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Sitting there, Jaewon couldn't stop feeling scared and anxious, his heart was beating so hard, he'd even started sweating. Jaewon's been waiting for a while now, detained in the police department, waiting for his trial. It's been so long since he last saw his mother, his friends, his coworkers, he felt so lonely in that room. The only person who pays a visit from time to time is his lawyer, Dongho, who's been trying his best to help him.
He looked outside, trying to ease his mind. It was a bright, relaxing day, birds singing and a couple of kids playing in the park. He missed being outside, he missed playing with Dongho's cat, he missed talking to his mom, he missed joking and helping his coworkers; he missed being free. Jaewon couldn't deny it, he was afraid, afraid of losing everything and everyone in his life. He didn't want to be alone and he didn't want to be the cause of his people's suffering. Was there hope for him? Was there a way to be free again? Or there was no point in trying anymore? Was he making Dongho waste his time? Was he being selfish? He didn't know the answer to any of those questions.
The clock was ticking, his fate has been written and he doesn't know how it ends, and that thought terrifies him. Dongho came in, with a stoic expression, but it was evident he was feeling scared, he wasn't sure how all this was going to end either but he tried to keep his composure. Jaewon was trying to be strong, but it was hard to keep his tears to himself.
"Everything's going to be okay, trust me." His voice was kinda shaky, as if he himself didn't trust his own words.
"Thank you for staying by my side, Hyung." He gave him a pained smile, as if he himself knew it was over.
Policemen came in, putting handcuffs in his hands and ignoring Jaewon's terrified gaze. It was finally time for him to face his fate, it was finally time for him to know if his story ends here or there's another chapter awaiting. His head was a mess, his heart beating even faster than before, he was feeling dizzy and wanted to throw up so badly. Before getting into the car, he quickly saw Dongho's face, with a reassuring smile, it almost made him burst into tears. He got inside the car, trembling.
"Everything's going to be okay." He sure hoped so.
The ride was long, silent, and awkward. Not a single soul was making a sound. An officer was looking at him from time to time, unamused. Jaewon didn't dare to look up, he was feeling anxious, unsafe, scared of the officer's eyes on him. He closed his eyes, trying to think about other things, trying to forget where he was and where he was headed.
He then saw himself in the park. He was wearing Dongho's favorite hoodie, with his glasses on and a pretty good book in hand. He then saw his mother walking towards him, a beaming smile on her face, ready to give him a big hug, those he used to receive when he wanted attention. Last, he saw Dongho. He was wearing a black shirt Jaewon gave him as a gift once, with Boba in his arms, walking towards them with a little smile. Jaewon felt at ease, relaxed, happy; he wanted to experience those feelings more often.
Then it was finally time to come to earth. He abruptly opened his eyes, watching the officers getting out of the car and opening his door. Gulp. He got out of the car and started walking slowly, a few officers by his side, firmly grabbing his arms. It started to hurt. Jaewon was uncomfortable, his vision becoming blurry because of the tears, his head started to hurt just as much as his heart.
He took a look at the place, it was really beautiful: white walls, decorated with a few famous paintings he only saw in museums and little plants and big ones in the corners of every room, making it feel a little more lively. There were also statues in a few desks, all so different from each other but giving the exact same vibe. His eyes came back to his hands, feeling scared because of the eyes on him, judging every move and glance, his posture and the way he walked. Joking about how nervous he looked and how much he was trembling. It hurt. He wanted to get out of there so bad.
They stopped in front of a big door. He inhaled, preparing himself mentally; he was about to experience the most important moment of his life, the one that decides his fate once and for all.
The big gates were opened, and Jaewon entered, slowly. He was placed in a seat in front of the judge, who was looking directly at him, sending shivers down his spine. He then spotted Dongho, who was in a seat next to the judge, looking at him, attempting to make him feel better by smiling, though he also looked like he was about to faint. Jaewon tried to stay calm, doing a few breathing exercises. It kind of worked, though he was still feeling nervous.
A lot of people were there, he knew some of them and others not, it still made him anxious. The judge was also accompanied by a jury, making it all a lot more terrifying than he had imagined. He started looking around, trying to think of something else. He abruptly stopped when the judge started talking, with a deep and powerful voice: "This is the case of Ahn Jaewon, who's suspected to be the culprit of the murdering of businessman Mr. Park." Gulp. He lowered his head, completely scared, not knowing what to do anymore, the handcuffs started to hurt his wrists and now he was under the judge's terrifying gaze.
"Ahn Jaewon, how do you plead?" He's innocent, and he knows that. Still, it was hard for him to get the words out of his mouth.
"Not guilty," he said, in the most shaky tone he could ever have used.
He sat down again, covered in cold sweat, his lungs gasping for air. He felt dizzy all of a sudden, almost bursting into tears. He was happy no one noticed nevertheless.
The trial had started, his innocence and his freedom were on the line, everything could go either pretty well or pretty bad, he was afraid of knowing of each result anyway. He decided to take a look at them, and realized someone was there, a witness it seemed, and oh, it was pretty comforting seeing her there: Nari, her superior, was there on his behalf, and that melted his heart. Jaewon was pretty happy because she was still by his side, she's always been like a second mother to him, always taking care of him and helping him in anything he needed. Nari's got a pure heart, even though she could be a little too intense sometimes.
"He was with me that day." She spoke in that serious tone she had when it was needed, making her look pretty powerful in his eyes.
"He wouldn't do that, even if he had the chance." She knew him too well, it was making him feel all emotional.
"You know it's illegal to lie in court, right?"
"Yes, I know."
After all that, Nari got out of the room, locking eyes with Jaewon and giving him a reassuring smile. It was at that moment he let his tears go down his cheeks, he needed a big hug, he was too scared, he didn't want Nari to leave, he needed her jokes and upbeat personality to make him feel better.
Feeling a little embarrassed, he tried to get rid of his tears, trying to calm himself once again: he needed to be strong, for his mom, Dongho, Nari and himself.
He realized the other party also had a witness, one that Jaewon knew too well. Ahra entered that room, ignoring his surprised and hurt face. She stood there, looking at Dongho with a saddened face, looking almost guilty, though that didn't stop the words out of her mouth.
"I was with Mr. Park when he was murdered." Jaewon's eyes were wide, looking almost in disbelief, he couldn't believe what his ears were hearing.
"He got shot in the head, it all occurred too fast." He was shocked, frozen in the spot, even Dongho couldn't hide the surprised look on his face.
"I saw him there, and he shot me too." His face was pale, eyes wide in horror at the realization: she was talking about him.
"You know it's illegal to lie in court, right?"
"Yes, I know."
She looked at him, an apologetic look on her face as she started her way out of that room as fast as she could. Jaewon felt as if a dagger was being stabbed to his heart, painfully slow, leaving him to agonize there, completely hopeless.
He then stopped listening to what was going on, completely caught on his head. He was once again feeling dizzy, the world spinning around him, his lungs gasping for air. He was covered in cold sweat, feeling like fainting. He didn't realize there were people by his side, trying to help him calm down as much as they could. He started breathing steadily again, and a person there offered him a cup of water. He thanked them internally.
He felt Dongho's eyes on him, looking worried and scared, he wasn't able to hide his feelings anymore, it was a stressful situation for both of them.
The jury was ready to give their verdict, raising the tension in the room, making it harder to breathe for Jaewon. He then stood up, being accompanied by Dongho and an officer, looking at the judge, who was locking eyes with him. Jaewon was used to it, feeling so small in front of powerful people, being stepped on and feeling like a scum. But this was different, the judge's eyes were so firm and cold, an intense glare being directed at him like an arrow, making him tremble; this was something he hadn't experienced in so long, it was terrifying.
"After all the evidence being presented here, we have found Ahn Jaewon guilty beyond a reasonable doubt."
He got down to his knees, completely shocked. Dongho gave him a big hug, his heart beating so fast, looking devastated. Jaewon's eyes were directed to the judge, making him feel even smaller than before.
"After all the evidence being presented here and the jury's decision, I sentence defendant Ahn Jaewon to the death penalty."
He couldn't take it anymore. Everything went dark.
The days passed by faster than he wanted, but it wasn't something he could stop.
Like a few weeks ago, he was waiting again in that cell, his heart hurting. He's been thinking about everything that's happened lately, every thought making him want to throw up. So this was it? Was there really nothing he can do to get out of this situation anymore? He took a look at himself in that little mirror in that room, he looked terrible: his eyes were red, his hair was so messed up and his eyebags were so noticeable. He also lost a lot of weight. He hadn't been sleeping well these days, and he didn't even want to eat anymore. What's the point if he's going to die anyways?
That thought still terrifies him, even if now he can say it so naturally. He's tried to get used to the idea, but it's hard to accept that you're going to die, especially because of something you didn't do. He still wanted to cry, but he needed to stay strong now, he could cry all he needed when he gave his speech before dying. His thoughts were interrupted by a few officers who came to his cell, looking for him to go. It was time. Just like a few weeks ago, they put those handcuffs in his hands, he was used to them already. Then got out and started walking towards that room. His fate has been written, and he was so curious about the ending. Now he knows it: there's no more chapters awaiting for him, everything is done and final. His story ends in that room he's headed to.
Carefully he entered and was placed in that chair, his hands tied to it, preventing him from moving. He was facing a crowd that was separated by a thin glass. There he saw a few people, people he would miss: his mother was there, looking at him, her eyes red and shining because of the tears she was shedding, it was so heartbreaking to him. Nari was at her left alongside Jun, a good coworker and an amazing friend; Nari was looking at him, her eyes were red too, she wasn't smiling anymore, Jaewon couldn't help but give her a reassuring smile, those he used to receive from her. He then saw Jun, who wouldn't even dare to look at him, his face was a lot more serious than he was used to. Then his eyes went to Dongho, who was looking at him too, his expression blank but his eyes, those firm eyes had unshed tears in them.
His head was a complete mess, he didn't know what to do anymore, he didn't want to die, he wanted to live. Everything hurts.
"I don't want to die."
"Please, don't cry for me."
"Promise me you all will live and move on. If I can't live anymore, then I want you to. Do it for me".
"I will always love you. I'm sorry for causing you all this suffering."
He looked at them, tears streaming down his cheeks, his heart was beating heavily on his chest, it was getting harder to breathe, it was getting harder to speak, it was getting harder to keep his eyes open.
"Don't forget me, please."
Everything was silent. He smiled one last time, closing his eyes. He gave in to the darkness.