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Levi cannot remember a time in his life when he has been more shocked than when Eren replies to his soft "I know that this is your first time so if it hurts at all, make sure you tell me" with a confused and oh so innocent, "this isn't my first time, Levi." Eren frowns, adding a "And isn't it supposed to hurt?" when Levi goes still. He tilts his head to the side, looking so naive it almost hurts; completely unaware of the turmoil he's just installed in Levi.
"Corporal?" Eren asks tentatively, reaching for the other male when he backs away with a distant look on his face. He bites his lip when Levi doesn't respond, hand hanging awkwardly in the air before he lets it drop back to his side. He's not sure how long they sit there in silence, the heat and arousal that had built steadily through the night disappearing into the shadows, but he is startled when the older man finally speaks once more.
"What do you mean it's supposed to hurt?" Levi demands, head snapping up with a fierce look in his eyes.
Eren is left reeling under the sudden change. "I just... the first time it hurt so I thought--I thought it was just, you know... What was supposed to happen."
"The first time." Levi echoes, fingers clenching and unclenching. He feels sick. "And when was that?"
"I..." The shifter looked away, shrinking into himself; the shame on his face was not helping the sinking feeling in the Corporal's chest. "I don't really want to answer that."
"Too bad," Levi barked, voice softening with a wince when Eren flinched. "Please." He reached out, brushing a hand through the other male's hair. "I want to know."
Eren bit his lip, peering up at him through long lashes. Levi rarely pleaded for anything, and he knew that it meant this was important. Eren sighed, steeling himself. "I think I was thirteen maybe?" He grimaced, fingers tangling with the Corporal's.
"Why?" Levi managed to ask, closing his eyes briefly as if the words had struck a blow.
"Armin was sick," Eren murmured, eyes flicking to the wall as his expression grew distant and thoughtful. "Medicine was so rare, and we didn't have any money... We were barely surviving as it was, and there was a chance he'd die if I didn't..." Eren swallowed heavily, tanned skin unnaturally pale under the candlelight. Levi squeezed his hand gently, drawing him closer; Eren smiled faintly in thanks. "There was a man who seemed to like me. Sometimes he'd offer me food in passing and he made no effort to hide the fact that he would gladly give more if I gave him attention in turn. So late at night, when Mikasa and Armin were asleep, I snuck away and I..." Eren looked almost as sick as Levi felt. "It was over pretty fast and he gave me enough medicine to get Armin better. It was hard getting back to them--my body hurt so much afterwards--but I made it and managed to make them think I'd stolen it. Armin was so mad at me for that..." Eren laughed weakly, giving a slight shrug. "You're the first one I've told, actually."
"Fuck," Levi whispered, staring down at their hands as he pressed a hand to his mouth. Levi had long ago given up on looking for redeemable qualities in mankind and had accepted just how corrupt people could be, but the image of a young Eren desperate to save his friend and being taken advantage of? It hit too close to home.
"Levi?" Eren asked softly, hands cupping the older man's face as he pressed their foreheads together. "What's wrong?"
Levi gave a harsh laugh at that. "You tell me you were fucking raped as a child and you ask me what's wrong? That fucking animal... He should be skinned alive and tossed to the titans."
"I'm okay now though!" Eren was quick to reassure, always downplaying his own pain to take care of others, to make sure they weren't so burdened. His smile was meant to be reassuring and Levi might have believed it if it didn't tremble around the edges; if Eren's eyes weren't gleaming with tears.
"Come here," Levi demanded, pulling the younger man to his chest. Eren sniffled, pressing his face into the Corporal's neck. "Fuck, Eren, I don't... You know it was wrong right? That he had no right too--He should go to fucking prison."
"It was the only way," Eren whispered, trembling in his arms. "I didn't know what else to do--"
Levi's eyes widened. "Eren, I'm not blaming you." He pulled away just enough to cup the other male's face in his hands, brushing away stray tears. "Shit, brat, don't even think that. He was the one wrong, not you."
Eren gave a choked laugh at the nickname, clutching at Levi's wrists as the sound turned into a sob. "L-Levi-"
"Shhh," he hushed, pulling Eren back to his chest gently. He was normally callous and insulting, yes, but he knew when to be gentle and kind when it mattered. "Sometimes I forget how alike our childhoods are." Levi murmured quietly, closing his eyes with a grimace.
"Y-you--?" Eren struggled to speak through his sobs, voice managing to convey his horror at that idea.
"No," Levi reassured; Eren relaxed slightly. "I didn't go through that particular hell." Of course Eren would be comforted by the idea that someone else had been spared the pain he had suffered, of course.
"D-do you not want to have sex with me anymore?" Eren whispered, voice breaking as he shook with another sob.
"Not tonight," Levi answered just as quietly, stroking the other male's hair.
Eren shook, an agonized look on his face as a strangled wail left his mouth. The sound hit Levi's heart like a bullet.
"That doesn't mean never, Eren." He was quick to reassure, grimacing as he tightened his arms around the Titan shifter. "It just means that tonight I want to hold you."
"I-I'd like th-that, sir." Eren whispered, pressing closer desperately, as if he was afraid that he'd shake apart without Levi's arms around him.
"Good," Levi murmured, gathering the blankets around them. "Because I'm not letting go."
Eren laughed weakly, lifting his head for a kiss that tasted of salt. "Thank you."
"I didn't do anything."
"You d-did," Eren insisted, struggling to speak through the buildup of emotion that'd been accumulating for years. "You just--I r-really love y-you."
"I love you too, brat." Levi smiled, his grip not loosening once as Eren spent himself, finally releasing all the pain he'd forced himself to keep hidden all these years; safe in his superior officer's arms.
Three weeks later, they made love for the first time and Eren cried into Levi's shoulder with relief.
(It didn't hurt)