Chapter Text
"This is the last time I go into one of Jane's wonky portals," Darcy was freezing, she's wet, and she's in some sort of freaky ass forest and it smelled funny and she was hearing noises and voices.
"What's this?" A voice from behind her startled her and she backed away from the scruffy short man... "Who goes there?"
"Who even says that? You sound like some old medieval weirdo," aaand suddenly he had a sword.
"Uncle!" came a shout from a blonde man who came running from behind. "She's just a girl, calm down. Miss, who are ye?"
"Darcy Lewis, and you?"
"Fili, this is my Uncle and King, Thorin," she nodded.
"You do not bow?" Thorin was grumpy.
"Where I come from, there isn't a king, there's a president and the people vote for him because he's not an asshole. I can already tell that I wouldn't vote for you," he drew the sword again when another one came running up from behind. He barely spared her a glance before reprimanding his uncle, then he looked back at her.
"You are as stunning as the stars the shine upon Erebor, my lady, what is your name?" Darcy choked. She actually choked. Like full on red-faced, hacking, spitting, painful choking. "Have I offended you?" He was concerned. She could tell.
"No, no, no, give me a minute to try not to die of asphyxiation, kay?" She stood up after a moment and looked him up and down. Cute, he was pretty tall compared to the others, but she could deal with a short guy. "I'm Darcy."
"I am Kili, what brings you to these woods?"
"Um... I kinda just appeared out of thin air... Didn't expect to be here."
"Then fate has thrown you here to my side, for we are soulmates!" He looked positively jovial.
"Yeah, we are, aren't we," Darcy tuned out for about five minutes as the three guys -dwarves?- argued between themselves.
"Come with us."
"What?" Darcy snapped back to the present.
"Join us." She eyed them and shrugged. She had nowhere else to be.
SPOILER AHEAD FOR THE HOBBIT: BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES
Darcy was sucked back through a portal at the end of the battle. Jane was surprised to see Darcy in full leather and silver battle armor, Thor was delighted.
She made her way to Tony's personal bar and he poured her a glass of something dark and potent.
"What's up Lewis?"
"Met my soulmate."
"Lookin blue because Foster sucked you back?" She shook her head. "Why then?" She looked up, despite common beliefs, Tony was a caring guy. She wasn't completely surprised, but she was glad to have someone care.
"I spent months with him and his travelling companions. Alternate universe and all that. Got trapped in an elf dungeon, sailed down a river in a barrel, fought a dragon and then there was the Battle," she sighed and downed her drink, to which Tony poured her another.
"The Battle?"
"Yeah. Dwarves, elves, men, orcs and eagles. Bullshit if you ask me. Thought everything was over after the dragon died but there was much more to come. Then... He was killed..." she sighed and unbuckled her damned armor, leaving her in the ill-fitting leathers and fabrics the dwarves gave to her. Tony took the fantasy weird stuff pretty well and poured her more.
She sighed. At least she spent some time with him. That was enough for her.