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There was something cathartic about crying.
Not quiet tears that were quickly wiped away, but loud, uncontrollable sobbing. Hitting the walls, falling onto the ground and screaming until your lungs hurt and there was nothing left but dry sobs. It left you utterly exhausted afterwards but pleasantly numb.
Bucky had done it himself on occasion, out of anger, frustration, sadness and just about every emotion there was.
So when he heard the telltale gasp of someone holding in a sob, he didn’t hesitate to drop his bag by the sofa and knock on the bathroom door. He had been out all day, errands to run and groceries to do. Someone, without super serum in their body, wouldn’t have heard the sniffle from across the hall and behind a locked door. He had thought and leaned against the frame, “Honey?” Waiting a moment, he knocked again, his heart squeezing at the muffled ‘go away’. “Bad day?”
Bucky understood how a mood could drop suddenly.
He had been known to do the same but he never quite got why Y/N would feel so guilty for their 'Bad Days’. They told him that they had nothing to be sad about, that they 'just were’, and it was frustrating to not know why they were so broken.
Y/N wasn’t broken.
"It’s not your fault.” At his words, a mumbled, stuffy sounding denial came from the other side of the door and he gave a half-smile, “You wanna talk about it?” There wasn’t a reply this time but a stuttered sob that made him sigh in sympathy. “Come on…I don’t care if your nose is running or that your face is all swollen and snotty. You can go all out – Not like I could judge you if I even wanted to.”
Slowly the door opened and he looked at his lover with a gentle smile, “Don’t look at me…” Y/N grumbled, still scrubbing their eyes with their hands, “I’m hideous right now…” They walked into him and wrapped their arms around the man’s middle, nestling their head under his chin with a defiant sounding sniffle.
Bucky realised he hadn’t missed the main event and this was now the make or break stage of a meltdown.
“You’re not ugly.” His lips pressed on top of their head, “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, and no amount of snot or puffy eyes is gonna make me think different. So just… let it out.”
Y/N shook their head, eyes swimming in tears but their stubborn pout remained. He realised they were determined to hold it in and the man took a deep breath, apologising in his head, he did something he hated. The one thing that could break down the most robust walls and took only three words, “Are you okay?”
Their fist hit his chest and he didn’t react to the thump, “You bastard! Why…Why w-would you… Damn it, Bucky!” Their voice cracked, and he felt them shake against him, felt them take in a loud gasp and let out a miserable sound followed by tears and nails in his back as they held on tight.
Y/N felt Bucky grip the backs of their thighs and lift them; he carried Y/N to the sofa and sat down with them on his lap, never once breaking his embrace. He rearranged their legs so that they wouldn’t get a cramp and pulled their shoes off before rubbing his palms up and down Y/N’s back.
The wailing was loud despite being dampened by his body, their tears were wet on his throat but he was sure this wasn’t quite what they needed yet.
“Is that all you got?” He asked in a tone that seemed uninterested, “You just gonna have this little tantrum – doesn’t seem worth the trouble.”
Y/N pushed back from his chest and sent him a watery glare, “Well, excuse me for not being worth it! I’m sorry if I’m spoiling your day and you got better stuff today, but maybe I had a really shit week! Maybe I’m allowed to be a little bit fucking selfish and have a cry! I just… It’s…Why can’t I just… I’m trying so damn hard!” This time Y/N let out an angry little scream and hit his left shoulder in frustration, sobbing loudly into his chest to muffle the heart-wrenching sobs.
Bucky continued to rub their back and stroke their head, “That’s it, there we go.” He didn’t like that his lover was so upset but he understood that people just had to cry sometimes, “I know you got more than that…let it out.” The brunette squeezed a little tighter, huddling them against him as if sheltering them from everything else, “I’m gonna look after you.”
He kept hold, even as Y/N seemed to calm, their head turned, and they rested their cheek against his now damp chest, wobbly sounding whimpers escaping them as they tried to reign it in. Lips pressed to his shoulder where Y/N had hit him, and they apologised; the fingers of their right hand hooked into his shirt and Bucky was content to simply let them stay there. Possibly forever to wallow in her misery. The tears were drying on Y/N’s cheeks but their vision still blurred with tears. Bucky made them sit up and gently wiped their face with his right thumb, “Do I need to commit a felony?”
A bitter laugh escaped Y/N, their face scrunching up as another hiccup of sadness bubbled up, “Would you get away with it? You know, now that you’re a proper hero.”
His smug little smirk made them smile a little more, 'Honey, I might not be The Winter Soldier anymore, but I have always been an excellent sniper. I can have them regretting ruining your day and not even be in the country.“ Leaning forward, Bucky kissed their forehead and gave tapped their thigh, "Go wash your face, get in that ugly hoodie of yours, and I’ll make you a snack.”
Returning in their comfiest hoodie, the one Bucky thought was awful with it being full of holes and discoloured from a bleaching incident, They sat beside Bucky. He raised his arm for them to nestle against his chest, and later, likely fall asleep halfway across his him. He flicked on one of the movies in their queue and held the plate whilst Y/N nibbled on the corner of their snack - every now and then, they would brush the crumbs off of him.
Each sniffle Y/N made was met with a soft kiss to their temple.