Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

In the end, she goes back to her mom’s house. The plan isn’t to stay there and hide from her Ricky-related problems or skip out on Beauty and the Beast, rather spend some time regrouping with the mother she’s missed for far too long. The thought of leaving East High last semester was hard enough, but nothing quite compares to voluntarily living apart from her mom… which might have something to do with her lack of transportation back.

Still, she told Ashlyn where she was going and even kept her updated on her way to Louisiana. And she feels good about that. As much as she loves her mom, some part of her has started to associate Salt Lake with the word ‘home.’ It’s less terrifying and more thrilling, this break in her usual pattern. She’s not leaving without saying goodbye or making a sudden run for it in the middle of the night.

Apparently Ashlyn didn’t pass on that message to her cousin, though.

“Gina, sweetie!” her mom’s voice travels through the house, settling in the guest room that’s been set up for the weekend. “Your friend’s at the door!”

The statement is so wildly out of place that Gina doesn’t even compute the meaning for a long moment. It’s nine p.m. on a Sunday night, she’s in Louisiana, and all her friends are back in Salt Lake. Ashlyn knows where she is; there should be no search party or a slew of texts this time around. 

Gina reaches across the bed and checks her phone for a hint. Radio silence. Her interest successfully piqued, she gets to her feet and makes her way through the little apartment her mom is currently residing in.

And then it makes sense, because of course EJ would be standing on her porch in fucking Louisiana.

She can’t help but shake her head in wide-eyed surprise as she steps around her mother and out onto the porch, the déjà vu of her horrendous Homecoming non-plan almost too much to bear. All she manages to get out is, “Really?”

EJ has the audacity to look confused. “What, ‘really’?”

“Oh, I was asking if you got a haircut,” she says slowly, laying on the sarcasm extra thick. 

This he sidesteps. “More like, really? You’re not packed already?” He swings an arm out, gesturing grandly to his vehicle parked haphazardly in the street. Gina grimaces at the lack of parking space, a fact she hadn’t had any reason to notice before. “It’s not another plane, but it’s still taking you back to East High.”

He’s incredibly serious about this, and the way he’s clearly not intending to let her say no sits heavy in her chest. His car keys dangle from his fingertips and he’s in just a t-shirt and jeans despite the cold night air. Not a single piece of his appearance thinks he’ll have to convince her, and maybe in another scenario it’d come off as cocky. Instead it’s just endearing.

Gina blinks, amusement slowly filtering into her expression. “You couldn’t have texted? ‘Hey Gi, mind if I come pick you up in Louisiana? Which is a twenty-five-hour drive?”

To his credit, EJ does flush at this. “L-Like you would’ve responded in time!” he sputters, lifting his own phone up. “Just buying you that plane ticket last time took over a day to convince you!”

“Because it was a plane ticket! That’s a big deal,” she counters, thinking of that follow-up phone call after she repaid him. Of the hope he had back then, compared with the certainty he has now.

Except that was the wrong thing to say, because he levels her with a look and the knowing in his eyes startles her. “Is that why you haven’t bought one back yet?”

It strikes her then that, yeah, okay, Ashlyn must’ve informed him of her impromptu visit, but he was the only one who saw the opportunity to stay in lieu of finding a way back. He was the only one who decided it was worth it to go and pick her up himself—again, a twenty-five-hour drive. Like. What? —and he’s the only one standing on her doorstep at this very moment.

“I’m pretty sure I was coming back,” she admits quietly, dropping the intense eye contact. She still feels his gaze on her, though, taking in her words like they’re the single most important thing anyone’s ever said. Just like he did at Carlos’s quinceañero, also without an audience, just EJ genuinely wanting to know how she was feeling. Gina wonders if this is what truly being seen is like.

“Well I think you should come back with me now,” he says just as quietly, but firmly. Like he knows she needs a strong presence to push her into trusting the process. EJ’s smile dazzles at her when she lifts her head. “Otherwise I made the drive for nothing, and I’m already missing Monday as it is.”

Gina’s silent at first, the situation fully sinking in. She was so shocked by his presence that she didn’t quite realize it’s Sunday night, he must’ve left very early the day before, and even if she doesn’t go with him he’s still losing a third day. With BATB growing ever closer, this disappearing act is a bold move and an even bigger gesture to her. It takes a split second for her to decide to take him up on his offer, and within the next instant she’s rocketing forward to hug him.

His arms come up around her, stumbling backward for a step or two. His keys jingle against her back. She’s looking over his shoulder at how easily they could’ve tumbled down the stairs, but all she’s thinking of is how monumentally sweet this gesture is—a gesture he’s made twice now, no less.

She leaves her body tucked against his for a moment longer, almost disbelieving how much he’s changed over the course of one school year—but then again, so has she. And she wouldn’t trade that development for anything.

She pulls back before it’s been too long of a hug, skipping over however he’s looking at her to start speaking. “I need to grab my stuff, and then I’m driving for the next few hours.” Half of it she says over her shoulder, already turning to head back inside.

EJ asks, “You have your license?” and all she can do is snort and wave him in.

“Yeah, that was one of the few things my mom and I agreed on when we got to Salt Lake. I got it right before she left the first time.” And he’s still standing there, so she reaches back to physically pull him inside after her. 

She needs to make sure this is okay with her mom, although she’s not worried: she trusts the Caswells, just like Gina does. She needs to pack quickly and grab snacks and use the restroom, and offer the same thing to EJ. It hits her that she’ll be alone in a car with him for over a day. The car part isn’t ideal, but EJ himself is perfectly fine. It warms her heart in a way that only her friends from East High can. 

Oh, and she needs to change into something more comfortable, especially since she’s driving first. She’s not thrilled about driving at night with only a GPS to guide her, but EJ’s literally not getting into the driver’s seat even if it kills her. She needs to give back to him somehow. Unless he caves and lets her pay for gas (unlikely), then the least she can do is take the first shift so he doesn’t pass out at the wheel.

Driving with EJ is a lot like their friendship: unexpectedly easy and eye-opening.

For example, never would Gina have guessed how clean the inside of his car was. She doesn’t remember much about the ten-minute drive from her house to the dance, only that he hounded her about the plan and she steadfastly ignored him and stared out the window to avoid the conversation. Now she can properly enjoy the legroom, and the cleanliness, and the Black Forest air freshener scent—although she has no clue where it is because it’s not hanging from the rearview mirror. 

The thing she probably enjoys the most is their rapport once they’ve both slept enough back and forth. Driving already isn’t her favorite pastime, but driving with just her thoughts to entertain herself could get pretty upsetting. But with EJ spinning summer camp tales and spitballing more improv exercises for Miss Jenn to do, it goes by a lot more pleasantly.

Some of their conversations veer into vulnerable territory, one Gina has no qualms about entering with him but just… maybe not on a feel-good, impromptu road trip. Any time they get close to her mom, his dad, Ricky, Nini, or Duke, it’s usually at a rest stop or one of the two diners they deem necessary to eat at. (They can’t only eat fast food on a road trip. And no matter how far EJ’s come from practically living through his phone, he still likes aesthetically pleasing food pictures.) The distance from the car helps Gina separate the moods from each other. But mostly they stick to trivial topics, like the one right now.

Gina sits up in her seat for the first time since they started comparing their Instagram feeds. “Don’t tell me that’s still your username,” she says sharply, disbelief coloring her face. At his sheepish look, she groans and slouches again. “Seriously, EJ, that’s so long for no reason! Just be @ejcaswell.”

He sucks on his teeth, shaking his head. He knocks his knuckles against the steering wheel once. “See, but it doesn’t hold the same sort of pizzazz as—”

“No, EJ, that isn’t nearly as cool as you think it is.” 

“You’re just @ginaporter, aren’t you?”

“People know what they’re getting into,” she affirms, fingers skimming the phone in her lap. She has the overwhelming urge to take his phone and change his username herself. She still remembers going to tag him in their Homecoming post and seeing his ridiculously lengthy username pop up. Aneurysm-inducing, honestly.

EJ makes a noise that sounds distinctly like a scoff. “People know what they’re getting into with mine, too.”

“Bios exist for a reason, and you’re not using yours.” She pulls a face, but now she’s laughing. “How are you almost out into the real world and you don’t realize this?”

This time he just snorts. “It’s not like I’m in marketing.”

“I’m going to DM you meme after meme until you change it.”

“Go crazy. I turned my notifications off.”

࿏ 

“Do you ever miss any of your other schools?”

A pause, although she knows the answer. “No.”

“No? Not even a little bit?”

“Well, some of the musical budgets were better.”

“Miss Jenn has virtually nothing. I’m not surprised in the least.”

“I’m actually really impressed at how we’ve stepped up our game for Beauty and the Beast.”

Snort. “From the gym to an actual stage?”

“Try from Ricky’s Troy wig to the Beast’s prosthetics, you doofus.” But she’s laughing.

Another pause. “Really though. None of them?”

Weighted silence. And then… “None of them were East High. I didn’t really find a group anywhere but here.”

“I hear that. The drama club just takes in people like us, I guess.”

“I like to think of it as if we’ve found our people.”

“Yeah.” Softer. “Yeah, we have.”

࿏ 

“You’re not a ‘Bop to the Top’ fan?”

“Perfectly good song, but would I want to sing it for the rest of my life?”

“You’re more of a ‘Scream’ person aren’t you?”

“Ding, ding, ding. Another point to Ms. Porter.”

“I will bow out of the game graciously now.”

“What? We’re, like, twenty minutes into my shift, we have to keep going.”

“I agreed to road games, not High School Musical trivia.”

“That’s what you signed up for the second you got into this car, actually. Sorry to break it to you now that we’re ten hours in.”

“Yeahhhh, no. I’m officially done discussing HSM songs, Chad.”

“Harsh.”

Laugh. “You asked for it.”

“Uhhh, Halsey or Avril?”

Immediately. “Halsey, hands down.”

“Why such a quick answer?”

“‘I’m Not Mad’ hits a little on the nose sometimes, don’t you think?”

“I’m partial to ‘Bad at Love’ myself.”

A breath sucked in. “We’re fucked up.”

“Maybe. But I think we’re better for it, figuring out how to dig our way out.”

“Must be why we understand each other so well.”

“That, and we’re Wonderstudies.”

“Hell yeah.”

“Hell yeah.”

࿏

“You don’t think that’s too low?”

“For Gaston? Not even a little bit. And don’t act like you haven’t had this down since auditions.”

“All I had nailed back then was my wink. See?”

“Stop—EJ stop, I’m gonna crash.”

Surprised laugh. “What, am I that distracting?”

“You’re just so exaggerated. Perfect for onstage, but up close I feel preyed upon.”

An actual cackle, followed by, “Preyed upon?!”

“Not—”

“Gina, it’s a wink!”

“Stop laughing!”

“I’m telling everyone at our next rehearsal.”

“No you are not.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll take a survey on whether or not my winking is considered predatory behavior.”

“I’ll crash on purpose, shut up!”

࿏

By the time it’s their last switch off, Gina’s made good on her promise. EJ has a total of fifty-three DMs from her alone, all of which he promises to check out “with time.” The addendum is meant to nag at her, but she trusts him.

They’ve just left their last diner, which probably explains how lethargic she suddenly feels. EJ takes one look at her and says, “Do me a favor and take a nap.”

Gina snorts involuntarily. “What, you want some alone time?”

“No, not at all.” And he says it immediately, instinctively, in a sincere way she isn’t expecting but should learn to anticipate from EJ. “But any more memes and I might cry.” She cracks up at that, making him smile. His eyes stray from the road for a second. “Also I’d rather Ashlyn not accuse me of forcing you to drive the whole time.”

Gina sinks comfortably in her seat, her blinking slowing. “She wouldn’t think that. You two get along so well.”

“Yeah, but she’ll still say it.” 

“I’m not tired enough to nap right now.”

“Gina, your eyes are literally closed.”

He’s right, so she snaps back to attention and shifts in her seat again. “Tell me more about why you decided to grow a beard over winter break,” she demands suddenly, pouncing on the first thought that pops into her mind.

EJ doesn’t even bother acting like he’s not surprised. “Wh—Why, was it bad? Is this something you’ve been thinking about since New Year’s?”

Gina laughs and works her fingers in an effort to stay awake. “No, no I’m just wondering. You don’t do InstaLives anymore so I felt out of the loop on that particular detail in your life.”

There’s a long, long pause during which she can tell he’s really thinking over his answer. Until he casts another glance her way and says, “You’re fucking with me, right?”

She knows it’s part-delirium making her laugh this hard, but she thinks he’d make her laugh anyway. “Yes, I’m fucking with you.”

“I was really questioning my thought process.”

“I could tell.”

“Seriously, I was psychoanalyzing a beard.”

She forces herself to stay lucid for another twenty minutes afterward, telling herself it’s out of defiance but knowing it’s because she enjoys the company. Thus far they’ve had playful banter amidst serious topics, something she admires even if she can’t put into words just how much. It’s almost as if everything they discuss has seamless transitions, like they haven’t been stuck together in one vehicle for over a day now. She’s definitely not sick of him. And it’s not until she accidentally gets him talking about water polo that she realizes she really only sees his theatre side, this overconfident but extremely hardworking persona he draws around himself like armor. She wouldn’t mind getting to know the rest of him as well.

Eventually she falls asleep, and when she wakes it’s to EJ singing show tunes as he drives down his cousin’s street. Gina’s lips twitch into a smile of their own accord, right before she lets her eyes drift closed again just to remember this.

Opening night finds Gina somewhere else she shouldn’t be when they have a show within the hour, stuck standing outside with the rest of her bus mates while their ride sits useless by the curb. Last semester had been out of her control and Louisiana a few weeks ago had been a half-baked idea at best, but this wasn’t in her plans at all.

For the first five minutes the bus driver seems hopeful that he can fix whatever’s wrong with the bus himself. The next ten consists of loud cursing and only calling a tow truck at the behest of the passengers. The next ten brings news that the tow truck is stuck in traffic, and Gina doesn’t give it a second thought before grabbing her phone and calling EJ.

“How do you keep doing this? Seriously?” he complains through the phone, tone almost in awe of her supreme capability to be anywhere except where she’s needed.

“This isn’t my fault!” she insists, glancing around at the crowd of people also calling for rides. She figures they’re trying for Ubers. It hits her that she hadn’t even considered that. “I know it’s, like, super last minute, but can you please—”

“Gina, I’m already in the car, give me ten minutes.” 

He’s there in seven, and much to the crowd’s dismay when Gina practically starts running for him, realizing he’s not their driver.

“Thank you so much!” she calls out once he sees her, hauling ass with her bag only partially hanging onto her arm. She’s always thankful for her dancer background, but right now it’s extra helpful that she doesn’t break a sweat. Kourtney will kill her if she comes in— late —looking like she ran a marathon. Hell, Gina would kill herself too for that big of a misdemeanor.

The car’s barely stopped before EJ’s leaning across the center console to shove the passenger side door open for her. “Get in, get in!” When she’s close enough her eyes automatically fall to what he’s wearing.

“Oh, you’re in costume,” tumbles past her lips. She’s not trying to tease or chastise him, but seeing EJ in full Gaston garb driving a very twenty-first-century vehicle and blasting the A/C catches her off guard. The laughter bubbling up in her throat dies the second they make eye contact, and she’s sliding into the passenger seat, realizing why he’s in costume. “I must be running really late.”

“Should’ve called me sooner,” he says, quickly shifting out of Park and pulling back onto the road. “Seatbelt.” EJ’s not looking at her anymore, so she lets her gaze linger. He’s not mad at her. He’s not frantic—well, maybe a little frantic, but in a usual opening night type of way. He’s not even frowning, his face completely calm as he strategically maneuvers through traffic. 

Gina doesn’t think she’ll ever get over just how selfless he is with her. She’s known him for less than a year, and yet he’s gone out of his way repeatedly to remind her she’s part of East High. Ashlyn actually sang to her during an improv exercise to convince her to stay in Salt Lake, after offering up her own house as a place to stay. The Caswells never cease to amaze her.

“Gina, I’m not kidding. Seatbelt.” EJ’s eyes dart over to her for a second. “I’m not crashing with you in here.” 

She snaps out of her reverie, fingers moving to strap herself in. “Sorry.”

Once she’s safe, EJ starts speaking again. “Now that we’re out of there, mind telling me why you were on a bus, tonight of all nights?”

She sighs and moves to rub at her brow bone. “My mom thought she might be able to fly out for the show tonight, so I was going to meet her at the airport. And then her flight got delayed and I had to find another bus to take me back, which just so happened to lose its shit on the way.”

He buzzes his lips, eyes wide. “Your luck on opening nights, huh?”

Her eyes pause on his face. “Yeah,” she says without a trace of irony. “My luck.”

The rest of the drive is frenzied and relatively silent. The radio stays off, a stark contrast to the last time she was alone in a car with EJ. Her head fills with dramatic show tunes and alternating shifts before she shakes her head, ridding her mind of the memories. She needs to focus on the musical right now.

Gina pulls down the visor and flips up the mirror, but it’s as useless as she thought. The small number of random applicators she has in her bag won’t replicate whatever makeup look Kourtney and Miss Jenn want her to wear. She’s stuck waiting until they reach the high school, a whole five minutes with the reckless way EJ’s driving at the moment. 

No matter how late she is, Gina reminds herself, she’ll never frustrate people as much as Ricky running in late to auditions both times. It’s a funny memory in a way, but still one she’s pleased to acknowledge she’s not dwelling on too fondly. She’s not longing for Ricky anymore. Unloading her secret from High School Musical’s opening night to Ashlyn had lifted a weight off her shoulders she hadn’t been aware she was carrying, but now she can feel how much lighter everything is. 

EJ swerves into East High’s parking lot then, unbuckling before he’s parked. Gina follows suit, grabbing her bag and hopping out of the car. There’s only a small line outside the front doors, meaning most people are already seated and shit she is so late. Noticing this too, EJ latches onto her wrist and starts pulling her past people, keeping them together. She’s thankful for his determination because now she’s holding back a laugh. She’s not pining after the Beast, but she does feel safe with Gaston of all people. She settles for a smile and tries to keep up.

Darting through the stragglers outside, smoking and mingling before heading in for the show, is probably the hardest part of this whole situation. Gina knew immediately that she had to call someone for a ride, and EJ was the first logical choice. His speeding driving got them here in record time. Now she trusts him one more time, slipping her wrist out of his grasp to replace it with her hand. She feels more secure now, matching his pace and weaving through the crowd with their hands joined. Less like she could drown in all these people when their friends need them most.

They pass only two people who recognize EJ’s costume, excited “Gaston!”s escaping their mouths. Gina laughs, thinking it must kill EJ not to schmooze and interact one-on-one with audience members. But he calls over his shoulder some witty line about searching for Belle. 

“I wonder what they’d say if they saw Gaston with a feather duster,” Gina muses, just loud enough for him to hear.

EJ lets out a laugh, neatly rounding corners. “Might change the whole story.”

Ten seconds later, Gina hears a whole horde of people say her name. The dressing room opens before them and EJ thrusts her forward, breaking contact. Nini, Ashlyn, and Seb dash around her, leaving just Carlos and Kourtney to fret about her appearance. The clock tells her she’s way, way later than anticipated, but her gut tells her something else.

She’s two steps through the door when she stops and gives in to the urge thrumming beneath her skin, turning around just to throw her arms around him for the second time ever. He doesn’t stumble this time, still doesn’t hesitate to hug her back. She pulls away a lot faster and matches his smile before whipping back around for hair and makeup. Kourtney’s rolling her eyes exaggeratedly at her and there are so many voices around them, but it felt necessary.

Less than a half-hour later the whole cast is gathered up for their usual pre-show pep talk. Miss Jenn makes a small comment about how they’ve once again been blessed by Gina’s timing, which garners a lot more genuine smiles than teasing laughter. Gina ducks her head, squeezing Carlos and Ashlyn’s hands that much tighter. 

Some of her friends give short speeches—Nini says something heartfelt about finding herself through this show and how she thinks everyone else has bloomed because of their roles too; Ricky roars loudly to hype them up; Miss Jenn sings, because she must—but mostly it’s just a room full of energized teens and good vibes. She doesn’t even realize she’s thinking about how often EJ’s brought her back until she’s searching the room for him.

They make eye contact for just a split second across the circle, standing on opposite sides of the room. But EJ offers up a smile and Gina sends a watery one back his way, hoping it conveys how she’s feeling at this very moment. Ashlyn knocks shoulders with her, and out of the corner of her eye Gina can tell she’s smiling at her cousin too. She kind of wants to hug him again, or cry if Kourtney wouldn’t kick her ass for ruining all her hard work and possibly EJ’s charmingly dapper costume as well.

She’s already thanked him for the Louisiana thing, and for tonight, and for the plane ticket from their last show, but it’s the first time that she has the feeling she’ll be thanking him a lot more in the future, too. EJ is more than capable of doing good in the world and doing right by her specifically, and if she has to go through high school thanking him for saving her at the last second then she’s perfectly fine with that. Some Wonderstudies they are, indeed.

Seb says, through a stream of tears as the curtains close, “The cows will be so excited to see me more regularly!” and while it doesn’t apply to… anyone but him, Gina thinks it’s the perfect way to end their final show.

After all the mini-disasters of the winter musical, Beauty and the Beast ran so smoothly. Gina figures a large part of that was due to their drive to beat North High, but she can’t complain, not when they did beat North High. The Menkie Awards haven’t released any official statement yet, but Big Red got one of his family members to see NH’s show and Carlos insisted they FaceTime throughout it. So in between quick changes and mic swaps and intermission, the East High cast gathered around Carlos’s Macbook and delighted in the plethora of mishaps. Karma bit North High back hard.

And with their main rival out of the running and Miss Jenn’s tabs on the other even-lower-budget schools, along with EJ’s phenomenal performance as Gaston all three nights, they’re all pretty confident as to who’ll be winning the NYU scholarship. EJ isn’t getting his hopes up just yet after Duke, but Gina knows where her money is. Ashlyn’s already cried backstage—happy tears, of course.

“How was that for your last show?” Gina asks EJ as they jostle past their friends, heading to her corner of the dressing room after curtain call. She’s interested in his take anyway, but she also remembers Carlos’s quinceañero and how much it meant to her when he asked how she felt while the cameras were off. This moment is just for EJ and Gina.

She turns to find him staring at her, then he shakes his head and blinks. “Uhh, bittersweet? Yeah, probably bittersweet. But I’m proud of what I did, too.”

Like I did everything I needed to do here, she hears, and it strikes her just as hard as when it came from her mouth. She nods and hops up onto the counter, beginning to gather all the stray bobby pins and makeup brushes in her hands. “I think that’s to be expected.”

“It kinda snuck up on me though,” he explains, rubbing his hands together. Only the top half of his costume is gone, replaced with a muscle tank. “Felt like I had more time than this.”

Gina drops her belongings into her bag and sighs, leaning back into the mirrors. “Yeah, I know that feeling.”

There’s some weird screaming from a different place in the room and Natalie comes barreling through the door, but no one approaches them. Gina appreciates the moment of silence with EJ, ending the last show the same way they started the first. Less frantic, but the same camaraderie. The same understanding passing between them.

It prompts her to turn toward him and say, “Any last wishes for the rest of the year? Some wild event you want us to report on for the announcements?”

Immediately he’s laughing, falling comfortably into her space. “Hopefully if there are any ‘wild events’ it has nothing to do with North High,” he retorts, face pleasantly rosy. She’s glad she can make him laugh so easily, that they’re both moving into happier days.

“Hey, I didn’t say we’d set some of Seb’s farm animals loose in their school, but it’s always an option,” she deadpans, lips pressed together to keep from grinning.

EJ makes no such effort, laughing even harder. He leans against the counter beside her, her swinging legs colliding with his. Once he calms down, he starts, “I do have one final request, though.”

She playfully squints her eyes up at him, her legs stilling. “Hit me.”

“No more moving or getting stranded right before show night, alright?” His eyes are lit up, watching her just as carefully as she’s observing him. “Or just no moving at all,” he amends, but she hears the distinction between the two.

Gina brushes past the sentiment, choosing to laugh and duck her head. “I promise I won’t.” She finishes zipping up her bag and pushes it off to the side, shaking her hair loose. “Mostly because you’ll be at NYU and won’t be able to come get me in the nick of time, but still.” She means it in a purely comedic fashion, although her heart tugs at the mention of how far away from Salt Lake he’ll be come autumn. She’s not sure how to handle it quite yet.

EJ doesn’t even address the scholarship of it all. All he does is smile and tell her matter-of-factly, “Even then, I would bring you home.” The words shake loose what he said during HSM— ”Just… didn’t seem fair for you to miss all this.” —and Team Wonderstudy strikes again, because now she knows they really are a team. Wildcats and Wonderstudies, EJ and Gina.

Gina’s unprepared for the swell of affection and gratitude in her chest, and especially not the sincere smile on his face. She nearly chokes on the emotion and tries to deflect it instead. “How did I get so lucky to have The EJ Caswell care about me this much?”

Either he notices she’s on the verge of tears or just chooses to partake in the teasing (at this point it very well could be both) because he tilts his head and shrugs. “Eh, now that I’m new and improved, all of this confidence needs to go somewhere. I’m just projecting onto you.”

“Of course.” She nods, blinking rapidly to dry her eyes. It isn’t working. “I should’ve known.” But she’s still smiling, and he’s still smiling, so she ducks her head and lets her forehead rest against his shoulder, just breathing. 

All of the background noise rushes to the forefront of her mind—the excited chatter of families and friends out in the lobby, the crying coming from the other side of the dressing room, the cheerful singing echoing down the hallway. She lets it consume her for a minute, trying to get herself together as much as she’s trying to imprint this exact moment. 

This year has put her through the wringer even more than any of her previous stints at other schools, and she recognizes that. But it’s only fair to acknowledge all the good that’s come into her life because of East High’s drama club as well. Right before Christmas break she danced and sang on the cafeteria stairs with EJ about putting down roots, and even when she tried to dig them right back up her friends helped her stay grounded. She thinks of Ashlyn and the Caswells as a whole and breathes out a shaky sigh.

She’s once again crying on a show night, but she reminds herself this time is far from the same reason why. Last semester she bared her heart for Ricky right after he got back together with Nini because she thought the plane was going down, and then the plane abruptly landed. This semester her heart feels full because of a friend’s genuine kindness and support for her, and that makes all the difference. Never would she have expected EJ Caswell to be someone who helps validate her self-worth, but it just might be the only surprise she’s thrilled to receive over and over again.

Chapter Text

It thrills Gina that she’s now part of a friend group that hosts movie nights every Friday during summer, EJ picking her and Ash up beforehand to drive them all over. She likes having set plans with her friends now that school is out and, subsequently, their cast days are put on hold, but that excitement only lasts until the first night when the entire MCU films are chosen. 

“You know that’s fifty hours, right?” Kourtney says in a distinct tone of disdain, glancing up from her phone. Several others have similar expressions from wherever they are in the room.

Seb nods happily, clearly having been in on this decision. Gina assumes Big Red was also involved, seeing as they’re all huddled in his basement bedroom. “Yes, but don’t worry; we’re splitting it up into four weeks. This is just the first quarter.” 

“Big Red,” Ashlyn says delicately, aiming to let her boyfriend know she’s not mad at him, per se. “Next week EJ, Gina, and I are going on that family vacation. We’ll only get to see the beginning and the end.”

A few people glance over at that, letting Ricky be the one to voice the question. “You’re going with them?” He genuinely looks confused at this news, but it further solidifies the thought in Gina’s head that she very clearly doesn’t belong on a family vacation.

But EJ says, “Yeah, of course,” as if they all should’ve expected this. His arm’s on the back of the couch, not around her, but she can sense his warmth grounding her into the moment. Gina tries to focus on how quick he was to reaffirm her place in their lives, even if she doesn’t quite believe it herself right now.

She nods and relaxes against him a little, the side of her arm just brushing his chest. “I got the official invite from this one right here, and Ashlyn approved,” she says playfully, rolling her eyes. 

“And my parents love you,” Ash pipes up, pointing at her from across the room. “Don’t forget that part.”

“Okay, but Marvel?” Howie cuts in, directing the conversation back to the matter at hand. “Who hasn’t seen them anyway?”

Gina reluctantly raises her hand, fully aware of the insane MCU fan beside her. Nini makes a so-so motion and Ricky makes it a point to announce he’s seen three of the films at least. Predictably EJ only zones in on Gina, tilting his head at her in disbelief. “Gina,” he says incredulously.

She fights a smile. “I know enough to understand when you make a reference, okay.”

He rubs at his eyes for a moment, his arm falling more squarely around her when he puts it back on the couch. “Disgraceful.”

Carlos takes it upon himself to grab the remote and switch the TV on. “Okay, we’re starting! No talking, Seb loves these.” Seb smiles serenely and settles against his boyfriend.

Gina misses the opening sequence because her mind is shifting back to the vacation, Ricky’s surprise echoing in her head like a cue to exit gracefully. She has so much fun with EJ and Ashlyn themselves, but adding their parents and a different state into the mix almost mimics the sense of dread she felt when relocating with her mom the last time—although she knows exactly when she’s coming back. She tries to hold onto that thought. 

Her head’s still spinning as the movie really kicks off, her vision blurring as she envisions what this vacation will actually look like. Her friends have informed her they often go off and do their own thing separate from their parents, but will it be different with her? Do they have some secret agreement with her mother about watching over her? Gina knows her mom trusts her, but this is a completely new scenario. Never did she imagine spending two weeks in Miami with her friends. Never did she imagine having a group quite like this. Never did she imagine having a place to return back to, a place to call home.

EJ nudges her in the side lightly, whispering, “If you miss this part I might never speak to you again,” like the Marvel nerd he is. It brings her back to the present, though, so she rolls her eyes and gets more comfortable, leaning further into his side.

Having been on the receiving end of one plane ticket purchased by a Caswell already, Gina thinks she’s prepared for the relatively quick flight from Salt Lake to Miami. She boards the plane with both families and is mercifully given a window seat, EJ in the middle, and Ashlyn in the aisle. She’s thankful to be with her friends and not awkwardly seated next to one of their parents, although living under Ashlyn’s parents’ roof means she knows they’re hospitable at the very least. 

It catches Gina off guard, though, when Ashlyn starts materializing a neck pillow, sleep mask, and earplugs. She leans into EJ’s space and stage whispers, “I thought you said this flight was five hours long.”

“Not even,” he says, watching Ashlyn with just as much trepidation as her.

“I like to be comfortable,” Ashlyn says firmly, leaning forward to point directly at Gina. “You know this. You’ve seen me in my Snuggie at three a.m.”

EJ holds up his hands, palms out. “I’ve seen you in your Snuggie at three a.m. I got you that Snuggie!”

She smiles serenely. “You did, thank you.” Then she faces front again, back to resituating herself.

“All of our parents are staring,” EJ exaggerates, but Gina still shoots him an amused look. “The pilot has decided we can’t take off because your weirdly huge earplugs cause interference.”

“EJ,” Ashlyn starts in another no-nonsense tone, her sleep mask over her eyes by now, “focus on Gina. She’s freaking out again.”

Gina just squints at her despite the sudden uptick in her pulse. “How would you know that? You can’t even see me.”

“Call it telepathy, dear roomie.”

Predictably, EJ’s angled himself toward her now, his eyes kind and patient. And she knows that her issue has been talked to death before they even finalized the vacation plans, but she can’t convince herself to shut down when he’s instantly available to listen. Just like he always is.

She sighs after a moment, shifting in her seat. “I’m just worried I’m intruding,” Gina admits, voice low. His understanding look doesn’t leave his face, but the crease between his eyebrows disappears. “I mean, I’m not family, I’m just living with them.”

She says it like it’s just a fact—because it is—but it’s a real worry that’s been weighing on her. It’s not enough that she’s stayed in a house that isn’t her own for a full semester, but now she’s flying to another state to stay in the Caswells’ vacation home for two weeks out of summer break. It walks a thin line between accepting a nice thing and overstaying her welcome, and how she’s feeling right now is distinctly the latter.

EJ smiles at her then, as sweet and reassuring as ever. Sometimes she struggles to remember what they were like a semester ago, because all she knows now is this caring side of him. “Trust me, you’re not intruding. If anyone’s intruding, it’s Ashlyn because she’s about to snore in my ear.” Gina’s glad she can count on him for validation and humor all in one go.

“I heard that,” Ashlyn snaps sleepily, not even bothering to lift her mask up to give him a look.

Gina stifles a giggle and digs through her purse until she can offer him an airpod. “Wanna share? It’ll fix one side, and then you can’t ignore me on the other.”

His fingers brush hers when he accepts it, another smile tugging at his lips. “I don’t know if you’re aware of this,” he says slowly like he’s about to let her in on a big secret, “but I never ignore you.”

Ashlyn lets out a mumbled, “I’m about to ignore the both of you,” but Gina barely even hears her over her own heartbeat. 

࿏

hypothetically, if i told you i thought i heard a ghost... what would you say?

hypothetically?

hypothetically.

i’d tell you ashlyn OBVIOUSLY did a seance to get back at you for taking the best bedroom

false. ashlyn’s incapable of doing something so devious. that’s more my style.

well, old-me’s style.

old-me too

although i’d probably just haunt you myself

gina 1.0 takes no risks yk

and what about gina 2.0?

gina 2.0 would tell you ghosts don’t exist. you’re just all antsy and paranoid

gina 2.0 is too rational.

hypothetically

hypothetically.

go to sleep ej. don’t let the ghosts bite oOOoO

࿏

Their first full day in Miami is spent mapping out plans for the next two weeks, networking for the parents, and then heading out to a fancy restaurant for dinner. Gina’s prepared for this because Ashlyn prepped her on what to bring, even ransacking her closet at one point for appropriate dresses. Once she noticed the Duke sweatshirt Gina took back over, unwilling to explain that again. Their friends just didn’t get it.

She winds up in a classic black dress, a keyhole cutout in the front and a closed but breathable back. Ashlyn has a similar look but in blue, and EJ honestly dresses the same as he always does. “Prep school vibe,” she says when she steps out of her room the same time he leaves his.

EJ does a double-take, whether it be at the comment or her dress, she doesn’t know. She smiles anyway. “It’s respectable dinner attire, Gina.”

Gina sticks her tongue out at him like the adult she is and then Ashlyn enters the hallway as well. They take photos out in the dining room, mostly professional except for the goofy one for Big Red. Ashlyn sends them all into the group chat, though, and as they head out to the car their phones blow up with notifications.

The drive over is uneventful and the dinner itself is quiet for the first five minutes. Gina’s careful to order something within the same price range as the rest of the group, but EJ still knocks knees with her, like he knows she’s overanalyzing. She thinks it’s a necessary gesture as their guest and tries to convey that through knocking knees with him right back.

Ashlyn is somehow pulled into a business-savvy conversation her parents start and that takes up the time between their appetizers arriving and the actual meals. EJ casually checks his phone, so Gina does too, deeming it appropriate. 

the cats! they’ve gone wild | 7:12pm

[seb] i would kill to be in miami rn!!

[ricky] it’s hotter in slc rn seb

[kourtney] but it’s still so borringggg oh my god

[nini] hope you guys are having fun!

[carlos] without us 😌

[ej] okay passive aggressive.

[gina] that might be the most passive-aggressive thing you’ve ever said

Gina lifts her head at that, smiling at EJ over their timing. He grins and shakes his head, putting his phone away just as the conversation winds down. Ashlyn looks flushed from the attention but in a good way. Gina’s sure she’ll want to continue down the performing arts route, but business is definitely not off the table for her.

From there it devolves into a musical performance of sorts. Debbie, Ashlyn’s mom, brings up the BATB song that made her cry and Ashlyn quietly sings a few bars from it, which turns into EJ exaggerating a Gaston line and Gina harmonizing with him. In between bites they keep the charade up, murmuring a random line for the other two to recognize and continue. They’re not being loud enough to attract unwanted attention—mostly they’re just laughing at the memories—but after a while, it takes up more of the conversation than remaining an aside.

“Are you done with your food?” Cash cuts in, pointedly looking down at their empty plates.

EJ’s mom, Ava, takes a gentler approach. “How about you three have the night to yourselves, hm? Go sightsee a bit, show Gina around.”

Gina means to protest, maybe apologize for the singing, but EJ and Ashlyn are climbing to their feet and dragging her with them. It’s clear they’ve been waiting for this. EJ tells her as much once they make it out the front door, the sunset shining brightly.

“After the first dinner they normally leave us to our own devices,” he says, shaking out his arms. There’s pep in his step now.

Ashlyn claps her hands together. “Alright. So. Shopping, the beach, boardwalk? What first?”

Gina holds up a hand, laughing a little. “Ah, we don’t need to go shopping, really. I’m good with what I have.”

The Caswell cousins share a look, and then they each loop an arm through hers and start in what’s most certainly the shopping direction. She can’t even be mad at their candor, because doing anything with her roommate and her best friend is fun to her.

The shopping is light and superficial, mainly Gina picking out dress shirts to hold up against EJ’s chest and Ashlyn filming them for the group. EJ stacks hats on Ashlyn’s head and Gina tries out makeup samples, her arm colorful with swatches. The employees are giving them looks by that point, so EJ grabs a handful of lipsticks and buys them for her on their way out as recompense. 

They head down the boardwalk for a long while, Ashlyn FaceTiming Big Red for a few minutes as Gina and EJ trail behind. Gina bumps shoulders with him, her attention on the water. Their few bags rustle in the breeze.

“How are you feeling now?” EJ asks, lightly bumping her back. Their strides match each other’s. “Less like an intrusion?”

She shrugs. “Eh, maybe a little at the beginning of dinner, but someone noticed and after that it got better.” She smiles to herself. “I shouldn’t have worn heels though.”

Ashlyn’s giggling about ten feet in front of them, walking perfectly in her own heels—albeit, they’re a little bit shorter and Gina’s been dancing on and off throughout the stores the whole time.

“We’re almost to the beach,” EJ says, voice sounding far away for a moment. “But if you’re really in pain I could—I don’t know—carry you for a bit?”

Gina turns to face him, their steps almost slowing to a stop. He looks sheepish at the suggestion. She just smiles. “You’re the best, you know that?”

His face lights up, a faint blush painting his cheeks. He squints at her and tilts his head. “Is that a yes?”

“Isn’t it every girl’s dream?” she teases, stepping closer. She lifts an arm up to drape it around his shoulder and he moves his own under her thighs and behind her back. In the blink of an eye she’s in the air, being carried down a Florida boardwalk by EJ Caswell. She’d been joking, but she recognizes this probably is a dream for some.

He walks maybe five feet and then bends his knees suddenly, pretending to almost drop her. Gina latches more firmly onto his shoulders and glares as he laughs, shaking his head. “Oh come on, I’d never drop you!”

“You’re hilarious,” she deadpans, although now that the surprise is wearing off it is a little funny. 

“I promise I won’t do it again,” he assures her, and then Ash’s flash goes off. It’s the only photo that makes it on her story amidst all the videos, and it perfectly captures EJ’s amusement and Gina’s light glare. The group chat goes crazy with memeing it.

the cats! they’ve gone wild | 9:29pm

[ricky] ej: life throwing shit at me

gi: me trying to take a fuckn nap

[carlos] ej’s ricky’s dancing and i’m gina

[ricky] see my above point

[big red] ej’s the bad reviews and my family and i are gina :/

[kourtney] honestly i don’t even wanna meme this, it’s so good on its own

She gets him back later when they’re on the beach, the sun completely gone now and her heels in her hand allowing the perfect setting for her to sneak up behind him and whisper, “Boo!” He jumps, predictably, and immediately tries to backtrack. When that fails he turns to spinning her around, distracting her by her love of dance. It works. Ashlyn has the video to prove it, the moonlight illuminating their shoddy footwork as they do a clumsy foxtrot across the sand.

࿏

[link: @easthighjenn on instagram]

i’m not quite sure miss jenn knows how instagram works. 

remember how we had to redo the christmas dance?

yeah

i’d say she’s still technologically challenged

her tags are a MESS. 

then give her an ig lesson, @ejstillhasntchangedhislongassusername

gina i’m barely even on instagram anymore!

[fwd: link: @easthighjenn on instagram]

sry you were saying?

b a r e l y. 

wait, she’s only following one person?

not even the drama club page?

is it mazzara 👀 

👀 yeah. yeah it is. 

time to see if the group chat noticed too!

࿏

“No, the camp stopped putting on full shows after last year, right?” Ashlyn turns to EJ, asking, “Since you poisoned that girl?” as if it’s a normal question.

Gina presses a hand to her mouth to stifle her laughter at the look of abject horror crossing EJ’s face. “Food poisoning, alright, I didn’t kill her,” he protests sheepishly, his voice getting higher in defense.

They’re in line for a rollercoaster early in their second week of vacation, and Gina wishes she could say this isn’t how their whole conversation was going up until this point, but it kind of was. One look at how popular this particular attraction was and they knew they’d be stuck waiting for a while, which led to an in-depth discussion about the summer camp the cast plans to attend in a few weeks. 

It’s the same theatre camp EJ and Nini started dating at last year, and they both used this connection to advertise it to the rest of the cast. It hadn’t taken much to wear them all down—Gina feels bad that she’s not with her mom over the summer, but three whole months away from her friends might kill her—so now the majority of the drama club is heading to camp for four weeks.

Gina’s looking forward to it—really, she is, but a part of her also worries about reverting back to Gina 1.0 around all the other campers. Ashlyn clarifying that the camp has switched to more team-building activities and honing their crafts rather than pushing a full-blown musical agenda puts her at ease, though. And while EJ hasn’t said it explicitly, Gina has a feeling he really wants to go back to camp for the security it offers their friend group now that he’ll be leaving them.

“Ohh shoot, guys,” Ashlyn says suddenly, snapping Gina out of her thoughts because she’s moving forward much more slowly now. Ashlyn nods once, then twice to herself before pointing up at the rollercoaster. “That definitely goes upside down.”

EJ and Gina both turn to follow her gaze. Gina hadn’t noticed before, but a large portion of the back half corkscrews pretty closely together with only a few moments of straight track to run on. Gina doesn’t get the problem with this until EJ holds his fist to his mouth and sucks in a breath. “And you’re scared of that,” he says with only the slightest hint of teasing.

“You are?” Gina asks, turning to Ashlyn with a quizzical look. “Then why are we even in line?”

Ashlyn puts her hands on her hips. “Because EJ suggested this ride and I just assumed he checked out the situation.” She eyeballs her cousin with such intensity Gina laughs involuntarily.

“I wasn’t looking for it!” he insists, tossing an arm out. “I was distracted by—” He catches Gina’s eye and then grows timid, dropping his voice to a whisper. “By the whole deviled egg mention,” he finishes, leaning in towards the girls.

Ashlyn gives him this look like she’s so sure that’s what he meant, but she snaps all the same. “You’re the tallest one here; we depend on you to notice these things!”

Gina puts a hand out in front of EJ—to protect who from who, she’s not sure, but the back of her hand makes contact with his chest. “We can just leave the line, Ash. No worries.”

But EJ makes an incredulous noise that she feels through her fingertips. “We’re already here!”

People are looking at this point, and although Gina knows they’re not really fighting with each other the rest of the line does not. There’s some bustle around them, and then Ashlyn just puts up her hands and reverses direction. “Sorry. I’m out. Have fun on the ride!”

Not even a minute later they’re being ushered into a cart, which Gina thinks is a whole new level of frustration that Ashlyn had to stand through the entire line before realizing. If she tries she can make out a redhead still working her way against the flow of those in line. But they are already there and it’s two to a cart per usual, so once EJ steps across the threshold and over to the far right Gina follows after him.

“This is the best seat on the whole ride,” he tells her, and he could mean the fact they’re so close to the front, but she’s more certain he’s talking about being with him.

Gina shoots him a faux irritated look, climbing into the seat beside him. “You’re lucky I love rollercoasters.”

“So do I,” he says cheekily.

“Don’t you shriek at sudden noises all the time?”

He scoffs, trying to play it off, but up close she can see how his cheeks tinge red. “Yeah, but not when I know it’s coming. Rollercoasters are completely different. In fact, I bet you’ll be the scared one, not me.”

Gina cocks her head, appraising him. “Oh really?”

EJ doesn’t back down. “Oh, absolutely.”

She shakes her head, tongue in cheek as she thinks this over. There’s no way he’s not bluffing. “Fine,” she decides, just as the seat restraints lower over them. “Since this is now a bet, I’ll be nice. Loser forfeits their dignity.”

He elbows her, which is a feat considering how clunky the restraints are. “Seems too tame for either of us.”

“Yeah, but I like you, so.”

And for the suspenseful trek up to the first drop, Gina’s perfectly fine. Heights really don’t bother her and neither does the large drop they descend into a few seconds later. It’s only when they reach the halfway point and they’ve just entered the continuous loop of upside downs and right side ups that Gina admits it’s a little more than she expected.

EJ’s whooping like there’s no tomorrow—she supposes that doesn’t count as fearful shrieking, so maybe he isn’t bluffing—but he quiets down the second she projects over the wind rushing past them, “I’m still fine, but hold my hand?” He doesn’t waste a moment before covering her hand with his, her fingers instantly curling around for more support. 

The rest of the ride goes by quickly, although with a lot more loops than she initially thought there were. She’s certain Ashlyn would’ve lost her mind up here and she tells EJ as much when their restraints are lifted, letting him help her back onto the platform. 

He immediately cackles, nodding along enthusiastically as they rush down the stairs to find Ashlyn. “I think the entire second half of that was all inversions.”

“I don’t know, let me see your hand,” Gina says playfully, catching his hand again to examine. “Do these look like minute-long marks?”

EJ tugs his hand back, taking hers with him. He squints and smiles, raising his gaze to hers. “You weren’t that scared; I’m fine.” He wiggles his fingers dramatically.

“I wasn’t scared at all, actually, so I didn’t lose.” She drops their hands once they’ve maneuvered around most of the other patrons exiting the ride. “It was just for comfort, that’s all.”

The smile that stretches across his face then is quite literally rivaling the sun’s brightness. “So you’re saying you just wanted to hold my hand?” he asks, a twinkle in his eye.

Gina can’t help but nudge the back of his hand with hers. “Oh, of course, babe.”

Logically she knows they’re kind of flirting, and physically she’s aware they have about two inches separating them as they walk and that’s not even factoring in how their hands keep brushing now. Gina doesn’t mind it because this is their whole thing, ever since Homecoming but especially since North High, and she likes indulging in their playful moments.

She does not realize, though, that they’re five feet away from Ashlyn and are receiving looks until they’ve reached her. EJ’s already discussing what ride they’ll go on next, saying something about wait times and nearby food stands, but Gina keeps her eyes on Ashlyn as she waits for the inevitable: the what was that question, which Gina’s more than prepared to answer. Except Ashlyn never asks.

࿏

gina. 

gp.

ms. porter. 

istg if this is about another ghost

no no, is someone like. throwing up rn?

…

what the fuck

who’s throwing up past midnight

oh yikes i think it might be ashlyn.

[ten minutes later]

amusement park food? seriously?

i didn’t eat a lot of it but i was fine. very odd. 

i feel so bad that she won’t be able to make deh tonight

yeah me too. :/

at least it’s not seb missing out

TRUE he would be so upset. even more than all of us combined i think. 

what time do we need to leave again? and should we like

ask one of you guys’ parents if they want the extra ticket?

idk about you but i don’t really want to see deh w my dad at my side after that whole duke fiasco. 

well i wasn’t gonna mention it butttt

they won’t miss the money tbh. 

it starts at 8. so unless we’re eating before we have the whole day. 

risotto?

HA.

risotto! i like it. 

still haven’t had it since. we gotta 👌🏽

i’ll make the reservations. 

at a more… appropriate time. not one am.

PFFT good plan

see you in the morning!

night!

࿏

Risotto is, as they anticipated, delicious. Gina wants to make it an actual recurring meal for them now honestly, but they’re cutting it close to showtime and leave in a hurry.

Gina’s once again wearing heels, so EJ holds out a hand to help her up the few stairs throughout the lobby. She leans against him after they’re in line, one hand on his shoulder as she reads the program along with him. She’s pointing excitedly to a few names they might recognize so she misses the first comment. EJ covers her hand with his to show a name she’s having trouble finding—and that’s when she hears it.

“Oh, isn’t that just precious?”

“I love young couples at the theatre.”

There’s more, but that’s the gist of it. Gina tilts her head toward EJ the tiniest bit and he presses his lips together in a trying-not-to-laugh manner. She assesses their body language and she gets it, she totally gets it, but it’s still off base. She stifles her own laugh and continues flipping through the program. 

After the fifth comment she kind of loses it, dropping her head onto his shoulder and giggling. EJ laughs right with her, his arm instinctively circling around her waist to keep her up. “We should just go with it, shouldn’t we?” he murmurs, his breath light against the crown of her head.

Gina nods against him and lifts her head. “Obviously.” 

The line starts to move and she slips her arm through EJ’s, letting a ‘babe’ or two tumble past her lips. He returns it in kind, taking her jacket as they enter the house and stake out their seats. They utilize Ashlyn’s empty seat for their belongings and then sit down themselves, EJ’s arm around her before she can even blink. She doesn’t overthink it, just leans further into his side and watches the lights dim.

She half-expects them to play up the charade throughout the show somehow, maybe mingle with others during intermission by introducing each other as boyfriend/girlfriend, but it winds up being relatively mild after that. It feels just like any other movie night, except it’s live theatre and Gina’s curled into EJ like he’s a space heater—which isn’t actually that big of a deviation when she thinks about it.

The show itself is wonderful of course. EJ sings along with some lines, whispering the words in her ear. She’s not even sure he notices he’s doing it. It makes her smile and want to join in, but she just tucks her feet up and falls in love with the storytelling. As amazing as it is she still feels bad Ashlyn had to miss it, resolving to ask her first thing in the morning how she’s feeling; it’s late enough as it is. 

As the lights come up and the other audience members start to gather their things, Gina turns to EJ. “We should get a picture for Ash.”

His eyebrows crinkle. “And what, photoshop her in?”

That’s not what she meant at all but Gina cracks up and nods anyway. She asks the first woman she sees to take a picture of them, handing her phone over. They both smile and huddle closer, surrounded by empty chairs. Gina thinks it’ll look like they’re in an empty theatre for a professional photo shoot or something. The second she gets the phone back and they thank the woman she realizes it’s more than that.

She forgot that EJ’s arm is still around her from their antics before the show, so despite them moving closer themselves, it looks that much more romantic. The way they’re smiling—slightly turned inward, like they have a secret—doesn’t help either. She likes it though; it very much captures what they’ve been up to tonight.

“Not sure how we can photoshop her in to make this look natural,” she quips, tilting the phone so EJ can see it as well.

He removes his arm now and gets to his feet. “Isn’t bad photoshop better than realistic ones anyway?”

That’s their entire debate on the drive back home, full of EJ’s unlimited Instagram knowledge and Gina shoving memes in his face at red lights. It kind of astounds her how easily they can go from fake dating in public to passionately arguing about photoshop techniques. 

It’s nearing midnight when they make it to the vacation home so they sneak in quietly, unsure who’s awake. It looks like it’s an early night for everyone but them. Gina slips her heels off in the entryway and quietly pads through the house with EJ. He hangs the keys up, locks the doors, and then they’re standing in the hallway together.

“I had a good time”—Gina holds a finger against her lips, glancing around until he lowers his voice—“tonight,” he finishes with a wry expression. “Always fun confusing people.” 

It makes her smile. “What are fake girlfriends if not musical dates?” she says softly, aware of how late it is and how close they are to Ashlyn’s door. 

His eyes light up with recognition and something else, and Gina thinks she understands why everyone assumed they were dating when he smiles at her like that. He has a beautiful smile. The thought sits heavy in her chest as she waits for him to respond, but he never quite makes it to that. 

A part of the floorboard creaks and they both halt, unsure if it was one of them or if someone else is awake. After a moment they’re giggling quietly, Gina ducking her head as she covers her mouth. She knows what he’s going to say right before he does.

“Ghost,” he whispers so softly he’s almost just mouthing the word. The green in his eyes winks at her in the dim lighting.

Gina makes a face, unsuccessfully hiding how amused she is. “Goodniiiight,” she settles on, one hand on her doorknob. She doesn’t turn it.

EJ mirrors her stance, his grin softening to a genuine smile. “Night, Gina.” And he’s not turning either.

Eventually Gina finds it within her to open the door and leave the hallway, flashing another smile his way and even a wave he reciprocates. She knows she’ll see him in the morning, but there’s just something nice about the bubble they’ve been in for the night. She drifts off to that thought, and wakes up to their photo on EJ’s Instagram captioned @sebmatthewsmith we went in your honor!

Rejoining movie night the next week has the expected results: Ashlyn refuses to leave Big Red’s side and they are very much cuddling on his bed, and Gina and EJ go toe-to-toe with everyone else about how much they’ve missed.

“When did Tom Holland get here and why is he dying already?” Gina asks, leaning forward so her elbows rest on her knees. Several people groan, which she understands considering she can’t mention the funniest part of all of this, which is Antoine’s comment from last semester. Ashlyn had eventually explained the conversation to her, but with all the subsequent inferiority issues with Big Red, she’s been sworn to secrecy.

“We missed all of the Iron Mans ?” EJ whines, visibly distraught. “You know those are my favorite!”

Howie coughs into his fist. “Shouldn’t have gone on vacation?” Ricky fist bumps him.

“That’s what I’ve been saying for two weeks now!” Carlos calls out from where his face is half-smushed against Seb’s shoulder. “I knew they’d do this!”

“Oh, come on guys,” Ashlyn finally interjects, sitting up in her spot. “You have to admit choosing the crazy-long MCU right as we’re about to leave could’ve been timed a bit better.”

“How?” Kourtney asks, making eye contact with everyone. “We all leave for camp in two days. You want us to coordinate it there?”

Nini shifts beside her, the only one who hasn’t chastised Gina and the Caswells for their complaints thus far. “If it makes you feel better, I didn’t want to watch such a long cinematic universe right off the bat either.”

There’s a pause as… yeah, Gina still doesn’t know quite what’s happening on the screen, and then all three of them deliver a resounding, “It doesn’t!”

Driving the hour-long route to camp two days later feels more like another Caswell vacation at first than a group outing, mainly because EJ drives her, Ashlyn, and Big Red out together. Ash and Red get cozy in the back, so Gina’s time up front is very reminiscent of the drive home from Louisiana. She doesn’t bring it up, but EJ turns show tunes on again all the same.

It’s roughly past three p.m. when they arrive, well within the allotted timeframe for campers. It feels as if they’ve been driving for an entire day already and yet also only five minutes. Gina attributes that to how comfortable traveling with EJ is—how comfortable anything is with him, really. She swears she could be having the worst day of her life and all he would need to do is smile in her direction and her mood would shift for the better.

She disagrees with this assessment, though, when another car cuts them off as they’re about to park and EJ takes that moment to say, “I think that’s you when we were in New Mexico.”

Gina exhales sharply, surprised by the comment. “Okay, that car came out of nowhere and you agreed with me when it happened,” she insists, staring at him incredulously.

EJ is clearly fighting a smile as he backs into the spot. “I don’t know how to tell you this, but I was asleep before that. I only woke up because of the screeeeech—”

“Oh my god, I hate you so much,” she says, unbuckling. “You literally asked me if I wanted to drive today.”

“Because I knew I’d be awake.”

“Or because you’re lazy.”

She fully expects Ashlyn and Big Red to be—canoodling or whatever behind them, but she climbs out of the car and they’re already grabbing luggage out of the back. EJ makes a face at her over the roof and Gina mirrors the expression before Kourtney stops by.

“Heyyy girl,” she says, coming from another part of the parking lot. She motions to the car door with her bag. “I see you called shotgun. I would’ve too, but Nini’s moms were driving us and I couldn’t boot one of them out.”

Gina laughs and shakes her head, leading her around the back. She assumes Howie drove himself then. “Uh, on the contrary. The second Big Red got to the house Ashlyn decided they would be taking the backseat.” Kourtney’s face morphs into immediate discomfort and Gina swallows down a cackle. “Yeah, EJ was too uncomfortable to broach it, so I got the passenger seat.”

“I don’t know if I should say congratulations or that you dodged a bullet,” Kourt surmises, pursing her lips exaggeratedly to show her distaste.

They reach the trunk right as Gina goes to answer, but instead of speaking EJ calls out “Think fast!” and tosses her duffel at her from the close distance of three feet. 

Gina catches it against her chest, laughing through a gasp. “Rude!” She fixes him with a glare but he just laughs and picks up the rest of her luggage. “Yeah, that’s the guilt!” she projects after him once he starts walking toward the entrance.

Kourtney just shakes her head and closes the trunk for her. “You two, I swear.”

Gina smiles ahead as they trail after him. “He’s just a goof.”

The majority of their friends are waiting at the gates, effectively splitting Gina’s attention, so she hears Kourtney say “More like you’re both goofs” but her eyes say something completely different. Gina’s too busy fighting with EJ over carrying her own suitcase to notice the implication.

࿏

The next morning Gina spends at least twenty minutes in the bathroom with Nini and Kourtney doing their makeup, although how Kourt finishes before either of them is a total mystery. Ashlyn calls out her magical powers when she steps in to apply concealer, foundation, mascara, and brush out her eyebrows before leaving. Gina knows logically she won’t do her full makeup every day, but she likes feeling ready for the first full day at camp. 

She feels more validated when she exits the cabin first, immediately noticing EJ walking up towards her door, his hair in its regular swoop. “Hey!” he says happily, not sounding like it’s eight a.m. at all.

She smiles funnily at him, descending the stairs. “Hey, what’re you doing over here? Isn’t your cabin on the other side of the lake?”

“The pond, actually, I didn’t walk that far,” he corrects, his cheeks tinting red slightly. “And your cabin’s on the way to the mess hall, so I suggested all the guys head over to walk with the girls.” She continues to stare at him, and he sighs after a moment as they reach each other. “Clearly it’s just me. I wasn’t thinking that two of them are dating each other, Ricky feels weird about waiting for Nini, and Big Red had a clothing mishap. Howie’s helping him.”

The cabin door swings open behind them, so Gina turns to see Ashlyn coming out. “Big Red’s struggling to get dressed,” she says casually, wondering exactly what that means even as she understands completely.

EJ waves a hand around. “He and Howie should be here in a couple minutes if you wanna wait, Ash.”

She nods and starts heading back into the cabin, but Nini rushes over and holds the door open. She still has a mascara wand in one hand and her hair clipped away from her face. “Could you guys go and save a table? There’s so many of us.”

Gina and EJ share a look. “And the two of us would be able to keep an entire table because…?” he asks, dragging out the question. 

“Oh come on, Gina’s intimidating!” comes Kourtney’s voice from somewhere inside. “I know EJ attracts ladies sometimes but just ward them off!”

Ashlyn immediately starts laughing at this, so Gina has to agree before EJ gets offended. “We’ve got it!” she projects, turning around and latching onto EJ’s arm as his face contorts.

“It’s not crazy!” he says over his shoulder, but Gina keeps him moving.

It’s only a five-minute walk to the mess hall, the sun just barely risen and the pathway all but deserted. Gina eyes the open trail in front of them. “We’re definitely right about what time breakfast is, right?”

“Breakfast was all Ricky would talk about last night,” EJ deadpans. “It has to be right.”

Gina smirks at that, matching her steps to his. “I take it you’re not thrilled about your cabin?”

“Oh, no, I love the guys,” he assures her, noticing she’s watching their strides and purposely speeding up. “I’m just coming to terms with the fact that the sleeping part might be more of an illusion.”

She laughs, moving into his space more just to mess with him. “It’s been one night!”

“And I already know that! Isn’t that bad?” He laughs with her, nudging her to the edge of the walkway with how much he retaliates. “How’re the girls?”

“Perfectly fine.”

He groans. “Of course.”

They keep up the shenanigans the rest of the way, the topic changing from cabins to what they’re looking forward to the most to how your cabin is not haunted, EJ, I don’t know what your obsession with ghosts is. The fast-paced, easy conversation puts Gina in an even better mood, energizing her for the rest of the day. She’s glad he came to walk with her.

She doesn’t realize until they’ve reached the mess hall that their arms are still linked, so she lets go and moves toward the first table she sees. “You take one side, I take the other?”

He follows what she says, crossing over to sit down in front of her. They’re not the first ones in the building but there are very few people milling around. EJ must stretch out his legs because Gina feels his shoes bump into hers. He’s still surveying the room, but he smiles and moves over wordlessly.

“We’re giving them until eight-thirty and then we’re getting food ourselves, right?” she asks after a moment, her stomach growling slightly.

EJ scoffs. “Obviously. If we’re the only ones on time then they don’t deserve food.”

Gina grins and laughs so hard that he finally faces her, dissolving into laughter as well. It’s easily one of her favorite things about being friends with EJ. Laughing with him just makes her so happy.

“Hello, campers,” says a familiar voice, breaking them out of their trance. They both turn to see none other than Miss Jenn standing at their table. EJ opens his mouth to speak, but their teacher shushes him and points to her name tag. “Before you say anything, I’m Counselor Jenn around here. Not sure if that’s a promotion or demotion, but neither here nor there.”

Gina blinks, aware her confusion is showing on her face. “You signed up to be a counselor?”

Miss Jenn puts her hands out, a ‘duh’ look crossing her face. “Well, I needed something to do with my Wildcats this summer!” Then she pauses, glancing away from them and around the room. “And it pays. I needed that too.”

Gina manages to muffle a giggle, focusing on EJ’s expression to quell it. He’s not doing much better but he does manage to ask, “So how’s Mr. Mazzara? I haven’t seen him since graduation.”

“Benjamin? I have no thought on his whereabouts this summer,” Miss Jenn says, tone not stilted but the words coming out oddly all the same. Gina blinks at her, not the least bit convinced that she doesn’t know where Mr. Mazzara is; the only question is why she’s dodging it.

EJ catches the awkward phrasing too, raising his eyebrows right back at her when they make eye contact. They’ll definitely be discussing that later. “Yeah, it’s just weird not seeing him at AV Club and stuff.”

Gina nods along like they’re not brushing off any weird behavior or trying to get to the bottom of it. “He was always nice when I talked to him at the Menkies and Carlos’s quinceañero.”

“I am sure you will see him around town once camp is over,” Miss Jenn cuts in, and the attempt at shutting down the topic is so obvious Gina has a hard time understanding how Miss Jenn thinks it’s subtle. “For now, let’s have some fun! Just us Wildcats!”

“And no more North High drama,” EJ adds under his breath, but Gina nods emphatically. They might have upped their game and won both the Menkies and the NYU scholarship for him, but North High still caused an overload of trouble for them last semester. Howie included, although his reasons have more than redeemed him.

Miss Jenn checks her watch and gasps aloud. “Ah, I’ve gotta go kids! But I will see you two at the volleyball tournament on Wednesday. I volunteered to be referee.” She smiles and waves before leaving.

Gina watches her walk away for about two seconds before asking, “Do you think she has any clue how volleyball even works?”

“Maybe if we sing out HSM lyrics before spiking she’ll let it slide,” EJ theorizes, a smile in his voice.

“Definitely worth a shot,” she agrees, turning to smile back. Sure enough, his eyes are trained on her and a smile is tugging at his lips. “You’ll need all the help you can get playing against me.”

He makes a face. “You say that like I’m not an athlete.”

“EJ, you and I both know you’re a theatre kid at heart,” she starts, an admiring tone sneaking into her voice as she does so. Learning more about his multi-faceted personality over the past few months has been one of the highlights of her time in Salt Lake, and being able to tease him along the way only makes it better. “And I’m also ruthless when it comes to volleyball.”

He doesn’t recoil at the smack-talk, just tilts his head inquiringly. “Gina 1.0 ruthless?”

“Oh, you don’t even know.”

Now groups of people are bustling in, the official breakfast time of eight-thirty fast approaching. EJ places his hands on the table and leans toward her. “Think we should lay down to cover more ground?”

Gina laughs, her face splitting into a smile. “On the benches?” He nods, but he’s laughing too, clearly kidding. “Just put your legs up, you dork,” she teases, reaching across to shove his hands off the table.

Just like that, Miss Jenn’s weird attitude about Mr. Mazzara is forgotten as they cross their legs on the benches, having to pivot slightly to see each other head-on. Some people still approach them, though, so after the second time EJ puts his hand out, palm up on the table, like that’ll help. Gina still takes it, tapping her thumb against his any time he moves around too much. It quickly devolves into a round of thumb wrestling.

Eventually their friends join them, most confused at their arrangement but Nini just laughs and thanks them for their dedication, setting her stuff down beside Gina. Seb mentions seeing Miss Jenn outside as they all claim seats, and that prompts EJ to go into a very detailed rendition of the Mazzara reaction. Gina falls into step beside him, providing all the things he forgets and laughing along with him at their friends’ reactions. They all agree to lay on the suspicion extra-thick later in the week when Miss Jenn’s refereeing the volleyball tournament, and that plan alone feels so very much them that Gina loves it immediately. It’s not the same as starting at a new school, but Gina can’t remember ever having such a good first day already. 

࿏

Independence Day marks their first official week at camp, full of festivities in the form of sparklers, fireworks, and song after song around the bonfire as the sky grows darker.

Gina’s face is done up in an elaborate flag creation, courtesy of Kourtney of course, and by the time she exits their cabin she realizes two things: it’s well past seven p.m. now, and no one is left unscathed. Seb is swinging around in Carlos’s arms, both of them with opposite halves of their faces painted, like they’re mirrors. Big Red looks like a mini firework himself, both him and Ashlyn sporting only white and blue makeup in contrast to their hair. Gina smiles in their direction but keeps moving as she searches for EJ.

She’s fairly certain he was one of the first to get Kourtney’d, and since Nini is still in there playing around with her own technique, Howie is there to admire his girlfriend, and Ricky can still be heard yelling, “How is that not poking my eye out?!” she’s sure he’s somewhere around here.

It’s been happening for a while now, Gina finding herself gravitating toward EJ and vice versa. She thinks their road trip and vacation helped solidify their friendship, and now she naturally wants to be around him. Ashlyn, too, but she didn’t change Ashlyn’s contact name to “babe” in her phone, did she?

Just thinking about their fake dating hijinks gets her smiling, right as she picks him out amidst a group of older campers. As she makes her way over she can’t help but hope they’re not discussing college plans. There’s a difference between being ridiculously proud of his winning the NYU scholarship and wanting to have a full-blown discussion about how excited he is to leave them behind.

Gina ignores the stab of sadness and steps up beside him, putting a hand on his shoulder to announce her presence. “Hey,” she says, smiling at the whole group in lieu of asking what they were talking about. If it was college-related, she’d really rather not know.

“Hey,” EJ echoes, glancing at the rest of the guys. “You remember Gina,” he says, tilting his head her way.

But that allows her to see just a hint of bright blue facepaint across his cheekbone, so she leans forward and uses her free hand to grip his chin, turning his face toward her. She grins, pleased to realize the blue is in the shape of one half of a star, the rest extending into his hairline with white paint. It’s a different patriotic look than she’s seen so far, but she thinks it suits him.

Gina smirks, shifting her gaze from his cheek to his green eyes. “Did you ask for Kourtney to accentuate your cheekbones?”

Vaguely she hears the people he was talking to excuse themselves, promising to catch up later when he’s not preoccupied, but EJ just laughs at her and playfully shoves her hand off him. “And if I did, you’d say that was really smart of me, right?”

She shrugs, shifting to stand in front of him. “You wish. I’d say red stripes on the other side of your face would look better.”

He just gestures to her own face. “You mean like yours?” She does in fact have the left side of her face from the eyes down covered in red stripes as well as her lips, and Kourtney somehow made her eyebrows a gorgeously pigmented blue. EJ grins. “I think we’re matching, actually.”

Gina laughs, nodding as she pieces it together. “Yeah, I think you’re right. I’ll even let you post a picture of it on your Instagram if you change your username in front of me.”

EJ purses his lips and nods as well, looking off into the distance. “Should’ve seen that one coming.”

She can’t help but shrug. “You should’ve. The memes haven’t let up.” She’s made good on her promise from their road trip, which, of course, turned into half of their text conversations being split between iMessage and Instagram. She’s fine with the development. 

She’s expecting him to continue fighting her on this, but he’s fishing his phone out of his pocket instead. He brings it to life and swipes over to his camera, stepping closer to her. “I’ll change it if the picture looks good, alright?”

Gina scoffs, instantly wrapping an arm around his waist. Their go-to pose has, naturally, become their ‘babe’ pose. “Like either of us ever look bad in photos.”

He brings his arm around her shoulder, tugging her against his side as his laughter reverberates through them. He doesn’t give her any warning, just snaps the photo, and Gina’s ninety-nine percent sure they’re both laughing in it and not even looking at the camera. EJ doesn’t even show her before he’s posting it. By the time she gets the notification and opens Instagram, he’s stayed true to his promise. 

@ejcaswell: what are wonderstudies for if not to forcibly bully you into changing your username

She lifts her head and gives him a cheeky grin. “Very cute.”

He opens his mouth and pauses, eyes skittering across her face. She just waits, watching him right back. She thinks he’s just gathered his thoughts enough to say something when Natalie calls out to them.

Gina pivots until she sees her, and yep: she’s been Kourtney’d as well. She has two symmetrical fireworks drawn on the apples of her cheeks, which is fitting when she tells them, “We thought, since it’s the halfway point of the year, we’d do something like kissing at midnight on New Year’s. Later, during the grand finale.”

Gina raises her eyebrows at the idea. EJ’s similar, only tilting his head in appraisal. “Can’t control stage crew at camp so you have to control the fireworks?” EJ asks, but his tone is playful and Gina’s relieved to see Natalie smiling.

“You bet your ass I am,” she declares, clapping once. “So yeah, when the fireworks are about to start we’ll remind everyone, but it’s only during the finale. We’re not in the business of traumatizing the younger kids.”

That becomes a running joke for the next few hours. They gather around a bonfire on and off, Carlos announcing he “can’t wait to scare off the homophobes.” Seb changes it to “informing the uninformed,” but everyone’s already toasting to Carlos’s plan, knocking marshmallows together instead of glasses. Ricky’s flaming one sets Big Red’s alight.

Gina helps Howie refill some coolers with more soda, promises someone constructive criticism at their next dance workshop, and finds herself agreeing to go hiking with the girls in the week. By all means, she is way too busy and on the move to spend even a second thinking about the fireworks plan.

But later, when it’s past ten and nearing the grand finale, it actually hits her that soon enough there will be more New Year’s Eve countdown-esque kisses all around her, and she’ll once again be alone. It doesn’t matter that she’s gotten over Ricky by this point or that she’s not looking for a romantic relationship. She knows she’ll remember the slight sting from last year, only now it’ll be on a much larger scale; there are still three couples in their friend group right now, even if the duos have shifted over time, but the camp is full of them.

Gina wishes it didn’t bother her. It doesn’t look like it’s bothering Ricky or Nini. They’re nowhere near each other and they still look beyond excited for the biggest part of the show in a few minutes. But then she sees how happy Seb and Carlos, Big Red and Ashlyn, and Howie and Kourt are, and the yearning is back in full force for the moment.

EJ’s right beside her, cheering with the rest of their friends whenever a particularly pretty firework lights up the sky. She knows he nudges her once and points out when it matches her face paint, which is a sweet thing to say even if he’s unaware of her inner turmoil. It’s three minutes, two minutes, one minute until the end and Gina’s making a decision whether she knows it or not. 

There’s an uproar as the finale starts and Gina doesn’t think, just turns to EJ under the exploding fireworks in the sky and plants her lips on his. Just for a second, and more simple physical contact than anything serious, but she still does it. When she pulls back, she’s prepared to see him grinning and laughing along with her. What she’s not prepared to see is most of her lipstick smeared across his mouth and the rest of him visibly freezing up.

She smiles uneasily, mind racing suddenly. Maybe she didn’t think this through enough. Her eyes flit across his face, wondering how she can mention he needs to wipe the lipstick off without making it weird. “Didn’t want us to be left out,” she explains, which feels like a half-truth now in her muddled confusion.

EJ still looks startled and, yeah, this is exactly what she wanted to avoid. Gina’s realizing she majorly fucked up in thinking this would be sweet when he finally manages to smile back at her, nodding his head. “Yeah, yeah good thinking. Really completes our whole shtick anyway.”

And now she’s laughing, the concern dissipating almost immediately. “Exactly! You get it,” she agrees, grinning.

He laughs along with her, looking much more like himself already. Gina’s too relieved to dwell on it any longer, so she turns outward to survey the rest of their friend group. She knows their kiss was really chaste, barely even a kiss really, but how long have Ashlyn and Big Red been borderline making out?

Nini appears at her side as if summoned, covering her mouth. “Are you seeing this too?”

EJ stiffens for a split second, which Gina tries not to worry about. “They’re really in love,” Gina surmises, nodding over at the sight. Ricky’s currently slipping out from behind them, his eyebrows practically disappearing into his hairline.

“It’s super cute,” Nini gushes, diverting her gaze after a moment to raise her own eyebrows at Gina. “But still public.”

“Yeahhh, but that’s also my cousin, so I’m gonna,” EJ finally speaks, jerking his thumb backward. “Go somewhere else.” He gives them a lopsided smile and then removes himself from the throng of people. Gina watches him go, the fear materializing in her stomach again. It’s such a perfectly timed departure that she can’t help but wonder if she caused it.

But she doesn’t have long to fret over it, because Nini’s asking for her opinion about a song she’s working on two seconds later and they’re moving closer to her ukulele resting by the fire to workshop it a bit. Gina’s no songwriter, and she tells Nini this much, even as she’s thankful for the distraction. She just hopes her stomach settles before the next round of s’mores.

࿏

Two days later she still feels the same, a relentless niggling at the back of her mind that she messed things up with EJ.

It’s not like he’s been avoiding her. He hasn’t even had the chance, as they’ve literally been focused on separate activities since the Fourth—and somehow that’s worse than if he were actively staying away from her. Time constraints and obligations keep them apart, but Gina’s so used to making space for someone who’s become her best friend that it stings nonetheless.

The girls are about a mile into their leisurely, early morning hike when Kourtney sidles up next to Gina. She readjusts her pack over her shoulder and raises a perfect eyebrow. Gina’s slacked off on makeup while at camp, but Kourtney’s looking as fierce as ever.

“What’s wrong, girl?” Kourtney asks, eyeing her warily. “You look like you’re about to zone out and trip over any of these thousands of roots.”

Gina has to chuckle at that because the path they’ve chosen is incredibly rooty and full of overgrown vegetation. She half-believes this isn’t an actual trail. She shakes her head and reaches out to hold back a particularly long branch in front of them. “Nothing. Just getting lost in nature, I guess.”

“More like getting lost in your head.” Kourtney pulls a face, moving to shove aside some branches herself. “Spill.”

“III… that’s nice, Kourt but I’m not really,” she starts, fumbling over her words. This isn’t something she expected to get confronted about, and much less something she wants to do the confronting about, but one or the other is bound to happen. They’re at camp for another two and a half weeks and she outright refuses to feel odd around EJ the whole time. “I’m not up for talking about it right now, that’s all.”

Gina doesn’t realize she’s been eyeing the back of Ashlyn’s head at the front of the group until Kourtney asks, in an overly curious tone, “What, it’s about Ash?”

“No, not at all, it’s—” And she pauses, watching as the wheels turn in Kourtney’s head as to what she’s not saying. Gina trusts her implicitly, finding it within herself to relinquish this secret if it means some advice. After all, Kourtney knows a thing or two about whether or not a relationship is beyond repair after the whole Howie situation. So Gina sighs, pushes a curly lock of hair out of her face, and mutters under her breath, “I kind of kissed EJ during the fireworks and now I think he’s all weird about it.”

Kourtney bursts out laughing. Gina immediately turns away from her, rubbing the back of her neck and giving Ashlyn a flippant wave when she glances back. Thankfully Natalie is discussing… something in-depth with her, so Ashlyn lets it drop and faces forward again.

She waits another long moment before looking back to Kourtney, who’s trying to compose herself now. “Are you done?” Gina asks, her teeth clenched together tightly.

Kourtney whistles and wipes at her eyes. “Oh god! Yeah, yeah I’m good.” She drops her hands after a second and turns to Gina. “Now why would kissing EJ be all weird?”

“You kissed EJ?” comes Nini’s excited whisper, and Gina’s unashamed to admit she jumps. She was so focused on Ashlyn ahead of them that she forgot Nini was trailing behind. “I knew I saw you two during the fireworks,” she divulges, looking for all intents and purposes like she just won the lottery.

Gina’s flabbergasted, to say the least. “What do you mean, you saw us?”

Nini just smiles widely. “I was coming over to ask about it, because I wasn’t sure if you were dating or not”—Gina doesn’t even have the bandwidth to register this statement; they’ve pretended to date multiple times before, so it stands to reason they’ll get mistaken—“but you wanted to talk about Ashlyn and Big Red, so I let it drop.” She lowers her voice at ‘Ashlyn and Big Red,’ which Gina’s grateful for but half-mortified about too.

“We’re not dating,” she clarifies, addressing Nini first before turning to Kourtney. She has no idea where they are on the trail now. Her dancer legs were never burning to begin with but she has a sneaking suspicion her face is. “And it’d only be weird because I don’t— we don’t go around kissing our friends, you know? I just thought it’d be fine to do so we weren’t the only ones left out of the festivity.”

Kourtney doesn’t even bother hiding her skepticism. “Girl. Almost half of y’all are single.”

Gina’s too embarrassed to acknowledge that, so she tilts her head and asks, “Sorry, should I have kissed you?”

“No Kourtney for you,” she snorts, just as Nini pushes in between them, a comforting hand resting on Gina’s elbow.

“Hey, I get it. You’re close friends so you thought it’d be nice,” she assures her, keeping her voice quiet. “You explained that to him, right?”

Gina nods, willing herself to calm down. “Not in so many words, but yeah. I didn’t just kiss him and dip.”

“Then why’s it weird?”

She just shakes her head, tongue in cheek for a moment as she contemplates how ridiculous of a conversation this must be for them. Maybe nothing seems off from an outsider’s perspective. “I don’t know, it’s—more of a fear, I guess? He left really quickly after you came over to talk, and I haven’t gotten a chance to see how he acts around me these past couple of days so I’m just…”

Nini only smiles. “You’re worried he’ll start avoiding you in case he thinks you’re reading into it and he’s not.”

“ Yeah,” Gina breathes out sharply.

Kourtney simply snorts. “I don’t think you have to worry about that.”

Gina’s about to ask her to elaborate when Nini nudges Kourtney in the side sharply. They share a look, so Gina says slowly, with more intent behind the question than she would’ve used initially, “What do you mean?”

There’s a long moment where neither says anything and Gina is left to stare at them, but eventually Nini starts speaking. “It’s just that you guys are such good friends, right?” Gina nods, still watching her carefully. “So Kourt’s saying there’s nothing to worry about. You’re probably just overthinking it because you haven’t seen him yet.”

Kourtney keeps her face forward and does not contribute to Nini’s analysis, but Gina thinks it does the trick. Aside from how quickly EJ left during the fireworks, which can easily be related to his cousin making out with her boyfriend, then she really has no evidence to base this on. It’s likely less fear of freaking EJ out and more of losing a part of her friend group, but even that feels like another half-truth. But it’s the only thing that makes sense, so Gina leans into it.

“You’re probably right,” she acquiesces, pleased to notice the fluttering in her stomach dissipating. “I mean, you dated him; you would know.”

Nini’s quick “Yeah, but he’s different with you” should just be an extra confirmation, but instead it’s the one thing that sticks in Gina’s mind as they reach the end of the trail and she loses her chance to ask Nini in what ways.

࿏

By their first dance workshop of the week, Gina thinks the girls must be right and everything’s normal between them, if EJ spinning her around the second he enters the studio is anything to go off of. Despite the concern she’s felt for the past couple of days and the omnipresent yearning to clear the air, she pushes all her worries to the back of her mind and twines their hands more comfortably. She shows him a couple of new dance moves as their friends circle around them, Seb joining in nearly immediately. Carlos calls out corrections to their technique and even demonstrates a few moves himself as they wait for the instructor to arrive.

Gina makes eye contact with Ashlyn for a moment, and the redhead is giving her such an enthusiastic thumbs up that Gina almost trips. Gina has purposefully kept the Fourth a secret from Ashlyn so as not to make things weird—she’s not even aware of the babe thing, at least not more than overhearing something about it once or twice out of context—so Gina takes a breath and assumes this is a compliment for her dancing, not a—a go-ahead or something. 

The instructor enters a moment later, so Gina lets herself forget all about it as she falls into line next to EJ. He’s attentive and focused on what they’re being told, automatically turning to her when they’re about to start partner work. It eases the rest of her concern. Back to normal. The phrase rings a faint bell in her mind. 

But then the instructor starts pairing them off, swinging Nini around into Seb and shifting Carlos over to Big Red. Gina loses track of who’s with who, and then the instructor takes EJ by the arm and replaces him with Ricky. 

It’s not like she hasn’t been alone with Ricky since she set boundaries at the quinceañero, but this is definitely the first time they’ve been paired up for an exercise. Since that improv class where she ignored him, she’s turned to EJ for any and all activities. This feels wrong in more ways than one, but Gina pastes a smile on her face and prepares to follow their instructor.

Ricky still has close to two left feet, but he’s trying much more than he was when he initially joined the musical back in the fall. As long as he’s trying then she’ll try too, and over the next half hour Gina learns to appreciate all the effort he’s putting into just being a friendly presence around her. A part of her has missed this.

࿏

Gina thinks most of the girls notice that EJ is face-down on the picnic table when they show up to breakfast, but Ashlyn still sits on the other side before asking him what’s wrong. Kourtney settles to the left of EJ so Gina takes the right, her hand itching to rest on his back.

It’s a side effect after the Fourth, second-guessing if she should do something in case it makes things weird again—especially where physical contact is involved. But she’s working on ignoring that, so she places her hand between his shoulder blades and rubs in a circular motion. “You good, EJ?” she asks quietly, tilting her head so it’s parallel with his.

He reacts immediately, turning his head to face her with tired eyes. “Didn’t sleep much,” he explains in garbled English. She couldn’t tell before but now she sees that his hair is flattened against his forehead instead of its regular done-up state. 

She doesn’t call attention to it directly, but Ashlyn nudges her cousin’s outstretched hand. “What could’ve made you this tired?”

As if on cue, the rest of the guys enter the mess hall. Seb and Carlos are holding hands and not hollering like children, but Ricky, Big Red, and Howie more than make up for the quiet couple in front of them. EJ doesn’t have to, but he still lifts a finger to point in their direction. Gina grimaces, catching Ashlyn doing much of the same.

“Big Red, honey,” Ashlyn calls out once he’s closer. “Can you be a little quieter? You guys kept EJ up.”

“Howie! Shut your mouth and come sit down,” Kourtney calls out, crossing her arms.

Seb offers a sincere apology on his way by and Carlos echoes the sentiment. Big Red clams up, nodding as he takes the seat next to his girlfriend. Howie rolls his eyes and proceeds to tease Kourt.

But EJ’s sitting up, Gina’s hand dropping from his back. “No, no, it’s too late. I’m awake now. I just have to deal with it today.”

“Sorry man,” Ricky says before sitting across from Gina, rather than his usual spot at the other end of the table. The change has to be on purpose, though, because he turns to her and adds, “Thanks again for putting up with me dancing the other day. I’m not sure I’m up to par, but it feels like it helped.”

She manages a smile, aware of their easygoing rapport at the back of her mind like a reminder of what once was. “Yeah, of course. You were really trying too, so thank you for that.”

He smiles back before engaging both her and EJ in a conversation. Gina can’t even say what about, because she’s kind of floored by his continued attempts since the aforementioned dance workshop. She knows he’s been seeing a therapist since Beauty and the Beast ended, and even that his dad arranged for said therapist to visit him at camp every Sunday so he doesn’t get off schedule. She knows it’s about the divorce and his fear of change and probably all things Nini, but she can’t help but wonder if they’ve covered how he treated her, now that he’s working to be different.

Big Red interjects with a perfectly timed anecdote about Ricky ripping his pants skating once, and all the attention rightfully shifts down to him as he tells the tale. Ricky protests at first, but he quiets down after a while and Gina’s sure she can feel his gaze on her. She pushes it aside and focuses on EJ’s reaction instead.

࿏

Gina manages to make it through most of camp without discussing college with EJ, but the time comes at the beginning of their last week.

She’s heading back from the showers late one night, which is located closer to the boys’ cabins than the girls’. She’s never thought much of its placement until she’s towel-drying her hair as she walks, her head tilted to the side just enough that she notices EJ sitting on his cabin’s steps. The open door behind him casts just enough light onto him.

She doesn’t bother calling out to him before she walks over. His gaze lifts to her, a thin smile appearing. She knows that unsure smile because it tugs at her heart in an awful way. It reminds her of how he views himself, such a warped image of who he truly is. It’s his ‘thinking about the future’ smile.

Gina settles beside him, wringing out her hair a final time before setting the towel aside. “What’s up?” she asks quietly. Anything louder feels wrong in the stillness of the night.

“Just—thinking,” he starts, sounding abnormally closed off. He blinks. “About college stuff.”

She crosses her ankles a few steps down, running her fingers through her damp hair. “About leaving or actual college?”

“Both, I guess.”

She sucks in a breath. No getting out of this one, then. “Oh.”

“Yeah, then there’s also the whole ‘NYU isn’t my dream’ thing, not like I thought Duke was, but—I mean, I still don’t really know what it is yet anyway.” He looks utterly lost for a moment. He opens up so easily to her, though, so Gina drops her hand on top of his, curling her fingers around his to encourage him to keep going. “It’s just a really good opportunity, I guess,” he gets out, looking down at their hands.

“It is,” she agrees, knowing it’s the truth despite how she personally feels.

EJ looks lost in thought for a few beats, clearly zoning out until he shakes his head, rolls his shoulders back, and takes his hand away. He leans on his palms. “Sorry. I know you don’t really wanna talk about this.”

Gina’s eyebrows furrow. “What do you mean?”

EJ gives her a look so clear she doesn’t even have to decipher it in the dark. “Gina. We haven’t talked about NYU since I got the scholarship.” There’s a pause before he adds for emphasis, “That was in May.” It’s definitely something he’s noticed before this conversation. 

She wants to grimace but she lifts a shoulder noncommittally instead, fully aware it doesn’t match what she’s about to say. “I’ve been avoiding it a little, yeah. Not because I don’t want to help you figure things out or lend an ear or anything, but…” He’s looking at her, so she continues even though she doesn’t want to. She’s not sure she’ll be able to keep a handle on her emotions if she does. “Come on, EJ, you know I don’t want you to leave.”

He looks slightly taken aback at it, actually. “You don’t?”

Gina turns to look at him head-on now, her eyebrows raised. “I don’t want my best friend to leave me behind? Yeah, such a novel concept. Let’s write a book about that.”

It’s a testament to how seriously he’s taking this conversation that he doesn’t tease her about the best friend comment. “It’s not like I want to leave you either,” he admits, stretching his legs out. One brushes against her bare skin. “Hell, I’d bring you to New York if I could. Fulfill some of that wanderlust of yours.”

She doesn’t smile like she knows he wants her to, like she wants to. “It’s just—Salt Lake is like home for me now, and the only people who won’t be here with me are my mom and…” She shakes her head, blinking a couple of times. “And I’m making this about myself, sorry.”

EJ makes a noise in protest. “No, this was what I was thinking about anyway. I thought camp would be fun, and it has, but now that it's almost over it’s…”

Gina sighs. “Upsetting.”

He echoes the sigh. “Very.” They sit in silence for a moment, the crickets chirping and the fireflies lighting up in their voices’ absence. Gina wonders how such a beautiful sight could be this sad. “What do you think you’ll do in your junior year?”

She thinks it over. “Probably the same thing, honestly. Both musicals, same friend group. Maybe get a job.”

“Salt Lake Slices?”

“I do know the family.”

“Oh yeah?” EJ leans in and says mischievously, “I’m practically an in-law.”

She snorts at that, pressing her forehead against his shoulder to compose herself. He’s not far off at all with that claim, a thought that makes her impossibly happy and giggly at the same time. She’ll miss this. She’ll miss him an inordinate amount. Somehow, addressing it has made her ache even more for what she’s going to lose.

“I could visit?” Gina says before she realizes she’s going to, her tone entirely hopeful. “Maybe?” It’s embarrassing, and presumptuous, really, that she assumes she’ll be the one flying out to see him instead of his family.

EJ’s smiling, though, when she lifts her head. “I’ll buy the plane ticket.”

And that finally pulls a real laugh out of her, doubling over at how perfect it is. He joins in, jostling her to the side. If Gina could create the perfect scenario, then it would be EJ never leaving Salt Lake while still figuring out his dream; her second perfect scenario is this. Them, coming full circle.

“EJ. EJ.”

They startle and look behind them to see Carlos staring through the screen door, a face mask and a fluffy white robe on. Gina claps a hand over her mouth immediately. EJ just shakes his head, blinking rapidly. “Wh-What is this? You haven’t done this before.”

Carlos gives him a no-nonsense kind of look. “I want to look good for tomorrow, which won’t happen unless someone gets his ass to bed.”

Seb appears behind him, dressed much more casually. He’s wearing flannel pajamas and looks as if he just woke up. “Sorry,” he cuts in, caressing Carlos’s arm. “He gets cranky without his beauty sleep.”

They leave the door open as they move out of sight and suddenly Gina can hear—“Is that a sleep apnea machine?” she asks, wondering how such a thing could exist in the boys’ cabin and she didn’t know about it.

EJ sighs, such a deep exhale that it’s clear he wishes he didn’t know about it either. “Yeah, that’s Big Red.”

Gina widens her eyes and shakes her head, fighting a laugh. She squeezes EJ’s shoulder. “Goodnight.”

“See you in the morning,” he says, the same muted laughter in his voice as he heads back inside, smiling at her over his shoulder before she turns around.

࿏

The last night of camp before they leave the next morning is reserved for karaoke, except it’s rightfully turned into a glorified talent show at this point. Gina’s in three official acts; she’s pretty sure getting dragged on stage outside of those is still an option.

Gina’s glad it’s been expanded from just karaoke because that allows her to combine all the separate pieces she’s been creating in their dance workshops into one routine. It’s fast-paced and yet melancholy at the same time, a byproduct of putting the finishing touches on it the night after her NYU chat with EJ.

She focuses on the moves and the lights and how she can see all her wonderful friends cheering for her, but at the back of her mind she acknowledges it’s one week away from August, three weeks away from EJ’s birthday, and a month away from EJ’s flight out. It sits heavy in her chest. Normally she’s the one leaving; she’s not sure how to handle someone else leaving her.

He hugs her as soon as she makes it back to their seats and she nearly falls into his lap from how much they’re moving around. Kourtney and Seb laugh with them, jostling right back and adding to the compliments. It’s nice. It’s all really, really nice, and sweet, and Gina is extremely happy to have them all. But she still sort of wants to hold EJ’s hand when they settle down, and she still holds back, her emotions threatening to drown out the excitement.

It doesn't go away but it does quiet down a little when EJ and Ricky do a playful duet of sorts, utilizing fake swords and a lot of physical comedy. EJ had told her already that it was based around some late-night shenanigans the guys got up to but she is not prepared to laugh as much as she does. They’re all bravado and exaggeration and it’s probably the best act all night. Nini calls out its resemblance to the Sharpay and Ryan “brr brr ma!” bit from Thanksgiving, at which point the whole group loses it. Big Red is definitely filming. Howie starts the standing ovation.

It’s the last act from East High, so Gina deems it appropriate to sneak off to the side and hug EJ before he has to make his way through the audience. She clings to him for a moment in her excitement, muttering words of encouragement and “we’ve got a new choreographer on our hands, I see.” EJ just wraps her up and laughs in her ear, and it’s honestly a wonderful way to close out her camp experience.

And then she pulls away and Ricky hugs her next. She freezes for a moment before returning it, genuinely caught off guard. EJ’s already weaving through the crowd so she can’t raise her eyebrows at him, but she wasn’t planning on hugging Ricky at all. It’s very tame, especially compared to their spin-hug from last year, but it still makes Gina do a double-take. They walk back to their seats together, Seb scooting over more so they can sit on the end. Gina can just see EJ on the other side and it sends her mind into a whirlwind. She thinks both hugs might’ve lingered for different reasons.

“You can’t say you love Draco and then hate Snape.”

“Uh, yes I can? Watch, I’m doing it right now.” Gina points at the screen, ignoring EJ’s swatting at her arm. “Fuck you!”

Once movie nights switch to the next series, the group learns there’s only one thing worse than the Caswell cousins and Gina complaining about missing most of the MCU, and that’s EJ and Gina bantering about every single thing in Harry Potter. Gina thrives on playful interactions like this, no real malice coming between them despite their coarse language. She loves being able to create new memories over old movies. And, like everything else with EJ, it’s just too easy.

Their first Friday back from camp quickly turns into the exact kind of joking around that probably drew Gina to EJ in the first place. She’s perfectly fine with their rapport going from small nudges and quiet snorts at plot points they disagree on to loud laughter and pointed remarks just to get the other one reacting. It’s funny to her, and it’s funny to him, and honestly she doesn’t think it’s (much of) a nuisance to the others until Carlos banishes them upstairs the second Friday.

“Red, don’t we need more popcorn?” Carlos asks with such an intense look in his eyes it’s a wonder Big Red doesn’t pick up on it at first.

“No, I think we’re okay for another—” 

“We. Need. More. Popcorn.” 

And they’re sent upstairs, giggling and rolling their eyes even as Big Red reminds them of where to find everything in the kitchen.

“Do you think this is his way of making sure we miss this series too?” EJ asks, his cheeks still flushed from laughter. He glances at her from where he’s searching the cupboards.

Gina sends a knowing look his way. “Come on. If anyone’s purposely making others miss the movies it’s us.”

They work side by side for the next few minutes, letting the HP discourse drop in favor of combing through the Redonovichs’ kitchen and preparing the popcorn to their specific liking. Carlos literally got rid of them; they can do what they want.

Gina’s saying this to EJ as he’s salting the popcorn right after she drizzles the butter all over it. They’ve discussed how they need to shake up the bowls too to evenly distribute the flavor, and she’s not one bit surprised they like their popcorn the same way. It’s all very, very domestic, a thought she gets stuck on for a moment too long. 

In the blink of an eye, EJ’s dipped a finger into one of the bowls and dragged a line down Gina’s nose.

Gina actually gapes at him, her brain running a thousand miles an hour as she processes what just happened. “Did you—just wipe butter on my nose?”

He smiles in such a cheeky way he looks like a proud child. “There’s probably some salt in there, too. Perfect for how you view half the characters.”

She’s moving on autopilot before she even has time to realize it, her hand reaching into the hot popcorn bowl to retaliate in some escalating fashion. His eyes widen as he tracks her movement, taking a quick step back when she moves forward. She’s already laughing, her thoughts so far from anything other than getting him back— 

“Oh, seriously guys?” They turn to see Ashlyn staring them down from the top of the staircase. Gina quickly retracts her hand and EJ settles closer beside her like he wasn’t just about to run away from her. Ashlyn doesn’t look amused. “Not in Biggie’s kitchen. His parents cook all the time, you know this!” 

“I didn’t do anything!” EJ claims, holding his hands up in surrender.

Gina rounds on him, no real animosity behind her clipped tone. “Like hell you didn’t! You—”

Evidently Ashlyn does not care, because she stalks over and snatches the two large popcorn bowls away from them. “No food fights,” she says sternly, leveling Gina with the last look of intimidation. “Even though I’m sure he started it.”

“Hey!” EJ protests immediately, faux-indignation sneaking into his voice. Gina stifles a snort, although he’s never teased her for it before.

Ashlyn backs away from them, shaking her head like a disappointed parent. The second she’s out of sight Gina dissolves into laughter, EJ only a beat behind her after he stops pretending to sulk.

“She does have a point,” he manages to get out. “We would’ve destroyed this place.”

“Obviously,” she murmurs, smiling down at the salt still left on the island. She brushes it all into one hand and steps over to the trash bin, throwing it away. “Hey EJ?”

“Hm?”

And he’s looking away, so Gina takes the opportunity to move forward and nuzzle her nose into his neck. He pulls away like he was just struck by lightning, and in any other circumstance, Gina would be concerned just like after the Fourth. But now she’s smirking. She gestures to her nose. “Butter’s gone.”

It’s EJ’s turn to gape, one of his hands creeping up to check his neck. “You’re kidding.”

“I didn’t do anything,” she openly mocks, slipping away from him and towards the stairs before he can do it right back. She’s still grinning.

They tone down the blatantly obvious shenanigans for the first Open Mic Night at Salt Lake Slices purely because they have another plan on the down-low—and because Nini’s performing, which is why they’re all going, but still.

Just the other day EJ had fumbled his way into mentioning ‘A Billion Sorrys’ and then couldn’t get out of playing it for Gina, which opened a whole can of worms. Namely 1) she’s never going to let him live that down, 2) she vowed to sing it if they get into a fight, something he literally begged her not to do out of embarrassment, and 3) it initially being a track of Ashlyn’s leads to them realizing she hasn’t written in a while.

They agree she’s too insanely talented for all that potential to go to waste, so the plan is to get her up on stage to remind her of what it feels like to perform an original song. Neither of them really believe Ashlyn’s questioning her skills; they just want to help get the ball rolling. EJ declines to go up first to lure her in, so Gina acquiesces.

Gina slides into a booth naturally assuming they’ll be sitting together as usual, allowing ample time to figure out when to encourage Ashlyn. It’s not ruined, per se, but definitely thrown out the window when Ricky sits beside her instead, leaving EJ to sit across from her. He’s making a small face of confusion that Gina feels down to her core.

Is this a thing now? She knows Ricky’s trying, and she appreciates it, but gravitating towards her in all of their group outings? It’s not as though she has to sit next to EJ but it’s kind of become a staple of the cast’s hangouts. Big Red and Ashlyn, Seb and Carlos, Nini and Kourtney today since Howie’s working, and Gina and EJ. She realizes that leaves Ricky out but, well. It just does.

She lets it go, joining in on privately rating each performance given. Nini’s set to go halfway through the night, allowing more people to filter in but also for her to decide which song she’s going with based on the vibe. Carlos is utterly appalled that she hasn't chosen yet. EJ thinks it makes sense. Ricky’s just shoving pizza into his face.

When Nini eventually heads up Gina smiles, recognizing bits of the song as the one she’d played for her on the Fourth. It sounds a little different than it did then, some lyrics changed here, some notes held longer there. Gina can’t remember if she had many suggestions, but whatever Nini did made it a lot more cohesive now.

Gina claps extra loud when she finishes. Their friends join in, whooping and complimenting and Kourtney taking candid photos of their reactions. Howie purposely swings by with celebratory breadsticks. No one can deny Nini has a natural talent for songwriting, even Ricky, clapping on the other side of Gina. He murmurs a compliment that sounds genuine, so Gina just nods along.

Ashlyn moves over to make more room, at which point EJ’s foot nudges Gina’s under the table. She presses back just as insistently, sitting up in her seat. Go time. “Hey Ash, maybe you should go up,” she suggests with all the nonchalance in the world.

EJ sits up himself then, turning to face her and nodding along like it’s the first time he’s heard this idea. “Yeah, you’ve written some songs, cuz.”

Ash shakes her head, dismissing all the hopeful looks being sent her way. “No, I’m alright. I, uh…” She shrugs. “I haven’t written anything recently.”

“What about ‘Wondering’?” Nini offers, smiling. “I know that’s technically out, but it’s not like everyone here has heard it before.”

“And it’s still your song,” Gina adds on. She’s leaning forward now, fighting a too-eager smile. EJ’s foot taps at hers.

Ashlyn is shaking her head again and Gina almost misses it, what with how soft Big Red’s voice is, but he tells his girlfriend, “You’ll sound beautiful singing anything, Ashlyn,” and okay, that takes the cake. That’s the cutest thing she’s ever heard between them.

It also does the trick, because Ashlyn concedes and Nini gets up to let her out. The whole group claps and cheers extra loud when she actually gets to the mic. Gina taps at EJ’s foot now, grinning his way. She hopes Ash will try her hand at songwriting more now.

The next movie night is less chaotic purely because 1) they agree on Disney movies, not another series, and 2) Gina falls asleep two movies in and EJ offers to take her home. They’ve always started relatively early for movie ‘night’ in order to get through enough films, but Gina still feels slightly embarrassed at leaving before eight p.m.

“You know you didn’t have to take me home,” she says, despite being half-slumped in the passenger seat. The déjà vu to the last leg of their little road trip is strong. “I know you reeaaallly wanted to see Beauty and the Beast just to belt out ‘The Mob Song.’”

EJ shoots her a goofy little smile and it lands somewhere in her chest. “As much as I’d love to hear everyone judge my taste in music yet again, I’m perfectly capable of driving you home. And you know Ashlyn’s probably staying the night, so it’s not like I’m stranding anyone before you even start about that.”

“I wasn’t going to,” she retorts, rolling her eyes as she resituates. The sun is just barely starting to set and it glints into her eyes at an uncomfortable angle. “And I know Ash is staying there as long as she can, they’re so in love it’s insane.”

He nods. “In a good way.”

“In a good way,” she agrees, her blinking slowing. She takes the moment to view his side profile. “Are you ever protective of her? As her cousin?”

“I wouldn’t say so right now, no.” EJ taps the steering wheel, making a turn before he elaborates. “Maybe I would be if it was anyone other than Big Red, you know? But there’s literally nothing to worry about there.”

Gina smiles at that. “I can’t even be mad at them making out on the Fourth. They’re just so happy together.” She’s too tired to read into EJ’s silence after she mentions the Fourth, but she does have enough sense to switch the topic. “Are you happy being single?”

He makes an unsure noise. “Uhh, maybe content I guess? For a while after Nini I wasn’t, you know, thrilled to be single, but I have what I need now.”

“But a relationship would be nice,” Gina adds on, agreeing with the sentiment. After everything with Ricky, she certainly wasn’t thrilled to see him with Nini, but that had less to do with Gina being lonely and more to do with her being sad she wasn’t with Ricky. Recent breakups and developments aside, she’s content where she is now too. 

There’s a longer pause this time. Gina reopens her eyes just as they pull into her driveway, EJ parking as he nods to himself. “Yeah, a relationship would be nice. But it has to be the right one.” He nods at the house. “Home sweet home.”

Gina sits up and attempts to unbuckle. “You’ll find the right one.” Either she’s weak from fatigue or has suddenly forgotten where the seatbelt is, though, because she can’t get it undone.

EJ chuckles and removes his own seatbelt before leaning over, fingers maneuvering around hers to set her free. He gets it after a short moment, one hand holding the belt as it retracts so it doesn’t snap back at her.

She appreciates his attention to detail, to her safety. Everything he does is so thoughtful. “I’ll just have to learn to unbuckle myself so you have time to find that one,” she teases, tugging the seatbelt away from her with her right hand.

“Nah, I’ll manage,” he says softly, his fingers still curled around hers.

Gina smiles back and fumbles opening the door, but she’s not about to make him physically get out of the car to help her out. She clambers out and shuts the door behind her, leaning down to see him through the open window. She almost instinctively invites him in to hang out or watch a movie before she remembers that’s not only just what they were doing but she’s also two seconds away from falling asleep standing up. Instead she blinks at him and asks, “Are you going to wait until I’m inside to drive off?”

EJ looks at her funny. “I always do that when I’m not coming in.”

She nods and blinks more rapidly, trying to wake herself up. “Good. I might pass out on the way there. Goodnight.” And she turns around, her ears full of EJ’s laughter as she struggles up the sidewalk. She manages to use her key correctly and step inside, wave at him lazily, and make it upstairs to her bed. Her closet door’s open and she catches the smallest glimpse of the Duke sweatshirt before falling asleep, just as comfortable and warm as if she were wearing it.

EJ’s birthday is on the 17th, just a little over a week before he leaves. Gina is so sure he’s going to take advantage of this and corral the group into a big party doubling as a send-off, but he spends most of the day with his family and then texts her that he’s in the mood for risotto.

So they get risotto, and she gives him his gift—a custom-made Wildcats sweatshirt to replace the Duke one she stole, which she tells him amidst his laughter, and a framed photo of them from camp. Miss Jenn insisted on a group picture right before they left the last day, so everything was a little chaotic. In the full photo, Seb’s on Kourtney’s back as Howie frames them from below, Seb still holding hands with Carlos doing a sultry pose right beside them. Ashlyn and Big Red are hugging, their cheeks pressed together like the adorable couple they are. Ricky and Nini are on opposite sides of the group but they’re both making jazz hands.

Gina had posed right beside Carlos, mirroring him while adding her own flair to it, right when Miss Jenn loudly asked where EJ was. He had finished packing up the car a second before and Miss Jenn hollered, “Come on, EJ, just hug Gina!” It had fit the theme, so Gina adjusted her pose just before he rushed in and hugged her from behind. In the framed version it’s cropped to just them, her hair slightly blown in front of her face from him running in and his smile wide and energetic.

She has a matching one on her nightstand now, but she doesn’t tell him because he looks emotional all of a sudden. They finish the rest of the meal discussing other things, neither East High- nor NYU-centric, which ends up being a bit of a struggle, but they manage. Gina even snaps a wonderful photo of him half-falling out of his seat from laughing so hard.

She thinks the sentimental portion of the night is over until they go to leave. She figures EJ hadn’t hugged her back at the restaurant because he would’ve had to lean across the table, but as soon as they set foot in the parking lot he moves to hold her close. Gina holds him back just as tightly, forcing a laugh about “your real good fortune is having me as a friend” but it doesn’t make the moment any less sincere.

When Friday rolls around a few days later, Ashlyn suggests letting EJ pick the films for his last movie night with them as well as a late birthday present of sorts. He’s already gotten a number of gifts, but everyone likes the idea. The suggestion garners a round of “don’t remind us!” and “yeah, go ahead, EJ!” Carlos is the only one to express his judgment verbally.

“Are we all forgetting he liked ‘The Mob Song’?” he says pointedly, making eye contact with everyone over his glasses. Howie claps in agreement. “I’m skeptical about his choice of movie.”

EJ cuts Gina a look, no doubt remembering her jab from the week prior. She covers her mouth. “Just for that,” he starts, pivoting to make eye contact with the rest of them, “we’re watching Iron Man again.” There’s some loud groaning. “All three of them.”

“Ugh, but those are the most boring ones!” Ricky complains, practically collapsing in his chair.

EJ doesn’t hesitate before saying, dead serious, “Get out.”

There’s some commotion as the group realizes no, EJ is not kidding, but Ricky can stay. Big Red presses play on the first movie soon after just to get the ball rolling. EJ moves around beside Gina, his excitement a tangible, palpable thing. She smiles to herself and slowly starts whispering questions to him about the plot, the casting, even the costumes. He doesn’t disappoint, joyfully answering everything like a kid on Christmas morning.

He gets too loud about a particular scene and Carlos makes a whole fuss over it, so Gina scooches closer to EJ and lowers her voice. EJ follows suit, tossing an arm around her as he explains. She’s not a huge MCU fan, although the films she’s seen are good, but she has to agree with him that the Iron Man movies are the best. Mainly because any time she watches them now she’ll recall his pure enthusiasm at her interest, and that feels like a memory worth having.

Gina thinks she’s probably been hugging EJ for five minutes total at this point and it still doesn’t feel like enough.

It’s Thursday, his last day in Salt Lake and the last time they’ll see him until Christmas, assuming he doesn’t fly back for Thanksgiving. She doesn’t think he will. She knows she wants him to, though, because she doesn’t want him to leave at all. She’s expressed this all to him before, her conflicting feelings over watching him move so far away. But a bigger part of her knows this isn’t goodbye forever, just a goodbye for now, and that’ll just have to be good enough.

Gina pulls back for what feels like the thousandth time so Ashlyn and the rest of his family can smother him with hugs. She pretends not to notice how stiff he gets when his dad hugs him, pretends not to notice how easily he melts into his mother in comparison. She’s not going to get upset for another reason today, not when he’s trying to push through it just as much as she is.

The rest of their friends are sitting behind them in the waiting area, their farewell signs strewn around the space. Gina’s 5000% sure they’re those annoying people at the airport and she kind of loves it. EJ Caswell deserves all the crazy, overdramatic fanfare in the world.

She has to wonder if this is how her friends felt when she left after Thanksgiving, or even how all of her acquaintances felt at her other schools. If it’s harder knowing you very well might never see someone again or knowing you’ll see them again, but never quite under the same circumstance. It makes her wish she wore the Duke sweatshirt to the airport today, just to remind him of Salt Lake’s importance. She knows he doesn’t need prompting on that matter but it might make her feel better all the same.

EJ turns to her again right before he moves to board, tilting his head in a charming way. “Don’t think this means I won’t keep yelling at you about your driving from out of state.”

She means to match the lighthearted banter, but it comes out like, “Don’t think this means you get to forget us.”

EJ’s clearly startled at first, but then he gives her the softest smile in the world and her heart melts a bit involuntarily. “Wonderstudies don’t forget Wonderstudies. I’ll text you when I get there, alright?”

She nods, trying to blink back the tears threatening to fall. He notices, of course, like he notices everything, and pulls her into one last hug. She’s never been one to cry in airports, or to see someone else off instead of leaving herself, or to even have anything to cry over. It hurts so much to be experiencing it for the first time, but it also makes perfect sense that it’s over EJ. She can’t be mad that they’ve gotten as close as they have. She can’t be mad he won the NYU scholarship and gets to attend such a great college. She’s simply sad to see him go.

Crushed, really. Her heart feels like it’s being ripped out of her chest.

He pulls back and smiles at her one last time before turning around, and she’s officially the one getting left behind. She hates the feeling more than anything else. Ashlyn seems to be in a similar state, coming over to wrap her arm around Gina’s shoulders in solidarity. They all cheer and yell goodbye through the tears like it’s just another curtain call.

This will all be different tomorrow. Tomorrow, at their last movie night of the summer, Big Red will veto everyone and pop in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, Kourtney will promptly leave the room, and Seb will become the biggest LOTR fan out of all of them. But for right now, she watches EJ board his plane and hopes the tug in her gut won’t become a permanent thing. She’s still rooting for it to go away when Ricky sits down beside her the next day, taking up EJ’s old spot. It might be the official start of something more between them, she recognizes. That must be why her stomach turns.

Chapter Text

The night before junior year begins already feels weird enough given that this is easily the longest she’s stayed in one place, but the situation is doubly uncomfortable because EJ’s starting his second week of college at the same time. Their circumstances are so new and yet…

Gina ducks her head, staring at the mess in front of him through her laptop screen. “Help me out here,” she says, trying to make any sort of sense of the clothes strewn across his bed.

EJ sighs and levels her with a look, leaning on a closed fist. “I’m going to be honest: I. Don’t. Know.”

“You don’t know what’s happening, or how to do laundry?” She quirks an eyebrow upward. He pauses a second too long. “Oh my god, Eej.”

“Listen, it’s going to sound really privileged if I explain why, but no, I don’t know how to do laundry,” he divulges, having the good sense to look embarrassed. “Ash would kick my ass if she knew, and I know you have school tomorrow, but…” He puts his hands out, palms up, and Gina can’t even make fun of him when he looks so helpless. “Can you teach me how to do this?”

She still has to press her lips together to keep from outright laughing though. “EJ.”

“Please.”

Gina shakes her head and leans forward, holding out a finger in a ‘one moment’ gesture before walking out of frame. She scrunches six hangers together and removes them from her closet, walking back to lay them on her bed. “Alright.” She eyes the screen, trying to decipher the current layout. “Those are clean, right?”

“Yes. Austin, uh. He took pity on me this once,” EJ admits, rubbing the back of his neck. Gina hasn’t met his roommate yet but she figures they’d get along, if only to tease EJ about this specific instance.

“So you’re telling me I’m gonna have to walk you through laundry detergent and shit step-by-step at some point in the future, right? That is where this is going?”

She’s ribbing him, but he looks entirely genuine when he nods. “That’d be helpful, yeah.”

Gina slips a t-shirt off of its hanger and chuckles. “What would you do without me?”

“Die.”

“Damn right.” But she’s full-out grinning now. “Okay, so first off, you know there are multiple ways to fold articles of clothing right? So if you don’t like my way you’re gonna have to figure it out yourself.”

“Gina.” His eyes widen as he presses a hand to his chest. “I trust you to not be a psychopath with laundry, and I also trust that I won’t know the difference anyway.”

And you love me, she thinks, but the Fourth of July-part of her brain stamps it down. Odd thing to say, even when she’s kidding. Instead she holds up the shirt to the camera, effectively covering her face. “Alright. Fold the sleeves in.”

“Gotcha.”

“Fold in half, the neck of the shirt touching the hem.”

“Okay.”

“Fold one more time, sideways—or roll, I don’t know how you store things.”

“Mhm…”

She looks up from where she’s now pressing the shirt to her stomach and raises an eyebrow. “Show me what you just did.”

EJ blinks, then reaches forward and tilts his camera upward before she can see for herself.

“EJ.”

“You literally won’t let me live this down.” His face is glowing bright red, but his eyes are twinkling all the same. She’s not sure she’s ever seen him truly, 100% embarrassed around her, and she likes that. She can snort around him without retreating into herself and he can sometimes ask for help about laundry without disappearing for a day after failing.

Gina sets her t-shirt down and leans in. “I’ll hang up. Leave you to your own disastrous devices.”

The truth is she won’t hang up on him, not in the middle of a conversation, not for a joke, not ever probably. Especially not tonight. She doesn’t think it’s written all over her face that she’s semi-dreading walking into East High with only one Caswell cousin at her side, but it’s not like he couldn’t guess that much. Logically she knows tomorrow will be a whirlwind of classes, friends, and Miss Jenn announcing the musical for the semester, all things Gina is looking forward to. None of them hold a candle to goofing off with EJ at her side, that’s all.

He must know all of this to some degree, and yet he still reacts as if she’ll actually hang up. He swiftly moves the camera back down and—yeah, it’s bad. He has no talent for folding clothes.

Gina cackles immediately and drops her face onto her comforter. “EJ!” she yells, slightly muffled.

“I know,” he moans exaggeratedly, except she’s entirely certain he’s laughing with her.

They spend the next twenty minutes going over techniques, which Gina dubs the “slowest, dumbed-down tutorial ever,” eventually combing through YouTube until EJ finds something that isn’t hard to remember and also looks half-respectable. She knows it’ll take some time and practice for this literal child to have it down and it fills her with warmth that he still needs her now that he’s in New York, even if it’s for something as mundane and basic as laundry. She can’t wait to visit him out there and pick apart everything he’s doing wrong just to make him laugh.

Her phone buzzes with a reminder to get some sleep for the new school year—which she’s actually been ready to do since before EJ called, but talking to her best friend versus sleep was such an easy choice it was barely even a debate—so she climbs into bed and keeps just the bedside lamp on.

“I don’t know about you, but I have an early day tomorrow,” she teases, pulling the covers up to her chin. She knows she looks like a disembodied head. EJ’s laughed at it before.

He only smiles now. “I’ll send you my schedule. Just so you know when you’re allowed to harass me.”

That also does something to her insides, adding a heat to her body that the comforter can’t. Idly she wonders if Ash or his parents have his schedule. All she says back, though, is, “I’ll send you mine too. Even the playing field, up the ante for ill-timed phone calls.”

“It’s not like I’ll call you in the middle of musical practice just to make everyone miss me or something,” he jokes, but it comes out a little strained. 

She tries to school her expression into anything other than the frown she feels coming on. “Too bad. I’m calling you in the middle of some wild rager just so you miss me.”

EJ smiles softly, the sight different than usual now that he’s not up close. She can’t see all the different shades of green and blue and sometimes brown in his eyes from Utah. “You don’t need to call me for me to miss you.”

“And you don’t need to call me in the middle of practice to make us miss you, either.” She’s glad she got to say it, that he said it first. Everything she told him on his cabin steps back at camp has come true in a disproportionately large fashion, all of the emotions she expected only intensifying the longer they’re apart.

It’s only been a week and a half. 

She has to wait until winter break.

Gina’s begun fading in and out in more ways than one, the silence that swallows them a bit too loud for all the thoughts in her head. She’s also fully aware she’s about to pass out if they don’t end the call now, so she asks, “You wanna do laundry together from now on?”

The sentence is barely out before EJ’s answering, “Please,” his pleading laughter one of the last things she hears.

She’s less tired in the morning when Big Red arrives to take both her and Ashlyn to school, although the fact that it’s not EJ driving does kind of slap her in the face. Gina amends that by getting extra comfortable in the backseat and texting him a picture of the back of Big Red’s head.

you’re lookin kinda different eej

you dye your hair?

He’s in class at the moment—which she knows because she woke up to his schedule and promptly sent hers back—so she doesn’t expect a quick response just yet. The silence still sits heavy with her for the rest of the ride. Big Red and Ash are great at making sure she doesn’t feel like a third wheel, that anyone doesn’t feel like a third wheel, but she can’t help but miss the dynamic she, Ash, and EJ had on their morning drives. No third wheels there. Even if Ashlyn would disagree when they referenced an inside joke she didn’t know about.

The first day of school starts much like last year did: with an assembly. Except this time Gina sneaks into the senior section with Ashlyn to sit with their friends, finding that Seb and Carlos have done the same thing. She’s not sure they’ll get yelled at if they’re caught anyway. Invading North High last year ironically gave the drama club some street cred. Ricky’s murmuring about it to Big Red right now, actually, fist-bumping once everyone’s gathered.

They whisper about everyone’s plans for the year while Principal Gutierrez rambles on about the boring stuff. Ashlyn surreptitiously films him when he mentions the Seniors Wear Hats on Fridays thing, sending it off to EJ. Gina tilts her head just enough to ask Nini how the songwriting’s going, at which point she announces that she’s starting a songwriting club. 

“Oh my gosh, I’m so in.”

“Ash, you literally have no time as it is.”

“She doesn’t sleep.”

“Ashlyn thinks there are, like, fifty hours in a day, I swear to God.”

“...update: I’ll show up when I can.”

Nini’s down to continue helping out with musical stuff, but only from backstage. Ricky stills at this. Gina offers him a smile when he glances over, wondering how much longer he’s going to react like this. All summer long they relegated themselves to opposite ends of rooms when the group hung out, which seemed to work in giving them metaphorical space along with the physical, but now that they’re back at school she has to speculate. Gina exchanges a look with Carlos; he’s noticed too.

Seb and Kourtney promise to join in Ashlyn’s absence. Ricky snaps out of it long enough to insist they all eat lunch together, as if that were ever up for debate. Carlos engages both Gina and Big Red in a conversation about tap dancing and if they’ll get to incorporate it/force Big Red to teach it for any future musicals, taking up the rest of the time until Miss Jenn walks to the mic.

Kourt shushes them all and Ashlyn reaches across the seats to grip as many hands as she can. Gina holds her breath.

“Hello, fellow thespians!” Miss Jenn claps her hands together and that is what causes static this time around. Some people cover their ears, but the cast just side-eyes each other when Mr. Mazzara steps up to fix it and his hand definitely touches the small of her back.

Seb gasps quietly. “Is it happening?”

“He might just be getting bolder,” Nini whispers back, leaning closer so Gina can hear her as well. “You know Miss Jenn can be a little oblivious sometimes.”

“You think this is his way of making a move?” Gina murmurs, tilting her head back casually so it travels.

Nini shrugs in her peripheral vision. “Unless I can’t read signs anymore. But I’ve been doing a good job so far.”

“Like with who?”

Nini pauses, mouth open as she processes the question. She’s turning to Gina with her eyebrows knitted together and a slightly amused look on her face when Miss Jenn starts up again.

“Anyhooo!” Miss Jenn smiles broadly and jumps right to the chase. “Last year we put on two wonderful musicals, High School Musical and Beauty and the Beast, but! This semester we’re going to step outside Disney and do…”

Instinctively they all join hands properly this time, forming a rectangle in the bleachers. Gina glances down at her phone like she’s looking at EJ and closes her eyes, waiting.

“The Wedding Singer!”

They might scream. People definitely notice they’ve mixed the grades together.

i’m so mad i just saw this now and couldn’t do the same thing w this girl sitting next to me.

shit wait

WAIT

ASSEMBLY?

the wedding singer, babe!!

She and EJ trade their favorite lines and numbers from the musical on and off throughout the rest of the day. Half of their classes line up just so that as soon as Gina leaves she has a wall of text to catch up on and vice versa. It’s almost like a pen pal in a way, a joke she wants to make to him but is almost certain he’d mail her an actual letter and then she’d get all sappy over his thoughtfulness.

Lunchtime gives her more room to share her excitement. She’s seen Carlos three times already and Seb and Ash only once, so putting them all together along with their senior friends gives her an instant shot of serotonin. Ricky pulls up a terrible photo of EJ on his phone and sets it in the center of the table to mimic mourning. They all take turns going around the circle, saying who they’re trying out for and giving feedback to one another. Any time the phone dims it switches to a new person. It’s just weird enough that Gina has to laugh instead of miss EJ for the hour.

By the end of the day, they’re all practically buzzing with anticipation, overwhelmed by the possibilities for tomorrow—and the concern. Predictably Ricky hasn’t seen the film. Ashlyn doesn’t bother waiting for everyone to invite themselves over, she just sends a text to the group chat (a separate one from the cats! they’ve gone wild so EJ isn’t subjected to endless rehearsal times he doesn’t need; Gina’s pretty sure they’ll still send most messages to the other chat though) demanding they show up after school.

heading home w everyone to practice the audition material

try not to outshine everyone, babe.

i’ll try not to *glow

It feels like five years later instead of two days into the school year that the cast list goes up, but Gina figures she has to contribute some of the longer-than-usual wait to the influx of texts she sends EJ. In quiet lulls in class, out in the hallways, at lunchtime, in between auditions. She’s texting him even more than she did as soon as he arrived at NYU (which says a lot; her mom called her about switching to an unlimited data plan).

It’s not that she bombed the audition, or that she’s worried she won’t get a part. There’s just something different in the air now that she’s a junior. Nini’s officially done with musicals besides helping out backstage in whatever way she can, opening a door whether any of them want to address the favoritism or not. There are new freshmen looking to get involved in extracurriculars; Gina and Carlos have a poll going on about how many of them will drop out two weeks in once they realize they actually have to contribute instead of socializing 24/7. And of course, EJ isn’t here. That opens another door, but Gina mainly looks at his absence in the same dismal way she has since his college plans were confirmed.

it’s been, what, 5min since auditions ended? give her at  l e a s t  six.

you are a very annoying human being

consider me your grounding person. like an anchor of sorts.

i can’t do that

normally you focus on plane tickets, aka flying instead of grounding

i can’t even fight you on that.

the logic is cute.

Carlos is still locked in the auditorium with Miss Jenn and Mr. Mazzara—something everyone found interesting. He claimed to be acting as an outside opinion, which, alright. He’s helped them out in more ways than one over the past year. But weighing in on casting decisions? Gina knows EJ adores the man and for good reason, because he also adores her (he sent her an audio message of him snorting when she texted him that), but that definitely raised some eyebrows. Kourtney and Big Red haven’t stopped gossiping about it for more than two minutes at a time.

it’s been like 12hrs i stg

check our timestamps.

i’m literally your insanity receipts.

you’ll pay for the therapy sessions, right?

ofc.

idk why this is so stressful god

like miss jenn casts everyone unless it’s lily the bitch

i can’t believe i have to tell you that you have nothing to worry about, but you have nothing to worry about gi. NOTHING.

i already know within the next twenty minutes you’ll be calling me w great news.

because you’re a psychic now

that, and my faith in you has never wavered.

you might be onto something w that anchor declaration

❤️

❤️

gonna stalk the hallways for a bit, hopefully call you soon 🤞🏻 

And maybe EJ doubles as a good luck charm as well as her anchor, because the second she gets to her feet Carlos throws open the auditorium doors and Miss Jenn sneaks through with the list. Everyone else follows along, instantly crowding around her as she tactfully covers the sheet until it’s properly placed on the wall. All thoughts of Miss Jenn and Mr. Mazzara’s thing fade away in favor of what’s written on the page.

Ricky Bowen……….Robbie

Gina Porter……….Julia

Big Red Redonovich……….Sammy

Carlos Rodriguez……….George

Kourtney Greene……….Holly

Walter McCoy……….Glen

Seb Matthew-Smith……….“Grandma”

Ashlyn Caswell……….Angie

It takes a second, a long, long second, for Gina to believe what’s in front of her. Ash realizes first, rushing over to hug her. Ricky congratulates her and says he’s excited to work together. The rest of them chatter amongst themselves, filling her ears with white noise until she’s grinning and turning to hug Ashlyn back. 

She’s got the lead for the first time since coming to East High, and it feels just as great as she always expected.

[calling: babe 🍚]

this film analysis course just dissed the mcu.

good lord.

so you’re dropping out right?

i might have to.

what is this—this BLASHPEMY.

“blashpemy”

no wait

stop

can’t stop, won’t stop

i’m contacting your english prof

they say come back to salt lake immediately

there’s no note attached to that?

nothing like “gina’s scheming, she misses you, come home”?

no ofc not

why would i be scheming

oh no reason. 

b l a s p h e m y. 

if i wanted to trick you into coming home i’d have ash frantically call you saying i skipped town

you know for a FACT that would work. 

i KNOW

that’s why i SAID IT

shit wait you’re in class rn aren’t you

you weren’t just mentioning that after the fact

…no.

ej

come on

aren’t YOU in class too??

it’s literally mr. mazzara, he can deal

no but he likes me and this will paint me in a bad light. :(

i’ll cover for you 

say i’m losing my mind w you in ny or something

crafty. 

not far from the truth if i’m being honest

okay NOW you need to stop. 

you’re making me sad and we’re watching the happiest scene in existence. 

what scene?

gina. 

fine, fine, i’ll leave you be

caswell’s got a backbone

not when it comes to you i don’t. 

you’re just nice enough to step back. 

💋

࿏

ricky just jokingly offered to be my new morning show host

how do i shut this down immediately

i mean, you do need a new host. i can’t be there now. 

ej

shut the fuck up

that’s literally OUR thing, idek if i want to do it anymore

as flattered as i am, yk what the announcements looked like before us. 

👀 

…true, that is a good point

but still 😡

rope in ash. 

i’ll put in a good word for you. 

pffft right bc you “know the family”

i believe you said that, actually, and i AM the family. 

i live w her eej  

don’t tell me you’ve been gossiping now that i’m not dropping by every so often. 

obviously

all we ever talk about is you

in what context?

oh, in the “we don’t” way

nice. 

self-centered, ej. watch out. 

1.0 might be creeping in

i assure you that is literally impossible rn. 

very much small fish, big pond here. 

our roles have switched then huh?

i can give you pointers on being at a new school. 

please. 

you just want me to call you

that too. 

two birds, one stone, the whole deal. 

plus ik you’re at lunch.

[calling: babe 🍚]

[call duration: 37min]

࿏

hey i’m at the farm rn and i just wanted to know if you’d like an audio message of one of the sheep baaaaing

you are the most hilarious person i’ve ever met. 

why, thank you

big talk coming from someone who was TOTALLY scared on that rollercoaster. 

focndkfjg we’ve been over this

right. 

care to repeat that?

no

i believe it had something to do w you wanting to hold my hand?

i’d smack you if you were here

you’d *hold my hand if i were there. 

this is so rude

unbelievable

my own best friend

i think you signed up for this. 

can’t get rid of me even from new york.

Last semester Gina got so used to hanging out with the other animated objects—Carlos, Seb, Kourt, and Nini once she switched to a fork—that now, as one of the two leads, she’s kind of floored by how little time she has to hang out with half of her friends at rehearsals.

Most of her scenes consist of one-on-one moments with Ricky, Kourtney, and Walter, leaving pretty much everyone else to their own devices. She’s fairly certain EJ would’ve gotten the role of Glen if he hadn’t graduated, and as kind as Walter is, man does she wish that were the case. Texting EJ zoomed-in pictures of everyone goofing off while she memorizes her lines doesn’t have nearly the same effect as sitting beside him on the risers and nudging each other when Big Red spontaneously breaks out tap dancing.

She’s thinking about this idly as she watches Big Red and Kourtney argue while in character at the center of the room, Miss Jenn interjecting with suggestions here and there but mainly reading their natural chemistry. Ash has hightailed it out of the room to make Nini’s songwriting club for the first time since school started; Nini had actually stopped by to ask if she had some free time since Seb and Kourt are otherwise occupied. Ricky almost ran into her on his way into the bomb shelter, sparking a brief but friendly interaction at the door. Gina thinks it’s progress.

Ricky appears at her side now, as if she summoned him or something. “Hey Gi.” She waves her highlighter around to acknowledge him, eyes skimming her lines. She’s not going over a Julia/Robbie scene so she hadn’t bothered to flag him down, but he doesn't seem miffed. “You look a little left out.”

It’s… a weird thing to say, in all honesty. Everyone is split up in the room—most people in pairs, yes, but some working on the material alone. She’d bet fifty bucks he was tucked away in a corner by himself watching skating videos before this interaction, and she’d say that aloud too if she didn’t realize he used no douchey tone. He’s almost asking if she’s alright, but in a Ricky way. Lacking traditional communication, so to speak.

Gina shrugs. She’s no longer used to opening up to Ricky, and she’s not resentful over it, but she also doesn’t have the desire to get into a sobfest with him regardless. “Adjusting to the new dynamics, that’s all.”

He nods, leaning against the risers in a way that suggests he might leave any second. She’s fine with that. “The good thing about new dynamics, I’m learning, is finding the weirdest ones.”

She squints at him. “How so?”

Ricky just turns outward to face the stage and Gina very narrowly muffles a snort at Seb and Carlos flirting not two minutes after practicing a scene as George and “Grandma.”

“Yeah,” she admits, her breathing shallow as she tries to even it out, “you might have a point.”

Gina’s in the process of heading downstairs to grab a soda when she hears a distinct laugh coming from Ashlyn’s room, a laugh that physically tugs her closer to the door. She’s pushing it open and grinning before Ash even bothers turning the phone her way.

EJ saw her not two days ago on their own FaceTime call but he still smiles at her like she’s the sun. “Gi!”

“Eej!” she mimics in the same tone, grinning when his own smile widens. Ashlyn is laughing at the exchange when Gina makes it over to the bed, sitting beside her. Gina crosses her legs and drops her hands into her lap, happy to be involved. “What are my favorite pair of cousins talking about?”

They both chuckle, sounding nothing alike but the similar timing has Gina smiling. EJ makes a noise. “Eh, nothing much. Catching up on the boring stuff.”

Ash raises an eyebrow. “Boring, huh?”

He seems to understand what she’s hinting at before Gina can grasp she’s out of the loop, because he says in a slightly frantic tone, “Hey, wait—” and his cousin promptly ignores it.

“So earlier, Eej was telling me about his roommate trying to set him up with this girl Aly,” Ashlyn informs her, like they’re not gossiping about EJ’s love life right in front of him. It should be funny. It should be hilarious, actually, that Austin believes EJ needs any help getting girls.

But it’s not. The easy smile on Gina’s face feels permanently etched in place as this sinks in. She doesn’t know if it’s because he hadn’t mentioned it to her before, not even in text, or if it’s the deer-in-headlights look he has right now at the prospect of her knowing, but she doesn’t like it. She doesn’t like knowing about this Aly girl at all, not that she’s on campus, or that Austin knows her, or that she exists in EJ’s general vicinity enough to be a potential romantic interest.

It’s an all-encompassing feeling that starts in her stomach and moves upward, like it wants to choke her from the inside out. Gina fights past the sudden, unwanted bile rising up her throat and manages, “Oh. Is she cute?”

It doesn’t settle when he offers, “She’s blonde.”

“Sorry, is that supposed to automatically make her cute?” Her response is quick, lightning-fast, and if her tone was anything other than conversational she knows the cousins would be staring at her in identical bewilderment. But it’s not, it’s light and teasing, and she wills whatever emotion is stuck within her chest to shut the fuck up.

“No, no, I’m just describing her,” he assures, just as fast with the answer.

Ashlyn raises an eyebrow and tosses Gina a glance. “Sure.”

He scratches at his chin and makes an unconfident noise. “She’s not really my type.”

“Oh-ho, EJ Caswell has a type now?” Gina barks out, already combing through everything she knows about him in her head. Does he have a type? It’s not blondes, at the very least, unless it’s just not Aly. 

“I don’t know.” EJ shrugs noncommittally, his expression partially closed off now. He’s clearly uncomfortable but not enough to avoid the conversation. That makes two of them. “I’ve dated a lot of dark-haired girls, I guess, now that I’m thinking about it.”

Ashlyn doesn’t even try to hide her skepticism. “Uh-huh. Then why is Austin trying to set you up?”

Gina maneuvers back into frame more squarely, trying to get her emotions under control. She’s not so sure she and Austin would get along anymore. “Does she have a roommate he wants to get with, or?”

There’s such a long pause that she almost asks if he froze, but eventually he murmurs, “I don’t know,” eyes averted and head down.

Ash just nods. “Convincing.”

“Super convincing,” Gina echoes, able to grin now at EJ’s flushed face. His obvious discomfort at their teasing uncoils the knot in her stomach a little. She switches to joking about the scruff he’s growing until the knot almost disappears entirely and he’s laughing again.

They’re six weeks into rehearsals when it happens. 

Gina’s allowed Carlos to take back majority control of the choreography so she can put all of her energy into nailing her character down—although she does still attend strictly dance rehearsals to provide feedback—which slowly turns into her noticing the little details. With her extra time, she pays attention to Big Red and Kourtney “working on their chemistry” by gossiping about their coworkers, she sees Seb practice his “Grandma” voice to anyone willing to listen, and she’s able to make the same mother-child jokes with Ash now that Kourt and Seb made last year. 

Being a lead is definitely more work than HSM or BATB gave her, but not in all ways. Gina’s having the same amount of fun hanging out with her friends after school and workshopping song ideas with Nini anytime she asks. She sends snapchats back and forth with EJ so he understands what she’s referencing after a long rehearsal and he reciprocates with ill-timed photos of Austin. (She might be okay with him again after the Aly incident, if only because she loves that she’s seeing such an unfiltered side before they meet. It both makes her laugh and feel like she has the upper hand.)

And playing opposite Ricky on-stage is actually a lot of fun, she can admit. So many times when one of them messes up it feels just like it did before Thanksgiving last year when they would hang out, minus the longing on her part. It feels nice, really. She’s glad they’ve gone from being civil to being genuinely friendly again. That’s even on her mind as she sits down with her script, clouding her mind from what’s about to happen.

Ricky sidles up to her before Miss Jenn has entered the room, meaning this is either a time-sensitive scene suggestion or it’s unrelated to the musical. His opening line, “Running lines with you has been fun,” doesn’t tell her which way he’s leaning.

Gina just nods, flicking through her script until she finds the last page she dog-eared. They’re taking a short break from rehashing ‘Saturday Night in the City’ over and over again in favor of working through the Act II scene where Gina gets to throw sheet music at Ricky. She’s well and truly moved on from last year, but she’d still be lying if she said she isn’t looking forward to the therapeutic quality.

That’s probably why she gets so stuck when Ricky continues with, “Could we run lines outside of school, maybe? Or just do something other than musical shit?”

Gina presses her thumb against her script with more pressure than normal and just blinks. The delivery is… not great, honestly, and his phrasing is slightly unclear even if it’s decipherable. His mixing of musical and non-musical stuff is confusing as well. If this were happening to anyone else, under any other circumstance, she’s sure she would assume he’s asking her out. But this is Ricky, and she’s been wrong before, and…

“Like, on a date, I guess,” he finally says, likely prompted by her dumbfounded expression and what the hell?

She wants to ask where this is coming from, but she kind of knows, doesn’t she? She’s had a hunch since camp, since he made steps toward becoming her friend again, since the awkward talent show hug. He sat next to her the second EJ was out of their movie nights, seemed excited about their casting as love interests, and offered to be her new co-host. In some way, in whatever world they’re in now, Ricky Bowen likes her.

Gina takes an extra second to collect her thoughts, assure herself this is actually happening and isn’t some kind of fever dream from last year making another appearance. She’d been wrong about the chocolates and had already put herself out there when she thought the plane was going down, so she needs a moment to be sure first. But in that extra second Aly flashes through her mind, EJ’s casual tone when mentioning her accompanying it. His nonchalance over a potential date in comparison to the sudden deer-in-headlights way she feels right now. A faceless girl occupies her thoughts in that instant, tipping her over the little bit that she needs.

“Sure,” she says, nodding once. Ricky starts to smile. “Yeah, we can do that. It’s a date.”

He nods back, any nerves he might be experiencing completely hidden. “It’s a date.”

And then it’s over. He moves past her to his corner of the bomb shelter, either updating Big Red or rehearsing. She heads for the windows and rummages around in her bag for a highlighter. It’s all so mundane and ordinary, almost like nothing even happened. She knows she just agreed to a date with Ricky, just like EJ will (potentially, at some point) agree to a date of-sorts with Aly. Both Wonderstudies making strides, she thinks. That’s the thread tying them together.

“I should probably tell you the news.”

EJ immediately looks on edge, eyebrows raised high on his forehead. The t-shirt in his hands hangs limply between two fingers now. “What news? Bad news?”

Gina shakes her head, permitting a small smile to slip onto her face at his concern. She doesn’t take pride in spooking him during their weekly FaceTime call over laundry, but she appreciates the normal reaction amidst all the very abnormal developments. “Unexpected news, actually.” She waits a moment for his expression to relax before adding, “Ricky asked me out.”

He just blinks at first, clearly uncomprehending. “Like on a date?”

She nods. “Yep, the actual word ‘date’ was used, so I know that’s what he meant.”

“And you said yes? Probably, because you haven’t said you turned him down.” It’s not rambling so much as common sense but EJ does look a little bemused.

“Good deduction skills, Eej, I’m impressed.”

She’s teasing, although it does nothing to smooth the crease between his eyebrows. “Gi, it’s not that I’m not excited for you, but… what about everything from last year?” He presses his lips together before continuing. “I just don’t want you to put yourself out there and get hurt again.”

Gina makes a so-so noise as if this doesn’t mean the world to her. She’s thought about this too and it warms her to her core that EJ’s looking out for her on such a sensitive topic. “If it goes well, then I guess it’ll keep happening. And if it goes badly, then—there’s the closure.”

He nods after a moment, his expression slowly easing back into a calmer look. She lets him collect his thoughts, picking at a loose thread on her comforter in the silence. She looks up when he asks, “Where’s the date?”

She freezes, realizing they haven’t finalized anything just yet. She lifts a shoulder. “TBD, I guess.”

EJ raises an eyebrow. “You’re telling me he asked you out and it wasn't risotto? Scandalous.”

She bursts out laughing. “As if I’d ever go on a risotto date unless it’s with you.”

Gina realizes how it sounds a second too late, her heart stopping as the implication registers. But EJ’s still laughing and smiling at her like it was the perfect thing to say—no, scratch that. Like it’s what he wanted her to say. So she pushes through the moment of blinding fear and continues the conversation.

After a while, he shifts topics to the job she mentioned back at camp when he asked about her plans. She insists she’ll start looking for the spring semester and it’s followed by a volley of light ribbing. He makes her smile and she makes him laugh, and for all intents and purposes, she’s perfectly fine. But she’s thinking.

Gina wonders why she expected anything different, anything resembling the odd feeling she experienced over the Aly announcement. He reacted how he normally does to new, potentially dynamic-altering things in her life: by being protective, and caring, and EJ. She can’t think of one thing out of place. And it bothers her.

She has a one-on-one rehearsal with Walter to go over the ‘Pop!’ proposal, and it takes her a full thirty minutes to realize him holding her hand on the table feels just the slightest bit uncomfortable because her thumb is on top. 

From the two times she’s held hands with EJ, his thumb’s been on top.

She doesn’t know what to do with this information, so she shoves it down and fixes their hands, burying the urge to text EJ about it and make a joke. It doesn’t feel like a joke.

A week and a half later and Gina and Ricky have been on about two dates—’about’ because the second one wasn’t prefaced as a date beforehand, it was at Salt Lake Slices and Big Red talked to them for twenty minutes, and part of her might never be convinced that he’s actually being romantic unless he says so. And even then it didn’t feel romantic, apart from how they were (mostly) alone for the evening. He dropped her off at home and was halfway down the driveway before she had opened the door. The image sticks with her for some reason.

Now they’re once again out for pizza but the rest of the cast accompanies them. Mainly it’s a game to see who catches Kourtney and Howie being sweet to each other the most any time they leave the backroom. Seb’s in the lead with seven moments, although Carlos is wont to count the “asks him to pass her the pizza cutters” interaction.

“That’s like a stage direction,” Carlos explains, hands flying in his exasperation. He’s been going on about this for three minutes now. “If I told you ‘move to your left,’ you wouldn’t automatically assume I’m being sweet just because you’re my boyfriend.”

Seb gives him a knowing look. “It’s how she said it though. It was almost as soft as her singing voice.”

Nini sucks on her teeth and points her straw at them. “I think I have to agree.”

Carlos screeches. “There was no pet name! No lingering gaze! No arm brush!”

“Aren’t you describing half of the platonic interactions here?” Gina asks, raising an eyebrow. She’s shoulder to shoulder with both Nini and Ricky, an awkward placement if it weren’t for how resolutely they’re ignoring each other. Not in an angry way; just in an ‘I’ll smile if we make eye contact but I’ll still be upset about it’ kind of way.

Yeah, it’s still an awkward placement.

Big Red furrows his eyebrows. “Are you referencing you and EJ?”

It’s a valid question, but she feels Ricky stiffen beside her as Nini relaxes. Gina inclines her head. “I was referring to how the seven of us are crammed into a four-person booth, but sure. That too.”

Ash kicks her feet up onto Ricky’s lap, the soles of her shoes just brushing Gina’s knee. “That’s why we’re using chairs.” She and Big Red, she means, relaxing in two chairs they dragged away from separate tables. Kourtney had chastised them about it at first before Big Red overruled her as part of the family.

“You’re like the parents at the head of the table,” Ricky appraises, shifting his legs around. 

“I still don’t agree with this assessment,” Carlos cuts back in, dropping his hands on top of the table. Seb interlaces their fingers, murmuring something under his breath. Whatever he says does the trick; Carlos cracks a smile and they move on to praising Walter’s ‘All About the Green’ rendition earlier at practice. That consumes them for the next half hour.

Despite the conversation focusing so heavily on a musical that has Gina and Ricky as love interests, she doesn’t think about him much throughout it. He’s literally pressed against her side and her attention goes to Big Red recounting his chemistry exercises with Kourtney. She’s grateful for the humorous tone that’s settled over everyone. This is the kind of thing she’d use to her advantage before, just to stir up drama and maybe put herself into a more desirable role. But she already has the lead, and she has no wish to disturb the camaraderie between her friends. She kind of wants to mention this to someone though, someone who understands, except the one person who would know exactly how she feels is in New York.

It’s probably why she zones out for a few minutes, tuning back in just as Ricky announces he’s gotta run. He leans over and kisses her right before she moves to sit more comfortably in his absence. And it’s not—there are no fireworks, okay, she doesn’t get all tingly inside and start blushing or anything. But it’s fine. Not groundbreaking, but not bad by any means either. She attributes the lackluster feeling to their surroundings: the center of Salt Lake Slices with all their friends around them, Nini right next to her.

It’s odd, but she’s really glad her first kiss was actually with EJ over summer break when she compares it to the mundane feeling this one gives her. 

so ash tells me it’s ~official, official. 

yeah i guess so

doesn’t feel much different than before it was “double official” tho

is that a bad thing?

no ofc not

just kinda weird for me to wrap my head around

do you want me to point out that you dating ricky probably shouldn’t be “weird”?

no

then i won’t. 

can you just point me in the nearest direction of how to change time zones? it needs to be 3pm already

you’re in mazzara’s class again arent you. 

i never said i didn’t like the man

but i DO NOT like his class

ik i didn’t get into av club until late senior year but i think i enjoyed his class. 

*coughs* dork

i’ll call you. 

no you won’t

gi.

ej.

okay you’re right i won’t. 

you’re just too nice xx

࿏

[calling: babe 🍚]

[call duration: 3min]

hellllooo??

sry sry austin ambushed me w a group of people at our apartment. 

i can be rude and text but i can’t be SUPER rude and call yk. 

how many people?

like 7. 

and aly?

present.

the man just doesn’t quit huh

i cannot stress this enough: i’m not interested. 

she’s really nice and can hold a conversation just fine but like ,,

gina she asked me if gaston was the lead.

…of batb?

YEAH. 

y i k e s

like i said, rlly nice, but next she’s gonna say she hasn’t seen a single marvel movie and then i’m gonna have to excuse myself for the rest of the school year. 

i mean, *i* hadn’t seen a marvel movie before this past summer soo

that’s different.

how so?

i’m not dating you. and you’re gina.

idk how those are mutually exclusive

one’s a fact, the other means it wouldn’t matter even if you dESPISED marvel. 

are you saying i’m stuck w you?

and i’m stuck w you.

i can handle that

✨

࿏

an aly preston has requested to follow me?

yeahhh that’s her.

is that weird

are we weirded out or cool w jt

“jt”

i’ll kill you

it’s fine. i tagged you in that throwback post the other day. 

she must’ve clicked on your profile then. 

ᖍ(ツ)ᖌ 

what do i do if she messages asking how to woo you

how to WOO me huh?

girls talk, eej

hate to break it to you

okay i know THAT.

i don’t think she’ll do that. 

at least i hope not. 

brb setting a timer to count up from this moment just to see how quickly you’re wrong

what would you even tell her?

“dye your hair”?

pffft

you’re not that shallow

true, i have a type but i could go outside it if i wanted to. 

and do you want to?

not really. 

it’s worked out that well for you thus far

ha ha. 

it hasn’t been terrible.

okay i won’t give her real advice if she asks

i’ll tell her she has to get through to your best guy friend and then send her carlos’s way

OFNDKFG

HE WOULD NOT DEAL W THAT AT A L L

I KNOW

but honestly

i’d probably tell her to pay attention to your interests and ask genuine questions

it’s that simple?

worked for me

are you saying you ✨wooed✨ me?

not necessarily

that’s just what i do now, as your resident best friend

but i must’ve done SOMETHING for you to buy that plane ticket

i mean

we weren’t friends fifnfkfk 

you left, gina. that’s all it took.

stop we only have a 5min break and i can’t go back onstage crying

࿏

[audio message to: gina 💃🏾✨]

[transcript: “Because that’s…EJ…pining…Aly is right here…but…I know that…you’re not…on this?…I can’t just stop…Not about her…”]

did you mean to send me that audio?

shit i sent you an audio?

what’d it’d say?

taking that as a no then

i couldn’t really tell tbh? something about aly, unable to stop, etc. ik there wasn’t just your voice

were you talking to austin?

[ five minutes later ]

eej?

yeah, that was austin. 

sorry, sent that by accident. 

everything okay?

yep. perfectly fine.

Halloween is only a week after that, and although Gina knows she and Ricky are dating she doesn’t think a couple’s costume is appropriate so early on. She’s been waiting a whole year to dress up as Gabriella, after all.

(Also, Ricky’s going as Spider-Man and Gina honestly can’t stop laughing anytime she sees him in costume. Ashlyn is having a similar problem, which says a lot; they’ve only gotten a single snapchat of it so far. Gina sincerely doubts it’ll get better once the cast shows up at their house.)

Carlos knows all the best places for full-size candy bars and expensive chocolates, which makes sense considering he definitely lives in the wealthier part of town. But that means the nine of them have to drive out there, park somewhere (Carlos’s house?), and then drive back for the party at her and Ashlyn’s house. It contrasts so much with how she normally spends Halloween—sitting on the porch with her mom in whatever state they’re in at the time, passing out candy to young children as they discuss places they’d like to go in the future. She’s ready to experience a less adult-like Halloween for once.

She heads downstairs with that thought rumbling around in her head. She’s not sure Ash will understand or relate at all to it, but she’s gearing up to tell her when she steps into the kitchen. “You ready?” her friend asks, her back turned as she throws things into her bag on the counter.

Gina nods even though she can’t see her. “Gabriella is ready, yes.”

That makes Ashlyn stop rummaging around in her bag and turn, borderline-gawking at her outfit. Gina’s not quite sure she’s ever looked at her the way she is now, and even after recognizing it as new, she can’t piece together what it means.

“What, it looks bad? It’s not funny?” Gina asks, anxious now. Their friends will be here within the next ten minutes and there is no way she’ll be able to scrounge up a new costume in that time—not that she wants to. It’s really just a joke costume put together with clothing she already owned.

But her roommate snaps out of it fast enough, holding a hand out. “No, of course not. You look great, just… could you call EJ real quick?”

Gina’s eyebrows draw together. Another reaction she didn’t anticipate. “Uh, why?”

Ash just shakes her head and coughs out a laugh. “Just call him.”

Gina’s confused but shrugs, tossing her bag onto the table and fishing her phone out of her back pocket. “Okaaay. It’s been a few days since our last call, so I guess it’s kind of on time.” They don’t have a specific schedule or anything, but one time a week went by without FaceTiming and Gina immediately realized she was in a shitty mood when Monday came around.

He picks up just as the third ring starts, his screen dark and mobile. “Hey, gimme a sec,” his voice comes through, clearly leaving a crowded place if the background noise is anything to go off of.

Gina gets comfortable holding her phone, her eyes darting over to Ash. They’re both leaning against the kitchen counter, all nonchalance. She’s still confused. “Are you at a party or something?”

“Yeah, Austin dragged me from party to party until he found Aly.” He laughs. “At this point I think he’s more into her than I am.”

And there it is again. Gina has a vague understanding of what the sudden swooping in her stomach would be classified as if she were to give it a label, but she actively avoids it right now. Just like last time. “Yeah, Ricky’s making sure we all Trick-or-Treat before coming back for Ash’s party.”

If he feels anything similar to how she just did it doesn’t show on his face as he finally lifts the phone screen. He’s just his regular old self, just EJ—until she notices the jersey he’s wearing.

Gina blinks for a second, her jaw beginning to drop. “Are you dressed as Troy?”

EJ barely flushes, but the faint redness is there. “Yeah, uh, I thought it’d be kind of funny. Not that anyone here is in on the joke though.”

Her next breath sputters out before she manages to extend her arm and capture her whole outfit. “Eej, I’m going as Gabriella.”

The surprise registers on his face, the fading sunlight highlighting his amusement as it filters onto his otherwise expressionless face. Immediately he’s laughing, and she’s laughing, bringing the phone closer to her as if she’s able to grab his arms. “How did—we didn’t even plan this!” he exclaims, such pure happiness on his face that whatever she was feeling before is completely washed away.

Gina grins back at him, wishing more than anything he was here. Instead she turns to Ashlyn, standing just a few feet away. “Is that why you told me to call?” She swivels the camera over to show his cousin, telling her, “Seriously, we didn’t plan it.”

“Swear,” EJ echoes, smiling through the camera.

“Wait, wait,” Gina says between laughs, holding out her phone again to show more of her outfit. “We need a picture.”

He complies, mirroring her posture and grinning like there’s no tomorrow. Gina ushers Ashlyn over to tap the white button so her free arm can stay on her hip. EJ catches on right away and makes fun of her for it. Gina makes fun of him for his lack of dedication.

After Ashlyn snaps the picture she has to fight the urge to look at it. She already knows it’s perfect, just like all of their frenetic pictures. Whatever this one looks like will have the same energy that they do now, laughing at each other over their HSM-centered costumes like the Wonderstudies they are.

“And to think you shut down my High School Musical trivia before,” EJ says cheekily, his face much closer to the camera now. “Forshame, Gina. Forshame.”

She smiles so hard she’s inadvertently squinting at him. “Getting the parts we were robbed of is a lot different than discussing all their songs while on a road trip.”

He snorts. “Robbed. Glad we’re both still on the same page.”

The same page, she knows, is that neither of them care anymore and find their past attitudes uncalled for. She likes that they changed at the same pace. That they changed together. That they changed each other. Her smile softens as she looks at him, fighting the urge to hug him now. It’s a lot easier, though, because she can’t. It just hurts more.

The doorbell rings then but the loud yelling outside of it is distinctly of the friend kind and not screaming children. Ash rolls her eyes, pops in to say bye to EJ, and heads out of frame to let their friends into the house.

Gina shakes her head good-naturedly, giving EJ her full attention once again. “I should probably let you go, get back to your party and all.”

His smile falters for a second, but it’s enough for her to notice. He doesn’t let her question him before he’s saying, “And you’ve gotta go Trick-or-Treating with our fellow Wildcats. Tell them Troy says to get their heads in the game.”

She chuckles. There are voices behind her now. “Will do. Tell everyone you see that your Gabriella dipped for Stanford already.” EJ nods, but the smile is back to crumbling. If he hadn’t purposely stopped her from asking a second ago she would now. She frowns slightly and decides on being honest, at the very least. “I wish you were here.”

EJ doesn’t look any happier than he did a second prior, or maybe it’s at the impossible thing she just mentioned. “I wish I was too,” he divulges. The house party lights behind him flash from orange to a dark blue, mimicking Halloween’s colors. Gina’s about to comment on it when he says goodbye, telling her to have fun. She has just enough time to echo the sentiment before he ends the call.

Her phone’s still in her hand, the screen going dark when Ricky pops over and snags her candy bag. He makes a comment about getting twice the amount of candy now, to which she teases him about making a quip just like Spider-Man would. There’s no room for more conversation before their friends circle up, outlining the game plan and heading out to their respective cars.

It doesn’t occur to her for a while that she’s able to keep a straight face around Ricky in costume, a feat Ashlyn could desperately use right about now. Somewhere between his snapchat and his arrival it stopped being funny. The whole night stopped being just that bit more fun, turned down a notch after talking to EJ. A very noticeable notch. Gina tries not to dwell on it, or what EJ didn’t want her to realize, or the whole—god, the whole Aly thing. It’ll all be there tomorrow. It’s not a reassuring thought at all, but it does allow her to laugh at some of her friends’ attempted schmoozing to get more candy.

The next day their picture goes up on Instagram. Gina’s post includes a cute posed photo Ash took of her, the screenshot of her FaceTime call with EJ, and a group photo in front of a random house with all their candy on display. EJ’s post has only himself and the FaceTime screenshot. Gina leaves a comment about her obvious importance in his life, Carlos leaves “👀” emojis for both of them, and EJ responds by updating his location to “Gina Porter’s Fantasy.” Ricky doesn’t like either of their posts.

When Gina wakes up on November 2nd and realizes she’s officially seventeen, she doesn’t turn her phone on expecting much more than a few lovely messages from her mother. She’s pleasantly surprised to see a lot more.

the cats! they’ve gone wild | 7:23am

[carlos] happy birthday, miss thang!

[seb] catwbirthdaycake.gif

❤️❤️❤️

[ej] happiest of birthdays my dear wonderstudy! i’m calling you at 8 tonight and you don’t have a choice.

[kourtney] guess who’s a dancing queen?

[kourtney] THE BIRTHDAY BITCH

[ricky] happy bday gi! see you soon :)

[nini] i might’ve taught everyone a lil bday song for before practice later, so get ready for that :)

[big red] happy birthday!

i promise i bought you an actual gift, but my parents are sending over some coupons

[ricky] dude i want coupons wth

[carlos] go on a date there, bro? she’s your gf

[kourtney] don’t you dare make her take you there on her bday

talk about tacky

[carlos] i wasn’t suggesting TODAY

[ej] the bro thing kinda weirds me out ngl.

[gina] me too lmao

love you guys! thank you for all the birthday wishes!

[nini] is ash awake yet? i sent her a text

[ashlyn] brb barreling through her door right now

The timing couldn’t be better, because within the next two seconds Ashlyn throws open the door and rushes over to throw easy-to-clean confetti over her while wrapping her in a hug. Gina hugs her back and laughs loudly, truly feeling like she has a sister.

࿏

Turns out Ricky hadn’t planned on cashing in her coupon to Salt Lake Slices—after Carlos mentioned it she genuinely got worried—because he already has something planned for after practice. Unfortunately for her, that something is skateboarding.

The thought process behind it is sweet enough: he wants to pay homage to the confidence she gave him back at the beginning of High School Musical by spending her birthday together at the place she convinced him not to quit. Gina has to admit it is a very, very sentimental approach to their relationship. There are just two problems.

For one thing, she can’t skate to save her life. She’s fantastic on her feet when her feet are actually on the ground, not two inches above it and on wheels. It’s a perfect excuse to hold hands and guide her through the process on the smaller inclines, though, which has to be where his mind went for the actual learning portion. If he thought that far ahead.

The second thing is the sick feeling sitting at the bottom of her stomach. For Ricky, her showing up just as he was about to skateboard and changing his mind about the musical was a moment worth remembering. For her, showing up to purposefully convince him to stay just so Nini might quit and she could replace her? Yeah, that’s a little less worth remembering. It’s such a stark contrast from who she is now that she’s not sure what it would accomplish if she confessed to it. Nothing good, probably, aside from assuaging her guilt.

So she stews in it. Pastes on a smile and tries her hardest to learn even a little about the basics of skateboarding before the hour Ricky planned on is up. There’s no dinner afterward because Miss Jenn ordered pizza at the end of practice. Gina looks forward to the second the big hand hits seven, ready to go home and sit down and talk to her mom because she misses her. Not because she’s decided she hates skateboarding.

࿏

She declines a call from EJ while talking to her mom. It’s not eight p.m. yet, so she correctly assumes it’s not the call he was insistent about earlier.

The voicemail is twenty seconds long and consists entirely of EJ singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to her in such a way that it sounds like he’s serenading her from across the country. Her cheeks hurt from smiling so much that by the time it's over she doesn’t bother making him wait the five minutes until eight. She just calls him.

“Ahh, there is my lovely, seventeen-year-old best friend!” he greets her, his face much closer to the camera than normal. 

“You’re such a dork, you know that?” Gina asks, physically feeling any of the leftover stress from skateboarding leave her body when he starts laughing.

“Hey, Nini mentioned everyone else singing to you and I wasn’t about to be left out of that just because I’m not there.” His eyes are practically sparkling. She has to wonder if talking to her puts him in the same good mood as talking to him does for her.

“So I’m not getting a present besides your amazing vocals?” she teases, resting her chin on her closed fist. “Sounds like someone is going to sing ‘A Billion Sorrys.’”

He groans immediately, shaking his head and his hands at the same time. “Literally no way. I know you ‘decided’ we’re doing that, but it’s not happening.” He catches the look she’s giving him and cracks a smile. “Alright, it’s not happening right now. Your gift should be coming in a day or two, I promise.”

Gina tilts her head. “What, you couldn’t pay for expedited shipping or something? Lame.”

EJ actually gasps. “Lame?!”

“I said it.”

“How dare you.”

“New York has changed you.”

The rest of the call passes in a happy blur. She snorts three times in a row and has to yell at him to shut up so she can catch her breath. She takes her makeup off during the call and changes into pajamas off-screen, the smile never leaving her face. He’s full of anecdotes today, somehow relating every single one back to her and her birthday and “You know this means you’ll choreograph your best dances this year, right?” “I’ll have to teach you how to do them with me.”

The gift arrives the very next day, and if he wasn’t in class at the time she wouldn’t second-guess calling him to announce he’s officially surpassed being ‘a really good guy’ and moved onto being ‘the best human in existence.’ She settles on sending him a selfie of her smiling as wide as possible, the twinkling G , ballet shoes, music note, and theatre mask charms on full display against her wrist. There’s a note, too, about how no matter where she goes she knows who she is and what she’s worth. It’s probably her favorite gift.

so i had a thought

that’s a terrifying way to start. 

okay, mr. risotto night

…continue. 

new york is 2hrs ahead of utah

and i always always always go to sleep before you

so what time do you go to bed huh

oh yk. 

sometime. 

do you SLEEP?

pfft of course i do. 

i stg ej if you and ashlyn are still pulling this “i’ll sleep when i’m dead” bullshit

hey hey hey. 

check in w ashlyn and see if she looks tired. 

if she doesn’t, then neither do i. we have similar time management skills. 

okay 1) time zones. ash doesn’t NEED to be tired rn. it’s five fucking pm

and 2) you waited until a week into college STATES away from home to ask me—not your mom, or your dad, or whoever did your clothes before—how to learn to do laundry 

i’m feeling really seen right now and i don’t like it. 

you make me feel seen all the time, too bad

i do??

go to SLEEP

it is SEVEN PM. 

and??

didn’t you wanna facetime later or something?

can’t do that if i’m asleep. 

i’ll call you rn and hang up immediately if it means you get some fuckn rest oh my god

[calling: babe 🍚]

[call duration: 5sec]

GINA. 

࿏

[calling: gina 💃🏾✨]

[call duration: 2hrs 3min]

࿏

[calling: gina 💃🏾✨]

[call duration: 48min]

࿏

[calling: babe 🍚]

[call duration: 1hr 22min]

࿏

[calling: gina 💃🏾✨]

[call duration: 5min]

i’m sorry, was that supposed to be FUNNY

not so amusing when you’re on the receiving end huh?

we were literally in the middle of a very important discussion

you were berating me about my two left feet actually. 

and you hung up, grinning like an idiot as you went

that’s different than my like 2sec call

how so?

mine was COMEDIC

oh yeah. 

i’ve got a dictionary right here. 

under the word “comedic” there’s a picture of your face. 

😡😡

😌

it better be a good picture at least

no bad photo of you exists. 

࿏

i’ve got a random early morning practice tomorrow but i’m tired and unable to hold myself back

i really really hope you’re having a good time in college

i mean

as much as a i kiss gou 

niss

*miss

i’m tired

as much as a MISS you, it hurts me to think you’re not having a good time

like

really breaks my heart

so if ur sad pls talk to me about it

i’m always here to lauren

listen

oh ymgod

i better og to sleep

if you’re studying or something i’m sorry but i am DEAD tired

okay gn

gina…

it’s 3am your time, i just woke up. 

i promise we can talk about what’s going on at nyu when you’re awake, okay?

have a good early practice. 💞

Gina’s flicking through their texts, focusing on her sleep-deprived messages and the fact that EJ very much did not confide in her about college still two days later when she hears Ricky and Ash in the kitchen. The three of them plus Big Red had dinner together before Red had to head back to the restaurant, leaving the mess for them to handle. Ashlyn and Ricky agreed to start cleaning up while Gina went to the bathroom—which took three minutes tops—but now their topic has definitely shifted from memorable SpongeBob reruns.

“Ricky, I feel for you, I really do. But talking to me about my cousin because you’re concerned about him and your girlfriend? There’s a lot of other options here that you might want to consider.”

She pauses where she is, hidden behind the staircase. What? She’s able to piece together the general vibe but she’s also under the impression that the second she rounds the corner the conversation will stop. So she clicks her phone off, tucks it back into her pocket, and settles against the wall. She doesn’t have to wait long.

“I know, I know, but I don’t know if I’ll get a straight answer.” That sounds very much like he assumes she’ll lie to him. Gina feels a frown etching itself onto her face. “They just—they talk all the time, Ashlyn, and it’s a little…”

“Intimidating?”

Gina grimaces involuntarily. She wouldn’t have gone with that; Ricky seems to agree. “Shit, should I be intimidated? Do you think it’s like Nini all over again?”

Okay, that puts bile in her mouth. She shifts her weight from one foot to the other and crosses her arms, having to focus on keeping her mouth shut. ‘Nini all over again’? Really? She’s not dense; she knows they’re part of a romantic web in some ways, stuck amongst the drama club. It doesn’t bother her, though, because it’s nothing like his issue with Nini last year.

For one thing, EJ’s not interested in her, or dating her, or stealing (i.e.: getting help to steal) her phone. Nini’s completely out of the picture, not in Gina’s shoes slowly starting to feel something for an oblivious boy. And Ricky’s not left out in the cold with only musical practices to look forward to anymore. The situations are so far from the same because this isn’t even a situation. 

She hears Ashlyn tell him as much. “Ricky, last year you broke up with Nini”—there’s a pause here, in which Gina would bet her dwindling savings account that he opens his mouth to argue over the terminology—“because that’s what happened, and EJ started dating her at camp. You weren’t in the picture, Gina wasn’t even here yet, and despite whatever happened that semester you’re all very different people now. There aren’t any similarities you’re missing.”

Gina adores her roommate. 

A long exhale. “Okay. Okay, you might be right.” Some shuffling, water running for a moment. “I guess I’m just getting paranoid, you know.” Gina’s about to make her entrance when he murmurs, “She’s just so sad sometimes. When he says something about college or whatever.”

Her heart feels like it’s leapfrogged up into her throat. Is she that transparent? She’s admitted several times to EJ that she misses him or wishes he was around for certain events, but she’s tried to remain upbeat around her friends. Just because the dynamic is slightly off without EJ there doesn’t mean she shouldn’t have fun. She’s mentioned it to Ashlyn here and there; hell, half the time Ash is the one to bring it up first. It’s not like she’s a hollow shell without him.

But Ash just sighs. “Oh, come on, he’s like her best friend.” Dishes clank together. “Aside from me of course. It makes sense that she’s upset.”

“This upset though?” There’s something he’s hinting at with his tone. Gina swallows roughly.

“If you’re insinuating it’s weird to miss my cousin—”

“No, no, not at all. I miss him too.”

Ash snorts. “Yeah, I’m so sure it’s the same. You guys butted heads half the time and about a quarter of the other half you never interacted.”

Ricky chuckles. That’s the first time he’s seemed lighthearted in this conversation. “I can’t deny that.”

“No, you cannot. So calm down. Don’t make any stupid mistakes because you’re too anxious to ask Gina about something that’s completely normal. She and EJ have always been like this.”

“Always? I remember Homecoming, alright.”

“You know what I meant.” Ash’s footsteps grow closer.

Gina stills, waiting for her to move towards the stairs. She holds her breath until the moment passes and they continue putting away the dishes. She breathes out quietly and leans her head back against the wall, unsure how to proceed. Ricky made it very clear he didn’t want to ask her directly about this but shouldn’t she address it anyway? Clear the air?

But what air is there to clear? She misses her best friend so they text and call each other a lot to cope. She doesn’t know if it’s because EJ’s a guy or because he’s EJ that raises Ricky’s hackles like a fucking territorial dog, but whatever it is she isn’t fond of it. If he’s insecure or—or jealous, even, then he needs to approach her about it. Not anyone else behind her back.

She breathes for another minute, slipping her phone out again almost unconsciously. Her thumb clicks through until the screen is open to EJ’s texts once more. She’s not sure why she’s torturing herself with everything all at once. It bothers her that Ricky’s questioning Ashlyn about either of their motives without coming to her first, but looking at her still-empty notifications tab when EJ promised they’d talk bothers her more. 

Ricky’s insecurities are still ringing in her mind by the time the weekend rolls around, but Saturday also marks four days since the whole College Confidence That Never Was. It’s a no-brainer to give up on sending the same texts skirting around the issue at hand and to just FaceTime EJ instead.

She waits until it’s eight o’clock, her own laundry spread out on her bed in front of her. Unless he’s deviating from the schedule then he should be 1) doing much of the same, and 2) waiting for her call. She knows he could call her as well, but she has a hunch about why he hasn’t yet.

It rings for twice as long before he picks up. Gina’s in the middle of making a mental note of that when his screen flickers to life, showing an EJ Caswell with just grown-out enough hair that it’s noticeable. It’s slightly damp and laying flat against his forehead, his dark blue t-shirt making it seem like he’s soaked when really he must’ve gotten a shower. It’s not super tight on him but she can still see a sliver of stomach from the gap between it and his grey sweatpants. He looks incredibly cute. 

Gina banishes the thought immediately. “You’re looking spiffy,” she jokes, tilting her head at his bedroom wardrobe. Does he even own real pajamas?

EJ cracks a smile but he does look tired. “I’m going to assume you only said ‘spiffy’ because you’re either secretly sixty years old or you’re just too attracted to me right now.”

Her heart stops for a split second. “It’s gotta be one of those, right?” she manages, raising her eyebrows.

“I know you very well.” 

She hates to ruin the gentle banter they’ve slipped into, but she’s not willing to sidestep whatever’s bothering him much longer. She waits until he begins folding a shirt to say, “Then you know what I wanna talk about, right?”

He doesn’t hesitate so much as freeze entirely. His fingers twitch against the fabric. “I have an idea.”

Gina takes a breath, her gaze flickering up to meet his. She’s momentarily caught off guard by how intensely he’s looking back through the screen. “You said we’d talk about it when I’m awake, and well…” She shrugs, palms up. “Four days later.”

EJ smiles sheepishly. “I was hoping you’d forget?”

She flattens her palms on her comforter. “How did you put it before vacation? ‘I never ignore you’?” He’s silent but she knows she’s hit the nail on the head. “I never forget.”

“Like an elephant?”

“Eej.”

“Right. College.” He returns to folding, whether to make progress or avoid eye contact, she doesn’t know. She’s not worried; his tells exist beyond his eyes. “It’s just… different, I guess? Like I said, small fish in a big pond.”

“Is it upperclassmen making you feel that way or like—1.0 bitches?” She’s serious, but he lets out a startled laugh at her phrasing. She smiles back and finally picks up a pair of leggings to fold. Her phone buzzes beside her at the same time a message pops up on her MacBook. Ricky’s name lights up with a simple “gi” message. She returns to folding.

“Maybe 1.0, I don’t know.” EJ shakes his head, the smile diminishing. “It could just be the campus. It’s gorgeous and probably everything I would’ve wanted before Duke and that whole mess, but now it’s like all I can see is its differences from East High.”

“Different isn't always bad,” Gina points out, waving a sock around. Another “giii” message comes through. “Different just means you’re growing, evolving. I think that’s been good to both of us so far.”

EJ makes an unconvinced noise. “Yeah, but different also means different. Unfamiliar. Whole new terrain.”

“Have you been reading the dictionary?”

He cuts his eyes at her, amusement dancing in them around the frustration. “I’m just saying it’s not always enjoyable.” She watches as he smoothes out a pair of pants three times in a row, each one slower than the other. She thinks he’s zoning out on her until he adds quietly, “Different’s also far.”

Before she can respond, “giiiiiii” comes through for the third time and Gina mumbles “oh my god” under her breath. She snatches up her phone and switches it to Do Not Disturb, her skin prickling at the persistence.

She glances up to find EJ watching her carefully. “Everything alright?” he asks, such sincerity in his eyes that she is, actually. She’s perfectly fine.

Gina nods. “Yeah, yeah just had to stop some notifications coming through. Keep going.”

But whatever momentum he built up has diminished now, just enough for her to notice. She wonders if it’s a big difference or if she just knows EJ to a T. “I think I’m just a little homesick, you know?” he winds up saying, voice semi-gravelly. “FaceTiming isn’t the same as driving ten minutes and knocking on your door.”

“And leaving me on the couch to sleep,” she adds, but her eyes are watering. It seems like such a small distinction on paper, the contrast between those two activities. The reality is as hard as ever to swallow. 

“Hey, it’s not like I took the sweatshirt back, alright.” He shakes his head slightly, eyes twinkling. She’s glad he still looks happy after whatever he stamped down. “Where is it anyway?”

Gina nods offscreen in the direction of her closet. “Still hanging up. I haven’t worn it to school or anything to avoid all the ‘is that where you’re going’ questions.” And because Ash had specifically told her to maybe not wear it around Ricky, but that should’ve been a given. Gina’s a bit concerned that it didn’t feel like one.

EJ chuckles. “Even better, ‘oh, so is your friend going there?’”

She snorts. “What a confusing web we’ve woven.”

They fold in silence for a few minutes, the slight rustling of fabric and him in her peripherals as close as she’ll get to the real thing for at least two more weeks. Two more weeks until she gets to hug him, and tease him up close, and probably throw a t-shirt or two at him just for the hell of it. Two more weeks until she gets to listen to his MCU theories from the opposite end of the couch instead of the opposite end of the country. Two more weeks until she gets to eat risotto again, because yes she’s been holding off while they’re in separate states. Two more weeks until she can look him in the eyes and make sure he’s as good as he says he is.

The last thought sinks in slowly, filling her thought capacity more and more as the seconds tick by. Eventually she slips and asks, “You know you can tell me anything, right?” It comes out a lot softer than intended, more vulnerable. It catches his attention that much more. She doesn’t know if he needs to hear this, but she knows she needs to say it. Just so he knows. “There’s nothing that’ll send me running.”

There’s a battle in his eyes, a cloudy storm passing over his face for a moment too long to ignore it. She thinks he knows it too because he swallows and says, “I’ll let you know when I’m ready. That cool?”

Gina gnaws at the inside of her cheek, nodding once. “Of course. I’m not here to force you.”

“You’re not here at all,” he says immediately, cutting off abruptly. She hears the unspoken and that’s the problem though. But maybe that’s just what she’s thinking.

“But you’ll be here soon.” Not soon enough. His expression mirrors hers. They’re definitely aware of what they’re leaving unspoken. Ricky’s whole spiel about how upset she is without EJ rushes through her thoughts for a moment, eclipsing any chance at denying the truth. Life without EJ is still enjoyable, still full of people she loves, but it’s not a life she wants forever. Not even close.

There’s a retching noise off camera. EJ cranes his neck to the side, leaning half out of view. “Hey, uh, Austin’s puking in the other room,” he explains after a moment, twisting to look at her again. “Call you back in a couple of minutes?”

She smiles wryly, squinting at him. “I’m holding you to that.” But she’s thankful for the time to compose herself.

He calls back two minutes later, as promised, ringing through both her laptop and her phone. Only now does Gina remember he’s in her favorites list and thus breaks the Do Not Disturb lock. She accepts on her laptop, glances down to see one missed call and a goodnight text from Ricky, and moves to sit cross-legged on her bed. She settles in for EJ’s weekly breakdown of his own personal Marvel film rankings.

Opening night sits with Gina in three unique ways.

1. Playing the lead opposite her boyfriend is a new experience, one she hardly ever let herself imagine with how often she moved in the past. Now that it’s a reality and about to happen she’s extra hyper, ready to be out on-stage showing the world how talented she is alongside her first boyfriend. (And Ricky does much better as human characters; no acting like the almost-death scene as the Beast is happening tonight.)
2. This is their first show with marginally fewer problems throughout the semester. So it’s safe to say they’re all a little nervous that something horrible is going to happen in the middle of it.
3. And finally, EJ’s not here. She keeps hoping he’ll make a surprise appearance in the crowd or something, like what she planned to do for HSM when he brought her back, but he sent her an encouraging snapchat not five minutes ago. SnapMap says he’s still in New York. She knows he’s not coming.

Maybe the something horrible is EJ not being here.

Gina enters the dressing room for the final time to see everyone huddled around baskets upon baskets of “break a leg!” notes and candy shaped like wedding dresses and suits. There’s a small, pristine bouquet in the corner too, which someone’s already decided is from Mr. Mazzara to Miss Jenn (even if she won’t admit it), but the baskets are new. Gina’s already asking, “EJ?” when Ashlyn walks up to her, holding out the only basket with a single white rose in it. 

Ash just nods with a couple of unshed tears in her eyes. “EJ.”

Gina’s not even ashamed with how fast she tears open the card, careful not to rip it but too happy to waste any more time. Her eyes are drawn to the cartoonishly-drawn bowl of risotto at the bottom first, and then she begins to read.

“The” Gina Porter,

I know you’re going to call me out for doing all… well, all this, when I’ve already wished you and the cast luck for days now, but since I can’t be there it just feels appropriate. Feel free to give me a call anyway, though. I prooobably won’t let it go to voicemail. :)

But really, if you’re nervous in any way, DON’T BE. No role defines you, no stage confines you, and you kick ass at everything you do. Every single thing. Including being my best friend. So thank you for that, and go ~break a leg!

See you soon!

EJ <3

Her phone is out and she’s calling him before she even finishes it. The second he picks up, the lower half of his face covered by the neck of a hoodie sheepishly, she says, “I have like two minutes to spare but what the fuck, Eej, you want me to cry?”

EJ laughs now, the hoodie dropping away. “I don’t want you to cry, no! You look fine!”

Ash circles back around so she can lean over Gina’s shoulder and blow her cousin a kiss. “We love you, Eej! Wish you were here!” And then she’s gone, rounded up with the majority of the cast.

He blinks, grin making him look adorably confused. “Was she almost crying, too?”

“Duh! It’s already Waterworks Central in here and then you go and pull this shit?”

“Sorry for being thoughtful?”

Gina sticks her tongue out. It doesn’t have the same effect when she’s smiling through it though.

He doesn’t do it back but he does laugh again and shake his head. “You’re going to do amazing, Gi. Go have the time of your life!”

She knows what he said, but the second half is overlapped by Natalie shouting at her. Gina glances away, nods to Natalie yelling at her from the doorway, and has just enough time to tell EJ, “Thank you so much, love you!” before she has to hang up and make a run for the wings.

It takes her a full five minutes after her first scene to realize she said she loved him. And she does, god she does. She loves all of them, but that word she’s been holding in just in case some Fourth-related reaction bubbles up again. If it weren’t for that she would be dropping it at the end of all of their FaceTimes.

She doesn’t have a chance to check her phone until intermission, meaning she’s a bundle of nerves for a completely different reason on top of the regular performance jitters. Kourt notices after they finish ‘Saturday Night in the City,’ but by that point Gina is rushing to the dressing room along with everyone else. She takes a deep breath and turns her phone on. The grin she breaks out into is immediate.

love you too! knock ‘em dead, as usual.

Gina doesn’t think the high wears off for the rest of the night.

There’s always some level of sadness and building nostalgia when a show ends and the clean-up process begins, but one thing Gina won’t miss is whatever the fuck Ricky’s doing right now.

Ricky is known to do impulsive things. She didn’t need to start dating him to become aware of this, or even to look at him for longer than two minutes to know this. He’s a skateboarder, so maybe it comes with the territory, but wandering over to the leaning tower of props—dismantled wood and some odds and ends piled onto a wobbly table—and deeming it climb-worthy has gotta be a universally dimwitted decision.

One second Gina’s murmuring something about how she wants to keep the wedding dress one of Nini’s moms lent her for the show, and the next second she’s turned around, hands on her hips, gawking as Ricky clambers up the monstrosity. For fun.

“Do you even have a reason?” she asks, already knowing the answer.

Ricky tilts his head once he’s balancing awkwardly, one arm firmly pressed against the wall. “For what?”

Gina just blinks.

He cracks a smile and climbs a bit higher. “Nah, Gi, don’t worry. I’m a skater; we’re like cats. Always land on our feet.”

“Not when you’re dancing you don’t.” It’s a semi-low blow in any other context, but she’s just being honest. The cat comment would be amusing outside of this situation, too.

He scoffs and purposely shakes the props around. “No more musicals ‘til January. I’ve got some time to stay off my feet for a while.”

Gina doesn’t want to be that kind of girlfriend, but Carlos is out roaming the halls with Ashlyn and he usually takes the helicopter parent role when one of their friends is doing some stupid shit. Ricky climbing the fucking prop tower definitely qualifies as stupid shit.

She holds out a hand, more a lazy stretch than a reach. He’s not going to come down. “Ricky, seriously,” she says between light laughs. It’s all fun and games until he actually gets hurt. “Stop being a—a monkey.”

He laughs and evades her hand, not climbing higher but clinging tighter. “Wait, you gotta take a picture!”

“No,” she says, her smile two seconds away from morphing into a grimace. 

“Seb! Do you have your phone out?”

Seb turning around gets Natalie’s attention, though, and her eyebrows lower dangerously. More dangerous than what Ricky’s doing, honestly. “Get down, Ricky, I’m not cleaning up your blood!” she snaps, stomping over.

Ricky tries and fails to reassure her he’s fine, so Gina actually reaches for him this time. “Ricky, Ricky, just get down,” she says, the playful tone absent now. She doesn’t want to know what her face looks like. 

He swivels his head around and points, the tower tipping precariously. “Nini! Nini, you’ll take a picture, right?”

Gina doesn’t even have time to focus on everything that happens at once—the danger going from probable to imminent, Nini getting called over when Gina was under the impression they still weren’t interacting much, and Natalie’s neverending string of curse words—because Seb’s excited voice gasps out “EJ!” and her attention shifts immediately.

She whips her whole body around, eyes finding EJ’s at the door of the bomb shelter past all of their friends moving stuff around. There’s about a two-second buffer between his overall greeting and practically getting the wind knocked out of him when she throws herself into his arms. He stumbles again, like that first time she hugged him, and then he rights them both and leans back enough that her feet are off the floor. Which is new, and exhilarating, and EJ is here.

She extracts herself just enough to see his face, her own one undoubtedly giddy. “What the hell? You didn’t tell me you were coming back today.”

EJ grins, his arms loose around her waist. “And miss this reaction? Nah, I remember how extra you get about surprises.” His eyes are twinkling, his whole face lit up. She thinks she might actually black out for a moment.

Big Red and Kourtney are coming over to greet him, Ashlyn and Carlos still out on their quest to find Miss Jenn. Gina pulls back entirely and then waits until there’s a lull in the conversation to ask, her fingertips slightly imprinted from gripping his arms so hard, “Is this a new coat?” It’s plaid, and tweedy, and utterly attractive.

His lips quirk upward, his eyebrows drawn together. “You say that like I didn’t FaceTime you when I bought it two days ago.”

“This is different,” she insists, shaking her head. “I didn’t realize it looked this good.”

Kourtney laughs and EJ fakes a gasp. “I’m hurt you let me buy it thinking it was ugly.”

“No, shut up,” Gina gets out, hitting his arm playfully. “You didn’t show me it on, so this just looks even better.” She’s vaguely aware of Kourtney pursing her lips and Big Red coughing, but it’s all background noise when EJ laughs. It’s like the room gets brighter just with him in it.

He must be reading her mind because he pulls such a cocky expression. “My Halloween location is holding up, I see.”

“You wish!” There’s shuffling behind her, some grunts, and at least one thing hitting the ground. She doesn’t hear it.

“No, you wish.”

Gina feels like her face might literally split in half. “Technicalities.” She motions to the door. “Tell me how your flight was while we go find Ashlyn.”

EJ nods and swings his arm out at just the right angle for her to think he’s going to sling it around her shoulders, but he stops short and points at Seb. “You wanna come with us? Find Carlos?”

Seb sets down the makeup brushes he was helping Kourtney organize and sighs. “I am wondering if he got lost.”

“Or intercepted by Mr. Mazzara,” Big Red says thoughtfully. The room fills with giggles and a stilted laugh from Ricky, and just like that the three of them are out of the door. Gina’s thoughts are so far away from whatever perilous thing was happening beforehand.

Much like with summer movie nights, Gina can’t contain her excitement over a cast outing to a ski resort. She’s only tried it twice during a brief stint in Colorado back when she was thirteen—which isn’t a piece of information she’s offered up. If she sucks, they’ll know soon enough.

Also much like with summer move nights, two seconds upon arrival Ricky makes a comment that has her wondering about her place in the group. It’s not like intruding on the Caswell family vacation. It’s not even something that should bother her, really, but it does.

All he says is “Can’t wait to spend most of the day with my girl,” and she realizes he wants to be alone, not with the group the whole time. That means splitting her time between her boyfriend and the boy she’s over the moon to be in the same state right now, much less with them on the trip. She has half a mind to ask why they need to be alone on a group outing. The other half knows why he wants this.

They spend the first twenty minutes gathering everyone up from their cars and renting snowsuits and skis. Ash, Big Red, Carlos, and Seb drove together, leaving EJ with Howie, Kourtney, and Nini since Ricky didn’t want to split up. If Nini had gone with Ash then that would’ve opened up an extra space for both Gina and Ricky to ride with EJ, effectively taking two vehicles instead of the unnecessary three. Gina didn’t know how to address that without inadvertently addressing… everything else. So she didn’t. 

Now she’s regretting it. She feels like she gets five minutes with EJ at once, tops, before Ricky notices and drags her away to see something unremarkable. “It’s all just snow and slopes, Ricky, I’ve seen it before,” she says once, and he just keeps doing it.

The time isn’t split evenly at all.

࿏

Hours later, after she’s fallen on her ass an ungodly number of times and has sat out with Seb for “hot chocolate breaks” more than either of them can consume, she finds herself in a small group of Howie, Kourt, Nini—and EJ, thank god. She knows Ricky and Big Red went inside for a bathroom break or some best friend bonding time (there were a lot of jokes made and she’s unsure what’s real now), which means she doesn’t have to worry about him seeing her in EJ’s general vicinity and jumping her again.

That could also be because she’s near Nini and despite him expecting her to be humored by his antics during prop cleanup, they really don’t spend time alone. Or any time together at all, unless it’s with everyone else. Gina’s aware she shouldn’t be looking at this as a positive, but dammit she wants to be around her best friend on a ski trip.

“How many times have you fallen?” EJ asks, goggles lifted just enough so she can see the indentations left around his eyes as well as the playfulness in his gaze.

Gina squints back at him and puts her hands on her hips. “Not all of us love hurtling down a snowy hill, Eej. Sorry there’s not a cow at the bottom to freak you out.”

“Wait, are you scared of cattle?” Howie cuts in, reminding Gina once again of how much he doesn’t know about their dynamic. She immediately laughs and grins at Kourt and Nini.

EJ flushes now. “No, I’m not, Gina just loves making fun of me.”

“Sorry, was that not what you were doing to me just now?” she challenges, stepping closer to him. Her goggles have been off for at least thirty minutes now, right around when Seb insisted they were taking care of their mental health and not chickening out because they couldn’t hack it. She chose to embrace the vibe.

He tilts his head, a smile finding its way onto his lips as it usually does with her. “Actually I was trying to gauge if you’d be up to going down this hill with me since we haven’t done it together yet, buuuuut—”

“Shut up, you know I’ll go with you.”

“Is that the guilt speaking?”

Gina doesn’t need to see his shit-eating grin to know he’s referencing when they got to camp over the summer, but it does pull a grin out of her involuntarily, poking him in the chest. He probably doesn’t even feel it through all the layers. “Get ready to die, motherfucker.”

His laughter—all of theirs, but his specifically—echoes in the still air as she pulls her goggles down and adjusts her snowsuit, clumsily clomping over to the slope in question. Nini, Kourtney, and Howie promise to meet them at the bottom, prepared to go down right after them. They’re all decent skiers, just not as adept as EJ. Gina’s seen him go down a number of hills, sometimes from a distance when Ricky was being Ricky, but she found EJ anyway. She considers it a superpower, really, finding him in crowds. She hopes he does the same for her, even when all she’s doing is fumbling in the snow.

Maybe she manifests the immediate trip she takes on the way down by thinking about that. She and EJ set off at the same time, keeping to relatively the same speed. It’s not the steepest hill by any means, but Gina’s not the most skilled skier by any means either, just like skateboarding. They’re very close to the ground, so close to the end, actually,  that she thinks it was her smoothest attempt thus far when she shifts her leg a little too much and she’s going sideways instead of forwards.

“Whoa, watch out!” barely passes her lips before she’s colliding with EJ, their skis both failing them as they tumble to the ground. They don’t roll so much as slide the remaining ten feet to the bottom. It’s freezing even against her snowsuit, the cold seeping through the fabric in a way that only exhilarates her further. She could be hurt and not even know with how happy she is.

Gina laughs as soon as they make eye contact, reaching out a hand to snag his. “Are you okay?”

But he’s laughing as well, face half-pressed into the snow, goggles askew. “You’re insane.”

“How do you know I did this on purpose?” she asks, because she didn’t, not really, but she also doesn’t mind that they’ve ended up creating very chaotic snow angels either.

EJ lets out a harsh breath, the plume curling in the air like a visible depiction of his fondness for her. “Maybe because you said, ‘Get ready to die, motherfucker’?”

She clutches at his hand for a moment longer, just giggling and enjoying how disheveled he looks for once. She tells him so, too, and EJ just shoves at her before trying to get to his feet. They have to help each other up, moving slowly and probably resembling Bambi on ice. It’s a good thing the only other people heading down their slope are their friends.

Only after they’re up do said friends both reach the bottom and stop laughing. The timing makes Gina believe they were completely aware of what would happen with Gina on the slope and chose to go after them to watch—or they just didn’t want to risk falling themselves. 

Nini popping over and insisting on taking a picture only adds to her theory. “I think we all want to remember how you just wiped out,” Nini jokes, waving her phone at them.

Gina throws her arms around EJ’s neck and pops up on her toes, pressing their faces together. His skin is warm in the otherwise hypothermic air. It just makes her grin wider. His arms encircle her waist, holding her close like two overexcited kids on a snow day. She already knows she’s framing this photo, too.

࿏

Another two hours of skiing (re: falling) on the slopes and then it turns dark, sending them inside the ski resort for the next hour. Gina knows they booked a lounge room just for dinner afterward but she has no clue where it’s located. And of course Ricky insisted on spending some time alone before they were done skiing, so they’re separated from the group.

They’re standing outside one of the ski return stands, Gina tasked with finding out where the rest of them are. She’s not mad that they spent the last hour alone, but she is a little miffed that they’re standing outside to wait. Ricky had pointed out there are several entrances to the resort, though, and entering a random one might confuse them more than searching from the outside first. She didn’t feel like arguing about it, so now she’s texting.

“Did you text the group chat?” Ricky asks after only a few seconds, checking his notifications.

Gina shakes her head. “No, I texted EJ.” There’s a long moment of silence before she lifts her head, thumbs stilling as she adds, “The group chat gets off track enough as it is. Dealing with one reliable person at a time will be faster.” Then she continues typing.

And she gets it, okay? She understands how this could be perceived as her purposely pushing Ricky’s buttons or making him sweat or whatever. Except he doesn’t know she heard his problem with her friendship with EJ, and he hasn’t approached her about it either, so to him this is just normal behavior. It is normal behavior. Everything she said is true, it just now has her irritation tacked onto it. Only by a little.

EJ gets back to her within thirty seconds, predictably, and she just barely reins in the desire to gloat about it. Instead she reads aloud, “‘Go in the east entrance and we’re in the Snowed-In Lounge. Can’t miss us, we’re singing show tunes.’”

She’s grinning about the show tunes but Ricky still looks confused. He pivots, craning his neck left and right. “East entrance issss… where?”

Gina stifles a snort. “I’ll have him drop a pin or something.” He anticipates it, though, sending along a pin before she can ask. She holds her phone out triumphantly, tugging her zipper up the rest of the way with her free hand. “We’re close, just need to head that way.”

Ricky’s eyebrows are furrowed and he’s silent for an even longer moment than before. Gina raises an eyebrow of her own and is about to ask what’s up when he says, “Why is he ‘babe’ in your phone?”

That gives her pause. Gina’s eyes widen at the question. It hasn’t occurred to her that no one knows his contact name and might have some interest in the backstory. She shakes her head briefly and tries to give a quick rundown. “Back when we went to North High he got some guy to leave me alone by acting like we were dating.” She gestures to the phone in her hand. “That’s where it comes from.”

He still looks incredibly off-put. “Okay. And what am I in your phone?”

Jealousy does not suit him, even though Gina can admit it might be justified right now. She lets out an uncomfortable breath. “We don’t call each other that.”

There’s not a second between her explanation and his incredulous, “But you call EJ that?”

“It’s not a thing, okay?” she says, snapping like he just snapped at her. “It’s a joke, it’s funny.” She clenches her fist around her phone and has to remind herself to calm down. “Don’t you and Carlos have that ‘bro’ thing or whatever? It’s like that.”

Ricky pulls a face. “Bro is nowhere near the same thing as babe, alright, I’m drawing the line there.”

“Oh, you’re drawing the line? There’s a line now?”

“Not like—I’m saying it’s weird, that’s all,” he fumbles, clearly picking up on her hostile tone. She doesn’t want to be so defensive about this, but at the same time she doesn’t want him to act like he has any authority over an inside joke with her best friend.

So she focuses on the pin, squares her shoulders, and says, “Let’s go.” She doesn’t wait for him to follow, although she does hear him trailing after her. 

Maybe it’s childish or bad communication or something, but she has no desire to get into it with Ricky right now. He had an opportunity to express his emotions weeks ago and instead he chose Ashlyn. He chose festering frustration, some snide remarks, and now attempted ‘drawing a line.’ As if anyone can tell her to do anything. Gina 1.0 be damned; Gina 2.0 still knows what she’s worth.

They really are close to the rest of their friends. In three minutes flat they’re back inside and walking down the hall toward the Snowed-In Lounge—kitschy wordplay she can now enjoy—the cold slowly starting to wear off. She wipes off her phone screen with her glove before pocketing it and moving to unzip her jacket. Ricky’s doing much of the same.

When they reach the door, he stands in front of the handle as she’s reaching for it. She expects a repeat of earlier but all he says is, “Gi, I don’t want to fight.”

Gina nods once. “Great. Then we’re not fighting.” She motions for him to step aside. He sighs but does so, she opens the door, and they’re immediately greeted by their friends. Her choosing to collapse next to EJ on the couch has nothing to do with their non-fight; truthfully, it doesn’t. It’s only been an hour, but she’s missed him. And now she doesn’t have to.

Their buffet has already been brought in. Big Red resumes his server role like he’s back at his family’s pizzeria and passes a couple of plates over to Gina and Ricky. She catches the worried look he gives her at their distance from one another but she just thanks him and starts eating a chicken wing.

Seb looks around the room in awe, his plate going slack in his hands. Nini reaches out to steady it as he says, “Wait, I just realized! We’re at a ski resort just like in High School Musical!”

EJ leans over to nudge Gina in the side, a goofy smirk on his face. “Wonderstudies: the reprise.”

“Oh, so we’re at THE ski resort now,” she teases, nudging him right back. They’re both careful not to spill anything.

“Quick!” Big Red says playfully. “Someone sing ‘Start of Something New’!”

Gina thinks it only makes sense for Nini and Ricky to do it, and she truly doesn’t mind (unlike someone), but neither makes a move. Instead, EJ starts up at the same time Carlos does. They lock eyes across the room and just keep going. 

It builds in dramatics to the point where the only way to describe what they’re doing is argumentatively serenading each other, which wouldn’t make sense if it were anyone else. As it is, Seb mimics giving EJ his blessing to move in on his boyfriend, Howie once again motions for Big Red to record this, and Ricky nearly chokes because he’s laughing so hard. It stops pretty abruptly after that.

Carlos announces, “That is the last time I will let myself be theatrically pursued by EJ Caswell.”

“Last time?” Gina cuts her eyes at EJ. “Something you wanna tell me? This seems to be a recurring theme,” she says casually, settling her plate into her lap so she can turn and look at him more squarely in the face without fear.

He rolls his eyes and shrugs. “Nah, I got all romantic with him at the HSM tech rehearsal,” EJ murmurs around a mouthful of potato chips, except he doesn’t sound like he’s kidding.

Gina lets out a startled laugh. She tilts her head at him curiously. “No you did not.”

“Unfortunately, he did,” Ash says, shaking her head in exaggerated disdain. EJ doesn’t refute it and the room fills with catcalls. When he finally looks back at her she realizes this actually happened.

She starts giggling uncontrollably and covers her mouth, self-conscious of snorting in front of everyone. The way EJ’s looking at her suggests he knows she’s suppressing it. It makes her smile wider. She focuses on the crumbs on his lips instead. “Clean your face, Eej, you’re like a toddler,” she manages, earning laughs from some of their friends. Kourt agrees with fervor.

EJ goes pink but acquiesces, licking the corner of his mouth. It takes her way longer than it should to avert her gaze, fully aware her eyes just followed his tongue. 

Carlos fans at his face. “Stop licking your lips, EJ, you’ll make us all faint,” he teases, immediately cackling at EJ’s shocked expression. Gina thinks the comment is aimed at her until everyone joins in on the fake swooning and not a single eye bats in her direction. She presses a hand to her forehead at the last second, hoping her anxiety isn’t obvious.

It’s natural, she tells herself, to follow movement when you’re already looking. It just so happens the movement was EJ’s tongue and Ricky had just drawn attention to their fake dating shtick and it makes sense why she’s flustered. It does. But she’s still unnerved and feels like she needs to collect herself, so she goes silent for a solid twenty minutes once Nini begs Howie to tell North High stories.

It does the trick. After so long she’s laughing again, the moment forgotten—or, at the very least, tossed to the back of her mind. Their plates are set aside and she’s resting comfortably in the corner of the couch. Her socked feet are curled up underneath her, just barely grazing EJ’s thigh. She doesn’t think anything of it. She doesn’t.

Ricky gets to his feet soon enough after that, dusting crumbs off his jeans. “Gi, you ready to go?” he asks, and she’s certain everyone in the room can hear the dubiety in his voice. His gaze wavers between her and EJ. “It’s pretty dark.”

It sinks in after a moment, why he wants to leave. Gina bites back a sigh and says, “Yeah, alright.” She slides off the couch and slips her phone into her pocket, searching for her jacket right before she has another thought. She faces EJ. “Are you heading home for the night soon?”

He seems frozen at first, like he didn’t expect her to turn back. He glances at Nini, Howie, and Kourtney, and then nods. “Yeah, probably. Within the next twenty minutes or so.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” she reassures—him or herself, she doesn’t know—and shuffles forward, bending down to hug him. He straightens up in his seat to return it more comfortably and she knows exactly when they last hugged this way. At camp, when he was so proud of her performance that she almost ended up sitting on his lap.

Gina tries to wipe it from her mind as she leaves the embrace, smiling and grabbing her jacket like leaving with Ricky is exactly what she wants to do. She realizes she’s trying to convince herself too when Ricky takes her hand, something he never does, and she finds herself wanting to pull back. 

Gina won’t say it to avoid it going to EJ’s head, but waiting the two hours from when she, Ashlyn, and Ashlyn’s parents open presents until lunchtime when EJ and his parents come over for Christmas dinner gets to her more than she expected.

She’s less interested in whatever he got her and more interested in his reaction to what she got him. Christmas is very much a time to spend with her loved ones and the fact that she’s not flying out to see her mom (for the first time ever this holiday season) means she’s even more ready to be with her favorite people in Salt Lake. Ricky’s stopping by later too, but the Caswell cousins have enhanced her life in more ways than one. She’ll be forever grateful.

Dinner is full of mumbled risotto references and Gina’s not ashamed to admit she kicks EJ’s ankle three times when he pushes her dangerously close to a snort. She thinks she’s probably comfortable enough to do so around Ash now, but the four parents at the table? She’d rather die, thank you, and despite EJ not doing it on purpose he still has a knowing grin on his stupidly gorgeous face.

Ashlyn’s main gift incorporates all three of them: matching Christmas onesies. EJ’s laughter is still ringing in Gina’s ears as they go to change into them, another “That’s my cousin!” leaving his lips. Ash doesn’t change because she’s yet to see Big Red today, but she does express her envy over how comfortable they are. She would know. That’s the only reason she picked out borderline-ugly ornament pajamas. 

Gina steps out of the bathroom first to model the onesie for them, and when EJ trades places with her Ash explains, “I also got these to remind you that you are part of the family. You’re my sister.”

Yeah, Gina might cry for a few minutes as EJ loudly fights with his onesie in the bathroom.

Afterward Ash grabs her phone and her car keys and excuses herself, headed to Big Red’s for the evening. Gina takes this time to shift closer to EJ, knocking their knees together as she sets the three wrapped gifts in between them on the couch. She’s too keyed up to argue over how no, Gi, you live here, you go first, so she picks up the lightest gift and throws it at his chest.

EJ catches it just as it makes contact, scoffing playfully. The playfulness only increases when he unwraps it to reveal a knitted laundry cheat sheet she made after extensively researching laundry sign charts. He’s barely even looked at it before he’s handing it back to her. “This is just cruel.”

Gina pushes it back at him. “No, it’s helpful,” she insists, a smirk sneaking onto her face. “I won’t stop FaceTiming you to fold laundry if that’s what you’re worried about.”

He doesn’t say so, but the way he moves onto the next gift makes her think that was his thought process. She has to explain this one, though, so she waits until the book is unwrapped and he’s looking at her to get into it. “Okay, so remember that book you had to read for English that you were raving about and I said it sounded like another book I wanted to read?”

EJ nods slowly, a smile creeping onto his face. An entire two weeks of their text messages were dedicated to his required reading. He holds the new book up. “Is this—”

“I bought myself a copy, too.” Gina suddenly feels sheepish, so she ducks her head and shrugs. “I don’t know, I thought we could read it together.”

But he just nudges her knee with his, drawing her gaze upward. He’s smiling at her as usual, but this is different. Softer, more intimate. “I think that’s a really good idea.”

She feels her lips twitching. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” It must be the same smile from after the DEH showing. That’s why her stomach is on fire right now, once again basking in his glowing sincerity. 

After a moment she breaks their eye contact, feeling overheated. Maybe she’ll contribute it to the onesie. “Okay, last gift, and then mine.”

If he can tell she’s retreating into herself, even for a moment, then it all vanishes the second he opens an unmarked box to Iron Man’s helmet. A high-pitched noise leaves his body, not quite a shriek of fear but still in that realm, and Gina feels a huge smile coming on at his dumbfounded expression. He’s holding it like it’s about to break apart if he even moves.

She can’t hold in a giggle. “Yeah, I asked Ash probably a hundred times if you had this because you so would.” He’s alternating between staring at her and the helmet, jaw practically on the floor. Gina bits her lip, grinning now. “I’m glad you like it.”

“I—love you, oh my god,” he somehow gets out, marveling over the helmet like a kid in a candy factory. Gina desperately wishes she had her phone on her person to capture this because EJ and adorable are two words that go together frequently, but nothing quite like this.

She shakes her head, just happy to see him so happy too. “I’ll give you a minute to get acquainted. I know you two will be very happy together.” Happier than him with Aly, she thinks, and then is immediately unnerved by where that came from. Not today. She’s not going to think about her weird reactions to Aly today.

EJ does take that minute in full, insisting they take a picture— many, many pictures Gi, this is already my Halloween costume for next year and you have to be an MCU character too— later to commemorate the “day his dreams came true.” Logically she knows he’s being dramatic, but realistically she adores it all the same.

Eventually she has to take the helmet from him and place it as far away as possible just to get him back on track. EJ clears his throat and shakes his arms out, ridding his mind of all things Tony Stark-related. He grabs two presents off the floor. “Alright, first off,” he starts, pivoting to look at her more head-on.

Gina’s lips make an exaggerated O. “There’s a preamble now?”

“It’s not a preamble,” he says immediately, faking an offended look.

“EJ Caswell the politician.”

The offended look is no longer fake. “God, no.”

Gina squints at him, just to let him know she’s 5000% kidding. But she’s still not letting it go. “I don’t know, you said ‘first off’ which means there are more points and what politician keeps things short—”

“I was going to say that I’m giving you an official IOU, alright,” he rushes out all at once, his irritation fake. “We can watch whatever movie or movie series you want, not my choice at all.” It hits her that this is another quality time thing, just like her book, and her heart beats in quick succession at the realization. 

Gina presses her lips together, hiding her true reaction to avoid another staring contest. “Eej.” She rests a hand on his knee. “I’ve been waiting for that all summer long.”

Immediately he rolls his eyes but leaves her hand there. “Yeah, yeah, MCU-hater. You know you’re in the minority about that, right?”

“I never said I hated it.”

“Your jokes say otherwise.” She’s opening her mouth to protest when he waves his arms around and holds out one of the gifts. “Just—go. Open it, that’s the second thing, come on.”

“O kay.” Gina shoots him a curious smile as she tears through the tape on the top of the box. “Did college somehow make you more impatient?”  He scoffs but doesn’t respond otherwise, so she continues tugging the wrapping paper down until she can lift open the flaps. And inside is a shining, silver trophy engraved with the caption Gina Porter: Leading Lady.

She’s too stunned to say much of anything, so he takes that as the perfect opportunity to get to his feet, find his shoes, remind her not to open the other thing, and step out to his car for another gift. She sees all of it happen in front of her but it doesn’t register properly. Not when the trophy sits on the coffee table, winking at her in the blinking Christmas tree lights.

She didn’t tell EJ about her wall of trophies and awards that moved with her from house to house with her mom. She’s put a couple up here now, in her home, but most sit tucked away in a bin in her closet. It’s not that they don’t mean anything to her anymore, but they represent a life of relocation and loneliness that she never wants to go back to. Not now that she has East High.

And this trophy he got her, with Leading Lady engraved into it like it’s a fact instead of a musical allusion? That resembles home to her too. It resembles her taking charge of her life even outside of musicals, whether she’s a lead or a supporting role. It resembles how irreplaceable her presence is with the Wildcats now. It represents yet another time EJ Caswell anticipated her needs without her asking and absolutely floors her with his thoughtfulness. And she loves him for it. She’s glad they can say that to each other now without fear of repercussions.

Gina sits up so her feet are under her, smiling to herself and her head swimming with the possibilities. EJ’s been inside for over an hour and a half at this point and the rest of the presents he brought had sat (decently) wrapped under the tree, so whatever he’s left in the car must not be able to be wrapped. Or he genuinely forgot—if so, she’s more than prepared to make fun of him for it.

She’s smiling at the thought when the door creaks open and she turns before he can tell her not to, at which point her breath hitches. 

“Gi, did I say turn around?” he teases, but her gaze is fixed on the small bouquet of white roses in his hand. 

It’s not like she hasn’t been given flowers before. Her mom did so whenever she was able to make one of her shows, just another one of their traditions. And EJ did send her one in the gift basket, now that she’s thinking about it. But there’s something different about a whole bouquet on Christmas Day, especially when he’s delivering it himself.

“Congratulations, Ms. Julia Sullivan,” he says with a flourish, handing her the bouquet over the back of the couch. Her fingers linger on his when she takes it, her smile radiant.

“You are on a roll today, aren’t you?” she says in an attempt to mask her ever-present surprise. 

He settles back on the couch, a little closer but still too far apart. “Still got one more thing, don’t get ahead of ourselves.” He switches out the flowers and the trophy for the last present, putting the opened gifts on the table.

Gina looks up at him with narrowed eyes. “Am I going to get pricked by this too?” 

EJ laughter practically envelops her, surrounding her in a bubble of happiness. “I didn’t wrap another rose, Gina.”

“Hey, you gave me one opening night,” she recalls, suspecting her eyes are twinkling when she looks at him. It’s hard not to be awed by his continued efforts. “I wouldn’t put it past you.”

“Yeah, because roses come in rectangles,” he snorts. “Just open it.”

Finally she unwraps the last present, raising her eyes to meet his as soon as she recognizes it. It’s Salt Lake City's Parks & Rec-produced DVD of the musical. EJ lifts a shoulder and puts a hand out, motioning to the DVD. “That’s more for me, actually, so I can watch you perform.”

He looks slightly sheepish now, just like she did earlier, and Gina knows she’s staring at him without replying but her heart feels like it’s about to beat out of her chest. He’s right, it’s less of a gift for her and more of a gift for him, but the fact that he went out of his way to buy a copy to support her? When he’d already sent the gift basket, the good luck messages, hyped her up over text and FaceTime and just by being EJ? It’s unbelievably thoughtful and she’s speechless at the gesture. She has just enough composure to lean out and place the DVD on the coffee table beside the other presents before thanking him.

Gina scoots forward until her arms can wind themselves around him and she’s able to nuzzle her face into the crook of his neck, his arms slipping around her waist as she does so. It’s probably the calmest hug she’s ever given him, especially considering all the times she practically jumps him in public. She fights a giggle at the thought and just tucks herself against him more securely. EJ exhales at the nape of her neck and she feels goosebumps prickle in the best way possible. She feels entirely content in EJ’s arms right now.

When she pulls back, her arms are still looped around his neck as she announces, “We’re watching that for the IOU.”

He raises his eyebrows, surprise and amusement crossing his face. “We are?”

“I want your expert commentary.” She’s only half-teasing and her smile communicates that. She hops up to put in the DVD as he clears the couch off and tosses out the wrapping paper, the domesticity working in their favor as they’re ready to go in under five minutes.

Gina doesn’t bother with any pretenses; she’s fully snuggling into his side, the blanket they’re sharing almost as comfortable as EJ’s arm around her. She gets up once to dance along to ‘All About the Green,’ but after that they slowly start to doze off, both too warm to fight it. Neither of them wakes up until Ricky rings the doorbell an hour later. 

A couple of days later Ashlyn insists on having a girls’ day, meaning she successfully kicks EJ out of the house for an entire twenty-four hours. He’s only slept on the couch once so far but he might as well be living at their house instead of his own for winter break.

Gina wouldn’t have minded if he milled around by himself, left to his own devices and to judge what she has left in the DVR (they had a thirty-minute argument about it the other night over the phone, because he was still thinking about it after he left), but she’s also excited for the catch-up time with her roommate. She never really has a chance to truly miss Ash since they’re always around each other—at home, at school, after school. She’s always down for a nail painting party, though.

“Is Big Red having withdrawals today?” Gina teases, holding out a hand so the light catches it just right.

Ashlyn smiles and shakes her head a little. “Maybe. Nothing like EJ, though. I swear that man forgets he doesn’t live here.”

“That child, you mean.” 

Ash points the nail brush at her, watching so it doesn’t drip onto her comforter. “Precisely.”

“Nineteen-year-old baby.”

“The best we have.”

Gina chuckles. “Oh, obviously.” Her phone buzzes once, pauses, and then two more times. She knows that’s EJ’s text tone in vibration form and she smiles, focusing on her nails. Leave it to him to sense when he’s being mentioned.

Ashlyn nudges Gina's phone with her socked foot, a smile playing at her lips. “Is that Ricky? How’s he doing with his mom?”

Gina flexes her fingers. Is gold really her color? “No, pretty sure it’s EJ. But Ricky’s doing better I think. Definitely less upset than the last time he visited, that’s for sure.” She contributes most of that to the therapist, although he’s only seeing them monthly now.

Ash makes a hum of acknowledgment. “I never asked: what’d he get you for Christmas?”

Gina nods to the side without fully lifting her head, careful with how she’s holding the nail polish. “It’s over there. Next to the dresser.”

The ‘it’ in question is a heart-shaped box of chocolates and some high-quality resistance bands. Gina’s not quite sure what she expected to receive—they have only been dating for just over two months at this point—but she’s confident under no circumstances would she like the chocolates. Ricky explained it’s to make up for Valentine’s Day earlier in the year, the whole brushing it off thing as well as not sending them when she was upset, and the thought is there. It is explicitly clear, too, in the short note he left. And Gina still kind of hates it.

The resistance bands are another story, albeit shorter. She’ll absolutely use them but she can’t recall ever mentioning her workout routines to Ricky, not even in passing. His presents for her seemed even weirder next to her presents for him: a complete collection of knitted hats, a different color for each day of the week. She made sure they would fit right this time around, too. 

All of this swirls around in her head when Ashlyn eyes the gifts leaning haphazardly against the wall. There’s a long pause before she tilts her head at Gina, a question in her gaze before she asks, “Did you ask for those? The bands?”

Gina puts out a hand. “Well, no, but I do work out here and there. For dance and all. Gotta stay limber.”

It’s not like Ash is purposely being this judgmental, which somehow makes it all worse. Her genuine reaction is to scrunch up her face and offer a thumbs up. Gina can’t avoid it even with her head angled low. “Romantic,” Ashlyn says, and god it’s really bad, isn’t it?

Gina doesn’t recount how she and Ricky saw each other for maybe twenty minutes on Christmas Day before he had to duck out to make the flight to his mom’s. They exchanged gifts, awkwardly joked about them, discussed his mom for a solid ten minutes as if that hadn’t been a topic for the past two weeks, and then he kissed her cheek and rushed out, reminding her he’d be back for New Year’s Eve. None of that exactly screamed romance in Gina’s book. She wasn’t willing to examine why then, and she’s not ready to examine why now either.

She does, however, decide to just bite the bullet and get it over with. She knows what Ashlyn’s getting at. “Look,” she starts, holding the nail polish bottle in between her crossed legs. “I know it’s not a—a trophy or a bouquet or anything like EJ did, but that’s him showing his support, you know? He couldn’t be there for the show so he got me that, and he got you that amazing Angie veil too, which is so sweet.” 

Gina’s still kind of in shock, actually, at the amount of thought and effort that went into their gifts. Not that EJ could be so attentive but that he never ever makes a misstep. He’s always this same level of caring and it continues to astonish her in the best way.

She pulls herself out of her thoughts enough to say, “But Ricky was already part of the show, you know? So why would he—” Aaaand suddenly she’s very aware of how Ashlyn is looking at her, like everything she just said incriminated her more than anything Ash asked possibly could. Gina poses carefully, “What?”

Ash presses her lips together. She points to the chocolates on the front of the box. “I was going to say you don’t like dark chocolate.”

If she were any less of an actress then she’s sure her face would flame immediately. As it is, she manages to blink for a moment to compose herself. She doesn’t think it works very well. “...it’s assorted.”

“Ah.”

The conversation drops off after that, thankfully, but Gina does glance at her text messages a few minutes later once her nails dry. The most recent is EJ ten minutes ago (as suspected) with a simple, “i’m starting to suspect you only keep me around bc i SHOWER you w compliments.” Three threads below that is Ricky two days ago. All it says is, “brb todd is asking me about dinner. Talk soon?” She remembers she meant to respond to it and then a few hours passed by and she let it sit there instead.

With a very distinct sinking feeling in her stomach, she acknowledges that just because she doesn’t want to examine things doesn’t mean she hasn’t started to.

New Year’s Eve culminates in another party at their house, and for one night Gina feels like everything can be right in the world.

EJ arrives early for once, immediately being put to work hanging the highest of streamers that Gina’s just out of reach for. It quickly turns into him wrapping her up in it instead and then Ashlyn nixes that particular decoration altogether, banishing them to do separate parts of the house. She’s definitely reliving the Harry Potter movie nights.

People start trickling in ten minutes before eight, showcasing who’s more punctual than others. Nini, Seb, and Carlos are the earliest by far, arriving within minutes of each other. Big Red gets there at eight on the dot, Ricky trailing behind him into the house. He moves to hug Gina before heading for the food and making an offhanded comment to EJ about them both being on time for once. 

Kourtney and Howie are a whopping forty minutes late, giggling to themselves and attached at the hip so much that no one feels comfortable asking why they were late in the first place, but the real attention immediately goes to Miss Jenn and Mr. Mazzara. They don’t arrive in the same car or anything, but Natalie pulls up around the same time and informs them Mazzara drove right behind Miss Jenn and then waited in his car for five minutes before entering. Carlos sprints off to do some recon.

EJ’s automatically volunteered to check out Mr. Mazzara’s side of the story, so Gina latches onto his arm and heads over as well to make it look more like they just stumble upon him. EJ gets out two words—the two words being “Miss” and “Jenn”—and Mazzara books it to the bathroom. Everyone makes it a point to blame EJ for the next two hours despite Carlos getting nowhere either.

From then on, it feels like a normal party. Gina doesn’t know when Ash put up a dartboard in the corner of the room; all she knows is it only takes twenty minutes since EJ notices it to absolutely demolish it. “Guess those archery lessons were worth the money,” she quips, applauding him slowly with an appraising look.

After losing to him for the third time in a row, Howie loudly suggests a round of Uno instead, which is quite possibly the only thing worse than darts and EJ. Gina still settles next to EJ around the coffee table, their friends filling in the other spaces quickly. She notices Ricky start to head her way until Seb takes the open seat beside her. He winds up on the opposite side of the circle making faces at her.

It’s terrible just as she expected. Gina and Carlos are the most competitive, hands down, ruthlessly throwing down draw fours and stacking plus twos like nobody’s business. Ashlyn calls her out for “giving poor Seb an anxiety attack!” which, okay, she might be going to hell for battering Seb as hard as she is.

“I can’t just abandon my strategy, Ash!” she defends, throwing a heavy look EJ’s way. “Not with this menace next to me.” Both EJ and Ricky tend to adopt the ‘only there to irritate everyone’ method. Neither of them ever win, but they are the sanest by the end of it.

Ash and Nini seem perfectly fine for the majority of the time unless things get too heated (they do; Mr. Mazzara escorts Miss Jenn into the kitchen to escape the influx of profanity). Seb outright refuses to use any intense cards resulting in a full deck in his hands. Gina only adds to it whenever they go clockwise for too long.

Perhaps the most frustrating is how Big Red and Kourtney win every single time without fail. EJ teases Gina when she and Carlos let out simultaneous guttural screams; she directs all the cards to him to shuffle as punishment for making fun of her. Only then does the attention shift over to Howie, pressed against one of the couch’s arms, his pupils blown.

“You alright, Howie?” Kourt asks happily, rubbing his shoulder. She won this round.

Howie just shakes his head slowly as if coming out of a stupor. “What the hell is wrong with East High?”

There are glimpses, Gina realizes as the hours pass, of the blank expression EJ would sometimes slip into over FaceTime before correcting it. The look anytime she got too openly sentimental about missing him, dragging him along in her misery. The emptiness he emanated on Halloween. The way he shut down during their college talk—because no matter how minuscule it was or that he promised to tell her when he was ready, he did shut down. They’re all fleeting moments that everyone else seems to gloss over, but she’s so finely tuned to all things EJ that she notices. Again and again.

Gina’s trying to find a good time to ask him what’s up when she sees him enter the kitchen by himself. She waits a moment before following, keeping her footsteps light so as not to alert him. It means she catches him staring into the sink for a long moment after dropping some plates off, and that’s enough of a blessing for her to sidle up next to him and put a hand on his back. He doesn’t jump, just twitches at the contact before seeing it’s her. He definitely zoned out. “You good, Eej?”

It’s a simple question, such an easy thing to lie to, and yet… EJ stares for a second before sighing and shaking his head, his jaw clenched. She doesn’t glance back at anyone in the living room to see if they’re watching or in need of refills, she just gestures to the back door and gently pulls him along by the sleeve of his jacket.

Gina gingerly steps out onto the back porch, sidestepping a fallen clump of snow. She feels just the beginning of a shiver coming on when EJ hands her his jacket. Their fingers brush as she takes it, and she smiles despite her concern. They settle on the swing, a healthy distance between them—it only tips her off more to something being wrong. She can’t remember the last time they sat beside each other without a leg or a shoulder touching.

She waits a full minute, focusing on their clouds of breath in the cold air. She exhales at the same time he inhales and vice versa. Their hands are clasped in their laps, her left hand on top of her right and his right on top of his left. She’s willing to bet they’re looking at mirrored points of the yard, too. They’re as in sync as they’ve ever been, except for what he’s keeping from her right now.

She opens her mouth to prompt him when he says, voice so quiet it nearly gets lost in the little wind sweeping over them, “I’m not happy at NYU.”

Gina feels her jaw tighten, her hands clench a little harder. She knew it. She knew he was homesick, and stuck in his apartment a lot, and he’s only just telling her this now. She swallows down the thick emotions coating her throat to say, “You made it sound like you were just homesick the other week.”

EJ scoffs. Not harshly, not in a rude way, but more aimed at himself. “Yeah, I think I’ve been trying to convince myself of that as soon as November started. Focused on thinking about missing Thanksgiving but coming back for Christmas and New Year’s, thought maybe as soon as I was home the feeling would go away.”

Her stomach has turned to lead at the mention of Thanksgiving. He was never coming home for that, but it’s still his favorite holiday. She really wishes she got to watch EJ Caswell all happy-go-lucky over a cooked turkey. “But it didn’t.”

“It didn’t.” He shifts and the swing moves sideways for a moment. It’s a chore to keep her eyes trained straight ahead, knowing he feels vulnerable enough without her gaze boring holes into him. But god does she want to look at him. 

“What’s wrong with New York?”

A trembling sigh passes his lips. She feels it in her bones. “You’re… None of you are out there. It’s unfamiliar terrain, and maybe I would’ve excelled at that before actually making friends in the drama club, but now?” He clears his throat audibly. “I just miss everyone and everything a lot.”

Gina has to pause to unclasp her hands, her fingertips having gone white. “Eej, that does sound like homesickness,” she says quietly, but she knows it’s more than that. She just needs him to let her in like he always does.

“Small fish, Gi.”

She shuts her eyes. “Big pond.”

“And you’d think big ponds have more opportunities, which they do, but not for small fish.” She wants to push. She wants to ask for more details, for some elaboration on how The EJ Caswell has been this battered down over the course of four months. She wants to understand exactly why he’s hurting so she knows how to fix it. And then he says, “Auditions for The Music Man were right before finals and I didn’t get in.”

Her eyes fly open at that, and she’s turning to face him before she can rein in her reaction. He’s not looking at her so her gaze flickers over his side profile. He looks just as forlorn as he sounds. “You didn’t?”

He nods. “Nothing.”

Gina opens and closes her mouth a couple of times before managing, “But this is your first audition for a college production, right? Maybe they went right for the seniors—”

“No, there’s something I didn’t tell you.” Now it’s his turn to face her, their knees brushing. EJ doesn’t quite make eye contact but he doesn’t actively avoid it either. “We did Clue: The Musical this semester and I was Mr. Boddy’s understudy.”

The admission nearly gives her whiplash, not only at how he hid an entire musical from her but also— “The understudy,” she says blankly, eyebrows knit together.

“Yep.”

“For—”

“A literal dead body most of the show? Yeah.” EJ sighs and lets his head dip forward for a second before finally looking her in the eyes. “No one threw around shit like ‘no emotional connection to the material’ this time, but I saw half of those people try out and they—they didn’t care about getting a role, Gina.” He’s exasperated now, his hands flying. “They just wanted something easy to pass the time and I’m there, trying to get back into the one thing that always makes me feel at home and—”

“Hey, hey.” She catches his hands with hers, shuffling closer on the swing. Her knee’s partially tucked under his now. “Breathe, Eej. Just breathe.” They spend the next twenty seconds evening out his breathing together, her eyes never once leaving his. Her heart feels like it’s breaking in two.

The thing is, she doesn’t know how to help him navigate a world that doesn’t recognize his talent because she’s never once been a part of it. She’s unsure how anyone could watch him perform for more than two seconds and not understand just what he’s capable of, just how much time and effort he’ll put into learning his character, just how lucky they are to even have him audition. And she knows saying all of this could instill confidence in him or at least let him know that she has confidence in him, but it all boils down to NYU, doesn’t it? The new location, the new people, the distance, the Aly of it all. This whole musical debacle only adds to the issue; it didn’t create it.

“It might not always be like this,” she decides on, the words slipping out before she’s fully analyzed if they’ll be helpful. She makes sure he’s looking at her when she says it. “Last year around this time we both found our places here, right? College just might take more time. It won’t always be like this.”

The way he looks at her feels like a hand closes around her heart. She’s no stranger to his emotions, even the less desirable ones from when they were partners in crime, but this is a completely different expression. His eyes are open but it feels like he’s staring straight through her, stuck on a fixed point that’s holding him captive. He exhales, the breath hanging between them before he asks, “And what if it is?”

Gina feels her lip begin to tremble right before she says, “Come here,” and guides his head onto her shoulder, cradling him. Shielding him from the emotions plaguing him, from the hurt, from the homesickness. He’s not crying, not quite, but she feels his breath hitch and his fingers encircle her waist and the mere fact that he’s falling into her like this after a semester of playing tough tells her enough. EJ is not okay. He hasn’t been for a while now.

She doesn’t know what to say to make it better. She doesn’t want to encourage him to drop out, or to transfer to somewhere closer to home. She doesn’t know the logistics of the Menkies scholarship or if this would end up doing more harm than good. All she can do is murmur into his hair, “We’re all here for you. We all love you so, so much. Please don’t shut us out.”

And if he wasn’t on the verge of tears before then the way he pulls her closer means he is now, clutching at her like a lifeline. Gina gasps out a silent sob of her own, her vision blurring at his vulnerability. She’s never felt worse.

It’s because of this that she misses the movement at the door at first. Eventually she catches a flicker of red and shifts her gaze over to see Ashlyn in the doorway. She looks caught off guard and distraught at the scene in front of her, but her hand is holding the door frame like she has an agenda.

Gina croaks out, sounding like she hasn’t spoken in years, “We’ll be back inside in a bit, Ash.” She adds the name just so EJ knows he doesn’t have to clam up. She hopes he wouldn’t no matter who was at the door.

Ash nods, her eyes focused on her cousin, visibly concerned. But she still says, “Gina, it’s past midnight.”

Maybe it’s the cold or the crumbling EJ in her arms, but Gina has no clue what she’s supposed to make of that statement. She lives here and EJ stays over often enough; is the party winding down? Was someone leaving at midnight and she missed saying goodbye? Her arms stay wrapped around EJ, her face likely showing all the confusion she feels.

Ashlyn doesn’t look frustrated at all, more knowing as she says slowly, “Ricky was looking for you.”

And suddenly it clicks: the countdown. The kiss. EJ’s lifting his head, five seconds away from apologizing for taking away time with her boyfriend, but Gina can only hear how clear her heartbeat is, how sturdy her stomach is. There’s no turning, no sudden drops, no nothing. All she can say is “Oh” as she realizes it hadn’t occurred to her to spend the night with Ricky at all, not when EJ was home. Not when he needed her.

Chapter Text

That’s a fun conversation to have with Ricky. 

He doesn’t approach her at the party about it, not when she and EJ emerge ten minutes after the fact because they’re both visibly upset. He doesn’t approach her the very next day either, not after everyone has left and she’s gotten a solid five hours of rest and then has to help clean up. He doesn’t even approach it that night, not when it’s EJ’s last day and the group is once again sending him off. They choose a regular pizza party at Salt Lake Slices this time around. 

No, Ricky waits until the next day, the final day of winter break before second semester starts, and Gina knows from the moment she enters his apartment that it’s the beginning of the end. Hell, they’re probably in the middle of it by this point. 

He just asked her to hang out before school starts, but considering it’s the first time they’re alone since… probably some point during the party, and if not then Christmas Day for twenty minutes, Gina knows what it’s about. Ricky’s gotten a lot better about addressing problems but this particular one she is so over with.

It’s always EJ, EJ, EJ, whether he’s willing to admit it or not. And she’s so fucking done. She knows if it were Ash she was FaceTiming and texting back and forth there would be no problem, but because it’s EJ Ricky has all the issues in the world. She knows EJ’s a prominent presence in her life. She knows he’s attractive, and caring, and probably the best person she’s ever met if she’s being truthful. But she also knows they’re best friends. That’s it.

Gina doesn’t come out the gate swinging with this though. She sits down on the couch next to Ricky—’next to’ being used loosely. There’s so much distance at least two people could squeeze between them—unzips her coat but doesn’t remove it, and faces inward, waiting. He wants to talk so he can be the one to start.

“How’re you doing?” God, does he ever get better talking to her? Seriously? Ricky adds on, like an afterthought, “Since EJ flew back yesterday.”

She swallows the sudden lump in her throat and tries to be way more nonchalant than she feels. “I’m fine. He texted me he got there alright.” 

How is she doing? The question is so loaded she’s not even sure where she would start if she were being serious. How is she supposed to be doing? Perfectly fine without her best friend around, especially now that she knows he’s hurting at college? Throwing another party in his wake, celebrating? Ricky’s literally friends with EJ and he can’t grasp at all how the world tilts on its axis just a little bit every time EJ leaves Salt Lake. Ash gets it to a degree. Gina feels it in full force, EJ’s homesickness and displacement hitting her like a ton of bricks.

But Ricky doesn’t actually want to know that. He wanted her to say how dejected she was, how lonely she feels even when she’s surrounded by all her friends because one person is missing, so he could jump on that to prove his point. The worst part is, as screwed up as that tactic is, she doesn’t think it’s coming from a place of hurt. He just wants to piggyback off of something tangible rather than his own conclusions.

So Gina waves a hand in the air and says, “Just—start talking about the party, please, this is way too awkward otherwise.”

Ricky sighs, clearly grateful she took the weight off him. “Okay, okay. Well.” He clasps his hands together and tilts his head. “You disappeared like five minutes before midnight and after looking I realize, oh, EJ’s gone too. So I ask around, figuring you’re together, and then midnight hits. You’re still nowhere to be found.” He makes an uncertain noise. “And then you both show up ten minutes later with no explanation at all? At such a—a specific time?”

Gina cuts her eyes at him. “It wasn’t like that at all.”

“Then explain it to me.”

“I can’t.” He looks unimpressed, so she bends a little. “That’s not my place to say, but it was a serious conversation, alright? Nothing like you’re probably thinking of, which is fucked by the way.”

It’s a little more honest than she meant to be in the moment, showing her frustration like that. But it’s obvious Ricky’s going to keep beating around the bush instead of addressing his assumptions head-on, leaving Gina to do the heavy lifting. Just like HSM’s opening night. And Carlos’s quinceañero. And her facial expression prompting him to clarify he was asking her out. It’s all kind of exhausting now that she thinks about it.

She doesn’t want to be exhausted in a relationship or underwhelmed as she has been.

“Look, I’m sorry for missing it, okay?” Gina acquiesces after a long silence, knowing she needs to say that much. But he’s not getting a bigger apology beyond that. “But it’s not like I did it on purpose or—or for any nefarious reasons or whatever. I wasn’t even watching the time.”

It feels weird to be having this argument in his apartment, sitting on the couch like they’re not in two separate places. Gina suddenly remembers Valentine’s Day, and then the chocolates, and then Christmas’s chocolates and she feels sick. 

“I know it’s not actually a big deal but it feels like it is, alright?” Ricky says, leaning into his elbows resting on his knees like if he gets closer she’ll agree faster. She knows what he’s hinting at even if he’s not saying it, even if he’s hiding behind a random tradition to get the point across. She just wishes he’d say it so she could—debunk it? Depending on how he phrases it, she’s not sure she’ll disagree.

“What do you want from me, exactly?” She doesn’t mean for it to come out as stiff as it does, like an ultimatum he needs to deliver on or they’re done. So she elaborates. “Helping a friend is important to me and I know it’s important to you too, so what is this? If you have something else to say, then now’s the time.”

She feels like he has to know the opening she’s giving him because this can’t just be about a stupid NYE’s tradition. Ricky confirms it by hesitating a long moment, eventually groaning and tossing his head back. “Gi, I understand, but it’s clear we’re not gonna see eye-to-eye on this.”

Gina puts her arms out. “No kidding.”

“What if we… What if we table this? Just until after auditions.”

It sounds like a copout, honestly, but it’s one she’s alright with. She doesn’t need to be focusing on this or sensing his irritation tomorrow during their first day back, not when she needs to focus on perfecting her take on Mary Poppins—a show that was ironically announced to the drama club while she and EJ were outside at the party. 

It doesn’t really matter whatever happens after auditions in two days because the musical high she’ll be on will wash any ill feelings away. So Gina agrees, even knowing they’re postponing the inevitable. Ricky nods and tells her she can go if she wants, like he knows the same.

And it’s weird for her to grasp just how normal it feels to be on the verge of breaking up with Ricky Bowen. Believing he liked her was harder to handle than this. She leaves his apartment knowing they’re still together but probably not for long, and it doesn’t bother her one bit. Not now that she knows whatever she felt for him last year is long gone and she didn’t miss out on anything extraordinary like she used to feel. It’s almost freeing. 

In the moments leading up to auditions Gina and Ricky act pretty normal, except it’s a normal she associates more with friends, which—okay, yeah, she can admit that feels much more natural with him than trying to date him. It’s almost tempting enough to call things off before they head to the auditorium, but they have a deal and he’s clearly not trying to salvage something neither of them wants, so she holds off.

They’re at the bottom of the stairwell making small talk—literally. She’s pretty sure he’s brought up the weather three times now—waiting with everyone else spread out in the hallway for Miss Jenn to stop by and unlock the doors when EJ calls. And Gina knows there’s a change in her behavior because she’s bored out of her mind before her phone rings and then she’s immediately grinning so hard her face starts to hurt. 

“Hey, wait, I’ve gotta take this. I know he’s got a class starting soon and I don’t want to miss it,” Gina announces to Ricky, waiting for a moment of acknowledgment before answering. She’s not sure it makes a difference.

She’s right about EJ’s schedule though, because the second the call connects she sees him standing in a hallway much like she is. The smile that breaks across her face is completely involuntary. “Hello, Mr. Caswell.”

“Good afternoon, Ms. Porter,” he greets, throwing the role back at her perfectly. He’s grinning as well. “A little birdy told me it’s almost time for auditions.”

Gina texted him about it on and off throughout the day, but not since school let out. She tilts her head and asks, “Ashlyn?”

He laughs. “Big Red, actually.”

Ricky shifts at that, so Gina swivels the camera over to him. “Is he nervous?” he asks, eyebrows drawing together. “This is his first time going out for a big role.”

If EJ’s surprised to see Ricky during their FaceTime—because that never happens. Gina’s the one crashing Ash’s calls with EJ, not the other way around or anything similar—he doesn’t let it show. He just shrugs. “We don’t text very often, honestly. I just got the vibe he wanted some encouragement from someone who wasn’t as in the loop, you know?”

Gina snorts, eclipsing whatever seriousness had snuck into the conversation. Ricky’s looking at her now, but EJ’s grinning and she focuses on that instead of the embarrassment threatening to tug her down. “I guess he doesn’t realize I’ve given you hourly rundowns on all things musical then?”

EJ bites at his bottom lip. “No, I’d guess not.”

She shakes her head. “Poor guy got duped.”

“He has nothing to worry about. Which brings me to my actual reason for calling,” he starts, pushing away from the wall. Gina sees people entering the classroom he’s outside of. “I just wanted to tell you to break a leg and bring that Gina Porter charm.”

The fondness she feels for him in that moment practically runs through her veins, overflowing her body and her brain and anything other than the part of her that completely adores him. Gina tamps down a smile to quip, “As usual, you mean.”

“Yes, as usual. My bad.” The small smile he’s giving her makes her think he knows how much this means to her even if she’s not saying it. 

That flips a switch in her brain onto him and his well-being, though, so she forces her admiration for him to the back of her mind and asks, “You have stage crew shit to run tonight, right?” 

That had been Ash’s suggestion as soon as they told her about EJ’s breakdown on New Year’s Eve. Gina had worried it’d strike too close to home, being at Music Man rehearsals but not for the role he wanted, but EJ had made it a point to try anyway. So far it’s seemed to help a little bit.

EJ nods, only looking slightly uncomfortable at the topic. “I do. Seven to ten, just running through the basics for the newbies.” He’s stopped hiding his emotions when it comes to how he feels about college, so the fact that she can tell he’s not 100% into it yet is actually relieving.

Gina can’t help the smirk that creeps onto her face. “Well, then you should be fine, A/V Club President.” 

He smiles back. “We’ll see.”

“Call me when you’re out, okay? I don’t care how late it is.” 

“Yeah, yeah. You’re taking after me and Ash too much with your sleep schedule.”

“Or lack thereof,” she admits, the smirk twitching. She sees the auditorium doors open now, Carlos, Seb, and Kourtney disappearing inside before anyone else has a chance to react. She glances over at Ricky to make sure he’s noticed too, says, “Gotta go, have fun in class!” and leans down to shoulder her bag.

“Good luck, Gi! Not that you need it.” The last thing she sees before they disconnect is his wide smile and sparkling eyes, and it strikes her that he always looks at her like that. Like she’s something to be in awe of, to celebrate. It sets her chest on fire.

Ricky doesn’t say anything as they head into the auditorium, but that’s alright. She’s not thinking about the conversation they need to have anyway.

࿏

Despite Ricky’s clear attitude, EJ’s luck sticks with her throughout auditions. She genuinely thinks she gives her best performance ever on that stage, pep in her step and a blinding smile on her face. That’s what he does for her.

Gina sits with Ash for the most part, letting Big Red be with Ricky in lieu of whatever conversation they’ll be having after auditions are over. Gina’s sure they both know where this is headed; she can only hope it’s a quick breakup, because dragging this shit out while waiting for the cast list won’t help.

All of her friends have prepared just as much as she did. She can’t pick out who’ll get what role even if she tries—aside from Big Red, that is. As soon as he starts tapping up there she knows he’ll be Bert. Ashlyn is beaming and nudging Gina, clearly thinking the same thing. It’s even more amusing once Gina realizes Ash could potentially be a lead alongside her boyfriend. 

Yeah, Gina would like to be Mary Poppins, but she was the lead last semester. She’s not getting her hopes up or getting all 1.0. She reassures herself of this by scrolling through Lily’s Instagram account in between auditions. After so long, a text from EJ pops up.

just got out of class. how’re auditions going?

fantastic. everyone is amazing eej, like i have no clue how this’ll go

did you go already?

pffft yk i volunteered to go first

i mean, that was my guess.

you are gina porter: leading lady.

i love you beyond belief

the luck is appreciated, i think i did really well

you don’t have to convince me; you’re never anything less than stellar.

Ash nudges her in the side again, motioning up onstage. Ricky’s going now, auditioning for—Robertson Ay? Gina didn’t even know that was a role he was aware of. His musical theatre knowledge is still very limited, even about Mary Poppins.

She’s so lost in her thoughts that it takes her a while to realize Ashlyn got her attention because Ricky’s her boyfriend. She contemplates telling her that it’s not for much longer, but instead she closes her conversation with EJ and relaxes in her seat to watch. That can wait. Cheering on her friends is the priority right now.

࿏ 

Ricky, continuing with his wonderful timing, waits exactly thirty minutes after they’ve been kicked out of the auditorium and Gina’s post-audition anxiety has kicked in to suggest they talk.

“When you said we’d talk after auditions I thought you meant, you know, after auditions,” Gina says, not even trying to hide how miffed she is at this. She supposes a distraction from the impending cast list might be helpful to some people, maybe even to her, but not when it’s this type of distraction. “Like, after we left the school?”

He puts his hands out and stops at the far end of the hallway. They can still see the auditorium doors but they’re far enough from their friends that unless they start screaming there’s still a semblance of privacy. “Yeah, I was gonna do that but I—my mind’s kind of been spinning since before auditions even started, so I don’t really see the point in waiting. Do you?”

Gina just looks at him and wonders how badly this would hit her if she felt more for him. If she felt anything for him anymore, honestly. Instead she just shrugs and tells him, “Say it.”

It’s an unintentional callback to HSM’s opening night, but the way it invigorates her to throw the same line back at him makes her wonder if subconsciously she’d been waiting. He blinks for a moment, visibly caught off guard and registering the déjà vu himself and yeah, she’s glad she got to use that on him, even when a moment later he says, “I think we should break up.”

If there was any chance she was burying her disappointment, the nothingness that washes over her clarifies it for her. She’s not upset at all. In fact, she’s relieved, the freeing feeling beginning to course through her again.

“Should we discuss, like, why, or is that it?” she asks, more to cover her bases than anything. Ricky’s ‘break’ with Nini last summer was barely a breakup, and although she’s not torn apart by this turn of events, she doesn’t want to think back on something like that when remembering her first breakup.

But Ricky just looks at her and blinks. “Are—Are you serious?”

That should tell her to drop it, but she doesn’t. Gina lifts her chin up and says, “Yeah, I’m serious.”

He’s silent for a second before shaking his head and fumbling his way through an explanation. “Look, I don’t want to get into another fight or anything, but it’s EJ. Or you and EJ, I guess. You’re just—so—he called you earlier and it was like I wasn’t even in the room, like… god, I don’t know how to…” Gina doesn’t try to interject, her blood boiling a lot less than it did back at the ski resort because she knows this is the end. It gives Ricky the time to collect his thoughts, eventually tilting his head and getting the words out. “I just don’t like feeling like I come second, you know?”

It’s like a slap in the face, honestly. Gina’s aware her jaw has dropped and she’s staring blankly at him, but what else should he expect when he pulls that line on her? Several painful memories run through her mind then, all from the middle of sophomore year, all about Ricky putting Nini first. Even when they weren’t dating, even when Gina just needed a friend. Even then.

A part of her wants to go 1.0 on him because that is rich. She feels the frustration building inside her, but no anger or disappointment. She’s not upset they’re breaking up, just like she wasn’t sad knowing this was coming. That’s what convinces her to tamp down the voice in her head telling her to call him out for all of his past shit decisions. Maybe if he hadn’t tried as hard as he did during their relationship then she’d feel the need, but now she just feels done.

So she swallows down the urge to fight and clarifies, “You think I’ll always choose EJ first?” He nods after a moment, no anger in the movement, just honesty. It prompts her to be truthful too. She sets her jaw and says, “You’re right. He’s my best friend, and whether he should come before a relationship of mine or not, he does. And that’s just how it is.” 

Saying it aloud fills her with empowerment—and pride. EJ deserves for someone to pick him first. He deserves so much more than what the world’s dealt him recently, and if Gina owning how much she cares about him might help in the slightest then she’s going to do it. She nods once to herself more than Ricky, solidifying her choice. “I think we should break up too.”

The second the words leave her mouth the auditorium doors are thrown open, Carlos keeping everyone at bay as Miss Jenn weaves through the crowd again. Their friends bump into them until Gina’s at least ten feet away from Ricky, which is perfectly fine with her. Neither of them has to awkwardly walk away, even if it was mutual. Instead, she experiences the same tunnel vision as the large group around her, eyes focusing on the words in front of her.

And then Gina’s struck mute for a second time, the breakup getting tossed from her mind as she rushes over to Ashlyn first. 

Gina Porter………Mary Poppins

Big Red Redonovich………Bert

Seb Matthew-Smith………George Banks

Ashlyn Caswell………Winifred Banks

Carlos Rodriguez………Jane Banks

Ricky Bowen………Michael Banks

Kourtney Greene………Mrs. Brill

Walter McCoy………Robertson Ay

“Yeah, and then he decided it was the perfect time to drop the ‘I don’t like feeling like I come second’ line, which is just the icing on the cake, really.”

It’s a couple of days later when Gina recounts the breakup over FaceTime for EJ. She’d texted him after it happened, of course, assuring him she’s fine and even agreed to it, but the main thing she wanted to focus on was how she’s fucking Mary. Poppins. He jumped into congratulating her and hyping her up immediately until she was too keyed up to even think about giving him details right then.

Now it’s eight-thirty on Saturday and they’re folding laundry together as usual. It feels like the pinnacle of a best friend conversation to Gina. She’s never had one before EJ, but something about shit-talking her ex-boyfriend over a domestic as fuck FaceTime call seems to fit the bill.

EJ pulls exactly the kind of face she wanted to in that moment. “Good lord. That’s a dick move.”

Gina barks out a laugh. “You’re telling me.”

“I hope you went Gina 1.0 on him.”

She just shrugs, putting her focus into folding a t-shirt correctly. “Nah, I wanted to, but while he was hypocritical he was also kind of right?”

It doesn’t occur to her that she’s dropped a large piece of information on EJ until he asks, “What do you mean?”

Gina lifts her head and fixes her gaze on his. Normally eye contact doesn’t feel quite as real on FaceTime as it does in person, but something in his expression changes to match the softness of hers and it feels almost too intimate.

“Me?” he says after a moment, barely a whisper. It’s astounding how he can have a more accurate self-image now but still not grasp just how highly she sees him. 

There’s no time to analyze how he says it, how it comes out breathy and unbelieving. So Gina just tries to explain. “I think it really became a thing for him at New Year’s—and don’t even think about apologizing for that, because I wouldn't have left you anyway,” she says sternly, anticipating his next response. She scoffs to herself. “God forbid me not leaving in the middle of an important conversation for some stupid midnight kiss with my boyfriend. He should’ve broken up with me right then.”

She catches herself before it turns into a tangent, but if there’s one thing that bothers her more than the second choice line then it’s gotta be Ricky’s incomprehension about how important that conversation was at midnight. There’s about a zero percent chance EJ’s gone out of his way to explain the reason he was having a breakdown, and Gina stands by her decision not to divulge it either, but even without the details it just makes sense to her. If Ricky really expected her to do something problematic with EJ on New Year’s Eve, then midnight would’ve been the worst possible time. 

“But it got worse at auditions, right before we broke up,” Gina continues, seeing how attentive EJ is and having to look away. The shirt she was folding sits half done, but she doesn’t get back into it. “We were actually talking when you called, if you remember seeing Ricky pissed off or concerned or whatever about Big Red. But I knew you had class soon and I didn’t wanna miss the call and—god, Eej, seriously, that was super sweet. Thank you.”

The second tangent seems to catch him off guard, because he stammers for a moment before saying, “Wishing you luck was never not an option.”

Gina can’t help but smile. Her eyes lift to meet his on their own accord. “And answering the phone was never not an option. First choice. Easy.”

EJ’s expression is clouded with too many emotions for her to decipher, but he does respond in kind. “You’re my first choice, too.” It’s a quiet statement, but it’s full of conviction. There’s no doubt in her mind that he means it.

She laughs lightly. “Yeah, you literally bought me a plane ticket, you don’t have to convince me—”

“You don’t have to keep saying that—”

“No, I’m saying it so you know how much I appreciated it and how—how monumental of a moment it is for me.” Gina keeps her gaze trained on him for a long beat, trying to catalogue whatever he’s feeling. She’s starting to feel overwhelmed herself. “You don’t have to prove to me at all that I’m your first choice, because all your actions tell me anyway.”

It’s a big statement to make, and she gets that. She also means it with every fiber of her being. That’s why she melts when he tells her, “All your actions tell me that too. I promise you that, even if I’m blind.”

She chuckles and shakes her head. “Not blind. Just oblivious.”

“Is there anything else I should know then? Since I’m so oblivious?” The heaviness seems to have passed. EJ’s leaning toward the camera now, his smile so wide his perfect teeth are on display.

Gina humors him, even as something rings at the back of her head. “I can see your folded laundry and it’s still wrong after five months.”

“Shit!”

mental health check

gi.

you don’t have to keep doing this every week, i promise i’m being open w you now. 

babe i’m not even kidding, all trust aside, i want to make sure you’re okay

so

mENTAL HEALTH CHECK

have checked the health mentally. 

is fine. 

i swear. 

do you think stage crew is helping?

i definitely feel more at ease doing something i’m familiar w in an unfamiliar place, yeah. 

hbu, mental health check babe. 

great actually. 

i’m really hyped for musical rehearsals and it’s like. only slightly uncomfortable around ricky but i think that’s more on his end

is he taking it harder than you?

i mean yk i was perfectly fine w breaking up

i think after a lil more time he’ll be good too

but ᖍ(ツ)ᖌ 

c’est la vie

speaking of which, that french class i picked up. 

h e l p.

this is just bc of that airport thing i did isn’t it

😃😃😃

rude

but yes i’ll help

gonna force you to install duolingo on your phone and then i’ll threaten you on top of that bird

which meaaaans…?

i’ll help you study over facetime or laundry or something 

send you audio messages cursing in french so you’ll have to learn

ah, the perfect solution. 

just be lucky it’s not german bc thatd get WILD

HAHA you wouldn’t know what to do w all that power. 

thank you, i love you very much. 

i know :)

ilyt

࿏

just successfully escaped austin before he tried to fling me at a DIFFERENT girl. 

at this point ,, he’s in love w you and denying it

i’m sure i’d be able to tell if that were the case. 

idk people are complicated

denial’s a bitch

well denial aside, he’s straight and so am i. 

hold onto your theories ms. porter. 

😝

oh ym god i don’t think you’ve ever used that emoji before. 

yeah i don’t like it

i’m screenshotting. 

no i’m deleting it

got it. 

EJ

😃

i hate you

you love me. 

shut up

࿏

hey are you busy the fourteenth

…on valentine’s day?

yeah that’s the fourteenth

gi i can’t tell if you’re trying to make a joke or not

bc if you are, it’s at your expense too. 

PFNFK okay no joke, i didn’t know if you were studying or some shit

thanks for agreeing i have no plans. 

eej

you actively avoid any girl that approaches you w interest 

i’m just not willing to get into a relationship when i’m not as into them as i should be. 

hey i’m not judging 

im just saying i KNOW you

which is why, since we both don’t have plans, we should watch black widow together that night

…

gina i’m gonna have a heart attack. 

did you just suggest watching a marvel movie?

with you

that’s the important part 

im going to cry. 

cry over facetime w me sunday okay?

im actually intrigued by black widow and i refuse to watch it if it’s not w you

so clear your blank schedule 

uncalled for.

what did you say the other day?

“you love me”?

i do. 

sunday it is.

Gina’s second Valentine’s Day in Salt Lake is spent largely in preparation for watching Black Widow with EJ. She finds her comfiest pajamas, takes her makeup off beforehand and tosses her hair up into a bun, and gathers as much popcorn as she deems necessary. If she ends up making too much because she forgets EJ’s not actually here, well, that’s just for her to know.

They set up GroupWatch and start the film around eight p.m. for her and ten p.m. for him, their phones nearby so they can FaceTime. EJ insists it’s a good time because he probably wouldn’t go to sleep before midnight anyway, but Gina still feels like she’s enabling his bad habits. She doesn’t get a chance to tease him about that, though, because the second they hit Play EJ shushes her for at least twenty minutes.

It’s different than when he made the whole group watch all of the Iron Mans, when the only thing she cared about was watching how excited he got after each question she asked. Now she’s still thrilled to see how joyful he is, but she’s also genuinely interested in the film. She asks about things here and there to better understand Natasha’s background but for the most part they only make the occasional joke.

Halfway through they take their own intermission. Austin’s hollering to EJ about a folder he misplaced and Gina’s had to pee for the last ten minutes, so it’s perfect timing. She makes it back before he does. She takes this time to clean up the few tissues strewn across her bed and ignore the ungodly amount of popcorn she has left. If she dwells on it for too long she’ll get upset.

That’s still on her mind when he reenters his room, wide-eyed and shaking his head. Gina stifles a laugh and asks, just out of frame, “Did he ruin your Valentine’s Day with whatever the hell that was?”

EJ’s expression shifts from frazzled to delighted at her voice. She can imagine the frustration rolling off him in waves. “Nah, that’s impossible,” he assures her, settling back into his bed. She does the same. “Last year was kind of rough, but this year is…”

Gina thinks he froze for a second, right up until he blinks and she realizes he trailed off on purpose. She shuffles around and waves a hand around. “It’s what?”

He takes a long moment to respond and she’s almost sure he’s going to drop it like he did with all his homesickness last year, or divert the conversation onto something else completely. But she’s actually sure he knows she won’t let him do that now, proven when he finally says, “It’s just—being single doesn’t sting this year, that’s all.”

It’s such a simple sentence and yet it sits heavy in Gina’s chest. Her breath doesn’t catch exactly, but it’s pretty close. She manages to smile and admit, “Same,” but that’s as much as her heart can take. She shifts her attention back to the movie. 

They stay like that for the entire second half, sitting ‘together’ in silence for another hour. It’s not uncomfortable. Really, it’s not. Gina’s more than used to just being with EJ and not having anything to say, the pseudo-proximity almost the same as their regular proximity. The difference here is that the silence is dangerously close to feeling loaded. She doesn’t know what, but she knows there’s something left unsaid. Whether it’s on his end of hers or even both is lost on her.

Gina still catches EJ looking at her instead of the movie sometimes, though, a soft smile on his face and contentment in his eyes. She doesn’t call attention to it because she realizes she’s doing the same thing.

The next week Gina’s focusing on the musical, but not her own lines. She’s heading into practice after school with the sole intention of teaching the dancers ‘Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious’ alongside Carlos, because he’s managed to convince her to be co-choreographers again this semester. It helps that the most demanding number, ‘Step in Time,’ is completely within Big Red’s domain and not theirs. 

They’ve all been hard at work for forty-five minutes when Carlos tells the dancers to practice by themselves for a moment before running it one more time and then a break. Gina can’t express how grateful she is for their work ethic; she knows if they were dealing with Ricky they would’ve had five breaks and half as much done by this time.

Carlos turns his back on the dancers—Gina would be appalled if she didn’t trust them just as much as he does—instead focusing on Gina with an intensity she’s not sure she likes. “I’ve been meaning to ask. How have you been? After… you know.”

It’s a testament to just how unaffected she is that Gina honestly can’t figure out what he means for a solid three seconds. When she realizes she almost laughs. “Oh, I’m fine,” she decides on, putting a hand out. “I like this a lot better than being in a relationship, actually.”

He doesn’t look as shocked as she expects him to be. “So Valentine’s Day wasn’t weird? Especially with the whole—okay, Ashlyn told me about the Christmas chocolates,” he says, voice dropping as he leans closer. “Honestly, I have no clue what goes on in that boy’s head sometimes, I swear.”

She laughs and ducks her head. The chocolates aren’t funny, but Carlos’s outrage and concern is. It’s also really endearing, however unnecessary it is this time around. “Valentine’s Day was fine. EJ and I watched a movie.”

Carlos just blinks. “You and EJ watched a movie.” She nods. “On Valentine’s Day.”

There are about three pirouettes and several chainé turns going in different directions behind him, but Gina knows if she looks away she’s incriminating herself. It feels much like when Ashlyn talked to her after Christmas, except this time she has EJ’s words bouncing around in her head. Being single this year doesn’t sting.

She can’t say that, so she goes for the joke. “I knew we were both available.” She also knows Carlos was out on a romantic date with Seb that night, just like Ashlyn and Big Red were, and Kourtney and Howie. She knows what he’s hinting at but she’s not willing to go there.

It takes a long moment during which Carlos stops blinking entirely, but eventually clears his throat and says, “Well that’s nice. I’m glad it was a good day for you both,” and then pivots to walk the dancers through something else. Gina exhales and tries not to feel like she just dodged a tricky conversation as she rejoins the rehearsal.

[calling: babe 🍚]

[missed call to: babe 🍚]

you call me rn or you’re dead to me

it’s literally 5am why are you awake

wait did i wake you up for once

yes you did, actually. 

omg then you’re skipping class

why are you skipping class

mental health check

good lord gina it’s nothing terrible, i have a cold, woke up halfway through class, and just decided to stay home. 

i’ll be good in like two days. 

even more reason to call me then

and why’s that?

uhhh bc you have time? and i wanna hear your sick voice??

*to make fun of me. you wanna hear my sick voice to make fun of me. 

oh come on you know i’d be making you fuckn soup if you were here, i think i can make fun of you from utah

*sigh* the things i do for gina porter. 

[calling: gina 💃🏾✨]

[call duration: 1hr 57min]

wait but i still don’t know why you were awake. 

oh i passed out at like 6pm yesterday and this was my body just naturally waking me up

…what movie did you watch?

i plead the fifth

you fell asleep on the couch didn’t you?

…in the duke sweatshirt too

HAHA

THERE SHE IS

࿏

[calling: babe 🍚]

[call duration: 47min]

࿏

[calling: babe 🍚]

[call duration: 1hr 20min]

࿏ 

hey call me when you get the chance

two seconds, this lecture’s finishing up. 

[calling: gina 💃🏾✨]

[call duration: 23min]

not that i don’t wanna talk to you, but are you good?

lots of calls recently. 

not to be a baby but no i miss you 

sorry you missed the improv lesson on how to act less like a baby. 

eeeeeeej

i miss you too. 

but still, so many calls. is there anything else going on?

honestly no

like my classes are fine, musical’s fine, i  h a v e pushed that job back to summer but

pffft you’re never getting that job. 

you’re one to talk

oh you wanna go there?

fine. 

i’ll get a summer job when i come back if you do. 

shit now i have to

we better be working at the same place

give me more credit than that. 

of COURSE we’ll be working at the same place. 

salt lake slices?

i’m the future family. 

i’m future family-adjacent

in a way. 

“in a way”

not unless i marry you

alright don’t get carried away. 

brb i’m letting carlos plan the wedding

OFNDJF

HE WOULD

and he’d do a fanTASTIC job

guess we’re getting married now. 

i’ll wait on that ring, babe

but in the meantime

call me more

࿏ 

[calling: gina 💃🏾✨]

[call duration: 4hrs]

for when you wake up: yes you fell asleep, and this is the only time i’ve heard you snore but you still did it. 

holding that over you for the rest of lives. 

and apparently we’re getting married, so. buckle up. 

Gina and Ashlyn have just gotten home from an extra-long rehearsal when Gina’s phone rings, a silly photo of EJ sticking his tongue out filling her screen. Ash is already in her room, so Gina grins and answers the call, tossing her bag aside as she plops onto the couch.

“Hey, Eej—whoa, are you at a party?” His surroundings aren’t as murky and dark like they were back on Halloween, but there’s some light music playing and she definitely sees a couple of red Solo cups. 

EJ, to his credit, looks nothing like he did back in October. His hair is slightly mussed and the way he’s smiling at the camera seems entirely genuine, not closed off like when she mentioned going Trick-or-Treating. “What gave it away?” he asks now, holding a hand up to someone offscreen.

Gina smiles and tilts her head. “The fact that it’s St. Patrick’s Day and—oh yeah, everything going on behind you?”

He laughs. “I promise we’re being responsible.”

“We?” She squints at him through the phone. “Have you been drinking?” It’s a new thought, honestly. She’s only seen Ricky, Kourtney, and Howie drink at a couple of bigger events, but nothing like that goes down at drama club parties. They have too much to focus on as it is.

“I’m only slightly buzzed and I’m stopping now, I promise.”

“He’s telling the truth,” comes another voice, and then an even taller guy enters the frame. From the look EJ gives him it’s clear he’s the one who was supposed to stay away for the moment. “He said you might be calling later and he wanted to be lucid for that, but then we hounded him to call you now.”

Gina feels the beginning of a blush start to creep up her neck. EJ’s face looks similar. She swallows down the feeling and says instead, just to make sure, “Eej. Mental health check?”

That gets a smile. “Just fine, Gi. Swear.”

His friend whistles, “Damn, she asks that?” He tips his cup toward the camera at her. “Kudos to you. That shit’s important.”

He’s walking away before she can respond and then EJ’s twisting to call after him, “Didn’t you want to introduce yourself? Isn’t that what all of you yelled at me about?” He turns back to Gina and offers, “Stage crew party. Apparently I’ve talked about you too much and they feel entitled to meet you, if that’s alright?”

Gina’s grinning immediately. He looks sheepish and concerned that he put her too on the spot, and if she’d been feeling any discomfort it would’ve evaporated at his expression. “Come on. Obviously I have to meet the people my best friend is praising me to, right?”

“Pfft, I wouldn’t say praise—”

“I would!” says a petite girl, forcing EJ to tilt the phone down as she bounces over. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked if a dancer’s doing a move right and EJ insists they must be because Gina does it that way and how could she be wrong?”

The blush is coming back, so Gina barks out a laugh and avoids looking at EJ. “Well, here I am. What’s your name?”

She smiles back. “Hannah. Nice to meet you!”

“And the guy before this?”

She rolls her eyes and supplies, “Oh, that’s just Damon,” and Gina instantly likes her.

That’s what the next few minutes consist of: EJ introducing her to his friends and Gina immediately clicking with them. Almost everyone has something to add onto EJ gushing about her, making the blush a permanent thing. Gina Porter doesn’t blush —or at least she didn’t before today, but how warm she feels on the outside matches the warmth spreading in her chest. 

She knows EJ misses her. They’ve taken every opportunity to tell each other and text and call, and she wishes she could say the separation pains are diminishing with the contact but they’re not. So hearing from his new college friends (something else she’s grateful for; stage crew has definitely improved his mood) that she’s on his mind as much as he’s on hers… it helps. Or it makes it worse. She’s not sure, she just knows she likes it.

She’s met seven people in the span of five minutes—Damon, Hannah, Emily, Lauren, Xander, DeWayne, and Paul—and Gina’s not expecting to see Austin until she notices him in the background. He’s not on stage crew, she knows that much, but she figures he must run in the same circles or be EJ’s plus one if he’s there. She’s about to double-check with EJ that that is in fact his roommate and then finally introduce herself—and then he spins on his heel and heads down a hallway and out of sight. Even on FaceTime she can tell he saw her.

It pisses her off, honestly. She hasn’t met Austin yet, not once, and now that they sort of made ‘eye contact’ he just leaves? This gives off ‘I don’t like you’ vibes, which makes absolutely no sense. Maybe she wasn’t overly fond of him during the whole Aly debacle, but she’s come to the conclusion that it must be her looking out for EJ. Nothing else makes sense. She’s known him longer than Austin, all the way back to being Wonderstudies and dumping fucking punch on him. She’s sure Austin thinks he knows what’s best for EJ and is following his own moral compass on the subject, but she knows EJ. She knows him and she knows Austin has no reason to want to avoid her.

So yeah, it pisses her off. Gina Porter doesn’t blush, but she also doesn’t get brushed off anymore, and especially not in relation to EJ Caswell. The confusion is setting deep into her bones by this point, but EJ’s having a good time and one of her favorite things is seeing him smile, so she lets it slide. She smiles back and tries to tune out the frustration. Emily calls EJ out for skipping their singles hangout on Valentine’s Day for Gina and then she’s blushing again. It’s a good distraction.

It’s towards the end of March when Kourt and the rest of the costuming crew call everyone to try on their outfits before rehearsal actually starts, and while they’re as immaculate as ever it’s still chaotic as hell.

Testing out makeup looks on Carlos and Ricky to make them look younger than a junior and senior respectively is a whole spectacle. Nini’s around today to help out and she keeps having to grab Ricky’s chin to hold him in place as she tries out the different techniques Kourt’s yelling at her. Gina’s with Kourt herself, getting Mary Poppins’s famous dress tightened around the waist.

“Girls,” Nini says to get their attention, turning Ricky’s chair in their direction. Neither of them looks too thrilled with the outcome. “Do these freckles make him look younger or just like he’s been out in the sun for too long?”

Carlos shakes his head from beside them, testing out his own ideas in another mirror. “You’re applying them too large. He’s nine years old; he doesn’t have chickenpox.”

Ricky groans. Gina has to cover her mouth because she knows this is a real dilemma but seeing Ricky get mad with the overdone makeup on doesn’t quite work. “Nini, just—can you get this off please?”

Nini sighs but complies, stepping back between his legs to wipe away the makeup. Kourt cinches the dress too tight and Gina wheezes out a “God, Kourt, I’m not that small.”

“Sorry, sorry,” she says, loosening it back up. “I’m distracted here. Maybe if you put more blush across his nose?”

“Won’t that make me look sick?” Ricky asks, his eyebrows drawn together.

“I think we’re past caring about that, Richard,” Nini cuts in, holding his face in one hand.

Ashlyn and Seb sweep back into the room, easily the best dressed. Their costumes complement one another in a way they should as spouses, a gold undertone woven into both outfits without being too much to overpower their different hair colors. Kourtney deserves an award, honestly, and Gina will tell her just that once she can breathe properly in this dress.

“The good news is that Mr. Mazzara is calming Miss Jenn down,” Seb announces, smiling so brightly he almost lifts the anxiety off of the room.

“The bad news is that Miss Jenn is making Mr. Mazzara more freaked out in return,” Ashlyn adds, a grimace forming on her face. “We heard him say something about needing his own therapy session after all this.”

Ricky points, careful not to nudge Nini while she applies more foundation onto his face. “Tell him I know a guy.”

Kourt snorts. The dress is pulled taut for a second before she releases it completely, finished. “Tell him that guy is my mom, and she only sees teenagers.”

“Is Big Red still going over the ‘Step in Time’ choreo with the dancers?” Gina asks, spinning around to see if the dress is comfortable. It is. She grins at Kourtney who immediately sighs in relief and zooms over to fix Ricky’s face.

Ash nods, practically glowing with pride. “Biggie is, in fact, leading them through it. I think they’re really getting the hang of it now.”

Seb smiles and nods as well. “Yeah, we should all go out and watch for moral support.”

“I’m almost finished with this,” Carlos assures everyone, causing the attention to shift. Gina gets too close to Nini and has to make sure she doesn’t fall into Ricky.

“Whoa, you really look like an eleven-year-old girl!” Ashlyn says in surprise, applauding him.

Carlos arches an eyebrow at her in the mirror and then looks at everyone in turn. “And that’s officially the only time anyone can ever say that to me.” 

Gina shrugs. “Weird compliment maybe, but at least it works.”

After a moment Nini starts giggling. “At least it’s not EJ’s eyebrows from last year.” 

The whole group tries to stifle their laughter but Kourt still says lowly, a threat clear but unspecified, “Did anyone else offer to do that boy’s makeup?”

austin’s having a lady™ over and is suddenly trying to cook. 

you don’t even need to elaborate for me to know this is a bad idea

i’ve been tasked w watching the smoke alarm. 

and by that i mean i tasked myself, he’s hopeless and stubborn. 

what’s he making tho

you get food? 👀 

i see some rice, cheese, onions. idk the end goal tbh. 

ooh sounds like ✨risotto✨ ingredients

some of them, yes, but i’m not eating that til i’m home w you. 

what the hell

what?

that’s literally what i’ve been doing for the past semester

i didn’t even tell you that, how are we always on the same page

power of 2.0?

power of fake dating

power of best friends. 

power of porter-caswell enterprises

portwell enterprises

*stark industries. 

you’ve ruined it

😌

࿏

[calling: gina 💃🏾✨]

[call duration: 1hr 3min]

࿏

stop playing me in gamepigeon archery. 

it makes it look like i haven't actually had lessons. 

pigeon 

pls

can we do a word game instead?

i’m in class no

codndjf how is the type of game the issue when you’re IN class??

[ three minutes later ]

shit did you get your phone taken?

[ three minutes later ]

no

just really don’t wanna use more english

“more english”

gi are you okay?

what yeah

just checked your schedule, you’re in ART CLASS. 

not english, what’s wrong w word games?

i’ll probably still lose. 

eeeej

yeaaah okay you’re acting weird

mental health check?

tired as fuck

ah.

that makes sense. 

i wanna take a nap or like

steal ash’s snuggie or something but that's not in the cards today

do i have to buy you a snuggie too?

or just fly out here. i always fall asleep on you 🤧

yes ofc. jetlag and a hole in my wallet just to sleep at home. 

don’t act like you’re not tempted now that i brought it up

i’m not ACTING i’m trying to talk myself out of it. 

࿏

[calling: babe 🍚]

[missed call to: babe 🍚]

time sensitive question: natalie wants to know if you’ve had to do anything w harnesses backstage bc she’s sketched out about big red flying and would like some nyu input

harnesses? in music man?

troy bolton. hsm. 

it’s a legit question for east high

pffft okay fair, but no, i haven’t had any experience w it. 

she’s not going to kill big red is she?

honestly she probably was being sarcastic about asking you but it started a whole argument over why we need bert to fly anyway (as if it’s not in the show for once) so i just called you 

i’m getting ~not scared on a rollercoaster vibes. 

okay yes i wanted to call you

i won’t speak on the other thing

it’s fine, i already know. 

you can’t be cocky about that, you didn’t even pick up the phone just now

well i was in the BATHROOM but. 

if you insist. 

[calling: gina 💃🏾✨]

[call duration: 26min]

When EJ flies home for spring break a week later, Gina latches onto him the second he gets off the plane and doesn’t let go for about two days. 

The first night they’re both part of his huge welcome back dinner, situated in his parents’ pristine and high-ceilinged dining room. Gina’s gotten used to his parents eating at her and Ashlyn’s house rather than the other way around, seeing as two people driving out is easier than four people, but now she appreciates it. It marks EJ’s return wonderfully.

Risotto the next night, just the two of them, is way better though. Hands down.

“I don’t think I’ve ever craved a dish more,” she murmurs around a mouthful of mushroom risotto, her eyelids fluttering involuntarily when she looks up and across the table at him.

EJ’s chewing slowly and admiring her reaction, shaking his head. “I never told you to wait until I was home.”

“Yeah, and I never told you to either, but here we both are.”

He holds out his spoon. “Two sides of the same coin.”

Gina points at him with her spoon too. “Still waiting on that impending marriage proposal.”

He chuckles, shaking his head again. She’s not sure if it’s the lighting or if he’s actually flushing now. “At least give me until the end of college. I’ll need a job lined up.”

“That’s fair.” She waits until he’s looking at her to say, “I’ll get a job before then too, no matter how shitty. I’m not letting you do all the work.”

She’s kidding about it all, of course. She’s entertained the possibility of attending college in New York—Juilliard, maybe even NYU—and moving in with him. Ashlyn’s mentioned it too, so Gina knows she’s not overstepping in any way by considering it, but she hasn’t brought it up to him and she doesn’t plan to. Not until she knows where she actually wants to go, and then she can see if her best friend wants to live with her.

He has to know she’s kidding too, but he says in a completely genuine tone, “Oh please. You’ll be signed to an amazing dance company one year in. There’s nothing shitty about your future.”

Gina doesn’t choke or anything, but she does stop chewing. Her jaw almost goes slack, her lips start to part. EJ’s not even looking at her. He’s turned his head to check on the woman they’ve seen waiting alone for twenty minutes now, asking each other if there’s any non-embarrassing way to invite her to eat with them. His eyebrows are pinched together as he considers a good angle.

So she’s not sure why his conviction about her future strikes her as hard as it does. That’s just who EJ is. He’s the kind of guy who thinks highly of everyone he meets (but especially her), the kind of guy who looks out for the people around him (but especially her). He’s the kind of guy who sticks it out at college and doesn’t shy away from breaking down in his best friend’s arms, because he’s not interested in toxic masculinity and he trusts her. He trusts her. She doubts she’ll ever feel as honored to have someone’s trust as she does with him.

EJ turns back to her with a plan to at the very least anonymously pay for the woman’s meal, and Gina’s forced to muddle through all the admiration in her head to even fathom answering him.

࿏

Mini golf with the drama club (plus Howie of course) is supposed to be a fun, easygoing night out while EJ’s in town, but what their friends fail to remember is just how competitive both he and Gina are.

They might not be planning to undertake the leads of the musical anymore, but once a Wonderstudy always a Wonderstudy. They only playfully boo Nini and Howie when they’re doing too well, but the competition extends into sabotage territory with each other. Gina can’t even begin to imagine how many times they’ve been beside each other, arms touching, hands brushing, or anything of the sort, but she can count how many times EJ nudges her club the wrong way by hugging her from behind. Fourteen. Fourteen times. 

It’d be unfair if she didn’t do the same thing, wrapping her hands around his waist and resting her hands on his chest, her chin on his shoulder as she patiently waits for the right moment to twist him to the side. They’re both too physically affectionate to shove the other one aside, so it quickly becomes a game of seeing who can resist their reflexes more. There are no criteria to win, no betting pool, but their friends call attention to their insanity whenever they can.

There’s some graduation talk here and there, which makes Gina feel a little sick but nothing compared to the denial she put herself into before EJ left for college last year. She tries to remember that and convince herself to be impartial now. EJ’s hand still finds hers in the quiet moments, though, competition on hold because he knows. He always knows.

Big Red made it clear from the beginning that college isn’t something he’s interested in, rather working at and eventually taking over his family’s pizzeria for the foreseeable future. There’s a round of applause and ‘thank God’s at the promise of more pizza, which makes Big Red laugh and smile and then he still blushes when Ashlyn holds his hand. Gina gets only one word in about teasing them for their PDA before Carlos pounces on her immediately—which, okay, yeah. EJ’s arms are literally around her. And she’s not going to say it but they all know he has really nice arms. 

Howie ships out to Princeton as a new history major—something Ricky gets a kick out of for some reason. Apparently “you don’t give off history vibes. When I think of your abilities I think of singing with a Beast mask on and delivering pizzas”—which brings up a whole slew of questions in regards to his and Kourt’s relationship. They brush off most of the main concerns that Nini and Seb bombard Howie with, but ultimately it sounds like they’re playing it by ear. Gina can’t find it in herself to worry too much. She’s been talking to EJ so regularly from opposite ends of the country and nothing’s changed between them. EJ does say it’ll be cool to be on the same coast, even in different states. That gets a few eyes on him and Gina then. She figures they thought of the long-distance thing too. 

Kourtney, on the other hand, is staying at Salt Lake Slices but has been promoted to supervisor. “Technically I don’t start as a supervisor until the summer, but I’m making bank already!” Big Red doesn’t say anything about how she’s still higher up than him at his own restaurant but Ricky does laugh about it a lot. Kourt’s also in charge of their social media accounts on top of the community college courses she’s taking for business and cosmetology. The end goal is to become her own boss as a personal makeup artist. Seb brightly says she’s already his personal makeup artist. That ends up bringing them both to tears, several Pottsfam memories being shared as they pause to take a picture. 

Nini’s plan for after graduation is the easiest to presume. She says she’s taking a gap year or two to fully focus on her music career, giving it a fair shot and prioritizing it instead of being a side hobby. Her Instagram followers and engagement have been climbing since the very beginning of the account, and when combined with her songwriting club further perfecting her craft, Gina figures it won’t be a couple of gap years so much as the rest of her life. College probably doesn’t need to happen for her, which Gina thinks was expected, what with how successful she is already. 

Ricky, however. Gina wonders how bad it is that she never knew he was planning to go to school in Chicago while they were dating. Nini doesn’t seem shocked, per se, but the devastation is prominent enough in the forced smile she sends his way. The plan is to major in music at DePaul, although his mom is pushing him to double major at some point. For what? Gina doesn’t know. She doesn’t know a lot of things about Ricky, apparently. Further proven by Ash commenting, “You know that’s technically a Catholic school, right?” and Big Red exclaiming, “Dude, are you Catholic and you didn’t tell me?!” (He’s not. It’s fine.)

All of that is interspersed with EJ’s stage crew tales and their friends sending Gina looks when EJ’s too enthralled to notice. It’s possible they’ve been overly touchy tonight in comparison to what the drama club usually sees, but Gina honestly doesn’t see much of a difference. He’s back for one week: sue her if she wants to be attached at the hip, especially when the sentiment is mutual. She deftly avoids any direct questions by winding herself around EJ the second it looks like someone might approach her. It’s probably counterintuitive. She doesn’t really care. EJ’s always nice to hug. 

Seb wins at the end of the night. Gina’s 5000% sure she and EJ would’ve fought anyone else for stealing the number one spot out from under them (shenanigans aside), but Seb getting it is perfectly fine. Ricky even insists they all go out for ice cream to celebrate. Gina’s filled with a surge of love for her friends for the rest of the night.

࿏

The next three nights are dedicated to drama club activities, like another movie night but this time in a theater, Ashlyn and Carlos host a nail painting party at his house, and an open mic night at Salt Lake Slices. Ashlyn stays behind to hang out with Big Red as he closes, so EJ drives Gina back to his house and immediately asks her to teach him how to properly slow dance.

She’s smiling and laughing a lot, so he explains, “There’s a dean’s list awards ceremony from last semester that Hannah and I are both invited to and she’s decided I’m taking her. Which is fine, you know, I don’t have to dodge Aly and risk being rude, but, Gi”—he levels her with a look here—“I need help.”

Hannah actually told her this already. The NYU stage crew girls from St. Patrick’s Day all reached out to Gina on Instagram and she found the guys through them, so now she has the inside scoop on EJ’s college whereabouts. Not that she asks them anything when she could just ask him, but Hannah seems to beg to differ. She sent a short and random message the other day: aly’s off the table for awards cerem. ur welcome! :) Gina sent a meme back in response and forgot about it until now.

There’s only one thing Hannah could possibly mean by texting her that, and admittedly Gina’s stomach churns a lot less when preparing to teach EJ how to slow dance for her rather than for Aly. Hannah’s dating DeWayne and EJ’s not interested in Aly. It’s an easy solution when DeWayne has to work the night of the ceremony and it’s perfectly normal for Gina to breathe easier about the whole thing.

They’ve reached his outdoor patio by now, string lights illuminating the backyard. The atmosphere is so completely slow dance-worthy. “‘Can I Have This Dance’ much?” Gina winds up teasing, squinting at him purposefully. She knows he recognizes this as a yes.

EJ shrugs and takes out his phone, offering it to her. “Except we don’t have to play that song. Pick whatever feels right.”

Apple Music opens to his playlists first, so she sees that the most recent one is “Gi’s Recs” and her heart does a somersault in her chest. She moves right past it, scrolling through all his songs instead and still ending on ‘Can I Have This Dance.’ It’s a classic, it works for the scenario, and the smile that lights up EJ’s face makes it all worth it.

“We’re not following their routine at all, just so you know,” she reassures him, stepping into his space. She’s not nervous but she is hyper-aware of their proximity. Which is stupid. They’re both touchy, affectionate people, and that extends so far into their friendship that she feels like she knows his body better than her own at this point.

Well, not really— 

“Damn,” EJ sighs, shaking his head playfully. It successfully derails her intrusive thoughts. “And here I was thinking you were a real choreographer.”

Gina takes his hand and slips it onto her waist, tilting her head. If she has to think about it then maybe he has to, too. “You’re welcome to do this with Carlos.”

EJ practically short circuits. At the continued Carlos imagery or his hand on her waist, she doesn’t know. “No, yeah, I think I’ll stick with you.”

She sings some of Gabriella’s lines at him before carefully clasping their hands together, lifting them to about shoulder level. She’s always known they’re similar heights but seeing it work so seamlessly right now only further convinces her they’re equals. She’s never felt beneath him, not once. She smiles at him just because.

Gina teaches him the simple footwork, taking the lead until he understands how to get her body to turn with his. The pressure is light on her waist, her sweatshirt rising enough that the pads of his fingertips graze the bare skin of the small of her back. The goosebumps are immediate, her temperature rising a gradual thing. EJ’s paying attention to his feet and her feedback, though, so she works through it and tries not to overthink it.

“And at some point, it’ll probably end up like this.” She rests her head on his shoulder now, her forehead pressed to the side of his neck. They move slowly for a couple of seconds, rotating in a way that puts Gina at ease after the mini heart attack she just experienced. Too much ease, maybe. So she quips, “Unless she’s not into it.”

Silence.

Gina pulls back just enough to see his affronted expression, immediately laughing. “I’m kidding. I know you’re friends and Hannah’s got a boyfriend, but she’ll have a good time. She might want to have a conversation face to face though, unless…” She tilts her head until it slots more easily into the crook of his neck, his cologne enveloping her in a way she isn’t prepared for. “Is this weird?” she gets out, mind slightly overwhelmed.

He’s quiet for a moment. “No. It’s just, kind of…”

“Domestic?” she guesses.

And then he says, “Nice,” and something inside her cracks open.

Gina tries not to swallow because it’s so quiet and he’ll know she’s flustered. “Yeah,” she says eventually, voice like gravel. Her eyes are trained on his jawline but her vision’s blurring. “Yeah, it is nice.”

This is probably why she lets her thoughts start to drift from practice to reality. They never got to have that dance at Homecoming his senior year. She wanted to dance with him then. She remembers her excitement about going to a dance with a date, however fake it may have been. She and Ricky just missed Homecoming this year and they broke up way before prom, so Gina has no plans to dance with anybody anywhere.

But when she pictures slow dancing with EJ at prom, mentally runs through the photo-taking process right before, the corsage, the drive over to the venue… it’s not bad. It’s wonderful, actually. She has to assume it’d be much like this, her tucked against him like a second skin, their hearts beating in sync and their breathing mellowed out because they’re so comfortable with each other. It would be just like this. Probably even better than this, actually.

It’s hard not to keep that image in her head, especially when he asks gently, “Mental health check?” after she’s been quiet for too long. She nods against him, a smile feeling like it’s permanently etched onto her face as her heart pounds at the sincerity of the moment.

࿏ 

On Saturday Ashlyn traipses downstairs in one of her date outfits™, earning hoots and hollers from both Gina and EJ alike. They’re staked out on the couch, Gina’s knitting materials in front of them on the coffee table and EJ’s laptop open to a random sports page. Gina couldn’t say what they’d been doing for the past hour even with a gun to her head.

Ash ignores the obscurity of it all and asks if they want to join her and Big Red, like she believes they’re children who will trash the place without constant supervision. EJ scoffs at the same time Gina teases, “Come on, you think we can’t take care of ourselves? We’ll be good here.”

Her roommate squints at them but starts for the front door. “I remember the popcorn incident from movie night last year, you know.”

EJ puts an arm out. “Awe, we only do that when it’s neither of our houses!”

“That’s worse, Eej. Definitely worse.”

They’re already settled on the couch and Ash’s movie night mention only adds to the vibe. EJ’s grabbing the remote and flicking on the TV, starting to search through a bunch of apps for something to watch. Gina lets him peruse for a while, busying herself with draping a throw blanket over her legs and trying to get comfortable, right up until he stops on a familiar Disney+ title.

“I’m not watching High School Musical,” she says before he can get a word in edgewise.

EJ literally gasps. “But Gina. It is a staple of our culture, and it’s probably why we’re as close as we are.”

She snorts. “We’re close for a lot of reasons, not because of HSM specifically.”

“Can you prove that?” Neither of them subscribes to conspiracy theories or hypotheticals or the like very much, but she knows for a fact he’s getting a kick out of entertaining this. “How do you know if we changed the musical your first semester then everything wouldn’t change with it?”

Truth be told, she’s not as violently anti-HSM as she acts; she did go as Gabriella for Halloween after all. The appeal only kicks in when EJ’s trying to fanboy all over the place and it’s more fun to playfully push back on him. In her head it’s just an easy way to tease him, but in the grand scheme of things she has to wonder if it’s a way to remind herself he’s not going anywhere. Even when she pushes him away (over something trivial, granted), he sticks around.

But she still levels him with a look and says, “I’ll kick you out.”

“You can’t kick me out.”

“I don’t care if you’re Ashlyn’s cousin; I live here. You do not.”

“You won’t humor me?” EJ turns inward and gives her his best puppy dog eyes. It’s remarkably similar to his normal eyes. “Not even when I have to go back to college tomorrow? This is my last day home, Gi, this is cruel.”

She shifts around until her head fits comfortably against his shoulder. She blinks innocently up at him. “Yeah, you’re going back for two and half weeks and then you’re home for months. Not flying this time, babe.”

“I mean, I’m not driving there.”

There’s a long, long pause before Gina maneuvers herself around him to take the remote out of his hands. “That was actually terrible. Movie privileges revoked.” He complains for a minute longer but he’s smiling the whole time. He even encourages her to play National Treasure.

She wishes she could say she lasted more than twenty minutes, but she’s resting against EJ who’s like a space heater and a fucking stuffed animal rolled into one, so no. She does not last more than twenty minutes before passing out on him. She’s actually pretty sure he’s in the middle of saying something when she nods off, too.

Gina wakes up two hours later to the credits playing, EJ heating up their risotto takeout from earlier in the week in the kitchen, and one text message from Ashlyn. There are no words, just a photo of her and EJ asleep on the couch. Her head’s in his lap and he’s slumped inward, one arm resting on her hip. She contemplates texting Ashlyn back—saying what, exactly? — but EJ notices she’s awake and starts to bring their bowls over, so she saves the photo and focuses on the boy beside her instead. She caves and lets him turn on High School Musical, compromising by choosing the second film solely for the ‘I Don’t Dance’ sequence. There’re a lot of Chad jokes but even more smiling.

It’s the end of April and a little over two weeks from the opening night of Mary Poppins when Gina gathers up the courage to call her mom.

They talk a lot over the phone, at least once a week per the deal they negotiated when it was decided Gina could stay with the Caswells. Normally the conversation leans more toward work or reminiscing towns they’ve been to, and Gina tries to tamp down how much she gushes about her friends until her mom encourages her to. There’s a very set structure to the phone calls, but now that the show is so close Gina has to disrupt that careful peace to ask the usual question:

Can you come see me in the musical?

Her mom doesn’t beat around the bush, just like her daughter. Gina supposes she should be grateful that she never has a chance to get her hopes up. Her mom shuts that down way before the train even reaches the station with a simple, “Honey, I’m sorry. I just don’t see how I can shift all this work around in time for the show.”

There’s a familiar lump in her throat now. Gina swallows around it and says, “It’s okay, I get it,” because that’s what she’s supposed to say. That’s the only thing to say. Expressing her true emotions won’t make the situation change.

But she’s still frowning, suddenly glad her mom declined her FaceTime suggestion and opted for a regular audio call. She never tries to make her mother feel bad about not making it out; she understands it’s just how her life works, especially after all the years of moving around with her. But at some point Gina has to wonder when she’ll be allowed to show her disappointment all the same. Ricky didn’t go into detail about his therapy sessions often, but one line he mentioned back when they were dating—“two things can be true at once”—has stuck with her, and she thinks about it now. She understands the circumstances and yet, she’s still upset.

Inexplicably her mind drifts to EJ at NYU. She understands why he took that opportunity and continues to stick it out, really finding his place there now, and yet…

It’s like her mom knows she’s thinking about EJ, because the next thing she says is, “Too bad your friend can’t splurge on another plane ticket for me, huh?” There’s a light tone to her voice now. Gina knows it’s a joke, but it doesn’t quite land.

Gina smiles though and lets out a tiny laugh, joking back, “Or bribe your boss to let you out for one night.” Just one night. Two hours. Three hours on a plane, three going back. Eight total, nine at most.

She forces the math to the back of her head and latches onto talking about EJ instead, praising his work on Music Man and how much fun spring break was and the excitement she feels that he’s coming back home in less than a week now. Her mom loves EJ just as much—no, that’s not true. Gina knows she loves him more. Her mom calls her “The Official EJ Caswell Fan Club President” and her heart pounds mercilessly against her ribcage in agreement. She doesn’t text him about that though, for reasons she can’t understand.

Gina’s used to airports. She’s used to flying by herself or with her mom, to delays, to connected flights, and to awkward one-time interactions. Something she’s not used to just yet is how excited she is every time EJ comes home. 

She’s waiting next to the baggage claim, tapping her phone against her thigh as she searches the crowds for a tall brunet. Ash ducked into the bathroom a moment ago and the rest of the Caswells are in a food court area to schmooze, so Gina’s really using this time to calm her racing heart. She’s been to the airport to see EJ off three times, here to see him come home twice now (after he surprised her for Christmas break), and the difference in her moods is insane. It’s like she becomes a better, more grounded person when EJ’s around. It makes her smile. 

What doesn’t make her smile, however, is the guy standing ten feet away who keeps checking her out. He’s definitely in his late twenties, AKA get the fuck away from me. Gina wants to text Ash about him so she’ll hurry up and come find her again, but she doesn’t want to give him the opportunity to catch her off guard. She does let her gaze keep drifting over to a security guard nearby, though. Just in case anything happens.

Of course, something does happen, even if it’s just the man sauntering up to her and making small talk. It starts with a hello and a noise of recognition from her, and then he says he’s waiting for a relative. “Who’re you waiting on?”

“My boyfriend.” There’s not a second of hesitation, not an ounce of uncertainty in her voice. It’s a no-brainer, saying EJ’s her boyfriend. It fulfills the obligatory ‘no, I’m not available’ line (why that’s necessary instead of taking her disinterest at face value, she’s pissed about) and also announces that she’ll soon have a likely protective male presence around her. The semantics make her mad until she acknowledges that she will feel safer with EJ here because she always feels safe with EJ.

He doesn’t cut out at that point though. Doesn’t ask how old she is either. “How long have you two been together?”

Gina doesn’t like how hard he’s trying to catch her eye, ducking his head in just a way designed to make her too uncomfortable not to pay attention. Her hand clenches around her phone and she slips into an indifferent role. She openly focuses on the security guard now. “We’ve been together for a year now.”

“A year, huh? Is it serious?”

She almost has to snort. Is it serious? A year-long relationship. “That’s normally what a year signifies.”

“But when you’re so young?”

And now there’s bile at the back of her throat, because he knows she’s underage. He knows and has no problem announcing it, making it very clear to her that his intentions are not pure. It’s not like she wasn’t aware of that already, but his open acknowledgment of it claws at her insides.

Gina doesn’t even have a chance to make a thinly-veiled threat about the security guard she’s been trying to make eye contact with this whole time, because a familiar pair of arms encircle her waist and an equally familiar chin is resting on her shoulder. Maybe it’s his pine-scented cologne, or the minuscule height difference, or the fact that her soul is so in tune with his that he immediately knew she needed help, but Gina instantly melts into EJ’s embrace and tilts her head so her temple presses against his cheek.

“Hey babe,” she says, her tone as calm and relieved as she feels inside. Her arms come up to rest on top of his. She directs her gaze to the man in front of them, saying “I think you should go” because now’s the perfect time and she can tell EJ’s going to say it if she doesn’t.

The man raises a hand in goodbye and slinks away, taking any and all feelings of discomfort with him. He definitely wasn’t waiting for a relative. Gina breathes out a sigh and relaxes further against EJ. He’s not laughing like he normally would after they fake date. She’s not laughing either.

“How old was that guy?” he asks instead, not making any move to release her. It’s perfectly fine by her.

“Like, thirty.” She does twist around, though, to slip her arms around his waist and hug him back, her face properly in the crook of his neck now. “I’m just so glad to see you.”

She thinks his lips ghost over the top of her head but it’s so featherlight she’s not sure. Her heart does a flip anyway. He hugs her back properly and murmurs, “That creep wasn’t a good way to come home, but this part I don’t mind.”

Gina inhales his cologne and silently agrees. It’s only the beginning of May. She gets him for four months.

Ash finds them a moment later, hurrying to join the hug and laugh and greet EJ like they haven’t seen him as recently as they have. His parents and aunt and uncle might be more reserved when they reach them, but for now Gina enjoys the moment. The three of them warm and cozy in an airport, finally reunited for more than a short visit.

It’s a weekend rehearsal when Gina ropes EJ into not only driving her to practice but also coming in with her to watch some of the dance numbers.

“‘Roped me in’ makes it sound like I didn’t offer to drive you in the first place,” EJ points out, locking the car behind them as they head for the stage door entrance. He looks way more laidback than he did on New Year’s Eve, which is her go-to checkpoint for progress, and she revels in the difference. She loves seeing him happy.

Gina swings her lunch box around a little and smiles back at him. “As if you were going to come inside without me asking. You only do that when you’re showing up without telling me.”

He snorts a little at that, tugging the door open for her. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted me here today.”

She pauses in the doorway and looks up at him. She forwent the heels today, so her head is tilted back a bit more than usual. She doesn’t let that make her response any less impactful. “I’ve spent two whole semesters wishing you were here and now you are,” she says firmly, maintaining eye contact. She pokes him in the chest. “You don’t have to wonder.”

His gaze lingers on her as they walk across the stage until their friends notice them. Gina’s shoved out of the spotlight because no one’s quite used to EJ being home for an extended period of time yet, which is perfectly fine with her. She too fawns over EJ Caswell an inordinate amount.

Some dancers ask her to look over a specific move she choreographed, so she sends EJ out into the middle of the house to take a seat for a few minutes. It winds up being twenty minutes, but Seb floats by and reassures her, “I think he’s enjoying himself,” gesturing to EJ who is absolutely enraptured by her performance. It lights a fire in her stomach that doesn’t go out for a while. Or ever, if she’s being honest. It keeps kindling long after the moment passes.

Big Red takes the stage with the rest of the tap dancers soon enough, allowing Gina to slip into the audience and hype up the number to EJ before it starts.

“Seriously, this is the whole reason I wanted you here today,” she informs him, tucking one knee against her chest and flipping the armrest between them up. “Watching ‘Step in Time’ in a basically empty theater is a completely different experience than on opening night.”

“What about on closing night? Or the second night?” he teases, tilting his head to look at her more head-on.

Gina feels her eyebrows drawn together. “Which one are you going to?”

He grants her a small smile. “All of them?”

It’s moments like these that Gina has a hard time reconciling how he treated her back at Homecoming last year, or how she treated him. She can’t imagine a world anymore where EJ doesn’t say sweet things not just to make her smile but because he means them, because he cares about her and she cares about him too. She doesn’t want to know that world either. She fights through the sudden lump in her throat to murmur, “I think this still outshines any of those days, yeah,” but she knows her eyes are sparkling and her lips are tugging into a smile.

EJ doesn’t break eye contact, his green eyes softening even more as he continues to look at her. He’s always made her feel seen—in a good way; in a great way actually—but this is a new level because she thinks he feels seen too. It’s like she’s looking right past all the bravado and goofiness she loves so much and straight into his soul, which she loves even more. The thought bangs around in her head even louder when she sees his gaze start to dip slightly— 

“Everybody QUIET!” Natalie projects despite holding a mic to her lips. Gina shakes herself out of whatever trance she’d fallen into, focusing instead on the darkening stage and Natalie making sure the music is properly queued up. EJ straightens in his seat beside her and Gina has to remind herself to stay relaxed, her arms locked around her knee like a lifeline.

Nothing happened. And somehow that feels more wrong than acknowledging what she thought could have happened.

“Wait,” he whispers after a second, leaning toward her a bit. Her breath catches. “If this is ‘Step in Time,’ then shouldn’t you be up there?”

Gina finds it in herself to nod and whisper back, “We’re going to run this later too, so I’ll join in then. Everyone just knows how much I wanted to see your reaction to this so Kourt’s going to stand in for me.” She turns her head and is faced with his bright-eyed expression again. Her stomach does a flip. “Still no understudies, but she’s my unofficial one.”

He nods and faces forward again, but his lips quirk upward. She knows what he’s about to say right before he says it. “Glad to know I’m such a priority for you.”

She doesn’t even try to hide it, just looks ahead as well and says, “Pretty sure that’s what first choice means.” Ricky and Carlos are onstage while Ashlyn and Seb watch from the front of the auditorium, and it speaks volumes about where her head’s at that she just notices now. 

They’re quiet for the very beginning of the number, only whispering to each other once “link your elbows” starts up. It’s just little things, like “look at that footwork” and “Kourt still looks like a natural, even as the unofficial understudy,” but Gina’s still startled when Nini sneaks down from the back of the house to speak to them.

“Hey, EJ!” Nini says just loud enough to hear, leaning into their row a little. EJ sat them towards the end of a row rather than the center. “I didn’t know you were back yet.”

He nods, his eyes darting between Nini and the stage. “Yeah, it’s only been a couple of days and Gina insisted I had to watch ‘Step in Time’ before the show. I can see why.” Gina’s aware it’s not a compliment for her—Big Red choreographed it all himself—but she still feels herself flush.

“Oh definitely. It’s a showstopper.”

Big Red continues to prove them right, leading the group closer to the edge of the stage. Everyone’s staying in windows too. Gina’s grinning and leaning forward, but EJ stays where he is. When she looks at him he’s just watching her, a twinkle in his eye and a small smile on his face. 

“Anyway, I’ll leave you guys to watch,” Nini continues, getting Gina to shift her attention for a moment. Nini’s smiling broadly. “We can catch up later, EJ.”

EJ turns to look at Nini now too, agreeing and saying goodbye. They refocus on the stage at the right moment: Big Red’s being lifted up. EJ doesn’t say anything, just holds out a hand. Gina takes it, lacing their fingers together as she holds her breath. Ricky froze in HSM and the harness was stolen during BATB, but their issues with flying extend far beyond opening night. She lifts their joined hands to her mouth like a prayer.

And then Big Red’s doing a flawless flip in mid-air, no technical difficulties, no getting tied up in the harness. They opted for a shorter sequence rather than the full frame walk (if Miss Jenn was gun-shy about understudies last year, it’s nothing compared to how gun-shy she is about this) and he executes it flawlessly. Gina lets out a high-pitched squeal. EJ laughs beside her and tries to clap with their interlocked hands, making her snort and join in on attempting the impossible feat.

They give up after a few moments in favor of watching the rest of the number play out, but Gina doesn’t let go of his hand. It’s not uncomfortable in the slightest so she leaves it alone to sit atop her knee. They stay like that throughout the end of ‘Step in Time,’ and then the long nitpicking the dancers endure afterward, and then the second run-through for Seb to film from the back of the auditorium. They stay like that until Gina has to join everyone onstage, and even then they don’t make a big deal out of it. Their hands just slip apart and Gina weaves through the seats, trying for the life of her to lose the muscle memory that’s been instilled in her. 

Their tech rehearsal is much closer than Gina thought after that, seemingly hurdling at the cast at lightning speed.

Miss Jenn is her usual batshit crazy self, yelling out random questions and clasping her hands together so tightly Carlos has to run and get her a stress ball and an ice pack. Twice. “I promise,” she says not even halfway through the day, “I won’t have an inappropriate breakdown on opening night again.” 

Ricky claps from onstage, not looking pissed but not looking disingenuous either. “That’s nice to know.”

Miss Jenn smiles sheepishly and takes a five.

EJ took what Gina said about wanting him at practice to heart and is now in the wings with Mr. Mazzara and Natalie going over anything and everything to do with the technical side of the show. Nini also makes an appearance. She hovers around Ricky nervously at the beginning, waiting for the full run-through to start to help with quick changes backstage. She’s offered to run lines with anyone who needs it, but Gina counts her lucky stars that everyone appears to be off-book like they should be.

It’s odd seeing EJ and Nini around but not in their previous acting roles. Seb agrees with Gina when she mentions it in passing, telling her solemnly, “I almost miss EJ’s Gaston eyebrows if it meant he’d be onstage with us.” Gina cackles for what feels like a solid five seconds.

Only ten minutes later does Miss Jenn announce they’ll be starting soon, meaning “get to your places, people! I’m already hanging on by a thread and Carlos is threatening to slip me melatonin!”

Ashlyn looks wide-eyed at Gina. “That can’t be legal.”

“It’s Carlos; does it have to be?” Gina asks, arms crossed. “He’s a force to be reckoned with.”

Ash laughs and heads out to get her costume on, leaving Gina in her Mary Poppins outfit to wait it out in the wings. She doesn’t have to wait long before a familiar pine scent wafts her way, along with a kind voice she can never get enough of.

“Are you ready to nail this?” EJ asks, a carefree smile on his face and his hands in his pockets. The lighting has started to dim backstage and yet he still shines.

Gina turns toward him and raises an eyebrow. She deadpans, “Yeah, ‘cause our tech rehearsals have gone so well in the past. I totally forgot about that, thank you, EJ.”

He merely rolls his eyes and steps closer, knocking his hand against hers. “I can’t speak for everyone else, but I know for a fact that you have nothing to worry about.”

She drops the joking attitude and looks up at him. “How can you be so sure?” It comes out a lot softer than intended, but if there’s one person she never second-guesses tearing her walls down for it’s him. 

EJ tucks her into his side and murmurs against her hair, “When has anything ever gone wrong with you at the helm?” and it does wonders for her nerves while simultaneously lighting her skin on fire. It’s a peculiar combination that she’s starting to notice he brings out a lot, and then the run-through’s starting and she doesn’t have time to think about it any longer.

It catches her completely off guard.

Gina’s onstage with Ricky and Carlos and the toys performing ‘Playing the Game,’ focusing on the dancers harassing her friends for a long moment before her attention drifts out to the audience. She knows where EJ is—she made sure he told her so she could make him laugh through direct eye contact at some point—but when she seeks him out this time he’s not alone.

It doesn’t matter that the lightning is dim and she can just barely see anyone in the audience, she knows her mother anywhere. And that is definitely her mother grinning, her hands clasped as she watches her daughter perform. Gina stares for a long moment before she looks back to EJ, and yeah, he’s smiling and nodding to let her know it’s really happening. He knows her so well to reassure her that her mother’s there, but she knows him too. And she knows this is his doing.

Gina tunes back in just before her next line comes up, projecting with the same intensity as before even if her heart is beating much faster now. She’s fighting a smile until she can go backstage, and even then she has to wait for intermission.

The second the curtain closes and the lights come up, Gina rushes around corners heading for the lobby. EJ meets her halfway.

Briefly, and it’s definitely not something she’s going to dwell on, the wind is knocked out of her at the sight of him. He has a forest green button-down and slacks on, by all means a professional outfit, but it’s the genuine knowing smile that takes her breath away. She thinks for a moment that she could fall in love with him.

The thought is banished as he says, “I know normally I’d give you a bouquet after the second act, but we thought this might be better.” It’s a cheeky comment delivered by an incredibly sweet boy, and then her mom rounds the corner behind him and Gina flies into her arms.

Her mom’s shorter than her even without Mary Poppins’s modest heels, so Gina has to bend down a bit to hold her the way she wants to. It’s still perfect. “I haven’t seen you in so long,” she breathes into her mom’s hair, her voice quickly taking on a choked tone. 

Her mom chuckles and holds her just as tightly. “It’s good to see you, baby girl. Told you a certain Caswell could save the day.”

Gina doesn’t know if EJ bought the plane ticket after their phone call and somehow shifted her mom’s work schedule—that sounds much more in Cash’s realm, but she’s not ruling it out. All of the Caswells seem to like her and she wouldn’t put it past EJ to beg his dad about this—or if they planned this all along and her mom played dumb before. She doesn’t need the details right now. She just needs them both here, and they are.

Gina steps away from her mom to thank EJ, but her chest tightens up instead. He’s watching them with the softest expression in the world. She knows at this moment that she’ll never find anyone better than EJ. He cares about her happiness first and foremost. He always has.

“I wouldn’t say I ‘saved the day’ exactly, but I’m happy to assist,” he says quietly. He steps towards her, his smile just discernible enough through her blurry vision. “She also mentioned I have a fan club, and you’re the president?”

It doesn’t hit her that her mom told him the joke she purposely left out, or that he’s teasing her because he finds it—funny? Cute? It doesn’t hit her because she’s blinking hard to see him clearly, shaking her head at him. “Yeah, I wonder why that is,” she manages, voice watery and a small smile fading. He knows she’s happy so he doesn’t worry about the tears, but he does react when she slips her arms around his shoulders and buries her face into his neck. If her makeup runs not only will Kourtney have an aneurysm but it’ll be all over him. She doesn’t think either of them cares.

She pulls back, tells him intently so it sinks in, “I love you so much,” then moves to hug her mom again. She doesn’t see how some of their friends that wandered into the hallway are looking at her, but it doesn’t matter; her mom’s looking at her the exact same way.

For the next three days, Gina spends every possible moment with her mom. 

She learns her mother has taken up knitting once again in her (very) limited free time, if only because Gina still mentions it here and there and it makes her feel closer to her daughter. She learns work wants to send her mom to Washington whenever it’s convenient. Convenient is starting to look a lot like two weeks away. She learns that Big Red’s tap dancing has become so ingrained in her mother’s mind that she kind of wants to take lessons now. Gina’s interested as well, admittedly, but she thinks she’s sat in on enough rehearsals to pick up the basics and ask Big Red for any necessary refreshers.

She also learns that however much she thought her mom liked EJ, it’s nothing compared to how much she actually likes him. Gina’s phone dings with a two-word text from him and her mom gushes for a full ten minutes. EJ drives Gina the four-minute ride from school to her mom’s hotel and he’s corralled into a half-hour conversation. More than once she invites him to stay for dinner, and more than once EJ has to say he doesn’t want to intrude on their family time. Her mom says he wouldn’t be intruding—which Gina agrees with—but he insists, like the good guy he is. 

And Gina loves him, she does, so she doesn’t mind all this fanfare her mom wants. It’s just starting to feel a lot like her mom’s trying to get a different point across.

On her mom’s final night in Salt Lake, she does have dinner with Gina and all the Caswells though, at a fancy restaurant rather than one of their houses for the night. Gina expects to sit next to Ashlyn, almost like she’s bridging her current living situation with her mom, but when she walks in Ash immediately offers EJ her seat instead. It’s not bad in any way; this allows them to knock knees and share secret glances whenever Cash gets too into a work proposal and Gina can tell EJ’s sanity is waning. She squeezes his hand a couple of times for encouragement.

Her mom fits right in with everyone, discussing job stuff with the adults, astrology with Ashlyn, and college with EJ. Except she doesn’t stop at college. Sometimes she brings up a funny anecdote Gina told her about him or a comment about how Gina refuses to have risotto with her because that’s their thing. Gina forgets to be embarrassed because of how well EJ’s receiving it all and how earnest her mom seems. It still feels like there’s an underlying reason for it all, but not an unnatural one.

Graduation kind of barrels at them after that.

It feels like Gina’s known Nini, Ricky, Kourtney, and Big Red for much longer than two years when she sees them in their caps and gowns before they have to take their seats, but then again, it felt like she’d known EJ for much longer than a year at his graduation. It felt like she’d known him for a lifetime already, maybe two. 

The graduates’ parents all insist on photos both before and after the ceremony. It’s incredibly weird to see Lynne Bowen and her boyfriend Todd back in Salt Lake. Gina can’t help but be grateful she’s not being introduced as Ricky’s girlfriend to that mental minefield, although his college plans make it seem like he’s doing better with that whole situation. She still sees Ash give her a pointed look and a pat on the back; she’s not the only one thinking about it.

The group pictures take over a half hour to get through. It quickly devolves into inside jokes and caps being traded around for weird selfies. Ashlyn and Big Red take some mushy— in the best way—pictures, and the Bowens and the Salazar-Roberts make Ricky and Nini pose for a few solo ones as well. Gina glances at Carlos and catches his sympathetic expression aimed at Ricky. One look at him and Nini and it is so painfully clear they’re still not over each other.

It’s something Gina’s wondered about on and off over the school year, but definitely not enough for someone who was dating Ricky for a hot minute. Regardless, the distance those two put themselves through has done wonders for their personal growth, but maybe not for their feelings. It’s easy enough to dismiss when they’re in a group setting and saying maybe two sentences to each other. Watching them take graduation photos together is a whole new ballpark. When they look at each other Gina can see the love and admiration in their eyes. She thinks she gets it, to a degree.

Then she gets stuck on why she gets it, because the person that popped into her head is standing beside her.

That’s one of those thoughts she’s been fighting recently, the kind that almost makes too much sense until she starts to fixate on them. Her constant awe at his thoughtfulness, the dip in her stomach over anything Aly related, the feeling of home when he’s near her, and the intense feeling of loss when he’s not. It all makes sense, right up until it doesn’t. Because it can’t. It just can’t.

Somehow being around EJ as they take their seats and prepare to sit there for over an hour takes her mind off the nagging thought in the back of her head. It’s like a door loosely locked, the key halfway turned. Maybe three quarters. But until she twists it the rest of the way then she can just enjoy the present for what it is. So she does.

Gina leans into his space and murmurs, “It’s weird sitting next to you instead of watching you walk across the stage.”

He breathes out a tiny laugh against her forehead. She notices a faint smile on his lips out of her peripheral vision. “And to think, next year the roles will be reversed.”

It’s a thought she hasn’t had before, but he’s right. In just a year now she’ll be graduating, accepting her high school diploma after both Ashlyn and Seb but before Carlos, and Natalie before them all. Natalie’s helping with the mics, but the other three are to Gina’s left, huddled around a list of names so they know when to be extra. Even with other classmates and adults on all sides of them, Gina fully feels like she’s surrounded by just her friends—her family.

EJ seems to know what she’s thinking because he slips his arm around the back of her chair, not quite touching her but close enough to know he’s there. Gina smiles and fights back a sniffle, shifting a little more into him. He gets the hint; he moves his arm squarely around her now.

Natalie gets the audience’s attention soon enough, making the whole drama club snicker at the familiarity. She’s just as abrasive now as she was last year, as she is with musical productions. Carlos nods to himself and whispers, “A badass. We must stan,” and Gina thinks they all agree.

There are only four names they’re waiting to hear, the gaps between Bowen, Greene, and the close Redonovich and Salazar-Roberts substantial enough that Gina gets and has to quell the urge to play footsie with EJ a total of five times. She knows he’d be careful with her heels, but it’s because of her heels that she can’t start anything. She’s not about to risk scuffing his dress shoes.

(She’ll tell him later. He’ll complain that she should’ve anyway, shoes be damned; he was bored out of his mind.)

There’s no gap between the cap tossing and their friends’ parents rushing them all over to take more photos and hug their children and cry a bit. Ashlyn gives Big Red a small bouquet this time, just so he doesn’t have to lug it around everywhere. He kisses her with the same amount of fervor as he did on opening night.

The pictures work in the same way they did two hours ago, so the second it’s over Nini and Kourt head out for the bathroom. Gina has to wonder if Nini’s getting emotional about Ricky, because she asks her and Ashlyn if they want to come and they decline without thinking about it, but Nini lingers longer than necessary in case they change their minds. Gina resolves to ask her the next time they’re alone, just to check in. Nini has slowly but surely become a sort of rock for their entire friend group; she deserves more than just Kourtney in her corner.

Of course, Miss Jenn and Mr. Mazzara choose this moment to show up and congratulate the graduates, only getting the boys. Miss Jenn still hugs them and Mazzara offers a brisk handshake. EJ snorts from beside Gina, nearly imperceptible but it almost sends her into a fit all the same.

“Are you excited for Chicago?” Mr. Mazzara asks Ricky. Gina has to do a double-take; normally Miss Jenn would be asking that kind of question. 

Ricky looks perturbed for a second too, but he nods and his eyes clearly travel over to his mom speaking with his dad and her boyfriend. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I think it’ll be nice to be around my mom for a while. Get a change of scenery.”

“Scenery! Yes, that’s what I was forgetting!” Miss Jenn says suddenly, snapping her fingers. EJ jumps, because of course he does. Gina smirks. “I wanted to talk about helping out with the musical next year. Big Red, you said you were interested in a couple areas?”

He nods, his smile unmistakably aimed at Ashlyn. “Yeah, I’m not ready to leave everyone behind just yet.” Ash gives him the sweetest look and intertwines their hands.

Either Miss Jenn can’t read the room or she’s too focused, because all she says is, “Excellent!” She points at him. “And remember to remind the ladies to get their clearances when you do. Music, makeup, tech, and tap are irreplaceable skills in the theatre.” 

He nods almost imperceptibly. His attention is elsewhere. For two seconds, anyway, because—

“Are you going to tell us what’s going on with you two now?” Seb pipes up in that innocent, kindhearted voice of his. Gina thinks he could convince a gunman to change his ways. The others must agree, because (without discussing it) they all lean forward and smile sweetly, piggybacking off of Seb’s courage.

Mr. Mazzara physically steels himself at first, looking much like a deer in headlights, but he does wrap an arm around Miss Jenn and admit, “We are in a… romantic relationship.”

The second it’s out of his mouth Miss Jenn grins and says, in an unnecessarily hush-hush tone, “We’ve been together almost a year!”

Ashlyn’s jaw drops. “A year?”

Carlos lets out a screech, throws his hands up, and walks a couple of feet away, Seb rushing to calm him down. It clicks a moment later for Gina. She turns to EJ, her hand connecting with his shoulder to get his attention. “Last summer,” she says, a grin quickly forming. “At camp.”

He slowly mirrors her grin and grasps her hand, leaning together in their excitement. His green eyes are twinkling.

Big Red puts his arms out and asks, “But how? And why’d you keep it from us this whole time?”

Mr. Mazzara straightens. “My personal affairs are not the students’ business, and neither is Jennifer’s. Excuse us.” And he’s whirling her around, Miss Jenn giggling and waving back at them like they didn’t just scare her boyfriend off.

Gina laughs. “I’m sorry, did he think that was an interrogation?”

EJ lets her hand go, shaking his head. “He doesn’t know what a real interrogation is from us.” Carlos and Seb choose this time to rejoin the group. Seb looks marginally more harried than before but still excited.

“A whole year,” Carlos huffs, still borderline hyperventilating. He spins to glare at EJ. “And you didn’t tell us? Not even after that failed recon from New Year’s?”

Gina turns away to snort, pressing her forehead against EJ’s shoulder so she can literally feel his indignation. “Okay, first of all, you failed at that too,” he points out, his arm coming up to grasp her elbow. “And all I knew was that Mr. Mazzara was acting all cagey about Miss Jenn. There are only so many ways for me to corner him about his love life through email.”

Carlos tsks. “I would’ve found a way.”

“But you didn’t.”

“Yeah bro, and you were in state the whole time,” Ricky adds, and the casual use of the word ‘bro’ sends Gina into an actual fit. She fully leans into EJ now, his arm circling her for more stability as she cackles.

She hears Ash ask, “Wait, is Gina crying?”

EJ’s laughter reverberates through him and into her. “No. She’s laughing.”

“Did I hear a snort?” Big Red.

Gina manages to lift her head and point her purse at him, turning away from EJ just enough to show the lack of tear tracks. “You absolutely did not.”

And she knows their friends don’t let the subject drop immediately, some teasing and some assuring her it’s fine, but all she hears is EJ’s quiet murmur. “It’s cute, you know,” he tells her, tone light but not up for debate. “The snort.”

She leans a little further away from him. If she could feel his laughter then surely he can feel how her heartbeat skyrockets at those words. It’s not the first time she’s picked up on their flirty subtext but this is the first time she’s realizing it affects her the same way just text would.

Nini and Kourtney get back from the bathroom at the perfect time, dragging Gina’s attention away when they ask what they missed. Carlos jumps into another rambling tangent, but Seb perfectly sums it up as, “Miss Jenn and Mr. Mazzara are in love! For real this time.”

Nini gapes, glancing at both Gina and then Ricky to confirm. They’re both nodding enthusiastically. Big Red offers, “They’ve been secretly dating this whole year, actually. They just told us.”

“Because Seb hounded them,” Carlos insists, looking for all the life of him like he just succeeded at a parent trap with the love of his life. Gina reaches out to squeeze his shoulder.

Kourtney squeals and waves her diploma around, stopping to point at Nini specifically since she’s right beside her. “Nu-uh, I knew it! I knew it, didn’t I know it?”

There’s a round of ‘no’s but Nini’s the only one to say, “Kourt, if you knew you definitely would’ve told us before now.”

Carlos and EJ both widen their eyes in agreement. Gina has to nod, shrugging when Kourt glances her way.

“I’m going to check my texts with Howie,” she decides, fishing her phone out of her purse. “I know I mentioned it somewhere.”

“Isn’t his graduation just winding down now, too?” Gina asks, bumping shoulders with EJ as she shifts her weight in her heels. She knows if she asks he’ll carry her again. She starts to smile, catching him doing the same. She has to wonder if he’s thinking of the same thing.

Kourt purses her lips. “Oh shit, you’re right. I should probably drive to meet him, actually.”

That turns into everyone deciding to go meet up with Howie. He might be North High but he’s still closer to being an honorary Wildcat, and if he doesn’t believe it then the four recent EHS graduates are going to cover him in their gowns through a group hug until he does. 

Howie’s surprise at seeing them lasts a whole four seconds and then they’re upon him, caps flying and tassels being overturned. Ashlyn and Carlos work to make them look presentable again, Seb repositions them in a row according to Gina’s vision, and EJ takes the group photos. It’s a lot like their HSM photoshoot, except this time Gina’s standing beside EJ and laughing at their friends, pressed into his side as she ducks her head.

Another camera shutter goes off and Gina realizes that Ashlyn took their photo. Ash wastes no time before airdropping it to the both of them. It’s then, standing just as close to EJ as before, their phones out and their photo up, that Gina feels like a veil’s being tugged away from her. Like she’s so close to understanding something that’s been a part of her for so long, blinking on and off in neon color in an attempt to get her attention. But then EJ points out a couple of people behind them in the picture and all she can focus on is how genuinely happy he is. The veil can wait if it means watching EJ glow like that.

Chapter Text

Two weeks into summer break and EJ makes good on his promise: they officially have jobs working at a local animal shelter together.

After… whatever she felt at graduation with him, Gina knows that some distance could be good to clear her head and reset—but she also knows she’s spent months on end without EJ for a year now and more distance threatens to drag her under. So she goes to work, she sets her availability to match his almost identically, and she enjoys every second with her best friend: a golden retriever personified. 

“You can’t just make claims like that and expect me to agree,” EJ teases, eyebrows raised as if he’s concerned about the comment rather than amused.

Gina rolls her eyes in turn, too busy washing the sleepy shih tzu to give him a proper look. “I’m sorry, do you wanna look at the golden retriever you’re playing with and tell me she’s not exactly like you?”

He looks down, but the puppy’s squirming in his arms and wagging her tail so hard it hits EJ’s back. Her eyes are firmly trained on Gina and the shih tzu. EJ just smiles. “Seems like she’s focused on you.”

All she can do is smile back and tilt her head knowingly. “Fitting.”

It’s actually just their first day, but the shelter’s understaffed and the animals need all the love they can get, so they received a quick rundown before getting thrown into the back. Save for one tiny chihuahua that kept growling at EJ, most of the animals were beyond thrilled to see new people. Gina’s heart nearly broke open for all of the excitable babies without homes; EJ brought her back from that thought by suggesting they start off by cleaning up and entertaining some of the younger ones. 

EJ taking care of her was unsurprising but still completely welcomed, so Gina scooped up a dirty puppy just waking up from a nap and EJ settled into the stall right across from the bathtub she chose. That brings them here, looking at each other fondly through the barred door EJ’s behind, finding contentment with their company as usual.

It strikes Gina that it’s a brilliant contentment, like the sun shining just too brightly that it’s overwhelming—or maybe EJ’s the sun then. Overwhelmingly bright, but in a good way. Always in a good way. Always in a way she wants.

Gina rubs at the puppy’s stomach, earning a yawn and tired eyes. The sight keeps the smile etched onto her lips. Maybe EJ’s just a puppy, period. The thought consumes enough that she muses, “Do you miss anyone from college?” She didn’t know she was going to ask until it’s past her lips, inquisitive and open and caring. 

“Eh, not too much,” EJ admits, sounding incredibly casual. It’s not forced or suspicious, but Gina finds herself concerned anyway.

“Things got better though, right?” She’s sneaking glances at him between keeping the shih tzu’s head above water.

EJ doesn’t even register what she means for a moment, and then he rushes to reassure her. “Oh yeah, no, they’re great people and I’ll be glad to see them when we go back. I’m just not… ready to go back yet, you know?” There’s a pause, their gazes locking and a certain warmth blooming in her chest before he explains. “They aren’t my first choice, that’s all.”

Her grin is immediate, the heat spreading so fast she almost doesn’t feel the cold droplets of water land on her once the shih tzu wakes up and starts shaking. The first choice thing has become one of their many inside jokes that aren’t really jokes, a quick thing to mention to let the other person know they’re on their mind. It doesn’t matter that Gina said it first, or that they’ve said it countless times since that first FaceTime back in January; it goes straight to her heart every time.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re a sap?” she murmurs, eyes twinkling over at him.

EJ just laughs. “Maybe some girlfriends here and there, but not many.”

Her brain short-circuits but she still manages to say, “Well, add me to that list.”

He opens his mouth and looks like he has a joke queued up, but nothing comes. And Gina knows exactly what the line would’ve been anyway. As one of the people or one of the girlfriends? It’d be a good joke, an easy one too. And yet Gina can feel the tension behind not saying it.

“I’d ask how you managed to get us a dinner invite with Miss Jenn and Mr. Mazzara here of all places, but you’ve got that bromance going on so I guess it makes sense that you’d pull out all the stops,” Gina comments, keeping her arm looped through EJ’s like her life depends on it.

To be fair, the only other time she’s ever been in such a fancy restaurant was on vacation with his family last summer, right before Ava politely shooed them off to the shops. Now she’s been invited by EJ to a dinner he initially scheduled with Mr. Mazzara before the big relationship reveal happened at graduation. Nini suggested he extend the invitation to Miss Jenn too, and then that turned into roping Gina in as his plus one.

It only feels right to be dressed up in a simple red dress and heels and keep close to EJ. She doesn’t know the layout of the restaurant, she isn’t familiar with what they serve, maybe the flooring will be easy to slip on—blah, blah, blah. Mainly she wants to look hot next to her equally hot best friend. 

(Which she’d thought about texting him as a joke, except it wouldn’t have been a joke, and then he showed up at her house and it really wasn’t a joke. EJ knows how to dress to impress.)

He lightly scoffs, keeping his voice down in the calm environment. “The Caswell name holds some weight around town and I think Mazzara wants to treat Miss Jenn to a nice night out, so I’m treating my best friend to the same.”

She gives him a pointed look. “And did you make the reservation?”

EJ winks at her. “And let him think he’s actually paying. I don’t know exactly what teachers get paid but I know it’s not enough to come here casually, much less for four people. Figured they’ll get a good date out of it.”

“Isn’t Miss Jenn constantly mentioning how she’s broke?”

“You may as well have said the sky is blue, Gi.”

They’re seated for only a few minutes before the couple of the hour arrives. Mr. Mazzara shakes their hands of course, but Miss Jenn skips past the pretense and practically bowls them over. “Hi kids!” she squeals, then tones it down for the other patrons. Gina clocks Mr. Mazzara’s admiring gaze on his girlfriend and she feels her heart twinge. EJ knocks wrists with her, sending the tiniest of smiles her way to let her know he noticed too.

Most of the dinner cycles through the regular topics. EJ speaks about the NYU musical crew so much that Gina almost has to pinch herself to be sure it’s real. She doesn’t know how much their teachers know about his first semester, but the genuine joy on his face right now fills her with so much serotonin that she thinks she might zone out for a minute or two. She can’t recall any of his sentences, just that her face hurts from smiling so much.

Mr. Mazzara goes in-depth about robotics, backstage musical prep, and especially morning announcements. He doesn’t bring up any of his asides to Gina about EJ or vice versa, but it’s funny to have what feels like an inside joke with him now. He might ask Walter to fill in for Gina next year at Miss Jenn’s behest, which shifts into a full-blown musical discussion. Miss Jenn doesn’t budge on what show she chose for the fall semester, but she does divulge the film version was her favorite movie to watch with her sisters. Considering her wild childhood stories Gina’s not really sure what to make of that. 

One interaction stands out to Gina. Miss Jenn’s hands are flying around as she gets into discussing Dear Evan Hansen and how she and Seb have talked at length about executing the show once the rights are out, even though he’ll be out of school by then. When her right hand drops back onto the table Mazzara takes it and kisses her fingers briefly, then continues the conversation like nothing happened. It’s abundantly clear he did it on autopilot. Something about such casual, fundamental intimacy has Gina’s head spinning and her heart happy.

She waits until there’s a lull before she smiles innocently. “So the relationship is going well?” EJ’s knee presses against hers under the table knowingly, calling her out without actually calling her out.

Mr. Mazzara doesn’t stiffen this time, but he still pauses. “Yes. All is just—just fine.” Then he focuses solely on EJ and starts in on nerd talk.

Miss Jenn twirls her soup spoon in the air like a wand and leans forward. “How is the relationship going for you, Gina?”

There’s a moment before Gina gets it and goes, “Oh, no, Ricky and I broke up ages a—” and then she realizes that’s not what her teacher means at all. 

She knows what it looks like. It’s not enough that she and EJ hang out all the time, or that they have no concept of personal space, or that his contact name is ‘babe’ in her phone, or the fact that they’re at dinner with an actual couple right now in a high-end part of town. It’s all— usually —normal; that’s just how their friendship worked. That’s how it still works, despite whatever thoughts Gina’s subconscious might have fed her at graduation. But Miss Jenn couldn’t have picked up on a vibe then, at least not once the drama club relocated to North High.

In actuality, there’s probably a simple reason behind this. There’s a very real possibility that Miss Jenn heard them call each other babe at one point or another, but the way she drops the subject and plays with her napkin gives Gina the impression that’s not the root of her question. Gina’s just glad their solo trip with Ashlyn and Big Red to San Diego hasn’t been brought up yet.

EJ wraps an arm around her shoulders almost immediately after that thought, bringing up Mary Poppins for the hundredth time because he loves her performance that much. Or because he loves her that much. The look she’s getting from across the table makes it clear which explanation Miss Jenn is rooting for.

Gina knew Nini had found a summer job herself, but she somehow glosses over the fact that they’re coworkers until they’re both scheduled to work the first pet adoption event and EJ’s not.

“Do you think he’d cry when one of these little babies gets adopted?” Nini says conversationally, tucking loose strands of hair behind her ears and surveying the families weaving through the park stalls.

Gina cracks a smile. “That man would shake the parents’ hands to thank them with tears streaming down his face.”

“Honestly, I might do that too.”

“Oh, same.”

They work in relative peace and quiet—or as much quiet as there can be at an outdoor pet adoption in Salt Lake City’s park with the most foot traffic—for about a half hour, trading judgments on the people who steer their kids away with frenzied looks. Gina’s fully in work mode, but at some point a door opens just enough for her concern over Nini’s wellbeing at graduation to sneak in. There hasn’t been a good time to bring up Ricky and what all that means to Nini, because how can there be a right time to likely, probably, almost certainly upset your friend?

Gina dwells on it for another thirty minutes, glancing at how calm Nini seems tending to the cats and the bunnies across the walkway. Not too many people are adopting, most parents letting their kids be entertained by the thought before dropping all the responsibilities on them and leaving, but even with that Nini’s in a good mood. Now’s not the time, either. Gina’s pretty sure she knows how she feels, anyway.

Then she thinks she might have manifested it or some shit when Ricky shows up two minutes later with the whole drama club in tow. Naturally her gaze finds EJ first, lips ticking upward because he’s already looking back.

“Any reason you’re here on your day off?” she asks as soon as he’s close enough, their friends chattering loudly around them. 

EJ just crosses his arms and leans on the top of the pen she’s in, getting closer like he’s about to tell her a secret. He drops his voice to match. “I like the dogs.”

Gina grins and whispers back, “I know.”

“Hey Nini, you think any of these dogs could become therapy dogs?” Ricky calls out, head whipping around as all of the puppies in the pen surround him at once. His legs practically disappear in a mass of fur. Gina knows for a fact he heard of her and EJ working at the shelter first through the Big Red/Ashlyn grapevine, but he still reaches out to his ex-girlfriend, his first love. His Nini.

It fits that the look on Nini’s face can only be described as affectionate. Gina instantly recognizes the look as the one EJ gave her on their first shift, and she knows without a doubt that she had the same dopey expression. It sticks out in her mind. “How about you step out of the pen and we can see which little ones learn something best first?” Nini tries, bringing Gina out of her ill-timed introspection.

Howie meanders over and squats down beside EJ, poking a hand through the slats to pet one of the eager dogs. He glances up at Gina. “We were at Seb’s barn petting the cows when EJ checked his calendar and made us haul ass over here.”

Seb appears behind her then, holding out his phone with one of the cutest, most chaotic pictures she’s ever seen on the screen. Kourtney and Carlos stand posing with a proud mama cow, dressed to the nines and slaying the game as usual. But it’s EJ in the background, literally hugging a visibly happy calf that tugs at Gina’s heart instantly.

She ‘awe’s and turns back to EJ, leaning forward to playfully shove at his chest. “I can’t believe you left that baby cow for animals you see four times a week.”

He doesn’t budge. In fact, he might move closer. “What was that thing I said the other day? About priorities?”

And she sees their boss Jenny heading down the walkway in their direction, she does out of her peripheral vision, but she’s too wrapped up in adoring her best friend. So she’s caught off guard when the first thing Jenny says is, without breaking stride, “EJ, you can’t come in on your day off to flirt with Gina! You do that enough at work as it is!”

Gina can probably count on one hand the number of times she’s been truly embarrassed around EJ, but god Jenny’s line goes right onto that list. Instantly her cheeks turn hot, EJ leans off the pen and away from her, and only then does Gina realize that, yeah, okay, they’d been really fucking close to each other. Maybe it looked like flirting—hell, maybe it was, but the awkward silence that envelops them for a moment is unnecessary. Howie’s grinning on the ground.

“Guess that’s what we get for fake dating all the time,” she somehow gets out, eyes flickering up to meet his for the briefest of seconds. He slowly starts to smile back.

“Yeah, let’s see if you do that again on vacation,” Ashlyn laughs, but there’s nothing funny about it. In fact, she has a knowing look. Smug, even.

Except Jenny hasn’t passed them completely yet. “You’re going on vacation together?” she asks, clearly still within earshot by the way her eyebrows are disappearing beneath her bangs. Then she shakes her head and holds up a hand. “Never mind. Of course you are, why am I surprised?”

EJ clears his throat. “Did she just forget how our availability lined up, or?”

Jenny’s walking away, leaving both Gina and EJ with burning faces, when Big Red snaps his fingers and says, “Do you think if she knew Ash and I were going too it’d smooth things over?”

The words ‘Couples Retreat’ skips through Gina’s head like an annoying laugh track she can’t ignore. Her face stings. “Absolutely not.”

The second they get to the hotel they’re staying at, it becomes abundantly clear that Big Red and Ashlyn forgot to mention something.

“Ah yes, here is your room key, for Caswell and Redonovich,” the front desk concierge says, handing Big Red the key before turning to EJ and handing him the next one. “And yours, Caswell and Porter.”

Neither of the redheads look surprised, so Gina settles for staring at them as they all grab their luggage and file into the elevator. Only once it begins ascending to the seventh floor does EJ say, in a deadpan tone, “You duped our parents, didn’t you.”

The agreement with all four sets of parents was very clear: they could go on summer vacation by themselves if Gina and Ash roomed together and EJ and Big Red roomed together. Gina never even questioned it; it seemed like a reasonable request from a normal family concerned about their child going on vacation with their significant other. And Gina loves living with Ash, so who was she to push the envelope just because she’d miss EJ? Because yes, the possibility crossed her mind, but in the same way she suggested visiting him on campus. Wishful thinking, but unlikely with their circumstances.

Now their circumstances have just been flipped on their head, and Gina finds herself looking at the couple from beside EJ like they’re both against this idea. But she has an inkling neither of them really cares about the switch so much as not being told before reaching San Diego.

Ashlyn sighs and shifts around her luggage to face them more comfortably. “Okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t mention it in case you slipped up while our parents were around. But you two are best friends and I know—I know” —she gives EJ a look here that Gina can’t quite decipher—“that if you went on vacation with your girlfriend you’d want to stay with her, too.”

Gina leans back against the railing. She’s over the faux-interrogation already. “So is there one bed, or?”

“No, no, there’s two for you guys,” Big Red jumps in, smiling at the lack of angry reactions. “But if you’re really not comfortable with this then Ash and EJ can switch rooms.”

EJ nearly chokes. “Dude, I’m not sleeping with you.”

Gina goes to cover her mouth but stops short, snorting lightly. EJ’s comment from graduation has stuck in her head, and sure enough, he’s smiling at her now, his previous shock fading away. “Sounds like toxic masculinity to me, Eej,” she teases.

Ash bursts out laughing. “Yeah, I doubt that. He just wants to be with you.”

“Or I’m tall!” EJ overlaps, throwing his arms out. “Did anyone think of that?”

Big Red shrugs. “The beds are big, man.”

EJ genuinely looks like he’s about to have an aneurysm at his cousin’s boyfriend attempting to coax him into sharing a bed, so Gina cuts him some slack. “We’re fine staying together, no worries.” She nudges EJ in the side, grinning now. “I’m getting the other Caswell as a roommate for two weeks.”

That earns a laugh and a smile from everyone, diffusing whatever small tension had built. Gina’s perfectly fine with the rearrangement, especially once she realizes they’re practically pressed against each other in the elevator. Big Red and Ashlyn are standing a much more respectable distance apart. Ultimately Gina just brushes it off. It’s not exactly separation anxiety, but she would much rather spend this vacation (this summer, really) around EJ as much as possible before he has to go back to New York.

And this way, if she wants to see him in the middle of the night all she has to do is wake him up. He chuckles when she tells him this as she sits cross-legged on her bed, then tosses the TV remote at him and he dodges, letting it flop onto his bed by the window. He’s picking the first movie.

࿏

leaving the gym and then grabbing breakfast, what do you want

eej i WOKE UP to this text

you work out at 6am??

i woke up at 5 for this actually. 

i’m used to waking up early from school. 

you’re used to *staying up from *your insane schedule

that too. 

food?

idek what’s there, take a stab at it

i’m seeing oranges and pineapple and ik you hate both of those. 

see this is why you’re my babe

[photo: EJ smiling widely in a badly lit cafeteria]

very cute

so cute i’m coming downstairs actually, don’t bother bringing it up

i’m still guessing what you want. 

if you guess right i’ll join you in the gym tomorrow

👀

…will i regret that?

i mean it’s too late, you’ve sealed your fate. 

i know you so well. 

thanks babe. 

࿏ 

vacay caswells/-adjacents | 7:10am

[ashlyn] eej ik you’re probably down at the gym

but where the hell is gina

[big red] yeah she’s not answering the door

[ashlyn] shouldve sprung for those adjoined rooms

[big red] you can’t mother them constantly honey

[gina] hate to interrupt you, mom and dad, buuuut…

ejandginagrinningandsweatyinweightroom.jpeg

[ashlyn] WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO YOURSELF GIRL

[big red] yeah, have you SEEN his arms?

[ej] calm down 😂

[gina] yes i have and it’s a show of good will

[big red] what did you owe him for something?

[gina] eh technically 

[ej] honestly she just offered. 

[ashlyn] i’m SHOCKED

[gina] hey there was a stipulation to that

[big red] what, did he have to smile at you or something

[ashlyn] OFNJRKG

[ej] BASICALLY

[gina] you guys suck 😚

meet you in the cafeteria in 20

࿏

okay i didn’t think this through

how so?

we’re rock climbing tomorrow arent we

yeah we should be. 

and i just did leg day

your legs are FINE gi. 

for rock climbing?? i don’t normally work out to your level eej

dancer legs. you’re in shape. 

more than in shape really.

awe you’re hitting on me

right bc i hit on you all the time. 

probably

that’s half of our conversations

in text or in person?

yes

😳

i’m kidding but not really 

ik, trust me. i’m running through our interactions rn

well stop running through them, i’m leaving ash’s room in 2 sec and then you can flirt w me in person

pretend i have the personality type to flip you off. 

🥰

࿏

The highlight of indoor rock climbing comes when Ashlyn calls out, “Nice ass, G!” as she’s climbing, close to the top but not quite touching it yet.

Big Red’s down on the ground with his girlfriend, so he stutters before mustering up, “Uh, y-yeah, nice ass, EJ!”

EJ drops a few inches on his line. Gina starts laughing and can’t stop until she drops to the same height and EJ grips her arms, both of them swinging around like friendly balloons knocking into each other up in the sky. They get yelled at by the instructor about safety hazards, but EJ’s cute embarrassed face is cemented in her mind.

࿏ 

[calling: gina 💃🏾✨]

[missed call to: gina 💃🏾✨]

you woke me up

wHy

it’s official: you can never work out w me again. 

pfft why

bc now i’m lonely :(

oh big baby

don’t make fun of meeee

im not making fun of youuu

actually—

i’m coming downstairs wrapped in a comforter and you’re just going to have to deal w the looks

wait really??

it’s not like i have better things to do

not even sleep? it’s 6am

babe

let me hang out w you

shutting up now

see you in a few ❤️

❤️😌

࿏

help big red is teaching me how to throw a pizza and it’s not going well

pics or it didn’t happen. 

really? 

you need pics to believe me?

it’s not that i really NEED them i’d just love to hold onto those and make fun of you. 

yk.

like a best friend would. 

remind me again why i love you

bc i send you links like this one

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=i2Qc3KR6XVQ

to help you do better

>:(

okay i love you again

like you ever stopped. 

love you too, don’t die while ash and i get the rest of the groceries.

no promises

࿏

[calling: babe 🍚]

[missed call to: babe 🍚]

you’re lost in a ~museummmm

call me back or drop a pin

just don’t jump scare me in the hallway, this is a SILENT museum

[ nine minutes later ]

the cats! they’ve gone wild | 2:22pm

[ej] actual footage of gina screaming in a silent museum.

ginajumpscare.mp4

[seb] silent?? how does anyone express their appreciation then?

[kourtney] girl i’d kick you out on sight

[ricky] lmao that was a shriek

[carlos] i agree

we might have to change who’s the jumpy one here

[nini] as funny as this is (sorry gi!) i still think it’s ej

[gina] ^^^ plus he was involved in this

[ej] but i wasn’t the one screaming. 

i think that counts for something. 

[ashlyn] what it counts for is biggie and i realizing where you are in this museum fifnfkg

[ricky] wait you got lost?

[gina] as if ej would ever leave my side willingly

[kourtney] PFFFT

[carlos] true

[ej] you’re not wrong. 

but you also called and texted to find me, so 👀 

[big red] head to the exit! we think some security guards are coming your way!

[seb] take another video running out, like a live action film!! 😃

[nini] those two create such chaos together 

[kourtney] isnt it great

࿏

By the time they get back to their hotel room, it’s already eleven p.m. and the museum scare is all but forgotten. The four of them went out for dinner after the fact, which turned into a full-out socialization hour because Ashlyn can interact with anyone and half of the patrons were interested in astrology. 

Gina’s feet hurt more than her stomach does if only for all the footsie she and EJ played, courtesy of her flats and his Converse allowing for such antics. He might’ve carried her out of the elevator and to their room. She might’ve kept a hand pressed to his chest to remind herself that it’s perfectly normal to have an insanely fast heartbeat; as long as he did too then it’s not odd. It’s a losing battle, honestly, but she lets it slide once they’re inside and laughing all over themselves as they get ready for bed.

“You should mention screaming in a silent museum during Two Truths and A Lie for the first day of school,” EJ teases, fumbling with his socks and nearly faceplanting into his bed.

Gina cackles before she enters the bathroom and can’t see him anymore. “If I have to do that then you’re legally obligated to say you’re a shrieker during your ice breakers.”

“Yeahh, I’m not really down with saying anything that could be taken as an innuendo.”

“Pfft. Fair point.”

Sharing a room is the closest to a genuine sleepover they’ve ever gotten, something that sits oddly for Gina. Best friends have sleepovers all the time; who gives a shit if it’s co-ed? She already falls asleep on him enough as it is during move nights and general hangouts. Staying the night can’t hurt anything. Plus, her presence might convince EJ to finally alter his sleep schedule. (Then she’ll have to deal with Ash, but one Caswell at a time.)

EJ on vacation is somewhat like an anomaly because he falls asleep early if at all possible. As much as Gina loves their late movie nights, she’s more than fine with letting him catch up on the sleep he neglects himself of so often. She told him so the second night. He’d laughed at the time, but there have been at least three occasions since then that he just passes out mid-conversation.

She usually has no problem with this. But usually he doesn’t cut their banter short to say, sounding wholly coherent, “I was going to buy you a plane ticket for your birthday at first, you know. Wild.”

Her head whips around, her hands stilling mid-ponytail. She still has to step out of the bathroom to see him, feeling as if she’s been struck mute. EJ’s partially under the covers, eyes closed and breathing soundly. He’s genuinely already fallen asleep after the long day they had, and she gets that, she does, but—but what the fuck? 

Gina forces herself to finish tying her hair up and climb into bed, but she can’t go right to sleep as he has. This is the only time she’s ever resented him for passing out like this. Instead, she sits cross-legged under the comforter, fingers splayed on her covered knees like that’ll help ground her. It doesn’t. Her mind is still spinning, trying to decipher the honesty he let slip and why it was something he hid from her to begin with. Her thoughts are so tangled up that all she manages to do is turn to look at him.

She watches him for a long moment, her bedside lamp casting a soft glow on him that doesn’t match how she feels at all. Because he was going to buy her a plane ticket for her birthday, he actually planned on doing something with her suggestion from camp, and then he didn’t. And she doesn’t know why.

࿏ 

Gina knows she’s off the next day. Vacation with the Caswells (and Big Red) just puts her in such a good mood that anything less than blazing excitement comes off as insincere. She tries to keep up the engagement throughout the day, but it falls flat. Especially when EJ tries to joke around with her, which is all the time because that’s what they do.

Taking silly photos amidst Big Red and Ashlyn’s PDA? Can’t do that.

Playfully bumping against him in lines? Can’t do that.

Teasing about holding his hand on the rollercoaster? Can’t even do that.

She brushes Ash off when she asks what’s wrong, turns the conversation around when Big Red steers a little too close to the matter at hand, and taps into any happy thought she’s ever had about EJ just to make it through the day. And it’s still not enough because these people know her. It’s both a thrilling and frustrating feeling right now.

EJ doesn’t jump on her mood the second their door closes, but she feels her facade click off all the same. He changes into pajamas while she does the same in the bathroom, the door ajar so they can still talk, just like last night. Except this time it’s mostly EJ filling the silence up with something she’s not paying attention to. She stares at herself in the mirror, looking but not really seeing. All she wants are answers. Just a single sentence to understand why EJ changed his mind about inviting her out to New York.

She heads out into the main room and is letting him ramble on about—something, god, honestly she wasn’t listening. It’s probably the first and last time she’s ever tuned him out, and then the next words out of her mouth are “Were you going to buy me a plane ticket?” and the room goes silent. The pause is just sudden enough that she knows to add, “For my birthday last year?” tilting her head to look at him. Her fingers mess with the hem of her top and she’s struggling to maintain eye contact.

EJ swallows hard, face gone ashen. “Yeah. I was.”

All Gina can do is nod, tearing her eyes away from him like it still hurts. Because it still hurts. She’s so confused. “You mentioned it last night before you fell asleep.”

“So that’s why you were mad today—”

“I’m not mad, I promise, I’m just…” She’s just… what? Heartbroken? Gina pushes past the only word that feels right and turns to face him again, wandering into the space between their two beds. “Why didn’t you?”

He looks down. He’s struggling to hold her gaze too. “I already had that idea since camp, but—I didn’t wanna step on Ricky’s toes. So I did the charm bracelet instead.” His voice cracks adding, “I’m sorry if that came off as insincere or rushed.”

She loves that charm bracelet. She’d just worn it the day before, and now it’s sitting by her face wash on their bathroom counter. “It didn’t,” she assures quietly. Her fingers keep fidgeting.

“But I just wanted to be careful.” He looks slightly nervous, putting the words out there like he knows they won’t be well received. She hopes he knows she’ll never yell at him, not since the disaster that was Homecoming. She’s just…

This time she knows that ‘heartbroken’ is truly the only word that fits because her heart pounds a painful beat in her chest. There’s something so incredibly wrong about EJ looking out for Ricky’s feelings from afar, having to tamp down his birthday gesture just in case. “Ricky was already worried, I think, about you stepping on his toes,” she starts, shaking her head. She snorts involuntarily. Nothing’s funny. “Hell, about me stepping on his toes, but… I don’t want you to have to think about that stuff. You shouldn’t have to.” Her voice is firm, because she needs him to know just how much she believes that. Just how much she cares about him and values their connection.

It’s suffocating, this feeling of helplessness. Normally Gina takes a hopeless situation and turns it around by trying even harder, putting in even more work to reach her goal, but this time it’s too late. It doesn’t matter that EJ’s physically here now, in the same state, the same room, on the same vacation as her. She thinks she’ll always look at her time apart from him due to college as a negative.

Then it’s rushing out of her at once, her vision clouding as she articulates it all to him. “I would’ve loved to visit you, EJ. I wanted to go to New York the second you left. I know you were having a hard time transitioning and I really missed you and you’re telling me I could’ve visited for even a day, I couldn’t do anything from Salt Lake to make it better—”

He realizes she’s about to cry before she does, whispering her name and opening his arms. She doesn’t hesitate, just moves forward and slips into the hug, collapsing against him in his bed. It soothes her in a way her nervous fidgeting never could. Their legs tangle as he pulls her closer, cocooning her in his warmth. As upset as she is at having missed out on visiting him at NYU last year, she appreciates the effort he’s putting in now. She feels the same brush of his lips across her forehead as she thought she felt on her head back at the airport, but this time she knows it’s real. EJ’s pressing her body to his like his life depends on it, and he’s kissing her skin like her life depends on it. Maybe it does.

Subconsciously she recognizes just how different this is. The last time she cried to someone during a serious conversation, she got a hug but the distance was vast. This isn’t like that. There’s not any way to compare them. While Ricky caused her restless nights reliving embarrassing moments, EJ lets her cry against him and she doesn’t feel one ounce of shame while doing it. She just feels safe.

࿏

Gina wakes up the next morning more comfortable than she’s ever been, her breathing still slowed as she comes to. Sunlight is trying to slip through the closed curtains and the bedside lamp is on, the TV volume turned low but still playing. It takes her a moment longer to realize why that is, and why she’s so warm— 

EJ’s arms are wrapped around her. Her knee is slotted between his, her hands pressed to his chest and her head in the crook of his neck. Understanding all of this doesn’t make it click completely, not until she feels his bare chest rising and falling underneath her fingertips. Then she gets it. She fell asleep with EJ Caswell, all cuddled up.

She doesn’t overanalyze it—barely analyzes it, actually—she just knows she’s perfectly fine with their position, prefers it really, and so she smiles, breathes in the scent of his aftershave, and lays her head back down to go back to sleep. She doesn’t entertain the idea of looking at how peaceful he is when he sleeps, how soft his features are, or just how handsome he is. She knows all that already. She recognizes that every time she sees him.

Gina has no clue how much time passes between her initially waking up and the sudden pounding on the door, but she understands instantly that EJ’s conscious this time as well. He moves before she does and she feels the exact moment his arms tense up as he realizes he’s holding her. And she’s an actress, alright, she can defuse this situation and act like it’s her first time noticing their position before it becomes a situation.

But then her eyelids slowly open and—alright, she’s not prepared for the way he’s looking at her right now. There’s the slightest of crinkles between his eyebrows, his lips parted a bit as his eyes flicker over her face. It has to be close to how she first regarded him earlier before she went back to sleep. She’s suddenly surprised she’s never gotten lost in his green irises before; then again, they’ve never been quite this close to her before.

“I think we fell asleep,” he murmurs in the huskiest tone she’s ever heard him use, and if she wasn’t prepared for how he’s looking at her then she’s really not prepared for that. 

Gina turns the hitch in her breath into a regular inhale and breathes out, “I think Ash is knocking,” but her tone’s still fluttery. Her pulse is beginning to thrum in the same manner. She can feel his heartbeat under her palms.

EJ nods after a moment, his arms loosening around her just enough that the accidental skin-to-skin contact that’s borne from it sends a ripple of gooseflesh across her lower back. He removes his hold on her completely after that and Gina has to wonder if he can tell just how on edge she is right now, or if he’s too on edge himself to notice. “I’ll get the door,” he tells her, only breaking eye contact when he has to roll to get out of the bed. Their legs untangle as he does so and Gina’s two seconds from bursting into flames.

She turns onto her back and tosses an arm over her head, feeling the cool of the pillow. It doesn’t lower her body temperature at all. Faintly she hears the door open and the Caswell cousins exchanging a few words, but her thoughts are way too muddled to make out what they’re saying. It’s like every sense is overwhelmed with only one word, and it’s her best friend’s name. Over and over again, the flashing neon light from graduation.

“Hey Gin—oh shit, why is only one bed slept in?” 

But Gina hears that perfectly clear, Ash’s surprised yet pleased tone cutting through the noise.

EJ’s angled back to her now, their eyes meeting happening to be just what Gina doesn’t need right now. She can’t stare into his green eyes and think about how nice it felt to be held by him and how much she wants him to hold her again, not when his cousin and her (back home) roommate is waiting for an answer. An obvious one at that, but the delivery of it still matters.

Her brain fully short circuits before she manages to say, “I’m getting dressed,” and clamber to her feet, as much to leave the room as to show Ashlyn that she is in fact wearing clothes. EJ says at almost the same time, “We’ll be out in a bit, Ash!” and slams the door in her face.

Gina disappears into the bathroom to change first, hoping it gives EJ the time he needs to come to terms with their sleeping arrangement and not freak out. She dresses slowly and splashes water on her face, but the rosiness to her cheeks just refuses to leave. Her reflection smiles at her as she accepts it. Accepts that this is something she likes, something she enjoys, something she wants. What that looks like in practice, she can’t let herself think about just yet. She needs more than one morning to bask in the lightness and familiarity and rush that EJ ignites in her. Probably that he’s always ignited. 

She doesn’t bring it up when she finally exits the bathroom and they swap places and neither does he. He’s back to his usual, joking self once he’s dressed, so Gina takes that as the go-ahead to proceed as normal. She’s glad he doesn’t apologize because she doesn’t want to lie and apologize back. She doesn’t regret anything.

࿏

excuse me, have you been kidnapped?

i’m in the gym actually

fodndkfjg

BEFORE me??

scratch that, WITHOUT ME?

oh please

i brought a book and my phone w me

i’m down here WAITING for you

okay as excited as i am to have someone to talk to while working out

to have *me to talk to, but continue

we could’ve just walked down together

yeah but i couldn’t sleep and i didn’t wanna wake you up for that

uGh i wish i knew that. 

knew what?

i couldn’t sleep either. 

well clearly you were sleeping when i left

for like 5min tops, probably. 

idk why, i slept fine the rest of the trip.

and you did too, right? so why now?

yeah super weird

get your ass down here

it’s arm day, not ass day. 

[photo: unamused AKA clearly amused Gina surrounded by workout machines]

nowww

࿏

[photo: sad abstract painting]

i don’t think i’m doing this right

on the contrary, i think you’re doing it exactly right

idg why they split the room into two groups. 

being around you might’ve made this BETTER, bc it can’t get worse. 

probably something to do w less distractions

are you saying i get distracted by you?

i’m having flashbacks to when you and the drama club visited nini and me at work actually

IFNRKF

jenny had had eNOUGH w you that day

i wasn’t even flirting!

like that matters? you looked in my general direction and she was fed up 

maybe ash told the instructors here about that and they separated us

betrayal

if i had any reason to believe she’d do that i’d talk to her but that seems counterintuitive

yeah speaking of counterintuitive, i think big red is trying to read my texts gkfnfkg bye

࿏

[calling: gina 💃🏾✨]

[call duration: 2min 31sec]

see the goal was for you to be HERE by the time we hung up

i’ve gotta peeeee ej gimme a sec

sec

rude

࿏

[calling: babe 🍚]

[call duration: 58sec]

sEe thE GOaL wAs—

and guess what. 

i have to pee. 

copycat 

*actor. 

*actor stealing from actress

as one does. 

hurry UP

the movie starts in like twenty minutes w all those previews, give me at LEASH a minute 

LEASH

[ one minute later ]

minute

oh my god our humor is too similar

࿏

future quartet | 11:03am

[kourt] sooo his abs?

[gina] we just fell asleep kourt

[nini] omg who fell asleep

[kourt] notice i didn’t have to say who i was talking about for gina to respond hmmm

[ashlyn] 👀

i’m surprised you didn’t jump on this sooner kourt, ik biggie told you when it happened

[nini] OMG !!!!

࿏

The sense of longing doesn’t fade much over the next few days. Not even after Ashlyn had to wake them up because they were late for canoeing, or after Big Red obviously gossiped to Kourtney as soon as he found out. Kourt actually utilized the rarely-used girls’ group chat just to talk about the subject. The conversation was small and yet very, very pointed.

Gina tries to take it in stride because it’s not like she hasn’t started on her own path to discovering how exactly she feels about EJ. She figures it’s been a long road, actually, going all the way back to the plane ticket if she’s being honest, but it’s not over just yet. She’s not going to jump to a conclusion that got her burned so badly last time, even though she has no doubt in her mind EJ would never hurt her. He’s just too important to risk on whatever crush she’s developed.

She reminds herself of this every time they head back to the hotel and she has the urge to snuggle into him on his bed again, to turn on a movie and just fall asleep cocooned in EJ’s arms. Because they’ve done that before, she’s constantly falling asleep on him and they watch more than enough movies together, but the hotel room of it all and the fact that they made it to the morning once shifts the dynamic a bit. Instead she falls asleep in her own bed, body facing his and an arm outstretched in the space between them. 

She reminds herself of this every time they’re sitting across from Big Red and Ashlyn at meals, looking back at one couple while feeling like another. Gina and EJ share food the same as them, they have inside jokes, they order risotto the second they set foot in an Italian restaurant. Their chairs are close enough for them to knock knees and leave them there, pressed together as if they need physical contact to keep them grounded. Gina’s mind drifts to their dinner with Miss Jenn and Mr. Mazzara more than once, because now she has to wonder if that was a date. If this is a date. If all of these are dates.

She reminds herself of this every time they purposely bump into each other and brush hands and hug and even fucking smile at each other during their group outings. It’s all normal for them, and Gina knows that. EJ tossing her over his shoulder on the beach and their friends laughing and clapping and commenting on how cute it is. How ecstatic Gina is anytime he pays her a compliment, which is already an extremely common occurrence. The way her stomach seems to float whenever he laughs, truly laughs at—at anything, because EJ’s happiness has always brought her immense joy. It’s all normal.

She doesn’t think the reminders are helping.

So of course their first shift together after getting home is closing, spent cuddling the animals and sweeping the area and only having each other for company. It’s enjoyable, and fun, and should not be weird at all.

It’s confusing her even more.

EJ’s disheveled from the workday, for lack of a better term, and the only thing Gina can see when she looks at him is his bedhead from that one morning. Her pulse quickens and her mind shifts into overdrive, and then she has to avert her gaze and go—go clean one of the bathrooms or something.

Being flustered around him is a new emotion. She reflects on this as she wipes down the sinks in the restroom and catches how flushed her face is in the mirror. Nothing happened today that should constitute this reaction beyond his regular cutesy comments and the way his hair looks right now, so it’d be extremely helpful if her thoughts could shut the fuck up. Gina Porter doesn’t blush—unless it’s about EJ Caswell, time and time again breaking the rule. What. The hell.

She’s made a decision to push past whatever she’s feeling right now and interact with him like she doesn’t potentially have a tiny crush on him, because she’s made stupid choices in the past but sidestepping EJ this much while they’re alone at work is just too much. It’s borderline embarrassing, honestly. Gina Porter might blush now, but she doesn’t do embarrassed.

That’s the mantra she says to herself as she puts away the cleaning agents and heads back to the pens. EJ assured her he would stay and help the energetic puppies get some exercise so they’d hopefully go to sleep soon instead of keeping the rest of the shelter awake. She doubts he’s made much progress.

“How’s it going, Eej?” she calls out before she rounds the corner, brushing off her jeans like it’ll toss her feelings aside as well. If only.

“Take a guess,” he says through a laugh, and then there’s a thud, and then she’s within view and—yeah, he’s definitely trapped beneath a German shepherd with a husky barking bloody murder at them both.

How can one person be so… “You’re adorable,” Gina admits, opening the pen and coming to crouch beside them before leaning back to keep the door closed.

EJ manages to sit up after another moment, shaking his head at the dog. “Awe, thanks Gi. Flirting aficionado.”

She smirks. “Oh, sorry, I meant the dog.”

And he laughs again, shoving at her knee like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard. She wonders if he realizes she’s 5000% lying. “Nah, but really, this little guy needs more friends,” EJ admits, shifting to scratch behind the dog’s ears. Immediately the dog emits a low, content whine. “I’m not around all the time.”

Gina crosses her legs, nodding. “I know. But beyond that, I wish we got more customers, period.”

“Fuck, I know.”

“Like, this is a busy street. Does no one have a heart?”

She’s playing it up a bit—but not much—and the somber but admiring twinkle in EJ’s eye lets her know he understands. “Not everyone has such strong emotions about animals as we do.” A pause, and then, “For example, I’ve considered kidnapping about half of these dogs and a handful of cats.”

Gina breaks into a grin. “Aren’t you allergic to cat hair?”

He arches one eyebrow. “Pawn them off on Nini and Ashlyn.”

“Don’t forget Ricky asked about a therapy dog the other day,” she adds, pointing a finger at him.

He points back. “Ah, but I’m not sharing the wealth, babe.”

The name squeezes her heart, reminding her just how much adoration she has for the boy in front of her. As if she needs to be reminded. “I’m gonna need a cut of that, babe,” she settles on, leaning forward for emphasis and faux intimidation. “I’m a dog person too.”

He plays it up, too. “Sorry, I’m the dog whisperer.”

“Eej, you literally just fell down two seconds ago because a puppy pounced on you.”

“I stand by my statement.”

“And I stand by my statement: golden retriever.”

The callback has him cackling, a quick sound and then he’s smiling so wide she wonders why she didn’t realize she felt this way sooner. “Would you want a golden retriever?”

Gina doesn’t even have to think before squinting and tilting her head. “Why would I need to when I already have one right in front of me?”

EJ can only grin at her, teeth blinding her but not so much that she forgets the pounding in her chest.

This is probably gonna be a common occurrence, she realizes. The way her heart jumps up into her throat at any attention from her best friend. The constant love thrumming through her veins at his antics, his stupid comments, his caring reassurances. The insane amount of serotonin and general excitement she gets any time he comes home, because he’s her best friend and she loves him and if home were a person it might as well be him, because he’s never once left her, not even when they’re physically apart. He makes the effort, he goes the distance, and she loves him for that reason and many, many others. EJ Caswell’s easily the most lovable person she’s ever met. Her best friend.

Her best friend. Why does it make so much sense?

“You got any names picked out?” EJ asks, successfully pulling her out of her self-reflection. He’s playing so intently with the German shepherd right in front of him that Gina doesn’t think before speaking like she would if they were making eye contact. 

“Granola.” He raises his gaze to meet hers and she struggles to maintain it, but ultimately she falls into the green depths and gestures at the puppy. “He looks kind of like that color.” Truthfully EJ’s slipped her more than one granola bar before morning announcements and during shifts, so it’s not only fresh in her mind but attached to the guy in front of her. Just like all of her thoughts.

“So we’re getting a German shepherd?”

She sees the moment he realizes he alluded to them owning a dog together, and she responds before he can overanalyze it. “Yeah. Specifically him, so keep track of those adoption papers for at least a year, alright?”

EJ offers her a smile, his teeth glinting in the light but his eyes focused all the same. He stays silent because he can’t really promise that, although Gina gets the impression if there were any way to keep this little puppy for them then he’d do it. She gets back to work with that knowledge sitting heavily on her heart.

Gina and EJ have been at Carlos’s pool party for a grand total of three minutes when he turns to her with a cheeky grin and she has to force her eyes to steer clear of his abs. “Chicken fight?” he asks, teeth glinting in the early afternoon sunlight.

Most of their friends are lost in their own world. Ashlyn and Big Red are holding hands and whispering to each other on a lounge chair in the corner, Seb and Kourtney are gossiping from separate chairs with their phones in hand, and Ricky and Howie are staring the water down like it’s personally offended them. Gina and EJ just passed Nini and Carlos on the way to the pool, so Gina knows they’ll be out soon and then the party will actually start. She has a moment to collect her thoughts, but she also doesn’t. Not when EJ’s looking at her so expectantly.

Gina tilts her head and drops her bag on a lounge chair, waiting until he does the same next to her before replying. “Are we a team or going head to head?”

“Easy,” he says, and maybe her gaze dips down to his chest. Just for a moment. “I always want Gina Porter on my team.”

He’s being his normal sentimental and incredibly sweet self and Gina’s struggling to ignore his physique. She shakes her head to rid her mind of such odd thoughts, then smirks at him like she usually would. “Damn right you do. 1.0 here we come.”

EJ holds up a hand for a high five. She’s relenting while he asks the group, “Anyone down to do chicken right now? Ricky, you can’t be the base so we don’t have a repeat of Thanksgiving.”

Ricky snorts from the edge of the pool, already halfway in. “I’ll steal Howie. He can probably lift me.”

“There’s no probably about it,” Howie jokes, then cannonballs in, like it proves his point.

“Nice,” Kourtney snaps, shifting in her seat and putting her hands on her hips. Something about that combined with her polka-dotted two-piece really accentuates her mood and has Gina hiding a snort of her own. “I’m chopped liver.”

Howie runs a hand over his wet hair and snarks back, “You’ve got friends. Seb?”

Kourtney and Seb exchange a single look and then dissolve into giggles. Plenty of confused glances are passed around before she says through another laugh, “Yeah no, we’re not pairing up. Not again.”

“It’s for the best,” Seb agrees, covering his smile and leaning into her side.

Nini comes out of the screened-in patio with Carlos then, both carrying bowls of chips and pitchers of refreshments. “I’ll be on your team Kourt,” she offers with a smile.

Carlos smiles at Seb. “I’ve got you, babe.”

Big Red might squeal in the background. “We’re a team too!” Ashlyn waves their hands around, both of them wearing equally wide smiles.

EJ points at his cousin and hollers, “It’s war!”

Gina grabs his other arm to form a unified front (definitely not to appreciate his bicep), adding, “Portwell Enterprises ‘bout to fuck you up!”

There’s silence as everyone starts to get to their feet, and then Howie just laughs. “You two are dorks.”

Nini goes down pretty quickly, which was to be expected when set against Gina 1.0. Right afterward she and EJ are up against Ricky and Howie, who make a FORCE to be reckoned with. There’s a solid struggle for three minutes, then it starts giving on both sides before Gina starts laughing and loses not long after. Once EJ helps her back up Ricky asks what was so funny. Maybe a couple of months ago it wouldn’t have been acceptable to admit, but Ricky gets a kick out of “that was the longest we’ve ever held hands, even as a couple” and Kourtney chokes.

The rounds don’t normally go like that, though. For the most part it’s all smack-talk and a swift, clean end. EJ never cheats unless he’s facing off with his cousin. A litany of “Stop kicking me!” “We have judges watching this, you know,” and “Disqualified! Treason! EJ FOR FUCK’S SAKE” escapes Ashlyn the whole way through. Gina’s not surprised they only play against Ash and Big Red once, but she does notice how EJ’s grip on her legs tightens any time he makes a sudden movement. She smiles softly at him when she gets down after that round.

One thing that takes everyone by surprise, however, is just how vicious Seb is. Gina, Nini, Ricky, Big Red, it doesn’t matter: they’re losing. On one hand it makes sense, because Seb lives on a farm and must build and maintain muscle constantly. On the other hand, it’s Seb. He shoves Ricky over like he’s slamming a locker door shut and Howie has to hold Ricky up afterward. (Seb apologizes, but Ricky’s fine.) Carlos has to fan himself and tell the group that he’s falling in love with his boyfriend all over again. That’s verbatim, actually. Kourtney has a video.

The shenanigans wind down eventually once the sun sets and the pool lights kick on, bathing them in a light glow that feels like the epitome of summer to Gina. She lays on a floatie for a while and begins to nod off, then Howie flips her over and her first reaction is to cling to EJ upon resurfacing.

Kourt’s shoving at Howie and saying, “What if she couldn’t swim? Star of the show can’t drown!”

Howie just blinks, a small laugh leaving him. “Did you just get here, Kourtney? She’s practically been an Olympian in this pool today.”

EJ nudges her then, his wrist knocking against her side and something is definitely wrong with her because that bit of contact seems to set her skin on fire. Gina looks at him, her arms loosely tangled around his neck like that time they slow danced. Don’t think of that time, don’t think of that time— 

“How’re you feeling, apparent Olympian?” he murmurs, breath tickling the shell of her ear. The intimacy isn’t lost on her because the pinpricks of heat coursing through her force her to be very, very aware.

Gina swallows, passing it off at trying to catch her breath or collect herself. It’s all for show, though, and he can definitely tell. She just hopes he thinks she’s being dramatic. Which is why she pulls her legs up and around his waist and latches onto him more, hooking her chin over his shoulder. “Glad some random AV club archery nerd triples as a lifeguard.”

He buys it, miraculously, leaning into their familiar banter like having Gina wrapped around him isn’t a new feeling. “You forgot the superhero genes.”

“Superhero- adjacent. Calm down, Marvel fan.”

Ricky asks, “We playing chicken again?” and Gina immediately makes eye contact with him, so she knows he’s saying this because of how she and EJ are intertwined. Ricky’s gaze lingers but doesn’t burn. There’s no irritation in it. But Gina still senses the look— not quite Ashlyn’s look™, but a look all the same.

Carlos perks up beside him, cuddled on a lounge chair with Seb. “Will I get to see my boyfriend kick some ass again?”

Ash just snorts. “Carlos, Seb’s been asleep for twenty minutes now.”

“Chicken is cancelled,” he deadpans.

Even with that decree, everyone who’s still in the pool makes no move to exit besides Kourtney. EJ enters a short conversation with Nini about some weird summer camp memory involving the lake and kid floaties, Big Red continues inching around the pool coping like it’s a dedicated workout, and Howie does cannonballs and other active shit. 

Gina stays right where she is though, her heartbeat thrumming a rapid beat in her chest at the prolonged contact. She wonders if EJ can feel how on-edge she is, if he’s curious about the reason or knows exactly what’s going on. Maybe his heart is banging around in his chest too and she just can’t tell. If she could focus for more than two seconds at a time then maybe she’d be able to figure it out.

As it is, she’s stuck thinking about how close their faces will be if she pulls back. How the second she lets go she’ll have to figure out another reason to touch him. How, with their proximity, her eyes can easily be drawn to his lips. How much she enjoys his hands on her thighs, holding her up, keeping her safe, surrounding her in the best possible way. How she kissed him once before on the Fourth of July. How kissing him now would mean something entirely different. How she kind of wants to do it.

Gina’s glad that she’s tasked with entertaining the dogs in the farthest part of the backroom because somehow she’s been scheduled at the same time as both EJ and Nini for once and her mind’s riddled too much to make normal conversation with either of them. They know her too well. Surely one of them would pick up on the fact that she kinda, maybe, sort of really wants to make out with her best friend—and the absolute last thing she needs is for said best friend to piece it together.

She also hasn’t called her mom in a bit for that exact reason as well.

Too many people to avoid but not really.

Things haven’t been different since the pool party, honestly, and maybe that’s the problem. It feels less like the earth shifted on its axis and more like it righted itself, sliding into place the second Gina let herself fantasize about kissing EJ. She realizes it wasn’t the first time, either. There have been moments where she’s had to derail her train of thought right before she reached that conclusion, like—god, like at the ski resort. That ‘Step in Time’ stare. And slow dancing, probably. Definitely waking up in his arms on vacation.

And, oh yeah, when she literally kissed him on the Fourth of July.

She feels stupid for not noticing it before. She’s never had a problem admitting EJ’s attractiveness at all, and logically she might enjoy kissing someone she found attractive, so it’s not weird really. Except for when she recalls how odd it felt to kiss Ricky when he was her boyfriend. She still finds him attractive, but their whole relationship shouldn’t have come to fruition in the first place. That one boy at the airport last year was super cute, and yet, she never thought about kissing him.

Which leads her to her next conclusion: that her physical attraction to EJ only sets her on edge because she’s emotionally attracted to him as well. Again, it makes sense. They’re best friends and talk constantly; of course they’re emotionally and mentally matched up.

But that’s a little different than wanting to make out with him.

Gina catches the tail-end of Nini’s sentence at the perfect time to shut her brain off. “It’s just a Ricky thing,” her friend sighs, shuffling around a few pens down. “I’ve been meaning to get Gina’s opinion on it because I talked to Kourt and she’s firmly in the ‘girl, move on with your life’ lane, which isn’t exactly comforting…”

Her gaze snaps to the nearest wall separating them. She’s glad Nini wants to confide in her but less glad that they’ve both been waffling between bringing the topic up. Feelings are a bitch, she thinks bitterly, scratching the puppy behind the ears. She’s pretty sure his name is Mateo.

“Can’t say you don’t know where Kourtney stands.”

“Ha! No, I definitely cannot, and I love her for that. Just not the answer I wanted to hear, is all.”

There’s a long stretch of silence and some muted movement. “I mean… maybe this should be a weird conversation to have, y’know, as exes and all, but if you wanna talk about him… you can.”

Pause. “This is how you are with everyone, isn’t it? Kind and willing to listen at all times?”

“Eh, I have my moments.”

“No, but that’s who you are at your core.” Gina smiles to herself, heart soaring at how humble EJ’s become, how much he lets himself love people. “Too bad we’re not right for each other.”

EJ laughs immediately, trying to turn it into a cough after a second. “Sorry, I, uh. My mind’s elsewhere.”

Gina wonders how she can hear the smirk in Nini’s voice when she says, “Oh trust me, I know,” but she does and it piques her interest. “But about Ricky.”

“Yes, please.”

She has to switch pens and clean a few messes, so she misses the next part of their conversation. She’s not worried though. She’s relieved, actually. There still hasn’t been a perfect time to ask Nini about Ricky without touching on her probably repressed feelings, but now EJ’s doing it for her. And like Nini just commented on, he’s the perfect person to confide in during a conversation like this. Gina’s smiling to herself and stepping into the golden retriever puppy’s pen because he reminds her of EJ, as he should.

She tunes back in to catch EJ’s advice. “This time apart could be good for you both. Grow as individuals, figure out who you are and what you want out of life. And it’s not a straight line, right? You could still circle back and realize you work again.”

“I’ve thought of that too, it’s just… Gina.”

The dog’s ears perk up at her name just as she lifts her head, looking in the direction of their voices. What about her? Nini can’t possibly be thinking— 

“What, Ricky?” EJ sounds as incredulous about the idea as she feels.

“Not like that, god.” Nini laughs lightly. “That ship has sailed, I’m just thinking about how he’s dated someone since we broke up and I’m still. I don’t know. Here.”

Gina’s breathing returns to normal. 

“Experience has nothing to do with it, but if you want to date someone in the meantime that’s not a bad thing.”

“You’re not dating someone in the meantime.”

“In the meantime? The meantime of what?”

Her thoughts shift to Aly, because of fucking course they do. Now that she knows she has some semblance of a crush on her best friend—apparently she’s completely unable to separate her romantic emotions from her platonic ones; look at her track record—the unsettled feeling about Aly makes sense. It does, and EJ’s not interested in her anyway, but it still burns in Gina’s chest. 

“Just... the meantime.”

Long pause. “Nini. Come on.”

“I don’t know if Ricky still feels a connection with me, but I do, and the whole thing’s intertwined anyway, so I’m just saying.”

“Say less.” Gina almost snorts at his bluntness. In any case, Nini doesn’t listen.

“It’s not like I looked at Ricky and Gina and thought ‘oh, it’ll never last,’ because that wasn’t it, but…” Gina puts all her focus into petting this golden retriever in front of her, holding his tiny little face in her hands and letting him pepper her cheeks with kisses. The topic is once again shifting onto her and she hasn’t had a great history of overhearing things about herself. She’s not even sure Nini’s going to continue, actually, and then she says in a softer voice, “I kinda didn’t think they would.”

There’s another pause here, but now the puppy is moving on from Gina to terrorize one of his friends. She’s left to lean back against the wall and wait for more context. She’s not sure she gets it, not when all EJ says is “I don’t like how you’re looking at me” and then must start pouring out dog food, because she can’t hear anything for a long moment. He has to be doing this on purpose.

Nini waits until he stops making noise. “I’m not saying anything,” she clarifies in a very obvious ‘we can pretend this didn’t happen’ tone of voice. Gina knows the conversation wasn’t meant for her ears, but god does she wish Nini would say more. Just to piece it together, even if she’s right on the precipice of doing that herself.

In preparation for their senior year, Gina, Ash, Carlos, Seb, and Natalie get together one Saturday and run rampant in the clothing stores around town. The outing is non-negotiable, attendance mandatory, and Rodriguez-scheduled—that is to say, Gina knows they’ll have a good time.

It’s unsurprising in the best possible way seeing how her friends choose their clothes, diss others, and especially where they shop. Carlos heads to more high-end print-based stores, dragging everyone along for a solid hour and a half before Seb sees a new pair of worker boots across the street and squeals. 

how’s the shopping going? find anything good?

The only thing that could make the day better has been texting her since she and Ash left home, Seb picking them up, waving to EJ standing like a father at the door. Any chance Gina has at forgetting the newly conflicted feelings is swiftly kicked aside the second EJ’s distinctive text tone sounds and babe 🍚 pops up in her notifications tab. She ignores the little looks her friends send her way and responds in kind each time.

you say, as if i wont look good in everything

that was implied.

seb’s taking the reins after carlos forced us into the fanciest stores i’ve ever seen

you probably shop in them exclusively

thanks.

clearly carlos and i have the same style.

idk you might be soulmates

“Gi, am I sugar mommaing you?” Ashlyn asks in a hushed tone at one point, letting Natalie lead and smack Seb’s hands away from candy carts they pass. The question successfully derails any and all EJ thoughts for about two seconds.

Gina snorts, tucking her phone in the side pocket of her leggings. “I think I’m good. Thanks, Ash.”

Her roommate just shrugs. “EJ was pestering me to buy something for you from him, but I knew you wouldn’t go for it.”

Aaaand there it is. Gina cloaks herself in careful indifference and says, “Because he wasn’t allowed to come today or?”

But Ashlyn sees right through it; she sees through something at least, giving her roommate a disbelieving look. “No, of course not. It’s not like both of you asked me five thousand times if he could tag along.”

Natalie calls back, “Are we discussing their codependency already? I figured we’d hit that after lunchtime.”

Gina’s face burns a brilliant shade of red as she struggles to come up with a solid response. “We’re—we’re not codependent, okay? We just like hanging out.” She stares straight at Ash. “And it was not five thousand times.”

Seb just shrugs. “I think it’s cute.”

“Not when it’s threatening my shopping itinerary,” Carlos grumbles.

The first chance she gets to pull out her phone inconspicuously (whether or not it’s actually inconspicuous is up for debate. Her friends are watching her like hawks today), she uses that moment to text EJ about this new information.

you’re not buying my school clothes for me

i wanted one (1) outfit, not a whole wardrobe.

like a ‘happy senior year’ gift.

by that logic i should’ve gotten you a senior year outfit

we weren’t friends at the beginning of the year gi.

now i know and love you and want to be ✨special✨

you’ve got that down to a t, eej

touché. 

let’s go shopping for your birthday, yeah?

that wasn’t the deal. 

good thing it’s a big year for you and you can’t say no to me 😌

…true. both are true. 

save the date babe

fondjff no chance of forgetting my bday but cute sentiment anyway

oh shut up

i’ll shut up once i buy you an outfit

not on your BIRTHDAY

😌 can’t stop me. 

😡

❤️

Whatever shot she had at getting away with the exchange unnoticed goes flying out the window. She’s grinning too hard at the screen and Carlos starts on a semi-serious rant that takes them well past lunch and into their second half of shopping.

Gina’s having a really, really bad day.

Not only are EJ and Nini off work right now, but only two other people are on shift until closing and Gina’s stuck out front. She’s been dealing with pretentious families coming and going for the last two hours, parents finally giving into their child’s wish to get a pet just as the summer’s ending. Normally this many customers would fill her with hope for the little babies in the back, but all of these people fit only one type to her: painfully unprepared and unwilling to have a pet.

The kids are too thrilled to notice how their parents steer them past the more excitable animals, turning their nose up at the older ones or the scruffier ones or God forbid the previously abused ones. It makes her blood boil enough on its own, but the way they ask her questions about them? Yes, that one was left behind when their owner moved. Yes, that one is underweight; we’re trying to get her back to a normal weight. No, we do not have any ‘cleaner’ pets. You know this is an animal shelter, right? As in you don’t get to be a dick about how any of them appear, because they’ve been through enough?

She’s fighting back tears every time she’s able to slip her phone out and send EJ a quick text. He responds quickly each time, doing everything in his power to keep her calm, but without him here it’s just not having the same effect.

if i have to hear one more person make a disgusting comment about any of these animals

i SWEAR i will kick them out on sight

gi, take a couple deep breaths. head into the back when you can. maybe get someone else to cover for you for like two minutes?

elise is busy feeding in the back and jake’s cleaning the restrooms 

i’m stuck 

i’m so upset by this eej

i know how you feel

you get off at 7, right?

and not a minute before

just hang tight til then, alright? i’ll pick you up. 

She actually forgets to respond in her cloudy, depressive haze, but the weight on her heart lessens the tiniest bit. 

The promise of getting to see EJ after work gets her through the next forty-five minutes, each one dragging on longer than the last. But eventually it’s closing time, Jake disappears out the back door, Elise flips the OPEN sign to CLOSED, and then the two part ways. Gina’s sweaty from all the hustling around and angry from the judgmental pricks, but the second she steps outside she sees EJ’s already waiting and she at least enjoys that moment of relief.

She expects him to soothe her once she gets in the car, but he flips her expectation on its head as usual by climbing out of the car, leaving the door open, and wrapping her up in his arms. This is the kind of thing most people would be self-conscious about, hugging when in such a disheveled state. Gina doesn’t even consider not hugging him back. She leans into him, head dropping into the crook of his neck as he pulls her closer. She’s never felt safer.

“Thanks for coming,” she somehow remembers to mumble amidst the full-body sigh of relief that’s happening.

“Nothing to thank me for,” he murmurs back, sounding both close and far away. She figures that has something to do with crickets chirping in the otherwise still night air, the atmosphere wildly intimate and yet, not intimate enough. How long has she wanted more than this?

Does he want more than this?

She’s stuck on the thought as he leads her back to the car. She’s stuck on the thought as he opens her door for her, shutting it gently once she’s safely inside. She’s stuck on the thought as he pointedly looks at her seatbelt once he gets back in the car, as he’s always done. She’s stuck on the thought. All day she was stuck at work and the never-ending slew of frustrating comments, and now she’s stuck on EJ.

They drive for maybe two minutes before Gina sits up, fingertips resting on the edge of the window sill. They’re not going to either of their houses. “Where are we headed?”

EJ just hums. “Seems like a risotto kind of night to me. You?”

It’s a sweet thought and definitely not one Gina wants to shut down, but… “Eej, I actually feel too gross to go inside a restaurant right now.”

“Then I’ll go in and get takeout.”

“I love you.” She blurts it out, not having to consider a single moment if it’s the right thing to say, because it’s what she wants to say.

“Good.” A quick glance at him shows he’s smiling, though, small and real and happy. “Glad it’s reciprocated.”

Her mind spins at the wording, at the way she’s been feeling for longer than she cares to admit. It feels like an invisible hand clawing at her heart, goading her into assessing her emotions right now. EJ said it’s reciprocated; overanalyze that right now, as if you haven’t said ‘I love you’ all the time for most of the year.

The drive to their favorite restaurant is quiet, save for EJ calling ahead with their orders and the low-volume show tunes playing through the speakers. He’s not singing along this time to let her decompress. She doesn’t tell him that listening to him belt out ‘I’d Rather Be Me’ from Mean Girls would single-handedly save her entire day. She’s too busy compartmentalizing.

Their food is ready by the time they pull into the parking lot. EJ leaves the car on as he runs inside to grab the takeout, allowing Gina exactly one minute to catch her breath and brush off all the less than platonic emotions she’s currently experiencing. It backfires, predictably: the entire vehicle smells like his cologne.

He doesn’t bother telling her where they’re going, just pulls out of the lot and drives for five more minutes until they’re easing into a spot at the park. The sun is just starting to set, so he leaves his headlights on low and climbs out, taking the food from her and motioning to an empty bench. The hand is back around her heart. She wonders if it ever really left.

They settle in on the bench and she crosses her legs, the top of her right foot immediately grazing his thigh. The contact flashes her back to the ski resort, her legs tucked against his and her reluctance to leave him and the way she tried—tried so hard to brush off the way her gaze followed his tongue, focused on his lips, centered around all things EJ. ‘Crush’ probably doesn’t cover it. Not when it’s been this long.

“What would you prefer?” His voice drags her out of her thoughts. He’s speaking around a mouthful of risotto, a sight that maybe should be unappealing, but not when it’s EJ. Not when she’s in desperate need of a shower and he still hugged her because he knew she needed it. “We talk about the dickhead customers, hype up the pets, or something else?”

Gina sighs, popping in a spoonful to chew herself. “Something else, I think?”

“Granola? The dog we’re getting?”

She almost laughs, honestly. Why he felt the need to explain what he meant when she’s the one who picked the name, who ran with their co-owning a pet when he accidentally said it, is funny in the way that it’s not funny at all. She wants to get a dog with him. She wants to get an apartment with him. She wants him.

“Yes to that little man,” she winds up saying, tamping down the flurry of admiration swirling in her heart. She fixes her gaze on a random point of the silent playground in front of them, needing something else to watch.

EJ nods in her peripheral vision. “Should you talk about Granola or should I?”

The word echoes in her head like a gunshot, her lips lifting on their own accord. She pushes some of the food around, her legs tensing even as her foot continues to press against his thigh. It’s a lot like a numbing sensation. “You can. Please.”

“You’re probably gonna be the one dealing with the crate training. I’ve never had a dog before and seeing them upset as I leave them for the night might actually destroy me.”

Gina chokes on a laugh. “I haven’t had a dog, either. Where did you think I had time for one?”

EJ just blinks. “Gina. I will cry.”

She presses her lips together to suppress the next giggle. “Fine. I’ll do the crate training, but you’re getting the spiders.”

“Oh, I think the fuck not—”

They go back and forth like this for a while, planning out a future together without ever actually mentioning how intertwined they’re making themselves. Gina knows she’d like to keep the crate in the bedroom so there’s not too much separation anxiety, but if she mentions that she’ll either allude to the fact that they’ll be sleeping together or have to lie to herself and make it her bedroom. The way they woke up on vacation isn’t as taboo a topic as the Fourth was, but Gina’s careful not to bring it up too often. She doesn’t want to joke about it like everything else, because it meant a lot to her. It means so much to her that she kind of wants to wake up in his arms for the rest of her life.

She almost admits it then. Not to him— god not to him—but to herself. The word ‘crush’ is blinking less in her mind’s eye, attempting to morph into the word she’s really looking for. But she stamps it down and eats her risotto, listening to him fill the silence and ease her mind and solidify just how much she cares about him, because he cares for her too. And that’s all she’s ever wanted from anybody, but getting it from EJ Caswell feels like a prize.

A few days later Ash suggests they tell EJ that they’ve signed up for tours of NYU, Juilliard, etc. in October, so that’s what they do. He takes it very well, if “You’re both staying with me and Austin. I don’t care if he has a problem with it, I’m having my favorite girls at my apartment” means anything.

He actually insists they have a movie night to celebrate, hugging them both and refusing to let go until they agree. Ashlyn has to interject about the films so they don’t banter back and forth for an hour, though. It’s all such a family thing to do that Gina knows she’ll never take for granted, not when she’s found people she loves who love her back.

There is a niggling thought at the forefront of her mind for approximately two seconds: what the fuck Austin’s deal is. She knows EJ won’t actually verify their sleeping arrangements without speaking to him first, but that’s not what she’s worried about. Austin doesn’t like her; she’s sure of it, even without technically meeting him. And she’ll have to be in the same living quarters as him for a whole weekend. Potentially an extended weekend, if Ash convinces her parents.

Austin is an obstacle Gina seriously has to consider, but ultimately he doesn’t matter, her excitement sweeping the issue aside as EJ dances horrendously to intro music. That’s a problem for October. This good feeling is for right now.

Gina’s thankful for Ash pulling the Caswell family’s strings when it hits the seventeenth because now she gets to spend EJ’s entire birthday with him instead of just the last few hours. The risotto last year was delicious as always, but treading the college topic was rough. This year will be different. Especially since she planned a surprise.

If he were anyone other than EJ Caswell then Gina would bet he doesn’t remember what he said at Carlos’s quinceañero over a year ago. But he is EJ Caswell, and he said he wanted her to plan a birthday party for him, and what kind of best friend is she to deny him that wish on his twentieth?

To keep him off the trail, though, their friends are tasked with decorating his insanely huge backyard and navigating around Cash and Ava (something Gina’s content with escaping) while Gina drags him around town. She insists on driving, taking him to their risotto restaurant, the park where she got overwhelmed by her maybe-not-so-small feelings for him, East High’s auditorium, Seb’s farm to wave at the cows—and the list goes on. He buys her that senior year outfit, but she retaliates with a sweater she knows he’ll look great in. It feels like a more permanent goodbye than last year because of this trip, but EJ assures her he’s into it. 

Actually, his exact words are “There’s not a world where I wouldn’t want to spend the day with you,” but that’s only relevant to understand why she catches herself staring at him more than is probably acceptable.

It’s not as stark a contrast from their road trip back from Louisiana, really, which is slightly concerning but not wholly surprising. EJ’s a gorgeous soul and she’s grateful every day to have him in her life as much as she does. So what if she might be the tiniest bit infatuated with him, and for longer than she realized? 

Regardless, most of the trip centers around their conversation.

Gina signals as she changes lanes, cutting her eyes at him for a split second. They’re nearing the end of the normal portion of the day, but she’ll be damned if that means she ends this little game she’s been playing all day long. “Things you’re excited for in this next year of life. Go.”

“Uhh, coming home for Christmas,” he spitballs, talking with his hands in the passenger seat. It’s a new sight. “You and Ash coming to New York for your tours. Risotto.”

“Choose one that doesn’t involve me.”

“The list suddenly got a lot shorter.”

Pause as she collects herself and passes it off as an endeared eye roll. “You’re just saying that because you’re still scared of my driving.”

“I’m in the car, aren’t I?”

She ignores it, just like she ignores the amused flutter in her stomach. “Things you’re excited for this year, not including one fantastic best friend you may or may not be spending the day with. Go.”

EJ sighs dramatically like the theatre kid he is. He proves the statement right away. “More AV and musical stuff—hopefully both this time around. Panicked texts from Ash about schoolwork when we’re both awake at three a.m.” He inclines his head. “Nini promised to send me a couple of songs first when she finishes them; you already know they’ll be perfect, so.”

Gina raises an eyebrow, looking at him out of her peripheral vision. “How come you get to hear them first and not me? I’m wounded.”

“You might be surprised to know this, but we have a much closer relationship now that we’re not dating.”

A scoff. And then a quick flashback to the work conversation she overheard. “That’s nice.” She should probably consider investing in earplugs, or at the very least utilize her earbuds more.

“As long as none of the songs mention an ex-boyfriend that’s not Ricky, then yeah, nice.” He laughs. “We’ll see.”

“As if she’d shit on you now. Maybe before purely for the song, but not now.” 

“She still could if she wanted to.”

“Sorry, can’t hear you over how amazing you are,” Gina says in a near-singsong voice. “Tell me three things you enjoy about yourself.”

“Really, Gi?”

She can feel his gaze on her, surprised at the least and incredulous at the most. “Official EJ Caswell Fan Club President says so,” she insists, her grip tightening on the wheel. They’re less than five minutes out and so far he’s sufficiently distracted. And she really wants to know this anyway.

Silence. “Alright, fine. But you’re going after me.”

“I’ll wax poetic about you any day, babe.”

“I meant about yourself, but thanks.” There’s an upsettingly long pause as he gathers his thoughts, but eventually he gets out, “I’m very happy right now. Have been for a while, even that first semester where things weren’t so great because I got to keep in touch with you. I’m great at managing my time, although that might be a Caswell family thing overall and not just a me thing.”

There’s a lump in her throat. “I’ll allow it,” she manages to say in a small voice.

“I don’t know, the Duke thing? I made the right decision. I won’t regret that... Choosing to go for a role other than the Beast, because I really liked Gaston. The dogs—oh god, the dogs. Granola’s gonna have such a good life.”

There might be a wet laugh or two. Blinks once, twice, just to clear her vision enough to keep driving. “That’s more than three, but feel free to keep going. It’s nice to hear you be proud of yourself for once.”

She wants to say more. Wants to tell him how she’ll never forget how heartbroken she felt watching him express just how many times he’d screwed up way back when on Ash’s couch, when that was the only way he knew how to define himself. Wants to explain that even his failures played a part in who he is, and for the better. Wants to say just how proud she is of him every day, every hour, 24/7. There’s not a moment where she thinks of EJ and doesn’t start to smile.

But it’s his birthday, and this conversation is shifting dangerously close to waterworks territory, and she’s headed down his driveway about two seconds later. So she lets it go. She can tell him another time.

It’s only when she grabs his hand as they get out of the car and stops him just outside the backyard fence’s door, pulling him around the house as if they enter this way all the time or even choose his house as their hang out spot, that EJ shows some skepticism. She thinks that means he was too wrapped up in her to think about what might be in the works. The thought translates into a spark where their fingers are intertwined.

“We’re at my house why?” he asks, swinging his arm just enough that she’s drawn closer to him.

Gina just blinks. “Do you not live here?” He gives her a look, green eyes filled with skepticism. “I figured you might want to see your family a little bit on your birthday. You know. Since it’s a big one.”

He doesn’t bother to hide the ‘eh’ noise he makes. “I don’t know, I was pretty content with today so far.”

It’s not fair, really. EJ gets to say the sweetest stuff to her like it’s nothing while he holds her hand, and she has to stand there and think about how little distance she’d have to close to kiss him right then and there. She’s not going to do it; god, she won’t. Not today, on his birthday, where it wouldn’t have the same meaning as the Fourth and the whole situation would become a lot more about her than she’s comfortable with.

So of course Ash comes to the rescue, opening the fence door enough to seem normal but not to show the backyard. She pulls a quizzical expression. “Eej, come on, your parents thought we were having a family dinner on the patio. I had to explain that you very well may have run off with Gina.”

EJ laughs, but Gina pulls her hand away from his even as she keeps direct eye contact with Ashlyn. It seems a lot less suspicious than if she avoided it, but she’d bet anything that she’s blushing bright red.

She doesn’t have time to dwell on it though, because EJ steps toward the fence, Ashlyn swings the door open wide, and all their friends and his family yell surprise. The balloons she picked are tied to chairs and trees, the cake she ordered sits dead center amidst the disaster that is their friends blowing noisemakers and shrieking profanities (mainly Ricky and Howie). Kourt sits elegantly at a table off to the side, a picture of EJ’s Gaston eyebrows blown up behind her and her face painting materials. Nini and Seb are holding mics, ready to serenade the birthday boy and force everyone into karaoke.

The idea wasn’t as extravagant as Carlos’s, regrettably, but Gina wanted to capture the same fun vibe they always have together. Face painting has yet to happen on their vacations, but EJ’s spoken of it highly enough for Gina to glean it’s something he’d love to do, just like owning Granola. As if on cue, Jake and Elise walk in the other gate and let six puppies do zoomies around the backyard. Big Red might fall down.

Ashlyn calls out to her boyfriend, then turns to her cousin quickly. “We’ll all take photos of the dogs having a good time so they can go up on the shelter’s website. Free publicity, a chance for new homes, all that jazz.” She takes off toward Big Red. “Gi’s idea!” she throws over her shoulder.

That snaps EJ out of his silent stupor. The second he looks at Gina she breaks out into a grin. “You didn’t exactly hire me to throw you a birthday party, but that’s included in your friendship subscription.” She doesn’t fumble through it but her brain practically screams at her about the word ‘friendship,’ something she desperately wants to ignore, except...

He immediately picks her up, lifting her off the ground as her arms lock around him, their elation mingling until it’s one emotion, one beating heart. He’s laughing in her ear, saying thank you and I love you and a litany of praise that gets lodged in her heart like a map tack stating You Are Here. There’s a long moment in which she’s neither at the surprise party or in his arms or even in her head, she just is. She likes just being with EJ. She likes EJ, and she can almost pretend he feels the same way when he sets her back down and they make eye contact.

And that’s it, really. All it takes is one more look from EJ and Gina knows she’s way beyond a crush, or an infatuation, or whatever other lies she’s been trying to tell herself. Because there’s how she felt about Ricky two years ago, set on an unknown she had to fabricate in her head until the reality was nothing like what she wanted, and then there’s this. Then there’s EJ. EJ has never garnered anything other than her full attention, her total effort, and realizing she’s in love with him just makes so much damn sense that she’s too busy breathing it in to be scared right now.

The rest of the party nearly doubles as a celebration for her feelings, because everywhere she looks she sees happy EJ Caswell. A perfect birthday for him, and a perfect day for her. The terror can set in some other time, because right now she just wants to bask in this realization. She’s in love with him. She’s in love with her best friend. She’s in love with EJ Caswell, and nothing has ever made quite as much sense to her as this does.

Only a few days later the drama club orchestrates a farewell night for Ricky, Howie, and EJ. EJ doesn’t ship out for another week, but the college freshmen have orientation the same weekend and their respective planes take off tomorrow. So the Caswell cousins take matters into their own hands and find an under twenty-one club to go crazy at.

Gina trails in with Nini and Kourtney, exchanging quiet words of encouragement with them to get through the night. It’s as much a celebration as a mourning; Kourt actually spits the word ‘funeral’ out. She and Howie are going to make long distance work, but she’s still allowed to be bitter. Gina tells her so.

Carlos claps his hands together and hollers, “Wildcats! Let’s take the stage!” before leading them inside.

Nini sighs and pastes a smile on her face. “Time to go have fun.”

Kourt keeps frowning. “Yippee.” But she lets her best friend drag her inside.

Gina takes her chance to catch up to EJ. He immediately smiles once he sees her. “Hey, there you are.”

“Missed me already?” she teases, knowing full well she missed him in those few minutes.

The way he says “Terribly” without a cheeky grin makes her think he feels the same. Her heart pounds.

And then Howie calls EJ “Papa EJ” once and immediately the eldest mimes throwing up. The mood’s beyond broken but Gina just snorts and claps him on the back, steering him through into their reserved section of the club before the others can join in.

They settle in on two stools beside each other, arms brushing and knees touching. Gina entertains the possibility that he’ll drag her chair closer and drape his arm around her to make more room for their friends, but of course it doesn’t happen. Except it’s not of course it doesn’t happen, it just doesn’t happen. She thinks about vacation, about all the group movie nights, about Christmas Day. She’s snuggled into EJ Caswell so many times that he’s practically her home address.

She’s considering scooting closer anyway to help manifest the situation when Big Red says, “Hey guys, it’s couples trivia night! We should join!”

Sure enough, there’s a sign at the front of the bar that reads “COUPLES TRIVIA NIGHT,” but Gina imagines there’s a subheading underneath it, one that says “REMIND GINA SHE’S IN LOVE WITH HER BEST FRIEND.” Spending all her time with him isn’t helping matters, but she wouldn’t change the situation. It’s kind of poetic, in a really fucked up, frustrated way that she fell in love with the one person who knows her better than herself. 

“What’s that saying?” she murmurs, only slightly audible but EJ tilts his head her way regardless. “Your significant other should be your best friend, boyfriend/girlfriend, and soulmate all in one?”

He smirks at her. “Well, we’ve got the first one down.” He slams his fist on the table. “We’re a team,” he tells the rest of the group.

Gina blinks, only now realizing that she’s been musing about her love life to the love of her life and he didn’t pick up on it at all. Oh, thank God.

Ricky takes this moment to turn to Nini. “You wanna be a team then?”

And suddenly Gina’s not thinking about how she’s part of a couple-not-couple, because Nini smiles and nods and her hand reaches out to Gina under the table. She takes it without hesitation and squeezes, then gets the rest of the table hyped up. She asks the bartender what the prize is (a brand new iPad) and that sends everyone into a frenzy for the next ten minutes. Nini squeezes her hand back before letting go, the smile slipping off her face as she maneuvers around the table to join Ricky. Everyone else is already seated with their significant others. 

EJ turns inward so their knees knock. “Do we need a strategy?”

Gina moves her chair over like she wanted to do. She rests her chin on her closed fist. “Do you think we do? We’re getting married after all.”

He just grins, eyes twinkling in the low club lights. “Portwell Enterprises.”

“Portwell Enterprises, babe.”

He nudges her arm and crosses his own to rest on the table, much closer to her now. “We’ve got this.”

Most of the questions are basic, like when they become friends, birthdays, how old they each were when they got their first kiss, hobbies, and all that jazz. But there’re a couple of ones that—while not too out of the ordinary—have Gina’s head spinning about how much time they’ve spent together.

She gets his cologne right down to which bottle number he’s on, correctly answers the make and model of his car, and vaguely assesses how much he has in his bank account. His favorite Marvel superhero (Iron Man, duh), favorite pattern (he’s a stripes man, and he looks a mazing in them), whether he sleeps with socks on or not (he doesn’t; he sleeps shirtless too, but she doesn’t mention that part), what the last gift he got was (she counts the surprise birthday party as one present; a good chunk of her savings went into that). There’s so much information that their friends groan every time a hyper-specific question gets asked, because EJ and Gina always know it.

So it’s fitting when the bartender announces the last question of the night: “Favorite dish?”

EJ just grins, sliding off his stool. “Risotto. Risotto anything.”

It’s almost like white noise, the way their friends jump to complain as soon as the bartender proclaims them the winner. Gina sees Kourtney cackling and Carlos pointing a finger at them accusingly, she catches the looks Nini and Ashlyn are sending her way, and she even notices that Seb congratulates them. But in a much more real sense, she misses all of it. The second the bartender starts speaking their names she turns and jumps off her stool into EJ’s arms, mirroring the pool party except right now she isn’t overthinking it. Right now she knows, and she wants to press her body into his like they’re two puzzle pieces.

He’s laughing happily in her ear, beginning to spin her as soon as they’re attached. Her legs wind around his waist for more security, her curls blocking half her vision as she clings to his shoulders. EJ probably can’t see either but he doesn’t comment on it. All she can hear is his gorgeous laugh and their hearts beating in sync.

Ricky complains loudly, “They’re not even dating!”

Gina wastes no time in calling back, still stuck to EJ like a second skin, “Neither are you!”

“But we—”

Nini jumps in, and EJ spins Gina at just the right time for her to see how Nini’s kind of smiling despite the protest. “Yeah, we used to, which—”

“I think it holds a little more weight than that.”

Eventually EJ stops spinning her, but her legs stay interlocked for a moment longer. He doesn’t seem to mind. She’s held up by his insanely muscled arms and his clear admiration for her, and she’s latched onto him with her love and adoration for him. It would be a lot to take in if she hadn’t already had her epiphany. It’s still a lot, honestly, but one she can handle with the way his arms feel around her. He lowers her down just as she’s thinking this, so reluctantly she detaches herself and lets the separation happen. Her feet touch the ground but her heart’s in the clouds.

She’s vaguely aware of the bartender saying, “Eh, from the looks of these scores, those two are dating more than any of y’all,” and some chaotic arguments burst from their friends, but mainly she’s just looking at EJ. Her arms are still wound around his neck and she’s leaning back, allowing him to hold her waist closer just to keep her up. It’s exciting, winning the game and proving how well they know each other, but it’s more exciting touching him like this. Getting a free pass to be this overly affectionate with him, their faces close and her heart ready to burst. Maybe it should be painful, but Gina’s just so overwhelmed with all things EJ to care. She loves him, she loves him, she loves him, and he’s holding her. For the moment, it’s enough.

Maybe Ricky and Howie leaving the same weekend wouldn’t hit so hard if the girls and Seb hadn’t planned a healing sleepover for this exact occasion, but they did and it does. Gina doesn’t even bother explaining this to EJ when he drops her and Ash off at Nini’s.

Instead he chooses comedy, parking just as he leans forward and whistles. “Don’t think I’ve been here since she blocked me as a breakup.”

Gina shakes her head, a goofy grin crossing her lips instantly. “You’ve definitely paved an interesting path. I think a whole self-help book could be created out of your senior year alone.”

Ash is already laughing as she climbs out of the car. “I agree! Convince him, Gi!” And she heads up the walkway.

He makes an unsure noise, turning to look at her. “Not sold on that idea, but I see your point.”

There he goes, being self-deprecating again. Instantly Gina is transported back to the overwhelming sense of dread that settled over her when he described how he saw himself, how she almost relived it in the car on his birthday, and it has nothing to do with her sudden realization that she physically needs to correct him. “As I said before and will say for the rest of my life, you are a good guy,” she says slowly, making eye contact with a reluctant EJ.

Clearly he didn’t think an offhand comment would result in such an intense moment. He blinks, dumbfounded. “Gi, it’s okay. I’m comfortable with who I am now, just… not before.”

“Well, I am.” He looks at her expectantly. She doesn’t need to be coaxed into explaining. “We met as our 1.0 versions and it brought us to today. That’s not something you can just erase, or should erase. It’s all connected, Eej.” He’s moving to disagree, so she reaches out and covers his hand with hers. Trying not to let her heart jump out of her chest at how he eyes their hands, she finishes, “I like growing with you. Trust me when I say I wouldn’t change a thing.”

His gaze lingers on where their skin’s touching for just long enough that Gina thinks he’s gauging her pulse through the contact. But after another moment he lifts his head, green eyes piercing her brown ones. “I know I say it all the time in a thousand different ways, but I’m more grateful for you than you could ever know.”

That she wasn’t expecting. And yet, she’s not surprised. “That’s a mutual feeling, you know. It’s why we’re so good together.”

It’s a loaded statement. She feels it when she says it, feels it in their shared gaze, feels it in the intimate atmosphere his car always creates. All of it she can handle in some way or another. The only thing that startles her is when his thumb swipes across the back of her hand and his gaze falters for a brief second. Her heart’s in her throat, her body on fire— 

Kourt knocks on the window and Gina nearly jumps out of her skin before she remembers they’re not doing anything wrong. They’re not doing anything, really, except… it almost felt like they were. Again. It happened again.

EJ removes his hand and rolls down Gina’s window for her. “Sorry, got caught up in a conversation,” he explains in lieu of a real explanation. He tilts his head to see past Gina. “I promise she’s all you ladies’ tonight.”

Kourt just snorts. “Yeah, I’ll believe that.” She turns her gaze on Gina, and now Gina can see Ash waiting by the open door with Nini and Seb, all of them expectant. “Haul ass, girly. We’ve got mourning to do.”

That gets a laugh and even manages to remove Gina from the car, a quick ‘bye!’ thrown over her shoulder as she grabs her stuff from the back and shuts the door. As usual, EJ waits until they’re all inside to start driving away. Gina wonders if everyone else pays attention to that little detail as much as she does.

The first few hours are pretty tame for a girls’ night. Lots of sniffling from the two resident heartbroken women. Votes of confidence go to Kourt and hopeful but realistic musings go to Nini. Gina’s surprised at how well she articulates advice, honestly. Normally the only person she finds herself reassuring is EJ—and then her thoughts shift back to that moment in the car and she loudly suggests they make popcorn and watch a movie. Anything to take her mind off of it.

Murder Mystery winds up being the perfect film to bullshit and laugh over, tossing popcorn back and forth and even engaging in small conversation with Nini’s moms when they rarely leave their bedroom or offices. Gina loves the entire Salazar-Roberts home environment and resolves to hang out one-on-one more with Nini. Having two mother figures on top of Debbie while her own mom is away can’t hurt.

When it tips over into midnight and most of the tears—both good and bad—have been shed, Ashlyn suggests tarot card readings, board games, Never Have I Ever. Literally anything to keep their spirits up while they’re not currently crying.

So of course Kourtney lights up, points at each person in turn, and then her expression shifts into a mischievous grin. “Fuck, marry, kill. Walter, Ricky, EJ. Go.”

Silence for a moment. And then, “Well, EJ’s dying.” Ash shrugs, leaning forward to snag some more chips.

Seb frowns, eyebrows furrowed. “Doesn’t that defeat the purpose? Including Ricky when we’re trying to forget the boys?”

“Hey, I’m just choosing from the very small selection of single men in the drama club, alright?” She turns to her best friend. “Neens, you good with this? I think it’d be funny.”

Nini waves her concern away. “I’m fine, I promise. If I cry over Fuck, Marry, Kill then something’s wrong,” she laughs.

Gina joins in, but her nerves are already shot. They have been the second the name ‘EJ’ left Kourtney’s mouth. Gina raises two fingers and proposes, “Kiss, marry, kill maybe?” It’s not a huge difference and probably won’t shift her thoughts from how she feels about him, but at least she can focus on an aspect she’s familiar with. She’s not even going near the topic of sex yet if she can help it. Not with EJ, not in general. Too terrifying of a prospect.

Nini smiles. “Sure. Same vibe anyway.”

“What, you don’t wanna fuck Walter?” Kourt asks pointedly.

Seb puts his hands out. “Hey, hey, no Walter slander here!”

Ash scoots further into the circle. “No, of course not. Who wants to go first?” 

It doesn’t happen immediately, but within the span of about five seconds all four pairs of eyes are on Gina and she’s fairly certain she’s blushing. She knows what this is about. How could she not know what it’s about?

Gina rolls her eyes and tries to feign nonchalance. “Okay, I’m marrying EJ.” The sentence is barely past her lips before they start applauding her, and yeah, she’s definitely violently blushing now. “Shut up, it makes sense, alright?”

Kourt snorts. “That’s why we’re clapping, girl.” Nini nudges her in the side.

Gina shoves past the comment, although she knows it’s going to be stuck in her head for a long time. “I’m gonna have to kill Ricky just because the whole relationship was weird anyway, and then I guess I’ll kiss Walter.”

She’s not sure she enjoys this game anymore. All it’s doing is summoning images of a life she won’t get. She might live with EJ, but it’ll be a roommate situation. They might stick by each other’s sides forever, but as best friends and not… other things. And then she thinks about how he’ll eventually find another girl, someone who’s not Aly and is probably obsessed with Marvel the same amount and encourages him and believes in him, and Gina will have to play the supportive best friend role. She’ll be happy for him, sure; just sad for herself. It kind of ruins her mood.

When she zones back in, Nini has the audacity to make a high-pitched noise while pretending to think. Kourt tosses a pillow directly into her face, bringing her out of the charade. “Okay, okay, fine. Kill Walter, kiss EJ since I’ve done it before, and… marry Ricky.”

Seb pats her shoulder. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Kourtney nods in agreement, pointing at her best friend. She says, “That exactly, but I’m switching EJ and Ricky,” and everyone chokes. Gina’s thrown out of her internal misery long enough to be taken aback. Kourt throws her hands up immediately. “Oh come on, that boy is still fine.”

Nini’s expression smooths over until she shrugs. “True.”

“I’m literally having a heart attack,” Gina gets out, a hand pressed to her chest to further dramatize the moment. It’s funny, in a not at all kind of way. Seb is rubbing soothing circles on her back that are doing nothing to quell the sudden tension in her chest.

Seb pauses his kind ministrations for a moment before sharing his conclusion. “I think I’d marry Walter—I’ve had some really good conversations with him—kiss Ricky, kind of like a thank you for that time he helped Carlos with an apology to me… and then kill EJ, I guess.” He shrugs, unaffected. He resumes the back rub. “Can’t ruin our group chat.” 

Nini frowns. “Seb, isn’t that fake?”

“Oh, not after I lied about it.” Seb smiles so happily that Gina instantly grins back, the sweetness that is Seb working to calm her down this time. “We chat now.”

Gina touches his arm to signal he can stop now, and it’s a testament to how aware he is that he doesn’t bring attention to what just happened. He doesn’t press for information or even say a simple “Why’d you freak out over someone being attracted to EJ?” It wasn’t a serious moment, really. It just feels like every little detail about her best friend heightens her emotions and she doesn’t know how to handle that yet.

It finally gets to Ash and she just sighs. “I’ll kiss Ricky because I had to for Beauty and the Beast, which leaves me marrying Walter.”

“Girl, just marry Ricky,” Kourt advises, a perfect eyebrow arched. The rest of them offer small gestures of agreement.

“No, because then I’m married to Ricky. I don’t legally have to kiss Walter to marry him.”

That sends half of them into another fit, this time hurtling them toward a board game and not another questionable round of Kiss, Marry, KIll.

The rest of the night is without incident. No one pushes Gina about the EJ topic, barely anyone brings him up at all, and she certainly doesn’t see any knowing looks being passed around. She recognizes what they mean now; god, has she always been so obvious? So noticeable that her friends knew—or at least had suspicions—how she felt before she did? The concern that EJ knows is there, but he’s not one to hide things from her.

It’s that thought she gets stuck on before she falls asleep. EJ’s making a bigger effort than ever to be open and transparent with her, and she’s keeping a huge part of her emotions locked away in return. Everything would be so much easier if he just liked her back. She doesn’t even need love yet. She just needs EJ.

But if the only way she can have him is platonic, then she’ll keep her feelings neatly squared away and hold on tight.

Seeing EJ off to NYU is similar to last summer in most ways. His family’s there, his friends (minus Ricky and Howie) are there, it’s another Thursday. He’s leaving with a general idea of what the semester holds for him, albeit a happier quality to it now that he’s found his place at college. Gina’s attached to him just as much, too, hugging him any chance she gets to quell the sadness threatening to swallow her whole. 

The only huge difference is Gina knows why her heart feels like it’s being ripped out of its chest, and it sucks.

Everyone seems to hug EJ a little longer than before. Gina figures they’ve all been spoiled this summer by having him around for so long, herself the most. It’s too hot to go to bed in the Duke sweatshirt yet but she’s honestly not sure she’ll be able to sleep tonight without it. 

That’s another fun thing she has to deal with now that she’s acknowledged her feelings. She missed him enough as it is over the past year, yearning for his hugs and his handholds and his car rides. Now she’s yearning for his arms around her, their fingers intertwined, his face close to hers when they’re equally excited about something, their risotto dat—dinners. 

Oh, who’s she kidding? Those are dates, at least to her.

She watches the clock in between watching their friends say goodbye to EJ, not counting down the time so much as dreading it. Around five hours until he can text or call her from New York, two days until their weekly laundry FaceTime. About two months until her NYU and Juilliard tours, three weeks after that until her birthday FaceTime from him, then over a month until he’s home for winter break. It’s all too much, but she still smiles at him when it circles back to her.

Gina grabs EJ’s arms and waits until their eyes lock to start, “If you wanna buy me a plane ticket, buy me a plane ticket.” She hopes he can sense the urgency behind her words, because she’s not pushing him, she’s not insisting he has to buy her one. She just knows the only thing that’ll lessen the ache in her chest is seeing him, and not just through the phone. “Please. Always assume I want to see you.”

That last sentence gets to him and she can tell. She sees his eyes widen the tiniest bit as he takes in her words and his hands start to come up to her elbows, but she doesn’t want to be held at a distance. She wants to be held, yes, but first she needs to do something else.

She shifts forward and, in one swift motion, kisses his cheek and pulls him into a tight hug. It feels a little like she’s putting her feelings on full display and she. Doesn’t. Care. Not when this is the last time she’ll be able to hug him for months, to be held by the only boy she wants to hold her. She’ll play it off in any way that she has to if it means being able to cling to him right now. 

But he just hugs her back, arms coiled around her as securely as they were on vacation, and her mind drifts for a split second before she forces it back to the present moment. She stays lucid and focused as he lets go, gives her a meaningful look, and boards the plane. She stays lucid and focused as the plane takes off and she and their remaining friend group get on the road to go home, her heart beating faster as she realizes the next time she sees him will be at his apartment in New York with Ashlyn for their tours. And she’ll have to pretend like she’s not in love with him.

Chapter Text

Her last first day of high school sits oddly in the pit of her stomach.

Gina knows it has everything to do with how little of her friend group remains at East High. She started off in Salt Lake with no one, then gained ten friends she never could’ve seen coming. She thinks at some point she became so preoccupied with EJ going off to college and the distance dividing them that she wasn’t able to fully prepare for everyone else doing the same thing. Not everyone left town, but it doesn’t feel like that when she pushes through the front doors with only Ashlyn and Big Red at her side. They meet up with Seb and Carlos and pass Natalie at one point. The feeling stays put.

Even Miss Jenn announcing Legally Blonde as the fall musical does little to lift her spirits. Her friends are all shrieking and she’s involved in the conversation, lively and interested the whole way through until the bell rings and they head off to separate first periods. The second she’s alone, the thoughts creep back in again. She hopes it’s just a first day thing and not a sense of dread that’ll follow her every day. Because this must be normal, right? To some degree, beginning her senior year on this foot should be expected. Not that her friends appear to be shouldering the same burden when she sees them, though.

So she texts EJ, and he fills the void.

[photo: EJ blowing a kiss]

ik things are different without all the wildcats on campus, but try to find moments to savor anyway.

wear ‘em like a tattoo on your heart.

that might just be the most sappy, poetic thing you’ve ever said to me

oh you just wait ‘til we get to the wedding vows, babe.

And it helps. 

He always helps.

Her penultimate high school audition goes by in a blur—of new faces, like freshman Brynn and junior jock-on-probation Hunter (“We just can’t get enough Troy Boltons, huh?” Carlos… accurately assesses, honestly), but also of wholesome cheers of excitement for her friends. It doesn’t really hit that they’re seniors, that this is one of their last chances to snag a role they desperately want, until no one makes a move for Paulette and Miss Jenn waits two seconds before asking Natalie if she wants to step out of the shadows.

And Natalie kills it, no doubt about it. The room is full of screams and applause and Kourt catches Natalie on her way down the steps to capture the moment. Gina already knows Natalie’s got the role and, no matter the other outcomes, there will be a celebration tonight after the cast list goes up. Some things are just worth the fanfare.

not to alarm you… BUT I GOT ROGER

EJ’s Rent audition occurring at the same time, for example, is reason enough for unlimited fanfare. Infinite fanfare, really; Gina plans to be good on that promise.

Gina has a gut feeling that he’s surrounded by friends and—while he wouldn’t hesitate to FaceTime—she doesn’t want to take him out of that moment just yet. So she flips her phone camera around and swipes to video, ushering all of their friends around as they wait out in the hallway for the results. The video lasts exactly twenty-six seconds and is almost exclusively Carlos threatening EJ to get a copy of the show for them to watch, but Gina thinks EJ will appreciate it regardless. She ends it amidst all the yelling by blowing a kiss to the screen. 

She’s pressing send when Miss Jenn slips out the auditorium doors and Mr. Mazzara holds the eager newbies at bay as she sticks the cast list on the wall. Seb and Carlos reach it first. The kiss they share right afterward tells Gina everything she needs to know. She slips her phone into her pocket and heads up to the list with a smile on her face.

Seb Matthew-Smith……….Elle Woods

Carlos Rodriguez……….Emmett Forrest

Natalie Bagley……….Paulette Buonufonte

Walter McCoy……….Professor Callahan

Hunter Paxton……….Warner Huntington III

Ashlyn Caswell……….Vivienne Kensington

Gina Porter……….Brooke Wyndham

Brynn Nightly……….Enid Hoopes

day one of rehearsals and seb’s already making us all sob

i can’t say i’m surprised. 

i got this text from him when the cast list went up:

[photo: screenshot of EJ and Seb’s message. Seb sent, “i’m the legal 😌😌✨ cast opposite my bOYFRIEND!!”]

so he’s beyond excited. 

such a sweet child

how’s rent

well i’m not in rehearsal rn but from the table read alone it feels pretty promising. 

kinda wanna help out w stage crew too. 

more for you to manage

less time to sleep, you mean

…yes, very likely. 

*inevitably.

it’ll be fineeee

damon’s taken to mental health checks since you did it that one time anyway. 

if i start to lose it, he’ll kick me out. 

remind me to send damon a meme or two in thanks later

still weird for you to casually mention talking w my college friends. 

it’s called infiltrating the friend group, eej

should’ve known that would happen when you wax poetic about me anyway

OKAY I GET IT. 

I DID THIS MYSELF. 

💋

not that i want you to harass me about that more

you do

but are you available for a quick call?

i had to do some laundry early and want company ;-;

i love you so much that i hate you

i’ll sneak out to the hallway, two secs

two

two seconds

giiiii

go

brb call incoming

[calling: gina 💃🏾✨]

[call duration: 27min]

࿏

nini invited me over for dinner

her moms are talking about you

oh god

in what way?

mostly in a factual sense, although there was a mention of some time they stopped in at the animal shelter?

…ik exactly what this is about. 

a n d why you found it important enough to text me about. 

didn’t know jenny had even MORE ammo on you for flirting w me

i wasn’t even at work

shut uppp they asked about you. 

nini talked about both of us at work, it’s not my fault they opened the floodgates!

what was that i said about waxing poetic?

not just to the new york crew

of COURSE it’s not just to them. 

c’mon gina, you’re being vindictive rn but you’re not stupid. 

i talk about you literally all the time. 

it’s a problem, actually

😇 

it’s alright, i made it even

how so?

they brought that up and i turned it into talking about you in general 

college, vacation, everything

and when i looked at the clock 15min had passed by

see THIS is why we’re getting married. 

no one else will put up w this bullshit. 

࿏

yk those actors i mentioned

just from the table read?

wasn’t one the same name as codename kids next door

oh yes it was, nigel. 

and brendan and minnie. 

damn you also have a mouse in your cast

what about them

is 1.0 needed for any part of this

not necessary: they’re NICE. 

was a little worried w how many people couldn’t give two shits about auditions last year, etc. but they’re really talented. 

brendan tried to dap me up and i almost passed out. 

HAHA

YOUVE GOT T H A T KIND OF MAN IN YOUR CAST?

GORGEOUS

they added me to a group chat. 

my baby has reached the big leagues 🥺🥺

uh uh, we go w *babe only, tyvm. 

but yes, this is good news. 

i’m very glad, *babe

is minnie your type 

hA

she’s pretty but not my type, no.

she’s not interested either.

you can already pick that up from being around her two times?

i can tell when someone’s not aly, yeah. 

austin saw minnie for like a split second the other day and said there’s no way in hell he was setting me up w her anyway. 

PFFT

what’s he got against her?

nothing. 

think he wants to BE against her tho. 

PLS

࿏

[calling: gina 💃🏾✨]

[call duration: 2hrs 3min]

Gina just blinks. “You can’t come?”

They’re in the school parking lot, climbing out of Big Red’s car when Ashlyn says she can’t make it to New York next week for their tours. Surreptitiously Gina checks her notifications tab, but it’s radio silence—well, not radio silence from EJ. He texted the normal things: a selfie of his bedhead, complaint about his first class from earlier in the day, and a “have fun today! ❤️” message up top now that she’s awake. Nothing about Ash dipping.

Big Red smiles from over the hood of the car, pride radiating through it. “Yeah, she snagged an audition in Los Angeles for October 15th.”

Now Gina whips around to face Ash. “Excuse me, you applied to LACM? Last time we talked about college plans you said you probably wouldn’t!” Los Angeles College of Music is one of the many colleges on Ashlyn’s consideration list; Gina herself leans more toward dance-oriented programs on the east coast. Not for… EJ-related reasons as much as Juilliard exists in New York.

Alright, it’s not the only reason she’s looking east.

Ashlyn doesn’t bother faking sheepishness. “Yeah, and then you told me I’d be stupid to not at least put my ‘amazing talent’ out there and see where it goes.” She grins. “So I did.”

They reach the sidewalk and Gina hugs her immediately, laughing into her hair. “Ugh, I hate you so much and I love you.”

Ashlyn chuckles with her. Gina bets she’s making googly eyes at her boyfriend, too.

And then Gina pulls back and fixes her with a look. “But no New York. Does EJ know?”

“Not yet,” Ash says, stepping out of the hug so they can actually make it to homeroom in time. “But I wanted to let you know first since you’ll be traveling alone. I’ll call him at lunch today or something.”

Gina nods, maneuvers herself onto the outside of Ash so the couple can hold hands, and then bombards her roommate with questions. California seems perfectly in line with where Gina imagines Ashlyn ending up, but she’s careful to keep the conversation hypothetical. Big Red seems thrilled, and Kourtney and Howie are managing long distance just fine, but Gina’s not about to assume Ash and Big Red have already had the big™ conversation. They’ll be fine, though. She’s sure of it.

Something she’s less sure of, she realizes once she sets foot in East High, is how she’ll act around EJ now that she’s staying with him by herself. And she’s in love with him.

All things considered, the updated phone call with her mom could be going a lot worse. Gina’s no stranger to traveling alone, but New York is a notoriously busy city and she’s never made it out there before this. There’s the added concern of missing a flight or a delay to keep her from making it back to school on time, but her mom must hear the urgency in her daughter’s voice about visiting her best friend. She doesn’t push, just voices regular parental worries. However:

“No sex in New York.”

“Mom,” Gina snaps immediately, her recent inclination to blush betraying her. Again, she’s grateful for the call being audio only. There’s no way her mother didn’t know what she was doing by jumping from are you sure his roommate is okay with you staying for the weekend to don’t have sex with the young man both you and I adore.

“Don’t give me that tone, you’re not on birth control!”

There’s the urge to snap again, to explain just how ridiculous this conversation is in the grand scheme of things. But she also recognizes that her mom could easily switch to her reasoning, and Gina knows the list is full of a whole lot of EJ and a whole lot of sexual tension. There might even be a spreadsheet of known instances at this point. Gina gets it, but she’s not willing to discuss it.

“No sex,” she assures her mother, trying to keep an even tone. For fuck’s sake. “Promise. That’s terrifying, anyway.”

The admission does the trick, because if anyone knows how new acts of intimacy scare the shit out of her then it’s her mom. Never mind the fact she was the one to initiate her first kiss for a stupid celebration on the Fourth of July, or she started her first relationship simply because she figured testing out her old feelings for Ricky wasn’t a terrible idea. None of that matters, because sex is still firmly off the table for the time being. Whether or not she’d be perfectly fine engaging in the act with EJ in the future has nothing to do with it.

It also helps that she’s reiterated the sleeping situation half a dozen times for her mom. EJ offered his bed, of course, like the gentleman he is, but his and Austin’s couch folds out into a bed that they’ve both taken life-changing naps on. Gina’s not forcing EJ out of his room. No amount of pleading has changed her mind, and her mom likes this arrangement anyway.

Her mom turns to discussing work and Gina can’t help but mute her end and breathe a sigh of relief. Now she just has to wait a grand total of four days (she may or may not have held off on this phone call) for her breath to be taken away again.

Arriving at the JFK airport is simultaneously the longest wait of her life and also no time at all. Gina’s finding that a lot of things feel like perfect oxymorons where EJ’s involved, somehow only making sense because it has to do with him. The butterflies in her stomach agree.

Ash flew out late last night to make it in time for her early morning LACM audition time, so Carlos offered to drop Gina off at the airport before school the next morning. (That was a fun negotiation to make with her mom, but the two-hour time difference would’ve gotten her to New York around ten at night, which is unacceptable when the alternative is seeing EJ for another day.) She has to wait an hour and a half before boarding, but the car ride more than makes up for it with musical discussion, talking up Seb’s portrayal of Elle and making comments about how unsettling Walter can be in his role.

  “Don’t get me wrong, he will be the lead next year. I’m just like—excuse me? You can be this talented and we didn’t know?”

“I did have to be engaged to him in The Wedding Singer. He killed it then.” 

“Alright, so maybe talented wasn’t the word. Versatile?” 

“The range.” 

“The range of that boy. What the fuck.”

It was a relatively easygoing drive overall, right up until Carlos parked, side-eyed her, and told her to “go get her man.” Gina played it off with a laugh, but now it’s getting tossed around in her mind as she looks at the sea of people just departed.

Her texts finally come through by 3:40pm New York time.

t-minus 4hrs til you’re here.

t-minus 3hrs til you’re here.

t-minus 2hrs til you’re here.

did i mention i’m excited you’re coming? pretty sure austin agrees w your golden retriever puppy assessment now.

gi i’ve cleaned the apartment five times over.

t-minus 1hr til you’re here… i’m already at the airport.

[photo: EJ with wide eyes at the airport]

“JFK, FDR” vibes.

can you get here already 🥺

Her heart’s playing racquetball with her ribcage and the longer she goes without seeing him the faster it gets. Who else texts like that? Who else can make her this thrilled, this anxious—in both the good and bad ways—and this hyper aware of the fact she’s spending the next two days with him? Only EJ.

Then she lifts her head and finds him.

Gina’s not sure how she manages to take in so many details about EJ before she’s racing across the airport for him. He’s wearing a very appealing red and white striped long-sleeved shirt and black jeans, hair styled but grown out slightly too much once again, a crooked grin on his face when they see each other at the same time. One minute she’s instinctively cataloguing these details, and in the next she’s jumping into his arms like her life depends on it. She thinks that it might.

EJ only stumbles backward a step or two, having braced himself right before she reached him. She feels her excitement thrumming through her veins and reverberating from all the places they’re connected straight to the laugh that comes out of his mouth. He says something about her being feral, she jokes about him loving her because of it, not in spite, and the whole time she’s getting spun around.

He places her on the ground after a moment, making sure she’s sturdy before immediately pulling her in for another hug. His arms twist around her shoulders and she hugs his torso, hands splayed between his shoulder blades. Being this close to him and feeling so familiar about it might be her favorite sensation.

“This feels like a dream, to be honest,” he laughs out, leaning back to look at her. His hands stay on her shoulders, tilted upward like he’s two seconds from kissing her.

Gina fights through the hitch in her breath— knew it, she thinks—to reply, “Gina Porter doesn’t do dreams,” getting another laugh out of him just like she wanted.

“Do you feel any different now that you’re the one showing up and not the other way around?” He’s caressing her cheek with his thumb now, clearly absentmindedly because his eyes are glancing over her shoulder back at her abandoned luggage. All her nerve endings still catch fire.

Gina leans into his palm and shakes her head minutely. “No, I’m still just as excited to see you as I always am.”

He looks at her now, amusement in his eyes. “Yeah, your luggage getting left a hundred miles away says enough.”

She snorts. “‘A hundred miles.’”

“Gi, you literally ran.”

Reluctantly she extracts herself from his embrace. Her cheek feels cold. “You’re welcome for that,” she teases, shoving at his shoulder lightly. “I know you were dying to do one of those run to each other reunions.”

EJ laughs joyously, nudging her right back as they start heading over to retrieve her belongings. “Nah, that’ll be reserved for the engagement.”

She has no clue how that inside joke has held up for so long without any awkwardness, and especially not in person, because now she’s bursting at the seams with giddiness and angst and the overwhelming, ever-present urge to hold his hand.

All she says is “I hope we’d be in the same city for the proposal, but I see your point” and lets the conversation drop. It’s repeating enough in her head enough as it is; she doesn’t need it aloud too. She just needs him, and now she has him for the entire weekend. 

࿏

The first item on the NYC itinerary is, of course, doing laundry together.

Gina doesn’t even bother shrugging off the domestic implications as she finesses a pair of socks together into one ball. EJ watches her in fascination, the washcloth he’s tackling in the shape of a triangle somehow.

“Eej,” she says after another moment, setting the socks into his dresser, her gaze skipping from his face to the washcloth and back.

“Yeah?” He sounds dumbfounded.

“Did you neglect to ask me for towel folding help as well?”

That shakes him out of the trance he was in. He blinks until a faux-incredulous look crosses his face, and then he’s tossing the washcloth he’s been butchering at her face and they’re both laughing as she swats it away. She picks up the socks she just put down and chucks them at him, earning her a yelp of surprise. 

“Is this war?” he asks, grabbing a handful of clean towels out of the basket.

“War?” She’s giggling even as he comes closer and she threatens, “I’m not helping you fold those after you have to wash them again—” but he still dumps the entire basket over her head, she still moves in the middle of it and slips on one of the towels, and he still gets pulled down with her as they fall to the ground.

It takes Gina a moment to realize EJ’s asking if she’s okay because she’s laughing so hard, and even longer to piece together that yeah, she’s okay, because he’d cradled her head before they even hit the floor. His fingers now tentatively brush over where her hair’s parted for the braids she’d plaited on the plane, careful not to tug anything out of place. He’s just checking for bruises. She knows that.

She also never wants him to stop.

“Yeah, I’m good,” she manages to breathe out. She’s more than just good. EJ is propped up over her, not only holding her head delicately but making sure his full weight isn’t on her. And it doesn’t matter if she wouldn’t mind if his full weight were on her, or that her hands have somehow found their way to hug his waist, or that her heart is beating out of its chest and she’s been in New York for a total of two hours and they’re already doing this. It doesn’t matter, except that it does, and how in the world is she supposed to hide how she feels about him?

That’s answered for her. Within the next second a new voice breaks the giggling-free silence—when did they stop laughing? Was she looking at his lips?—and both of their heads whip to the bedroom’s doorway.

Alright, so Gina didn’t imagine meeting Austin for the first time while she’s literally underneath his roommate and her best friend, but there could be worse ways to start.

“Ah,” Austin says with a perfunctory head nod as they right themselves, “so this is the elusive best friend.”

Nope, this is actually the worst way to start. 

Gina arches an eyebrow as she sits up. “Elusive?”

EJ is more or less scrambling off of her, ignoring the laundry strewn about to give Austin a look that has too many emotions for Gina to catalogue. “Only elusive because I fell on top of her, which was my fault.” There’s a pause before he gestures to the state of the room. “And I’ll clean this up.”

There’s another pause before Austin answers, so Gina takes the time to assess him. He clearly just got out of class, if the bag strap over his shoulder is anything to go off of. He’s wearing a light brown bomber jacket over a white t-shirt and jeans tucked into work boots; certainly not a combination EJ would go with, but she digresses. His curly red hair is askew, like he just ran a hand through it. He looks very casual overall until she focuses on his face and sees a distinct look of this is not okay cloud his expression.

“Hey man, I’m not your mom,” Austin eventually says, placing his palm on the doorframe before escaping. “As long as I don’t trip on those in the middle of the night then whatever the hell you’re doing isn’t any of my business,” he calls out after he’s out of sight. Somehow the disapproving aura is still present.

All the elation and giddiness Gina felt not twenty seconds ago has evaporated so quickly that she’s left very disoriented. Austin’s comment strikes a nerve for more reasons than one, the first being that she could’ve been flown out last year if it weren’t for EJ’s strong moral compass and Ricky’s apparent insecurity. Elusive isn’t how she wants to be thought of, not even close, and especially not in regards to her relationship with EJ. The second reason is worse, though, because her assumption from that one FaceTime last semester wasn’t wrong. Austin doesn’t like her. And she’s in his apartment for the weekend, with his roommate, who she’s in love with. Great.

࿏

One half of Gina is relieved later when they leave the apartment for a party just down the hall. Spending the evening with Austin is certainly not what she wants to do and this is a welcome reprieve. The other half, however, just kind of sighs when she sees Hannah first, receives a hug and a whispered “you’re welcome” accompanying a knowing glance, and then Gina’s face lights up like a Christmas tree. She really thought Austin disliking her would be the most awkward part about meeting EJ’s friends this weekend, but apparently the stage crew group is still rooting for her and EJ like crazy. Somehow that’s worse, even if she agrees with their alignment.

For the first half hour, EJ carts her around to reintroduce her to his friends before they find a nice corner and collapse on the couch to chat. Gina finds it kind of lame that they sit down to talk at a party when that’s all they’ve been able to do over the phone, but when she jokes about it EJ just says, “I like talking to you,” and she shuts up. It’s only eight o’clock; there’s more than enough time to dance and drink and mingle with his friends.

She uses this opportunity to pick his brain about all things Rent, because except for a few small texts here and there, they’ve largely only talked about Legally Blonde. That’s not to say she hasn’t tried; he just hasn’t offered up much information yet. Secretly she thinks he’s worried about jinxing it after his bad luck last year, but she’d never tell him that.

Especially now, when he’s speaking so openly about the production that she has to hug her knees to her chest to hide at least some of the huge grin permanently etched onto her face. Apparently Brendan invited EJ out to a party next weekend, and Minnie and Nigel backed up the decision so much that EJ’s agreed three times over. Gina might be sitting at a party with him right now, but she’s beyond thrilled to know he’s going to another one with new friends. She almost brings up Austin’s possible interest in Minnie before thinking better of it. Talking about him will only sour her mood.

She does that all by herself—in a much less dramatic manner—when she thinks about how little sleep EJ must be getting. “Hey,” she interjects when there’s a slight pause, tilting her head at him. “How in the world do you have time for everything outside of rehearsal and classes?”

EJ glances around conspiratorially before leaning in closer, cupping a hand around his mouth to whisper, “I made a deal with the devil, also known as Lily from North High.”

Gina removes one arm from around her knees to whack EJ’s shoulder. He falls back, pretending to be wounded. She knows fighting the smile she feels coming on is futile. “Seriously, Time Manager Extraordinaire. How do you make time for stage crew and stuff?”

He smiles at the nickname. “I made a deal with the director. Anytime rehearsal intersects with stage crew responsibilities that need a lot of hands, they run scenes without me or have my understudy go on. I’ve probably been to, like, seven stage crew meetings this entire time, and half of those were because my friends lied about needing help.”

She has to laugh at that, thinking about all the times she’s snuck out of rehearsal for a bathroom break only to FaceTime EJ for a few minutes. “And time for your friends outside of that?”

“You mean aside from you?”

Gina grins, shaking her head lightly. “Aside from me, yeah.”

But the answer is right in front of them in the form of Lauren and Damon waving their arms around like crazy. They’re across from each other at the beer pong table, still partially set up from the last game. Lauren points at Gina and beckons her over, clearly wanting to be partners.

“I wind up doing stuff like this with my friends,” EJ chuckles, gesturing to Damon who is now giving him a faux death glare. There’s a stark difference between Damon’s approach and Lauren’s.

Gina gets to her feet and nudges EJ’s knee with her foot. “Then we can’t let them down, can we?” She grabs EJ’s hand before he can protest, dragging him off the couch and over to the table.

“Finally, he arrives,” Damon drawls, clapping EJ on the back as he settles in beside him. 

Lauren hands Gina a ping pong ball. She judges its lightness. “So I just toss this in a cup?” she asks, knowing even as she says it that she’s right.

“Have you played this before?” EJ asks, a light smirk playing at his lips. He’s teasing her, so Gina forgoes responding and tosses the ball across the table.

It lands neatly in a cup and Gina pumps a fist. “Ha!” She points at EJ. “Take that, Caswell!”

His eyes darken a bit, the look only a little hazy but enough that it does something to Gina’s stomach. And the way he says “Oh, it’s on Porter” before bringing the cup to his lips doesn’t help.

Damon claims that they have the upper hand from their height alone—something that doesn’t make sense, especially when both Gina and Lauren almost match them both in height; this is all it takes for Gina to realize Damon’s about two drinks away from wasted—but the game goes the exact opposite way. Damon’s too drunk to aim properly and EJ’s just bad. EJ consistently makes eye contact with Gina every time he has to drink, firmly stoking the fire in her belly. The unbelievable heat makes the game go by quicker.

The girls win, predictably. Lauren gives Gina a big hug and then practically prances off to the bathroom. Damon’s already disappeared, leaving EJ to round the table and come back to Gina. He’s always coming back to her. 

“You’re not too drunk, right?” EJ asks, eyebrows slightly pinched together as his gaze sweeps across her face.

“Awe, that’s so cute,” she teases, leaning toward him to mirror his stance. “You’re acting like I had to drink half as much as you did.”

He blushes at that, but the concern is still in his eyes. “I know, Gina 1.0’s competitiveness is not to be messed with.” He tilts his head at her. He seems decently sober still. “Just wanna make sure you’re okay.”

The joking mood dissolves enough for Gina’s heart to pound a little bit faster than the beat of the music. She feels the smirk shift into a small smile, the reaction completely out of her control. He’s cute when he cares—which means he’s always cute. “I’m okay,” she says just as another voice joins them.

“There are my favorite bestiesss,” DeWayne says, clearly further into the drinking game than either of them if he’s unironically using the term ‘besties’ in public. Gina’s noticing a pattern between EJ’s stage crew friends and their ability to hold their alcohol… or lack thereof. DeWayne’s seemingly clambered over another couch and at least three people are staring at him, so Gina can only assume he stumbled more than walked. She wonders if cutting him off herself would be acceptable considering they only just met in person.

EJ furrows his eyebrows fully now, his concern shifting targets. “Hey man, you might wanna take it easy for a while.”

DeWayna shakes his head. “Water.” He then tilts the cup their way so they can tell for themselves.

EJ leans forward and takes a whiff, shrugging at Gina. “It is water.”

Gina can’t help but smile at their antics. She’s never been around this many people drinking before, but it’s endearing to see EJ interact with his friends about their well-being and no fight breaking out. Even inebriated, DeWayne appears to have a grasp on his limits and isn’t fighting the concern at all. Gina’s sure that her mom wouldn’t appreciate her going to a college party and drinking in a new state—on her first day there, no less—but Gina feels nothing but at ease. EJ only attracts good people.

DeWayne lets the crowd jostle him a bit before pointing his cup at Gina, having gathered his thoughts in the time she was reflecting. “You coming to NYU for real? We gonna get to see our boy fawn over you twenty-four-seven?”

She doesn’t have a second to react before EJ says, cheeks only slightly tinged red, “Oh, no way. Gi was born for Juilliard.”

Her gaze settles on him, and she knows she’s smiling before she actually feels her lips move. His certainty is just so damn cute. “I’m touring there too, but why else would I come here if I wasn’t looking into it?”

He’s quick on the uptake, smirking and tilting his head. “Sorry, did you not come here for me?”

DeWayne takes that as his cue to leave, whistling as he backs up and disappears into the crowd again.

Gina finds herself smirking back, angling her body just so she’s perfectly mirroring EJ. She steps closer and pokes a finger at his chest. Either she subconsciously gives in to a bigger need or she’s more buzzed than she thought, because her fist almost curls around his t-shirt a second later. The subtext isn’t lost on her. “Sounds like someone’s estimating his importance.”

“Don’t you mean overestimating?” He gives her a crooked smile, like he’s got her. 

He’s definitely got her. “No,” she admits. Her eyelids might flutter. “Seems about right to me.” 

There’s a moment passed between them, an electric charge hovering in the air as they look at each other. She’s felt it before with him, this yearning, and she’s even imagined she felt it back. But this is a whole new beast. Maybe the alcohol plays a part, or the environment, or their proximity. Maybe it’s none of that. Maybe her eyes drag down to his lips and when she lifts her gaze again she sees him doing the exact same thing, like they’re on the same page even when neither of them intend to read ahead just yet.

Then Lauren bumps into her again, dragging her away instead of pushing her into EJ, and Gina allows herself to be swept up and out onto the dance floor. Lauren and Emily are no dancers, but that doesn’t actually matter. She can picture this kind of party again next year, and the year after that, with these same people. Juilliard or NYU, Gina knows she’s already set her sights on New York for more than one reason. 

Eventually she returns to that reason when she gets the chance. Xander recreating the Shopping Cart and the Sprinkler distracts her just enough that she can glance back at EJ, semi-discreet in the low lighting. He’s leaning back against the table like he was before DeWayne upended their conversation. His hair’s drooping slightly from the body heat and movement and beer pong, but he still looks perfect to her. And the way he’s looking at her, just—absolutely thunderstruck, drunk on her presence and not much else… yeah, that’s perfect to her, too. Her heart skips a few beats in agreement.

The dancing goes on for another ten minutes, or twenty. Gina doesn’t really know. She gets to have one of those infamous bathroom breakdowns with a random drunk girl in the middle of it, realizing once again just how many experiences she was missing out on while moving around with her mom. Who knew drunk girls were so nice? Lauren just laughs, pointing at Gina as she heads off in a direction and saying, “You haven’t seen me on whiskey, yet.”

Emily cackles and leads Gina back out to the main room, calling out, “Probably a good thing, Laur!”

Gina nudges her, smiling down at her. “What, is she a menace?”

“Oh, ten times worse than you’re imagining,” she responds, but she’s still smiling, so Gina figures it isn’t too bad. A sharp elbow to the side brings her out of this contemplating a second later. Emily’s groaning as if she’s the one who just got jabbed, but then she throws out of a hand, gesturing wildly even if Gina still zones in on what she’s referencing. “Now that’s a menacing sight.”

It’s EJ—because of course it’s EJ—talking to a blonde that’s standing about as close as Gina was earlier. She remembers the feeling in her chest when they stood like that, the heat in her belly at the proximity and the look in his eyes and something else. It’d been kindling this entire time apart from him, but now it’s extinguished immediately.

She swallows, preparing to be subtle about it. But then she looks at how Emily’s watching her reaction and thinks fuck it. She knows. There’s no way Emily doesn’t know, or Hannah, or Lauren—definitely not DeWayne or Damon. And the one time she saw Xander he raised his glass in a cheers motion before glancing away, like he was giving her and EJ some privacy. Paul’s out of town, but there’s no doubt in her mind she’d receive similar treatment from him. It’s useless pretending she isn’t bothered, so she doesn’t. “Who’s that?”

“Aly Preston,” Emily says through an exasperated sigh.

Gina’s eyebrows draw together. Decidedly not who she was expecting. “I thought EJ didn’t like her.”

“He doesn’t.”

The silence that follows is heavy, even though it’s not really silent, not with the pounding music and her pulse tripping at the scene in front of her.

Then Emily leans in a bit and adds, “Buuut we kind of bullied him into telling us about how you fake date sometimes, so?”

If Gina didn’t already know that Hannah (and the rest of her friend group by association, apparently) has been trying to play matchmaker since May, this would’ve been the tip off. As it is, Gina just thanks Emily, hands off her drink, and sets off across the dance floor.

She’s an actress. She weaves through the crowd but keeps dancing, pausing to stop and laugh at what other groups are doing. There’s a keg stand in the corner. DeWayne’s been tearing up the dance floor for about fifteen minutes now and he doesn’t appear to be stopping anytime soon. Gina calls out encouragement, leaving her hands cupped around her mouth as she expertly spins around and bumps into EJ.

His eyes don’t light with recognition so much as excitement when he realizes it’s her, but they do switch to startled deer-in-headlights for a split second when she winds her arms around his neck and leans in closer than she feels safe doing with her feelings heightened.

“Hey, babe!” she says over the music, nudging her nose against his as if it’s not a terrifying prospect. At least he understands what she’s doing now; his arms come up around her waist, holding his cup carefully at her hip. “I got caught up watching DeWayne. You didn’t tell me I wasn’t the only dancer here.”

The comment is one she’d make anyway, and so is his “He doesn’t hold a candle to you, that’s all, Gi.” It’s like a slap in the face, realizing that taking their best friendship to a romantic level wouldn’t skip any steps. In fact, it might be the logical next step. She’s not even sure it’s her feelings clouding that assessment either. It might just be true.

She wants to stay in EJ’s embrace and compliment him back and nudge noses again (and maybe do more), but she came over here for a purpose and unfortunately it’s not to make out with him. Gina tilts her head to the side, comically does a double take, and fully looks at Aly.

She’s pretty. She’s white. She looks like she wants to murder Gina.

Good. 

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Gina looks between Aly and EJ, immediately clocking how he’s struggling not to laugh at her faux confusion. “Am I interrupting?”

Aly just arches an eyebrow; it’s not as menacing as Gina 1.0 can be. “I don’t know,” she says slowly, eyes narrowing. “I’m Aly.”

The next sentence is logical, too, but it makes her heart clench. “I’m Gina. The girlfriend from back home.”

She doesn’t extend a hand to shake, she doesn’t disentangle from EJ. It’s rude and a little overboard, but the way Aly’s face falls and she shuts down instantly almost brings out a snort. Apparently the shitty behavior doesn’t matter—either that or it works a little too well—because that line has Aly glancing around like she has somewhere to be, like she didn’t corner EJ to flirt with him yet again. “I didn’t know you were on campus,” she manages, which sounds a lot like I’d only flirt with your boyfriend when you’re not here to Gina. But it’s followed up with, “I’ll leave you guys to it,” and then she disappears into the throng of people.

There’s a two second pause before they both dissolve into giggles and Gina rests her forehead against his shoulder. “Am I that intimidating or was she shocked you had a girlfriend?” she asks, closing her eyes for a moment.

EJ’s laughs directly into her ear. He’s not letting go of her either. “Maybe both. I might just be used to your intimidation tactics.”

That gets a snort. Gina lifts her head, shifts her arms so she’s the tiniest bit closer, and gives him an incredulous look. “My intimidation tactics.”

“Just the fake dating ones, don’t worry.” He’s grinning cheekily, fingertips burning into the small of her back now. His hands aren’t low at all. She realizes she wouldn’t mind either way.

“I guess I’ll trust you.” The music’s upbeat and lively, but Gina shifts so they’re able to sway a little. EJ adapts right away. “After all, you’re the only person I’ve fake dated, so you’d know the best.”

His smile gets wider, crow’s feet sprouting from the corner of his eyes. “Same for you. Do I have any intimidation tactics?”

Gina snorts again. “Aside from the hug from behind at the airport to ward off that fucking pedophile, no, I’d say you don’t.”

“Ulch.” He’s frowning now. They keep swaying, his arms tightening slightly. “That still makes me sick to think about.”

She tilts her head and makes a high-pitched noise. “Eh, it wasn’t great. But I like that that’s how you greeted me after getting home.” She loved it, actually. Being able to lean back against him, then turn around and tuck into his arms more without breaking contact is easily in the top ten moments she’s been overanalyzing since his birthday party. It’s only been two months of knowing she’s in love with him, actually being in love with him for much longer probably, and every single interaction makes her head spin more than the last.

EJ smiles back at her. Of course his green eyes find a way to twinkle at her in this dark room. “I can greet you like that more, if you want.”

He’s kidding, but she’s not. Gina leans closer, cutting the distance between them yet again. She’s not close enough to freak him out, but it’s certainly enough to set her nerves on edge. In a good way. Always a good way. “I’ll greet you like this more then too.”

He smirks. “All the touching or the ‘Hi, I’m the girlfriend from back home’ bit?”

“Whatever you need.” Both. She wants it to be both.

He doesn’t respond, just shakes his head and continues dancing with her. The skin-to-skin contact threatens to swallow her whole. She wants him to want both, too. Desperately.

Not kissing him is beginning to become a chore for her.

࿏

After spending the entire party enraptured with EJ (as if that’s a novel concept for her), Gina can’t help but slip into his room after they’ve said goodnight.

They haven’t had a full conversation about that one vacation morning since it happened. “I think we fell asleep” is about the extent of it, although it's not technically taboo. They don’t talk about that, they BARELY talked about the Fourth of July at the time, and yet, Gina knows adding one more unspoken moment to their history is worth it if she’s able to sleep next to him tonight. She just loves him. Is that such a crime?

The door creaks when she opens it, her bare feet adding to the tiny noise. It’s a tiny room, to be honest. She takes two steps and is already halfway to his bed. He looks up fairly quickly after that, a question on his lips that she beats him to. She can tell he’s about two seconds away from falling asleep.

“Heard a ghost,” she whispers, pressing a knee onto the bed in an attempt to seem more casual about this. On one hand it’s very casual, almost logical to sleep in the same bed as EJ when she’s staying in his apartment. But on the other hand… she’s in love with him. And this is putting herself out there without really putting herself out there.

But of course, he’s EJ, so all he says is “You’re just cold” before shifting onto his side and making room for her.

That’s a go-ahead if she’s ever seen one. She quips, “Because of the ghost, Mr. Caswell,” and then crawls in soundlessly, planning on just laying beside him because she might be bold right now but not THAT bold. But again, he’s EJ. Her head’s barely hit the pillow before he’s pulling her against him, eyes already closed. Gina curls right into him instinctively.

“Can’t let the ghost get you,” he says in lieu of a real explanation. She has to wonder if they’re both just taking small liberties wherever they can.

“What a hero you are,” she teases, hooking her chin over his shoulder. This has no right being this comfortable.

“Naturally,” he murmurs, speaking right into her hairline.

“Naturally.”

࿏

Naturally, EJ is there to meet Gina right after her Juilliard audition the next day.

“First and foremost,” he says when she raises her eyebrows at the two ice cream cones in his hands, “I bought these probably a little too early to pick you up so you might wanna eat fast.”

She squints and hides the full smile she feels coming on. “Is this warfare? Trying to give me a brain freeze because I kicked your ass at beer pong?”

EJ shushes her as he steps closer, trading off one cone for her heart in his hands. “That’s cup pong to you.”

“It’s cup pong to you, too,” she teases, leaning in.

“Yes, well,” he huffs, making a show of straightening his spine and looking away. She wonders if the proximity bothers him, but he doesn’t move away otherwise. “That was last night. Today you’re Gina Porter, the future of Juilliard, so.” He cuts his gaze back to hers, the sun sparkling in his green irises. “So how’d it go?”

Gina huffs back exaggeratedly, daintily licking at her ice cream cone to frustrate him. She’s not even a little bit surprised to find he got her favorite: caramel coffee. “How do you think?” she decides on as they start up a lazy stroll.

“Amazing, obviously.”

“Duh.”

“But I wanna hear about it from you.” EJ slurps up his ice cream—teaberry, if she knows him at all. And she certainly does if the look he sends her way means anything—as he waits for her to recount her audition. She doesn’t.

The thing is, auditioning for Juilliard was one of the only moments of true intimidation Gina has felt in her life. The reality of the situation set in immediately; how could it not, when everywhere she looked she saw dedicated dancers chasing their dreams? Gina 1.0 would’ve given exactly zero shits, but Gina didn’t want to channel that energy. Instead she smiled at everyone she saw, exchanged a few numbers, offered and received compliments, and went through the audition with her head held high. She’s not trying to jinx anything, but she feels good about it.

Still, something about that experience was almost surreal. It lands somewhere in her chest like a bridge between her character shifts, and she cherishes that she reacted so much differently to this challenge than she had to previous ones. EJ wouldn’t diminish that feeling, but she wants to keep this moment for herself.

Gina smiles and shakes her head, tipping her ice cream cone in his direction. “No jinxing, but I promise it went fine. Now tell me which of these stores you’ve exercised your white male privilege in so I can make fun of you.”

He coughs around his ice cream. “Can we define what exercising means in this case, because simply existing—”

“Yes.”

“No, no—”

“Of course.” She’s grinning as she licks a swirl into her ice cream, EJ’s laugh tinkling in her ears.

He doesn’t go into detail about his shopping habits—despite her playful prodding, during which he takes a bite out of her ice cream and she shrieks incredulously—but he does talk about Rent again, this time specifics. He sings a few lines so Gina gets a little bit of the experience he’s had thus far, then shifts very quickly into name-dropping people so she stops asking him to full-out serenade her in public. This means he mentions his director Nina—“Which, by the way—very weird not to hear ‘Nini’ instead.” “You should tell Nini about that.” “Oh, she knows. I called her.”—and mimics Nigel’s dialect in a British accent. Nigel doesn’t have one, but with a name like that and the Codename: Kids Next Door association, they both agree his parents were asking for it.

It’s the kind of outing that Gina yearned for before she made it to East High and the Wildcats took her in. It’s the kind of outing that people write about, the simple mundaneness creating a perfect time capsule of a moment that could work at any point in history. Gina grasps just how much love and adoration she has in her heart for her friends, but then she’s strolling through the streets of New York after a Juilliard tour with EJ Caswell, joking around as they steal licks of the other’s ice cream, and suddenly it’s a struggle to hold the weight in her chest—in the best way possible. It’s the kind of outing she never wants to forget.

She takes his free hand in hers and fights against the heartbeat rising in her throat as he twines their fingers together. Soon enough they’re swinging their joined hands back and forth between them and pointing their ice cream cones at storefronts, the banter never ceasing for a minute. It’s not the first time Gina realizes how close this is to a long-distance relationship, but it is the first time she imagines this kind of closeness if she makes it out to New York permanently. And not as best friends and roommates, but as boyfriend and girlfriend.

࿏

Later that night, Gina doesn’t realize she’s on autopilot until she’s opening EJ’s door and he’s rolling over for her to lay down again. 

It’s an automatic thing, an expected thing, and her heart doesn’t ache so much as it bursts upon contact. It’s times like these where she has a really hard time believing her feelings aren’t reciprocated. Not when she’s tucked into his chest and can feel his heart beating just as loudly as hers. Not when his arms fit around her like the perfect puzzle piece.

࿏

Gina wakes up at some point, face smushed against EJ’s chest comfortably and his arms loosely curled around her waist. Her breathing picks up a little—in a natural way, not because of their proximity. Honestly. It’s been two nights, but already she’s used to sleeping in the same bed as him—and because of that, she realizes her mouth is completely dry. Water. She needs water.

Untangling herself from EJ is one of the hardest things she’s ever done. She can co-choreograph entire musicals with Carlos, manage being uprooted way more than any teenager should have to, and handle Ricky’s initial rejection with dignity and poise, but leaving EJ in the middle of the night proves to be incredibly difficult. His fingertips rest on the sheets in a way that makes it look like he’s reaching out for her in his sleep, and dammit if that doesn’t tug on her heartstrings.

Gina drags herself away from him, taking small steps on the balls of her feet. She’s thankful that her pajama pants tonight are form-fitting instead of ones that would swish loudly on the hardwood floor. She glances at the clock, confirming that it’s one a.m. before easing open the door quietly and slipping out, her only concern not waking EJ up with her.

And then she makes eye contact with Austin in the kitchen, very much awake and very much aware of her sleeping arrangement. A much bigger concern.

She doesn’t often wish to be struck down on the spot, but the way his eyes trail from her to EJ’s bedroom door does it for her.

“We’ve shared a bed before,” is what comes out of her mouth, and god who allowed her to speak? Who thought that was a good idea?

Austin just raises his eyebrows and offers a single discomfiting nod, turning around to fill up his own glass of water at the sink.

It’s worse. It’s so much worse than she could’ve imagined, because her feet instinctively carry her into the kitchen to do the exact same thing instead of abandoning ship and bolting into the bathroom. What is it about her and Austin interacting that immediately makes it into her top ten most uncomfortable interactions? For the most part she’s been around EJ and only EJ, the party being an anomaly, so every time she sees Austin is like a shock to her system.

She nods to his glass, grateful that she doesn’t have to verbally ask where to find one. But then he doesn’t say anything as he swings open a cupboard and hands her own, and yeah, speaking might’ve been better for once with him. She keeps it in mind as she maneuvers in front of the sink, holding the glass underneath the spigot before flipping it on. And then she picks a boring topic.

“Do you like NYC?” Does water always run this loudly? Gina watches the glass fill, slow as molasses, adding onto her question as if it wasn’t painful enough as is. “Major-centric classes and all.” She realizes she doesn’t know what his major is, but it’s too late to ask now that she insinuated she knew already.

“I mean, I came in undeclared, so this semester is similarly shitty.”

Good fuck, how does one even respond to an answer like that? Gina nods to herself like that makes sense—she supposes it does, despite not knowing the logistics—and lets the water run for a moment longer before turning it off. At this point she grasps that she can do one of two things: stay in the kitchen and continue failing at this sad excuse for a conversation, or take the glass to EJ’s room where no coasters exist.

Her desire to be a good guest wins out, because Gina turns until her back’s to the sink and she’s officially looking at Austin.

“How ‘bout the apartment then?” she tries again. Her words to Ricky spin around in her head then, about never doing anything right the first time. How fitting that this is the exact same case.

Austin doesn’t feel like trying, apparently, because he tilts his glass toward the living room and starts padding in that direction. “It’s fine.” She sees now that one of the small lamps is lit, an open textbook next to it along with slippers he must’ve slid off to come to the kitchen. There are a lot of things Gina can endure, but drinking her water in the background in the middle of the night while Austin sits in the living room ignoring her is not one of them.

It’s just awkward enough that Gina adorns her 1.0 confrontation skills, rolls her shoulders back, and asks pointedly, “Did EJ not ask if I could stay here or something?”

Austin’s steps stutter, halting in front of the fridge. “What?” He’s looking at her with a blatantly confused expression. Gina gets it; that doesn’t sound like EJ at all, and she knows it’s not the case, but—

“Oh, I’m just trying to make sense of why you’re being such a bitch to me.” She thinks it says a lot about their unspoken but noticeable dynamic that Austin doesn’t even flinch. Neither does she. “I literally just met you.”

He doesn’t smile, but his lips quirk up humorlessly. “Yeah, but EJ’s said a lot about you.”

Gina feels her face fall. She’s been told EJ doesn’t shut up about her from his other friends, taking every chance he gets to gush about his best friend back home, dancer extraordinaire, The Gina Porter. It all sounds incredibly poetic from Hannah and Emily and the rest of the stage crew, but coming from Austin it sounds… not great. And Austin doesn’t like her, so mentioning that he’s heard about her in this context doesn’t put her at ease. 

She means to ask for clarification in a much more casual way, but his sentence feels like a sucker punch to the gut and her question comes out timidly. “...bad stuff, or—”

“No,” he interjects, eyes skittering over her face like he’s analyzing her. He might as well be squinting with how hard he’s staring her down. “The opposite. He adores you.”

And there’s the blush. Some of the instant anxiety leaves her body. She leans a hip against the counter. “Yeah, well.” She twirls her glass around once. “The feeling’s mutual.”

The veiled skepticism on his face is replaced with open curiosity. Austin sets his own glass down and crosses his arms, standing even with the top of the fridge. Apparently he’s not relaxing yet. “What’s the big deal with you two, anyway? How’d you get to this point? Flying out to visit for the weekend during your senior year, I mean.”

He’s not glaring or anything, so Gina feels slightly compelled to answer him. She always likes talking about EJ, too, but explaining their bond is a whole new beast. “Uh… well.” She exhales and rubs her free palm on her pajama pants. “In my life, people are always leaving if I don’t leave first, because I’d move around with my mom… and I don’t let people in. But then I started putting down roots in Salt Lake at the same time EJ let himself be more vulnerable and it—I guess we grew together. And even though he’s here, in New York, and I’m in Utah, he still stayed in a way. And that’ll always be a big deal to me.”

The reality of their situation becomes a lot more true once it’s out there for Austin to judge, but he just keeps the same expression and lets it sink in. Gina fidgets with her water for about two seconds before she realizes she can drink it and ignore the weighted silence.

It’s not like she didn’t know how much EJ’s friendship means to her. She did. She’s grateful for it and him every single day, after every single text, every single FaceTime, every single thought she has about him. It’s impossible to have a connection with EJ Caswell and not ruminate on why it fills you with immense joy. It’s just the effect he has on people, on her. And she loves him for it, almost as much as she loves him for staying. Almost as much as she loves him anyway.

“I get that.” Austin speaking after so long jerks her out of her thoughts, the water almost spilling over her bottom lip. He’s nice enough to ignore her obvious startled reaction, which is already a huge change from how he’s acted around her the rest of this weekend. “I know he credits a lot of who he is today to his admiration for you. Seemed a bit unhealthy, to be honest—until right now, that is.”

Gina feels the blush creeping back up, so she chugs more water to discourage it. She swallows, places the glass in the sink, and says with her back turned, “What, now that you know how much he’s affected me as well?” The phrase I’m a goner for him comes into her mind. But she can’t say that.

When she turns back around and sees the look on his face, she’s pretty sure he’s reading into it correctly anyway. “Yeah. Guess I assumed too much.” Austin uncrosses his arms enough to shrug properly and put a hand out toward her. “I apologize.”

“Apology accepted.”

He nods then and begins to move around the island, clearly done with this late-night interaction. Gina’s done, too. She feels simultaneously emotionally wiped out and ready to take on the world with nothing but her love for EJ and the way he loves her back.

She waits a moment for Austin to become reabsorbed in his studying, though. Getting to the bottom of his weird behavior is one thing; receiving another look from him as she reenters EJ’s room is an entirely different obstacle that she’s not dealing with right now.

࿏

Gina’s in the living room not twelve hours later packing her suitcase, hauling out of EJ’s room to retrace her steps for little things. Her phone charger has been missing for most of the weekend so she used EJ’s, which worked just fine until she realizes she can’t do that back home.

She’s already tossed her toiletries from the bathroom into the suitcase, so now it’s zipped open and laying on the floor in front of her as she tries to reorganize. It closes just fine, but she tossed the ziploc bags her shampoo and conditioner were in and EJ and Austin are semi-broke college students who don’t own any more. She’s really not willing to go through the flight back home with hair products leaking all over the rest of her stuff, so the placement this time around is strategic.

It’s such a process that she put in her airpods twenty minutes ago, sat cross-legged with her back against the couch, and got to work. She’s in the middle of fighting with a can of hairspray and a pair of converse when Ash texts her a video. Gin pauses her playlist and slides open their conversation, immediately grinning.

It’s a once-over of their living room back home, except it’s covered with balloons in LACM’s colors and Big Red is standing in the middle of it, looking like he’s planning on attending rather than Ashlyn for how much he’s smiling. The video is paired with a text that reads “could not love him more. excited for you to get home gi!” Gina double taps the message and loves it, shaking her head. They continuously top themselves with how sweet a couple they are. 

She’s swiping out of iMessage and back to her music, thumb hovering over the screen as she contemplates switching up her playlist, when she realizes there’s a very quiet conversation happening behind her in the kitchen. Austin says in a deliberately hushed tone, “I think I was wrong about her,” and her lips quirk up a bit. If he’s saying this to EJ then they really must’ve smoothed out his initial issue with her.

The almost-smile is nothing compared to the one that EJ gets, though, when he responds instantly with “In what way? That she’s not amazing? Because she is.”

Gina’s content with only hearing this bit of the conversation, but then there’s a long stretch of silence. She figures it makes sense if you’re looking at Austin, but she’s facing the other way and if she turns around then whatever reason they have for discussing her goes flying out the window. So she stays still and taps randomly through her phone, feigning nonchalance. 

“The other part” is all he says. A leading statement, clearly a topic they’ve frequented.

Her eyebrows are furrowed even as EJ hesitates and responds lowly, sounding unsure of himself or Austin or the situation. “...no. You’re not right about that.”

Gina waits for another ten seconds, wondering what any of that meant, but the guys never return to it. She starts her music back up, hitting shuffle to match the confusion she’s currently feeling, and resumes packing. The other part swirls around in her mind on its own accord.

࿏

It’s so bad by the time all three of them reach the airport that Gina’s actively reminding herself of how long she has between now and winter break without seeing EJ just to keep her mind off of it. Three words. A three-word statement has driven her to the brink of insanity.

“So you’re still not coming home for Thanksgiving?” she asks, wheeling her suitcase around behind her with such a vengeance that it mimics a hyperactive twelve-year-old boy about to break his ankle with a razor scooter. 

EJ offers a crooked, confused smile. “I didn’t last year.” Austin’s a few paces behind him, looking far too much like an assessing father for Gina’s liking.

Gina bites back a sad smile. “I know. But it’s your favorite holiday and a girl can hope, right?”

She begins to shrug, but he pulls her into a hug and it falters as her hands splay across his back, settling comfortably between his shoulder blades. It almost doesn’t register that EJ kisses her forehead before holding her more securely, and that alone has her snuggling into him. Just for a second, even with Father Austin watching them. She likes being enveloped by EJ and his love for her much more than worrying about what others think.

As it is, Austin doesn’t even bat an eye when she glances at him over EJ’s shoulder. It makes sense. She did just spend two nights in EJ’s bed; a hug at the airport before she heads home is hardly as scandalous as… anything else this weekend was. But that knowledge just sends her spiraling again throughout the rest of the hug, and EJ insisting all three of them take a picture, and even as she gets a nice one-armed hug from Austin. She tries to focus on the respect they’ve built in that single motion and not whatever the hell the other part means. 

She’s not tired, and she doesn’t suffer jet lag from flights this short, but there’s no way she’s staying awake with that question monopolizing her thoughts the entire way home.

i miss you. 

i miss you

wow

that sent at exactly the same time. 

i’m surprised you didn’t send one sooner

you’re not the one on a plane for a few hours

austin made me wait. 

something about “codependency” blah blah blah. 

lmaooo eej he was teasing

you haven’t heard him how he griped about it before tho

no, but i’ve met him now. he was teasing

👀 why’re you so focused on austin

…are you into him?

bc i could. i mean. i could put in a good word, although it might be weird. 

BAHAHAHAH

EEJ

PLS DONT

NOT INTERESTED

HES NOT INTERESTED IN ME

WIPE THAT FROM YOUR MIND

OKAY I DIDNT NEED ALL CAPS TO UNDERSTAND. 

I THINK YOU MIGHT

࿏ 

this just in: minnie, nigel, and brendan also want to meet you. 

am i right to assume you’ve talked too much about me again

*not enough about you, and yes. yes i have. 

see it’s just so easy to make fun of you for that

bc i can talk about you all i want

everyone knows you here

YOU however

are regaling new york locals and random college students w anecdotes of the lovely gina porter, yeah. 

you say that like it’s a bad thing. 

oh ofc not

i love meeting ✨fans✨

honestly not sure that’s too far off. 

brendan made a joke about you putting up w me, WHICH

HES GOTTEN TO KNOW ME MORE IN THE PAST FEW WEEKS

BUT WOW

he was kidding, right?

oh definitely

it was funny too

good. 

gina 1.0 was fuckn locked and loaded babe

this is why i love you. 

no, but when he meets you he’s probably gonna at least act like he worships the ground you walk on. 

i thought you said he was making fun of you, not copying you

WOW

IM SORRY

GORNNF

THIS IS THE LOVE I GET BACK

I LOVE YOU

YK THAT

NOT SO SURE ANYMORE SMH. RUDE. 

EEEEEEJ

NOPE. 

[calling: babe 🍚]

[call duration: 3hr 17min]

࿏ 

so i’ve decided something

hit me

even if i don’t get into juilliard

which is impossible. 

or nyu

gi they won’t deny you. 

i’ve been camping out in their admissions office. 

they know too much. 

PLS 😭

no, but just if. IF i don’t get in

i still wanna be in new york

yeah?

yeah

any particular reason?

oh idk

what was that thing about a sense of your importance

you mean the ACCURATE sense of my importance. 

that. 

exactly that.

[ 2min later ]

you can say no, yk

i don’t wanna encroach on your space, i just thought it’d be fun

gi what no

c’mon

you seriously think i don’t want you to move out here after graduating?

ik i’ve been keeping it together pretty well, but i’ll lose my mind if i have to spend another semester without you. 

“keeping it together”

yes that was the joke. 

bc it’s bad. 

gotta have my future wife out here w me, yk

gotta be w my future husband

❤️😌

About halfway through a musical rehearsal the sound system cuts out completely. Gina grew tired of running through ‘Delta Nu Nu Nu’ and ‘Whipped Into Shape’ back-to-back two attempts in, so she takes this opportunity to retreat into the dressing room for a breather. Naturally her friends follow her lead and collapse into chairs immediately.

“I wonder if Natalie will have the inside scoop on Miss Jenn and Mr. Mazzara’s relationship after this,” Ashlyn comments, stretching her legs out as she does so. Mr. Mazzara was already hanging around to ‘help’ with rehearsal, but as soon as the sound system crashed he was on the move. Miss Jenn hurried up to survey the issue and Natalie took to manhandling both of them right away. Her onstage presence hasn’t totally eclipsed her backstage presence, and it’s moments like this that her talents are greatly appreciated.

“We really don’t know that much about how they interact with each other, do we?” Gina muses from beside her roommate, tipping her head back and closing her eyes against the harsh lights. She might relocate to the floor if the sweat doesn’t stop soon. Although, in a little over six months, sweating her ass off in high school musical rehearsals will be a thing of the past. The thought forms a headache.

“At least you’ve had dinner with them,” Carlos says in a frustrated tone. Gina doesn’t have to open her eyes to know he’s pouting. “Miss Jenn and I have gotten coffee numerous times, but not once—not once has she brought her boyfriend with her.”

“Maybe he’s worried about how he treated you at the beginning of sophomore year,” Seb suggests. Gina can picture his hand on Carlos’s arm.

“He should be more worried about how he’s treating me right now. This is not a good impression!”

“Are you sure Miss Jenn’s not the one keeping him away?” comes Walter’s small voice, and Gina’s honestly surprised he spoke up about this matter. She knows she could ask EJ if he has any info on Mr. Mazzara’s avoidance behavior, but she also knows he probably hasn’t gotten anything out of the man. And that Carlos is likely blowing this out of proportion when the likelihood of seeing their two favorite teachers in a year’s time is doubtful.

Fuck, her head is pounding.

“If she really wanted to keep him away then he wouldn’t be at rehearsal all the time, now would he, Walter?”

There’s some noise on the floor that sounds like putting distance between them; Gina knows it’s Walter. She also knows Carlos would snap at any one of them, but maybe Walter doesn’t know that and is taking it personally. She’s grateful when Ashlyn changes the topic. 

“Has anyone heard anything from Kourtney about how far along she is?” Ash poses, which is about as good as a subject change as they’re gonna get. It helps that they all really miss Kourtney, even when she stops by at least once a week. Gina sees Big Red a lot more because of his dates in with Ashlyn, but he and Nini manage to get to rehearsals a lot less than Kourtney—and, on the few occasions they’re there at the same time, Gina’s never in either of their groups of students.

No one ever promised things would stay the same when half of the friend group left East High, but lately it feels like all Gina can pay attention to is what’s changed. New York took her mind off of it all—she wasn’t able to think of much more than EJ, and the plane ticket she finally got, and the other part —but the reprieve allowed the feeling to come back twice as strong. Her friends aren’t around like before. The several group chats are alive and well, but there’s a distinct difference. Instead of everyone gossiping about the same crazy mishap at rehearsal that day, it’s Ricky sending pictures of him dangling off of obscure places on campus and Howie sharing clips of him singing funny songs about his new friends. EJ’s taken to sending nearly all of his media to Gina only, so while she recognizes that’s just one more disparity to their friends, she’s thankful she’s his exception. 

Gina rolls her neck and sits up in her seat, deciding she’d rather be fully in the conversation than wait to cool off with her wandering thoughts. They’re not going anywhere good. “I think Kourt’s stopping by early next week to show us her costume progress,” she offers, cracking her knuckles.

“Oh, she’s been so secretive about it,” Seb laments, crossing his arms. “I just want to know what shade of pink to paint my nails.”

Ashlyn frowns. “That’s a good point, actually. I hadn’t thought about that.”

Carlos points at all of them, gaze sweeping across the entire room. “I hope you know we’re all getting manicures before opening night.”

Walter shuffles his feet. “Is this negotiable?”

“No, it’s not!”

Seb smiles in Walter’s direction, a kind look in his eyes. “I’m sure you can get clear polish, at least.”

Carlos puts his arms out. “I’m not suggesting the entire legal team gets bright pink nails done! Black should suffice for half of the cast.”

Gina snickers. “So should I go with red as another red herring for the murder, or is that too spot-on?”

“What color says ‘bitch but with a heart’ to you guys?” Ashlyn contemplates aloud, waiting until Gina meets her gaze to giggle. Some of her mirth filters back in with the exchange.

Carlos sighs. “Why do I hang out with you people?”

“Alright.” Carlos puts his hands on his waist and surveys the room, making eye contact with as many people as possible. “I should be allowed to address this, right? The costumes are so obvious that I can bring it up?”

Gina’s not a redhead, and she doesn’t match purple with green twenty-four-seven, and she’s not out solving mysteries with her friends, but for Halloween she’s still dressed as Daphne… and EJ, who she’s about to FaceTime, is still dressed as Fred. He hounded her about Iron Man and Black Widow, but Gina convinced him to hold off until they’re actually in the same state for it. She can’t wait to see him in the helmet she got him.

All that aside—or maybe because of it— of course she understands why Carlos is basically at his wit’s end about this. That doesn’t mean she has to address the clear romantic implications, though.

“Fred and Daphne aren’t dating in all incarnations of the franchise, you know,” she says casually, setting her phone up against the microwave so it’ll catch as many of them as possible in frame. EJ should be calling any second now.

“This must be the episode right before they get together then,” Big Red stage-whispers, and Gina has to fight a snort. She really fucking hopes he’s right, and she can see their friends share knowing glances in the microwave’s reflection. Nini’s smiling and shrugging at everyone in a ‘what can you do?’ kind of way. Gina doesn’t know whether to feel betrayed or utterly amused.

“It’s a really long episode,” comes Natalie’s murmured comment.

“Maybe an extra-special one?”  Seb tries.

Gina’s really glad that her phone starts ringing then, relieving her of having to respond to all of their speculation. She’s also glad that everyone’s standing far enough back that they can’t see EJ’s name on her phone screen. Sure, they know about the habitual fake dating and the use of the word ‘babe,’ but if they saw that when they’re already ragging on her this much… she doesn’t even want to know how much worse it could get.

EJ’s face, predictably, breaks out into a grin once the call goes through. “Hey! You look amazing.”

Gina’s opening her mouth to return the compliment—neither of them committed to wigs, which is probably for the best—when Kourtney hollers from behind her, “Thanks for extending the compliment to the rest of us, pretty boy! We all know your googly eyes go only one way!”

His face goes red and a quick glance down to her own image proves that Gina does too. She fixes it with a smile and a shake of her head, saying, “Sorry, should’ve expected that,” and backs up so the rest of their friends come into view. 

Nini whoops and hollers as Ashlyn crosses her arms and says, “You’re really pulling that ascot off, Eej. Wasn’t expecting that.”

Her cousin scoffs, shifting within frame as his free hand fiddles with said ascot. “I take offense to that. Everyone should know I always pull everything off.”

Carlos tilts his head. “Like matching Gina.”

Gina loves Carlos, she does, but he’s treading on thin ice. She spins to face him and locks eyes purposefully. “Yeah, he’s good at that too,” she says slowly. She’s not intending to be threatening or anything, but the small irritation she feels building disappears when her friend nods once and starts to fix his boyfriend’s hair instead. They’re embracing Legally Blonde so much that they’re staying in-character for the night.

Everyone kinda bombards EJ with college questions after that, filling the ten minutes they have before Trick-or-Treating with hurried, chaotic conversation instead of the calm banter Gina was looking forward to. She still enjoys it, of course, but there’s something to be said about needing alone time with EJ.

If she actually said that, though, then she’d fully deserve Carlos’s side-eyes and running commentary.

Much of Gina’s birthday passes more quietly than last year. She sees Nini, Kourtney, and Big Red at rehearsal—normally it’s only one or two of them staggered throughout their schedule, each person showing up when necessary—but they waste no time in announcing their united presence is for her birthday. There’s a cake, some streamers and balloons strewn around the bomb shelter, and Ashlyn sings to her in a way not unlike she did to keep her from leaving during Beauty and the Beast. Ricky, Howie, and EJ are all out of state but they send their birthday wishes through a third all-group group chat that includes Howie. 

Gina doesn’t realize how big a weight her whole date with Ricky last year was until she gets through the day with nothing even remotely similar happening. She’s single and in love with her best friend, sure, but that’s ten times better than being in a relationship she’s not meant for. And Ricky’s only sent one slightly negative text about Todd into the group chat over the past few months, so she’s willing to bet he’s having a better day this time around, too. 

School is normal, musical rehearsal is normal, dinner with her friends at Slices is normal. (She knows there was that whole thing with everyone insisting Ricky not take her to SLS on her birthday, but she greatly enjoys it now. She guesses the lack of a boyfriend in-sta—lack of a boyfriend is what makes it acceptable.) It’s all very lowkey in the best way. Like a subtle reminder from the universe that she has this to look forward to for the rest of her life, just happy moments with the people she cares about. It shuts up the underlying dread that’s been plaguing her for the day.

And later that night, when she’s FaceTiming EJ and he informs her that he sent out her gift on time this year and Ash has it hidden in her bedroom, her birthday just gets better. The entire NYU crew pitched in with cute stuff for a gift basket, but at the center of it all—wrapped in several layers of bubble wrap just to be safe—is a mason jar full of little notes from EJ to Gina. He tries to make it sound like it’s not a big deal, just some things he thought she’d laugh or smile at, but Gina’s whole body goes warm and she knows she’s looking at him all lovestruck and then he stops downplaying it.

He says he thought it could be a one-a-day kind of thing, so technically she could open it now, but she’s too enthralled with the sheepish way he’s navigating this situation and then Austin gets home from a late night out—with Minnie , although he swears it was an accidental run-in—that eventually she forgets. She falls asleep on the call, too, curled up in her bed with a grin still gracing her lips.

When she wakes up in the morning, she plugs her dead phone in and decides to open the jar now to read her first note. Her heart’s pounding as it is, but after unfolding it she makes the decision to never fold it back up.

you’re honestly my favorite person and i never want to lose you.

His handwriting is scribbled instead of the semi-neat writing she grew used to seeing at work. It’s on a torn-out piece of lined notebook paper. There’s a date at the bottom, too, something he neglected to mention he was doing.

February 14th.

Their Black Widow movie night, when she felt a loaded silence even through the phone. 

She wonders if that’s what he was thinking at the time, what he was feeling, or if they’re still subconsciously editing just how much they value each other. 

Yeah, that’s staying unfolded and going into her phone case so she’ll always have it with her. She can’t have EJ, but she can have his written feelings, and that’s almost good enough.

It’s a week later when Ricky texts her.

That’s not unusual, to be fair. They don’t text all the time, but every once in a while a meme is exchanged or they have a short solo interaction within the group chat. The difference this time, though, is that Gina’s at Starbucks with Ashlyn and Ricky texts her “sos: can i talk about todd for a sec?”

“Hold on,” Gina says, setting aside the frappuccino she just got and settling back in her seat, gaze focused on her phone. “I think Ricky’s got a problem.”

Ashlyn arches an eyebrow in concern. “Is everything alright?”

“Something Todd-related.” And right when she was thinking things were good between them, Gina laments.

She texts back with a “sure, ofc. what’s going on?” and is prepared to wait longer than a split second, but immediately Ricky comes back with “he asked me if he could marry my mom.”

Gina’s eyes widen as she stares down at her phone, trying to decipher the meaning behind those words. It feels foreign. After a beat she realizes Ash is asking her what’s wrong, so she looks up and says, “I’ve gotta—I should call him. Todd wants to propose.”

Ash’s jaw literally drops. “Holy shit, yeah, go call. I’ll be here.”

Gina slides out of her chair and hauls ass out the front door, finger already pressing down on the call button before she’s outside in the cold. She doesn’t wait for him to speak when he answers before saying, “Dude, that is a lot to grasp. Are you okay?”

Ricky coughs—whether it’s at her rapid-fire questioning or over the situation itself, she doesn’t know. “Yeah, it was just. I mean, it’s not sudden, they’ve been together for two years now. I guess I just needed to talk to someone about it. You’re sure you have time to talk?”

“Yeah, Ash and I just got Starbucks but she can wait a few minutes, don’t worry.” Gina pushes a lock of hair behind her ear and lets her gaze roam over the outside of the building. She’s never paid attention to its architecture before. “So it makes sense to you because it’s not rushed, but how does that make you feel?”

“I feel—I feel okay, I guess, and that’s why I wanted to talk?” He exhales. “I don’t know. It’s kinda hard to wrap my head around how I could react so badly before and now it’s like… like it’s perfectly fine somehow. You know?”

“You’ve had time to come to terms with it. I know it probably feels like they started dating yesterday, but things have moved forward. That’s good.”

“Yeah. It is good.” He sounds surprised by that revelation. 

Gina shoves her free hand back into her pocket and severely regrets leaving her jacket inside… then she remembers when she’d left home she grabbed the Duke sweatshirt, and that’s its own issue altogether. She gives Ricky another moment to ponder before asking, “Are you gonna go back to him and say you’re good with it then?”

“I didn’t even hesitate before saying yes.”

Something like a snort escapes her. “Wait, what?”

“Yeah, no, I didn’t ask for time to think it over or anything. It was like my brain went on autopilot for a second, reaching that conclusion before I knew I was actually okay with it.”

“That’s… I think that means you’ve healed in a sense, right?” She feels a small smile start to form at the thought. Therapy must have helped him. “If it was a no-brainer then you’ve gotten to a point where wanting your mom to be happy again doesn’t negatively impact you so much anymore.”

“Yes! That! Especially because I thought he meant, like, right now, but apparently he hasn’t picked out a ring or a time yet. Something about wanting to talk to me before he made any moves forward.”

Gina pivots, her chest full of warmth. “Sounds like he really respects your opinion.”

“That’s the weirdest part.”

She can’t help but snort fully now, ducking her head as it courses through her.

“You know, I think you laugh like that a lot more than you did before,” he muses absentmindedly. “Is it new?”

“Nah,” she says, feeling almost dizzy that he’s noticed after all this time and she’s no longer embarrassed. “It’s not, EJ just convinced me to care less about who heard.”

“He’s pretty mature about stuff like that.”

“So are you,” she says automatically, eyebrows furrowing. She’s always ready to praise EJ and his communication tactics, but right now Ricky needs to be reassured, and she knows as well as he does that bringing up EJ could majorly shift the topic. “You just gave Todd the go-ahead to marry your mom and that’s pretty fucking mature.”

He lets out a little laugh, like his reaction is shocking him just as much as her. “Yeah. Yeah, thanks, Gi. I’m glad we’re friends.”

The smile that graces her face now is so genuine that she feels like all their past bullshit falls away. “Me too,” she says, and she means it. Ricky’s not a bad guy, and she’s not a bad girl: they’re just not for each other, and finally they both understand that.

They end the call after a quick goodbye. Gina swiftly turns on her heel and heads back inside, running her hands over her jeans in a futile attempt to warm up faster. Ash is looking at her expectantly across from the coffee shop, so Gina offers a smile to tide her over until she’s sitting back down across from her.

“He’s good,” Gina assures, placing her phone facedown on the table now. “The freakout was kinda over a lack of freakout, but I think he’s fine. Todd doesn’t seem like a piece of shit.”

Ashlyn chuckles at that, sipping at her drink before pointing across the table. “I have noticed a lot less ‘ugh why the fuck is this guy around in his own apartment’ texts from Ricky in the group chat.”

Gina snorts. “Yeah, I’ve noticed that too.”

“I’m glad he’s handling it well.” Ash nods to herself, then glances down at her own phone’s notifications. “Do you talk to him often?” she asks, licking some of the whipped cream off the top of her drink even with her eyes locked onto her phone. “I know nothing’s weird between you two, but.”

“No, yeah, we talk here and there. He’s never had an issue coming to me about Todd stuff, but I wonder…” Gina frowns, pressing her legs together to warm up. “Normally he takes Nini’s advice over mine, y’know? Just how things work.”

“Like how you would take EJ’s over his.” Ashlyn says it’s like a given—because it is—and nods again, clicking her phone off and returning to her drink. She must’ve noticed the Duke sweatshirt draped over Gina’s chair.

“Yeah,” Gina agrees, finally taking the wrapper off her straw. “Yeah, like that.”

And then she’s thinking again. Not about what Carlos has called her senioritis, or about how she was definitely head over heels for EJ even back when she was dating Ricky and feels bad about that—although, when it comes down to it, she figures she and Ricky might be even by now. She thinks about preferring EJ’s advice over Ricky’s, and EJ and Ricky, and Ricky influencing EJ’s decisions, and then—

“Did you know that EJ wanted to buy me a plane ticket for my birthday last year?” Gina asks, tone so far from casual that she’s shocked. She wanted to be calm about this, and instead the seriousness of the topic came through loud and clear. She almost facepalms.

Ashlyn raises her head, eyebrows slightly drawn together. After it becomes clear Gina’s not elaborating yet, Ash slowly shakes her head no. “When’d he tell you that?”

She tries for casual again, messing with her straw wrapper. It might have the opposite effect. “On vacation. He was two seconds from falling asleep and it just slipped out.”

“Wait.” Ashlyn pushes her drink to the side and lets her gaze practically burn a hole into Gina’s face. “This wouldn’t happen to correlate to that morning I found you two in bed together, would it?”

“Oh my god,” Gina sputters at the phrasing, her brain short-circuiting. “Not like—not like that, but yeah—”

“How do you go from finding this out to sleeping together?”

“In the same bed!” Gina puts her hands up, lacking any facade of calm. “We slept in the same bed, not together, Ash, oh my god.”

Ash puts one of her own hands up and waves the sentence away. “I know that, but I’m still confused.”

Gina finds herself shrugging as her hands drop back to the table, her pulse slowly returning to normal. “I don’t know if I seemed grumpy or anything the day before that morning, but it’s because he mentioned the plane ticket the night before and I knew he didn’t realize he brought it up, so we hadn’t talked about it yet. I got… I was really upset and it was kind of an emotional conversation, so he hugged me and we just.” She shrugs again. “We fell asleep.” As much as she’d been pushing against Ash’s previous wording, thinking about how she actually shared a bed with EJ and how she felt when they woke up almost feels more intimate than if they had had sex. 

Thankfully, Ash isn’t a mindreader. She only tilts her head and says, “Okay, that makes sense. But why are you still so messed up about it now?”

“Because I—I should’ve known back then because he bought me the ticket, not a year later because he thought my dating Ricky meant he couldn’t invite me out.” The words tumble out of her in a much more violent manner than she expected. She hopes Ash can tell she’s not pissed at Ricky, especially not after such a nice phone call. She’s just still affected by the situation itself.

“Oh, so it connects to Ricky, and that’s why you—got it, that’s why you’re bringing it up. Right.” Gina kind of regrets starting this conversation, because there’s nothing to be done about it now and it could very well ruin their outing. She’s about to say they can drop it when Ash fixes her with a look and asks, “Then why is it still something you’re struggling with now? I know you missed out on visiting him once, but you got to do that this year. I didn’t even get to do that.”

And Gina knows she’s right about that. She got the trip she missed while EJ’s cousin didn’t, and that should be enough to make up for it. But it’s not about making up for anything. It’s about how Gina doesn’t want to be away from EJ at all. Not now, not back then, and certainly not in the future. Any possibility to see him in the flesh and hug him and hold his hand and—and do anything with him is worth taking to her.

Gina knows that’s the only logical explanation for this and that anyone—not just Ash—will be able to see right through her if she tries to lie. So she doesn’t. “Look, Ash…”

“You know.”

When she looks at her roommate now, she can pinpoint the excitement in Ash’s eyes so clearly. Gina swallows and manages a tiny smile. “Yeah. I know.” She shrugs, feeling uncomfortably warm all of a sudden. “I know how I feel.”

Ashlyn’s expressive eyes extend to her mouth, her cheeks, her hands coming up to grasp the table. “Gina! Oh my god, I’m so happy for you two! Ugh, finally. There wasn’t exactly a running pool on you figuring it out—more about when you’d get together—so I guess I can’t win yet, but damn. This is so exciting!” When she pauses to take a break, she finally notices Gina’s prolonged silence. Ash blinks once, twice, before leaning across the table a bit. “Wait, so then… why are you holding back? He totally likes you. ‘Like’ probably doesn’t even cover it—not to freak you out. But come on.”

Her confidence is endearing, really, even more so when she’s alluding to EJ being in love as well, but Gina knows she has to explain this a little more. Otherwise it sounds like she’s worrying over a given, over the logical next step. Just like at the party with him, she knows it makes sense. But still, the concern is real and it overshadows her feelings just enough to keep her from making a move yet.

Gina takes a shaky breath, then rolls her eyes at her own nerves. This is Ash of all people. It doesn’t matter that she’s related to EJ; there’s nothing to be afraid of. She tightens her grip on the straw wrapper and begins. “If I tell him how I feel and he feels the same way”—Ash gives her a look here—“and we break up because we’re apart, that’ll—”

“You can’t seriously think you wouldn’t talk after that.” Ashlyn doesn’t interrupt people, so Gina knows she must feel strongly about this if she did it now.

“No. No, of course not, but it’d be different. I don’t want different with him. I know a relationship would be, a little, but not as much as failing at a relationship would.” Part of her wants to bring up the whole the other part line, because it feels important, but ultimately she keeps that to herself. Because if she mentions it and Ash takes that as conclusive proof that EJ likes her, Gina doesn’t know how she’ll be able to move forward without reading too much into all of their interactions—even more than usual.

What if they’re wrong? It’s not likely with all the evidence saying otherwise, she’ll admit that, but there’s still a chance that EJ only likes her as a best friend and she’s alone in falling in love. There’s no doubt in her mind that telling him about her feelings and getting nothing back wouldn’t be like it was from Ricky. She didn’t bounce right back from that confession, sure, but telling EJ with no reciprocation would kill her. Would he be a dick? No, of course not. Would she know what to do with herself though? Also no. Of course not. 

“Even if you don’t agree with me on this, please,” Gina continues, stretching the straw wrapper so thin that it tears. She seriously hopes that’s not an omen. “Don’t try to convince me otherwise. Maybe I could… I don’t know, talk to him about it after graduation or something. But not right now. Not with things up in the air.”

Ash’s gaze flickers all over her face for a long moment. “You’re dead-set on New York.”

Gina nods. “Yeah.”

“Not because of school.”

She hesitates briefly, not used to being so open about this. She nods again.

“Then go about this how you want,” Ashlyn finishes, picking up a fry—when did she order those?—and biting into it. She waves the potato remnant at Gina. “But when he tells you he’s been crazy about you for years, don’t stop me from saying ‘I told you so.’”

Gina laughs, ducking her head. “Yeah, uh, I think I’d be too happy to fight you on that anyway, so no worries.” The future vision plays through in her head, coming to give Ash the news while holding EJ’s hand, his grin stretching across his face… She loves it. She wants it. 

She just can’t have it yet.

And then, because she’s Gina Porter and she has to cover all her bases, she clears her throat and asks, “You’re not gonna meddle, right?” She’s pretty sure the light apprehension shows on her face.

Ash makes a face. “Gina, if I had plans to meddle, I would’ve done it back on the first vacation.” Then she allows a little smile to tug at her lips. “Oh wait. I did. Dear Evan Hansen.”

Gina’s eyebrows furrow. “What about Dear Evan Hansen?”

Ashlyn presses her lips together and waits.

“Oh my god.” Gina exhales harshly as it hits her, because what the hell? “Did you fake being sick so we went alone?” When Ashlyn offers her palms up as a response, Gina gasps. “How in the world did you decide we were worth missing that musical?”

“Well initially I thought something would actually happen, but I underestimated how oblivious you both are.” Gina flushes at that, but Ashlyn just continues. “What can I say? I’m invested.”

Gina can’t help but groan and cover her face.

The embarrassment Gina feels at Ashlyn rooting for her and EJ doesn’t go away so much as it intensifies over the next week and a half. Ash does a great job at not making faces and quiet comments about it every time EJ’s brought up, but there are certain moments where there’s no other way to react. Like Gina’s continued text conversation with EJ while she helps Ashlyn make dinner for a date in with Big Red.

austin stopped by to give me a prop i left at home and now he’s attempting to flirt w minnie.

shiiit he’s making moves

key word: attempting.

it’s uh

it’s not the best.

PLS how bad can he be??

he literally just texted me—wHILE STILL TALKING TO HER ACROSS THE AUDITORIUM—"you better not tell gina about this later”

like who does he think i am??

wait until LATER? i’m telling you RIGHT NOW.

it’s true, i need real-time updates on this

i follow him on ig now, can i dm him about this or would that be too much

depends. to encourage or rag on him?

would ragging be too soon?

nah, go for it.

thats what i hoped you’d say.

“Gi, little too much interrupting for just a friend,” Ash says, waving around a wooden spoon.

Gina gives her an apologetic look and continues typing. “Not just a friend when I’m—” She falters, cutting herself off abruptly before finishing, “I’m the one with feelings, but I see your point.” She hasn’t explained the depths of her feelings to Ashlyn. She figures the fact that she’d be gushing about EJ to his cousin plays a role in the discomfort she feels at imagining that discussion, but mainly she’s nervous about saying it out loud for the first time.

i live to serve, obviously

then serve me your favorite picture of us, oh wise one

someone just reminded the cast that we need to make lil posters for out in the lobby.

of yourself in your natural habitat or?

if you mean “eternally engaged to gina porter,” then yes, that habitat.

you think i keep pictures of you?

never

i delete those instantly

good point, i hate seeing my best friend too.

ash must be the only one who enjoys seeing us smile in photos with each other

“I hope he’s a sparkling conversationalist is all I’m saying,” Ashlyn muses, stirring the concoction on the stove. Her hair’s pulled back into a loose ponytail at the nape of her neck and her posture is perfect, aside from the angle her head’s at in order to give Gina the eye.

Gina takes the hint and makes a show of locking her phone screen before setting it down. She surveys the kitchen island for a second before grabbing an onion, a knife, and a cutting board, smiling at Ashlyn as she sets up to begin chopping. “I love talking to you, too, just so you know.”

“Oh, I know,” Ash concedes, a smile in her voice, “but I also know I’ve heard you snort three times at the most, and Eej pulls those out of you like nobody’s business.”

Gina shifts the onion around. “How do you know that?”

“Because two of the three times I’ve witnessed were while you two were FaceTiming and I was down the hall.”

“That has to be an exaggeration,” Gina insists, sure she’s turning redder than Ash’s hair.

“No exaggeration necessary, Gi, and I think you know it.”

It’s kind of funny, honestly, if she imagines this either isn’t her life or that EJ’s her boyfriend and she has more of a reason to snort-laugh as often as she does with him. But neither of those are true and Ashlyn’s coming from a place of support, not malice, so it all balances out. Still—Gina’s embarrassed.

Gina continues cutting and changes the subject, both to distract herself from the tears forming and steer Ashlyn away from her cousin. “Is there a special occasion I’m unaware of, or is this date because the guys are coming home soon?”

“Yeah, no, Ricky and Howie are both flying home over the weekend but on different days, so I’m sure Big Red will be swept up in no time. I have to see him while I can.” Ashlyn’s laughing while she says it, though, so Gina feels safe in laughing about it too.

“You already know we’ll have a big group outing too.”

“Definitely. Carlos mentioned a big get-together, but I think it was partially Nini’s idea and she didn’t feel comfortable having it at her house.”

Gina frowns involuntarily. “Do you think she has any reason to feel weird about that? I really doubt Ricky would have a problem going over there, as friends or more.”

Ash shakes her head lightly. “The way I see it, their getting back together is just a time thing. Kinda like some others I know.” Gina figures she looks at her here, but she keeps her gaze down. “Unlike you two, I think it’s better they grow as people some more before finding their way back, you know?”

Gina can’t help but smile. “That’s the same thing EJ told Nini once.”

“Caswell cousins’ advice can’t be beat; what can I say?”

Gina finishes up the onion and rinses off and dries her hands before checking her phone again, deeming it an acceptable action now that she’s helped more. Ash knows what she's doing, anyway.

ash either has 3 pictures of us or 5000.

together or separately?

yes.

ask her pls

Gina glances up from her phone, knowing even before she asks that it’s probably a can of worms. “How many pictures do you have of me and EJ on your phone?”

Ashlyn snorts and goes about the rest of her business with a little more force than before. “Too many for you not to be dating, that’s for sure.”

Gina flushes the whole way down her neck and has no choice but to duck her head. “What an astute observation,” she mumbles, starting to type back.

“Oh, I think we’ve all made enough observations for you two by this point.”

a lot

like, probably a crazy amount

makes sense, she does love us.

totally the reasoning.

Closing night goes off without a hitch, Seb’s entire family loading him up with enough bouquets to last a lifetime. Howie got Kourtney one and Ashlyn received the customary huge bouquet from Big Red, of course, and Gina finds nothing but happiness in her heart when she sees Ricky give Nini a rose as well. She hears him murmur, “To make up for the whole rose fiasco junior year, but mainly because I could see the effort you put into helping the show. It had that Salazar-Roberts flair to it.” Gina scurries away before she can catch Nini’s response, figuring if she wants her to know she’ll tell her later. For now, though, that moment can be just for them.

They relocate to Denny’s as a group, scaring just one of the new employees because the rest are used to this kind of behavior after show nights. Stage crew mingles with the cast now way more than before. They’ve always gotten along, but Natalie’s final show as an actress has caused everyone to get sappy. It almost feels like Natalie’s the only senior in the show with all the fanfare. Gina welcomes the moment. It hasn’t fully hit that she’s graduating in May just yet, at least not in a “leaving East High” way. In “missing East High” and “hopefully leaving for New York for both Juilliard and EJ” kinds of ways, however, have definitely hit already.

She glances around the room then, catching glimpses of all the things she’ll miss when she leaves. Ricky and Nini aren’t sharing a meal so much as stealing bites of each other’s, but the domesticity is apparent. Big Red and Ashlyn are right beside them, completing the double date image perfectly. Howie and Kourtney are tucked away into their own corner. Seb and Carlos have gotten held up by Miss Jenn at the door, barely two feet into the establishment. Gina almost laughs at them, but seeing Walter and Natalie interact is such a startling sight that Gina actually does laugh. She loves it. She loves them all. 

A Denny’s employee pauses in front of her and gestures to her menu. “Are you ready to order?”

Gina’s in the middle of deciding when a pair of arms wrap around her from behind and she nearly jumps out of her skin. There’s a name on the tip of her tongue, although she’s not sure who she thought grabbed her, because when she turns and sees EJ’s face over her shoulder she feels nothing but ecstatic surprise.

“Eej, what!” That’s all that passes her lips before she flings herself off the bar stool and into his arms, feet finding the ground as her knees knock against his. It’s nothing like when she’s jumped into his arms before and the transition was seamless. This has both of them laughing and saying “ow” and resituating to properly hold each other, but it doesn’t dull the moment. It’s real and that’s all she’s ever wanted with EJ. It’s all she’s ever gotten with him, too.

“Is this a new thing you’re doing?” Big Red asks excitedly from somewhere off to Gina’s left. “Surprising Gina when you come home for winter break?”

Nini laughs. “It’s a really cute tradition if it is.”

Gina untangles from EJ enough to lock eyes with him. “If it is, I’ve caught on now.”

His hands are warm on her waist and his smile warms her heart. “I’ll have to step up my game, then.”

“You better,” she insists, shoving at his chest playfully. The movement causes his hands to slip from her waist and she figures now’s the moment they should sit back down, not be wrapped up in each other. He must feel the same, because they slide back onto the bar stools at the exact same time and that sends Gina into a fit of giggles. EJ starts laughing and poking at her, trying to garner a snort or two out of the interaction. Her heart feels so full she doesn’t even care that they’re in public.

The employee Gina spoke to before comes back now, interrupting the reunion. “Excuse me, but are you ready to order?”

Gina lets out an excited exhale after managing to push EJ away. She’s not that hungry anymore. “No, actually, I think I’m good for right now,” she says, a breathless grin on her lips.

“Are you sure?”

Kourtney laughs and responds for her, saying what everyone’s thinking. “Boy, she’s got all she needs right here.”

Carlos’s dinner party serves as a trial run for just how much Gina can get away with when dating-but-not-dating EJ.

It’s not intentional on her part, that much is clear. She never makes the conscious decision to push the (nonexistent) boundaries with her best friend to ease the flurry of emotions that have been sitting in her stomach for so long, but especially since her talk with Ashlyn. It’s not a thing, okay, not officially. Gina does not tell herself to rest her hand on EJ’s arm at the dinner table, on the couch, when she passes him to use the restroom. She does not tell herself to lean as close to him as she possibly can when he’s whispering tiny little remarks to her under the music filling the room. She can hear him just fine; she doesn’t need to cut the distance to, oh yeah, nothing.

What it boils down to is want, and she wants EJ. So she finds herself proceeding like that.

It comes to a head in her mind towards the end of the night. The chip bowls need refilled and everyone else is too enthralled in EJ recounting Rent for the first time—to them. Gina’s begged him and the NYU crew for so many details she can probably recite his scenes from memory, despite having been in Salt Lake at the time—so she volunteers to step out. She stacks two bowls and then grabs a third, getting to her feet just as EJ does to let her out of the circle they’ve formed. She finds herself saying, “You tell ‘em, babe,” tone sweet and admirable because he deserves to know he’s adored. And maybe his crooked smile in response gets to her a little more than she anticipates, because she leans over and pecks his cheek on her way out of the living room.

He doesn’t acknowledge it. She doesn’t acknowledge it. Maybe it’s a little new, but not entirely. If she has to hazard a guess, then this moment is the final blow to the barrier between casual cheek kisses for them. And she’s perfectly okay with that.

Even with Ricky cracking yet another joke about Carlos’s cooking, Gina feels at least half of their friends’ eyes on her back as she leaves the room. The conversation continues, sure, but she knows that they can multitask when it comes to romance within the group. And the smile tugging at her lips since they made contact with EJ’s cheek is distinctly tipping over onto the romance side.

Only two days later does Gina get sick—just a regular cold, not the food poisoning Ricky jokingly accused Carlos of; the bros were almost on the outs—and Ashlyn confines her to her bedroom for the remainder of the week leading up to Christmas. Gina figures that means lurking in the group chat and lots of sleep. EJ figures that means coming over immediately and keeping her company.

Gina’s on the receiving end of the heart attacks she probably gives EJ the second he reaches her bedroom door. He kicks off his shoes, pushes back the covers, and climbs into bed right next to her with no intention of personal space. (Not that they ever really have that intention, but she still notices.)

“Eeeeeej,” she whines, dragging out his name as she attempts to roll to the other side of the bed. She looks like shit and feels like shit, and while she’s not necessarily concerned about him seeing her like that, she is concerned about how many tissues are spread out on her bed.

One of his arms snakes around her waist anyway, lightly tugging her back to the center of the bed and then right past it and into his chest. She has the slightest fever to match her runny nose, but she’s absolutely certain she still gets chills because of that move. 

EJ Caswell has moves—good ones, too; she knows this—but all he has to do is give any indication that he cares about her well-being and Gina can’t control herself around him.

It’s not new, honestly.

“Nope, sorry, this is how it’s gonna be,” he insists, tone light but non-negotiable all the same. His eyes aren’t that concerned because it is just a cold, but they’re just worrisome enough that Gina lets herself sink into his arms. It was always going to be a losing battle, anyway. Giving up after one line from EJ doesn’t even make her feel embarrassed. It just makes her feel loved.

She wheezes out a tiny cough away from him before turning her head and burying it into his shoulder. “You’re going to get sick, too,” she tries, knowing that’s her duty here even as one of her hands starts to curl into the hem of his t-shirt on its own accord.

He only shrugs against her. “Then we’ll both be sick for Christmas. Quarantine together.” 

“Careful, Caswell. Almost sounds like you want that, putting it out in the universe like that.”

His laughter rumbles from his chest to the side of her body that’s nestled against him. “I’m more than prepared to handle that manifestation, babe. Can’t let you be alone. Not when I’m home.”

“Not when you’re in New York either.”

There’s a pause, but EJ’s fingertips tickle the skin on her shoulder. “How do you figure?”

Gina suppresses a harsher cough. “You never really leave me, you know. You’re always here.”

“You mean like in your heart?”

“Well, duh. I love you.”

“That’s a mutual thing, you know.”

There’s not another pause so much as the conversation drops off after that, her eyelids drooping and EJ beginning to flick through the channels on her TV, just trying to find some background noise for her to inevitably fall asleep to. Regardless, it’s not lost on her how easily she could’ve turned that into a confession. How anything she says to him, any interaction, really, could turn into a confession if she shifted the trajectory the tiniest bit. It’s just so easy with him, so normal to express her emotions and admire his efforts and saying ‘I love you’ isn’t a big deal, not really, not when it’s missing two words to give the full story. Because she loves EJ, and he loves her back, but that’s not as deep as it goes. It’s not as deep as she wants it to go.

Part of her wants to believe this is different, though, that cuddling with her when she’s sick in bed is a completely new step in their relationship. But really all they’ve done is moved from the couch. (EJ would’ve curled up with her on the fucking floor if she asked.) It’s not the first time they’ve shared a bed, or the second, or even the third. The only thing that changes, of course, is the usual: Gina realizes just how badly she wants EJ, and she has to sit with that knowledge as his arms wrap around her.

All things considered, there are worse fates to suffer.

Gina fully recuperates (and EJ comes out unscathed) over Christmas Day, only a handful of tissues strewn amidst the presents she unwraps—none of which, however, she receives from one EJ Caswell.

He told her a few days ago that her gift would be a day late. She made a wisecrack about Canada’s Boxing Day and getting to work out some aggression, but despite how long he cackled over that, she actually has no clue what the gift may be. Last year was more assorted mementos; the way he prefaces this makes it seem more like one huge thing. Just how huge, though, she doesn’t know.

He opens the car door for her just past two p.m. on the twenty-sixth, having swept her out of the house right before. She’s got a scarf she’s pretty sure belongs to Ash around her neck and EJ’s gloves shoved onto her hands, and something about being physically surrounded by her two favorite people in the world makes her feel as if she’s already gotten whatever EJ has in store for her.

At first it’s just a normal drive into town and she makes exactly one guess about fucking around in East High’s auditorium. He admits that her own private dance practice would’ve been stellar, but that’s not where they’re going. Gina’s too entranced by their banter to care. She cranks up the show tunes and sings along with him, only marveling a little bit at how nicely their voices sound together. It’s a shame they never got cast opposite one another, but Gina also has an inkling that being cast opposite EJ would elicit a much more overwhelming romantic feeling than when she was dating Ricky during The Wedding Singer. 

Of course it’s that thought that she’s shrugging off when they reach their destination, so her mind’s more than a little foggy at first. They’re parked right outside a strip of businesses she’s never been inside before, barely even looked at really, which is probably why she stares for so long at the tattoo parlor’s overhead sign before it clicks.

Gina turns to look at EJ in the driver’s seat, a clear what the hell expression showing, she’s sure. But he doesn’t even bat an eye before explaining.

“You’re going to college soon, and that’ll be another big move. And I know I probably made it sound like the worst thing ever,” he says, chuckling throughout it, like his suffering did anything but make her heart ache for him, “but this way you’ll have one thing with you no matter where you go.” He pauses, not smiling with his lips but the fondest look she’s ever received in his eyes. He wiggles his fingers in the parlor’s general direction. “Whatever you want, I’m paying.”

He’s not kidding, she knows that. He can’t be with a whole mini speech prepared, not when he knew the gift would be late and he talked it up so much. But Gina can’t help but stare at EJ—practically gawking—unsure what the appropriate reaction is to such a personalized gesture. Ultimately her filter fails her, though, and she blurts, “You really want to pay for a tattoo for me?”

EJ blinks back at her, putting a hand out after a moment. “I didn’t remember this wrong, right? Like, this is definitely something we’ve discussed and I’m not just giving you some bullshit Christmas gift?”

“No, we have,” she assures him, still playing catch up.

“Because I put a lot of thought into this,” he says, a self-conscious laugh breaking through.

Gina nods in an attempt to soothe his nerves, never mind her thoughts shutting down. “Yeah, no, you always do.”

“You want tattoos,” he clarifies once more, hand on his car door handle now.

“I do.” They’ve talked about tattoos before, because they’ve talked about everything, but she never gave much thought to when or how or what. But she’s not nervous—more like absolutely floored —so she follows him out of the car and into the parlor, cementing much more than her Christmas present in the action.

She sheds EJ’s gloves and Ash’s scarf while he talks payment with the tattoo artist working today. She picks up things like “appointment” and “eighteen years of age” and “yes I’m the one who made the appointment, I told you over the phone this was for my best friend.” Gina takes a seat in the meantime, EJ joining her a moment later and the artist coming over with a book of examples.

Gina manages a stilted “Uh, probably just a small thing, I think,” taking the book more out of courtesy than any clue what she’s looking through it for yet.

She doesn’t realize she was expecting EJ to flip through with her until he lets her take her time and checks his notifications instead. Mainly Instagram, of course, and then the pages she’s trying to view are blurring before her eyes. She’s always felt that tattoos should have significance, and coming in completely unprepared hasn’t given her time to figure out what that looks like for her. Then there’s the fact that, as a dancer, it should probably be easy to cover up and not some twisting, turning, blinding mass of a tattoo that’ll get her rejected from Juilliard or something. In both cases, her mind is coming up blank, so she turns to EJ to ask for his input anyway.

And his eyebrows are slightly furrowed as he taps out a small, undoubtedly thoughtful message, sitting right beside her but mostly in her heart, and that does all the work for her, doesn’t it?

When the tattoo artist comes back over, Gina listens to him ask if she knows what she wants without a single reservation in her head. She closes the book with a finalizing thunk and hands it to him, leaning forward slightly. “Yeah, actually I just want two words on my wrist. ‘Team Wonderstudy’?”

EJ’s head snaps up in her peripheral vision.

The tattoo artist nods and promises to be back in a moment once he sets up the room. Gina lets the decision sit between them for a second, filling the silence in a way that feels incredibly telling. But this isn’t something she’s going to regret down the line. She’s heard plenty of horror stories about getting significant others’ names tattooed, or a foreign language incorrectly translated; none of that matters to her. There’s not a world where she and EJ aren’t friends. Even if they drift apart a bit in the future—unthinkable—she’ll never hate having something that marks her growth and hope on her skin.

So Gina turns to him, relieved to notice the absence of a fluttering pulse. “I’m only getting it if you get one with me,” she says instead. 

All he can do is nod, blinking a few times. She’s seen him look dazed before because of something she’s done, but this is on a whole new level. Eventually he says, “Yeah. Yeah, same place?”

“Or the other wrist,” she offers, brushing past the eruption of butterflies in her stomach. He didn’t say no, or hesitate. His surprise isn’t the same as being unsure, and the way that his eyes have yet to leave hers solidifies that. “So we can take all those selfies for your Instagram.”

That’s what he goes with, once they explain to the tattoo artist that it’s actually a double appointment and EJ’s still paying for both. There’s a tiny moment where Gina almost suggests using their handwriting for the other, but that’s dipping a bit too much into hello yes I’m in love with you territory and it’s not a boundary she’s willing to cross.

Ashlyn gets to give her a very pointed (but excited) look when she takes the customary photo after they arrive back home, right before she orchestrates a whole staged pose. It’s just the two of them side by side out in the snow, their jackets off for an unbearable five minutes as they get the exact movement right. Gina’s left thumb is linked with EJ’s right thumb, arms pulled taut enough to see both their tattoos on the inside of their wrists. Instagram blows up with their friends’ comments. Gina gets a text from Carlos saying “sorry girl, gotta do what i gotta do” right before he comments NOW THAT’S MY FAVORITE COUPLE!!! She rereads all of them before she goes to sleep that night.

All things considered, there’s a surprisingly small amount of comments about the tattoos at Ash’s New Year’s Eve party.

Carlos does come in, hug Gina, and say under his breath, “Just date him already, you’re both branded now,” but that’s Carlos. He’d say it anyway, and at least this time he’s acknowledging that they’re not dating. He did worse under her Instagram post.

Kourt does ask to see it in person, both of them, and nods before saying, “That’s what I’m talking about,” but again, it’s pretty tame. Gina thinks they all might’ve resigned to the waiting game she’s found herself in.

For the majority of the night she and EJ are inseparable. That’s not exactly new, but she’s more aware of the dating-but-not-dating subtext than she was at Carlos’s party. They sit next to each other on the couch, Gina perched on the arm of his chair, on the floor around the coffee table. They’ve gotten up enough times to help with food distribution and shenanigans—EJ has to help Ricky and Howie shove Howie’s car out of the snow once, although Gina doesn’t see the appeal when the snow’s still coming down and they’ll just have to do it again—that each time they take a seat they’re a little bit closer to each other. Gina’s thought about snuggling into him more than once because of this.

“What’re you thinking about?” EJ asks during one of those moments, ducking his head so that his unstyled hair brushes against her forehead. 

Gina’s slumped against the back of Natalie’s chair, so she knows they’re not alone, but that doesn’t really stop the desire to grab his face and pull him the rest of the way down to her lips. Gina blinks through the fantasy and says, “Thinking about taking a nap.”

He smiles at that. “Doesn’t count if you fall asleep before midnight.”

“You wouldn't withhold partying rights from me.” She says it like a threat, but her lips tug into a smile.

“Oh, yes I would.” Gina’s about to protest when he adds, “We can go to sleep after midnight, I promise,” and she somehow manages to nod in response. Does he mean together? Is he coming up to her room?

Not that she has a problem with that. She so doesn’t have a problem with that. But their friends might have some questions.

That was at ten thirty. She’s still thinking about it by eleven, and then eleven thirty, and then eleven forty-five. Her mind is, as usual, so full of EJ and how he might feel and how she wants him to feel that when Big Red calls attention to the five-minute mark before the countdown, she’s actually shocked. She sits up properly and shifts until her back cracks, loosening the knots that formed while she was crumpled against the chair. Some of the couples are starting to stand in preparation, Ash and Big Red being one of them. Kourtney just kind of folds into Howie on the couch. Carlos and Seb twirl each other around. Gina distinctly sees Nini and Ricky make eye contact for a long moment.

Oh, and then there’s Miss Jenn and Mr. Mazzara in a corner, the oldest by default but not the only adults here anymore. Miss Jenn is bouncing on the balls of her feet and excitedly clutching at her boyfriend’s arm. Gina can’t help but nudge EJ and gesture to them; they share a smile.

“AND THAT’S TWENTY SECONDS, EVERYONE,” Natalie hollers from right behind Gina, startling her enough that she scoots into EJ’s side. It’s not even an excuse, although she’ll take what she can get; Natalie actually scared her.

It’s EJ’s turn to nudge her, a smirk on his lips. “I thought it was New Year’s, not Halloween.”

“Says the resident scaredy cat,” she retorts immediately, eyes fixating on the TV like the rest of them.

He leans forward to rest his arms on the coffee table, tilting his head in her direction. “I think I’m rubbing off on you, actually.”

She mirrors his pose, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. Somehow this feels like a moment to look elsewhere. “I’ll make sure to watch out for that in the new year.”

“Aaaaand ten!” Ricky starts counting, leading everyone in the chant. “Nine! Eight! Seven!”

It’s six, five when Gina turns to look at EJ, four when she sees his cheeky expression and raised eyebrows, three when she processes what it means, two when she fights against her heart beating out of her chest to acquiesce, and one as she leans in.

The ball drops as their lips touch for the second time. It just doesn’t feel like the second time. The Fourth of July feels like a lifetime ago, her patriotic lipstick smudged across his face a distant, stupid memory in comparison to right now. There was nothing running through her mind back then, nothing but sudden fear when they pulled back and cautious calm as EJ returned to his regular, joking self. She didn’t view EJ in any way that she does now, no way that complicated the rest of their interactions.

And this won’t complicate anything, either, aside from solidifying how right he is for her. 

Their wrist tattoos are touching, she realizes distantly, her hand having moved to cover his when she leaned around the coffee table to kiss him. It’s chaste, no head movement or tongue or anything other than EJ’s mouth on hers, and in that sense it’s exactly like before. Not like before, however, is the dizzying sensation that hits Gina immediately and sticks with her throughout. Right now, everything is running through her mind, mainly thoughts about how he has to be feeling the same way, he just has to, there’s no way such a simple kiss could have such a mindblowing effect on only her.

It doesn’t feel like the second time they’ve kissed, or the first, or the third. It feels like the hundredth. The thousandth. It feels like she’s been kissing EJ Caswell for such a long time that it’s become a staple of life, like nudging hands with him in public and leaning into his shoulder on the couch during movie nights and calling him babe and FaceTiming and texting him all the time when they’re apart and wanting him home so she can fall asleep next to him, with his arms around her, with their hearts beating in sync, and she loves him. She’s in love with him.

When it’s over, she offers a reciprocal smile and turns back to the rest of their friends like her entire world hasn’t just clicked into place. It’s easy to maintain a sense of normalcy for her own situation when, two seconds later, Miss Jenn announces she and Mr. Mazzara are engaged just as he starts to disperse the wedding invitations.

Carlos is screeching about only finding out right now, half of the Wildcats are rushing to hug Miss Jenn, and EJ swiftly weaves through it all to offer a nice handshake to Mazzara. Gina bets he wants to hug him, but she’s living proof that sometimes you have to hold back from what you really want in the moment.

Miss Jenn and Mr. Mazzara answer the customary questions about the wedding (although most are written on the invite and Mazzara is quick to point this out), but Gina has no problem multitasking with her thoughts about EJ. She might be eighteen and he’s twenty and they’re just friends, but she’s still in love with him, they still just kissed again, and they still have that marriage joke. So she smiles widely at Miss Jenn and asks a ton of exciting questions, all while thinking about dancing with EJ at the wedding. Or at a wedding.