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There was nothing before The World.
And yet, this wasn't quite the truth: there was something, many things.
Things that Tsukasa would rather forget, and already had.
With the roots hidden deep underground, he would rather march on with his spite, somewhere no one could hurt him, through the valleys, dungeons and forests, back to that room. The creature and the voice who kept him safe the only friends he had.
However… that wasn’t the case anymore.
There were others now.
Getting the simple joy of saying “hello” and “goodbye”, idle chatter, sometimes comfortable silence was enough.
But in the end they always went away, somewhere he couldn’t follow.
All he could do is wait. Maybe tomorrow.
Whenever “tomorrow” really is.
Perhaps “tomorrow” isn’t really the day after, just whenever the others would come again. In his world seconds turn into hours and months turn into days. Unable to see the external world, he wasn’t even sure if the sun setting for him truly meant “night”.
Sometimes the sun would rise and set more than once and no one would come. He was used to being alone, he craved solitude, but all of a sudden he yearned for them to come back.
But they all had a second life that always demanded more attention. Jobs, school, families…
They still lived in that ludicrous world, after all.
One of them wasn’t like the others. Tsukasa realized this when she would come back over and over again without fail, as if it was just a blink before they could see each other again.
He cherishes this, she is special. In their silence together somehow her presence feels stronger, to just be and take in the scenery together was a type of joy he had never known.
Resting in the shade of a tree casting a soft shadow, sounds of crickets and the smell of dew crossed his ears and nose while observing the pink petals in the wind by her side. It was strange thinking she couldn’t feel this moment the same way he did, no other players felt The World as he did. Perhaps everyone else was but a ghost and he was all there truly was in this realm… maybe all of his friends are imaginary, created to fight the loneliness.
These questions had become more and more common as time went by. Harder to avoid, harder to escape. There was simply nowhere to run and, just maybe...there is a reason for it.
“Tsukasa?”
Ever gentle, ever warm, now a trace of concern tainting it: Subaru’s voice. Always there to anchor him back when it seems as if he’s about to slip away entirely. The one who was always there.
It was her who told him before he had a place to return to, beyond The World, where they all go back to in those times of endless wandering between “yesterday” and “tomorrow”.
She was waiting for him there, she said he was special to her. He wanted to believe her hope to be true, he wanted to believe he had a place with her and everyone else in the external world. But out there also is...
“Oh...I’m sorry, I got distracted.”
“There is more to it, isn’t there? Your face...you look so deeply pained.”
She always noticed, even if he tried it was hard to hide secrets from her. It was something that at first was terrifying to him, the idea of being an open book when it was no one’s business how he felt, but overtime he came to realize how it filled a certain void, that void that often came to swallow everything, sinking him down deeper and deeper into doubts and fears.
“...Subaru, can I ask you something?” he finally mustered up words, trying to find more. More for him to cling to and ground him.
She extended out her hand to hold his.
“Yes, anything.”
It was an alien gesture to someone like him, but at the same time something he came to welcome.
“When we meet in the real world...what do you want to do?”
“Oh?” contrasting her elegant aura, she seemed a little flustered. “I suppose...I never thought about it, I always imagined it being the two of us as we are now but...perhaps a little more to it, perhaps going out to eat?”
“Eat?” something natural to life, that at the same time seemed unnatural to him. In The World he didn’t eat, he didn’t need to. There isn’t much proper food for a human regardless. Drinks from taverns, potions, grunty foods...berries...
That baby.
It needed to eat, but...
“I always enjoyed warm meals, I kept thinking how it would be nice...to share one together.”
Share a meal, go shopping, walk together from school, share books together...all things his friends wished to do with him, things that weren’t possible in The World. So mundane yet at the same time sounding so foreign.
“What would you like? It’s only appropriate you would be the one to choose, we would be celebrating you, after all.”
Celebrating him?
▯▯ liked....something. But what was it?
She’s smiling.
A smile full of warmth.
Warmth that often felt faraway to him who only knew cold.
Warmth of love, warmth of a family, Mimiru and Bear’s smiles had a similar warmth, he thought.
The dream of a real family, hearing “welcome home” and “have a good day” entering and leaving a house.
It was something he always called nothing more than childish fantasies, things only the ignorant and naïve expected. Something that wasn’t possible in such a cruel, harsh, worthless world.
Yet it was Subaru’s world.
The world where these people who wished to protect him and called themselves his friends came from.
Mimiru, Bear, BT, Crim, Sora, everyone. All united around a table to welcome him.
He found himself indulging in these silly dreams that might not even be achievable more and more often these days.
Such a fantasy...it would be a wonderful world, wouldn’t it?
If it was such a happy dream, why did he start crying?