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“My name is Iwaizumi Hajime, and my timer stopped.” Iwaizumi spoke with pain lacing his words. His voice was hoarse and strained. Speaking had never been so difficult. Crying for weeks on end hadn’t done him any good.
“Thank you Iwaizumi, anything else you’d like to share?” The woman in the middle of the circle asked calmly. Around her sat just under a dozen other people with frozen clocks on their wrists. But not hers, it was gone, she had already found her soulmate. Iwaizumi couldn’t help but scowl.
How come she was allowed to be with her one true partner? Why am I any different?
“I- Um… My timer stopped just about a month ago. This is my third? No, fourth meeting. It hasn’t been easy, you know, but I’m alright.” Iwaizumi brought a strangled smile to his lips, so obviously falsified.
Fucking liar. He thought to himself. He was unsure why he felt the need to lie straight through his teeth.
“That’s nice to hear, thank you, Iwaizumi.” The woman wore an empty smile as she began to clap softly, which cued a slow and unenthusiastic clap from the others. Iwaizumi smiled until the next person was called upon. It was the same thing. My name is blah blah blah and my timer stopped. The support group was anything but helpful. It was condescending. The group leader was always someone with a timer still ticking, or a timer that is gone altogether. Everyone there was lying, no one was as okay as they pretended to be; Their soulmate died before they could ever meet. Every person in that room was guilty of it, Iwaizumi included.
The next half hour of the meeting was draining, and had a catastrophically slow end. No one wanted to be there, least of all Iwaizumi. So, the second the meeting pulled to a close, he practically leapt from his seat and walked at an abnormally quick pace to the door.
“Iwaizumi, wait!” The group leader called out from several meters behind him. Iwaizumi stopped in his tracks and his face contorted as he tried to construct a lie. He turned awkwardly and spoke in an unsure voice.
“Ah, I have to get to work, can it wait till Thursday’s meeting?”
“Oh, Yes of course. I’ll speak to you then.” She said politely.
“Great!” He smiled before turning on his heel and continuing his trek towards the door. Once the cold breeze struck his face, he breathed a sigh of relief. He didn’t have work, but the last thing he wanted to do was talk about it. All he did was talk talk talk. It was utterly exhausting. It was no later than noon on a cold December Tuesday, and he was already done with talking for the week.
Iwaizumi was pulled from his thoughts by a sudden impact on his shoulder. He opened his eyes and quickly swiveled towards the perpetrator.
“Hey! Watch where y-”
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to. I-I was looking down and my eyes are so blurry because I’ve been crying so much and I couldn’t see and-” The taller boy was no older than Iwaizumi himself. His hair was a beautiful shade of brown, but disheveled as if it hadn’t been brushed in days. His eyes glowed like copper submerged in honey, partially because of the tears within them. Despite his current look of disarray he was, without a doubt, handsome.
“Woah, woah. Are you okay?” Iwaizumi’s eyes grew wide and he grabbed the man by the shoulder, and led him towards a bench that sat just outside the building.
“Of course I’m okay!” He smiled, tears cascading down his face.
“I’m not an idiot you know,”
“Well, I don’t know that! I’m… I’m sorry that was mean. I’m just so overwhelmed.” He sniffled as he leaned back on the bench. He opened his eyes to face the dull clouds that covered every inch of the sky. Tears continued to fall from the corners of his eyes, which further exaggerated his rosy cheeks.
“I’ll let it slide. I’m Iwaizumi, I’m 24.” Iwaizumi cracked the first genuine smile of the day and held out his hand to the other boy. The other boy pulled his eyes back to Iwaizumi and gaped for a moment before responding.
“I uh, I’m Oikawa. I’m 24 too.” After he uttered the last word, he gripped Iwaizumi’s hand, and subsequently shook it.
“We’re friends now, so, friend-to-friend, what’s bothering you?” Iwaizumi’s tone was gentle, far different from the first words he had ever spoken to Oikawa. He let go of Oikawa’s hand and began to softly rub his upper back in hopes of providing some comfort. Iwaizumi saw bits of himself within this boy, something about him was so utterly familiar.
“It’s humiliating.” Oikawa croaked.
“Doubt it.” Oikawa pinched his eyes shut, resulting in another waterfall of tears. Slowly, he reached for the sleeve of his coat. His hand hovered over the edge of the sleeve and his fingers shook greatly. It took him more than thirty seconds to lift the sleeve, and Iwaizumi immediately understood why.
0 years 0 months 1 day 13 hours 48 minutes 25 seconds
Oikawa’s timer was frozen as well.
“It’s so humiliating, who’s timer just fucking stops? Who loses their soulmate a day before they are supposed to meet them?”
“Oikawa,” Iwaizumi’s voice was just loud enough to get Oikawa attention as he pulled his own sleeve up.
0 years 6 months 19 days 15 hours 2 minutes 39 seconds
“I lost my soulmate too, not a day before, but I know how you’re feeling.” Oikawa glanced up from Iwaizumi’s wrist to meet his eyes. His expression was somber.
“When… When did yours stop?” Oikawa questioned genuinely after a few seconds of consideration.
“Almost a month ago,” Iwaizumi replied flatly, it did no good to wallow. “What about yours?”
“A little over two weeks ago, this was supposed to be my first day of support group.” Iwaizumi stood still for a moment, deep in thought, contemplating whether or not what he was about to say would be a good idea.
“Oikawa?”
“Y-Yeah?”
“Come with me.” Iwaizumi stood and held his hand out to Oikawa. The hand served as an invitation, an agreement to trust one another. Within mere seconds, Oikawa reached out with his own hand.
“So, what do you do for a living?” Oikawa chirped as he brought the cup of hot chocolate to his lips. Oikawa’s demeanor completely shifted after some time with Iwaizumi, it served as a distraction, as comfort, for the both of them. Iwaizumi watched Oikawa with unfaltering eyes, determined to figure him out. He watched closely, seeing the snow fall from the window just behind the taller boy.
“I’m a physical therapist, what about you?”
“I’m a journalist,”
“A journalist?” Iwaizumi laughed, half taunting the taller boy.
“Yes, a journalist. A damn good one too,” He smirked, bringing the mug back to his mouth.
“I believe you, I believe you.” Iwaizumi chuckled, but the laughter soon came to a somber halt.
“What do you think our soulmates' jobs were?” Oikawa absentmindedly swirled his drink as he spoke.
“I don’t think I’d ever want to know; No reason to think about it and bring up more sad thoughts of what could’ve been. That’s gone, and somehow us unlucky bastards have to figure out how to live with that.” For the first time since his timer stopped, Iwaizumi was honest. His voice didn’t shake, and his gut wasn’t telling him to stop.
“That’s true. Unlucky bastards we are.” Iwaizumi only grunted in response.
“You know, you’re the only other person I’ve met with a stopped timer. It’s nice to not feel so alone.” Oikawa smiled as he held his mug. Iwaizumi couldn’t help but admire Oikawa, it was rare for Iwaizumi to give someone his time of day like this, especially when he wished so greatly to be alone. His gut told him that this is what needed to be done, and this is who he needed; He needed Oikawa, and Oikawa needed him, to not feel so alone, and so far, it was working.
“Yeah, yeah… It is nice.” He gazed back upon Oikawa with a smile on his lips, and wonder in his eyes.
***
“Thanks for meeting with me again,” Oikawa said sheepishly, eyes focused on the ground below him.
“Of course, we gotta stick together.” Iwaizumi half-smiled, too tired to fully grin. Both him and Oikawa wore sweats at the early hour of 3 am. Around 2:15, Oikawa called Iwaizumi in tears, begging for his company, desperate to feel less alone. The pair now stood at the town center, street lights illuminating the way.
It had been three and a half months since Iwaizumi’s timer stopped, and three months for Oikawa. The only constant since their lives had been turned upside down, was one another.
“What should we do this time? The park, that 24-hour cafe, road trip?” Oikawa smiled at Iwaizumi’s genuine words and brought his gaze back to the boy standing ahead of him.
“Can… Can we just walk?”
“Yeah, yeah of course.” Iwaizumi clapped Oikawa on the back as he walked past, eliciting a grunt from Oikawa.
“Gee, thanks,” He scowled, following in Iwaizumi’s footsteps.
“Anytime, shittykawa.” Iwaizumi’s voice tilted upwards into a mocking tone.
“Shittykawa?”
“Mhm,”
“Thanks, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa grinned, shoving Iwaizumi’s arm.
“Iwa-chan?” He asked rhetorically.
“Yeah, I decided that’s what I’m going to call you now. Iwaizumi is a mouthful.”
“I get that, except it isn’t a mouthful.” Iwaizumi responded sarcastically.
“I guess so, but maybe I just want to call you that. You are my friend after all.” Oikawa looked straight ahead, but Iwaizumi’s eyes were fixed on the boy beside him. He felt his cheeks flush and his stomach turn. An unfamiliar, but welcome feeling. He couldn't help but notice how much Oikawa had changed since their first encounter. A few months ago, he was a mess, consumed by grief. His eyes were buried within deep dark circles, and his skin was pale. His hair was a glorious disaster and even his posture was slouched. Now, he stood before Iwaizumi, appearing whole. While still messy from sleep, his hair was nice, and his skin had a new glow to it. He stood proudly, chest to the stars. Iwaizumi couldn't help but notice that he was suddenly whole as well.
***
“Are you okay?” Oikawa sat on the couch beside Iwaizumi, gripping his hand. Iwaizumi sat still, staring ahead, with nothing in his line of sight. Today was supposed to be the day he met his soulmate.
“I’m not, but I will be.” Iwaizumi’s voice shook for the first time in months. “Thank you for being with me today, just… thank you.”
“Of course, Iwa-chan. I’d never leave you alone at a time like this.” His words were genuine.
And there it is again. Iwaizumi thought to himself. The butterflies, the warmth, the comfort, that strange feeling.
“I’m so glad I have you, Tooru. I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t here, beside me, these last five months.”
“I don’t know what I’d do either.” Oikawa smiled, tears brimming his eyelids. “Thank you for helping me that first day.” Iwaizumi’s lips curved upwards as Oikawa spoke.
“I wouldn’t change a thing, soulmate and all.” Iwaizumi’s voice was nothing but a low grumble, a faint whisper.
“What?”
“If I met my soulmate, I never would have met you.”
“Well yeah, but that’s your one person, the one person who would have truly understood you, loved you.” Oikawa stood from his spot next to Iwaizumi and stared at the boy who was still sitting on the couch. His tone was one of confusion. Iwaizumi chuckled softly, a smile still tracing his lips.
“You make me feel truly understood, isn’t that all that matters? I’m okay with it, I’ve accepted it I think. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt… It just means that I’ve found other things, other people, that give my existence meaning.”
Oikawa’s tense body language dropped and his expression changed from confusion to wonder.
“Oh, oh.” Oikawa’s voice was soft, reassuring even.
“Yeah,”
Oikawa cleared his throat, and began to speak,
“I um, I haven’t thought of my soulmate in weeks. It’s like… It’s like when you’re around, what could’ve been, doesn’t really matter anymore. It doesn’t mean that I don’t wonder, but I know it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.” It was only then that Iwaizumi pulled his gaze from the wall ahead of him, to the boy in front of him. Oikawa had knelt down in front of him, now shorter than him by just a few inches. “I feel… I feel okay when I’m with you, and I haven’t felt okay for a second without you.”
“What… What are you saying?” Iwaizumi choked out through his oncoming tears.
“I think I’m saying that I’m okay with not meeting my soulmate, that I’m happy to be with you. To simply exist alongside you.”
“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
“I am,” Oikawa breathed, his words hardly a whisper. For a moment, Iwaizumi analyzed the boy in front of him, he was so open, so vulnerable, so honest. Iwaizumi felt his lip quiver, and with that he lurched from his seat, and wrapped his arms around Oikawa. Almost instantaneously, Oikawa’s arms were wrapped around him as well.
“Just because we lost our soulmates, it doesn’t mean that we aren’t allowed to be happy.” Oikawa said against Iwaizumi’s shoulder. Iwaizumi simply nodded in response, head glued to Oikawa’s chest. Oikawa moved his hands from Iwaizumi’s back and placed them delicately on the smaller boy’s cheeks, making Iwaizumi’s eyes lock with his own. Their eyes held the same emotions. Fear, understanding, and kindness. Iwaizumi felt his mouth go dry, and his chest clench.
“Will you kiss me?” He uttered, gaze still focused on Oikawa’s brown eyes. Oikawa simply nodded with a tear rolling down his cheek before pressing his lips to Iwaizumi’s.
***
“Hajime?” Oikawa spoke as Iwaizumi lazily ran his hand through Oikawa’s hair. He laid upon Iwaizumi’s bare chest, darkness surrounding them. Safety, security, and comfort consoling them.
“Mhm?”
“Do you think soulmates can be made?”
Iwaizumi huffed and slowed his hand before wrapping it around Oikawa.
“If I was asked that for the year after my timer stopped, I would’ve said no.”
“What would you say now?” He whispered, just loud enough for only Iwaizumi to hear.
“Well, I would say that I met this boy, and we bonded through grief. We never left each other’s side even though it had been years. I think I would say that there’s nothing in my life that feels truer than our bond. I would say that I’ve never felt something like this, something so… right. I would say that he’s my soulmate, even if it’s not what the universe intended... What would you say?” Iwaizumi’s voice was breathy and full of emotion. More honest words had never been spoken.
“I would say the same. I love you, Hajime. More than anything.” He said no louder than a whisper.
“I love you too, Tooru. Always.” Iwaizumi beamed, now looking at Oikawa in awe. He couldn’t believe that somehow, he had found happiness within the chaos. Happiness with Oikawa by his side.
With eyes locked, and skin touching skin, they closed the distance between them. Iwaizumi knew that all he wanted until the end of time was to feel Oikawa’s lips on his own, to always have him next to him, to always love, and be loved by him.
Around them, all at once, the room illuminated. They pulled apart in confusion, first looking at one another, then to the source of the mysterious light. Iwaizumi raised his arm, only to notice it was his own wrist that was glowing. The numbers upon it that once read, 0 years 6 months 19 days 15 hours 2 minutes 39 seconds, were now rapidly declining. His eyes grew wide, and glowed as he stared at the gold aura surrounding the clock. He turned quickly to see Oikawa in the exact same position, hand in the air, numbers dropping, and eyes filled with complete fascination.
“Tooru? Tooru, what’s happening?”
“I think… I think it’s telling us something?” Oikawa spoke, mesmerized by the gleam surrounding them.
“What? What is it telling us?” He questioned frantically, watching the numbers tick down, faster and faster. Though, by the time he finished asking, he had already gotten his answer. The numbers that resided on his wrist for so long, were now replaced with only zeros, that were already fading into his flesh. The radiance had now begun to simmer as the number faded. Iwaizumi looked back over to Oikawa, whose gaze was already fixed on Iwaizumi.
“What just happened?” Iwaizumi’s eyes were still wide, and his mouth was gaping. He was in complete and utter shock.
“I think our question was answered.”
“What?’
“We asked, we asked if soulmates could be made, then our timers went to zero. Our question has been answered.” Oikawa smiled, with tears spilling down his cheeks. Iwaizumi felt his own eyes brim with tears before he grabbed Oikawa’s cheeks and pulled him into a kiss.
“I love you, I love you so much.” Iwaizumi choked, gasping for air.
“I love you, it’s always been you, it’s always been you.” Oikawa mumbled frantically, lips still brushing against Iwaizumi’s own.
“It’s you,” Iwaizumi smiled with a strangled voice. He spoke like he had reconnected with an old friend, someone he always knew, someone he has always loved. As Iwaizumi spoke, he knew, without a doubt, that Oikawa felt the same.