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English
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Published:
2021-06-20
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1,572
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1/1
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James Diamond vs. Yuma the Pig

Summary:

James engages in an intense battle for Kendall’s attention.

With a pig.

Notes:

I love Kendall and Yuma so much. SO freaking cute

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

 

When Kendall first brought a baby pig home, James had thought his enthusiasm was insanely cute.

The blond cooed over the piglet and held her close to his chest, kissing her little face and laughing at the way she squirmed around. James was immediately enamored with this version of his boyfriend, all soft and attentive toward the small animal. 

But to be fair, he doubted that there was a version of Kendall that he wouldn’t be in love with.

James didn’t think anything more of the newest addition to their home other than that he was glad Kendall was so happy with the pet.

It wasn’t until after the first week with Yuma did James realize what he had truly gotten into.

Kendall was adamant about doing everything with the pig. He loved to sing to her whenever he was practicing on his guitar, and he would take her on walks at least twice a day so she could get her energy out. On weekends, they would go to the dog park to play with the curious puppies, and Kendall even went as far as to sit on the kitchen floor with Yuma while she ate her meals.

It wasn’t like the blond was ignoring his boyfriend, but James wasn’t used to sharing Kendall’s attention for an extended period of time. Logan and Carlos always got what they needed then hurried off to do their own shenanigans, or at the very least, Kendall would try to keep it as fair as possible when they were all in a group together.

But with Yuma, James found himself getting jealous over all the love and coddling she received from his boyfriend, despite knowing that he was being ridiculous.

However, he couldn’t help but say something about it when Kendall came home with an actual baby stroller, for goodness’ sake.

The blond pouted as he finished building the stroller, walking carefully to the couch as Yuma weaved in between his legs.

“It’s my money,” He said while picking up the pig and putting her on the cushion, “I can do what I want.”

James rolled his eyes and moved across the living room, “Sure, babe.”

The younger man laid down on the couch and James sat nearby to cuddle him, but before he could settle in his spot, Yuma scurried up and stole it.

Kendall laughed, eyes twinkling with mirth as he spooned the small animal. 

James internally cursed his bad luck.

You win this round, pig.


.

“Maybe Kendall has baby fever.” Carlos said thoughtfully as they watched their friend teach Yuma tricks in the park. 

Logan shrugged and took another sip of his iced tea, “I’ve never seen him like this before. It’s kinda weird. Cute, but weird.”

Suddenly, James snapped his fingers together, “Wait, that’s it!”

His raised voice caught Kendall’s attention, causing the blond to jog back to the group.

“What’s up?” He asked, disentangling himself from Yuma’s leash as she ran in circles around his legs.

James pointed at his boyfriend, “You have Hollywood Fever!”

The younger man gave him an unimpressed look, “I do not.”

“Kendall,” Logan sighed, gesturing toward Yuma who was now biting at the blond’s jeans, “You got a pig .”

“So?” Kendall challenged, crossing his arms over his chest, “You became a hippie stoner when you got the Fever, James got addicted to spray tans, and Carlos became a freaking Jennifer. I think in comparison, I’m doing pretty fine.”

Carlos leaned over and patted Yuma’s head, causing her to snuff happily and trot under the table.

“I think it’s harmless.” Carlos said, looking at Logan with big, brown eyes.

Logan sighed and reached down to pet Yuma, “You don’t have to look at me like that. We weren’t going to take her away.”

“Great,” Kendall smiled dangerously, “Because it’d be over my dead body.”


.

A scandalized gasp drew James’ attention away from his cooking breakfast. 

He turned to see Kendall, sleep-rumpled and wearing only boxers, giving him an impressive glare that was usually only reserved for the times James was especially stupid.

Immediately, James ran through a list in his head of what Kendall could be upset about, “What?”

Kendall groaned, pointing at the frying pan then at their pet, “You can’t cook bacon in front of Yuma!”

Sure enough, the pig was laying in her bed looking directly at James. The bacon sizzling in the pan added insult to injury by popping loudly and spraying a drop of hot oil onto the brunet’s arm.

Kendall turned Yuma’s bed around so she wasn’t looking into the kitchen and draped a blanket over the animal. Yuma snuggled deeper into the soft fabric and began to doze off while Kendall strode over to finally kiss James good morning.

“I see where your priorities are.” James teased, shutting off the fire to avoid another incident where they almost burned down their house while fooling around.

Kendall smirked, running his fingers through his boyfriend’s soft hair, “Don’t be jealous, Jamie.”


.

James and Kendall were walking Yuma down the street when a flashy car pulled up next to them, and the pair immediately recognized that it belonged to their former Palm Woods neighbor, Jett Stetson.

“Here we go.” Kendall rolled his eyes as the egotistical man stepped out of the vehicle.

Jett took off his sunglasses and grinned, “I need a favor.”

“A hello first would be nice.” James sighed tiredly, “What do you want?”

Jett shrugged, “Well, my publicist is saying that I need to seem more down-to-earth and approachable if I don’t want to keep getting type-casted into the arrogant jock role, so I need to hang around you guys and get some paps to take pictures of us being friendly. Preferably with the nerd and wild friend of yours as well.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Kendall scoffed, one eyebrow raised, “Instead of pretending to be nice, why not just be nice? And you must have some other friends to help you.”

Jett smirked, “Yeah, but they’re all way too high class to sell the approachable vibe like a group of hockeyheads from a Nowhere, Minnesota.”

As if sensing Kendall and James’ growing agitation, Yuma hopped forward in Jett’s direction with a squeal. The actor eyed the pig warily and took a step back.

“Jesus, Knight. How big is that thing going to get?” He frowned as Yuma continued to snuffle loudly at him.

Before Kendall could answer, the pig charged forward at Jett. Not enough to pull at her leash, but enough that it made the actor shriek and stumble back toward his car.

James laughed while Jett collected himself and got back into his convertible. He rolled down the window to talk to the couple with a frown on his lips.

“I’ll talk to you guys later, maybe we can meet up at the beach.” He suggested, placing his designer sunglasses back on his face, “And don’t bring the pig.”

Once the man drove away, Kendall knelt down to kiss the top of Yuma’s head and shower her in praise while feeding her treats from his hand.

“Don’t worry, Yumi,” He said in a high-pitched voice to his pet, “We’re not going anywhere with that jerk.”

James found the scene incredibly endearing, but he kind of wanted to pull Kendall up toward him instead.


.

The final straw was one lazy afternoon when James and Kendall were making out in their bed, hands roaming each other in an unhurried manner since they finally had nowhere to be and nothing to do. 

After a long week of busy schedules, James had been looking forward to spending quality time with his lover.

Just as things were becoming hot and heavy, the two men heard a scratch at their door before Yuma pushed her way into the room through the small crack. She trotted right up to the bed and sat patiently while her nose twitched.

“Aww,” Kendall cooed, disentangling himself from his boyfriend, “She’s probably hungry. I’ll be right back.” 

The blond then quickly guided Yuma out of the room, leaving James hard and waiting for his return.

Something had to be done.


.

“Listen up, Yuma.” James spoke seriously, eye level with the pig while Kendall was out in the backyard, “We have to talk about your behavior recently…”

Yuma blinked and James took it as an acknowledgment that she was listening.

“You might have Kendall wrapped around your little hooves, but I’ve known him longer.” James explained, not at all feeling ridiculous for lecturing a pig, “Therefore, he’s mine and you need to back off.”

Suddenly, Yuma hopped forward and pressed her wet snout on James’ cheek, causing the man to squeal loudly and fall back on his butt. 

A bright and familiar laugh sounded from the other side of the living room, and James looked up to see Kendall grinning at him fondly.

“You sure told her.” He teased, sticking out his hand to help James up.

Instead, the brunet used it to pull Kendall down to his lap, cheeks only slightly pink from being caught scolding Yuma.

“I love you,” James said as he gave Kendall a chaste kiss, “Even though you’re a crazy pet parent now.”

Kendall rolled his eyes and kissed James back, letting out a short laugh when Yuma squirmed her way between them.

James petted her back and smiled at the way the blond’s eyes lit up with happiness. 

He supposed he could share Kendall’s attention.

Notes:

These pictures honestly give me so much serotonin.

https://ohjeezman.tumblr.com/post/651578504239087616/kendall-and-yuma-part-1-i-absolutely-cannot-get

https://ohjeezman.tumblr.com/post/651578625076920320/kendall-and-yuma-part-2-such-cuties