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There were so, so many signs that something here was wrong. Why did it take Inej so long to realize it, now?
Inej, you -
She had looked over her shoulder, Kaz had looked down.
What?
He’d glanced at the mug in her hand.
Nothing, he’d said. It was not nothing. It was never nothing, with him. Inej should have noticed-
A supposed family cure, from a boy with no family. One long glance at the drain cleaner, of all things, that Inej missed almost entirely . Since when did she miss things like that? And the smile, the smirk-
That stuff would kill her, Kaz.
A pause. The slightest smirk. She’d never seen Kaz smile before - twisted or otherwise. So where were the warning bells?
Thus ending her hangover, he’d replied.
There were so many places where this all went wrong.
So, Zoya had said expectantly.
Inej looked at Zoya, who held out her hand - royal blue scrunchie and all.
Apologize, she’d spat.
Okay, look, I’m sorry-
Zoya had cast her a look that said seriously? Inej looked down. Then she’d slipped her free hand to her waist, letting the glint of a dagger catch in the dim light. Zoya had gone absolutely still. Then she’d fixed her face into disdain once again.
Your boyfriend taught you how to fight. Isn’t that adorable.
Inej had swallowed, and narrowed her eyes. Kaz isn’t my boyfriend, she’d been tempted to say. But what would that have gotten her?
I apologized, Zoya.
And Inej wasn’t thinking. She handed Zoya the mug.
What else do you want from me? Inej had asked.
Zoya narrowed her eyes.
You fucked us over, Inej. I gave you a chance. One glance at Inej’s waist. You had potential. I can’t believe you threw it out.
Inej wanted to laugh. Potential for what? Zoya was the queen bee of high school, and she’d offered Inej a seat at her table. There was nothing more to it.
Don’t- Kaz started.
Zoya glared at him. This doesn’t involve you.
It did, Inej should have screamed. It fucking did. In the end, it did a hundred times more than she had ever expected. But she didn’t say a thing.
I can tear you apart, Inej. You and I both know that.
They did. They really both did.
I don’t think you’re in the right space to be making threats with that little knife of yours.
Zoya had taken a sniff of the mug Inej had handed her, just moments before, and narrowed her eyes. Then she’d shrugged, lifted it to her lips-
And you shouldn’t be making threats either, Nazyalensky. Kaz smirked. Again. Then, immediately, he looked away.
Zoya dropped to the ground.
Moments pass, then its been ten seconds. Ten seconds for Inej to realize that Kaz gave her one mug filled with drain cleaner and one with a real cure, and Inej took the wrong one .
Zoya does not move. Inej goes still, absolutely still -
“Shit.”
Kaz lets out a harsh bark of laughter. “That’s the first time I’ve heard you swear,” he says.
Inej whips around and glares at him. “That’s not the point! This isn’t funny, we have to call 911-”
Kaz’s silence speaks volumes. He grips his cane a little bit tighter, and tugs on his gloves an extra time. Then he steps forwards, bends down, and reaches for a pulse.
“It’s too late for that, Inej.”
Is Inej imagining the tension in his voice, the way he yanks his gloved hand back a little, little bit faster than he had to? Is she really trying to make herself see some sort of good in him, when she knows that it’s not there? Inej doesn’t know anymore.
There’s a lot of things, in fact, that she doesn’t know.
“Zoya? Zoya!” Inej’s voice rises, higher and higher. More and more panicked by the second. “Zoya, this isn’t funny -”
Nothing.
“No. No. Kaz, I just killed my best friend- ”
“And your worst enemy,” Kaz says. He stands up straight, resting on his cane once again.
Inej feels her knife almost burning at her side. She wants to scream.
“Same difference! It doesn’t matter, Kaz. I know you don’t believe in shit but the Saints aren’t gonna care who she is-”
Kaz glares at her.
“Kaz!”
He narrows his eyes.
“Zoya knew nothing about you, Inej. What did I teach you?”
How to fight, is Inej’s first instinct. How to murder is the more accurate second one. She knows what answer he wants, though.
“To be unseen,” she whispers.
Kaz nods briskly. “Challenge number one, Wraith. We pass this off as suicide.” He glances at her knife, and at her bare hands. Then his eyes drift. Out of focus, almost. Thinking.
“Kaz, I-”
She what? She hates him? She hates him, what he’s made her do - and what they’ve done together? Or she hates herself, for falling for it? For not knowing any better?
Maybe Inej hates herself for feeling anything for him in the first place.
And she needs out. She needs to get out, she needs somebody to promise her that this is just a messed up dream and that she didn’t do any of this and that it’s not her fault. Nobody’s going to do that for her. But she killed her, she actually killed her and Kaz doesn’t care. How is he so empty, as to not care?
“Nobody knows you carried a knife,” Kaz says suddenly.
Inej looks up at him. She blinks, twice. Three times. She won’t cry -
“Right,” she whispers. She can’t do more than whisper, or she’ll choke.
Kaz nods. He takes one step forward, and before Inej can think about it, he pulls her knife from her waist. He turns it over carefully in one gloved hand. Then he looks at her again.
“Get out of here,” he says. He looks down at Zoya’s body.
Inej knows she can’t follow his gaze, or else she’ll throw up.
“I’ll have it figured out by the time the police get here.”
Will he? Will he, she wants to ask? What can Kaz do?
But he looks at her, with such certainty and command in his dark eyes that Inej doesn’t know how she’s supposed to say no. She can’t do anything, here, and she almost laughs at the irony. She killed Zoya Nazyalensky, and she’s still not enough. How much does it take, to earn the power that comes with the royal blue scrunchie, which is now nothing but a symbol of the girl who lays dead on the floor?
Inej looks up at Kaz, evens out her breathing and leaves her knife in his hands.
“Okay.”
She should never trust him. She should never, ever trust Kaz Brekker. He’ll make two mugs, leave it up to chance, and of course he can twist the odds so that he always wins the game-
Inej turns to leave, anyways.
She wants to say something. She wishes she could tell Zoya that she was sorry. That she actually liked her, that they had a chance at becoming friends . She wants to ask Kaz why.
But did Kaz even have a reason?
Even if he did, Inej doesn’t know if she wants to know. Because how twisted does he have to be, to feel no guilt when he’s killed their school’s queen?
“Inej.” Kaz’s voice is edged with warning.
Oh. Right. Leaving.
“Sorry,” she whispers.
She doesn’t know when it all got this dark. She doesn’t just mean the sky anymore.
Inej slips out the door, and disappears into the night.
At least the sky is lit by stars. She’s starting to think that neither her or Kaz have a light in their eyes anymore.