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There is a myth that says “First love never dies.” But how about the first love that never lasts?
Jimin reminisces about his childhood as he smiles fondly at the couple in front of him, saying their vows and their promise of forever. For other people, it’s such a wonderful view, to be a witness of a couple’s love story but Jimin smiles with an ache in his heart,
“That could’ve been me,” he whispers.
♡
“What are you doing?” a young boy asked Jimin who's hiding behind the bushes.
Jimin frantically pulls him beside him, making him hide as well. “Bullies.” he whispered frighteningly, “there are bullies.”
The boy peeked around and there they are, the bullies that Jimin is talking about. “Shh don’t peek. They might hurt you as well if they see you.” Jimin scolds.
“Why are they bullying you?”
Jimin sighs, “because of my lisp. They think it’s funny so they’re making fun of it.”
“Did they hurt you?” the boy furrows his brows, trying to find any hint of bruise or wound.
“They push me but it doesn’t have a bruise so I’m okay.” Jimin said, covering his knees. The boy gently pulls his hands away to reveal the little stains of blood.
“It doesn’t have a bruise but it does have a bleeding wound.” the boy snorts. He stands up and Jimin almost shouts in fear when the bullies look in their direction.
“Oh look what we have here.” one of them says, “hello, Yoongi! Who’s behind you?”
Jimin curls himself in a fetal position to protect himself. His body is shaking from fear knowing the boy knows the bullies.
“What did I tell you about hurting other people, Jackson?” the boy said firmly.
“Is this why you don’t want to be one of us? To protect those weaklings?” Jimin heard and he’s not dumb not to know that he’s the weakling they are talking about.
“Do you want me to tell your mom what his little baby bubu is doing at the playground?” There's a hint of teasing on the young boy and Jimin can’t help but to look at him in awe.
“Tsk…. L-let’s go. Min Yoongi is such a boomer.” The group of bullies immediately runs away. Jimin pokes the boy.
“How did you do that?” Jimin asked because the boy is much shorter than the leader of the bullies so making him run away out of fear by mere teasing intrigues him.
“Jackson’s a real weakling that’s why he tends to pick on younger kids because he knows he’s nothing but a big loser.”
“You’re cool!” Jimin said. He looked down on his wound and tried to cover it with his hands.
“Come with me.” The boy said, grabbing his wrist and dragging him out of the playground.
“Mama said I shouldn't go with strangers.” Jimin said in a pout but this young boy saved him from those bullies, maybe he’s not a bad guy.
“I’m not a stranger, I’m Min Yoongi.” the boy grins while stopping at one huge oak tree. “What’s your name?”
“Park Jimin,” he pouts while furrowing his brows, “What are we doing here?”
Yoongi— the black-haired boy, gently lifts his chin up and Jimin can’t help but to form an ‘O’ in his mouth. Above the huge tree, there’s a little treehouse. Jimin doesn’t know about this even though he’s playing in the park almost everyday.
“Is that yours?” He exclaims excitedly. It’s his first time to see a ‘floating house’— as he calls it— in person. He only sees them in movies or in storybooks that his mother reads for him.
“Let me help you climb.” Yoongi offers and lifts Jimin so he could climb without hassle. The inside is nothing grand, it’s like a casual hang-out for a little boy like Yoongi. The house was also clean and organized.
“How did they allow you to make this treehouse?” Jimin curiously asked because they are just a few meters away from the playground which is a public place.
“We own this land. Look, that’s my house.” Yoongi points out a huge house a few steps away from where they are. Ohh, he’s rich. “Come here.” The boy held his hand and made him sit in one of the bean bags. He pulls out a first aid kit in one of the cabinets and Yoongi sits beside him.
“Please, no alcohol.” Jimin said when he saw Yoongi holding a cotton ball.
The young boy grins, “Scaredy cat, aren’t we?”
Jimin pouts, “You’re the one who looks like a cat here!”
“I don’t look like a cat, Jimin-ssi.” Yoongi hissed and Jimin giggled.
“You just hissed at me!” the small house filled with laughter from both of them. Jimin didn’t expect that a day in the playground would lead him to meet an unexpected friend.
Jimin was 9 when he met a black-haired young boy with cat-like eyes, a soft smooth white skin, and the owner of a cute gummy smile. Jimin was 9 when he met Min Yoongi.
♡
Jimin is in his senior year of being a high schooler while Yoongi is already a 2nd-year music major college student. They grew fond of each other and instantly became an inseparable duo. They enroll in the same schools, hang out every chance they get, and everyone knows something is going on between them. Jimin knows it as well, the way his hyung cared for him, got jealous when Jimin went on a date once, it’s no longer being an overprotective hyung. There’s something more based on his hyung’s actions towards him.
Today is Jimin’s graduation practice. Ever since Yoongi transferred to the university near his school, their meetups don’t last that long anymore. They’re slowly becoming an adult but they both swore that nothing would change between them. They have a day where they would spend it together in exchange for those days where they are so busy in school to even meet each other. They called it “mini mini day”, a thing from their childhood that they wouldn’t let go of.
“Let’s just ditch the practice.” said Taehyung, one of his best friends. They are currently waiting in the field for their names to be called on stage for the practice. They will graduate next week and Jimin can’t help but to feel excited. He passed the university where his Yoongi hyung is studying so they would be schoolmates again.
Jungkook yawns, “this is boring as fuck. Let’s go to your house.” He suggested while pointing to Taehyung. Jimin giggles at them.
“I’ll go to Yoongi hyung after this.” He said which makes the two snorts. This is their reaction every time Jimin would say that he will meet his hyung and it would lead to endless teasing and questions.
“Woah, I admire the dedication in your ‘friendship’ right, Jungkook?” Taehyung teases emphasizing the word friendship. Jimin rolls his eyes.
“Let him, Tae. We don’t know if they are officially together or still friends.” Jungkook grins.
“Guys, Yoongi hyung and I are childhood best friends.”
“But you like him.” Taehyung said as a matter of fact. Jimin didn’t answer. It’s not like Taehyung is wrong, he’s actually in love with Yoongi hyung. He didn’t know when it started, he just found himself falling whenever he looked into Yoongi’s eyes. He would describe it as a clichè type of feeling, the slow-motion when his eyes locked with him, the butterflies in his stomach, and his cheeks being in a deep shade of pink when Yoongi compliments him, that’s when he knew that Yoongi is more than just a best friend to him.
The bell rings indicating that they are already done for today, he picks his bag and instantly runs outside leaving his two best friends behind. It’s been 3 days since he last saw Yoongi so he didn’t waste any second going to their place, the treehouse.
Their old treehouse is too small for them anymore so they created another one with much bigger space for the two of them. He climbs effortlessly and he was welcomed by his hyung’s smile.
“I missed you, oh my gosh.” Jimin said, enveloping Yoongi in a tight hug.
The older laughs, “I missed you too, Jiminie.” Jimin settled on one of the bean bags and told Yoongi about his day. The older listened to every story he told, making funny remarks on some parts of the story where the three of them makes dumb decisions.
“How’s college, hyung?” He asked after he munched the burger.
“It’s stressful but I love what I’m doing.” Yoongi shortly replied.
Jimin hums, “I really can’t separate you with music, isn’t it?”
Yoongi smiles, showing his cute gummy smile. “No one can. It’s literally my life.” Yoongi clicks his tongue and stands up, “let’s go.”
“Where are we going?” Jimin questions. He took a big bite off his burger before following his hyung. They got out of the treehouse and went directly to the older’s house. Jimin had lost count of how many times he stayed over here. It also became his second home when his parents were out of town.
“I bought a piano.” Yoongi spoke as soon as they reached the living room. The piano was stunning, Jimin went to touch some keys and it amazes him when he sees how perfectly detailed the instrument is.
“Hyung, this is huge and beautiful.” said Jimin, mouth agape.
“Sit, I'll teach you how to play it.” Yoongi instructs and Jimin enthusiastically sits. He’s like a puppy waiting for his masters to offer some treats after executing a trick.
“This one is my favorite; Beethoven’s Ode to Joy. It’s so easy to learn.” Yoongi said while playing the keys. Jimin can’t help but be mesmerized by the older’s beauty.
Yoongi is born for music and Jimin loves that. Once he holds an instrument, Jimin knows his hyung is already in his own world, created by the tune and melody of the music. Witnessing Yoongi playing and being lost in the trance of the soft lullabies is such an honor for Jimin. He wouldn’t trade it for anything in this world, if he can gatekeep this view, he will. He feels like watching Yoongi in his element is just for his eyes. Jimin was 17 when he named the feeling he has for Yoongi, something deeper than love itself.
“You’re not listening.” Yoongi snorts which makes Jimin laugh.
“I’m listening!” the younger pouts and Yoongi can’t resist not pinching his cheeks. “Ouchie, hyungie.”
“Come on, it’s just easy.” Jimin’s heart was hammering in his chest as soon as Yoongi’s fingers touched his small one. The rough and big hands of his hyung gave a tingling sensation as it guided him playing the keys of the piano.
With their fingers interlocked, they created a beautiful rhythm that only the two of them knew. Jimin might not hear it but he’s certain that Yoongi’s heartbeat is in sync with him, waiting for the right time to finally get it out of their chest and make it pass their lips.
♡
“Congratulations!” Yoongi cheered as he popped the champagne bottle that he stole into his father’s corkboard. Today is Jimin’s graduation day and Yoongi’s first day of vacation. Instead of spending it with Jimin’s family, he decided to spend it with Yoongi. A little celebration inside their own safe space.
They bought their favorite fried chicken paired with an expensive champagne— courtesy of Yoongi’s dad— and the stories they brought with them in reparations for days they haven't been able to see each other.
“We should’ve brought a speaker to boost our mood.” Jimin suggested when the laughter died down and the place went silent.
“You could sing for me.” Yoongi said innocently. This gives Jimin a bright idea, he immediately searches for a marker in his bag and a piece of white paper. “What are you doing?” Yoongi asks when he sees the younger being so busy drawing stuff on the blank paper.
“Sshh be quiet.” Jimin scolds and Yoongi acts like he zips his mouth.
“There it is!” Jimin exclaims and gives Yoongi the paper.
The older looks at him curiously, “what is it?”
“It’s an improvised piano, duh!” He said while explaining the keys to the older. “Since you want me to sing for you then you should play it for me in exchange.” Jimin said, grinning proudly at his creation. The younger knows how much Yoongi loves the piano, it’s the instrument he can associate with the older.
Yoongi giggles and immediately does what the younger says. He pretends to play it like the sound would magically fill their ears. Jimin hums their favorite song, whenever he sings for Yoongi, he feels like their souls are connected— that no one would dare to interfere with them because they are speaking their own language.
“Your voice is too stunning not to share them with the world.” Yoongi said after Jimin sang the last note.
They’ve talked about this once when Yoongi accidentally heard him sing, he urged Jimin to audition to different entertainment agencies but Jimin doesn’t want fame, he just wants to sing for Yoongi.
“Nah, I prefer this.” Jimin speaks. “I should be saying this to you instead. Your songs are too stunning to let other idols sing them.” Yoongi chuckles.
“I’m not made for the spotlight unlike you.”
They fell into a comfortable silence, with Jimin silently humming random melodies. They always shared their moments with this. One second, they are a giggly mess and then the next second, all they can hear is silence.
“Jiminie…” Yoongi calls.
“Hmm?”
“I like you.” Yoongi mumbles in a soft voice and Jimin almost didn’t hear it.
“W—what?” he stutters, his heart beating rapidly.
Yoongi hides his face in one of the bean bags, “I said I like you.”
Jimin giggles, reaching out for Yoongi’s face. The older’s cheeks are in a deep shade of pink and Jimin finds it adorable.
“I like you too..” Jimin whispered, “so much, hyung.”
They stared at each other, can’t seem to find words to describe how they are feeling right now. Yoongi held Jimin’s hand and brought it to his lips, planting a soft kiss on the younger’s delicate skin. If there’s one thing to describe the two of them it would be tomato, they are blushing profusely that would put the color red in shame.
Jimin closes his eyes when the older leans in for a soft kiss. It was a slow, sweet and passionate kiss but it somehow made them breathless and panting for air. Jimin is a hopeless romantic, he had read tons of novels about different types of love and he imagined if he’s in that situation, but now that he got a taste of Yoongi’s lips, he realized writers didn’t do justice to the feeling of kissing the one you love. It’s more than just butterflies in his stomach or a twirling sensation, it’s beyond magical.
They ended up cuddling uncomfortably on the bean bags. They didn’t talk about it after, they didn't have to. Because for Jimin, knowing that the older feels the same way as him is more than enough, beating the same rhythm as Yoongi’s heartbeat is something Jimin couldn’t imagine happening in real life.
♡
“Would I look good in black hair though?” Jimin wonders. Yoongi’s parents are out of town due to their business so Jimin is here to stay for the night.
Yoongi stops playing the piano to look at him, “Every color would look good on you.” he smiles sweetly.
Jimin rolls his eyes to stop himself from smiling, “Hyung~” He pouts, “I’m being serious. I think black is the only hair color I haven’t tried yet.”
Yoongi chuckles, “You should be worried about your scalp rather than the best hair color then.”
Jimin giggles and continues to mix the blackening shampoo. Yoongi resumed playing the piano. After their confession, they didn’t specify what they are or are they already boyfriends. They like each other but Yoongi didn’t specifically ask him to be his boyfriend, Jimin is scared to ask either.
Jimin finishes dye-ing his hair and he’s currently blow-drying some parts when he feels a warm hand enveloping him into a tight hug.
“You smell nice…” Yoongi whispers, trailing his shoulder with soft kisses.
“That tickles.” Jimin giggles while putting down the blower and facing Yoongi. It’s one of Jimin’s favorite gestures of the older, when Yoongi randomly hugs him and Jimin could freely look at Yoongi’s soft features.
“I love you,” Yoongi said lovingly, which almost made Jimin’s knees tremble. Hearing those words from the older’s mouth sent shivers down his spine.
“I love you too, hyung.” Jimin puts his hands on Yoongi’s neck while they sway slowly without music, only the beats of their heart.
“I love you like a piano.” Yoongi mumbles and Jimin furrows his brows.
“What do you mean by that?”
“Piano is my life, among all those instruments I felt the connection to that one.” Yoongi explains, closing his eyes while resting his chin on Jimin’s shoulder. “That’s my whole childhood and so are you.”
“That’s so…” Jimin breathes, “that’s so deep.” He speaks softly. Jimin knows how the older loves the piano more than any other instrument so hearing the older associate him with the thing he loves the most makes his heart thump like crazy.
“Let’s stay like this.” Yoongi said in his low and deep voice.
Jimin hums, “like this close or…” he stops and thinks for a second, “like this set-up? ” he bravely asked.
Jimin could hear the uneven breathing of the older, it’s like he’s struggling to formulate words to answer him.
“Jiminie…” Yoongi sighs, “we’re going to make it official once we’re ready, okay?”
“I’m ready. Hyung, I'm not a kid anymore.” Jimin pouts, he doesn’t understand why he has to wait when they’re already doing what lovers do.
“But I'm not.” Yoongi looks at him intently, “Jiminie, I have yet to prove myself to my family and to you.”
“I understand…” Jimin speaks, “as long as I have the assurance that you’re mine.”
Yoongi warmly smiles and it feels like home for Jimin, “I’m always yours.”
♡
When Jimin agrees to this unlabeled relationship with Yoongi, he knows it would be rocky as hell. Years later, Yoongi graduated with flying colors and Jimin is in his third year of college. The older got recognized by big companies because of his producing skills but Jimin is certain that he would choose to work here in their town, where they spent their entire childhood. Jimin is here so Yoongi should stay.
But he was wrong.
He’s so confident when it comes to Yoongi, he brags how he knows the older more than anyone in this world but he was all wrong. He doesn't realize that Yoongi starts to dream big, much bigger than the town that they’re living in.
“How come you decided without me knowing?” Jimin asked, annoyance etched in his voice.
“What do you want me to do? Reject the offer?” Yoongi reasons, messing his hair frustratingly.
“As you fucking should? That’s Seoul and not just a town nearby, Yoongi.”
“You told me to dream big…” Yoongi trails and Jimin can’t find the right words to say. It’s true though, he was the one who urged Yoongi to dream big, to dream more. “But why are you the first one who wants to cut my wings to prevent me from flying?”
Jimin realized that he just wants Yoongi to achieve more when things are in his favor, when Yoongi wouldn’t leave him.
“I’m just saying that you should’ve asked for my opinion first. This is not something you could decide on your own.”
Yoongi stood up on his seat, “Are you implying that I can’t decide on my own?”
“I was just saying that you could find a job here. You don’t have to go to Seoul!” Jimin rolls his eyes.
“But it’s not the fucking same! The opportunity I would get here would be nothing compared to the opportunity Seoul offers.” Yoongi rolled up his sleeves and leaned on the piano. He can’t believe he’s hearing such things from Jimin.
“What about me? Seoul is too far from here.” Jimin sighs, tears threatening to fall. He can’t imagine being separated from Yoongi. All his life, he spent it with the older and now that Yoongi would leave their town for music, he feels like he’s being left behind.
Jimin sits behind Jimin and lifts his chin up, “baby, I will come home every week or every two weeks.”
Jimin knows the older is just saying these things so he won’t be sad and force him to stay, he knows how far Seoul is and he doubts Yoongi would actually do what he says.
“It doesn’t give me the assurance I want.”
Yoongi frowns, “what do you want?”
“A relationship.”
The air was filled with deafening silence. Jimin used to love the comfortable silence that falls whenever they’re together but he’s hating it now. Yoongi’s lack of response made sense to him.
“Jiminie…” Yoongi calls, gripping his hand tighter.
Jimin sadly smiles, “You’re still not ready, even after you graduate. It’s okay, I understand.” He breathes, “I should understand.”
Jimin is hurting but what hurts the most is the fact that Yoongi— after all these years— is still not willing to commit to a relationship. Jimin often thinks that maybe, just maybe, he’s not enough for Yoongi to take the risk because he’s afraid too. He has witnessed different relationships being ruined and hearts that have been broken because of love but he couldn’t care less because he loves Yoongi so much, too much.
Yoongi heaves a loud sigh, “I’m sorry…”
Jimin lowered his gaze, unable to meet the older’s brown orbs, “this is the reason why I want a label. I don’t have any right to tell you what to do or even become part of your plans.”
“And this is also the reason why I don’t want a relationship in the first place.” Jimin bit his tongue to prevent his tears from falling. “I don’t want someone to stop me from becoming big.”
Jimin nods, “okay.” he said in a whisper. Yoongi reached out to him but Jimin dodged. He wipes his tears and plastered a fake smile, “Take care, then.”
He picks up his things and walks away faster than he could imagine. He didn’t even spare Yoongi a glance. He didn’t look back even though he could hear his name being called. If he looks back, he’ll just beg for the older to stay and that’s something he doesn’t want.
Yoongi tried calling him nonstop but he’s too hurt to answer. He spends his energy crying like a baby. He didn’t realize that he fell asleep while crying, he just woke up with tons of missed calls from him.
Please talk to me
Jiminie, don’t do this. This is for our own good too.
Please, I don’t want to leave with a heavy heart.
I’ll come back for you, okay? I love you.
He ignores the texts and Jimin throws his phone in his bed after he calls Taehyung to come. He needs his best friend before making dumb decisions. And when there’s tea, there is Kim Taehyung ready to listen at any time of the day. Jimin deadly stares at Jungkook who’s eating his stocks of nuggets.
“I only call Taehyung…” He monotonously said.
“We’re literally tied together, of course I had to be here.” Jungkook said, rolling his eyes.
Jimin sighs and turns to Taehyung, “I know you have to say something, go say it.” If there’s one person who knows everything, it would be his platonic soulmate— Taehyung.
Taehyung clicks his tongue, “I already told you that an unlabeled relationship is good for nothing.”
Jimin pouts, “I know but that’s Yoongi hyung. I know him.”
“Well I guess, you don’t know him enough.” Jungkook butts in which Jimin gives him a death glare. “What? I’m just stating facts.”
“Jimin, what we are saying is that you won’t get anything from an unlabeled relationship. It’s literally for those who want to play safe.” Taehyung let out a loud sigh.
“So true. It’s for those people who are scared to commit yet they want to flirt. The unlabeled relationship would leave you broken to the core.” Jungkook said and they both stared at him suspiciously.
“Wanna say something, kook?”
“Bitches, this ain’t about me.” He diverts his attention to the nuggets, “Anyways Jimin, what are you going to do with it? It’s not like you can stop him from achieving his dreams.”
As much as Jimin hates it, he has to admit that Jungkook is right. Once Yoongi set his goals, no one could stop him from achieving them.
“I can't even get jealous once he’s there and meets other people.” He sighs, it’s one of his worries. He’s not the boyfriend so he really doesn't have the right to get mad at anything.
“Who said you’re not allowed to be mad or get jealous? You can!” Taehyung exclaims, “You have feelings for him and Yoongi hyung knows it, you have a mutual understanding so your feelings are valid.”
This is why Jimin can’t function without his friends. They really save his ass whenever he needs them even though all he talks about is his Yoongi hyung.
Jimin didn’t go to their usual spot for the following days. He just locked himself in his room, he’s scared to face Yoongi knowing the older would leave soon.
He regrets doing that. He regrets being so immature not to face Yoongi because the next thing he knew, Yoongi already left.
Yoongi left his piano, he wouldn't be able to bring it either. It would be just excess baggage, a thing that would hinder his success. That’s Jimin for him. Yoongi associated Jimin with his piano, a childhood dream, his first love. Jimin loves it so much because it’s such an honor to be as important as the instrument in an artist's life, but Jimin failed to realize that he is the piano, the childhood dream and Yoongi already outgrow this small town, they’re no longer kids anymore.
Jimin was 20 when his beloved left him, leaving him with a broken heart because the older hadn't realized that he just didn’t take his important things with him to Seoul, he took the biggest part of Jimin’s heart with him.
♡
Yoongi kept his promise, he came home once every two weeks. His first visit was awkward, nobody wanted to talk. They’re just sitting side by side inside their place, the treehouse.
“How are you?” Yoongi is the one who broke the silence.
It took Jimin a few seconds to answer, “I’m fine..” he breathes, “I supposed.”
“Jiminie…” Yoongi said in a hoarse voice, Jimin felt guilty. The older seems tired and worn out yet here he is, trying to strike a conversation with him.
“How’s Seoul? Your work there?” Jimin changes the topic. As much as possible, he wants to avoid talking about their problems.
“It’s doing great. I found an apartment that’s just near my work so it’s pretty convenient.” Jimin nodded and the silence took over again, only this time, it wasn’t a comfortable kind of silence.
“I missed you.” said Yoongi. Jimin lets out a loud sigh before he meets Yoongi’s gaze and he hugs him tight. It’s probably the tightest hug Jimin did to Yoongi as his tears keep on falling.
“I’m sorry, hyung…” He mumbles.
“It’s okay, I understand.” Yoongi comforts as he draws circles on the younger's back.
Yoongi didn’t stay that long, he came back after a day, it’s too short for them but Jimin should be thankful that Yoongi is coming home to him despite the busy schedule that the older has. This gives him the motivation to study harder and graduate fast so he could go to Seoul and work with his Yoongi. They didn’t have much time to text each other because Yoongi said his work is demanding and he barely gets any sleep so Jimin understands. The last text Jimin received from him was when the older told him he’s learning acoustic guitar.
Jimin waited patiently every two weeks because that just means that Yoongi would be home to him and he could cuddle him until the older leaves again.
Jimin waited patiently until Yoongi stopped coming home.
“Still no luck?” Taehyung asked him when he saw him one time waiting for Yoongi’s text.
“He’s busy.” He reasons although he’s having doubts himself.
“It only took a few seconds to text someone and tell them they’re gonna be busy.” Taehyung sits in the space beside him. “Min, you’re stressing yourself over Yoongi hyung. You have finals to think of.” his best friend worriedly said.
The bags under his eyes are evidence that he’s losing sleep trying to reach out to Yoongi. Jimin sighs and puts down his phone.
“I should expect this to happen soon, right.”
“I just wanna say that don’t let your world revolve around Yoongi.”
“How am I supposed to do that when he has been with me all my life?” Jimin reasons. As much as he doesn’t want his world to revolve around Yoongi, he doesn’t know how. Yoongi plays a big part in who he is right now. He is not Jimin without his Yoongi.
“Take this as a hint. He ghosted you while you’re here grasping on the little hope that he will come back just because he loves you.”
“More than friends, less than lovers set-up,” Jimin chuckles, an empty one. “I guess this is the consequence that I have to pay, to wait without assurance.”
Taehyung gently taps his shoulder, a gesture that the younger only does when he doesn’t know what to say yet he wants to let someone know that he’s willing to listen.
Jimin doesn’t know if he should expect anything from Yoongi at this point. This is already affecting his studies and he can’t let himself dwell on this too much or else he’ll fail and that‘s the last thing he wants.
He expected Yoongi to at least come to his graduation ceremony. Even just a split second, Jimin would be happy and forget all the waiting he had to endure but no one came. It’s just him, his family and friends. Jimin can’t even muster a smile when they’re taking pictures, he just wanna be alone and cry.
Jimin was 22 when he first came to Seoul, such a big city and he doesn’t know where to go. He doesn’t even know which part of the city is his hyung. He just knows that Yoongi is working in a well-known entertainment agency in Seoul.
“Excuse me, is Min Yoongi working here?” Jimin asked the receptionist. It’s the 3rd entertainment agency he went to since he came here and he’s getting tired and running out of money too. He didn‘t expect bus fares to be so expensive here.
“I’m sorry, sir. We don’t have any Min Yoongi here.” Jimin's smile fades and so does his hope too. He said thank you before leaving.
He counts his money and he sighs when he sees that he can’t afford a room for tonight. If bus fares are expensive, what more is a hotel room?
“Excuse me,” A stranger with an unexplainable heart smile approached him. “I overheard you’re looking for Min Yoongi?”
Jimin was hesitant to answer, he knew how cunning the city people were once they saw a newbie. They’re like a predator waiting for its prey, that’s what Yoongi taught him.
The stranger might see the hesitation in him that’s why he pulls out his ID, “I’m sorry I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Jung Hoseok and I know Min Yoongi.”
Jimin reads the ID of the stranger and it says that he’s working on Hybe in Yongsan. Jimin gave his ID back.
“I’m sorry but Yoongi hyung taught me not to trust strangers easily.” He politely said.
The stranger nods and pulls out his phone, “wait let me show you a proof.” he said and seconds later, he shows him a picture of Yoongi holding a guitar.
Jimin almost didn’t recognize his hyung at all, Yoongi became broader than the last time he saw him. The stranger showed another picture and he saw their selca together. His Yoongi smiling widely at the camera, the smile he misses the most.
“C-can you tell me where he is?” He almost pleads to the stranger in front of him.
Jung Hoseok nods, “That’s where I’m heading to.” Jimin sighs in relief.
Hoseok asked him questions when they’re on their way. Jimin didn't feel uncomfortable with the stranger’s presence, he thinks it’s his nature. Jimin is curious how Yoongi becomes friends with him when the older doesn't like loud people around. Maybe his preferences change over time, Jimin concludes, which brought a slight ache in his heart. Change, the main reason why they are in this situation— is because Yoongi changed.
They stop in front of the building. Jimin looks at the apartment in front of him, his heart is hammering in his chest. He’s nervous, he doesn’t know what to expect.
“Yoongi hyung didn’t tell me he’s expecting a visitor.” Hoseok said when they’re on the elevator.
“I plan to surprise him.” He softly said.
They stopped in the apartment room 229 and Hoseok didn’t even knock before he opened the door. Jimin thinks he’s always here to be comfortable enough to storm inside. Jimin’s purpose in going to Seoul and finding Yoongi is because he wants to surprise him but he didn’t expect to be the one being surprised.
His smile faded when he saw Yoongi giggling and blushing profusely with another man. They have their back on them but Jimin is certain that the man is his Yoongi.
“How many times do I have to come here and see you being all mushy and in love?” Hosek whines which startle the two of them.
Yoongi’s eyes landed on him and it seems like the older saw a ghost by how pale his lips are.
“Oh by the way, Hyung, you have a visitor.” Hoseok laughs. “Jimin-ssi, I think you haven’t met him since Yoongi hasn’t come home in your town but that’s Namjoon, Yoongi’s boyfriend.”
Jimin felt a sharp pain on his chest when the man beside him smiled widely at him showing his deep dimples, “Hello Jimin-ssi! It’s nice to meet you.” He turns around to face Yoongi, who is looking at Jimin right now. “ Love , you didn’t tell me you’re expecting a visitor.”
“I’m just gonna talk to h—him outside, love.” Yoongi left a soft peck on Namjoon’s cheeks before he excuses himself to go outside. He follows Yoongi and they end up on the rooftop.
The cold breeze welcomes Jimin as soon as Yoongi opens the door but nothing could surpass the coldness that he’s feeling in his heart. His stare remains on Yoongi’s back as the older leans on the railings.
“What are you doing h—here?”
Jimin didn’t answer, he remained standing and staring deeply into Yoongi’s eyes. When the intensity of the stare became too much, Jimin sighs.
“Aren’t you glad to meet me, Yoongi hyung?” These words are like poison to Jimin’s tongue.
“Jiminie…” Yoongi calls but Jimin avert his gaze, he can’t bare to look at him. Not when he calls another man love right in front of him.
“Seems like you’re doing great here,” Jimin chuckles lightly, “that’s why you haven’t come home anymore.”
“I’m sorr—”
“Until when I’m going to accept your apology, Yoongi?” Jimin cuts him off, preventing his tears from falling. “You’re busy, that's why you haven’t replied, accepted. You’re busy, that's why you haven’t come home to me, apology accepted. Are you going to say sorry too because I saw you with another man?” No matter how hard he tries to stop, his tears are traitors.
Yoongi’s gaze is fixed on the ground and it annoys Jimin. “Look at me.” he commands.
“I said fucking look at me!” Jimin can’t help but raise his voice, something that he never did to Yoongi. “You’re so brave to look at me directly in my eyes when you told me you love me, why can’t you meet them now?!” Jimin cries.
“Jiminie, I’m sorry..” guilt is written all over Yoongi’s face.
“Hyung, you said you’re not yet ready for a relationship. Why do you have a boyfriend now?”
“I fell in love with him, Jimin.” Yoongi breathes, “there’s something in him that makes me want to commit to a relationship with him.”
Jimin’s legs gave up supporting his weight and he slumped on the ground while tears streamed down his face.
“You spent 13 years with me yet it never crossed your mind to have a relationship. How is he different when you just met him for roughly 2 years?!” Jimin waited for an answer yet it never came. Yoongi remains quiet.
“You didn’t even have the guts to tell it right to my face…” He trails, remembering all those months he waited for nothing. “You let me wait and hope that you’ll come back for me.”
“I’m sorry…”
“You promised that you’ll always be mine.” Jimin sniffs, his chest is tightening by the pain he’s feeling right now. “Or have you ever been mine?”
“I loved you, Jimin. Trust me I have loved you.” Yoongi protests.
“But it’s not enough for you to risk a relationship with me.” Jimin continues.
“You are my childhood dream, Jiminie.” Yoongi speaks in a low voice.
“But not your future.”
“I thought you would be.” Yoongi confessed. “Until I met Namjoon.”
Jimin clenches his fist, he wants to hurt Yoongi. Oh God knows how he wants to shout and hurt Yoongi for lying to him, but he can’t. His love overpowers his hatred.
“You know Yoongi hyung, if you just told me that you found someone else, I might forgive you. Sure, there would be pain...” Jimin stops. “... but it’s better than being led on.” He wipes his tears and stands up despite his trembling knees.
“Jiminie…”
“I’ve heard enough, Min Yoongi.” He turns around, ready to walk away. “I’m just glad that you’re okay because that’s the reason why I came here to find you.”
Yoongi speaks before he can even take a step, “You gave me butterflies and I thought that’s normal because I like you. Until I met Namjoon. He doesn’t give me butterflies, he rather makes me feel calm and safe.” Yoongi clicks his tongue, “That’s when I realized that I shouldn’t choose the one who makes me nervous.”
Jimin took a last glance before he quickly went downstairs. Yoongi had seen him weep but he would never beg for love. He experienced hell for those months he’s waiting, walking away to Yoongi would be nothing.
He wandered around Seoul, a city that’s unfamiliar to him. He continues to walk until he can’t feel his feet and his eyes get tired from crying. In between the busy streets, flashing lights, and noises of this city, Jimin feels alone. Jimin was 22 when he lost the only man he wanted since he was a kid.
♡
"I love his smile the most," said Jimin who was busy looking at Yoongi.
"You said that a hundred times already." Taehyung said as he looked in the same direction as Jimin.
"That's my favorite part of him." Jimin breathes, "I'm happy I got to witness that smile again on his wedding day." His voice died down by the sound of their ‘I do’
They’re here in Seoul to witness Yoongi and Namjoon’s wedding, exactly 4 years after Jimin last saw him. He cut his communication to Yoongi but Hoseok reached out to him to let him know that Yoongi is getting married and he could come if he wants. It seems like Yoongi didn’t tell them what happened on the rooftop or their connection at all. They keep their distance because he told Hoseok that he can’t come but he can’t bear not to witness this special day for his childhood best friend.
“Namjoon, I take you to be my husband,” Yoongi starts and bittersweet memories fill Jimin’s mind.
“Hyung, would I look good in black hair once we get married?” Jimin asked while looking at his reflection.
Yoongi went beside him and chuckled, “I told you any color would look good on you.”
“But I want a champagne-themed garden wedding…” Jimin pouts, “I wonder if black hair would look good on that.”
“To answer your question, yes.” Yoongi hugs him from behind which makes him blush. “And yes, we would do a champagne themed wedding, right baby?”
“To have and to hold from this day forward,”
“Why does my hand look so small?” Jimin pouts when he compares his hand size with Yoongi.
Yoongi interlocked their fingers, “because they are made for me.”
“For better or for worse, for richer or poorer,”
“Your song sounds amazing..” Jimin cheered as soon as he took off Yoongi’s headphones.
“You’re the singer, of course it would be amazing.” Yoongi kisses his nose. “The song was made perfectly for you.”
“In sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, to love and to cherish“
They swayed their body with only the music in their head. The moon is in its full shape and they can’t help but to dance under its moonlight.
“I love you.” Jimin whispers while looking directly at Yoongi’s eyes.
“I love you more, my piano.”
“And to be faithful to you alone, as long as we both shall live.”
“Promise me you’ll come back..” Jimin sniffs as he looks at Yoongi.
Yoongi smiles and nods, “you know i’ll always come back to you.”
“I know.”
Jimin wipes his tears and turns around before the judge announces the most awaited part of the ceremony; the declaration of them being husbands and the kiss. It’s been years and he trained himself not to cry at the mention of Yoongi’s name.
He doesn’t know who to curse; Yoongi for not loving him the way he loves him or fate for not being kind enough for them and ending their story before it even started.
Jimin walks away from the venue. For everyone, he was just Yoongi's first love, a trial and error, and a gateway to meet someone better. For everyone, he was just Yoongi's forgotten love but for Jimin, he was once Yoongi's world.
Jimin is Yoongi’s piano. His childhood, his comfort zone, and his first love but Namjoon is Yoongi’s guitar. The present, the future and the greatest love. Yoongi left his comfort zone to grow and that’s how he met the calmness of the guitar, with each strum that can make sweet lullabies, he fell in love. He fell in love leaving the forgotten piano in his hometown, the once most favorite instrument is now covered in white sheets and full of dust.
Jimin smiled bitterly, "If only first loves are meant to last."