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The Impala sits sheltered, protected from the elements. In the nice little garage Sam made sure they had, especially for her. She's the single physical peice he has, to remember the good times. Even if they are few and far between. The smell of leather and his brothers cologne are often his only comfort, but also a touch of hell. And Sam knows hell, more then any other human alive.
At night, when the grief gets to be to much, or when sleep just won't come, he sometimes sneaks out to seek that comfort. He will sit in silence some nights. Others he turns the engine over just to hear her roar to life and Dean's voice in his head "that's my baby". Tonight he decides music will be his company.
He flips the key and she comes alive under his hands. She still sounds like a dream. Dean would be proud of the way Sam has kept her up. For the first time since he pulled it from the tape deck in the bunker, all those months ago, Sam digs the tape from Dean's room out of the glove box. Where he put it away from the rest of Dean's collection.
He slides it into the tape deck and music fills the car. He's missed hearing Dean's voice. But that's not the soul reason he decided on that tape. After flipping through Dean's personal journal he realizes there's more then one song written in its pages. And the curiosity has finally gotten the best of him. He needs to know if Dean recorded any more of them on this tape.
He hits rewind and starts at the beginning. It's the typical Dean shit to start with. Ramble On and House's of the Holy. But the song's start to shift, and given what Sam knows now, he wonders if this started out as a mixtape for Cas.
The end of Side A, is a song Sam knows must be one from Dean's book. It starts much like the last one, a few notes. Sounds of adjustment. A few more, throat clearing, then Dean's voice fills the Impala once again.
Sam flips quickly through the book, to find the words for this one. He wants to take them in, with every sense he can.
"Quarter to
Foreseen violence
When all the rage
Climbs out of the silence
This paper and pen
Always been the weapon of choice
Flavored in red
Tryin' to keep from raising my voice"
As Sam listens through he starts to understand the life he thought Dean loved, took a huge toll on him. Few good things came out of it. The same as Eileen being Sam's silver lining, Cas must have been Dean's.
"Finally home
Givin' all that I know
That'll let me be
Oh sеarchin' my soul
For a word that'll show
Just how much I see"
The tape player clicks off to let him know thats the last song on this side. Sam sits for a while with just Baby's rumble and his own thoughts. He figures this must be the side before Cas died. He doesn't have the strength to flip the tape and listen through again. He knows on the other side the hopelessness that will creep in now that he knows what the song's mean.
Sam hopes that Dean has found his peace, found Cas. Heaven time flows different he knows. But he also knows now, for sure, there isn't anything in heaven that will stop Dean from ripping down the walls to Cas.