Chapter Text
"I truly wonder what it means to love." Cara whispered under the moonlight.
"I would be the last person to know." She answered. "I am not good with my "feelings"."
The word seemed foreign on her lips.
"Feelings"
Cara felt a lot. She hated herself for that. She loved a lot, she hated a lot. Sometimes she liked it.
She liked to love her favorite book. She liked it when she spent hours blabbering about her favorite books. It could be fun and people thought she was passionate when she did that.
They also thought it was strange when she just stopped talking about it after a few months. They would ask her in the hallway,
"Hey, Cara! You still crazy about that book of yours?"
She would laugh or just smile back or just act like she didn't hear them.
Because no.
She wasn't. Not anymore.
It felt strange to say that.
It was really weird. She was smart, popular and well-loved yet somehow she felt like she never belonged.
Y'know?
Like
She didn't belong. She felt alienated from the universe. But she mustn't complain. After all, there are other people who have had it way harder.
Just look at Elisa.
Right, Elisa.
She had completely forgotten about Elisa sitting next to her. She turned to face her, her melancholic face illuminated gently by the sunlight.
It felt weird, honestly. She had never seen Elisa like this. She had never seen her sad.
She had seen her disappointed, angry, frustrated and annoyed (mostly at Lucas) but never sad. It felt strange.
Cara felt a lot of emotions. Yet, weirdly enough she couldn't feel powerful emotions for other people. It was really weird.
She has felt a lot of emotions the "idea" of people in her life. Y'know? Like the idea of a beloved friend.
But she couldn't feel powerful enough emotions for any person who could fit that role. She would delude herself into liking people so that they would fit that role but delusion can't become reality.
Yet she felt, a lot.
Right now she felt for Elisa. So she did what she had to do. She wrapped her arms around Elisa.
Elisa didn't move. She accepted it.
Cara didn't know her role in the world. She doesn't know why she was born. She knew she was important in some weird way but she didn't know why. She apparently had a very important role to fill.
She expected an answer to reveal itself to her when she learnt the so called truth that Elisa was keeping from her. However, Cara never thought about what would happen if she didn't want to fulfill the role that was meant for her.
But recently she did and honestly? She doesn't want to fill a role that someone else created for her. A hole that was dug up by someone for Cara.
But she didn't want to jump into that hole. Instead she wanted to dig her own hole and then jump into it. A hole only meant for her.
(She groaned audibly when she realized the implication of her words and Elisa tilted her head in confusion.)
She would create her own place in the world. She would give the "destined role" a chance too but deep inside Cara knew she couldn't fill that role.
Destiny can suck her dick though. She would create her own identity, her own place.