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He was afraid. No. He was more than afraid. He was terrified. For years he used to take care of his siblings. He wasn't their brother. He was their father. He knew how to treat to all the wounds his siblings ran to him with. Those little scratches Ty always had after trying to catch little animals, dozens of cuts Dru received after trying to rearrange her DVD collection, tiny paper cuts that made Tavvy cry, all of them were easier healed by an iratze.
But all the healing runes he drew on Livvy? They vanished as soon as he drew them. “Livia.” his voice rose, cracking and tumbling over itself like a wave breaking far out to sea. “Livvy, my baby, please, sweetheart, open your eyes, it’s Jules, I’m here for you, I’m always here for you, please, please —”
But Livvy, his baby sister, looked paler than snow. Her blue green eyes glazed over like glass. Unmoving. Helen once told him that Julian is good enough to be the consul one day. But how could he be the consul and lead hundreds of shadowhunters when he can't save his own sister? He knew that it's his fault. He shouldn't have trusted Annabel. He shouldn't have let Livvy get hurt.
No matter how much he begged and plead, Livvy wouldn't even blink. His baby. His little sister who lost too much as a child, who always was there for her twin, who told him about asking from Ty again to become her parabatai after the council meeting, who had many dreams and a bright future ahead of her, was still and unmoving in his arms. Her blood soaking through both of them like a broken fountain.
He could feel his heart throbbing with pain. It hurt him physically, burning through him, tearing him into pieces. Suddenly, it wasn't just his pain anymore. He felt like he was on fire, the skin above his heart burning with pain and blood pouring from his Parabatai rune.
Emma
Julian didn't know how or when, but he wasn't holding Livvy anymore. He was holding Emma. His Emma. As much as he hated the fact that their bond was what stood between their love, that doesn't mean he didn't want her as his parabatai. She was his life. His universe. But what will you do when your universe is dying in your arms? Bleeding to death?
Emma’s gaze fixed on his. Her dark brown eyes held his gaze like a caress. She reached up to touch his cheek. He felt her blood against his skin. She was still warm, still breathing in his arms. “I’d rather die like this than be separated from you forever.” “Please don’t leave me, Emma,” Julian said. His voice broke. “Please don’t leave me in this world without you.” She managed to smile at him. “You were the best part of my life,”
Then she was gone...
“ EMMA! ” Julian woke with her name on his lips. Just like always. And he turned to his side. Where Emma always slept. And his face blanched as he took what is in front of him to his mind. Cold Paris wind breezing outside. It sounded hollow. Just like his heart.
Emma's side of bed was empty.
He was dying. Emma knew what is happening. She's gone through the same scenario in her dreams for a countless times after it happened. Her Jules. Her Julian. And she was, like every time, was drawing iratze on him.
“Why did you pull the arrow out?” she demanded, pulling her sweater over her head. She had a tank top on under it. She patted his chest and side with the sweater, absorbing as much of the blood as she could. Jules’s breath was coming in harsh pants. “Because when someone—shoots you with an arrow—” he gasped, “your immediate response is not—‘Thanks for the arrow, I think I’ll keep it for a while.’”
“Good to know your sense of humor is intact.” “Like I said, it was burning,” Julian said. “Not like a normal wound. Like there was something on the arrowhead, acid or something.”
But unlike the other times, there was too much blood. Way too much. It was pooling around them. Soaking into their clothes. It was different. It was too realistic. Too painful even to watch.
Then she gasped as something cold pressed to her side. Her eyes flew open. And she was alone. On the rooftop of the Paris institute. Surrounded by darkness. It reminded her of the time in which she almost got drawned to death. Panic seized her. It was suffocating.
“ Emma!”
Then there was nothing in the world that mattered to her as she breathed in the familiar scent of him: cloves, soap, salt.
‘ It was just a stupid dream. ’ She told herself while wrapping her arms around him. Both of them were shivering. And that wasn't just because of the cold wind. They knew things aren't the same as it was. With them being on their travel year, it wasn't just an educational trip. It was their way of getting used to the new life. The one they are willing to live together.
When they opened their eyes a long time later, there were stars. Shining brightly on the sky and hiding the traces of the dark clouds that once covered them. Just like them. Hiding the traces of their dark past and shining together. They didn't need to speak. Because both of them were thinking about the same thing.
“ I love you more than starlight ”