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An evening like any other. The blaring street lights endlessly fighting the stars in a contest of who shines the brightest. A dog’s bark rupturing the sweet monotonous sound of the night’s hustle-and-bustle, a window reflecting the drama that was occuring on a TV screen. Two blond young men next to each other, sitting on a couch, both wearing matching T-shirts, but different pants, bawling at the poignant resolution of the latest netflix drama that caught their fancy.
“This was so good right ?”
“Yes, last time I cried this much was when I watched Violet Evergarden’s movie !”
“ Yes, yes that’s it ! It was really just beautiful, I cried too !”
“ Of course you did, idiot, you’re me and I was there !”
And they both laughed at these words.
Their relationship hadn’t always been this peaceful. Temma could never forget how it all started.
Temma had just ended his New Year’s reveal stream. He was reviewing the reactions in the comment section, and checking his Twitter account. It was just the usual, but with more excitation and anticipation. And of course, the unusual decided to strike him full force.
A loud thump occured behind him. Something very heavy had fallen in his room, but what could it have been ? He didn’t have anything heavy on his shelves. As he turned back, he saw a body sprawled across the floor, covered with a black robe. His head was partially hidden by a dark hood, but he had the same blond hair as Temma did.
“What the hell is happening?” Temma thought to himself, completely distraught and incredulous by the scene that was unfolding before him. “Okay, deep breaths, stay calm, me, it’s going to be alright, for now let’s check if this person is okay, we’ll ask questions later”
Temma slowly and carefully approached the black mass, like you’d approach a wild beast, and even got startled a few times whenever it moved a little, but after much effort, he finally reached out to the body
“Are you okay ?” His voice wanted to be reassuring but he couldn’t hide how scared he was by this whole ordeal.
“ Urgh my head, where am I” The stranger said with the exact same voice as his, as he was doing his best to stand on his feet.
As their gazes respectively met, they had the exact same dumbfounded look on their faces, and both said in unison
“What the hell ???”
This was the only intelligible part of their exchange, as the rest was just a chaotic mess of retorts that didn’t make any sense, adding more fuel to the confusion of an already ridiculous situation. The only effect it had was to cause a loud banging on the room’s door.
The unmistakable quality of the sound that was telling them they were going to be chewed alive by their parents
“Oi, Temma, stop your shit at once and open the damn door”
The chaotic argument instantly was brought to a halt, both of them looked at the door, flabbergasted and scared shitless. The white one said to the dark one
“Ok I’m hiding under the bed, I leave the explaining to you!”
“ Hell no, it’s YOUR room, I’m the one hiding !”
“ What do you mean YOUR room ? You’re obviously me !”
But as he was saying that, the dark one was already desperately plunging under the bed. With the looks of someone that had just been sentenced to death, Temma timidly opened his door for his parents to get in.
“What’s up with all the ruckus, and why the hell did we even hear your voice twice ??”
“ Oh….that, I was just...huh….recording Twitter voicelines !!! Yes, that, recording !”
His father put his right hand on his forehead and sighed with a dejected look on his face, then resumed as if nothing happened
“Why do you even try to lie when we both know you suck so much at it ? Spill the beans !”
Temma knew from the start there was no escaping it. so he decided to be honest here. He made a beckoning side at the bed. the other Temma emerged from under it. As the scene was unfolding, his parents made a look that Temma expected to be marked with surprise, but it was instead the dejected and hopeless look of parents having to deal with yet another one of their son’s antics.
“Temma, your attitude, your loudness we can put behind, but a body double ? What are you even thinking ? How did this even happen in the first place ?
“ I don’t know myself ! He literally just popped in my room 10 minutes ago !!!
This time, they knew he was being honest. They had to take it in, and devise a course of action as soon as possible for him, as they were very dubious as to their son’s abilities to do that without encountering technical difficulties. This time, it was his mother who spoke up.
“Ok, Temma n°1, you go to your daily life as if nothing happened; Temma n°2 for the time being you stay at home. I’m going to do some research and figure what is happening, or why it is happening, I’ll get back to you in a few days”
The white one couldn’t help but retort in an outraged way
“ Temma n°1 ??? Mom, I’m your son !”
“Don’t talk back to me and take it, or I just kick both of your butts out and only let you come back after YOU solve the situation by yourselves !”
Temma didn’t push the matter further, as he fully knew : his father could be scary, but his mother was the true menace of the two.
“Alright, mom, we’ll do as we’re told, but what about my friends, can’t I just tell them ?
Her mom looked at him with a flabbergasted look on her face. She was indeed truly amazed at her son’s carelessness and idiocy, and would never cease to be.
“Do you even understand the whole point of my plan is for your friends NOT to figure it out ? As for the Holostars...I would say the same but I know you never keep anything secret when it comes to them, so I’ll let you decide, but for the love of God, please don’t fuck this up, the situation is dire enough already !”
Without a word they both left the room, and her mother abruptly slammed the door shut. Both Temmas sighed with relief as the storm passed.
_
And thus the plan of action was followed to the letter, Temma resumed his everyday life as if nothing happened, but he told the Holostars about it. He knew it was very risky, but this was too insane of an event to take the brunt of it alone. His parents couldn’t really understand, with their iron will and calmness, how truly stressful this whole ordeal was to him. Coming home to be greeted by yourself would feel weird and take a toll on anybody after all.
Surprisingly though, despite his dark Knight attire, the other Temma was actually nice and amicable. In fact he was softer than him in most aspects, the only really striking thing about him was how wild and honest he tended to be. He was somehow very jealous of him, due to the fact that as he was living his everyday life, the Holostars had decided to randomly pay visits to his other self because they felt sorry for the poor thing being cooped up alone in a small room all day long.
He had originally expected him to be especially wary of the “right” distance to put between himself and the other Holostars like he had been this whole time, but this other Temma was hitting it up with them without a care in the world. Exposing his Human Breeder fantasies to Astel, passionately talking about Emily to Miyabi, crafting a plan for a giant bug riding simulator with Roberu, playfully pulling flirty acts with Shien were just a few notable examples of all the wild things he was doing with them.
It only took a few days for all of them to warm up to his other self more than they warmed up to him in almost a year. And this felt excruciating, especially as he was working his butt off making all of this work.
It took a few weeks for him to reach his boiling point. After one particularly stressful day, he came home being loud on purpose, as he really wanted to convey how positively pissed he was at that particular moment. As he entered his room, the other Temma was busy playing around with a binaural mic, probably planning for his next stream to be an ASMR one, as they had decided after a while to let him handle that part. The dark version of him turned around and greeted him with a cute and affectionate smile.
“Welcome home, Temma !”
This looked like a perfect opportunities to get much needed release.
“ Don’t ‘Welcome home’ me, this is MY home, you damn freeloader”
The other Temma may had been nicer, but he wasn’t the type to let anyone trample on him without fighting back
“ Look who’s talking, Do I seriously need to remind you we’re still living with our parents, you idiot ?”
“ I really hate you, I can’ wait for you to disappear from my life, you’ve done nothing but causing me headaches !”
The other Temma looked visibly hurt at this comment, but his own anger welled up and quickly came to the surface as well.
“ I’ve been doing nothing short of my best here ! My best to not intrude in your life, which is also mine by the way, my best to not disturb anyone, my best to show how interesting you can be to your friends and your viewers, my best to put some professionalism in the shitshow that is your streaming habits, and THIS is how you thank me ?”
Temma was visibly taken aback by the sudden backlash, but more than that, he felt truly hurt at how his other self was putting the truth on display without a smidge of restraint. The other Temma decided to deliver the final blow to make him stop his little scene for good
“Maybe you’re jealous of what I achieved in such a period of time ? Maybe you’re jealous of how popular I am ?”
That last comment was too much to take, Temma jumped at his other self, ready to punch him. Far from being scared, his alter ego was smiling through the whole ordeal
“ Why are you even getting jealous here, idiot ? Must I remind you who I actually am ?”
The simplest of truth hit Temma at these words. He was not jealous of his other self per say, he was just consumed with anguish at the fact he was the one who should have taken all these steps, but never did. His other self merely did everything that he himself wanted, as a way to facilitate the process, a subtle invitation to the bright world he wanted to live in. And all he did was slap away the hand that was gently reaching to him.
“...Ok, fine I’m sorry…”
The other Temma smiled at the complete 180, fully knowing himself that it was just how he worked
“ It’s all good.”
_
And thus weeks turned into months. Temma’s mother was completely stumped with the absurdity of the situation and hadn’t made any progress, but in a sense, she also gave up and accepted it, as she was seeing her son grow more mature and look happier interacting with Temma n°2. At first she was very cold to the alter ego, but she quickly realized he was also her son, through and through, and she came to accept him as her other son. In fact, not only her, but everyone that knew the story looked at them as you would look at twin brothers.
Temma even successfully managed to introduce him to his other friends playing the dorky idiot and telling them he never had mentioned his twin brother, then branching into a dramatic story of separation and reunion. They most definitely didn’t buy it, but acted like they did because it was the simplest way to go about it, and Temma and his “brother” were a blast to hang with, so it didn’t matter, really.
But to Temma’s dismay, this marked the start of another problem. Which was his heart beating out of his chest on this very night, as they were resonating with each other about Violet Evergarden’s story. He had done his best to pretend nothing was amiss, but the feeling he felt for his other self definitely was not brotherly love. The feeling had insidiously been growing more and more vivid as both of them lived their own lives, both the same but different.
The other Temma, influenced by his surroundings and how he lived his “own” life, progressively started to become a “different” person. As the dissonances multiplied more and more, Temma became more and more enthralled by his other self, taking mental notes of every single one of the things that became unique to him. His first new friend who wasn’t one of their common friends, the slightly different interactions he had with the other Holostars. The slight difference of attitude when they were scolded together by their parents.
Everybody was calling him Tenka now to make it easier for him to socially blend in and to make Temma’s story more believable. A beautiful name bestowed by their mother, sharing the “heaven” sign and then expressing the ephemeral variation by using the sign for “substitution”. He could really write a haiku about his other self to express how beautiful he was, but he knew it would only cause him to dig deeper into the grave of the emotions he had to stifle at the bud.
But he couldn’t help seeing him not as his other self anymore, but as Tenka, the same but different. This had tons of problematic implications. Falling in love with yourself is the main one of course, but then if he had to profess his love, even if it were reciprocated, the people he knew would effectively see it as him dating his brother at best, and him dating himself at worst. The situation felt as ridiculous as one of the bad endings of the eroge his friend lent to him.
But these feelings, far from disappearing, were only growing stronger and stronger as time was passing. Tenka was looking more and more beautiful even though they literally shared the same body and facial features. His radiating happiness was just soothing and wrenching his heart at the same time. Soon enough, the originally budding feelings became overgrown and took a hold of his entire self, like vines climbing a wall and infiltrating through its cracks until they became fully one with it.
_
One night, as he was fully lost in his own thoughts, sleepless, his phone suddenly rang. “Who could this be at such a damn hour” ? Temma wondered, then looked at the name on display. “...Astel, of course”. He took a few seconds to decide whether or not he should answer the call
“Yo Temma, I love you !”
“ Astel, Why are you calling me at such an ungodly hour ?”
“ I just felt like it, Love !”
“...I’m hanging up”
“ Wait, wait, wait , wait ! I actually have something important to talk about”
“Which is …?”
“ How are you doing lately ?”
“I’m fine thank you, let me sleep now”
“ Implying you were getting any sleep to begin with, right ?”
Temma hated Astel during these times. The way he was taunting and causing scenes all over, flirting and trolling would have been fine on its own, but he also had these moments where he was incredibly clever and shrewd. He never failed to pull the truth out of Temma’s lips, and judging how things were going, he wouldn’t be able to hide anything for long
“...Not so great”
“What’s the matter ? Feel free to tell me everything, I have time !”
He then explained how he felt about Tenka, and tried to put his conflicting thoughts into words. after a few minutes, Astel finally got a chance to talk
“Eeh…”, Astel uttered, sounding radically unsurprised at this development. “ I don’t really see the problem, though ?”
“ Excuse me but I only see problems here”
“ The only problem I see now is you. Aren’t you hiding behind everyone to avoid confronting your feelings ? Don’t act as if love is just a nice path without obstacles. You’re going to stumble, you’re going to struggle, you’re going to be hurt. The only question you should be asking yourself is ‘Do I kill these feelings or do I fight head on for a happy ending ?’ The rest is nothing but excuses.”
Man Astel always managed to comfort him in the weirdest of ways. Even when he was scolding him, he always managed to hit the exact buttons to put him into motion.
“...Astel ?”
“ What ?”
“...Thank you, I’ll fight to the bitter end”
“ You better just do that, if you’re going to cheat on me with that Tenka idiot, you better go REAL steady together, or I won’t forgive you”
The joke got a good laugh out of Temma, but he also felt a hint of loneliness in his tone
“...I will.”
“ Now That’s a lot more like the Temma I know, go get him !”
He could feel Astel’s wink of support through the phone as he hung up, and warmly wished for Astel to find his other half someday before finally falling asleep.
_
Pretty words, for sure, but now that Tenka was in his room in front of him, in roughly the same spots as they were when they first met, he felt all of his courage leaving his body. Brave Temma was cheering him on and infusing him with a fighting spirit, while Downer Temma was just telling him it was all a fruitless endeavour, and it was not too late to give up. He decided to shake all of his useless thoughts away, as there were too many Temmas already.
Looking more closely, Tenka was also all fidgety and looked completely flustered. He was probably looking the exact same.
“Hey…”
As they both opened their mouths at the exact same moments. Then an awkward silence fell onto the room for a while. Tenka was the first to resume talking.
“ Temma, I’m sorry but… I owe you the truth. I know you’re looking at me like your brother, but I’ve been huh…”
The words got stuck and he seemed to be trying his best getting them unstuck and was looking incredibly lame doing so. Not that Temma was judging him because his cheeks were burning and he was sweating profusely, so he probably didn’t look any better
“...Truth is I haven’t been looking at you like that for while, I want us to be something more...Ah, damn why is this so fucking hard !”
Temma wasn’t so dense as to not get the message. He quickly closed the distance between them and embraced Tenka. As he started bawling out, Tenka did the exact same. The words never came out but the feelings came across as they both fell on their knees, hugging together, crying as loudly as newly born infants.
“Can I say it… ?”
“ I want to say it too”
Both took a deep breath then in unison
“I love you, Temma/Tenka”
As they uttered these words, Tenka suddenly looked frightened to death. Fear was literally imprinted on his face like a mask he was unable to take off. Temma didn’t exactly get why at first, but he realized soon enough :Tenka was fading away.
All the time spent together flashed by his eyes in a brief instant. He had forgotten all this time that this all was but a temporary arrangement, a fleeting meeting. Tenka was probably merely going back from where he came. But neither of them could bring themselves to accept it. they desperately tried to grab each other but it was all for naught, as Tenka eventually disappeared without a trace.
Temma couldn’t remember the months that followed. They were all lost in the haze of his everyday life. He was spurring himself to move on, trying to pretend he was taking the blow alright, but he also knew he was doing a poor job at it and that everyone was worried. He vaguely knew how everyone had to cover for Tenka’s disappearance, but he couldn’t care less about that. He was already doing his utmost making the gears of his life turn, and it was hard enough in itself. He decided to go outside to get much needed fresh air
He was strolling - or more accurately, wandering- around, trying to not get too absorbed in his thoughts, when he bumped into someone. It was a young man with dark hair and green eyes around his age. a DVD of the Violet Evergarden movie fell from his plastic bag as they fell on his butt
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking around properly”, Temma said as he helped him get up and picked up the DVD. After looking at the title,
“ This is a good film… I rewatched it several times, I hope you’ll like it”
“ The truth is I already watched it once with my lover… but I really wish I could watch it with him again”
The stranger got closer in a gait that was eerily similar to his, but also somewhat different, looking at him with an all-too-familiar gaze. He grabbed his hand,
“Won’t you watch it together with me again, Temma ?”