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Kaz awoke to the sound of screaming. The noise alerted some primal instinct in him, a reflex he’d learned long ago, and he bolted out of the bed, pausing only to grab his cane. He found Inej standing outside your door, looking concerned. Kaz felt panic rise in his throat. Inej glanced at him, surprised, but she was unable to stop him from throwing the door open and entering the room. He stopped at the sight of you— terrified, covered in sweat, and on the verge of tears.
He’d rarely seen you upset. When you arrived at the Slat, you had thrown the Dregs into confusion with your liveliness. Genuine laughter was hard to come by in Ketterdam, but you managed to inspire it in everyone you chatted with. Slowly, traces of you appeared throughout the Slat: bright wildflowers in previously somber corners, the scent of baked goods in the seldom-used kitchen, and little notes for each of the Crows. Many doubted that you would be able to handle serious missions, but they were quickly disproven when you hadn’t hesitated to defend the Crow Club against a group of rogue Dime Lions looking for a fight. You’d been affectionately nicknamed ‘the Anchor’ by Jesper, and the name had stuck. He insisted that it was because of the way you seemed to ground the volatile crew, but he enjoyed teasing you about your seafaring ancestry too much for that to be the only reason.
“What happened?” Kaz growled, as he quickly analyzed the room. The window was shut, and there was no sign of an intruder, but that didn’t explain the fear in your expression.
Inej answered for you. “Nightmares. Nina’s been helping them, but tonight she was with Matthias.”
“How long?”
This time, it was you who spoke. “Three months.”
Three months. You watched realization dawn on Kaz’s face as he remembered the heist that had gone terribly, terribly wrong.
The mission was simple. A local mercher was throwing a grand celebration for his 15th wedding anniversary; rumored to be the event of the year, socialites from every corner of Kerch were on the guest list. However wealthy they were, Kaz had his eye on one subject only: the mercher’s wife. At their last anniversary ball, she’d been gifted an enormous diamond necklace, and tonight was the perfect cover for its theft. They would pose as guests at the gala, steal the hostess's prized jewelry from its safe in her bedroom, and leave without anyone being the wiser to their plan. Your job was to take care of the guards near the room— a distraught young woman, lost in an unfamiliar castle and inebriated from the party, was an easy distraction to the bored soldiers. However, as the clock hand crept by and you were nowhere to be seen, Kaz decided to take care of it himself. With little time for pleasantries, he struck the guards down with his cane and worked quickly to pick the locks on the safe. He’d sent the necklace off with Inej, but he grew more and more irate when it appeared that you had abandoned the crew.
Kaz’s normally guarded expression was tightened in a grimace. His eyes darkened to a stormy slate colour as he stalked down the empty halls, assessing what he should do next. It wasn’t like you to run away from a job; you had handled several other missions with ease, and you loved playing actress for a few hours at social events. This felt more personal, somehow. Had you finally decided that life with the Dregs wasn’t good enough for you? He couldn’t blame you if that was true; your warmth didn’t belong among the gloom, filth, and violence of the Barrel.
As he turned the corner, he found you pressed against the wall, fighting the advances of a leering partygoer. If he had been asked to recall what happened after that, he wouldn’t have been able to give an honest answer. All he remembered was the sensation of the rest of the world slowing down around him, his gaze trained on you. His body was screaming for him to run to you, save you, do anything at all, but he knew he had to think rationally or risk hurting you more. Kaz’s eyes narrowed as he took in the sight of the man’s hands fisted in your hair, and he found himself moving as quickly as he could towards you. He hadn’t hesitated to knock the man unconscious and throw him into a nearby broom closet. If he’d beaten the man up more than was needed to incapacitate him, well, it was what he deserved. He’d likely get worse than that once Kaz made sure that you were safe back at the Slat.
Shaking, you stumbled away from the wall and gasped for breath. He gave you a moment to collect yourself as he frowned at his reaction. Of course you hadn’t deserted him; he was always one step ahead of his enemies, and he never invested in anything- or anyone- foolish. So why had he been so upset?
Suddenly, the two of you heard voices and laughter from the other end of the hall. Your head snapped up in panic, realizing that you had dropped your mask of an indifferent aristocrat. “Here.” You looked over to find Kaz standing at your side with his arm held out, avoiding eye contact. “Kaz, you don’t have to. Jesper told me about...” He gritted his teeth and raised an eyebrow at you, expectant. Shocked, you accepted his clothed arm, and while he tensed at the contact, it was enough for you to pull yourself together and pretend to be just another couple enjoying the evening.
Once you’d made it out of the mansion and into a secluded alley, you dropped to the ground and heaved. You thanked the Saints for small mercies as Kaz quietly gave you space to breathe and shuddered at the thought of what might have happened had he not been there. You certainly hadn’t expected to be accosted on your way to the bedroom. Usually, dozens of drunken guests harmlessly roamed the hallways, and you thought this man would be no different. He’d followed you through the halls, calling for you to grant him your affections, and you had decided to take several detours to throw him off before you disposed of the guards. He’d suddenly advanced towards you when the other visitors had passed by, and in your shock, you’d frozen for too many seconds before fighting back. You would never forget the look on Kaz’s face when he saw you- eyes widened with anger and worry, his face set with rage as he’d nearly lunged at the man.
After you had returned to the Slat, Inej came to your room with a plate of Suli cookies and a caring embrace. She listened as you told her everything that happened, her warm brown eyes filled with sympathy and compassion. She, of all people, could understand, after spending years in the Menagerie. As you cried in her arms, you thought you heard the sound of footsteps stopping by your door, which soon resumed their pace. Inej never told you, but Kaz had asked her to check on you before he left to deposit the jewelry. She thought that perhaps, he liked Y/N more than he let on.
Kaz’s jaw tightened as he recalled the memory of that night, and you winced at the glare on his face. Inej glanced between the two of you.
“I’ll see if Wylan has any of that imported Kaelish tea left. Y/N, let me know if you need anything else, okay?”
You nodded and watched as she left the room.
Kaz turned his stony expression on you the minute the door clicked shut. “Why didn’t you tell me?” You scowled back.
“I didn’t want to worry you. What was I even supposed to tell you?”
“Well, good bloody job with that because I am worried! You put our missions at risk by not informing me of your situation, and worse-” You exploded.
“Of course, you only care about the missions! Because I’m only an investment to you, aren’t I? I heard what you said to Jesper.”
Kaz froze. The tension in the room was palpable. “I don’t only care about the missions,” he muttered.
You scoffed. “Right, I forgot about the kruge.”
Kaz ran his hand through his hair and huffed in frustration. “No, that’s not-” He gripped the handle of his cane, seemingly fighting with himself on something. “I care about you, too.”
All you could do was stare in shock. Kaz wasn’t a man of feeling , and he certainly couldn’t be called affectionate. For him to admit that he cared about you— even the smallest bit… Well, that was a lot for you to take in. When you said nothing, he turned and walked to the door.
“Wait!” He stopped, standing rigidly with his hand upon the doorknob. “Did you mean it?”
He didn’t respond, but the look in his eyes was answer enough.
“I mean- stay. Please,” you sighed, hating how weak you sounded. He glanced at the chair next to your bed and slowly sat down.
“I’m sorry for not telling you sooner. And... I feel the same,” you said softly. Kaz looked away, but not before you saw his shoulders drop and his grip on his cane loosen.
“He’s gone, you know.” Your expression must have shown your confusion because he sighed and spoke again. “The man who touched you. He won’t ever hurt you again.”
“Thank you,” you whispered, and you both pretended not to notice the tears threatening to fall from your eyes.
Later that night, Inej returned to find you sound asleep in your bed, with Kaz faintly snoring in the chair beside you. The tea had long been forgotten, and you had fallen asleep after Kaz quietly talked to you to get your mind off of the nightmare. It seemed he had, too, judging from the way his cane had fallen to the floor. Inej glanced at your faces, illuminated in the moonlight; she didn’t miss how even Kaz looked at peace in your tiny room. She set the tea tray on the tiny desk in the corner of the room and left as quietly as she came with a soft smile.