicines from him, cracking silly jokes with him all day.
How could he forget his laugh, which made his lips curl in delight. Only if he could watch the younger laugh once again.
Those beautiful memories he wanted to make with him. So many things he could have done when he had the time. Going on dates while holding his hands, kissing him all he wanted, holding him in his arms until he was tired.
There were so many things he wanted to do. Only to see the younger smile once again, only to see the galaxies in his eyes.
But all he did was to bring those pathetic tears out of the younger's beautiful eyes. He had regretted it all. His heart crumbled into millions of pieces , the moment he saw his patient's eyes going glossy. His cheerful orbs reflecting hurt this time.
He had regretted loving someone who could never be his. He had regretted all of it. Regretted giving the younger's false hope. If only he could change fate into something less painful.
I love you.
Those three unspoken words which stayed at his tongue's tip, but never came out.
If only he could turn back time and say those words to the younger he was dying to say out loud when he had the time.
Would things be a little better? Would their pathetic destinies change?
❝ the younger was the reason of the smile he wore everyday.❞
What was happiness exactly?
It was a long time since he last felt that feeling blooming inside him. Every day was the same from when he became independent of himself. Living in a small apartment messily arranged. Food wrappers and clothes scattered across the floor ; mainly living off countless hours of the day at the hospitals caring for the patients ; that was his life.
Never did he imagine rejoicing the ecstatic feeling yet again, with a person none other than Jung Hoseok. The person he saw all the time , the person he sincerely cared for.
Maybe the person named hoseok came as an illusion of happiness in his life. The illusion , he could love , cherish , adore all he wanted. But it all faded one day.
Maybe that's the purpose of an illusion. Making a person imagine all he ever desired then disappearing in thin air.
Jung Hoseok was a fucking illusion.
Giving Min yoongi the fake hope of happiness in life. But yet again he enjoyed the illusion. He enjoyed every moment he had spent with the younger. Crossed eyed stares with lingering smiles on both of their lips. He enjoyed every ounce of how Hoseok made his heart flutter yet again.
"What are you doing , hyung?" There it was again. The sound of the younger he missed dearly calling upto him .
"Just enjoying the break." Yes , like everytime he was sitting on the bench admiring the art of nature in front of him. He in fact loved staring at the wandering clouds in the sky. He felt himself relax being in the company of himself and the fresh breeze.
But this time, he had another art in front of him. The man who smiled at him nevertheless knew how the situation was. Hoseok had become his light, his reason to smile.
"Makes me relax, cleanse my mind, being like this." Yoongi muttered staring back at the dark cumulus patches clouding over their heads. Hoseok joined him , without uttering a word, taking in all the peace in silence.
"It's really relaxing." Hoseok said before opening a diary in his hands. It attracted yoongi's attention as he peered at the pages of the diary while the younger drew the sky above them. A small garden filled with gorgeous tulips , with green lush trees towering above a bench.
Yoongi stared in astonishment when the younger drew two people on the bench as he looked up to see the younger giggling softly.
"It's my special diary, you know." He continued.
"I store my memories here." Jung Hoseok looked up to meet his curious eyes, a faint sad smile accompanied his features.
"It makes me happy to look at the memories I have made so far. " The thunder echoed across the horizon as people started getting inside the hospital building except those two.
They had long forgotten about time as they stared into each other's eyes. Neither of them wanted to break off the eye contact but the younger did at last. Looking back at the trickling rain drops falling on the ground.
"You never know when happiness comes and goes. So it's best for me to store every single memory of mine. I never know when I forget what I cherished." Closing the blue diary with his palms, he stood up from the bench. His bare feet came in contact with the rain droplets that covered the grass.
Yoongi was in trance looking at the man in front of him. Jung hoseok was nothing else than a painting. A hand extended upto him while those dewy rain droplets fell upon them. The droplets adorned both of their hospital gowns.
"Don't wanna catch a cold. So shall we?" Yoongi was left with no choice but to hold his hand. It felt magical indeed, holding hands with someone in the slight drizzle.
"I feel happy. It's the first happy memory I made with you." Yoongi's lips stretched into his gummy smile as he was dragged into the building amidst the rainfall.
In years , he felt happy yet again. That was the first time he held the younger's hand on his own. Fingers tightened around each other. It was everything he ever wanted.
Someone to care about him.
It felt like they had switched roles. He was supposed to care about his patient, not the other way around.
Nevertheless it felt good, felt like home indeed.
Just like the younger had said. It was their first happy memory together. He wanted the series to continue. Hoseok had said he felt happy but he didn't know that Yoongi did feel happy too.
From that day onwards, Jung Hoseok became his reason to smile. His reason to come to the hospital and care for his dear patient. His reason at how he did feel happiness yet again.
Whether or not, it was for a limited time.
fuck, all he remember was the smile the younger held when he called him , shared secrets with one another. He wanted to go back , experience it all over again.
Holding his hand, running in the rain , sitting with him at break. He missed all of it. He missed the light inside him when he was with the younger. He missed how Jung Hoseok made him feel. He made him feel special like no one else did before.
Yes, Jung Hoseok was an illusion.
An illusion of happiness in his life. The illusion that crept into his life unknowingly at the moment he least expected, the illusion which also had to leave him after making him like this, the illusion he made cherishable memories with.
Jung Hoseok was a beautiful illusion in his life.
If only that illusion could become his reality.
❝broken hearts are meant to be broken, no matter
how hard you try to fix them.❞
Was it always like this ?
The garden filled with butterflies, dancing on the petals of the tulips which were enjoying the cool atmosphere of that day. Was this always so mesmerizing? Did he never appreciate the beauty which laid in front of him?
It felt a thousand times better with the younger on his side. Taking a walk around when the wind gushed through the skies , kissing their warm skin goodbye until they found it again..
It felt magical, he adored everything he was experiencing. How did he end up like this ? Having someone taking care of you was something Yoongi never expected. He was supposed to be the one with fragments of his heart all around the place.
But it felt like it was healing, he could actually feel the pieces of his emotions gathering around together to be complete once again.
"I have always been like this." Hoseok said while their steps synced forward. It made him look at the younger with curious eyes. Did he ever tell the younger that he was beautiful? So gorgeous to look at.
"You know, growing up in a family where they think you are of no use. I have been sent through multiple asylums , hospitals. My life has always been, you know, bland."
"What about your parents?"
"I'm grateful that they pay for my VIP ward. To be honest, I don't expect anything from them anymore. Maybe if I could forget them, that would be great."
Yoongi was at a loss of words watching the younger staring at his feet while they walked. He wasn't aware of Hoseok's condition until now. The younger was broken.
Just like him.
"Hyung, what about you?" He asked with a smile with them reaching upto the similar bench.
"I lost them in an accident a few years ago." He answered, returning the sad smile of the younger. Both seated together on the bench staring at the sky.
"Then we both have broken hearts." A giggle erupted from his soft lips as he stared at them. Something stirred inside him when a hand wrapped around his, the same warmth.
"What?" To think, he was a mess which was made when a mirror broke, into fragments like his heart. But when he felt the younger's fingers intertwined around his. It was a blur. There was only Jung Hoseok there.
Yoongi and he only.
"It feels nice." The younger lifted their interlaced hands for him to see as he felt his cheeks getting flushed.
"It feels nice holding onto your hand, it feels like finally someone cares." How could Yoongi ever forget that feeling, the younger made him feel that day.
Sometimes love didn't come in the form of a clear future , sometimes it came in the form of flourishing memories one cherished.
Memories worth remembering.
Just like Hoseok did, scribbling on his diary aggressively.
Yoongi had once asked him about what he was drawing so eagerly.
"You." The younger answered.
"Hyung, I'm scared I might forget you as well." He said with a smile. How could someone hold a smile when they were hurting the lost? It was a mystery to yoongi.
"Then I would always be with you, so that you won't forget me." Yoongi failed in keeping that promise.
Sometimes people won't be there when you need them the most, instead their memories do.
Jung Hoseok was the memory. His memory.
It was said that no matter how much you try to fix them, broken hearts will always remain broken.
Yoongi's heart healed a little bit only to break into thousands to millions of times more than the last time.
Maybe Hoseok's heart remained broken too? Who knows.
Yoongi never had the chance to question him.