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Behrad was dying, and it was her fault. Her existence was causing a temporal disturbance, and she had to go. She had time to say goodbye, even if doing it was more painful than death. Really, it was.
She talked with Nate. It was funny, how she was being teased by Behrad and, well, herself, about spending the night with Nate. She didn't. She went to tell him that she loved him but that she loved someone else more, a lot more. Nate was upset, really upset at first, but he understood. He understood really well, was so understanding, and Zari wished she had time to uncover why he glanced so longingly at a picture of Ray when she left. She wouldn't get to do that now.
It was the loss of what could have been’s, the grief over days yet to happen. Catching up with Behrad, learning about him in this life, learning about herself , and meeting her (their) parents. Going to Sara and Ava’s wedding which they were sure to have eventually. Meeting Lita. Meeting Ray and Nora's children (and maybe Nate's too, if she was there to push him. Now she's not so sure), and watching them grow up. Zari would never get to visit Amaya, or hell even that dumb cowboy Hex, again. Days upon days upon days. Everything she's ever wanted, with real, honest hope that it could work. Zari would always give her life for Behrad, but wow , dying really would be so much easier than this.
After she had left Nate's room there was only one person she knew she needed to see. She was scared, so scared of falling in love so deeply, and they had never had any chance before, in her fearful mind. But now? Now Zari was ready; she had lost Charlie once, and having to see her with ew, Behrad , woke her up from her idiotic fears. YOLO , or whatever Nate always said, was something she understood a lot better now (well, knowing them, it wasn't really true, but-). When she opened the door to Charlie's room, they just stared. It could have been seconds or days, Zari had no clue, but eventually one of them said I love you and the other said it back and then they were kissing and fuck , Zari had never felt this free. Charlie stopped her, eventually, and murmured something about wanting to talk about it later and going slow. I’m tired right now, though, they said, and I really just want to cuddle. Of course, Zari obliged, and wow , Charlie gives amazing cuddles. They eventually both fell asleep, the last thing Zari heard from Charlie was Don't worry, Z, we've got all the time in the world .
Dates, kisses, holding hands and ice cream and sneaking off on missions and so many moments, so many firsts, so many things lost. Everything felt like sand: she had it all and now it was slipping through her fingers, and Behrad offered to die for her and she wasn't going to let that happen again. There was only one solution to this but Zari didn't think she could actually say goodbye.
Sara. Ava. Two of the best people she's ever known. She gave them messages. For Ray, and Nora, and Amaya and the rest. For everyone on the ship too. Don't read them yet , she asked, wait until I’m gone. I can't handle the goodbyes. The hug she gets in return is crushing, and she swears her sobs can be heard throughout the entire ship. (No one says anything about it. She’s so grateful for that.)
She never talked to Charlie alone. It's selfish, but she doesn't want to go and she wouldn't be able to, not if Charlie asked her to stay. She hugged Behrad, her amazing brother, even if he wasn't the one she knew, one last time. She was ready, almost about to go and Charlie had to stop her. Had to yell for her to stop. Had to run up to her and pull her into the best kiss of her entire life. When she pulled away, their foreheads rested against each other, and Charlie looked so perfect.
Don't give up on me
, Charlie begged.
I’m immortal you know, and so are you, technically, totem dweller; we'll be together someday, I promise
. Tears pooled in her eyes. Zari tried to speak but all that escaped was a choking sob.
It's okay love. Shh hey, hey s’ alright. I’ve waited thousands and thousands of years to meet you, I can wait a few more baby
. There was silence, and then Zari kissed them, softly and
oh
, it was so salty— both of their faces were wet with tears.
I love you,
she whispered, voice cracking.
I know, naturally you do I’m amaz
—
OW hey okay alright love, I love you too, of course I do
. Zari had whacked them, and it brought enough lightheartedness for Zari to pull away slightly. The Legends looked unbelievably broken up. Nate had a longing look, but Zari wasn't convinced it was for her, and the pity in his eyes hurt her. Sara looked deeply upset, the captain unable to do anything to help her crew right now. Zari stopped looking after she saw the tears silently flowing down Ava’s face; she couldn't take it. She looked back at Charlie's eyes, their beautiful eyes, and oh god how was she going to be able to-
Okay darling, I think I’ve made enough of a scene here. Do your thing. And this isn't a goodbye, I promise you. I promise we'll see each other again, no matter what. I love you so much Z.
Their voice was breaking and hoarse but Charlie got it all out before trying to step away. Their hands were the only thing left intertwined, and when Charlie tried to pull away Zari still held tight.
See you later, alligator?
was a broken whisper past Zari’s lips. Charlie gave a watery laugh,
In a while, crocodile.