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Actually, Hwanwoong wasn't planning to be at his party.
When Wooyoung, his dance class groupmate and his sort of friend asked him if he was up to come to his boyfriend's birthday, Hwanwoong said no because he was supposed to be studying. But then the professor emailed them that he was sick so the test wasn't due for another two weeks. So Hwanwoong had free time after all but he wasn't sure if barging into the party unannounced was a good idea. He hesitated back and forth, feeling disappointed because the party sounded fun.
The solution came from Keonhee who got an invitation from Yeosang and so here they were. 'Here' being on the couch of San's student apartment that he rented alongside Yunho and Jongho whom Hwanwoong vaguely knew. He saw San himself just once when he approached to congratulate him but then – and all the time afterwards – he had Wooyoung hugging him like a koala from the back. It was rather sweet and would've even been cute, had Wooyoung not announced loudly that he was holding 'the best boyfriend in the world' every ten or so minutes.
"Hey, do you want more of these? They are so good," Keonhee offered a few candies that he had left but Hwanwoong shook his head. The man shrugged with an expression akin to 'suit yourself'.
Hwanwoong decided to stretch his legs and take a refill, maybe see if there was anything else to drink. The kitchen was surprisingly almost completely empty, save for the few people sitting at the table. As Hwanwooong was studying the various bottles, he heard his name being called.
"Glad you could make it," smiled Yeosang who turned out to be one of the people there. "Hey, do you know Youngjo-hyung?" he pointed to the person sitting next to him.
Did he know Youngjo-hyung? Well, you can say that.
A while ago they met through mutual friends. About a month ago Hwanwoong asked his help with music editing, knowing that Youngjo knew how to do that and was a nice enough person to be around so hanging out with him didn't sound so bad. He expected to lounge in the studio while Youngjo was mixing the song but what he definitely didn't expect was to spend the whole four hours sneaking glances at the other man. He even had to think twice before speaking, for some reason hesitant to appear stupid. It set his nerves on edge.
When they were finished Hwanwoong bolted out of the studio and that was that. He didn't even understand why he felt the way he did but there was something in Youngjo that made Hwanwoong drift closer to him, and that pull was unfamiliar and therefore scary. He caught himself thinking that he wished he could see him again but that thought terrified him at the same time (at least, the way his stomach twisted told him it was fear and he chose to believe that). After that they didn't cross paths – not really – Hwanwoong saw the guy from afar but each and every time found an excuse to escape somewhere.
He was pretty successful at not coming in contact with him.
That is, until he saw Youngjo in the dim-lit kitchen of San's birthday party, sitting with his hand on his hand propped on the table and looking just as great as ever.
"Yeah," Hwanwoong tried for a smile. "We've met."
"Oh, that's great!" Yeosang announced. "Do you want to join us?"
No.
Yes.
Maybe?
"Ah, sorry, my friend is waiting for me, I can't," Hwanwoong excused himself and all but ran away from the kitchen, forgetting about his que. He didn't even have anything to drink now. Great.
He returned to Keonhee who was vibing to the beat but still remained seated. He had more candies in his hands and even more wrappers on his lap now.
"You look like you saw a ghost," Keonhee commented.
"I, uh… Kind of. Not really."
Keonhee hummed and then pointed with his head somewhere behind Hwanwoong. The man turned just in time to see Youngjo approaching him and produced a sound that sounded like a squeak.
"Is this okay if I steal you from your friend for a few minutes?"
Hwanwoong wasn't looking at him – couldn't, really – because Youngjo was towering above him and studying his face. His voice was soft and barely loud enough above the music but of course Hwanwoog heard him, he was literally a step away.
"Why?" Hwanwoong asked, addressing the floor.
"I wanted to talk to you."
Vulnerable – was the only word on Hwanwoongs mind when he heard the way Youngjo answered him. He let him lead him away mostly out of sheer curiosity. They didn't go far, Youngjo must've decided that the balcony was as good a place as any and it was definitely quieter than on the inside. Summer air, still warm from the day's heat but now mixed with a nice breeze made Hwanwoong close his eyes and take a deep breath.
When he dared to glance at Youngjo, the man averted his own gaze, smiling shily.
"What did you want to talk about?"
"I wanted to apologise," started Youngjo.
"For what?"
"I'm pretty sure I made you uncomfortable before."
Hwanwoong paused, trying to understand what he was talking about.
"I–" he started but had to stop because he simply didn't know what he was going to say. "You didn't."
"You don't have to pretend, Hwanwoong. I see that you're avoiding me. So if anything I did made you feel uneasy, I'm sorry.
Hwanwoong studied his face and the way he looked at him, so earnest and open, brows furrowed. He genuinely believed and had come to blame himself for the way Hwanwoong was behaving. "It's not like that," he hurried to convince him.
"Oh," Youngjo lifted his eyebrows. "So… everything is fine? Between us?"
Instead of answering that question – the question that involved analysing what he felt and that was too much at the moment – Hwanwoong asked his own. "Do you think there's access to the roof here?"
"We can find out," Youngjo smiled and it wasn't shy anymore, simply amused.
As it turned out, there was. The door of the highest floor in the building led out onto the opening. The few streets nearby as well as a small park were lit by yellow-shining lamps, creating droplets of light on the dark ocean of the residence area and Hwanwoong halted for a few seconds to let his eyes get used to the faint lighting.
Youngjo slowed his steps behind him.
Hwanwoong, feeling brave, stretched his hand and took Youngjo by the wrist, making him follow him further. As they approached the edge, Hwanwoong gripped Youngjo's hand tighter.
"Let's stop here," he whispered.
As they lingered on one spot, Hwanwoong felt – and saw, now that his eyes adjusted – that Youngjo looked at him.
"Ah, nowhere to sit," said Hwanwoong.
"May I?" Youngjo carefully took his hand away to take off his jacket and place it on the ground. Hwanwoong watched the scene in horror.
"No, why would you– Hyung, don't," he made a move to grab the clothing item from the ground but Youngjo had already sat on it.
"Come on," he patted the spot nearby.
The jacket wasn't that big, meaning that Hwanwoong was pressed against the other man, not uncomfortably, but now he was sure Youngjo could feel how tense he was. He was about to say something when he saw that Youngjo outstretched his hand, palm up, clearly urging Hwanwoong to take it.
Somehow, Hwanwoong didn't hesitate this time. Maybe it was because the overall darkness brought a cover of sorts, maybe because there was no one else but them. In any case, Hwanwoong took Youngjo's hand between both of his and brought closer to his chest.
"Do you believe in fate?" asked Youngjo quietly.
Usually those types of questions belonged in movies and it should've sounded cheesy coming in real life but Hwanwoong didn't want to laugh. He knew – or much rather felt – that Youngjo was serious, intending to hear his answer and consider it further. So, he started thinking about it.
Did he believe in fate?
He didn't know. Maybe it was fate that he saw an old performance on TV when he was five and it affected him so much that he wanted to pursue dancing professionally later in life. Maybe it was fate that one day he was late to class and knowing that the teacher wouldn't let him in, he chose to go to the cafeteria where he met Keonhee for the first time.
Or maybe those were accidents.
Who knew how many opportunities he'd had, how many times his life had branched out. Was it fate that he chose the path he did? Or did he have real control over his life?
He could have chosen a different career path instead of dancing. There could've been others with marks better then him who would've been accepted. He could've tried to get into that classroom or simply go to the park instead.
Was it intentional?
Was it free will?
Or was it fate?
What motivated him to ask his friends who that tall brown-haired guy was when he saw him at the student gathering? What made him come to this party, allowed him to have free time conveniently?
Hwanwoong felt himself floating away so he grasped Youngjo's hand a bit tighter.
"I don't know," he confessed. "I tried thinking about it and I don't know. Maybe?"
Youngjo hummed.
Hwanwoong decided to return the question. "What about you?"
"I think we end up where we need to be but it's the choices we make that determines what happens to us."
It was Hwanwoong's turn to make a sound of acknowledgement.
"Why did you ask?" Hwanwoong inquired after a brief pause.
Youngjo carefully pulled out his hand and shifted to face him, moving so that his legs were on either side of Hwanwoong.
"I may be reading this wrong, but…" he took both of his hands into his. "May I kiss you?"
Hwanwoong blinked. Then, without thinking too much, he leaned forward, kissing him first. It was short and simple, so when he pulled back he didn't think that the whole world shifted. But a small part of him flipped upside down, his heart beating fast and hard – he thought Youngjo would surely hear it.
They were still holding hands.
"I think it's fate that I met you," whispered Youngjo. He was close, merely centimeters away from Hwanwoong's face.
Hwanwoong didn't know whether he believed in it or not but one thing he knew for sure – he wanted to be with Youngjo. He kissed him again, longer this time and as he felt Youngjo smiling into the kiss he realised that the man reciprocated the feeling too.