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She left.
He still couldn't believe it. She had gotten on the plane and he had stood at the gate like a statue, looked after her in utter disbelief, and raised his hand in farewell when she looked around at him once more before disappearing from his field of vision.
Her gaze had struck him as unfathomable. She hadn't even looked really sad, rather melancholy. Perhaps a bit disappointed. Disappointed with him? If so, he could understand her. He himself was immensely disappointed with himself. Now that she had boarded the plane to Europe, to London, he felt that he had failed her - both of them - miserably.
Because he had kept silent. Because he hadn't told her how he felt. Because he had put on a fake smile and wished her good luck on her journey. A journey that could easily turn into a trip of no return. An irrational fear spread inside him. Would he ever see Sarah again?
Part of him wanted to run after her, finally scream out at her what he felt for her. But he did nothing of the sort. He just stayed there at the airport and stared at the now abandoned gate until a cleaner told him with a annoyed clearing of her throat not to stand in the way of her. With hunched shoulders, he made his way to the parking garage. He felt strangely empty, as if not only his best friend, his confidante, but part of him had left.
From the airport his way led back to the city. Charlie treated Rex, who had been waiting in the car, a lavishly filled bagel in the coffee shop. He didn't feel any appetite himself. Even the freshly ground coffee tasted stale today.
The day dragged on with little event and Charlie found himself looking at the door again and again, always in the hope that Sarah would step right through and brighten his lousy mood with her warm smile alone.
In the evening, he sat on his couch, Rex next to him. The dog's sonorous snoring usually calmed him down in no time. But today he just couldn't relax. So often they had spent the evening with Sarah, a bottle of beer or a glass of wine in hand, the conversation always flowing natural and amicable. At some point he had taken her presence for granted. Well, as he stared sadly at the empty seat next to him, he had to admit that it hadn't been.
Without thinking further about it, he picked up his phone and dialed Sarah's number. He was about to hang up again when he remembered the time difference. In London, it was already the middle of the night! But already Sarah answered, drowsy with sleep.
"Charlie?"
"I'm sorry I woke you up. I didn't even look at the time, Sarah."
He could picture her sleepy smile when she answered him and it made him smile as well. "Don't worry about it, Charlie. I'm used to our weird schedules at work. Is everything okay, though?"
He could think of a million things to tell her but, when he opened his mouth, the words came out without even thinking about them. "I miss you."
She chuckled softly and the sound went straight to his core. "Charlie, you dropped me off at the airport barely twenty hours ago."
"I still do miss you." He knew he sounded a little whiny when he added, "You're over 2,000 miles away, remember."
Sarah's voice didn't sound so sleepy anymore, but the smile could still be heard when, after a short pause, she asked "Anything you want to tell me?"
Again, he could think of a million things to tell her. Like, I love you. Come back to me. Don't ever leave me again. But no, he wouldn't beg. He had been silent for far too long when, in retrospect, Sarah had clearly shown her feelings towards him. He had let his chance slip and now it was no longer in his power how it would go on with both of them. He had waited too long. He wasn't going to beg Sarah to let go of her dream job in her dream city for him. After all, she was a strong, independent woman who wasn't at home waiting for her Prince Charming to gallop on his horse and kiss her awake. No, Sarah was indeed independent to a fault. It shouldn't be so attractive. Still, it totally was.
"No ... well, actually, but ... I just miss you", he finally got over his lips and felt like the last fool.
His heart jumped when she said quietly, "I miss you too, Charlie."
The tense silence that fell among them was broken by Rex, who raised his head and barked once.
Sarah laughed, "Of course I miss you most of all, Rex."
After the mood had clearly brightened up again through Rex's intervention, Charlie finally asked hesitantly about Sarah's first impressions. It pained him to hear her talk so enthusiastically about London, one of the world's greatest cosmopolitan cities, with an incredible array of museums, shops, and restaurants, also known for its interesting history in regard to royalty, politics, arts, science, and architecture.
Of course Sarah had only been able to see a fraction of it in such a short time, but her voice was full of anticipation when she reported what she had planned for the next day.
Charlie no longer dared to ask about the real reason why Sarah had come to London in the first place - the fateful job offer. But Sarah herself finally brought it up and raved about the high-quality equipment, the most modern technical means that were used there and the extremely friendly and helpful colleagues.
Sensing his discomfort, Sarah interrupted her story abruptly and instead asked about his day. Although Charlie felt terribly bad about it, he was secretly relieved that he no longer had to hear about the fulfillment of Sarah's long-cherished dream. Since there was not much news to report from St John's in the few hours since she left, they ended the call shortly afterwards.
Charlie lay awake for a long time afterwards. He couldn't get rid of the feeling that he had irrevocably lost his great love. In fact, Sarah initially only flew to London for a few days to talk to those responsible about the job offer there and to find out whether she should accept the offer.
Charlie, however, had the dull feeling that her decision had already been made.
***
Just a few days later, Charlie was back at the airport. As promised, he would pick up Sarah there. He was incredibly happy to finally see her again, but at the same time he dreaded hearing from her that she would soon be gone forever.
In the past few days they had written each other a few short messages but hadn't found the time to talk on the phone. With each passing day, Charlie had become more convinced that there was no way Sarah would choose St. John's instead of London. In spite of that - or perhaps because of it - his heart was pounding as the first passengers streamed in, and he caught Sarah's gaze.
Right next to him, a happy couple fell into each other's arms and kissed deeply. The man handed his girlfriend a single red rose and Charlie could have bitten his own bum. Of course, he hadn't thought of getting flowers for Sarah and now it was too late for that.
While he was still wondering what an appropriate form of greeting would be, Sarah had already approached him and hugged him warmly. After a short hesitation he in turn held her tightly in his arms and didn't want to let her go anymore. It seemed to be the same for her, because Sarah made no move to break away from his arms at first. Not until he whispered, "Welcome home."
She took a step back and smiled at him. "It's good to see you!" she said and looked around searchingly. "Where's Rex?"
Charlie also looked around, then shrugged. "I think I lost him at the hot dog stand."
But of course the loyal four-legged friend had long since recognized the voice of his second dearest human in the world and stormed towards Sarah, barking joyfully. With his front paws almost on her shoulders, he tried to cover her face with wet kisses. When she threw her head back laughing and tried halfheartedly to fight off the exuberant display of affection, Charlie wondered, not for the first time, why the hell it seemed so much easier for Rex to express his feelings than for him.
After Rex had sufficiently expressed his joy at Sarah's return, the three slowly made their way to the exit. Charlie was the first to break the silence. "So ... what happens to your big dream now?"
Sarah smiled and stopped. "Like I said, dreams do evolve."
His eyebrows shot up. "That means...?"
Her smile widened and her eyes twinkled as she continued, "London has been a great experience. But it's no longer my dream to live and work there. Charlie, I have chosen to stay here in St. John's."
He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Were his ears playing tricks on him? Did she really just say she would stay? Sarah looked at him expectantly, and he knew she was waiting for his reaction. But his throat was constricted, he couldn't utter a word. Finally, a big happy grin settled on his lips.
"Sarah, this is the best news!" he finally brought out and added, again a little incredulously, "But ... what made you change your mind?"
She shrugged and continued towards the exit. "I guess I listened to my heart. London is great, but here ... I'm happy here. With my job, with my colleagues ... with you. My happily ever after does not lie in London."
They walked slowly side by side and did not dare look at each other after her frank words. Finally, his hand brushed against hers. He saw her blush, the pink rising in her cheeks and just before they turned the corner, he took a risk and linked his pinky finger with hers. With a slight adjustment of her wrist, all of her fingers tangled with his.
"You deserve it," he said softly. "The happily ever after."
Sarah gave him a loving look and squeezed his hand. "We both deserve it." Her eyes glittered mischievously as she added, "And now please take me home at last."
Charlie took a deep breath, the knots in his stomach finally unwinding, and smiled down at her, a tenderness and a look of utter adoration in his eyes.
He thought about responding as he quickened his pace pulling her along, but there was no real need, everything else aside, in this moment, they wished for the same thing.