Archive of Our Own ^beta

thanks to @twomblying and @av_ooooooo for beta'ing! <3
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fic playlist here!

Namjoon feels nervous and prickly as he walks along the city streets. Hoseok had texted him to meet at our usual spot. It feels weird to Namjoon to have a usual spot, considering he hasn’t been home in forever. Seoul fits itself around Namjoon like an old, worn jacket, slightly frayed around the stitching. One that’s been in the back of his closet for the last five years.

The restaurant – their usual spot – sits humbly on a bustling street littered with bars and neon signs. It’s the kind of place that isn’t easily noticeable. Namjoon ducks under the sun-bleached awning to check his phone. Hoseok has sent at least a dozen texts in the twenty minutes that Namjoon has spent walking to the restaurant. 

Be there in a minute! Namjoon texts quickly.

So excited omgdjfksdljrdakfd!!!!! He receives in response.

Namjoon leans on the outer wall of the building and breathes. Five years. It’s been five years since he’s seen Hoseok, his best friend, in person. He thinks back to the last night they spent together and nerves bubble up from the pit of his stomach. Namjoon exhales deeply before pushing the door open and entering the restaurant.

It’s crowded and loud, not an empty table or booth in sight. Everything looks exactly the same as the last time Namjoon had eaten here. Faded yellow tile flooring covered in black scuff marks, duct tape plastered over tears in the vinyl booths, a large, laminated menu permanently fixed to the wall. Namjoon looks around at the tables, trying to spot Hoseok.

Namjoon hears a high pitched squealing over the noise of the restaurant and turns his head toward the sound. He sees Hoseok waving furiously as he weaves through tables. Hoseok looks like he's buzzing as he approaches.

"Joonie! Joonie Joonie Joonie," Hoseok shouts in a sing-song voice.

Namjoon breaks into a smile. “Hi, Hoseok-ah.”

Hoseok swoops in and wraps his arms tightly around Namjoon's middle. He buries his head against Namjoon's chest and exhales with a groan. Namjoon gets a whiff of his shampoo and he smells warm and bright like sun-drenched skin and vanilla. Hoseok squeezes tightly before pulling back. He looks curiously at Namjoon and uses both hands to squeeze his bicep. 

"Oh my god, your arms are huge. When did you get so built?" Hoseok asks.

Namjoon can feel himself blushing. "I started doing pilates."

"Pilates? Wow! You look good."

Namjoon studies Hoseok for a moment. He looks just as Namjoon remembers him—heart shaped smile, eyes squeezed tight when he laughs. 

Hoseok hooks his arm around Namjoon's and pulls him through the restaurant. "Come on. Let's go eat. I have a surprise for you at the table." 

He navigates between the crowded tables with ease. Namjoon does not, he bumps into at least three strangers and apologizes profusely as his face reddens.

"I am so excited for you to see the surprise!"

"You didn't have to get me anything, Hoseok-ah." 

As they approach the table, Namjoon realizes that it's not a gift Hoseok has surprised him with.

It's a person.

A very attractive person. He's fair-skinned with blonde hair and silver hoop earrings. Namjoon can see a smudge of smoky eyeshadow swept across his eyelids. The stranger is leaning back in the booth, eyes fixed on his phone. He looks up when Hoseok calls out to him.

"Yoongi-hyung, he's here!"

Yoongi looks up at Namjoon and smiles softly. He slides out of the booth and Namjoon notices that Yoongi is short, shorter than Hoseok, but he stands like he’s six feet tall.

He bows slightly. "Hi, I'm Min Yoongi."

Namjoon bows in return, trying to disguise the confused look on his face. "Nice to meet you. I'm Kim Namjoon."

"Hoseok has told me all about you. It's nice to finally put a face to the name."

Namjoon looks at Hoseok with his eyebrow cocked. Min Yoongi . Hoseok beams at Namjoon then slides into the booth, Yoongi sliding in next to him. Hoseok leans his head on Yoongi's shoulder and discreetly kisses his neck. 

"Come on Joonie, join us!" Hoseok says. "I already ordered. I just got a little of everything."

Namjoon nods and slides into the opposite side of the booth. "So this is the..."

"Surprise!" Hoseok smiles. "I brought my boyfriend!"

Namjoon’s eyes go wide. 

"I hope you don't mind. I was just so excited to have you back in Seoul and I thought this would be the perfect chance to introduce you two.” Hoseok says.

Namjoon gestures with his hands. "No, no, of course it's okay. It's really great to meet you, Yoongi-ssi."

Yoongi gives him a small wave. "You too. You can call me hyung."

"God, I still can't believe you're back. It's been forever!" Hoseok says, beaming as he looks from Yoongi to Namjoon.

"Five years, yeah,” Namjoon responds.

"You were living in Austria?" Yoongi sits up in his seat and puts his shoulders back.

"I was in Vienna for the first four years for university. I spent the last year backpacking through Europe." 

"Wow, that must have been incredible." 

"It was a lot of fun, but I’m happy to be home.” 

Hoseok tuts, “Aww, Joonie! Me too, I missed you.” 

At that moment the server brings their food — fried chicken, rice and japchae. The table is covered with dishes of banchan and Yoongi orders beer for the table. 

Hoseok bites into his chicken and talks around a mouthful of food. “Oh my god, you haven’t had Korean food in five years, have you?” 

Namjoon picks at his japchae. “There was one Korean market in Vienna. I’d take an hour bus ride just so I could buy their instant ramyeon.”

“I’d probably do the same thing,” Yoongi shrugs. 

“Whenever I came in, the owner, Mr. Nam would always send me home with his wife’s cucumber kimchi,” Namjoon says with a small chuckle.

“That’s so cute,” Hoseok laughs. 

Yoongi raises his glass. “To Mr. Nam.”

Namjoon watches Yoongi smile and something low in his stomach flutters. Yoongi looks so bright when he laughs, his pink gums peeking out above his teeth. Hoseok leans into Yoongi and laughs too and they look so happy together and Namjoon is so happy for Hoseok, finding someone like Yoongi. 

Namjoon also can’t help but focus on the fact that Yoongi is beautiful. Very beautiful. His voice is deep and thick like amber resin. His laugh is quiet but forceful and his shoulders shake whenever Hoseok cracks a joke, like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard. And Yoongi seems very sure of himself, like he knows exactly who he is.

No wonder he had attracted someone like Hoseok.

As dinner winds down, Namjoon feels full and tipsy. He notices that Hoseok’s cheeks are flushed. They make small talk and laugh and drink and it’s relieving that Namjoon and Hoseok still fit so well together. Namjoon had been nervous that their friendship would change when he left for Europe, even though Hoseok had made sure to keep in touch. It feels like they’ve picked up right where they left off. Well, almost.

Namjoon is relieved that he fits well with Yoongi, too.

“So, I do have an actual surprise for you,” Hoseok says with a grin.

Namjoon shifts in his seat. “What is it?”

“Well, Yoongi-hyung’s uncle has a cabin in the Sobaek Mountains and we’re going there for a week.”

“Oh, that sounds awesome,” Namjoon responds, “but what does that have to do with me?”

“Come with us,” Hoseok says.

“What?” Namjoon asks, surprised.

“Come with us!” Hoseok repeats, a bit louder this time.

“I—are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure. I’ve been planning this for a while. I thought it’d be fun for us to all go together.” Hoseok drums his fingertips on the table. 

“He really has been planning this,” Yoongi says. “It's all he’s been talking about for the last month.”

“Hyung!” Hoseok nudges Yoongi’s shoulder with a pout on his face.

“What? It’s true,” Yoongi says with wide eyes.

“You’re making me sound deranged!” 

“You are deranged,” Yoongi says as he lets out a laugh. 

Namjoon rests his elbows on the table to catch Hoseok’s attention. “When do we leave?” 

Hoseok perks up and his eyes are sparkling. “You’re serious? You’ll come with us?”

Namjoon smiles softly and nods. “I can’t turn down a trip with my best friend.”

/

The sun is barely rising over the mountain ridge as the SUV drives down the expressway. The sky is overcast with muted grey and blue clouds and a tinge of pink peeks through as day begins to break. Namjoon leans his head against the window and tries to keep his eyes open, but Yoongi has a lo-fi playlist pouring in through the speakers and it's lulling Namjoon to sleep. Hoseok is in the passenger seat, humming with excitement as they make their way toward the mountains. 

The roads begin to steepen as they get further into the countryside. They had turned off of the expressway a few kilometers back and are now winding down a nameless road, the SUV's engine roaring as they climb in altitude. Namjoon can feel his ears pop when he yawns. The road they’re driving down is narrow with dips and bumps and hairpin turns. Everything is surrounded by lush, green foliage and towering trees.

Yoongi drives for another thirty minutes before they reach a small clearing with the cabin and Namjoon thinks that it looks like something out of a storybook. The cabin is western-style, much to his surprise. The gable roof has a steep pitch and the front of the cabin has exposed wooden siding and ornate decorations. He can see a stone chimney precariously stacked on top of the house. There are lush botanicals and plants surrounding the large koi pond in the front yard. Namjoon isn’t even sure they’re still in Korea. When Namjoon says that the cabin is beautiful, Yoongi explains that his uncle is a contractor and designed and built it himself. 

The sun has risen now, painting the trees in streaks of gold. The sunlight reflects off of the pond in delicate ripples. Namjoon gets out of the car and surveys the yard. He notices a wooden bridge that leads over the water onto a small island in the center of the pond. A large, gnarled willow tree is grounded on the island, its branches draped so low they touch the grass beneath it. Namjoon can see orange and white blooming in the water as the koi fish breach the surface.

"It's nice, isn't it?" Yoongi asks as he grabs his luggage from the trunk.

Namjoon walks toward the bridge and sighs. "I feel like I'm in a Ghibli movie.”

There's a trellis covered in flowering vines on the opposite side of the bridge leading onto the island. When Namjoon gets across, he can barely see Yoongi and Hoseok through the greenery surrounding the pond. He notices a bench swing and an old patio set.

Hoseok's voice carries through the yard. "Joon-ah, can you hear me?" 

"Yeah, I'm by the pond!” 

Namjoon hears footsteps on the bridge and turns to see Hoseok smiling.

"You look like you belong here," Hoseok says.

Namjoon exhales and looks up at the trees around them. "I feel like I belong here. Hoseok, this place is incredible.” 

"I'm sure it's nothing like backpacking through Europe."

Namjoon thinks back to his time in Europe and how even though the views were amazing, he missed being home in Korea. He thinks about the aching feeling in his chest, the one that began twinging when he got on the plane to Austria. The one that had constantly reminded him that he was thousands of miles away on his own. 

He looks back to Hoseok and flashes a dimpled smile. "It's better than Europe."

"No way," Hoseok says as he shakes his head.

"I'm here with you. It's automatically better."

Hoseok tuts, "Stop that."

Namjoon beams, his dimples deepen as he laughs.

/

The interior of the cabin is warm and homey. The kitchen is small with a large window above the sink and live edge open shelving. The shelves have mismatched bowls, mugs, and plates stacked precariously on them. The cabin is full of natural light. Namjoon's room is small but the bed is big and cozy with a rumpled white down comforter. There are plants in almost every inch of the space.

When they get settled in, Yoongi makes breakfast – grilled pork belly with fluffy rice and runny eggs. The three of them eat under the pergola in the backyard and drink french press coffee. The mountain air smells sweet like honeysuckle. Hoseok laughs so loud that his voice echoes over the mountains.

They spend the rest of their first day at the cabin relaxing. Namjoon takes a blanket out to the pond and lounges against the trunk of the willow tree with a book. He reads for an hour and dozes off in the mid-morning heat. He wakes up and sees Yoongi reading on the bench swing and it turns out they're reading the same book. Yoongi joins him beneath the willow tree and they end up discussing the novel at length. Namjoon can't help but notice that Yoongi’s shampoo smells like citrus.

In the afternoon, Yoongi invites Hoseok and Namjoon to feed the koi. They float thin slices of watermelon in the pond and watch as the fish come to the surface to take small nibbles. Yoongi gives Namjoon a handful of dried mealworms and tells him to put his hand on the surface of the water. A black and orange spotted koi lightly nibbles on his fingers and lets him pat its head while it eats. Hoseok takes at least a hundred pictures on his phone.

There’s a moment when Hoseok knocks Namjoon onto his ass. He’s standing next to Namjoon, leaning in close, as he swipes through his phone to look at the images of them feeding the fish. Hoseok’s smile is so big and he throws his head back while he laughs, causing him to lose his balance and fall. He pulls Namjoon down with him and the breath leaves Namjoon’s lungs as his back hits the grass with a thud. They lay there for a while, laughing and talking and watching the clouds roll by. Hoseok spots a duck-shaped cloud and snaps a picture of it. Before it crosses over the treeline, Namjoon watches it melt into the shape of a heart. 

On the first day at the cabin, Namjoon studies how Yoongi and Hoseok interact. There’s something strangely domestic about the way they talk to each other, the way they unpack their suitcases together and the way they maneuver around each other in the kitchen to make tea. Hoseok speaks quietly when Yoongi does, Yoongi hollers when Hoseok is practically screeching. Namjoon watches how they take up space beside each other, how they lace their hands together when they think he isn’t looking. 

He thinks about Hoseok in high school, how he had never had a significant other for more than a week at a time. Hoseok had cycled through boyfriends and girlfriends like fashion trends, saying that life was too short to be monogamous. Namjoon wonders how long ago that changed. By the way Hoseok and Yoongi act together, it seems like they’ve been together for a lifetime. 

When dusk settles over the mountain, Yoongi lights the fire pit in the backyard, stoking it with the seasoned firewood that his uncle keeps near the storage shed. They gather around the fire and drink beer under the stars. Hoseok bundles up under a blanket and insists they make s'mores like the Americans do on TV. He also admits he had spent 50,000 won to have graham crackers and marshmallows shipped internationally and Yoongi shakes his head in disbelief. The three of them eat half a dozen s'mores each.

They stay up until after midnight, until the fire is reduced to smoldering ash, until the late night air starts to feel cold and damp. Namjoon feels drunk and happy and delirious. He stumbles into the cabin and falls into bed, the blanket surrounding him with warmth. Hoseok pops in to say good night and Namjoon pulls him into a tight hug before drifting off to sleep.

/



That first night, Namjoon dreams about Yoongi.

Everything around him feels fuzzy, the way darkness does in the middle of the night. He breathes in deep and smells something bright like citrus. He reaches out and feels someone next to him in bed.

Namjoon’s voice cuts through the silence. "Yoongi-hyung?" 

"Hm?"

"What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you," Yoongi says quietly.

"What?"

"Can I kiss you?"

Namjoon doesn't answer, just leans forward and catches his lips on Yoongi's. Their lips press together softly and Namjoon loses the breath in his lungs. Yoongi parts his lips and sighs quietly into Namjoon’s mouth. He tastes like wheat and honey. 

Yoongi pulls back, lips parted as he breathes heavily. "Let’s tell Hoseok.”

"Tell me what?" Hoseok asks. 

Namjoon looks over and sees Hoseok's figure in the doorway.

When Namjoon wakes, his chest is heaving. He presses one palm into the mattress, the other into his chest over his heart to ground himself. He turns on the lamp on his nightstand, flooding the room with soft light. Namjoon presses the heels of his hands into his eyes and gets up to use the bathroom. He tiptoes so he doesn't wake Hoseok and Yoongi.

In the bathroom, Namjoon splashes his face with cold water and drinks from the tap. He looks over his face in the mirror and wonders why the fuck he dreamt about kissing Yoongi. He must’ve had too much to drink.

Back in his room, Namjoon lies awake for a while, his eyes heavy with sleep. He replays the dream, the kiss, and wonders if that’s what kissing Min Yoongi is really like. 

Wonders what Hoseok looks like kissing Min Yoongi, too.

/

Namjoon wakes up groggy the next morning, eyes puffy and throat sore from drinking. His room is bright with natural light filtering in through the window. He can’t bring himself to shower just yet so he pulls on some soft sweatpants and pads out into the living area. It’s close to noon.

Namjoon sees Yoongi standing at the kitchen sink with his back toward him, humming a familiar melody as he works.

“Morning,” Namjoon says, voice thick with sleep. His throat feels like it’s on fire.

Yoongi looks over his shoulder and Namjoon catches a glimpse of his bare face. His eyes look a little puffy too.

Yoongi gestures to the thermos on the counter. “Hey, good morning. There’s coffee.”

Namjoon grabs a mug. “What are you doing?”

“Hoseok picked a bunch of wildflowers on his walk this morning.” Yoongi snips a handful of flower stems. “Just putting them in a vase.”

“They’re pretty.”

Yoongi hums in response as he cuts the last few stems. He takes his time arranging the flowers, adding greenery to fill in the gaps. The bouquet is bursting with pink, yellow, and white wildflowers. Namjoon leans against the kitchen counter and sips his coffee, watches Yoongi work in silence. Namjoon studies the slope of Yoongi’s nose, notices how Yoongi’s bare skin is flushed and dewy in the mid-morning light. 

“Where is Hoseok?” Namjoon asks.

“He went into town to pick up a few extra things,” Yoongi responds. “We might get a storm this week, just want to be prepared.”

Namjoon responds with a hum. 

“Are you hungry? We have leftover rice and kimchi.”

“I can heat something up.”

Yoongi shakes his head. “Go shower. I’ll have food ready when you’re out.”

Before Namjoon can protest, Yoongi grabs the carton of eggs out of the fridge. Namjoon heads back to his room to get a change of clothes before showering.

The hot water streams from the showerhead directly onto the back of Namjoon’s neck. He works shampoo through his hair and rests his hands on the shower wall, letting the water massage his muscles until it runs cold. He towels off and puts on a loose tank top and shorts.  

When Namjoon enters the kitchen again, Yoongi is standing at the stove. He’s putting a spoonful of minced ginger into a pan of rice. He adds garlic and chopped kimchi next and mixes everything in the pan together.

“What are you making?” Namjoon asks.

“Kimchi fried rice.”

“It smells amazing.”

“Wanna slice some green onions for me?”

“Oh, um, I’m not usually allowed around knives.”

Yoongi turns and cocks his head.

“I’m uh, accident-prone.”

Yoongi laughs quietly. “C’mere, I’ll teach you how to use a knife.”

Namjoon crosses the kitchen and stands awkwardly, waiting for Yoongi to finish frying the rice.

“Okay, grab your knife,” Yoongi points to the chef’s knife on the cutting board. “You want to hold the handle with your middle, ring, and pinky fingers. Then you’ll hold the base of the blade with your thumb and index finger.”

Namjoon grabs the knife and fumbles with it, trying to get the grip right. Yoongi reaches over and positions Namjoon’s hand with his own.

“Like this,” Yoongi says. “Now when you're slicing, keep the tip of the knife on the cutting board and gently rock the blade back and forth.” 

Yoongi presses into Namjoon’s side to watch him. Namjoon lines up his knife and slowly works it back and forth over the green onions.

“Good, now keep the fingers on your other hand tucked under so you don’t knick yourself.” 

Namjoon tries to curl his fingers but Yoongi stops him. 

“Here, stand behind me,” Yoongi says.

“What?”

“So I can position your hands correctly. You’re taller than me, it’ll be easier to show you this way.”

Namjoon shifts so Yoongi is standing in front of him against the counter. Namjoon presses his chest against his back and hopes that Yoongi can’t feel his heart pounding through his shirt. Yoongi grabs Namjoon’s arms and wraps them around his own before fitting his hand over Namjoon’s on the knife handle.

“Okay, grab the knife again. Then you take your left hand and tuck your fingers under.” Yoongi fits his left hand over Namjoon’s and curls their fingers together. 

“Feels weird,” Namjoon says quietly. 

This entire encounter is weird. Their hands move together as Namjoon slices green onions. Namjoon is pressed against Hoseok’s boyfriend as if it’s not a big deal. Namjoon’s face is practically buried into the back of Yoongi’s hair.

“Yeah, proper knife technique takes some getting used to,” Yoongi says. “You’re doing great though.”

Namjoon hears the door open, hears Hoseok shouting about the groceries, and jumps back. He feels a sharp pain on his left index finger and looks down to see blood. 

Yoongi quickly wraps Namjoon’s finger in a kitchen towel.  “Shit, you really are accident-prone.”

Hoseok drops the grocery bags on the floor. “What happened?” 

“Occupational hazard.” Namjoon holds up his hand and grins sheepishly. 

“Baby, can you go get the first aid kit?” Yoongi asks Hoseok. 

Hoseok nods before heading to the bathroom. When he returns, he takes Namjoon’s hand into his own. Namjoon watches carefully as he cleans the cut with peroxide. It stings like hell. 

Once Namjoon is bandaged up, the three of them put the groceries away and eat lunch at the small kitchen table. Namjoon offers to do the dishes while Yoongi and Hoseok relax in the hammock in the backyard. He watches them swing lazily together through the window above the sink. The cut on his finger throbs under the dish glove as he cleans and the vase of wildflowers on the counter looks brighter than before.



/

Yoongi says a storm is definitely coming. 

It’s their fourth day at the cabin. Namjoon had felt the shift in temperature this morning, the air is colder and thinner than it has been the last few days.

Hoseok's eyes bulge from beneath the brim of his bucket hat. “Should we stay here?” 

“No, it’s not supposed to start until later,” Yoongi responds.

They’re heading to Jirisan National Park for a picnic. Yoongi had gotten up early to roll gimbap and make sandwiches for the three of them. Now he’s mixing potato salad while Hoseok cuts honeydew and packs it into a plastic container.

“Anything I can do?” Namjoon asks. 

He feels a little useless after the knife incident. Hoseok had banned Namjoon from the kitchen except to do the dishes. 

“I have a couple picnic blankets in the bedroom, could you put them in the car?” Yoongi asks.

Namjoon nods and heads to Yoongi and Hoseok’s room. When he walks in, the entire room smells like citrus and vanilla and something warm and clean. The curtains are open and sunlight pours onto the rumpled white comforter. The picnic blankets are folded neatly at the foot of the bed. Namjoon picks them up and holds them tightly to his chest. 

Hoseok’s clothes are hung neatly on the rack near the bed, his suitcase must be tucked away in the closet. Yoongi’s suitcase is open on the floor, clothing spilling out of it as if it had burst. Namjoon notices Yoongi’s book on the bed and wonders if he likes to read before he goes to sleep. Namjoon thinks about him falling asleep, curled up on his side with his arm around Hoseok, his face buried into Hoseok’s chest. 

Namjoon moves toward the window and looks out at the trees swaying in the breeze. 

“Hey, did you find the blankets?” Hoseok asks. 

Namjoon jumps. He turns and sees him leaning against the door frame. “Uh, yeah, sorry.”

Hoseok reaches out to grab Namjoon’s arm. “We’re ready to go, come on.”

/

They hike for a while until they reach a small clearing overlooking the mountains. Yoongi and Namjoon spread out the picnic blankets while Hoseok unpacks the cooler. The wind has picked up, carrying a chill in the breeze as the clouds roll overhead. The storm must be getting closer.

Hoseok shrinks down into his windbreaker, his bucket hat pulled down low over his eyes. He leans back against Yoongi’s chest while they eat lunch. Namjoon can’t help but watch as they feed each other bites of melon and gimbap, and can't help but notice Yoongi subtly pressing his lips to Hoseok’s neck when he thinks Namjoon isn’t looking. 

After lunch, Hoseok wanders toward the edge of the overlook to take pictures of the mountains. Namjoon stays behind to clean up, and Yoongi offers to help. It’s awkwardly quiet, neither of them speaking as they pack their empty lunch containers. Yoongi opens his mouth, then closes it, sucks in a breath like he wants to say something.

“Do you have a crush on Hoseok?” Yoongi finally asks.

Namjoon’s eyes go wide and his mouth suddenly feels very dry. “Do I what?”

Yoongi doesn’t look up from his bag, just zips it shut and asks again. “Do you have a crush on Hoseok?”

“No. He’s my best friend.” 

“Okay.”

Namjoon pauses for a moment. “Why are you asking me that?” 

Yoongi’s eyes finally flicker up to meet Namjoon’s. “Hoseok mentioned that you guys had a thing in high school.” 

A thing.

“We didn’t have a thing,” Namjoon responds.

Yoongi glances over and sees Hoseok snapping pictures with his phone in the distance. Yoongi looks back at Namjoon and scratches behind his ear. “He told me you kissed.”

Namjoon thinks back to the night before he left for university. Thinks about how pretty Hoseok had looked beneath the string lights on the rooftop of his parent’s apartment. Namjoon still can’t drink plum soju, not after that night. Not after tasting it on Hoseok’s lips, behind his teeth.

It had been an act of desperation on Namjoon’s part. He was about to leave the country for the foreseeable future. He had been lonely and scared and Hoseok had always been there for him. And maybe Namjoon was in love with him back then. But not anymore.

“Kissing him was a mistake,” Namjoon says flatly. “I was drunk.”

“He made it sound like you two were dating,” Yoongi responds. “Like you both were into each other?”

Namjoon exhales slowly. “No, we definitely were not dating. I kissed him the night before I left for Europe. It was a stupid thing to do and it almost ruined our friendship.”

Namjoon had stopped responding to Hoseok’s texts after he left for Vienna. Hoseok had reached out every single day for a month before Namjoon finally got the courage to reply. 

The worst part about the kiss is that they had never actually talked about it. Hoseok would text Namjoon memes and ask about his classes and act like the kiss never happened. Namjoon had tried to bring it up a couple of times but Hoseok would change the subject, so Namjoon tried to forget about it to respect what he had obviously wanted. All of this to protect their friendship.

He never could let it go, though. Not fully.

But five years away had been enough time for Hoseok to move on. Hoseok has Yoongi now, and Yoongi makes him happy. And Namjoon still has Hoseok in his life, and still loves him as a best friend. 

Still loves him more than he’s loved any other person. 

The realization hits Namjoon as they’re driving back to the cabin, as Hoseok sings along to whatever song is playing through the speakers. Namjoon watches Hoseok thread his fingers with Yoongi’s, and watches him laugh at whatever Yoongi is saying. Namjoon looks at the hair on the back of Hoseok’s neck, where it tapers into a point and disappears beneath the collar of his windbreaker.

Namjoon wants to reach out and touch, wants to ghost his fingertips over the back of his neck and pull him in and taste plum soju all over again. Wants to remember what his lips feel like pressed up against his own.

Namjoon realizes that he’s still in love with his best friend.

/



It starts to rain right when they pull up to the cabin. Hoseok runs inside to shut all the windows, Yoongi goes to the storage shed to grab some emergency supplies.

He speaks to Hoseok softly before heading out the back door with a raincoat. “Just in case, baby.”

It’s late in the afternoon and the skies are charcoal grey. Namjoon can hear thunder rolling in the distance and can see traces of lightning behind the clouds. Once Yoongi comes back inside, the bottom falls out of the sky. Namjoon can barely see the treeline past the sheets of rain.

Hoseok is huddled close to Yoongi, clinging to his arm. “Do you think the power will go out?”

“Probably. We should light a few candles.” Yoongi grabs the barbecue lighter from the emergency supply box and places lit candles around the cabin. 

As Yoongi lights the last candle, everything goes dark. Hoseok shrieks and the sound makes Namjoon jump.

“Seok, lighten up,” Yoongi says.

“How are you going to tell me to lighten up? The power’s out!” 

“We have candles and plenty of water and food. The power will come back on when the storm passes.”

“Well what are we supposed to do until then?” Hoseok asks.

“We could play cards or something,” Namjoon offers.

Yoongi shrugs. “Sure.” He walks to the cabinet and grabs a bottle of soju before offering it to Namjoon. “Might as well get hammered while we wait.”

Once they’re three rounds into Uno, things start getting heated. The first game had started out slow, with the three of them trying to remember all the rules. By the second game, they had been a little more comfortable, a little loose from drinking soju. By the third game, Yoongi’s face is flushed and pink, Hoseok is yelling drink up bitches whenever he puts down a reverse card. 

Namjoon’s having a lot of fun.

Yoongi wins all three rounds and Hoseok is convinced that he’s cheating. He’s shouting at Yoongi from where they sit beside each other at the coffee table.

“No baby, you’re just really bad at card games,” Yoongi says.

Hoseok bursts into laughter. “Fuck you, hyung!” 

Yoongi laughs too and flashes his gummy smile before rolling over onto the floor.

“I’m tired of losing, let’s play something else,” Hoseok says. “Do we have more soju?”

Yoongi nods and stumbles to the kitchen to grab another bottle. 

“What should we play instead?” Namjoon asks.

It’s pitch black outside now, the only light coming from the candles placed around the cabin and the camping lantern on the coffee table.

“Do you remember playing Never Have I Ever?” Hoseok asks.

 Namjoon leans back against the couch. “Oh my god, I haven’t played that since high school.”

Yoongi pours more soju. “Alright, who wants to start?”

“Me me me!” Hoseok squeals. “Okay… um… shit, I can’t think of one.”

Yoongi snorts. “I’ll go. Never have I ever had a hangover.”

Namjoon and Hoseok groan in unison.

“Really hyung?” Namjoon asks. “You don’t get hangovers?”

Yoongi shakes his head, “Nope. The trick is to take four aspirin with a full glass of water before you go to sleep. Also, you two have to drink.”

Namjoon and Hoseok clink their glasses together and take a sip of soju.

“Okay I thought of one,” Hoseok says. “Never have I ever shaved my head.”

Yoongi presses his mouth into a thin line and squints. “Can’t believe you’d use my enlistment against me.”

Hoseok giggles wildly as Yoongi takes a drink.

Namjoon thinks for a moment. “Um, let’s see. Never have I ever driven a car.” 

Yoongi looks at Namjoon suspiciously. “You don’t have your license?”

“I’m from Seoul, hyung. I don’t need it.”

“Touche.” Yoongi takes a sip of soju before speaking again. “Okay, never have I ever not driven a car.”

“What the fuck!” Namjoon laughs. “This is a personal attack.”

“You did this to yourself,” Yoongi says smiling. “Take a drink.”

Namjoon sighs audibly before taking a swig of soju. The alcohol sits heavy in his stomach and everything around him feels warm and stretched out, like it’s all just out of reach.

“Ooh I got one. Never have I ever been born in 1993,” Hoseok says.

“Fucking, what the fuck,” Yoongi whines. “Do you want me to lose on purpose?”

Hoseok scrunches his nose up and laughs again while Yoongi takes another drink. Namjoon can feel the room get weirdly tense as Yoongi stares at Hoseok. 

“Fine, you wanna play dirty?” Yoongi asks. “Never have I ever kissed my best friend.”

The room goes quiet. The only noise Namjoon hears is the rain coming from outside. Hoseok’s mouth is wide open, like he’s trying to find something to say. Yoongi has a smug look on his face.

Namjoon takes a drink and watches Hoseok do the same. Namjoon looks down at the table and waits for someone, anyone to say something. It sure isn’t going to be him. 

“Never have I ever said Namjoon was hot,” Hoseok says. 

Namjoon looks at Hoseok and he’s staring at Yoongi with a smirk on his face. Namjoon’s eyes flicker over to Yoongi and now he’s taking a drink. What the fuck?

“It wasn’t even your turn, Hoseok-ah,” Yoongi responds.

“You said I was hot?” Namjoon asks.

“He said… what was it babe?” Hoseok taps his chin with his finger. “Oh yeah, he said ‘Namjoon is so fucking hot and I want to make out with him.’”

Yoongi chokes on his drink and looks away. “It wasn’t exactly that.”

Hoseok has a shit-eating grin plastered across his face. “I remember word for word, hyung.”

“What are you guys talking about?” Namjoon feels confused and his chest is getting tight. 

“Let’s just keep playing. Namjoon-ah, it’s your turn,” Yoongi says.

“No, what the fuck are you guys talking about? Shit, I think I’m drunk.”

“Hoseok’s just teasing. He’s a brat when he drinks.”

Hoseok laughs. “I’m teasing you for having a crush on my Joonie.”

Namjoon looks at Yoongi. “Hyung, is that true? Why does he keep saying that?”

“Okay fine, I said you were hot.” Yoongi looks at Hoseok. “Hoseok-ah, why don’t you tell Namjoon what you said then?”

Hoseok’s face falters. “That’s okay. We can keep playing the game now.”

“You’re not getting off that easy.” Yoongi turns to look at Namjoon. “Hoseok told me he wishes you were still in love with him.”

“You what?” Namjoon asks. He scratches behind his ear nervously.

Hoseok huffs. “Hyung! Fuck.”

“Hoseok-ah, I’m really confused and I don’t like what’s happening right now. What is going on?”

Hoseok’s shoulders slump. He looks down at his hands, then to Yoongi, then to Namjoon. “We shouldn’t do this now.”

“What is ‘this?’ You two brought it up, it seems like we have to do this now.” Namjoon says. He feels his throat getting hot, feels his skin flushing. “What the fuck are you guys talking about?”

Hoseok looks at Namjoon and exhales. “I’m in love with you.”

“What?”

“I’m in love with you, Namjoon-ah. I have been for a very long time.”

Namjoon hears the words, understands them, but his brain will not allow him to process what Hoseok is saying. 

Hoseok folds his hands into his lap and shrugs his shoulders. “Namjoon, say something.” 

“What do you mean you’re in love with me?” Namjoon asks. His head is pounding. 

“Exactly what it sounds like.”

“But you’re with Yoongi-hyung. You can’t love me.”

Hoseok scoffs. “Says who?”

“I don’t know. I have a headache.”

“I see how you look at him, Namjoon,” Yoongi says.

Namjoon looks at Yoongi. “What?” 

“You look at him like you love him.”

Namjoon bites at the inside of his bottom lip until he tastes blood. “Hoseok-ah, you told Yoongi-hyung you wish I was still in love with you. What did you mean by that?”

Hoseok sighs. “The night before you left, when we kissed? I know it wasn’t because you were drunk.”

“I was though, I—”

“You kissed me because you loved me, right?”

Namjoon pauses for a moment and the memories of that night come flooding back. He looks at Hoseok and nods.

Hoseok sniffles and his eyes look red in the darkness. “For a long time I thought that I was the only one who felt like that and that by kissing you, I had fucked everything up.” 

“This isn’t making any sense. Are you saying—”

“That I was in love with you too? Yeah.”

“But why did you—”

“I didn’t think you felt the same way because you freaked out and literally pushed me away. So I thought it would be better to have you as my best friend than not at all.” 

Hoseok is crying now. Fuck, Hoseok looks so sad when he cries.

Namjoon is too drunk for this and his head and chest are aching. He feels that pull again, the same one he felt when he had kissed Hoseok five years ago. Maybe things are starting to make a little sense.

“Hoseok. So...all this time?”

“Yeah,” Hoseok nods. “All this time.”

“But Yoongi-hyung…”

“I know,” Yoongi interrupts. “Hoseok told me that he still had feelings for you when he found out you were coming home.”

Namjoon feels a hand press down on his knee. Hoseok is leaning forward and the candlelight catches the tear tracks on his cheeks. Namjoon feels the pull in his chest.

“I think I still love you too,” Namjoon says. The words hang heavy in the air between them. 

Hoseok moves his hand to cup Namjoon’s chin and Namjoon realizes that he’s crying too. 

Hoseok is barely whispering. “Can I kiss you, Namjoon?” 

Namjoon nods and leans in to connect their lips. Hoseok’s lips are soft against his as they kiss. Namjoon breathes in the scent of soju on Hoseok’s breath and remembers the music playing on the rooftop, remembers the golden glow of the string lights.

Remembers how it feels to kiss the person he loves most in this world.

Namjoon pulls back and wipes Hoseok’s tears from his cheeks. They press their foreheads together and inhale and exhale and inhale again. Namjoon looks over and sees Yoongi staring. Yoongi’s eyes flicker to the floor.

“Hyung?” Namjoon asks.

“Hm?”

“Come over here.”

Yoongi nods. “Okay.”

Yoongi crawls around the coffee table and sits in front of Hoseok and Namjoon and his hands are shaking. Namjoon reaches out and threads his fingers with Yoongi’s and squeezes softly. Hoseok reaches out and takes Yoongi’s other hand. They sit in the candlelight and listen to the rainfall overhead. 

Namjoon relaxes his shoulders. “I guess we have a lot to figure out.”

Yoongi tugs on Namjoon and Hoseok’s hands. “We should get some sleep. We can talk about this in the morning when we’re sober.”



/


Hoseok is giggly and warm, the apples of his cheeks are bright red. “Oh shit, I definitely drank too much.”

“Cheers to our last night together,” Namjoon says. He holds the bottle up and finishes what’s left. It’s bitter and sweet on the back of his tongue and burns going down. 

“Wanna dance with me?” Hoseok asks. He’s swaying around to whatever song is playing, the string lights dance in the summer breeze above him. He looks like he’s glowing. 

Namjoon stands and tries to find his footing but ends up stumbling into Hoseok. He almost takes them both down. They hold on tightly to each other and laugh. Hoseok’s laugh is so bright, Namjoon swears it could light the night sky. 

Namjoon looks down at his feet and clasps his hands around Hoseok’s. Hoseok moves back and forth gracefully, even drunk, but Namjoon can’t keep up. 

“You know I can’t dance for shit,” Namjoon says. 

“It doesn’t matter, I’m having fun.”

Namjoon’s eyes meet Hoseok’s and it feels like the world stops around them. Hoseok’s smile is brilliant, his eyes are kind. He looks up at Namjoon and Namjoon feels something pull inside his chest. 

He’s not ready to leave home. He’s not ready to leave Hoseok. 

“I’m gonna miss you,” Hoseok says quietly. “We have to text every day.”

“Okay, ‘Seok.”

Hoseok unclasps their hands and cups Namjoon’s chin. “Promise me, Joonie.”

They’re not dancing anymore. Hoseok is pressed tightly into Namjoon’s chest. Namjoon must’ve slipped his hands around his waist because he’s pulling him closer. 

Namjoon looks at him and exhales. “I promise.”

Hoseok smiles softly and looks away for a moment, as if he’s thinking of something to say. Namjoon feels the pull again, feels it burning through his chest. When Hoseok looks back, Namjoon leans in and kisses him. 

Hoseok presses up onto his tip toes and leans into the kiss, his mouth open and warm against Namjoon’s. Hoseok slips his hands around the back of Namjoon’s head and runs his fingertips along the nape of his neck. Namjoon moans softly into Hoseok’s mouth as their lips move together.

Fuck, Namjoon is kissing his best friend. Why is he kissing his best friend?

Namjoon feels panic swell in his chest and he breaks the kiss. He looks at Hoseok with wild eyes, his chest heaving. 

“Wow,” Hoseok says softly. 

Namjoon pushes back slightly and apologizes. He feels Hoseok’s hands slip away from his neck. 

“It’s okay Joonie, it’s okay.”

“I shouldn’t have done that. I’m really drunk.” How could he fuck this up?

Hoseok moves toward Namjoon but Namjoon turns away. 

“Hey, talk to me.”

“I’m sorry, I’m drunk.”

Hoseok laughs lightly. “I’m drunk too.”

“It was a mistake,” Namjoon says quickly. He glances at Hoseok and his face seems to falter. 

“Okay.”

“I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

“Never. You could never ruin our friendship. Let’s just forget it, okay?” Hoseok responds. “If that’s what you want.”

“Okay.”

“That’s what you want? To forget it happened?” 

Namjoon nods in response.

Hoseok sighs and wipes his brow. “I should go. You have a big day tomorrow. Leaving for Europe forever and all that.”

“It’s not forever.”

This feels wrong. Why does this feel wrong?

“Well, text me when you land. Let me know if you got there safely.”

Namjoon doesn’t look up as Hoseok walks out the door. Doesn’t text Hoseok when he lands in Vienna. Doesn’t text him until he’s sure he hasn’t ruined their friendship.

Doesn’t text him until he’s sure Hoseok’s moved on.

/

Sunlight is spilling in through the window, the entire bedroom is glowing gold. Namjoon squeezes his eyes closed to block out the sun but he’s already awake. His head is aching, his eyes are puffy, his throat is sore. He breathes in deep and the scent of vanilla blooms in his lungs. He buries his face down into the back of Hoseok’s neck and kisses softly. 

Namjoon’s arm is wrapped around Hoseok’s middle, his chest pressed flush against Hoseok’s back. He listens to Hoseok breathe, feels the rise and fall of his abdomen as he inhales and exhales. Namjoon feels someone rubbing small circles on the back of his hand, feels fingertips ghost up and down his arm. Namjoon peeks over and sees Yoongi blinking the sleep from his eyes. Hoseok is sandwiched between them beneath the covers.

“Morning,” Yoongi says quietly. His voice is grating.

Namjoon rests his chin in the crook of Hoseok’s neck so he and Yoongi can stare at each other. “Morning.”

Yoongi’s eyes and face are puffy with sleep, his blonde hair is mussed and matted. He looks impossibly soft. His fingertips trace Namjoon’s arm and give Namjoon goosebumps. 

“Breakfast?” Yoongi asks.

Namjoon hears a muffled voice croak from under the covers. “Yes, please.”

“Morning, baby,” Yoongi says.

Namjoon feels Hoseok take a deep inhale, feels him stirring beneath the covers.

“Hmm, morning,” Hoseok responds. “Need food. Need coffee.”

Yoongi laughs softly. “Okay, I’m getting up.”

Hoseok reaches out and pulls on Yoongi’s sleep shirt. Yoongi climbs back onto the mattress and leans in to kiss Hoseok softly and then looks at Namjoon.

“Namjoon-ah, can you help me in the kitchen?” he asks. 

Namjoon sits up on the bed and something low in his stomach swoops. “Sure, hyung.” 

He follows Yoongi out into the kitchen, leaving Hoseok in bed to sleep. Yoongi starts the kettle and scoops coffee into the french press while Namjoon stands around awkwardly. 

“What can I do?” Namjoon asks.

“Actually I don’t need you to do anything,” Yoongi responds. “I wanted to talk to you about what happened last night.”

Namjoon hears the sizzle of pork belly on the stovetop. “Oh. Okay.”

“I don’t really know where to start,” Yoongi shrugs.

“Me either,” Namjoon admits.

Yoongi puts the kettle on and presses his hands onto the counter. “I asked you about Hoseok yesterday because I could tell that you still have feelings for him.”

“I wasn’t trying to overstep—”

“Namjoon-ah,” Yoongi says firmly, “it’s okay.”

Namjoon sits at the small kitchen table and folds his hands together to stop himself from fidgeting.

“I didn’t expect to like you,” Yoongi says. 

The statement catches Namjoon by surprise. “Why, hyung?” 

Yoongi sighs and turns his attention to the pork belly cooking on the stove. “I don’t know. Because I was scared, I guess.”

Namjoon leans forward and his eyes widen. “Scared? Of me?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t understand.”

“My boyfriend told me he was in love with you before I had even met you.”

He says those words, in love with you , and a fluttery feeling bubbles up in the pit of Namjoon’s stomach. He had almost forgotten that Hoseok confessed his feelings over a bottle of soju last night. 

“Oh,” is all he can manage to respond. 

Yoongi puts the pork belly onto the plate and turns the burner off. He sits across from Namjoon and rests one arm on the table. “I haven’t known Hoseok for as long as you have, but I can tell that he puts a lot of thought into the people he loves.” Yoongi bites the inside of his lip before continuing. “I figured if he still loved you after five years that there must be a good reason. Part of me thought I could lose him.”

“Oh, hyung, I would never…”

Yoongi holds his hands up, “I know that now. I mean I get it.”

Namjoon cocks his head. “Get what?”

“I get why Hoseok waited for you,” Yoongi shrugs.

The fluttery feeling works its way up from Namjoon’s stomach and into his throat. He exhales and sits back in his chair, trying to hide the smile spreading across his face.

Yoongi sighs. “You and Hoseok have a lot to unpack.”

“Yeah,” Namjoon nods.

Yoongi lowers his voice as if he’s nervous. “And I think there’s something between us, too.”

Namjoon feels his heart beat a little faster. “Yeah,” he repeats.

“Honestly, I’m scared shitless,” Yoongi says as he scratches behind his ear. He huffs out a small laugh.

“Me too, hyung.” 

For a moment, Namjoon hesitates. He looks at Yoongi across the table and can feel the anxiety radiating off of him. He slides his hand on top of Yoongi’s and feels it trembling. Yoongi turns his hand over and Namjoon feels their palms press into each other. 

Yoongi shifts in his seat. “I know that we’re all at different points in this relationship. And I know that you don’t love me like you love Hoseok—”

“But I think I could,” Namjoon interrupts without thinking. He suddenly feels anxious and tries to pull his hand back. “I mean… fuck—”

Yoongi leans forward and grabs Namjoon’s hand before smiling. “Namjoon-ah, I think I could too.”

Namjoon’s stomach swoops again and he feels Yoongi’s fingertips rub along his pulse point. They sit in silence for a moment and the air feels thick around them.

Yoongi looks away and clears his throat. “This is uh, this is a little overwhelming.”

“Yeah, are we okay?” Namjoon asks.

“We’re okay,” Yoongi says. “I’m gonna finish making breakfast.”

Namjoon pulls his hand back and watches as Yoongi maneuvers through the kitchen. He listens to the sizzle of eggs frying in the pan, listens to the kettle whistling before Yoongi makes coffee. 

When he’s finished plating the food, Yoongi carries a breakfast tray into the bedroom with Namjoon following closely behind with the french press and three mugs hanging from his fingertips. Hoseok is fast asleep in bed.

Yoongi sets the tray on the foot of the bed and tries to wake Hoseok. Namjoon carefully places the mugs on the nightstand and pours coffee for the three of them and the bedroom fills with notes of toasted praline and cherry. 

Namjoon sits on the bed with a mug of coffee in his hands. Hoseok flips over to curl into Namjoon’s chest and carefully wraps his arms around Namjoon’s middle before taking the mug of coffee. Hoseok nuzzles his face into Namjoon’s neck and Namjoon feels the fluttering in his stomach again. 

It all feels like a dream.

Hoseok tilts his face up, squinting to shield his eyes from the sunlight. He looks so soft and tired and he feels warm, warm, warm. He sips the coffee and hums happily.

“Hey, good morning,” Namjoon says.

“Did I dream everything that happened last night?” Hoseok asks.

“I thought maybe I did,” Namjoon says quietly. He feels Hoseok’s hand grab his own. 

Hoseok looks down to the foot of the bed where Yoongi is sitting and smiles. “Hi, hyung.”

“Hey, you,” Yoongi responds. “Wanna eat?”

“Mhm. I’m starving.”

Yoongi sets the tray on Hoseok’s lap and climbs in bed beside him. Namjoon passes a mug of coffee to Yoongi and they sit quietly together while they eat. It feels strangely normal and familiar, like this is any other day. 

Namjoon chews absentmindedly while he looks out the window. The trees look lush and green in the way that everything looks brighter after a storm. “Hoseok?”

“Hm?”

“Have we really been in love with each other this entire time?”

Hoseok leans back against the headboard. “You know what I think? I think… we are both very stupid.”

Yoongi is the first to laugh, quietly before it bubbles out of him. Namjoon watches his eyes crinkle, watches his gums peek out as he practically doubles over on the bed. Hoseok looks at Yoongi with wide eyes before joining, and soon Namjoon is laughing so hard beside them that his stomach hurts.

After breakfast, Hoseok and Yoongi carry the empty tray and mugs into the kitchen to clean up. Namjoon settles beneath the covers and lets the warmth of vanilla wrap around him. He feels calm and sleepy and content as he listens to the quiet hum of muffled voices in the kitchen. Before long his eyelids are getting heavy and he’s drifting in and out of sleep.

In two days they’ll make the drive back to Seoul. The car ride will be quiet in a comfortable kind of way, a kind of way that will make Namjoon feel so sure about Hoseok and Yoongi. 

When they drop him off at his apartment, Hoseok will kiss Namjoon sweetly as they say goodbye. Yoongi will shuffle awkwardly and rub his hand across the back of his neck until Namjoon pulls him into his arms. He will kiss Yoongi for the first time and his stomach won’t stop fluttering for days after. 

Namjoon knows that his feelings for Yoongi and Hoseok won’t be confined to their week in the cabin, and he knows they feel the same way. As his eyes finally close and his breathing evens out, he hears them laughing in the kitchen, the sound echoing through the cabin. He knows that things are good now. Things are so, so good.

~~~~~~~
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