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Apollo liked looking at Klavier.
The man was… aesthetically pleasing but it wasn’t that.
It shocked him the first time, how much he looked like his brother. At the time Apollo wasn’t sure how to feel about it, not so long ago he had just sent his boss to jail for murder.
Apollo was impressionable. Used to be, at least. He noticed how easily Kristoph Gavin had played him. How easy Apollo had been able to send him to jail. How easy Apollo had it in him to switch ideals. He was bendable, and easily influenced— He liked to think it was his naivety, he hated to admit that it was caused by his own longing.
Anyways, he was trying to fix that after working with Mr. Wright. It nudged him sometimes, how maybe his loyalty towards him was caused by his malleability, but he felt it in his bones, loyalty this time was caused by comfort. By the lack of tightness on his wrist. By the genuine smile that was there more often than his nervous one.
He liked looking at Klavier, but he hated seeing him like this.
He had taken out his shoes by the door when he noticed the uncharacteristic silence reigning in the prosecutor’s apartment. More often than not a vinyl was always playing, of anything, more like an afterthought than an actual symphonic stimulation. Other days it was the blond playing his electric guitar, practicing in case he needed it, and on the days he was truly excited about something it was a prickling of the acoustic one, as if he could expel his excitement through the tip of his fingers.
So the silence made him alert, silence could not be good.
Apollo quickly made his way towards the main bedroom, finding it empty. Although the silence was killing him, he did not dare to shatter it. In the same manner one stops and listens to a nightingale so as to not scare him Apollo did the same, stopping in his tracks and focusing on the silence, trying to find the loud musician that was making no sound at all.
In the end it was another sense that caught his eye. From the bottom of the bathroom door there was a light peeking through. Slowly, Apollo avoided furniture and clothes scattered around the floor until his hand met the handle. He took a breath.
“Klav?” He whispered, still entranced in the silence, hesitating to break it.
There was no answer at all.
“Klav, I’m coming in.” Silence once again. Apollo turned the handle and slowly opened the door.
The first thing he noticed was a blond lock of hair on the floor. It took him a second to realize what it was. His eyes quickly traveled up and his gaze was met with the back of his boyfriend. He was hunched over the sink, Apollo could see through the reflection of the glass before him how he had his chin against his chest, attempting to hide his face.
Apollo's heart sank when he saw the red interrupting the Mauve of the shirt Klavier was wearing.
“Shit— Klavier are you okay?” Apollo asked, rushing to check why the prosecutor was bleeding. Klavier didn’t move an inch on his own. His arm turned limp as Apollo took his hand in his own, and with no words he continued with the agonizing silence that was about to drown Apollo soon.
The defense attorney rolled up the now red sleeve of the prosecutor and looked for the bleeding wound, only to find it on his palm. Right between his thumb and his index was a cut that seemed to bleed more than it hurt, judging by the numb expression on Klavier’s face.
Realizing Klavier was not planning to do anything about it, Apollo turned the faucet on to clean some of the blood. When he was done he kneeled and opened the counter under the sink to find their first aid kit.
Klavier's first sound of the day was a hiss as the alcohol touched his skin. Apollo cringed when he realized the wound would be a difficult one to heal as it was likely to open every time the blond moved his thumb. He quickly worked the bandages around the knuckles. The second he let go of the hand it dropped, propelled by gravity.
His eyes moved back up, for the first time properly seeing Klavier’s face. He was so worried about the wound that he didn’t notice his sleeve wasn’t the only part soaked with blood. Right next to his left temple there was a bloody blond bang cut at an unflattering angle. Now that he looked with more attention, his boyfriend's hair was a mess . The right half of his hair was as always, if not a bit messy, while the left side was disarranged and each lock of hair was cut at a different length.
Apollo's attention was caught by the scissors tightly gripped by the un-cut right hand of the prosecutor, and he was finally able to pierce the puzzle together.
“Klavier…” Apollo whispered, bringing his hand up to caress the prosecutor's cheek.
“It was an accident.” Klavier coarsely whispered back. He closed his eyes painfully as Apollo’s thumb touched the skin under his eye. “It really was an accident I—”
“I know. I know , it’s okay.” Apollo's words made the other go back to silence. They stood there a minute, Apollo stroking the soft skin and Klavier focusing on the calloused thumb texture.
Apollo looked at the disassembled appearance of the blond. Whatever Klavier had tried to do with his hair was clearly done in a rush. Apollo knew him. He saw him every night applying cream to his face, oil to his hair, brushing and braiding before going to bed. There was a specifically horrific cut on one of his bangs that made it spike up slightly, the one next to it seemed like it took more than one slice to cut, forming a weird V shape. The one that clearly stood out the most was the one that had probably caused the wound, soaked in blood, seemed like the scissors had slashed more than just hair.
“I got fed up with it.” Klavier grumbled accompanied by a painful frown. “I couldn’t take it anymore— I don’t even remember picking up the… and then I accidentally cut my hand and I stopped but— I can’t Apollo, I just— I don’t know how to deal with—” As if the air left him the blond didn’t finish the sentence.
“Deal with what?” Apollo asked softly, as to not scare the blond back into silence.
Klavier lips trembled with the intention to say something but stayed silent and shook his head.
“Klav—”
“No… please—” His voice broke. “Don’t make me say… I can’t say it—” The words came out as a sob and it broke Apollo’s heart. Klavier nudged the hand on his face as if the constant motion was the only thing giving him strength. Apollo desperately wanted to make his boyfriend feel better, but he knew he had to make him speak. These moments were rare between the Prosecutor and anyone. He knew Klavier, and he knew he trusted him, but there was a part of the blond that was always a performance, an unconscious showman always running his circus. If there was a chance Apollo could share a spotlight with him to deal with a bit of the pressure, he would take it.
For just one second Apollo distanced his hand making the prosecutor whine slightly. He quickly took his bracelet and slid it off his wrist, letting it rest on the sink, before moving his hand back to where it was. The prosecutor followed the action with his eyes and a nervous shiver moved his frame.
“Please, Klavier. Talk to me.” Apollo tried again. Klavier took a shaky breath as Apollo’s other hand took hold of the other side of his face. The brunet saw the moment the walls fell around the blond, the walls he meticulously had put there to avoid certain topics that showed the parts he desperately wanted hidden.
“I…” Klavier tried to whisper, his voice betraying him as it broke. He coughed once, as if that would help his voice come back. “I just… I see him. All the time. I see him— everywhere. And I’m just— Tired, so tired…” He didn’t have to specify who he meant, Apollo knew. “I see him when I walk, I see him on every black screen, in every mirror— He looks at me and I—” Klavier closed his eyes to brace himself from the words coming out of his mouth. Apollo just knew, even without the bracelet, that it would tighten right now— Not from a lie, but from the sheer tension in the man before him, in the way each word burned his throat and sent a chill down his spine at the same time. “I’m so ashamed— Because I…” Apollo knew Klavier wanted to say the reason, but the blond shut his mouth as if his own subconscious didn’t want him to say it outloud.
“What he did… It has nothing to do with you— What you did, it’s what you had to do—”
“No.” Klavier interrupted, shaking his head. “No, it’s not that. I’m not ashamed that I share my blood with him. It’s not about what he did— It’s…” Klavier swallowed. “I love you. And I love who I am, and our friends and I love my life how it is—” He interrupted himself, making Apollo frown in confusion, losing completely the thread of thought of the blond.
Klavier raised his head slightly and blinked some of the tears that were threatening to come out.
“I love my life, and I wouldn’t change anything about it. But I… I miss my brother—” He choked on the last part, as if his words were venom. “I hate Kristoph Gavin— I despise everything that man stands for but I can’t help the fact that I miss— my brother.”
Apollo saw the tears fall the second the blond let those words free. He felt a deep ache in his heart as his boyfriend's shoulders started to tremble.
“I’m so ashamed because I know they are the same person but for me— Kris was everything I wanted to be and I miss him—” Klavier sobbed. “I don’t know how to deal with it— I don’t know how to not feel this way, and I hate that I miss a murderer, but I do and I can’t get rid of this feeling—!” The second the words were out Klavier's knees gave in, thankfully Apollo was quick to catch him and lower them both safely to the ground.
Apollo stayed quietly bracing the sobs of Klavier against his neck. He wished he knew how to help him, he could understand to a point how he felt, Kristoph Gavin had been once his mentor too, but the wound on Klavier’s heart ran way deeper than his.
“Everytime… everytime I look at myself I see him. That’s what I wanted— as a kid, to be like him. But now I don’t know how to deal with that, ‘Pollo.” Klavier whispered. The defense attorney stayed still for a minute, one of his hands brushing the messy strands of hair. He wished he knew how to get rid of that vile feeling the older Gavin brother had left on everyone he had ever met.
Apollo sighed and moved to stand up. The blond made a sound in the back of his throat in complaint that made Apollo chuckle.
“Come on, stand up.” He giggled at the grimace on Klavier’s face as he clearly didn’t want to obey. “Come on… come with me.” He extended a hand which after a second of lazy hesitation Klavier took.
Apollo was grateful neither of them had work to do today or tomorrow. They had just finished a fairly difficult case the day before, so they both decided to take the weekend off. Apollo looked at the purple sweatpants the pompous prosecutor was wearing and decided that alongside with the long sleeved shirt they would have to clean them anyways.
Klavier made a weird face as Apollo guided them both into the bathtub.
“Just— Trust me okay?” Klavier whined at the smile Apollo sent his way, knowing there was no way he could not comply with his request.
Apollo left him seated inside the tub and moved to retrieve the scissors the blond had dropped in the sink. He quickly rinsed the dried blood from the blades and rolled up the hem of his pants, although he suspected they would get wet anyways. He next hopped into the tub to join his boyfriend. He sat uncomfortably on the edge, moving Klavier so he sat between his legs, and turned the warm water on. Klavier jumped when the liquid hit his pants.
“You are going to take them off anyways, I’ll put them in the wash and change the bandages too afterwards. Just relax now.” Klavier sighed and rested his head on Apollo’s knee as he waited for the water to warm.
Once Apollo was satisfied with the temperature he moved the shower head and proceeded to wet Klavier’s hair, who moved his head back. He made sure to clean the bloody hairlock before starting with the shampoo and felt the blond relaxing as he rinsed it off. Turning the water off, he took a bunch of hair conditioner and applied it to the tips of Klavier’s hair before brushing the knots away.
Apollo had told Klavier once how he had lived for a while with a foster family that owned a hair salon. The woman who took care of him taught him the wonders of hair gel, and how to cut his own hair in case he ever ended up somewhere where no one could.
These spikes don't spike themselves, Klav.
He told Klavier once, who just laughed. Anyways, he had cut the hair of his foster brothers and sisters for years, hence the lack of panic that came from his boyfriend as he picked the scissor and began with the first cut. He tried to match the badly cut locks to the rest of the hair.
As he was cutting the fringe he stopped a second to look at Klavier. He had his eyes closed, and there was a peaceful expression on his face. If it weren't for the fact that he was holding his own weight instead of slumped against him Apollo would have guessed he was asleep. Apollo couldn’t resist the pull to lean down and kiss his forehead, and was satisfied when the blond smiled.
Apollo liked looking at Klavier.
He liked watching him react to things. Liked to see the faint dimple form on his right cheek as he smiled. Liked to see the twitch of his upper lip every time he smelt something unpleasant. Liked his annoyed frown when the steam of his morning tea fogged the glasses he wore on those days where contacts were just unbearable. Liked the way he didn’t look away when Apollo caught him staring, instead just flashed a dashing smile that never failed to fluster Apollo.
He liked looking at him, and he hated seeing him in pain.
With one last snip of the scissors Apollo felt the uncoming bad hair crisis the blond had going on before had been averted. Maybe tomorrow he’d convince him to let him properly crop the back of his neck with his hair clippers, but as he rinsed the blond hair for the last time he decided it was enough for today. Apollo reached one of the smaller towels Klavier insisted to have for his hair and ruffled the wet hair before him.
Apollo cringed as he noticed that, in effect, his pants had gotten wet, but he couldn’t find it in himself to complain when Klavier was literally soaked from head to toe. Apollo saw him wrap the towel around his head before making a face as the wet clothes stuck to his skin.
“Give me your clothes.” Apollo said as he unbuttoned his jeans. Apollo liked the glaze on Klavier's eyes as they followed the motions of his hand. Apollo shook his head. Prevent his boyfriend from getting hypothermia first, how much he wanted Klavier second. “Come on,” This time the blond got the message and he moved to skilfully take his shirt off without disturbing the towel around his hair. Once Klavier’s shirt and sweatpants were in Apollo’s hand the brunet left and put them all to wash alongside the clothes he was wearing.
He probably could have made Klavier take his clothes before he got in the tub, but at the moment Apollo was desperate to make his boyfriend feel better so he had more or less moved on autopilot, not much thinking involved.
He put on his pajama bottoms on his way back to the bathroom. Klavier, now dry with the towel still wrapped around his hair, was sitting on top of the toilet. He had put on his nightgown, not the silky violet one he used when he wanted to capture Apollo’s eye, but the fluffy lavender one he used on those long skincare filled nights. As Apollo threw on the Gavineers shirt he used as pajamas he noticed Klavier was finishing to change the wet bandages on his hand for dry ones. He smiled at the concentration on his face before taking out the hair dryer.
“Take out the stool, I’m drying your hair.”
“Oh, you are going full pamper tonight, aren’t you, Liebling?” Klavier teased with no actual malice in his voice. He placed the stool in front of the mirror and sat. Apollo smiled as he loosened the towel and ruffled the damp hair with it.
“Of course I am.”
Apollo let the towel drop to the floor. A shaky breath came from the blond as he finally saw himself in the mirror. Apollo met Klavier eyes through the reflection, the blond seemed to be taking in his drastic new haircut with a pained frown. Apollo wasn’t sure what was going on inside his head, so he proceeded to do what Apollo was best, ramble.
“I kinda tried to imitate your haircut from some years ago? I think it's a bit shorter here on the back, and there wasn’t much I could do with this one bang on the front, but give it a week and it will level with the rest. Tomorrow I could fix the back with my clippers so it looks like a proper undercut—”
“It's me.” Klavier interrupted shutting Apollo up. He swallowed dryly before continuing, eyes still plastered on his reflection “That’s… me,”
“Yes.” Apollo nodded before smiling faintly. “That’s you. Your long hair is also you, with maybe a little more baggage, but still you. For now you have until it grows back to figure out how you want to deal with that. So in the meanwhile, you just get to be you.”
Klavier pursed his lips together before nodding. His eyes watered up slightly and Apollo moved his hand to brush the now short hair from his forehead. Klavier raised a hand up grabbing the back of Apollo’s head and pulled him down into a kiss. The brunet smiled at the odd angle, but in a second he reciprocated the same love Klavier was pouring into the kiss.
The hand that was tangled in Klavier now short locks pulled back slightly to angle Klavier head better. Apollo took advantage of the small gasp that the action elicited from the blond to deepen the kiss. His tongue caressed the roof of Klavier's mouth. The other man tried to pull the defense attorney impossibly close with a whine, but to the displease of Klavier, Apollo began to pull away.
“I have to— hmph—!” Apollo tried before being pulled back in, Apollo chuckled as he was sure the blond had this frustrated frown on his face, the same he made when he couldn’t remember a chord to a song. “Have to— dry your hair—” he muttered against the prosecutor's lips.
“Screw the hair—”
“Nu-uh, it’s me that is going to have to deal with— Geez ,” Klavier bit his lip, “--deal with your poofy hair tomorrow. So no—” Apollo finally managed to separate himself from Klavier. “I’m drying your hair now, then we continue.
Klavier pouted with a frown, but apart from crossing his arms as a toddler he sat right back.
Apollo turned the dryer on and it wasn’t long before Klavier's whole frame relaxed instantly as Apollo’s fingers toyed with the blond locks. His eyes closed and Apollo once again was able to take in the form of the blond.
It was so weird to him, the way Klavier saw his reflection and remembered a monster, when Apollo saw the real deal everyday and all he could feel was love. It’s true that once upon a time Apollo saw Kristoph in Klavier too, but after knowing the younger Gavin for so long he had come to forget how anyone could see Klavier and not just see him . Because he hadn’t twisted him to love, he hadn’t talked about the things he wanted to hear, and hadn’t acted the ways he had always wanted someone to act. He had just been him, loved like himself, talked like himself and acted like himself.
“I forgot how quickly short hair dryed.” Klavier chuckled as Apollo finished shaking the blow dryer around. “I’m wondering if I ever want to go back now.”
“I’m doomed to blow dry it for the rest of my life anyways, so choose either.” Apollo shrugged before leaning down to whisper in Klavier’s ear. “Short hair. Choose short hair please— ” He begged jokingly which made Klavier throw his head backwards with a laugh. Apollo smiled at him before kissing his shoulder.
“Thank you, Apollo.” Klavier whispered.
“Always,” He smiled back.
He wished there was a way he could make Klavier love his reflection as much as Apollo did. Maybe eventually he would, so Apollo was decided.
Until the day that Klavier Gavin stopped seeing monsters in mirrors, Apollo would be there to scare them away.