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The grass against his back felt as if he was laying on top of a bed of nails. The mosquitoes also seemed never ending as he continuously swatted them away. But, the uncomfortableness and bug bites didn’t matter as long as he was with him.
“San, I think that’s the Big Dipper! Look look!,” Yeosang said as he enthusiastically pointed at the brightly spotted dark sky.
“Sangie, that’s just a cluster of stars silly,” San responded with a teasing tone as he giggled at Yeosang’s excitement. “You’re so cute when you get excited and jumpy like that.”
Yeosang didn’t even need to look in a mirror to know his face was now the color of a bright, red apple. San is so cruel with the amount of times he’s left him as a flustered mess. It was as if San knew he was head over heels for him and just wanted to mess with him. To be honest, Yeosang knew how obvious he was with his ever growing feelings towards his roommate. Everyone knew how he felt (everyone except for San, but to be quite frank, San wouldn’t know a 50ft pole was in front of him until it hit him.) and made it their mission to tease him about it everyday, Hongjoong hyung being the worst as he always brought it up when he was with him.
No matter how many times his friends encouraged him to just suck it up and confess, he could never bring himself to do it. The fear of rejection and disgust was flowing through his heart and a never-ending loop of “he’s too good for you” playing in his mind.
“Hey! Look, a shooting star! Quickly make a wish Yeo!”
A shooting star, huh? Maybe a superstitious practice such as wishing on a star will make Yeosang worries evaporate into the cold night air. Unlikely though.
He looked up at the dark navy colored sky and silently thought, ”I wish that San liked me back.”
“So, what did you wish for?”
“Just some new painting supplies,” Yeosang lied, ”since Seonghwa hyung’s dumbass broke my last canvas. I think that is the 12th canvas someone has stepped through just this year. God, maybe I should have wished for new friends instead.”
Yeosang’s rant was soon interrupted by the sweet sound of San’s laughter. Yeosang looked to his left without realizing just how close their faces were to each other. He could feel the heat radiating off of San’s cheeks and the smell of his honey scented shampoo. Yeosang felt his heart begin to stutter as he noticed his dimples paired with his catlike smile.
“U-Uh so, um what did you wish for Sannie?” He sputtered out quickly to cover up the fact that he was staring for an uncomfortably long amount of time.
San seemed to be taken back by the question. He turned his face back to the sky and reached his hand out to hold Yeosang’s.
“Oh, nothing much. Just that I pass my final exam tomorrow,” San answered while laughing nervously.
“Sannie, you have nothing to worry about! You crammed for weeks for the test, I know you’re gonna ace it!”
San turned his head to face Yeosang’s again. There really was no need to go stargazing when the whole galaxy was already being held in San’s eyes.
“Thank you, it really means a lot to me when you give me reassurances like that,” he said as he squeezed Yeosang’s hand a little tighter.
The all consuming feeling of love took hold of Yeosang’s body and the sudden prick of his eyes told him he was close to tears. There was absolutely no fucking way he could continue on like this. It just hurt way too much, he was feeling way too much. Though he tried his best to push it back down into the deep abyss of his brain, he knew what he needed to do.
----
A week had passed since that night he spent looking at the stars next to the person he wanted the most. Since then, finals had finally come to a close and they were free for winter break. It wasn’t as cold as the year before, but still cold enough to make the tip of your nose blush colored and being able to see your breath in the wind.
“Yeo, why are we standing in the middle of the park when it's freezing out here? I seriously feel like my balls are about to ice up and fall off.”
Despite San’s desperate attempt of getting Yeosang to tell him why he brought him out there, Yeosang could only think about the consequences of what he was about to say. He knew this could only end badly, whether that be San moving out because he felt uncomfortable with Yeosang’s presence and losing his best friend or having San awkwardly reject him and ultimately having him slowly distance himself from Yeosang. Honestly, though both options were displeasing to him, he hoped for the latter. He had spent this entire week working up the courage for this moment. He felt his heart rate increase as he began to take a step closer to San’s shivering body.
“San, you know it’s been 5 years since we met. It actually happened right here in this spot,” Yeosang said as he vaguely gestured to his surroundings.
“How could I forget? That’s the day you ran over me with your stupid skateboard then proceeded to profusely apologize as you cried,” San reminisced with soft, kind eyes that beamed at Yeosang. “You even bought me ice cream and gave me your coupon to the Outback SteakHouse.”
Ok, so it wasn't one of Yeosang’s most gracious moments, he must admit. But, it was something he wouldn’t change for the world. It was the moment he met San, someone he treasured most of all.
He felt the familiar feeling of tears gathering in his eyes as he built up the courage to look at San. This was a really dumb decision wasn’t it?
“That was honestly the best day of my life,” Yeosang said with a smile.
“You’re so mean! I knew you enjoyed my pain,” San jokingly slapped Yeosangs shoulder while faking a look of betrayal.
“No, dummy, it’s because I met you that day,” He took a deep breath to settle his anxious feelings in his chest and quickly looked down at his feet on the mushy ground, ”You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me Sannie.”
San’s face changed from soft and gentle to one of confusion. Yeosang was about to dive off the tallest cliff with no parachute.
“Yeosang, why did you really bring me here? What are you trying to tell me?”
“I-,” hesitation clogged his throat as he tried to clear away the fear building up inside, ”San, I love you. I have for a long while now actually. I know you don’t feel the same, but I just needed to tell you before it got any more painful.” The quiet was suffocating. It only made Yeosang want to fill it up with his continued love confession.
“That day we went stargazing and you asked me what I wished for, I lied. I didn’t wish for new art supplies, I wished for you to like me back,” he bitterly laughed as the dams broke in his eyes, ”Stupid, I know. I just feel so much for you it drives me insane, but it also hurts with how much I care about you. You’re the one person who I can always go to without getting shut out. You make me feel safe and I like that feeling a lot.”
The tears seemed never ending as he desperately tried to wipe them away with his fluffy pink sweater paws. The icy air around him only made his heart freeze up more. He didn’t dare to look up and see what San’s face looked like. The silence coming from his end was already an answer to him. San didn’t feel the same after all. He knew this already, but it still hurt like a fucking bitch.
“I completely understand if you want to move out. I wouldn’t want you to feel uncomfortable in your own hous-”
His words were cut off by a sudden pair of lips on his own. His eyes widened in shock as he realized San was kissing him. His lips were soft and the kiss was so gentle. It was as if San thought he would break him if he kissed him any harder. The hand on his cheek was warm despite the weather and he could feel tears on the others cheeks. Their lips stayed locked together for what seemed like an eternity. Both thinking if they pulled away they would suddenly wake up and this moment would have been nothing but a hopeful dream.
But, it wasn’t a dream. Yeosang reached his own hand up to San’s nape and gently held the hair at the end of it. The warmth of his lips flowed throughout Yeosang’s body. Slowly, Yeosang began to pull away. San wrapped his arm around his lower back and placed his forehead against his.
“Dumbass, how could I not fall in love with you. Sangie, I fell in love with you the moment I saw your stupidly beautiful face.”
Well, this was not one of the many reaction scenarios that Yeosang played in his mind but it was a welcomed one. Relief and happiness overtook his emotions as he smiled brightly towards the other.
“I also lied that night, I didn’t wish to pass my test. I...I actually wished that you loved me back as well. You're my everything Yeo, and to know that you feel the same way as I do makes me beyond fucking happy,” San smiled kindly and he wiped away the remaining tears on Yeosang’s face.
“You’re fucking joking,” Yeosang laughed, ”This whole time we’ve been mutually pining over each other! God, we need to work on our communication skills more.”
San tucked a piece of hair behind Yeosang’s ear and cupped his face with his other. Yeosang had never noticed how much love and affection San looked at him with. He guessed both of them were equally dense in the love department. The thought of San quietly pining over him while he was doing the exact same thing made him silently laugh. They really were both idiots after all. And here Yeosang was thinking he was the more observant one.
“So...wanna go grab ice cream for the shop around the corner?”
“San, it's quite literally 30 degrees out here and you want cold ass dessert?”
“Of course,” he said with a pout, ”There is never a wrong time OR season for ice cream!”
With a roll of his eyes and a quick peck on the lips, Yeosang dashed off in the direction of the convenience store. “The last one there is a gay loser!”
“Hey! No fair you got a head start,” San cried out as he chased after the giggling boy who stole his heart.