Work Text:
Thunderstorms are fascinating, they always where for Hwanwoong. As a child he always went onto the balcony to watch the lightnings travel thought the sky. He still remembered that many friends he knew didn’t liked the thunder that followed the lightnings, but he didn’t cared about that. His grandpa always counted the seconds between the lightning and the thunder to find out about how near it was. The adults complained about how they would wake up from the thunder during the nights, but Hwanwoong always slept thought them. Thunderstorms where amazing, until they weren’t anymore.
~🌙~
He still remembered how he went on vacation with his uncle and aunt. It was in another country so with his 7 years Hwanwoong would be on the plane for the first time. He was super interested in all the different things you could find at the airport, and the planes where so huge. Thought the speakers he could hear over and over again that flights got canceled because of the weather. He looked outside but couldn’t see anything wrong, the sky was clear, and the sun warmed him through the big windows.
Soon his uncle called for him to come back so they could board the plane. Hwanwoong looked up to his aunt and saw her nervous look on her face. “Why do you look so nervous? Look at the cool plane we’re boarding. Appa said that on the plane they bring you snacks, and you can see the clouds reeeeealy big.”
His aunt smiled at him and stroked his hair. “There is a thunderstorm coming Hwanwoong, they’re dangerous. Auntie is just worried about the plane still flying. Sungwoo should we really fly? It’s way too dangerous.” His aunt said while looking at her husband.
“Nari could you just finally stop worrying.” Hwanwoongs uncle answered annoyed.
Hwanwoong couldn’t understand his aunts worry. Thunderstorms are cool, and his eomma said they look even cooler from an airplane because then you’re over the thunderstorm.
He didn’t paid attention to it anymore when they boarded their plane. Everything looked so new and interesting. He was able to sit at the window and the men in the orange jacket even waved at him! The start was kind off weird because it made his tummy feel funny. Around an hour into the flight Hwanwoong saw the first lightning in the clouds. It looked really pretty so he turned to his aunt and uncle to tell them about it. His aunt suddenly looked really horrified and grabbed his arm.
“Hwanwoong you need to move away from the window. Please swap seats with you uncle.” His aunt said while looking outside of the window.
Hwanwoong didn’t liked that. He wanted to see the thunderstorm because it looked so cool above the clouds. ‘’But me and Mr. tiger to watch the lightning!’’ He whined
His aunt grabbed his arm and tore him onto the other seat which made Hwanwoong cry out in pain. ‘’That hurts auntie. Why are you so mean? You’re so mean.’’ Hwanwoong cried while hugging his tiger plushie.
‘’This is for your best Hwanwoong! The lightning will hit the window and then it breaks. So the father you’re away from the window the saver you’re! I don’t want you to die and you will when you stay besides that window. So listen to me for once and stay there!’’ His aunt answered angrily, she wasn’t up for a discussion, so Hwanwoong sat back pouting.
~🌙~
After that Hwanwoong realized a few weird things in his aunts behavior. She always looked after him when his parents were at work but now he saw the change whenever a thunderstorm is about to roll in.
When Hwanwoong sat on the couch watching his favorite cartoon she turned the tv off. “When the lighting hits the house it will start burning.”
Whenever Hwanwoong wanted to open the window to look at the thunderstorm better he got pulled back by her. “Lightning can hit you through the window! Do you want to die?”
He got really frustrated with his aunt and complained to his parents about it. After that his aunt stopped coming. His grandpa was now watching him, and he would always look at the thunderstorms with him which made Hwanwoong really happy.
~🌙~
Only a few years later Hwanwoong realized how his aunts own panic affected him. He was now 23 years old and super afraid of thunderstorms. The lightning made him think of all the places it could hit and hurt him, the thunder was too loud and frightened him. But the worst of all was the heavy rain and the strong wind. Storms can be really dangerous, things can fly thought their window, threes can hit them or worse, a tornado could happen. Hwanwoong had read about it, he knew they were extremely rare in Korea because the air is stable and the region is hilly, but everything became more and more crazy so what if it suddenly happens? What if it happens and it hits where he is? Or worse, where his family or friends are.
He knew he was illogical, and that’s why he never told his member about his fear. He tried really hard not to show any kind of discomfort when he heard the first thunder, and during the night he stayed on his phone to watch the radar.
He couldn’t understand it, he couldn’t understand how his aunts words could make him panic after all these years. He was fine as a kid, he was fine after all the things she said so why wasn’t he fine anymore? Everything seemed to get smaller when the first thunder rips through the sky. The trees suddenly looked so big, could they reach the dorm? The windows seemed unstable, so could they suddenly shatter? Oneus was with him in the practice room, but he heard that Onewe went out just half an hour ago, would they be fine?
Hwanwoong didn’t wanted to ask these questions. After all he was already 23 years old, he shouldn’t be afraid of something like thunderstorms. The urge to look at the radar was big, but he couldn’t risk to get caught by his members, so he tried to swallow down the lump in his thought and get his mind occupied with dancing. After all that’s what always helped. No matter if the thunderstorm would be five minutes long or two hours. He would just keep dancing, no matter how much his body started screaming for a break. It was the only thing keeping him occupied from the thunderstorms.
Luckily, summer was almost over, so the thunderstorms would stop, and he could live calmly until next year.
~🌙~
It was the same thing every year. The first thunderstorms always were ok, Hwanwoong didn’t felt panicked. He always thought he finally defeated his fear of thunderstorms and could finally get through summer without the constant fear of one rolling in. It all went well until on thunderstorm woke him up during the night. The thunder ripped through the sky and the rain hit the window so strong that it seemed like it would break soon. Hwanwoong could feel his heart beating faster, sweat started running down his temples and his whole body was trembling so strong that he couldn’t control it. He knew what it was, he knew he was having a panic attack. Right at this moment he heard the sirens of the firetrucks coming towards them and rushing past their building. Hwanwoong threw his blanket off of him and run towards the bathroom, the constant lightnings lit up the dark dorm. Right when he sat down in front of the toilet he felt the first wave of vomit in his mouth. He wouldn’t have a panic attack often, he was hoping so much that he would survive this summer without a panic attack. They were horrible, his whole body cramped up and the first tears ran down his face.
Just then Hwanwoong felt a hand on his back, and when he looked to the side he saw Youngjo sitting besides him. That’s when his breath became stagged, he was found out. They would make fun of him for being afraid of such a small thunderstorm.
“Hwanwoong, everything is alright. You’re alright ok?” Youngjo said in a calm voice while running his hand through the youngers hair. “Are you sick?”
Before Hwanwoong could answer another thunder ripped through the silent night. Hwanwoong flinched in Youngjos arms. “Hwanwoong, could it be that you’re afraid of the thunderstorm?”
“Please don’t make fun of me” Hwanwoong started when the nausea calmed down enough to speak. “I know its childish to be afraid of a little bit of light and sound. I know that but my body is still reacting like this. Yes I’m afraid of them. I’m so scared that I can’t think about anything other than the many things that can go wrong. I know its stupid, I know it really. But I can’t just stop it.” More tears streamed down Hwanwoongs face. He was so embarrassed and scared.
Suddenly he felt a hand swiping away his tears and he looked into the face of his hyung. “Hwanwoong you never need to be embarrassed of the things you fear. Fears are nothing only kids feel, there are many adults that struggle with fears. I sadly can’t take them from you, but I can help you calm down. And the other member can too, we just need to explain it to them. You don’t need to always be strong, let us care for you.”
New tears formed in Hwanwoongs eyes. How could he ever think that his members would laugh about his fear? It’s just been a few weeks ago where they let Dongmyeong sleep at their place because he was afraid of the dark. Everyone was understanding towards him so why would they now laugh. Maybe they could really help him calm down after all.
“Hyung.” Hwanwoong started when the tears stopped. “Can I maybe sleep in your bed tonight? I know its child…”
He was stopped when Youngjo started talking. “Seriously Hwanwoong, you don’t need to worry. Of course you can sleep with me tonight. And tomorrow we will talk with the others to see what else we can do to help you.”
The older took his hand and helped him up. After Hwanwoong brushed his teeth they both went into the bedroom Youngjo shared with Seoho and Geonhak. They laid down in bed and Hwanwoong laid his head down on the olders shoulder. “Sleep Hwanwoong, I’m going to protect you.”
The thunderstorm was still raging outside, but for the first time Hwanwoong didn’t cared about it. He was still feeling the fear, but besides his hyung he felt save for the first time again.