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Kanan wakes up slowly, a distant pull from the force keeps nudging at his brain, just beyond his reach. Just there, so close, yet so far away. So closed off. Yet so powerful all the same. It’s not a new feeling to Kanan, he remembers late nights at the temple sensing a similar call from the force, before he’d become a padawan. Before he’d become a warrior instead of a peacekeeper. Before his master had been killed by the solider who had both their backs a million times before.
It’s not a new feeling. It’s just been a long time since Kanan last felt it.
It takes him almost by surprise, as he shots up and stiffens in his bunk. Almost hitting his head in the upper bunk above him. He reaches out through the force to find wherever the call is coming from. His heart skips a beat, before it moves to his throat in panic. Are they under attack?
He can sense Hera in the room besides himself, sense her softness through the force. The calm. She’s like a steady rock that can’t be broken, always strong for others because they can’t be themselves.
In the room across for Hera’s, he feels Sabines chaotic mind. She’s clearly asleep, or her mind might have been even more chaotic. But right now, he senses her distantly relax, even if things have been rough lately. Even if they’re fighting for their lives.
Zeb’s room is mostly quiet. The Lasat’s loud snores travels through the hallway, and through Kanan paper thin walls and door.
He pushes out a little future. Through the cockpit where chopper spends his nights, through the upper gun at the top of the ship, through Phantom’s empty passengers’ seats. Through the cargo hold, and then through the living area. Finding nothing by empty air. And then… there. In the In the front gun, just beneath the cockpit of Ghost, a small life form hides. Hides both in a physical sense, but also in a mental sense. Strong shields placed around his figure.
It takes a moment for Kanan to realize who it is. The Young boy from Lothal hadn’t been part of their crew for more than a day. It was their first night with him on board. Ezra Bridger. His long, dark blue hair, hanging loosely over his shoulders. The bright gaze from his bright blue eyes. So innocent, so young. Kanan isn’t happy about the idea that he’ll be fighting by their side, but Kanan isn’t happy about the idea about leaving him along either.
That’s how Zeb came into their lives, and Sabine later on. Hell… it was how Kanan had gotten into this life in the first place. Because a person had been kind enough to care about him during his darkest times.
He still remembers his own first night on board Ghost. How the ships humming had kept him awake, starting at the celling the bunk above. How Choppers rolling had echoed through his head. How Hera had come to him during the early morning hours, as Kanan had found his way to the kitchen, and she’d pulled him into a warm embrace and promise he was a part of her family now.
It feels like it’s yesterday. In reality it’s ages ago.
It’s that memory that pushes Kanan to leave the nice softness of his bed. He swings his legs over the edge, his bare feet meeting the cold metal floors, before Kanan pushes himself up.
He pulls a discarded shirt over his head, and pulls his long hair near the back, into a tight but messy bun. Just to look somewhat presentable and not scare the kid more than he already was. Then, quietly he staggers out into the hallway, towards the living and kitchen area. He fills a can with water, placing it over the stow, letting it warm up while he finds the tea Hera and him likes. The tea that reminds him of days at the temple, where him and his master would relax under the stars. Where her master had told him, that she sometimes questioned the jedi order. That she wasn’t always sure they made the right calls.
He adds a few spoons of the dusty, green, powder to two cups, as the water boils. He purses the water carefully, watching as the water mixes and turns a light green. And then, with the two cups in hand he makes his way towards the nose gun. Towards Ezra.
He hesitates that when he reaches the gun, the door sliding open slowly. He can’t see Ezra. The boy is completely hidden by the chair he’s sitting in, his small frame is clearly built to hide in odd places. The vents right when they meet him should have been proof of that, but Kanan had been to busy being made at him, to think about anything else about that boy.
Now that he watches the boy, alone, things stand a lot clearer to the former Jedi.
He hesitates, but standing there, it’s clear that this is where the force had guided him. A nervous energy hanging around the air, around Ezra. Kanan can’t blame him. It’s new to all of them.
He takes a few more steps forward, let’s the door close behind him. He senses the boy stiffen, like he might have been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to. Only the boy hasn’t done anything wrong, and where Kanan can sense the boy’s unease, the boy clearly can’t sense Kanan calm. Closed of to the force. Distant. Unwilling to reach out into it, sense it like Kanan does. As the boy stiffens, his shields pull’s closer to himself, he retreats inside the force, without knowing it.
“Can’t sleep?” Kanan keeps his voice calms as he slowly walks towards the gunner chair. Reaching out on of the cups, filled with the green tea. Taking a long, slow sip of his own cup as Ezra’s hands clasp around the one Kanan offers. “Do you…” Kanan hesitates, “Do you want to talk about it?”.
Kanan doesn’t know a lot about kids. He rarely hung out with younglings back at the temple, but even when he did, this is different. Ezra isn’t used to having people around him he can trust.
Kanan fears that Ezra might hide even more, if he pushes too fast.
Instead, the boy nods. His gaze running over the stars outside. The ship hovering in the empty space above Lothal. “The bed’s too soft” Ezra whispers carefully, barely loud enough for Kanan to hear, “It’s… that sounds weird, doesn’t it?”.
“It doesn’t” Kanan replies for a soft smile and sits down on the floor, “I know what you mean”.
Ezra takes a careful sip of the cup in his hands. Tasting the clearly unknown drink, before deciding it’s good and he takes a bigger gulp. “You do?” Ezra asks, letting his eyes run to Kanan.
“When you haven’t had a safe place to sleep, or hide out for a long time, this is a pretty normal feeling. Bed’s too soft, the hm of the ship keeps you up. There’s nothing wrong with it, kid” Kanan replies reassuringly. Smiles and places his cup at his side.
Ezra nods stiffly. “Talking from experience?” he guesses.
Kanan nods and lets out a small chuckles. “The Empire isn’t my biggest fan” he confirms, “For more than one reason”.
They sit in silence for a few moments, there. Ezra’s gaze shifting back out into the void of starts. White dots against the black sky. There’s wonder in those eyes, curiosity that Kanan knows from his how times as a Padawan. Before he became Kanan Jarrus. Back… back when he was Caleb Dume, overly excited about clone battalion 99. Back when his master gave him the Holocron that Ezra manga to open, because Caleb asked to many questions.
He let’s his own eyes wonder over the stars too. He’s traveled through space a lot, so much that he a times forgets it’s even there. Only a moments where he reaches out through the force, will he notice the millions of lives that surrounds him. He doesn’t do that a lot, anymore.
Here, with Ezra, Kanan let’s himself relax. Lets the silence be. Ezra will talk if he needs to, at least… so Kanan hopes. He hopes that being there, is enough to make Ezra feel safe.
He’s right.
“It’s too loud” Ezra says, breaking the silence. Sighing deeply. “It’s too loud, but it’s not actually a noise. Not the ship or Zep’s snoring, or…” he shakes his head, “It’s nothing like that. It’s just, it’s there… loud, inside my head, and it won’t go away. Really… won’t”.
It takes a moment for Kanan to realize what Ezra is talking about. It takes him a little by surprise, maybe, too. Because Ezra seems to close off, yet the force seems noisy to him.
He get’s to his feet, let’s a hand hover over Ezra’s shoulder, before he lets it fall to meet the boy. He squeezes it tight. Gives Ezra something to focus on, something physical. “Lets try something” Kanan says, “Trust me”. Ezra nods. “Close your eyes. Breath, slowly in through your nose, out through your mouth. In, and out. Slowly”. Ezra takes a few, good, deep breaths. “Imagine the world around you, the sound, the stars. The lives you can hear, it’s us at Ghost. Hera, Sabine, Zep, Me. Can you sense us?”.
Ezra seems to concentrate for a moment, before he stiffens under Kanan’s touch. Kanan can distantly, but closer than earlier, feel a small nudge at his brain. The same nudge that had woken him, but this time clearly directed at him. “I… I can”. Ezra stammers.
“Now slowly” Kanan removes his hand, takes a step back, “Distant yourself from them in the force. Like a shield, place it around yourself, until you feel comfortable. Only let in, what you want to let in”. He takes a moment, a long moment that leaves Kanan wondering if his words even make sense to Ezra. But there, the force shifts ever so slightly around him. Ezra relaxes in the chair, once more. His blue eyes open, shifts to meet Kanan’s, and slowly Ezra takes a deep breath before taking another small gulp from the cup. He seems, almost surprised.
“That…” Ezra shakes his head, “That’s the force? That… sound?”.
Kanan nods. Ezra has caught on to that, quickly, at least. Even if he doesn’t have any practice using it. “It is. It connects us to all living beings, all around us. Flows through us, and around us”.
Ezra nods. “Thank you… Kanan”.
Kanan shakes his head and retrieves his cup from the floor. He pads Ezra softly on the shoulder and smiles before he moves towards the door. “Remember to bring the cup back to the gallery” Kanan says over his shoulder, “And try to get some sleep. You’ll need your strength soon enough”.
“Yes sir” Ezra replies with a chuckle from behind Kanan, who nods and moves back into the main area of the ship. He discards his own cup in the sink, before he returns to his bunk.
He closes his eyes and lays there. Reaches through the ship once more. More directly than when he’d woken up. He finds Ezra with ease now, and if that’s because they both feel a little clearer, or if that’s because of the thin, invisible strand that has twisted around the both of them, Kanan doesn’t know. But he knows it’s there, fragile for now, but building slowly between them. A bond that only few has ever experience, because the force rarely got to pick master and padawan.
It similar bond had connected him and his Master… had been torn apart as they’d been betrayed. Now a new one had woven itself into Kanan’s heart, only this time he was the master, and Ezra was at the other end.
Kanan reaches towards it, playfully is nodes at it once. Sends a small goodnight through the air, as he feels Ezra relax in the warm of the force.
A small… hesitant nudge back makes Kanan’s chest swell. But also with fear.
He hopes the bond won’t break this time.