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The car ride to Ms. Calendar’s apartment is in almost complete silence - mostly on Jenny’s part because she fears that if she opens her mouth, she will vomit all over the inside of Giles’s car. She is trying very hard to stop that from happening. After all, less than 20 minutes ago she was possessed by an evil demon and had his soul literally choked out of her. So she's allowed to not be at her best. Her body feels like it fell down 50 flights of stairs and did not make it to the bottom in one piece. A few moments ago, she was barely able to walk herself to the car and was only able to manage with Rupert supporting almost all of her weight. Giles on the other hand, is afraid to so much as move too loudly and hasn’t made a single noise. Every 3 seconds or so he looks distractedly back at Jenny slumped against the window, sweating and breathing raggedly.
Now Jenny has done her fair share of some crazy drugs. Acid at Burning Man is an annual tradition at this point so she no stranger to a bad comedown. But even she has never experienced anything like this before. Her whole body is on fire and her head feels like it's splitting open from the inside. It's like someone has picked her up like a doll and shook her and now everything around her is forever spinning. She looks outside to see block after block rushing by the window, and she can feel a new wave of nausea begin to hit. She quickly closes her eyes and, although her body still feels not fully her own, she can use what little control she has to lean her face on the window, the cool glass grounding her. Slowly she attempts to take deep breaths to quell the rising ball in her throat. Aside form the occasional car signal the only other sound in the silent car is her shallow breathing.
Giles is trying his hardest to focus on the road, but he is almost paralyzed with fear. He doesn’t know what to do. These past couple of days he has been an unqualified ass. Moron is not a strong enough description for the level of idiocy he demonstrated. Lying, hiding, attacking, blaming. He might not be able to forgive himself for the damage his foolish actions have caused. How can he expect Jenny to forgive him? His arrogance put her and the children in danger and now, because of it, he may have ruined everything between them.
Giles has driven to her apartment only twice, but luckily remembers the way. Looking over at Jenny again, all of a sudden he can’t tell whether she is simply very still or unconscious. “Jenny, please stay awake, we are almost there.” He hesitates for a moment, then reaches over to pull her hair back. “Jenny?” Her head jerks up, “Mmmmmmmmm” was all he gets, but at least she's awake now. When they finally get to the apartment building, he parks as close to her door as he can and turns off the car. Now the only sound is Jenny’s breaths that appear to be getting slower and deeper. Giles finds it almost amusing that when he's been in this position before, dropping Jenny off late at night, he's usually nervous for a completely different reason. He is flustered by the beautiful woman teasing him, hand on his arm, looking at him with eyes as big as her smile. Just this morning he was still nervous to kiss her despite their previous ones going so well, knowing that hordes of meddlesome students were coming from every angle. Under normal circumstances, Giles shakingly opening Jenny’s car door for her would get him a playful jab for his out-dated etiquette. But tonight is anything but a normal circumstance.
Jenny must have nodded off again because the next thing she knows Rupert is reaching past her to unbuckle her seat-belt, his face filled with caring. “Jenny, we’re here.” His voice is soft. Almost as soft as his hands she feels cupping her face, and just as gentle as the way he is looking at her, eyes wide. She can’t help but reach towards him, slow and dazed as if still surprised he is really there. She lets her finger-tips rest on his cheek, feeling the warmth. There were so many times tonight she tried to reach out for him but could only watch, trapped. She revels now in the fact that her arms are finally doing as she says. Giles finally breaks their gaze and reaches down, looping his arm around her waist. Luckily she no longer feels nauseous, but her body is still heavy, and everything but Rupert feels very VERY far away. It is a bit hard to lift her up and shut the car door, all the while not falling over himself. However, he is able to manage. Jenny knows it's going to be a long trek up to her apartment, but she's very eager to be horizontal so she pushes forward.
They finally make their way up the stairs and slowly down the hall. He hopes to god he remembers right, and that hers is the second one from the end. A rather gaudy arrangement of fake flowers that he doesn't remember being there before hangs clumped in a basket on the door. He questions his memory for a moment, not imagining this as Jenny’s idea of decoration. She notices they have stopped walking and looks up. “Behind it.” Her voice is short and strained, but it's enough information for Giles to understand and he reaches his hand around the back feeling a small key taped to the wood. After fumbling for a moment with the lock, the fake flowers clatter as he swings the door open and they both finally step into her dimly-lit apartment. Putting the key down and closing the door in one fluid motion, he starts to steer Jenny to the only door he sees, which he assumes leads to the bedroom. Although Jenny is starting to feel more conscious, she's quickly losing energy to keep herself upright even with Rupert doing most of the work. She's able to motion towards the bed, collapsing at the end of it. She’s swaying a bit but can manage to sit up.
Giles leans down letting her rest on his shoulders. Taking off her shoes as carefully as he can, what he sees makes his heart stop. Huge black bruises crawl up her shins. He looks up at her arms to a similar pattern of blue and black with a crisscross of cuts and scraps all the way up. The demon may have temporarily given her body unnatural strength and power, but it is still Jenny. His Jenny, so strong willed and courageous, but still human, still fragile.
Giles has seen a lot in these years as a watcher. Possessions, demons, and dead, so many dead students, killed by the never-ending violence of this hellmouth. But even Giles has never seen anyone go through such a level of demon possession and survive. What he foolishly attempted in his youth pales in comparison. He is certain that her physical bruises will inevitably heal. But the invasion of her body...and the emotional and mental aftermath…he can’t even imagine.
All he really wants to do is to bury himself in her lap, feel her warm and solid and alive, and let himself breakdown. His words from earlier echo in his head:
Everything will be all right.
Promise?
I promise
But he couldn't promise. It wasn’t alright. Nothing that had happened tonight was alright. He acted senselessly today. He was brash, and arrogant, and selfish, and made others pay the price for it. He has tried to teach his slayer that there is strength in numbers, to admit your wrongs and ask for assistance when you bloody-well need it! But Giles is not used to being the one who has to ask. Ask for help, for forgiveness, for comfort. God, does he want to get comfort from Jenny! But he knows he can’t. He is the cause of her suffering, and damned if he'll put anymore on to her.
“Jenny sweetheart, I am truly sorry but we do have to get up one more time.” He hears a soft groan. “I know. But I am afraid we need to dress some of these cuts.”
Cuts? That does explain where the faint stinging is coming from. Jenny is not happy about having to use her legs again, but she thinks she can make it. She lets herself groan and whine, but she reaches out towards Rupert again, letting his arms catch her weight. Even though Jenny’s brain keeps reminding her that she shouldn’t let him care for her like this, she's having trouble giving a fuck. Must be the exhaustion, or the almost-dying. But it might be the warm ball in her chest as he so sweetly and gingerly helps her out of the car, or the soft words of encouragement as they climb the stairs, or perhaps the sweetheart that he didn’t even notice slip out. But she’s telling herself it’s the exhaustion.
They get back into their established configuration, his arms around her waist, her head collapsed on his shoulder. They walk slowly into the small bathroom. He seats Jenny down softly and starts to look for bandages and a cloth. Cleaning with alcohol would probably be the most appropriate, but the last thing he wants to do right now is cause her more pain than he needs to. Instead, he warms the cloth with soap and water. Then he stands there for a moment, hesitating. Jenny is swaying softly in an effort to stay up, eyes closed again.
He feels like they have skipped about a dozen steps as they find themselves alone in her bathroom. What he would give right now for a snarky comeback instead of the looming threat of concussion. The banter is what they’ve been good at, where this undefined relationship has been comfortable. The quipping back and forth, light and casual. But this level of vulnerability? Certainly not. She usually dresses her own wounds, insisting he check on the children.
Only once has he ever seen her upset and it was by accident, walking in while she was talking on the phone. It was the only time he had seen her be anything other than playfully cheerful or appropriately serious. She waved it away simply saying “Oh, just family drama” and then quickly changed the subject, returning to her playfully cheerful self. There are times he gets the feeling that she hasn’t let him get very close to her at all and he questions how much actually knows about her.
“Um…..” He clears his throat, figuring out how to begin. Getting down on his knees, cloth in hand, he realizes how much more intimate this is than he expected.
“I… I’ll just start. Let me know if there's any pain.”
Jenny’s eyes open again as he makes contact, a soft hiss coming from her lips.
“I… I’m sorry” No shit there's pain, idiot.
She steels her face and nods for him to keep going, and they settle back into silence. Sitting on top of her toilet, barely able to move, was not how Jenny thought she was going to end this evening. Well, the not-being-able-to-move part maybe. But instead, she is beaten, bruised, and at least a little traumatized. Rather than feeling the remnants of the twisted monster that was inside her, she tries to focus on Rupert’s hands on her skin, gingerly and lovingly taking care of her. His fingers move carefully, pressing only as much as needed.
She has, on several occasions, stared a bit too intensely at his hands. Jenny has noticed how much she can see just from watching them, even when his face is unreadable. How fast he flips through page after page of research books, how dangerous the current Big Bad is, or how long they’ve been endlessly researching without getting anywhere. At the beginning of their courtship, it was almost embarrassing how concerned he was about seeming improper. Whenever she was nearby, his hands quickly went right into the safety of his pockets. She couldn’t tell if it was a nervous habit or a show of respect bordering on prudishness. As endearing as it is, it's been several weeks now, and she is still the one initiating most of the physical contact between them. Until today.
Giles slowly guides her arm as he finally finishes. The slow long strokes start to relax the twisted tension in her body. As he reaches the end of her fingers, he slows down, reticent to break this new intimacy. He lays her hands down but doesn’t let them go, softly stroking her palm with his thumb. Jenny can feel that warmth in her chest bubble up again, a feeling she had almost forgotten. It has been so long since someone has touched her like this, so caring, so gentle. The guarded hesitation was gone and, in that space, for that moment, the silence becomes something different. They become something different. A glimpse of what they could be, maybe, if that future comes.
“I’m so sorry.” Giles says softly, breaking the silence. Jenny looks up from their intertwined fingers to see his head still down. He is tracing the tips of her fingers, memorizing every line. He spoke barely more than a whisper but it was enough. It came out involuntarily. He didn’t expect her to respond, he didn’t even mean to say it. The words came out because they were true. But still, they shouldn’t have, not right now. What she wants is safety not apologies. He wills himself to let go and stand up, still avoiding her gaze.
“Let's...um...let's get you to bed.”
“I think I can walk a bit better now.”
Jenny is not entirely sure what just happened, but she decided that was for her future self to deal with. She lifts herself, standing, using the sink to lean on. She starts to limp her way to the door. She's determined to make it mostly on her own. But she still reaches out for a single hand. She leads him to the side of her bed, allowing him to help her delicately lower herself to sit. There is an uncomfortable question hanging in the air. He doesn’t exactly feel happy leaving her alone, but she is home now and safe. He needs to go talk to Buffy, find out how they got rid of Eyghon and be confident that its truly for good. Until then, it still might not be safe to be around him.
“I really sh…should check on the kids.”
There is a beat of silence and he isn’t sure Jenny heard him. But then she reaches out to grip his shirt, trying to express what she doesn’t know how.
“I know.”
But she doesn’t let go.
By tomorrow she’ll come to her senses and be furious at him. Mad as all hell, happy to make perfectly clear her opinion of his idiotic behavior. But that doesn’t mean she wants him to leave now. This is a new experience for her. She closes her eyes. After everything they’ve been through it's this that makes her feel the most vulnerable, exposing something she might not be willing to admit: that even after such a colossal fuckup - something that would normally cause her to walk away and not even look back - she still wants him there. And not just because she is worried about being alone. Shit, that concussion really has fucked with my brain!
Giles waits patiently, Jenny's opening and closing several times as she finds the right words. I don’t know if I can forgive you, but don’t leave me. You made a mistake, but I understand more than you know. You lied to me, but I’ve lied to you. Just……stay.
“Please,” she finally lets out. “Just for a little longer.”
He is honestly taken aback, immediately forgetting his worries about Eyghon, completely unwilling to say no to Jenny’s request.
“Of…..of course”.
|Cautious, careful of her wounds, he helps her into bed. He sits hesitantly on the edge in her place. Jenny lets herself fall into the soft pillows that have been her goal for the last hour, feeling like she can breathe properly again. She knows it will hurt but she reaches out to stretch as much as her body will let her, a daily ritual after an exhausting day. She feels her fingertips barely brushing into Rupert who is still a good three feet away. She rolls her eyes at his puritanically sensibilities.
“Oh, for heavens sake Rupert, don’t be so stupid.”
She tugs again at his shirt, pulling him down next to her. He kicks off his shoes but doesn’t go under the covers. There isn’t much room to lie down without touching her, so he perches on the edge the best he can. That quickly doesn’t matter as Jenny immediately turns to nestle into his chest, his arms coming up to land softly in her hair.
Their intimate encounters have progressed at what seems to him to be a reasonable pace. At the football game they sat quite close together. There was arm touching and close whispers. Parent-teacher night had stress, violence, the threat of death, but also hand-holding and a quick but very pleasant kiss. Since then there have been quite a few kisses, and he even put his arm around her as she snuggled up to him at the otherwise-horrible monster truck rally. Cuddling in bed, even dressed, feels like a bit of a jump. But once they settle in, he can finally feel her muscles begin to relax. How easily they fit together. Her breathing slows down as she gives a soft sigh, letting herself sink into the comfort of this moment, her exhaustion pulling her into unconsciousness.
Only now, lying down with Jenny’s warm weight curled into his side, knowing she is safe and, more importantly, asleep, does Giles allow himself to breakdown. His tears are silent as they stream down his face. Only one hour ago he was sure this night was going to end only one way: he was going to have to watch as his slayer kills the woman he loves, as he kills her. He didn’t even know how the children managed it. How they were capable of thwarting a thousand-year-old demon and save the day, a feat even he was never able to manage. The tears slow, and it hits him how exhausted he is. But he revels in this moment of closeness, knowing how hard it will be to tear himself away.
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“Meow”
Giles is startled out of his contentment to see a tabby cat sitting in the doorway, eyes unblinking. He sits up and wipes his face on his sleeve.
“Hello. Can I help you?”
“MEEOOOWW”.
Giles tries his best to be cordial. “I don’t know what that means.”
“MEEEEEOOOOOWW”
“D…do you want something? What do cats need? Food? I’m guessing food, yes?” he asks the cat. The cat just stares and repeats itself louder.
“MEEEEEEEOOWWWWWW”
Jenny stirs next to him and it's clear if he wants her to rest, he must escort this animal to whatever it needs. With a soft kiss on the top of Jenny’s head, he shifts her off him slowly and carefully. Once he is out of the bed and Jenny is still thoroughly asleep, he turns around expectantly at the cat. As if on queue, it turns and leads the way.
Now that the commotion has ended, he is finally able to get a good look at her apartment. It's much more colorful than he would have expected. The furniture is rather plain, but there is an abundance of bright colors poking through. Some beautiful and others...well, the word that comes to mind is tacky. Nothing looks the same yet it somehow goes together. It is cohesive in its eclecticism. Quite a few ornate embroidered pieces of cloth hang around the room, handmade trinkets from what he can only imagine are worldly travels, little hints of the arcane with crystals and charms. But along with the familiar he sees a strange plastic car replica of the (he squints closer) Mystery Machine, whatever that is? And a poster for some band call New Order, whoever THAT is? That’s not to ignore the countless dirty dishes he sees covering any empty surface. Finally, something that seems unabashedly Jenny.
Following the cat, he passes the kitchen table. It is cluttered with what is obviously her occult collection. A huge animal skull sits like a center piece, surrounded by various other bones. Numerous metal talismans lie around with an iconography Giles embarrassingly can’t identify. On one end there is a small pile of old books, though they still look in rather good condition. He can’t see much but can make out a few titles, Transmutation Potions and Protective Spells and Enchantments.
“Don’t have that kind of power, huh? Jenny, you played it coy,” he said with a small laugh.
The other end of the table is filled up with quite a large tarot card spread. Twenty-one cards in three rows. It’s an intriguing pattern he is not familiar with. He tries to read them but can’t. The words look like some form of Cyrillic, although he's confident it's not Russian. Still, he appreciates the hand-painted artwork. “I wonder if the cards saw tonight in your future?” Giles asks to no one, the frown returning to his face.
“Meow!!” Giles stops looking as the cat reminds him of his previous task. “Ah yes, I apologize”. It was rather easy scavenger hunt. The cat did want food and led him quickly to where it was kept. Giles did his best to guess a reasonable portion knowing exactly nothing about cats. He added a bit more in hopes it would give Jenny some more time to rest. After rummaging in the cabinet for a moment he also finds a glass and fills it with water. Walking back into the bedroom, he puts it down carefully and silently on the bedside. Jenny looks more peaceful now, face soft and relaxed. But the bruises have only become more prominent, blossoming down her arms and across her chest. He knows she is going to feel worse in the morning.
She made it out alive, she made it out alive, he keeps trying to tell himself. But was that really it? There is a deep fear pulling at his mind. He was lulled into in a false sense of security before. Is his arrogance just repeating itself? The fear that her pleading voice made him forget has come back. He must go check with the children that the threat is truly gone. That is it said a small voice in his head. Leave her, and take the threat of death with you.
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Jenny can feel Rupert's arms wrapped around her, hands warm and strong on her bare back. Her mouth on his, slow melting kisses. It is so different from the timid kisses they have shared. They are wrapped together, legs entwined, lost in each other’s touch. Jenny is in bliss; she can't remember a moment so perfect. She pulls away to look at Rupert’s eyes, his beautiful eyes. All of his tenderness and care and love for her is just pouring out of his face. “God, I love you” he growls softly and pulls her into another kiss. This one is stronger and more heated. It makes her whole body tingle. She pulls back with an unabashed smile, her eyes beaming. She leans into him, putting her forehead on his and just breathing in. She wishes she could stay in this moment forever. “I don’t ever want to leave this bed.” But then she feels his body shift.
“Oh, don’t worry” his voice getting even deeper and his arms uncomfortably tight. She opens her eyes to see that horrible demonic face. It was her Rupert but grotesquely mutated. Sores oozing down his face and the soul-piercing, glowing eyes, his voice distorted and echoing. She tried to pull away, struggle out of his grip, but she can feel his sharp claws digging in deeper, piercing through her skin. “I’ll never let you go”.
Jenny jolts awake. Her body is drenched with sweat and she feels her heart beating out of her chest. She wouldn’t have thought it was possible but she is somehow more exhausted. Every inch of her is sore. She could not have been asleep more than a few hours, seeing the sun only just beginning to light up the sky.
She closes her eyes tight again, trying to will away the image in her mind. She knows she shouldn’t - even surprises herself for a moment - but she hopes that maybe he stayed. Hopes that he’s in the next room making breakfast, certain to come back at any moment with an unnecessary amount of food and an apologetic smile. A different version of the universe where all she has to do is call out for him and he'll be there. But even without turning around she can feel the cold bed beside her and the dead quiet apartment. She’s lived on her own enough to know the difference. Unlike her past of short-lived affairs, she is disappointed. Empty at the thought of just her, alone, again…….. But a voice in her head puts a swift stop to such nonsense.
“You can’t get too attached to things in life, Janna,”
Enyos looks over at his heartbroken niece, tears at the corners of her eyes. She knows well enough not to let them start to fall, to not give into loss. He places a hand on her slumped shoulder. A small attempt at comfort. “Nothing last forever, nothing except family.”
“I know… I know” she replies with a small voice that matches how she feels as she watches them drive away from the dingy one-bedroom apartment she dared to call home for the past 4 years. Las Vegas isn’t the best city. Honestly, it's an awful city. A physical embodiment of American overabundance and degradation. But it has been home to her, at least for a little while.
“It's hard to realize the world for what it is. Shifting, chaotic, uncontrollable. We simply have to do as it commands. It takes what it wants, and gives back very little. Especially in this country, if we sit down, we can get trapped. Angelus moves, so we move."
He could see this did little to comfort the poor girl, it is a lesson she is still trying hard not to learn. He reaches over and lays a hand on her shoulder
"Janna you don't understand me.“ She turns to look at him: “This makes you stronger.”
He softly squeezes before letting go. “Look at these people,” motioning to the bustling street around them. “You think they know how truly cruel the world is. They couldn't survive even one card of their flimsily arranged lives blowing down. They believe, in arrogance. that the world will work in their favor, that they deserve what others don’t have, that their way is the right and moral one”
Janna looks at all the fancy business people going about their day. All lost in their own little world so they don’t have to deal with this one.
“This country is their world, not ours. I’ve seen what they are willing to do to their fellow humans. They would turn against brother, against friend, just to get ahead. Hurt and blame anyone they can for their problems. They have created this place to be unforgiving. With no one to help you, no loyalty no honor. Trust me little one, that is not the world you want to live in. But you will not fall into their trap. You will be smarter. Trust me, its best not to get too attached to these people, It will only end in pain”.
“I know, Uncle” …“I know.”
Her memory echoes into the still and empty room, her voice just as soft and small as it had been that day. Like she could forget. Jenny shoves down her disappointment and the ever-present anxiety, and turns over to sink back into her uneasy nightmares.