Work Text:
It happened exactly eight months, two weeks and four days after the Cullens left. They had gone in October, and now, in a June summer day in which Leah intended to go surfing with Seth and Jacob, she suddenly couldn’t anymore. It was something she kind of waited for during the first three months, but then she just let it go and erased it from her thoughts.
Honestly, if she had observed better her own body, she would have anticipated what was coming. She was feeling bloated, like a huge balloon had taken place inside her belly. Her breasts were harder and more sensitive than ever, even the hot water from the shower seemed to be a nuisance – the impact of the water droplets caused a thin, unpleasant pain in her nipples. She was having this weird urge for milk chocolate, which she didn’t like much, and for cappuccino with cinnamon, a drink she had never had before. Also, even though she hated to attest, her humor was just awfully displeasing. She wanted to punch something really hard, but then she also wanted to cry every time she watched that stupid commercial on TV about pet’s adoption.
So, when Leah woke up that Sunday morning, she had to fight the need to scream. Her favorite pajama’s shorts was stained with a solid, intense shade of red, as much as her bed sheets. Looking at her hands, they were shaking. Her stomach was churning and she ran to the bathroom before she threw up on the bedroom floor. Leah was vomit free since the first time she hunted a deer, and it was unfortunately a cub one.
After expelling everything that was inside her, Leah started to look for something she obviously had stopped buying, but she was hoping her mother forgot one or two pads, just enough for her to go to the store and buy some more. She didn’t find it, of course. All Leah saw she could do was take a shower, wear some cotton balls instead, and clean the mess she had made in her bed.
She sat in her bedroom floor, it wasn’t more than eight in the morning, and the inconvenient cramps started. She needed pads, she needed some painkiller, and she desperately needed a chocolate bar with almonds.
Leah didn’t see it coming, but the next time she realized what she was doing, she had already dialed a number she avoided calling at all costs.
“Leah? Hello. Are you alright?”
“Emily… I… I need a huge favor,” Leah said with a trembling voice. “And you have to keep it a secret.”
“Anything you need, dear.”
And then Leah said what she needed, except for the chocolate bar. Fortunately, Emily didn’t do a single question about that topic and said she would be there in, at most, thirty minutes. Leah couldn’t help but look through the window every five minutes or less, because she didn’t want Emily to ring the doorbell – it would wake up Seth and raise a lot of questions. Therefore, when she saw Emily’s car parking in front of the house, Leah rapidly opened the door.
“C’mon,” she said, grabbing Emily’s hand and dragging her up the stairs.
“Leah, may I ask you something?”
Leah hated that look on Emily’s face. Her eyes were too soft, but also too worried. Emily certainly cared about Leah, but Leah wasn’t able to deal with their sentimental stuff at that moment.
“Yeah, sure,” Leah answered while turning over the bag Emily handed her.
“How are you feeling?”
Ok, that was a question Leah knew she could try to answer.
“It’s just too much, Emily,” she grasped the pads and led her way to the bathroom. “Be right back.”
It was weird – to have something in her underpants. She had lost he habit. She wanted to throw the pad away. But she couldn’t, not now.
When she got back to the bedroom, Leah struggled to look into Emily’s eyes, but she knew she had too.
“Thank you,” she said after a moment of reflection. “You were the first person I thought of when I reached my phone.”
“You can count on me, you know that, right? I’ll be here when you’re ready to talk. If you feel ready to talk, no pressure”, she smiled largely and all Leah could do is give her a little one.
“Right now, I need to be alone.”
“I get it.” Emily reached for something into her purse and, in a second, handed Leah a little gift. “I think it can help you feel better.”
Leah was holding a 3,2 oz. chocolate bar, a milk chocolate bar with almonds. Just like the one she wished for. She felt her chest smaller and her throat got dry. Then, her eyes burned and three thick tears flowed through her cheeks.
“Ems... I-, thank you.”
It was nine and a half when Jacob entered the house without knocking, as always. She hated it, but that day Leah couldn’t care less. Her whole attention was on the cartoon she was watching on TV.
“Leah, I thought we were going surfing. Why are you in sweatpants? It’s not that cold. And you’re wearing socks?”
“I’m not going. Seth is in the garage cleaning his surfboard, you can meet him there.”
Jacob didn’t answered, but Leah wouldn’t look at him.
“You look different,” he sit at the couch, she could feel his eyes on her. “You ok?”
“Yep.”
“I don’t know…”
Then, she turned her head to him. When their eyes met, Leah saw concern in his expression – but she couldn’t tell exactly why, she didn’t like to see it.
“Don’t you believe in my words?”
“Not when you look this…” he stopped himself.
“This?”
“Murderous,” he admitted with a nervous smile. “I haven’t seen this look in your face in, I don’t know, ten months?”
“Thank you very much for your concern, Jacob,” she looked back at the television, “but I’m doing pretty fine.”
“Leah, you’re watching The Powerpuff Girls.”
“And…?”
“It’s a cry for help! You’re not like this, you’re not…”
His hesitation was making her angry. Leah could feel her blood simmering inside her veins.
“I’m not what, Jacob?”
“Girly.”
“Oh, fuck you,” she cursed through her teeth. “Let me be a girl, for gods sake!”
“Hey, I’m not telling you how you gotta live your life, I’m just saying you’re not being you. My friend Leah Clearwater would never exchange insane waves for The Powerpuff Girls.”
“I’m not your friend.”
“Now you’re just being bitter without a reason.”
“Jacob, I have all the reasons in the world for being bitter.”
A heavy silence settled in. In her mind, Leah thanked all the spirits for Jacob shutting is mouth up, she didn’t want to hear his whinings about her mood-swings.
“Can I have some?”
Along with his question, she followed the invisible line his index finger indicated. He was pointing at her chocolate bar on the coffee table.
“You wish,” was all she gave him.
With a long, whacked sigh, Jacob got up and mumbled, “If I didn’t know better, I’d say your hormones are speaking for you.”
Leah wanted to, but she never found the words for a decent reply. Her tongue froze inside her mouth and, suddenly, she lost the ability to speak.
She saw, by the corner of her eye, when Jacob turned on his heel and glanced at her. He blinked twice before opening his mouth, but not a single word went out. Leah shrugged, unable to hide the truth. After six years (or more) of literally reading each other’s minds, she couldn’t lie to him anymore. And neither could he.
“You ok?” he asked again, his tone more gentle now.
“Don’t know yet.”
“Right… You need something?”
She bit her lip, thinking for a second before saying, “Just don’t tell anyone, ok?”
“Don’t worry, babe.”
“Don’t call me that”, she cast a withering look, but his warm smile softened her heart and made it skip a beat.
“We can have pizza for lunch. It’s on me.”
“Actually,” she tilted her head, “I’d like some lasagna.”
“Ok… I think I can get it for you.”
After Jacob left with Seth, Leah lay down on the couch and remembered the very first time she told Jacob about her lack of periods. Back then he was scared of talking about “girl stuff”. Now, in the other hand, he didn’t runaway, didn’t try to make her stop talking – because now he was the one talking, and trying to make her say something.
Leah still didn’t know what to think or how to feel about her periods coming back, but she surely knew she wasn’t alone.
She had her two best friends at her side.