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This was fine. It was fine being called home in the middle of spring. It was fine. The path was green, and he wasn’t as far away from the keep as he would be during the summer or early autumn. Most of the spring ephemerals had wilted, whilst other flowering plants started to bloom. He stopped a couple of times on his way to collect some- The ones that would be useful for making potions or healing wounds or curing illness were important to have, But he never took more than he needed.
A child surprise? Fine, they could handle that. But Eskel didn’t want to be a part of that “they”. He had messed up once before with something like this, and paid the price for it too. He ran his fingers across the scars on his face, thinking back to his child surprise and the mistakes that he had made, the mistakes that had almost ruined him entirely.
The only thing he was looking forward to would be seeing his brothers, his father and getting to see his husband. He only got to see Coën in the winter, orif they happened to cross paths during the rest of the year. Being home, seeing his family were the only things that made him smile as he traveled up the mountain to the keep. It was weird there being no snow, and no ice up the mountain. He felt like a younger boy again being made to run the killer in the spring.
Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad, they are just a kid. Lambert was a child surprise and he turned out well, Lambert was fine.
He would help Geralt, even if he didn’t want to. Eskel would always help Geralt. They were best friends, brothers. Geralt had always been there for Eskel, and Eskel had been there for him. They supported each other during the trials- when Eskel was injured, when Geralt had fucked up. They both helped one another.
He smiled slightly to himself as he got Scorpion settled in the stables, readjusted his bag on his back, pushed open the large wooden doors and stepped into the main hall. It felt strange to be home in the spring; for once the keep was colder inside than it was outside. There he saw Geralt’s bard sitting at the end of a long wooden table. He was writing something down, with a glass of wine placed on the table in front of him. Hearing the sound of the door open made the bard look up. He smiled and waved at Eskel, who politely waved back.
“Hello, Jullian.” Eskel said as he continued on his way across the old hall to the stairs, he wanted to put his stuff down and see his goats.
“I told you, call me Jaskier.” The bard chuckled.
“Who else is here already?” Eskel paused next to the table, looking over at what Jaskier was scribbling down in his journal. It looked like it was a new poem. Eskel smirked, from the wording he could guess that it was a love poem, probably about Geralt.
“Hmm, well, Vesemir is here, and Lambert should be here in a day or so.”
“And you’re just here all alone, bard?”
“Oh! and Geralt's outside, he will want to see you and he will want you to meet Ciri too.”
Eskel nodded and continued up the stairs. He supposed that he would have to meet the child surprise eventually, but he had just gotten home. He grunted as he made his way past the threshold of his room. He started to take his armor off- he didn’t need to wear his armor all the time, it was spring; there was no need for extra layers.
Eskel leaned his swords up against the opposite wall, and then started to unpack his bag. He placed his potions neatly in a drawer where they would be safe. He placed a couple of rocks he had picked up on the path, it was just something he did. Each rock came from somewhere, It wasn’t important where they came from. He would just pick them up. Some of them were shiny, or odd colored, crystals or just normal pebbles. He just liked to collect them. Rocks don’t go anywhere and don’t change much, unlike; people, a rock wouldn’t judge you. Eskel honestly just found rocks interesting, and good to have on hand, just in case he misplaced his swords and potions and needed something to just throw at an enemy. He placed the rocks on his bookshelf, and turned to face the fireplace.
He didn't need the fire right then, but the keep was always chilly, so he had to dust it out to prepare for the fire he would eventually need to light.
After he had gotten all of his things sorted and put away, he made the bed. Coën would be on his way and he planned on sleeping in the same bed as his husband. He could only find the thick wool sheets and furs they used during the winter so he left the room and swiftly headed up to the library, where vesemir was most of the time. When he got there the room smelled like it always did- of old books and dust, with an underlying scent of ash. Vesemir was seated in his chair with a book opened in his hands. He looked up at Eskel and smiled, his face crinkled a bit but reflected joy to see one of his sons home.
“Hello Eskel. Looking for a book? I thought you would be busy unpacking?”
“No-well, yes, I am unpacking.” Eskel smiled as Vesmeir stood up and pulled his pup into a Hug.
“It’s good to have you home.” Vesmeir pulled away, his hand were still on Eskels shoulders,
“Now what can I do for you?”
“Do you know where the thinner blankets are? It’s not as cold and I’m afraid we may overheat with the normal blankets.”
The older Witcher nodded, “I’m sure we can find some.”
Both of them left the library and walked around until they came to a room used for storage. As the both were digging around the room vesemir turned to Eskel, “I know this may be difficult for you right now, But Geralt is going to need help with his daughter. And I would like it if you could try to help him in any way. Ciri is a good kid.” Eskel nodded.
they eventually found the sheets, and Eskel headed back to his room
He smiled as he walked back into his room- soon he would get to be with his husband. He could deal with his brother’s child surprise if it meant getting to see Coën again. Eskel finished making the bed and smiled at his handiwork. He then picked a small wooden ring up from off the dresser, and slipped it on. He only wore it when he was at the keep, because he was afraid that it would get lost or damaged or broken.
He went back down stairs and made a right. Heading outside, the warm sun heated up his dark hair. When he reached the training area he stopped there was Geralt- his best friend and brother- And a Girl-The child surprise, The young princess, With supposed powers or whatever. Eskel didn’t see anything special or different about Ciri, she was just a kid. Maybe a kid with a bit more chaos around her then most, but still, just a kid.
Eskel started backing out of the doorway, but it was no use. Geralt spun around and smiled, bounding over.
“Eskel! It is great to see you!” Geralt pulled the larger witcher into a tight hug. Eskel sighed and hugged him back. He smelled of winter, of pine and of his bard. It was calming in a sense, that it was a smell he connected to his home. The hug ended and Geralt pulled away. He patted the young girl on the back.
“And this is Ciri, My daughter, technically.” Ciri’s blonde hair was a mess, Eskel swore he could see a bird's nest in her hair. He definitely saw a twig and a leaf or two. Though when they were younger, Geralt’s hair was the same way. Eskel considered mentioning to Jaskier about brushing Ciri’s hair. But that sounded like a nightmarish task, if Ciri’s hair was as thick and knotted as it looked. The girl smiled politely and waved. But Eskel saw the fear that lingered in her eyes as they followed the lines of scars on his face. Everyone was always scared of him, none of it mattered much to Eskel anymore. But it still hurt, no matter how much time had passed.
He wished he could just make them go away. Not like he hadn’t tried in the past
He nodded a hello. And then excused himself. He decided to help vesemir in the kitchen
———
In the week that passed, Eskel worked on doing repairs around the keep. Trying his best to stay out of everyone’s way. He would still run into Geralt, and they would talk the same way that they used to. But it was different now.
Geralt had more of an air of caution around him. But they still laughed and joked like they used to. Geralt had a couple of new scars but they were all smaller than what he usually came home sporting.
Eskel hummed, thinking that at least Ciri was making Geralt be more careful on the path, and that was something he was happy about. Geralt needed to be more careful in the first place.
He could have talked to Geralt for hours if it wasn’t for Ciri frequently interrupting. Every time Eskel saw her she always tried and failed not to stare at the scars on his face. On the off chance that Geralt would notice, He would usually
distract Ciri with something, usually a bird would fly in through a window or there would be something old and interesting on the ground and that was enough to keep her occupied or at least redirect her attention off eskel.
One day he was talking to Geralt, telling him a story about how he fell face first into a river because he wasn’t watching where he was going. When he noticed Ciri’s little blonde head bouncing down the stairs she came and stood right next to Geralt. Eskel smiled warily and gave a little wave.
The girl grinned and before Geralt or anyone could stop her she asked, “how did you get those scars on your face? Why is it all messed up like that? Was it a big monster?! Does it hurt? How big were the claws?!”
And a litany of other questions. Eskel just froze for a moment and Geralt’s eyes widened with panic, as he quickly tried to defuse the situation.
“Hey sweetie, Uncle Eskel doesn’t really like to talk about it okay?”
“But Why?”
“It’s just a bad memory. You have to respect his privacy okay?”
“Awe, okay” Ciri looked a bit dejected as she walked off, kicking a stone as she went.
Geralt sighed and gave Eskel a sympathetic look.
“She just is curious, she didn’t mean any harm by it.”
Eskel nodded and sighed, leaning his head against the cool stone wall.
The next day at dinner time, Eskel was gnawing at a piece of bread when the great hall doors opened. Eskel perked up, and smiled as he ran to the door and pulled the figure into a close hug. It was Coën, his husband, his lover. Coen smiled and picked eskel up as he hugged him back.
Causing eskel to start chuckling, it was so very rare that someone could pick him up. And he loved every moment of it. Coen also chuckled and put him back down. Holding their foreheads together for a moment just looking at each other.
They then pressed their hands up next to each other's hand. Then they put up one finger at a time, to make sure they both still had ten fingers. They both giggled a little bit and intertwined their fingers.
“I hope that I didn’t miss dinner? Who’s cooking?”
“Lambert is doing the cooking tonight.”
“Well then, maybe I hope I did miss dinner.”
They both laughed and kissed each other. No one made him feel as comfortable and as happy as Coen did.
“Oh! I brought you something.” Coën smiled and rifled through his bag and pulled out an object wrapped in wax cloth.
“Oh, what is this?” Eskel asked, raising his eyebrow, looking at Coen sceptically. Coen just smiled and handed him the bundle. Eskel opened and when he saw what was inside his eyes lit up.
“Oh! Coen this is so sweet!” in his hands was chocolate shaped like a goat. Eskel smiled and kissed Coen on the cheek.
“I thought you deserved something sweet and nice, you don’t get to have treats often.”
Eskel was practically glowing with love and happiness as he ate the chocolate goat. He savored it, letting the chocolate melt on his tongue, Enjoying the sweet taste of it. He let the sounds of the hall drown out around him, just focusing on his treat and on his husband. Everything felt perfect at that moment. Nothing could ruin this, not even a princess child surprise. Nothing would ruin his time being home.
After dinner they went up to their respective rooms. Eskel was still smiling, holding Coen’s hand tightly as they climbed up the stairs. They talked about what they had seen on the path, any new scars, the biggest monster they had fought. It was the best Eskel had felt since he had left the keep end of last winter.
~~
It was the middle of the night, and Eskel was restless. He kept tossing and turning, not being able to fall asleep. At some point in his constant moving he had managed to wake Coën up, after having accidentally kicked him. His husband sighed and rolled over.
“What’s wrong?” Coën yawned, looking at Eskel who had finally stopped moving and was now sitting up on the edge of the bed.
“What if I ruin everything? What if I ruin things for Geralt? And then he’ll hate me and everything will go bad. And then the whole keep will turn against me.”
“What do you mean,Eskel?”
"His child surprise- what if I mess things up for him just like how I messed up my own? What if everything goes south and everything ends up ruined? What if I do something wrong and then she turns out evil and it’s my fault? What if I didn’t just leave it alone, or if I'm not good enough at being her uncle and she gets angry at Geralt because of it?"
“It won’t.”
“But you don’t know that!”
“And neither do you, Eskel. I don’t know what’s going to happen but neither do you. and I know you aren’t going to make the same mistakes you did in the past. And Geralt wouldn’t let you ruin anything, he loves you and he trusts you. Now let us go back to sleep okay?”
Eskel nodded and laid back down, facing up at the ceiling. Coën falls back asleep next to him pretty quickly, but Eskel stares up at the ceiling for a while longer. Eventually drifting off into sleep.
_____
“You missed a spot!,” Lambert shouted up to Eskel, who was standing on an old ladder trying to dust out an even older window. Eskel grumbled and threw the rag at Lambert, just barely missing him, Causing the younger witcher to howl with laughter. Eskel made his way down the ladder, as Lambert continued to chuckle and slapped Eskel on the shoulder.
“So what do you think?”
“Of what? Of how bad you smell?”, Eskel laughed as Lambert rolled his eyes and playfully punched Eskels arm.
“No dumbass. You don’t smell great either, you know.” Lambert grinned and ducked, missing a playful hit from Eskel.
“No, of Geralt’s Child surprise.” Lambert stuck his tongue out at the words “child surprise.”
“I dunno how I feel. I mean, I guess I’m glad she’s safe? And she is making Geralt be more careful at least.”
“Yeah I guess? I just think all of it is stupid. Yes Geralt I’m happy for your congratulations. But also Geralt you fucking dumb ass why would you even invoke the law of surprise.”
“Yeah, Geralt is just a dumbass but so are you Lambert. But I hear what you’re saying. All of us have seen first hand how bad it can go.” And as he says that Eskel points to his own face. And Lambert nods in agreement. They continued to talk for a while. It was nice to catch up with lambert. He told Eskel about how he met a cat witcher which caused Eskel to snarl but Lambert assured him that it was all okay, They had become friends. Lambert explained how The cat witcher, Aiden,was his name, made him feel. Aiden made him feel wanted, and worthy. And he didn’t care about his past or what witcher school he was from, he only cared about who Lambert was. How he was actually kind of scared of how Aiden made him feel. And Eskel told Lambert that maybe it was a good feeling, maybe he and Aiden could be more than friends. If Lambert wasn’t a dumbass and actually said something to the Cat. Lambert promised he would the next time they met on the path.
Eskel was walking through the stone hallways, the sound of fight training echoed in from outside. Geralt was training Ciri like usual. Eskel had helped on occasion but he had been mostly staying away. He didn’t want to ruin things for Geralt. He didn’t trust himself to not ruin things, to not accidentally make Ciri hate Geralt. Golden light shone through the windows casting golden puddles on the floor of the old castle.
He sighed as he walked, dragging his hand across the wall, feeling all the imperfections in the stone, little knicks in the wall from long dead children running with swords. Gashes and chunks missing from the stone from exposure to the elements, a scorch mark from a particularly rowdy student who had just learned how to use Axi. He chuckles, Lambert was so proud of himself, and dare he even say hotheaded.
Though all those things are still true to this day, Lambert had grown and learned so much since then. But the memory still made Eskel chuckle. These walls held so many old stories and memories.
He made it to the end of the hallway where it opened up to the outside training area to the left, and the great hall if you kept going straight. More of the golden light pooled in from the opening. He paused for a moment and turned to look outside. It was a nice day out, not too hot or too cold, and there was a nice breeze; he saw Ciri holding a knife, and Geralt standing right in her path. And for a second Eskel could have sworn it was Deirdre and not Ciri standing there. He didn’t even think, he honestly didn’t even remember moving. But he opened his eyes, to find that he was standing between Ciri and Geralt, a Quen shield thrown up around him.
Ciri’s eyes were wide and she dropped the knife , it clattered to the stone floor. It had just been a dull training knife. Geralt looked equally as shocked, and Eskel just looked around noticing what he had done; both ciri and Geralt had just been training, he recognized the armor ciri was wearing as mismatched pieces of armor from the time when the keep was alive and thriving. Geralt was wearing armor too. How could he have been so foolish? They were just training. The whole reason Geralt had brought her here in the first place. He fell to his knees, the Quen shield falling down along with him. He held his head in his hands.
Great job eskel. You did it, congratulations you ruined everything. Again. He could feel tears pooling in the palms of his hands. The tears stung his eyes a little bit, Of course he would do this, fuck everything up just like how he did with his own child surprise.
He heard Geralt whisper something, but he didn’t care to pay attention to figure out what he had said but a couple seconds later he heard small footsteps run out of the pavilion.
Of course he scared her, that’s what he did, didn’t he? That’s all he ever did. Scare people, make them fear him. Geralt and his bard worked hard to fix the reputation of Witchers but with one glance of Eskels face, he destroyed all that work. He was exactly what people feared Witchers to be; a monster.
He ruined everything he touched.
He suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder read he flinched away, looking up he saw that it was Geralt and he looked worried.
“Hey hey, Eskel, it’s okay” Eskel just shook his head. He knew it wasn’t okay. It wouldn’t be okay, and Geralt was just lying to him.
“I’m sorry, I should have warned you about Ciri before you arrived at the keep. I know you have a bad history with things like this.” Geralt paused and Eskel rubbed his eyes. “She really is a sweet and kind girl. She was so excited to meet you too, you know.”
Eskel sniffled, “really?”
“Yes really, I told her about how you’re the best Witcher with magic and signs and she was so excited. She has a gift with chaos and magic, and she was excited to learn from you.”
“Is...is she scared of me now? Did I ruin your relationship with your child?”
“No no of course not, if anything she’s just worried about you, the same as I am. And no, eskel you could never ruin that. I’m half scared that I’m gonna fuck it all up. I’m not good with people.”
“Yeah, you are a fucking idiot but at least you have your bard.”
Geralt laughs and Eskel smiles, starting to feel better.
“You should spend some time with Ciri. She is really wonderful and super smart.”
“I think-I think I can try.” Eskel nods, rubbing his eyes one more time he pulls himself to his feet.
“Are you going to be okay?”
Eskel nodded again in response and gave Geralt a hug. Geralt hugged him back and patted him on the back to reassure him. They both exited the pavilion back into the Grey keep.
___
That night Eskel had another nightmare. he saw Deirdre holding the knife, her arm arching. He woke up in a cold sweat right before it made contact with his face. Coën was asleep still next to him, not noticing Eskels panic next to him.
Eskel got out of bed and changed his shirt to one that wasn’t soaked in sweat. He opened a window to let some of the cool night air into the room. He walked back to the bed to lay down,
trying to fall back asleep. He laid there for hours listening to the sounds of the night time animals to try to calm down. And eventually falling back asleep.
The next day Eskel was taking care of Lil bleater, when Ciri came running into the dusty barn skidding a bit on the hay that was on the ground. She ducked behind a barrel, and Eskel raised an eyebrow at her when she giggled and made a “shushing” gesture.
Lambert walked up to the barn “did ciri come into here? I’m supposed to train her today but apparently she doesn’t want to learn to make bombs.” Eskel chuckled and decided to side with Ciri on this one, “no I haven’t seen her all day, have you checked the kitchen?”
Lambert sighed and walked off.
“Now,” Eskel turned to the princess, “what is this about not wanting to train with lambert?”
“Bombs are stupid!” She declared which caused Eskel to laugh.
“What’s the name of your goat?”
“Her name is Lil bleater. Here, come here. If you’re careful, I bet she’ll let you pet her.”
Ciri’s eyes light up and she rushes over, holding her hand out in front of the small goat. Lil bleater pushed her head against Ciri’s hand causing the princess to giggle. Eskel smiled and got an idea.
“Okay come here, we can’t be slacking on your training, Geralt will be very cross with me .” Ciri sighed “aweeeee okay.”
“Come on, has Geralt shown you signs yet?” Her eyes light up once more and she starts practically bouncing where she was standing.
“No! He hasn’t!!!”
“Well then I guess I should step it up where he hadn’t.”
Eskel smiled as he showed Ciri some of the signs. Not all of them, he would teach her some of the more tricky ones later, but ones like igni he felt safe showing her now. Her eyes sparkled as she watched each hand movement; she listened respectfully to each explanation and she asked a bunch of questions. Some Eskel could answer and others he could not. Before he knew it, the golden sun was setting behind the tall pine trees that lined the bottom of the mountain that the keep was on. He stood up, “well it’s probably dinner time, let’s head in, lion cub.” Ciri smiled and followed him inside the keep.
Dinner that night felt the most natural it had since Eskel arrived. Ciri kept asking him questions and he answered them the best he could. But she just kept asking more. He didn’t mind it so much now. But he still couldn’t keep up with the speed at which the questions were being asked.
“Let Eskel Eat. And leave him be.”, Geralt said finally, and Ciri nodded saying “sorry Uncle Eskel” in return.
Eskel squeezed Coen’s hand who turned to make sure that he was okay, only to see that Eskel had tears in his eyes and a smile on his face. Being called Uncle Eskel meant a lot to him. He knew now that there was no way he could mess any of this up. Coen chuckled and kissed his nose. “You’re so wonderful.” And Eskel smiled back, eating the rest of his soup. He stole a piece of coens roll and Coen made a preten offended face, gasping to be dramatic.
“How dare you!” He stole a bite of Eskels roll as payback. To which Eskel stole a spoon full of Coens soup.
They all laughed and helped clean up from supper, while Jaskier was playing a song on his lute. Lambert was beating them all at Gwent, and Eskel was pretty sure he was cheating somehow. It was very pleasant, and the world felt all together at peace.
That night as they went to bed, Eskel slept peacefully. Not a single nightmare plagued his slumber.
He woke up the next morning well rested, the rising sun filling the sky with a pale pink. Coen was still asleep when Eskel left the room.
He went outside to the wood pile and picked up a small piece of wood. He then went to the barn and sat down. Taking out a knife he started whittling the wood. At first it was blocky and resembled nothing, but slowly and surely it started to take form, it was going to be a goat. And after he had finished that one, he started a second one. He almost cut his finger but he luckily didn’t. It was soothing in a way the rising sun casted just enough light into the barn and the repetitive motion matched his breathing. He enjoyed wood carving. He finished the second figure, it was a lion, and he began a third. He started to get into the groove of things now. Carving delicately detailed feathers, and a beak, small little feet, until he was holding a wooden lark. And then he started the fourth figure. Carving small paw pads, and score marks as fur he carved a wolf out of the lighter part of the wood, setting it down he picked up the darker part of the wood and started to carve a cat. Until he had a goat, a wolf, a lark, a cat, and a lion. He smiled and put them in a small leather bag, and tied it up. He hoped that Ciri would like them. He stood up and stretched.
The orange yellow sun hung in the middle of the sky now. He had been whittling all morning, he headed inside the keep and followed the sound of yelling and training. This time the scene before him didn’t phase him. He didn’t jump in or react; he respectfully waited. Leaning against the stone wall waiting for the round to be over and when it was he motioned for Ciri to come over. She ran over smiling.
“Yes Uncle Eskel?! Did you see me??!!! Dad Geralt says I’m getting much better!!”
“I did see you, you’re doing so much better, little lion cub. I’m very proud of you, but look I have something for you.” He handed the little leather bag to the girl and she opened it and excitedly looked at the figures.
“Wow!! These are wonderful Uncle Eskel! Did you make them?”
“Yes, I did, I made them just for you.”
“Woah! Thank you so much.”, she smiled, putting them back in the bag and then she hugged him. And Eskel practically beamed. He was so happy. Happy that Ciri liked him, that he couldn’t fuck this up. It was different, it wasn’t like his own kid. This time, he was trying, he wasn’t running away, and it wasn’t mainly his destiny, he was still happy. Ciri was part of his family now. Part of his pack, and that made him happy.