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Some days feel like they’re going to be significant, as if something in your heart just knows that these twenty-four hours are going to be simply unforgettable. As Tadashi glanced over to Tsukishima sprawled out on his floor, he wondered if today was one of those days. Something about the way that Tsukishima immediately agreed to come study, the way their conversation continued easily the entire walk home. Tsukishima was simply glowing as they laughed and joked, his biting sarcasm replaced with lighthearted, idiotic banter. Tadashi could barely tear his eyes off of him to work on his essay, the words on his computer screen ended up blurry and unreadable every time he tried.
“Where are you going?” Tadashi looked up to see Tsukishima gathering his notebooks off of the floor of Tadashi’s room and unceremoniously stuffing them into his bag.
“I completely blanked, I was supposed to go with Kuroo to see that band he always raves about… Syndrome Burnouts or something?” Tsukishima’s face reddened with what Tadashi assumed was annoyance.
“You could just not go,” Tadashi said, trying to keep his voice neutral, though his heart was drumming loudly in his chest.
Tsukishima straightened up at that remark, a notebook still clutched in his hand, bewilderment coloring his face. Tadashi ignored his instinct to back off and raised himself to sit on the edge of the bed, looking Tsukishima in the eye.
“I mean,” Tadashi continued, “you obviously don’t want to go. It's written all over your face.”
“What are you-”
“He doesn’t mean anything to you, he’ll be gone within the week, just like the rest of them. He’s worthless. It would be better to let him know now so he can get over it sooner.” The words came tumbling out faster than Tadashi could even think, yet he didn’t regret a single one.
“Yamaguchi, what the fuck?” Tsukishima shook his head and sighed, “You know what, I don’t have time for this. We can talk about this shit when I get home.”
As Tsukishima turned to open the bedroom door, Tadashi felt his body move on its own, rushing to grab Tsukishima’s wrist. Before Tsukishima could free himself, Tadashi grabbed him by the shirt collar and pulled their lips together.
The kiss was everything Tadashi had imagined and more. Electrifying. Heartstopping. So, so very worth the wait. And far, far too short.
Tsukishima pulled himself away so sharply he almost hit his head on the wall. He looked more rattled than Tadashi had ever seen him. His tousled blond curls fell to his forehead and Tadashi noted with pride that an upturned collar looked very good on him. He took this as a good sign.
“I like you, Tsukki.” Tadashi averted his eyes in embarrassment. “I always have. You… You’re everything to me.”
“Yamaguchi I-” Tsukishima started, though his throat refused to form the words.
“It's always been us Tsukki, through thick and thin. We’re what everyone wishes they had. I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember and I don't know what I'd do if you walked out that door. So please… please stay here. With me.” Tadashi felt tears prick his eyes as he attempted to meet Tsukishima's gaze.
“Oh.”
Not exactly the response I was going for.
Tsukishima pressed his hands to his temples as if he was trying to solve a difficult math problem, his face contorted in something resembling pain. He sighed and opened his eyes, his expression softening as he scanned Tadashi’s face.
“Please, Kei.” Tadashi tried to grab Tsukishima’s hand, but he immediately crossed his arms to avoid the touch.
“I can’t. I can’t Tadashi.”
Tadashi’s brain short-circuited. He’d… he’d never even considered the idea that Tsukishima would outright reject him. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. He was supposed to sweep Tadashi up in his arms and tell him how much he loved him. They were supposed to be head over heels in love. Everyone told Tadashi they were meant to be. Everyone encouraged him, told him there wasn’t even the slightest chance Tsukishima would say no.
“What?”
“Tadashi, you know I can’t.” Tsukishima rubbed the back of his neck, a gesture Tadashi hadn’t seen since grade school, “I really like Kuroo; we’re happy together. I can’t do that to him.”
“You can’t do that to him ?” Tadashi spat, “What about us? What about me?”
“Tadashi I-”
“No. Don’t even. You have never, not once used my first name, and you decide to use it as you’re rejecting me for some dickhead? I refuse. Run along to your precious Kuroo, he’s the only person that matters to you anyway.”
“Tada- Yamaguchi, what the actual fuck is up with you?” The anger in Tsukishima’s eyes had returned, along with an emotion Tadashi didn’t care enough to pinpoint, yet his voice remained cool and detached. “Why can’t you just be happy for me? Why can’t you respect the fact that I’m in a relationship? I don’t understand. Please, enlighten me.”
“He’s not even worth your time! He’s just some dumb guy who’s kinda good at volleyball. Is that it? Do you want someone better at volleyball? What are your criteria here? I’m so very curious. So please, Tsukishima, do enlighten me as to what you see in him.”
Tsukishima paused for a moment. Just a beat. Tadashi watched his mind search for an answer.
See, he doesn’t have a reason, he’ll realize it was always meant to be us, Tadashi thought desperately.
“I love him.”
Tadashi felt his body go weightless, his knees hitting the floor with a painful thud.
This wasn’t how this was supposed to go at all.
Three simple words had ripped Tadashi to shreds, and he had nothing to say for it. What could he say? What are you supposed to say when you destroy the best relationship you’ve ever had out of sheer jealousy? Tadashi sat shell-shocked, his entire world crumbling right before his eyes, and all Tsukishima could do was look down with a smirk. Or maybe a grimace. It didn't really matter anyway. It was over no matter what.
Significant days are rarely ones you want to remember, and that’s exactly why you remember them. They stick in your mind just to tear you apart over and over again, to force you to remember exactly just how awful you were, just how much you fucked up.
Significant days leave you crumpled on the floor, watching the best thing that’s ever happened to you walk out the door.