Chapter Text
There's a large wart on the side of the Sandaime's nose that moves as he speaks. Kakashi hadn't noticed that before now. It's fascinating to watch, if a little grotesque.
"—are you even listening, Kakashi?" The wart shifts again– this time to the side because the Sandaime's mouth is curling in anger.
"Mm, of course, Hokage-sama." Kakashi tries to seem pleasant, the council's beady gaze boring into his forehead as he refuses to meet their eyes.
The Sandaime fixes him with a piercing glare, letting the grandfatherly facade drop. "Then you understand the mission?"
"Perfectly."
The mission consists of three snot-nosed brats straight out of the academy: Naruto Uzumaki (who smiles bright like Obito, has Kushina's face, and Minato's hair), Sasuke Uchiha (whose eyes reflect back the same dead eyed boredom he sees in the mirror everyday), and Sakura Haruno (who he really doesn't know all that much about and yet understands perfectly).
When he finally decides to show up to the academy, three hours late of course, they're all already arguing amongst each other about who knows what in hushed voices. Not even three hours in and they're already at each other's throats.
Kakashi feels a little traitorous at the thought of failing his sensei's son.
He decides to humor them, however, and throws them a bone. "Hmm, my first impression of you? I hate you all." he says, and just as he's about to disappear in a whirlwind of leaves, because he's dramatic as the best of times, adds in, "Oh, and meet me on the roof."
It takes them more than ten minutes to just make it up to the roof. Kakashi checks his watch. After about fifteen minutes, he's about to call quits and fail them right there when they arrive with both boys nursing swollen cheeks and Sakura trying desperately to hide a smug smile.
Interesting.
He goes through his usual script of likes, dislikes, and hobbies like he's not going to fail them as soon as he gets a chance. And not one of them blinks, all three of them looking bored out of their minds.
It's not the expression he usually gets from wet behind the ears genin.
Clearing his throat, Kakashi adds, "Okay then. Blondie, go first."
Naruto smiles wide and unfiltered, eyes glinting in excitement (and it looks so much like Obito that it hurts). "My name's Uzumaki Naruto! I like ramen and Sakura-chan," he grins at Sakura who smiles back while Uchiha rolls his eyes. "I don't like him," he pauses to glare over at Sasuke and oh great another tween rivalry to take care of– "but I especially don't like those who hurt the people I care about. My hobbies are gardening and playing cards!"
It's about what he expected if Kakashi's being honest. Naruto resembles Kushina even more than he's letting on from that introduction if the multiple pranks around the village are anything to go by.
He rolls his shoulders, "You next, Pinky."
Sakura smiles sweetly, almost sinister in a way. "I'm Haruno Sakura." Kakashi waits for her to continue. Apparently taking notice of his expectancy, Sakura rolls her eyes, "I like some things, don't like others. I don't feel like telling you about my dreams– and that's about it," she flips her hair, cockily. "Haruno Sakura, remember it."
Kakashi swears he feels his eye twitch."That's very nice." Why, oh, why was he being forced to deal with children. He calls on Uchiha next while taking a deep breath to prevent himself from choking this child out.
"My name is Uchiha Sasuke." Kakashi leans in, preparing himself for the worst. He remembers the day of the massacre like the back of his hand: images of blood, echoes of screams, and flashes of bodies being dragged around have woven themselves underneath his eyelids everytime he looks in the compound's general direction.
"I like tomatoes and dislike natto. My hobbies are walking and training. As for dreams–" Sasuke pauses thoughtfully, "I have a few."
Well. That was incredibly underwhelming. Or boring. Mostly boring.
He feels slightly cheated by all of them if Kakashi's being honest. Most new genins usually provide more drama than this but all them are just sitting there. They're very… strange, sure, but not in an interesting way.
"You three are all," He struggles to find words, "very different. I like it!" They all stare up at him looking vaguely bored.
Haruno checks her nails.
He shuffles them into his usual speech on failings and tests and percentages and pauses only to look at their bored faces for a hint of– doubt.
Their skills are dismal. He's never seen genin this bad.
He's not sure what he was expecting from Sasuke but he was at least expecting the top rookie of the year to be able to throw a kunai. Every single throw had missed him with such a large berth of distance, it was almost laughable.
The other two were even worse: Haruno mainly waited around while the other two ran around like wild animals and Naruto chased after him without ever closing a distance two meters between them.
Just what were they teaching these kids at the academy?
His alarm goes off without him having to move from his spot at all. Grabbing Naruto by the scruff of his neck, he sighs. "Well that was terrible." Naruto attempts to struggle out of his grasp, face twisted up in displeasure. "You three are by far the worst ninja I've ever seen."
Sakura and Sasuke just grin in response. Or Sakura grins. The corners of Sasuke's lips tick up into a muted smirk.
He ties Naruto to the tree like he's done for every other genin team before them and explains the rules: "You must not feed him, do you understand? If I catch you feeding him, you will be cut from the ninja corps immediately and will never be able to–"
Uchiha sticks his chopsticks in Naruto's mouth halfway through his threat.
"Team 10?" The Hokage's wart moves again, in junction with the words in his mouth. He really should consider removal.
"Pass," Asuma pauses to grin cheekily, "I like them already. Great teamwork, well trained, and filled to the brim with the Will of Fire. The academy turned out an interesting bunch this year." Interesting, indeed, Kakashi thinks.
Sarutobi smiles in response, "Sounds like they'll make a fine squad." And takes a drag of his pipe, "Team 9?"
A Jounin in the back mutters 'failed' and he hums, "Okay then, Team 8?"
"Pass." Kurenai frowns and continues, "Hinata's a bit shy," Kakashi wishes one of his Genin were shy, "but we can work on that. Shino and Kiba are good kids so I'm sure they'll attempt to make her feel as comfortable as possible. Their skills are well above average as well."
Sarutobi takes a drag of his pipe. "It'll be a challenge to integrate the Hyuga heir into team activities. considering her… circumstances. However, if anyone could do it, it would be you." Kurenai bows, low and respectful, with a mutter of 'hokage sama'.
Sarutobi flips through his paperwork, sighing when he looks at the next team. He cradles his forehead in his hands as if he already knows what Kakashi is going to say, "Team 7?"
Around eleven pairs of eyes snap up from their end of meeting haze to look at him. Kakashi doesn't blame them for their sudden interest: everyone knew putting Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke on a team together was going to cause a mess and his own reputation with Genin teams didn't exactly help that sentiment.
Bracing himself for the reaction he knows he's going to get from the rest of the room, he shifts his demeanor into something more easy going. "Passed." Kakashi drawls, almost smirking at the shocked silence that's fallen across the meeting room. Makes a point not to say anything else.
Kurenai furrows her brow at him, to which Kakashi tries to mouth later underneath his mask. He's not sure if she really understands what he was trying to say.
Behind her the Sandaime looks at him, slightly shocked and a little relieved, but mostly smug and Kakashi thinks, Fuck you old man.
"... So, what's up with your genin?" Asuma asks him over a cup of luke-warm beer after the meeting. Beside him, Kurenai looks at him expectantly while swishing her bright cocktail around in a party glass.
Kakashi raises one (visible) eyebrow and sighs, "I honestly have no idea how they passed. They were bad."
"That bad?"
"Worse." Kakashi responds, "Passed on a technicality."
Asuma whistles, long and low, before taking a drag of his cigarette. "Good luck with that." He chuckles.
Kakashi doesn't respond, instead taking a swig of his beer, grimacing at the burn. Good luck to me indeed.