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1.
Jisung doesn't have the privilege of living a normal teenage life and suffering because of unrequited crushes and first kisses when he's busy chasing his dreams and trying to keep up with an idol life.
Besides, it's not like he'd even want to kiss someone. He can't really see himself doing that, anyway.
The movies with kissing scenes make him cringe, his fists curling at the side of his body, and he's embarrassed just at the sight of it. Besides, it's not like there's any girl around him to make him even think about kissing. He's always busy practicing together with the other members of NCT DREAM, his schedule too full. He's not even in school anymore to have a crush on a schoolmate or something like that.
And honestly? Jisung doesn't think he's missing much there. Based on what he hears his hyungs talking about, it's like first kisses are a messy thing. Especially when feelings are involved.
Jisung is 14 years old when he decides that kissing is overrated and that he doesn't care about it, that he has better things to do than to think and fawn over that.
Jisung is 15 years old when Renjun talks at the dinner table about his first kiss and all the boys lean in to hear his story. The last time it had been Mark reminiscing about his experience and all of them had also inclined their heads to hear better; they’d ask for more details, ask more questions, and a blushing and stuttering Mark would try his best to answer them.
Renjun also tries to play it cool, but he doesn’t fool anyone with his bright red cheeks and wandering gaze.
Jisung doesn’t pay much attention to the story and, soon after, they’re finishing dinner and cleaning everything up. Chenle puts the bowls inside of the sink while Donghyuck wipes the table clean, Jeno getting up to go grab some ice cream in the freezer. As the youngest, sometimes Jisung uses the little privilege he has to choose to stay seated and be served first by his hyungs.
To not make any more messes, Mark only gives them spoons and they start to dig in, elbows bumping against each other while they try to get a big spoonful of the cold treat first than the other, their laughter echoing whenever someone drops ice cream on the table or on their lap.
It’s a fun atmosphere and Jisung feels like he’s at home. The tiredness he had felt early from a full day of practice soon vanishes when Donghyuck is retelling a funny story and they’re all laughing so loud that they drop their spoons, holding on to their stomachs while they gasp for air, the ice cream melting on the table but being on the bottom of their priorities.
Wiping the tears from the corner of his eyes, Jisung giggles more when Chenle gets into another laughing fit after crossing gazes with Jeno, Mark having to get up and turn his back to them to try and calm himself down, Donghyuck proudly sitting in his place with a wide grin on his face.
Jisung picks up a spoon from the table, digging into the melting ice cream, and brings it to his lips, huffing through his nose before he can swallow — and there’s something weird going on there.
The handle of the spoon feels different from before, a different weight, and Jeno’s gaze is focused on him, eyes a little wide, and it's when Jisung looks down that he almost startles when he realizes he’d picked up the wrong spoon.
“Oh.” He drops the spoon to the table, the metallic noise being drowned by Mark’s shrieking, him begging Donghyuck to calm down, while Renjun’s laughter still rings in the background. He lifts his hand to his mouth and wipes it with the back, looking at Jeno while he says, “I didn’t mean to use your spoon. Sorry, hyung.”
It’s not a big deal, but Jisung feels shy and embarrassed by his mistake, a flush creeping in on his face.
Jeno, though, waves his hand. “It’s not a big deal, don’t worry.” He picks his spoon and eats the ice cream as if nothing had ever happened, his eyes scrunching up as he gazes at the other boys and gets back into the rhythm of their bantering.
They share a dorm together which includes almost everything they own: clothes, accessories, objects (sometimes even toothbrushes but no one ever admits that). A spoon is nothing. No one would even remember about the incident five minutes after, but Jisung still feels his stomach turn a little when the topic of the conversation goes back to first kisses, his fingers fidgeting on his lap before he picks his own spoon.
The right one this time.
He doesn’t have a single thing that he could bring up and add to the talk and, normally, he wouldn’t care much about what his hyungs were talking, but now there’s a little voice speaking inside his head, something whispering “would that have been considered as an indirect kiss?”.
He wants to say no, that sharing food or something wouldn’t equal to a kiss, that maybe sharing a toothbrush was even worse and was still not considering like a kiss too, but there’s a part inside of him that wants to say yes, that having his first kiss be something small with Jeno wouldn’t be that bad — and that thought is scary. It’s something different.
And Jisung promptly shoves it to the back of his mind to never visit it ever again.
2.
It’s 2019 and a lot has changed: Jaemin is back, Mark has left the group, and DREAM will have a concert soon. Maybe it’ll be their last one, maybe not — a lot is uncertain yet and they don’t know what awaits in the future for them, so they try to focus on the present and ignore (the best that they can) the impending doom looming over them in the not-so-far-away distance.
With age, the dynamic between Jisung and the other members changed a little. They all matured and, with that, differences were sure to have risen. With those boys, Jisung finds friendship and creates a bond so deep, so strong, that it takes his breath away sometimes. They’re next to each other for anything that happens and it shows in the way they move and interact with one another.
While skinship isn’t something Jisung is very fond of (or that’s what he tries to tell the boys so they won’t bother him too many hugs), he finds that he doesn’t mind it as much as he thought he did with them. He still complains, yes, but he lets Jaemin cling to him and coo over and over again about how much he has grown; Donghyuck opens his arms and screams for him and Jisung falls into his embrace, holding his hyung close; Renjun screams from the other side of the dorm and comes after him with his arms outstretched to pinch his cheeks, and Jisung lets him fawn over how cute he is.
It’s easier to just accept it all and let his hyungs have their fun. He doesn’t like to be babied, but it’s okay to get a hug once or twice and to be cuddled to sleep.
But starting skinship is… different. Sure, it’s easier with some of the boys than others (he wouldn’t be able to do a single thing with Chenle without cringing while he could kind of survive after acting cute for Jaemin), but Jeno is just… an enigma.
Something different.
Jeno is a hyung that doesn’t care about their age differences or the fact that Jisung constantly drops honorifics when talking with him. He’s approachable and fun and a very good friend. And while he isn’t direct with skinship, Jeno also doesn’t hesitate to go hold someone’s hand and play with their fingers or to backhug someone and cuddle into their side without even realizing what he’s doing.
But Jeno also brings a side of Jisung that makes him want to initiate something — and that’s unusual.
Jisung is the maknae and he’s supposed to be the one constantly doted on and spoiled, so why does he wants to take care of Jeno? Why he doesn’t mind playing along with him as much?
Jisung doesn’t really have answers for that and he also doesn’t want to look too much into it. Renjun seems very interested in making Jisung talk about his feelings and thoughts, but Jisung is also very good at refusing and ignoring Renjun whenever he starts to bring the topic back again.
Whatever Jisung doesn’t accept as reality can’t hurt him, anyway.
So when they’re doing a Vlive and Jeno is sitting on the floor and he scoots closer, resting his head on Jisung’s knees who’s sitting in one of the chairs, Jisung doesn’t even hesitate in leaning down to brush a fleeting kiss on the top of Jeno’s head, a dark bucket hat in the way.
It’s natural, it’s instinctive. Jisung ignores the look that Renjun gives him after the cameras have been turned off and he pretends that everything is okay and fine and that his lips aren’t tingling and that Jeno isn’t so damn cute and makes his heart race like crazy.
He’s okay, he’s fine, and totally not in denial (no matter what Renjun insists on saying).
3.
The thing is: Jisung can pretend he’s doing very fine and that nothing has changed when he can control the situation. But, as he comes to discover, being drunk is entirely another world — and Jisung has no power over what he does when he’s in that state.
“I did what?” Jisung screeches, looking between the gap of his fingers.
Jaemin sighs and pats Jisung on the thigh, his eyes fondly as he looks at the maknae who’s kind of trying to hide behind his hands, his face entirely flushed and ears bright red.
“It’s not a big deal, Jisungie, all of the boys were very smashed too. Renjun started to drool all over the couch and Mark was crying while looking at animal videos online. Everyone was weird.”
“But—but… hyung… I…”
“You were just so, so cute! Adorable! The cutest maknae ever!” Jaemin gushes, pushing Jisung’s hands away from his face so he could squish Jisung’s cheeks. “Don’t be embarrassed, Sungie! You were so cute to all of your hyungs! Just so cuddly and cute!”
Jisung groans, closing his eyes. “I’m never drinking again,” he says, solemnly. “Never, ever again.”
Jaemin pinches Jisung’s cheek one last time before releasing it, pouting. “You don’t need to drink to have fun, that’s true, but you’re such a fun drinker! You just kept trying to kiss us all and when Chenle refused you I swear you almost started to cry! But then Jeno hugged you and you wouldn’t let anyone get close to him after!” Jaemin finishes with a laugh, shaking his head, and Jisung lets out another dying noise from the back of his throat.
“I need to disappear from the world right now,” he says, “I need to leave and never come back. No one will let me live after this…”
Jaemin doesn’t offer any words of consolation and, instead, he nods his head. “That might be true but at least no one got any pictures from yesterday, so…”
Rubbing his eyes, Jisung leaves towards the kitchen, the pounding headache not letting him forget about everything that had happened the night before. His throat is dry and his mouth feels like a desert, andthe moment he steps in the doorway he regrets his actions.
Jeno, Renjun and Donghyuck are there. And they all look at him as soon as he approaches the kitchen.
“Ah, there he is… the biggest kisser NCT has ever seen.”
“Are you doing okay? How’s your head?”
“Hey, you’re finally up.”
Jisung grumbles something that could be passed as a “good evening” and goes straight to the fridge. His hope is that they’ll just ignore him and pick up the conversation they were having, but nothing else is said until Jisung turns around with a juice box in his hands.
“Do you remember anything from yesterday, Jisungie?” Donghyuck asks, his eyes shining bright and spelling trouble.
Jisung feels like there’s no right answer to that question. He remembers flashes of some moments: drinking and not feeling a thing, but then getting up to go to the bathroom and almost crashing towards the floor, giggling so much that his belly was hurting and then snuggling against anyone who’d stay close enough to him, the room swimming in and out of his vision, everything moving too fast, and then he was waking up and Jaemin was bringing him some water.
“I—”
“You held your alcohol in—which is more than what Renjun could do—”
“Hey!”
“—but you were so cute!” Donghyuck says, stressing the word out in a very high-pitched tone that is a little too much for Jisung’s hangover brain. “So cute! You were like ‘hyung, hyung!’ and then squeezing our hands to get out attention, and when we looked you would only say ‘I love you’ and start singing to yourself.”
“It was very cute,” Renjun adds from the side.
“You laughed a lot too,” Jeno says.
Jisung flushes. “I don’t remember anything so I won’t believe you.”
Donghyuck shrugs. “It’s the truth, anyway. Ask any of the guys and they’ll say the same thing.”
Renjun leans in over the table, a big smile on his face. “There was a moment you were swinging around and then you almost fell, so we put you back on the couch but you just wanted to be upside-down and wouldn’t accept anything else.”
“Yeah,” Donghyuck says, “and then you kissed Jeno’s calf.”
Jisung splutters, spitting his banana juice on the floor. Renjun scrunches up his nose and says, “Wasn’t it his foot?”
“I don’t remember that,” Jeno comments from the side, frowning a little.
Maybe a human shouldn’t flush as much as I’m probably doing right now, Jisung thinks, grabbing some napkins to clean the floor. Jesus.
“Ah, I don’t know… I was kinda buzzed by then but I could swear it was on his leg? Like, Jisung was upside-down and Jeno was trying to keep him up.”
Renjun makes a little noise but drops the subject. “I guess. Chenle was the closest one to them, maybe he saw it better, I don’t know.”
“Did this really happen?” Jeno asks, slowly. Jisung shoves the dirty napkins into the trashcan and tries to finish his juice as quickly as he possibly can. “I didn’t even drink that much… Why can’t I remember that?”
“It was after Jisung stole you for half an hour to nap over your back,” Donghyuck says, “I think you were drunk by then because after that you started cleaning everything and putting everyone into bed… just like you do when you’re smashed.”
Jeno scratches the back of his neck, a far-away look on his face, and Jisung quickly leaves the room, feeling the weight of three different stares on his back.
He remembers that. He remembers that.
He’d thought it had been part of a dream, something his mind had come up with while intoxicated, especially because Jaemin hadn’t mentioned a thing about anything like that happening, but Jisung remembers clearly feeling like the world was moving too fast around him and that he couldn’t find anything to keep him still, that he needed to hold on onto something, and then Jeno was just in front of him, his face swimming in and out of focus, the floor suddenly becoming the ceiling and vice-versa, and Jisung tried to give Jeno a little peck because nothing was real and he could do whatever he wanted in his dream, but Jeno was too blurry and hazy and he couldn’t find his lips.
Which… well. In a way, Jisung is glad that happened because he didn’t want his first kiss to be while he was drunk and upside-down on the couch.
But he can’t help but be surprised at how bold he was.
(And fear what he might’ve said while drunk too.)
4.
“Can you cover me while I reload?”
Jisung hums, his eyes not straying away from his phone screen.
“Jisung? Can you cover me? Jisung?”
He snaps his head up, eyes widening. “What?”
Jeno sighs, his back to Jisung and focused on his computer, the clacking noises coming from his keyboard stopping just momentarily. “Cover me real quick here.”
“Where are you?”
“Next to the broken truck, behind that grey storage unit.”
Laying on Jeno’s bed, Jisung hums in agreement, his fingers moving quickly on the screen so he could find Jeno’s character in the game and cover him. “Okay, okay, I’m here. Quick, hyung, there’s still a sniper left. We should try to get rid of him next.”
“Yeah, that’s a good idea. Okay, we can go now.”
They fall silent while they resume their game, just randomly asking for someone to drop some ammunition or a special item, trying their best to keep each other safe. There’s a noise that comes from outside of the locked door, some music that’s playing, but Jisung can barely hear it over the sound of their game and of the low buzzing of the LED strips that cover Jeno’s walls.
“Oh, no—there’s someone shooting from the side! Hyung! Quick, quick!”
Jeno grunts, the noise from his keyboard becoming louder, the smashing more frantic. “I’m… trying…” He cuts himself off, groaning in despair. “Shit, they killed me.”
Jisung gasps. “I’m still alive! Oh, damn—what should I do? Oh, god, where do I go next? Oh—shit, someone’s shooting again!”
Jeno rolls his chair back and quickly takes his headphones away, throwing them on his desk before he jumps on his bed, trying to get a look at Jisung’s phone.
Jisung squeaks when Jeno makes the bed move and his eyes unfocus from his phone screen, momentarily losing his momentum. “Hyung!” He protests. “Don’t move! I need to concentrate!” He orders, huffing his cheeks out as he tries his best to follow the movements of his character and be aware of his surroundings, desperately looking for another player.
“Cute,” Jeno says, poking Jisung’s cheek.
Jisung grunts. “Hyung…” There’s an edge of his voice, desperation mixed with exasperation, but Jeno only chuckles and slots his chin on the top of Jisung’s shoulder, trying to watch the screen too.
“Did you reload already?”
“Yeah, I just need to… find the… y’know, the…” The words die out as Jisung gets focused on his game, not managing to keep doing both things at the same time.
“The…?”
“The… The...” Jisung quickly wanders off, his attention being pulled to something else. “Oh! Oh! Oh, no! They’re shooting—ah—”
“Aim for the head! Aim for the head!”
“I’m trying, I’m trying!”
“Use that special bonus, get the—”
“Shit.”
Jisung groans and lets his phone fall from his grasp, the big letters on the screen spelling out “FAILED”.
“Well… that sucked,” Jeno says.
Sighing, Jisung makes an agreeing noise. “I was almost there…”
“Yeah…”
And then, with his phone away, Jisung is aware of everything at once: how Jeno is snuggled against him, chin resting on his shoulder; how close they are and how Jeno’s breath hits the side of his neck; how the LED lights are changing from a pink to a purple color; how Jeno’s computer is still on, the same “FAILED” words written on the monitor; how his chair is pushed to the side and a blanket is halfway to the floor, wrapped around Jeno’s leg.
Jisung feels his ears burning and he squirms in place. On his phone, under the “FAILED” text, there’s now a countdown starting and Jisung perks up.
“Hyung, it’s going to start again!” He exclaims, scrambling to pick up his phone and turning his head to the side to face Jeno, to tell him the location they should drop and meet up at, but then Jisung freezes in place, his stomach turning in itself.
Jeno didn’t move from his place, didn’t jump and run to his chair to get ready for another round, he’s still in the same place, in the same position, and Jisung can feel the tip of their noses bumping against each other, their faces just inches apart.
His eyes widen, his lips part, and his heart feels like it collapses inside of his chest all at once. Jisung can clearly track the movement of Jeno’s gaze trailing over his face before it settles on his mouth.
And Jisung can’t move. He can’t.
And yet… why does it feel like his body is leaning forward? Why does he feel like he’s slowly moving when he’s sure he must be frozen in place with his fingers curling up around the sides of his phone and his mouth drying up?
“Did you know you have a mole here?” Jeno asks. He pulls back and pokes under Jisung’s bottom lip.
Jisung's brain gives up on him and all that he can do is stare at Jeno's finger and say "Hng?"
Jeno furrows his brows. "What did you say?"
The universe must have pitied him because the game makes a little noise that indicates that another round will start and Jeno almost jumps from the bed and rolls his chair back to its place, fingers ready on his keyboard.
"Okay, let's wipe out as many as we can and then regroup close to the cliffs," Jeno says, not looking away from his computer, his broad back being lit up by the LED lights.
Jisung is immediately eliminated by an opponent, too busy staring at the back of Jeno's head to even move his character. He lifts a hand and brushes his fingers over his bottom lip.
5.
Jisung feels like he’s living a sitcom. That’s it. Nothing more could describe what’s happening with him.
There are two simple things happening at the same time: Jisung has a blatant obvious crush on Jeno that simply won’t go away and the dreamies always pair him up together with Jeno, a not-so-sneaky wink sent over a shoulder or above a camera, smirks being exchanged and murmurs following them right after.
Jisung hasn’t said anything — nor did Jeno. But at that point, Jisung doesn’t doubt at all that Jeno knows everything about his not-so-secret crush; he’s kind of obvious about it, to be honest, but their friends also don’t help at all. Especially when they keep talking about how Jeno “likes Jisungie so, so much” and how “Jisung is definitely his favorite”.
So it’s no surprise that, in the next variety show where they need to be paired up together, Jisung ends up next to Jeno. If it was a physical game then they’d have a big advantage, he thinks, Jeno would be a great teammate, but it ends up being more of a solo game where Jeno is just helping him.
And Jisung is ready to dig a hole in the ground and hide there forever, because Jeno keeps Jisung’s legs in place and holds a blank sketchbook in front of his face for Jisung to do sit-ups and leave kissy marks on the paper in under 60 seconds.
He has to kiss the paper. That’s in front of Jeno’s face. While everything is being recorded.
It all sounds like a foolproof plan for Jisung to just disappear out in thin air.
But while Jisung is easily embarrassed at the idea of having to do that, he’s also competitive and he wants to win. He wants to succeed in that task.
So he immediately starts doing the sit-ups when he hears someone saying “Start!”, his core aching with the quick movements he’s doing, his focus entirely on the blank sheet of paper that slowly starts to become full with the mark of his lips.
Around the 30 seconds mark, he starts to hesitate. His body shakes a little, the boys’ screaming bringing him back to the present, and Jisung takes a look at Jeno’s smiley face and he falters, flustered.
“Come on, Jisung!” Someone screams, but all that Jisung can see is Jeno’s crinkled eyes and his big grin.
When Jeno realizes that he’s looking at him, he starts to move the sketchbook around, flustering Jisung even more when he can’t meet the paper with his mouth immediately, leaning forward only to have to move directions in the last second when Jeno moves the sketchbook to the side.
So it only seems like the obvious answer to hold Jeno in place so he can get the minimum amount of kisses necessary to win that mission.
With Jeno’s laughter echoing in his ears, Jisung’s fingers wrap around Jeno’s hands, holding them in place and not letting Jeno move the sketchbook around anymore. Jeno laughs at that, his nose scrunching up, but he lets Jisung keep his hands there, lets him have that little thing and Jisung works hard in the last remaining seconds, smearing lip tint all over the paper in order to succeed.
It’s not an indirect kiss and they’re barely touching (they’re filming something, for goodness’ sake), but Jisung still wonders how it must’ve felt for Jeno to see him in that position, to see him leaning in with puckered lips and ready for a kiss, just to leave a mark on the paper before laying down again.
He wonders if Jeno felt anything at all. If he felt something more than friends would.
+1
When someone teases you about liking someone and you don’t deny it, it can only mean one thing, right?
That’s what Jisung was hoping for, at least. Because Jeno is teased a lot about liking him and he only smiles… but he doesn't deny it. He doesn't say a thing.
Renjun constantly tells him that he’s being “dumb” and “very oblivious” or whatever, but Jisung just needs to be sure. 100% sure before he does anything. Just to, you know, don’t end up embarrassed because he was mistaken.
No one seems to understand him, though. Jisung tries to explain his reasoning but all the boys roll their eyes and tell him to “stop pushing it”, that everyone already knows that he and Jeno are kind of together — which is very big news to Jisung since he didn’t know that.
Like… what the fuck?
So Jisung had been very focused on not doing a thing because he’s not 100% sure if Jeno really likes him back even though everyone seems to say otherwise and that Renjun is ready to fight him if he asks again if, maybe, Jeno has a crush on one of the girls from that group that performed right after them last week, you know? Maybe it was that.
But everyone has their limits. And Park Jisung’s limit is watching one of the contents they had filmed for their YouTube Channel and seeing Jeno staring at him from the side, smiling when Jisung was talking to the camera and calling him “Cute”, his eyes scrunching up.
It's almost like an out of body experience. Jisung can see from another perspective, he can see how Jeno looks so gently at him, and he can connect, in his mind, all the dots. All the moments in which Jeno had cuddled up next to him and how they'd spend so much time together talking and how Jeno would listen to all of his rants and never push him away.
The only problem is: Jisung has no experience with confessions, dating, and everything that involves that.
And he has no idea what to do.
It's easy to think about movies and dramas and all the cliches that happen in them, but how does that work in real life? Is he supposed to acknowledge something or just continue to play it cool? Whenever the protagonist realizes they have feelings, the love interest would confess, but somehow that doesn't seem like something that Jeno would do.
So Jisung takes a deep breath, a courage he didn't even know existed guiding his movements, and he knocks on Jeno’s bedroom door and sits on the edge of his bed, awkwardly waiting for Jeno to finish playing a game and hoping that Jaemin won’t enter the room while anything is going on.
Jeno cuts his game short, probably sensing the weird vibes coming out of Jisung, and he swivels around on his chair, raising an eyebrow. “What do you want?”
He cuts straight to the chase and Jisung takes a deep breath in. And then stops. Freezes in place. Feels his heart beat so fast he wonders if Jeno could hear from the other side of the room.
He’s probably looking a little too constipated, because Jeno frowns and puts his headphones away, abandoning his chair to sit next to Jisung on the bed.
“Are you okay?”
Jisung nods. But then he shakes his head. And then he shrugs. “I guess. Kinda. You know… life.”
“Life?” Jeno repeats, confusion lacing his voice.
Jisung gulps and nods. “Life. Thinking about… life.”
“What?”
“I was just thinking about life, you know… Life and… and… everything.”
Jeno’s frown slowly vanishes and he looks at Jisung with a small smile, cocking his head to the side. “Jisung… are you just talking about something random again because you’re nervous?”
Jeno knew too much about him. Maybe Jisung should just abort that mission — he still had time, after all. He could still pretend nothing was happening and just run away to the safety of his room.
But again, if he did that, then what? Things would just carry on like usual and he wouldn’t have an answer. He wouldn’t be 100% sure. Nothing would change.
And he needs an answer. He needs to know for sure.
Jisung rubs his face hard and groans against the palm of his hands, trying to keep holding on to some of the courage from deep inside of him. “Hyung…” he starts, feeling his hands shaking, but it all tumbles out of his lips unceremoniously. “I… I like you…”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t get it. I… I really like you. More than just as a friend. Like… I like you for real.”
“I know, Jisungie.”
Jeno has a soft smile on his face and Jisung gasps, his mouth dry. “You… You do? You knew about it?”
Humming, Jeno lets out a chuckle. “Of course I did. You aren’t very smooth. And the guys also aren’t slick at all. It was a little obvious.”
With too much happening in too little time, Jisung feels his head a little dizzy. “Oh…”
“And… I like you too. I thought you knew that already,” Jeno says, a little lower than usual, a shy smile curling up on his lips.
Jisung’s mouth hangs open and he stares while Jeno rubs the back of his neck. “Why didn’t you—why didn’t you say anything? Anything at all?”
“You were shy and I just didn’t want to pressure you.”
“Pressure me? Why would I ever…” Jisung trails off, blushing a bright red when he realizes the implications of that.
Oh, god.
Everyone knew he'd never kissed anyone before. It was more than obvious when he had no friends outside of them and had spent all of his teenage years stuck inside a practice room. That he had no experience with anything involving a relationship that was more than a friendship.
Jisung clears out his throat. “I’m very okay,” he says, trying to play it cool and feeling like he's failing completely. “Everything is under control and I’m sure of everything.”
Raising one eyebrow, Jeno asks. “So you would totally be up for a kiss?”
Jisung feels his heartbeat picking up when the word “kiss” leaves Jeno’s mouth, his cheeks burning. He almost sputters but he manages to keep an even voice. “Sorry, but I can’t.”
Jeno looks surprised and very taken back, his eyebrows shooting up on his face. “Wha—Why? I thought you might want that. You did try to kiss me when you were drunk.”
Jisung clears out his throat again, looking at the side for a brief second. “I… I do want to… I do, but I don’t know how to kiss so we can’t do that. Sorry.”
“What—” Jeno shakes his head, laughing out loud. “What does that even mean? This doesn’t exist, Jisungie. Things don’t work like that. Do you want to kiss me or not?”
“I do!” Jisung exclaims. “But we can’t! Nope! I can’t give you a bad kiss so this means we can’t kiss at all!”
“Then how can you get better at kissing if you don’t practice? You can’t master something on your first try.”
There’s silence for a second but then Jisung shrugs. “I guess this is the life I must live with. If I don’t try something then I can’t be bad at it.”
“Sungie… You don’t need to be afraid. I mean, you can’t help but be nervous, I get that. But it’s me… It’s just me. I’m not expecting something big or—”
“I won’t know how to use my tongue at all and—”
“Jisung,” Jeno cuts him off, gently. He huffs a small laughter and pats down on Jisung’s thigh. “Calm down. We’d start slow. Very, very slow. You’re not shoving your tongue down my throat right now, okay? So… Do you want to? Like, I’ve heard I’m quite a good teacher so you won’t be disappointed. I’m very qualified.”
Well. That definitely doesn’t add up at all to all the stories he heard at the kitchen table. Raising his eyebrows, Jisung says, “You’ve only kissed one person in your entire life, hyung. You told us that before.”
It’s Jeno’s turn to pause and stutter, to flush a little and squirm in place. “W-well… Yeah. So I guess we can learn together, right?”
Jisung releases another noise, completely mortified. One side of him wishes he had never, ever entered Jeno’s bedroom and that talk happened, while another part of him celebrates the fact that his crush likes him back. “I’ll die,” he says. “I think I’m gonna die right now.”
“Can you, like, die after the kiss, then? Because I’d really like to kiss you.”
Jisung makes another noise, but he can’t help but perk up and look at Jeno with puppy-like eyes. “For real? Like, for real real?”
Jeno nods his head, chuckling. “Yes, Sungie, for real real.”
“Oh. I guess that… I guess that's okay, hyung. But you can’t complain afterwards, okay? I’ve warned you.”
“Yes, Sungie, I get it.”
And, with a smaller voice, Jisung adds, “Do you promise me you won’t complain?”
Jeno vehemently nods his head, his hair flopping against his forehead. Suddenly, he’s serious. “I promise you.”
Jisung gulps. His heart beats so fast and so loudly that Jisung needs to fist the sheets below him to keep himself in place.
Jeno leans in and his face gets closer, and Jisung can feel the little puffs of air against his cheeks.
“Are you sure?” Jeno asks.
Jisung nods. He’s nervous — so fucking nervous — but he’s also a little excited and his hands are sweating like crazy and his stomach is turning over and over again.
“Yeah.”
Jisung doesn’t know if he should close his eyes or not, but before he can even overthink about it, Jeno closes the distance between them and their lips touch each other so quickly that if Jisung had blinked he would have missed it all.
“Just this?”
Jeno raises an eyebrow. “Do you want more?”
He suddenly feels brave, something hot running through his veins. Jisung nods his head. “Yes, I want more.”
With the sudden surge of boldness appearing inside of him, Jisung cradles the side of Jeno’s face and pulls him back in, slowly, letting him have the time to escape or break away from his touch, but Jeno just lets Jisung guide him back and they repeatedly brush their lips together. It’s slow and warm and it makes Jisung feel all tingly inside. He feels like maybe they’re doing something wrong, but it doesn't exactly feel wrong.
Just different.
But when Jeno slots their lips together in a different way, angling his head to the side, the tip of his nose grazing Jisung’s cheeks, his lips pressing with a little more force and intent behind them, Jisung feels like a million butterflies have been released inside of his chest and he breaks the kiss to giggle.
Jeno immediately follows him and they laugh together, pecking each other over and over again until Jisung hides his face against Jeno’s chest and groans out loud, a mix of emotions taking over his body.
He feels a little bit of everything — shy, ecstatic, happy, embarrassed, nervous.
Jeno caresses Jisung’s nape, letting him have his time to feel and reflect on everything that had happened.
“Will we kiss more?” Jisung asks shyly, his voice becoming a little muffled from being pressed against Jeno’s chest.
“Do you want to?”
“Yes, please.”
Jisung lifts his gaze and meets Jeno’s eyes. There’s a nervous smile that plays on his lips but Jisung crosses the distance to peck Jeno again, breaking off in another giggle that Jeno copies, his eyes crinkling at the corner.
“This isn’t that bad,” Jisung comments after a while, after he gets another little kiss from Jeno, after he gathers the courage to use his hands and run them through Jeno’s hair.
“I agree,” Jeno says, humming. “You’re not even bad at it. It’s almost like you’ve kissed six times before.”
Jisung groans and scrunches up his nose. “Six?”
Jeno nods. “Six.” He leans forward and kisses him again. “Or maybe seven.”
“Make it eight, then,” Jisung says, pecking Jeno again and smiling right after.