Work Text:
Spectrum
To Mimi, love was something she understood from a young age. It had never been the subject to ask any explanation for; she simply had always embraced it. She felt it in the small things, such as the cherry blossoms growing on the trees during spring, or with the rainbows that came after a big rainstorm.
She had had great teachers, too, the best ones, even. The way her parents loved each other, by how her dad always opened the door, of any kind, to her mom, or left a bouquet of flowers every seventh of the month on their dinner table, as if they had just started dating, made her heart ginormous. She loved love and was not afraid to express it.
She had always had many boyfriends, even if they tended to last a couple of months only, but each one of them Mimi could have sworn at some point of their relationship, had to be the love of her life. Her friends tended to roll their eyes at her, Mimi was a hopeless romantic, and she could not deny it, she did not want to.
When she was eleven, her world turned upside down, when her parents told her they would move to New York, the Big Apple, which she had only seen on movies. She was at shock at first, of course, but she was sure she could handle it. She had always been a sucker for adventures, after all.
“Aren’t you scared of learning a new language?” her oldest friend, redhead Sora, was helping her packing. Their mothers had introduced them to each other when Mimi was in diapers, and Sora was only a year older than she was. Mimi’s mother was passionate for anything luxurious, and she considered flowers a luxury, she always had. Hence why she had to take Ikebana classes, which was how she met Toshiko, Sora’s mother.
They had been best friends ever since.
“I have been practicing a little bit! One, two, three!” She counted with her fingers, in English with a thick Japanese accent, which left Sora speechless. Mimi was her own kind.
“I will really miss you.” Sora said after closing the last box in the brunette’s room. It felt cold, wrong even.
“Don’t be silly, daddy promised we will come visit every summer at least,” Sora embraced Mimi, and it was the very first time she had felt sad about moving. New York was exciting, of course, but it did not have Sora.
.
New York was a whole universe apart from Tokyo. Sure, they were both huge cities, but the mentalities from one another, it was hard to believe they were both under the same sky.
Mimi had learned so much more about love during the six long years she had lived there. For starters, contrary to what most of the media she consumed while growing up had wanted her to believe, sexual orientation was a spectrum, which had as many options as humankind would let it. Mimi had remained a love lover, and that also meant she had, well, experimented here and there. And she had enjoyed every piece of it.
When her parents gave her the option to study her junior year of high school in Japan once again, she accepted without hesitation. New York would always be waiting for her, but Japan felt more distant than ever, and she somehow felt a part of her was missing.
She was especially excited to see her childhood friends, especially Sora, whom she had not seen for two years, but had kept in touch via e-mails and text messages. God bless cellphones and the internet. Sora had told her that she was in a relationship during those years they had been apart but had just broken up.
He had other priorities; Sora explained.
Since Mimi´s parents never had the heart to sell their old apartment, Mimi could have it all for herself, which was a dream for someone who loved experimenting with art like she did. She had seen so many cool ideas on design magazines, she could not wait to bring some western into good old Tokyo.
Sora was waiting for her at the airport, with a very tiny, very discrete, but with the most beautiful handwriting WELCOME HOME MIMI sign. She had written it in English, too. Mimi squealed the moment she saw her and ran as if she was in one of her favorite rom coms, to embrace the redhead.
“It has been ages, Sora, you look fantastic!” and she was not lying. Last time they had seen each other, Sora was fifteen and she was fourteen, during the teenage years, each one counted as at least five. Sora had not grown in height, Mimi was still slightly shorter, but it had always been like that, however, she looked grown, almost adult. Perhaps it was being an Ikebana master daughter, but Sora’s posture and presence was impeccable.
“Says Tokyo’s favorite princess,” her and Sora had always had what Mimi liked to think as a spiritual connection. They were so incredibly different, in every single aspect, however, any time their eyes linked, they could communicate in ways Mimi could not dare to try with anyone else. “Did you seriously only bring a couple luggage?”
“Silly little Sora, the rest is being shipped, obviously!”
It had been a month since Mimi had arrived back to Tokyo, she had had enough time to unpack, and get familiar with the language once again. Classes had also started, and as much as she did not want to admit it, she had felt like an outsider. Sure, she was amicable with the rest of the girls in her class, but she could sense the hypocrisy behind their smiles. Mimi was very sensible with people’s vibes, after all.
Sora tried her best to be there whenever she needed her, but Mimi understood she was close to be driven insane. Not only was Sora on her senior year of high school, and applying to the best design schools in Tokyo, but she was still managing to be in the tennis team, help her mom with the school and stay as a top-notch student. Mimi’s head was in pain by just imagining it. She was grateful Sora had managed to save that Saturday night just for them, for old time’s sake.
“Sorry I’m late! My mom had ordered forget-me-nots for the school, but they sent carnations instead! Can you imagine the chaos? We had to make like a million calls in order to get three hundred forget-me-nots in time for the exhibition next week, I almost had a stroke!”
Sora took out of her bag chips and sodas for their movie night. She also brought out skin care products, since she knew Mimi loved them. That was Sora in a nutshell, always going above and beyond for everyone, but especially for those close to her heart.
“You sound so stressed, and remember, stress is not allowed in the Tachikawa household!” Mimi was already in her PJs, she helped Sora with the snacks, and they both proceeded to sit in the living room. “Nu-uh, you must get into your sleepwear, otherwise you would be breaking the most important rule of slumber parties!”
Sora rolled her eyes and got into the bathroom, to get out wearing, not a silk set like Mimi was, but running shorts and an oversized tee. Sora had a unique kind of beauty; while Mimi had a face you could be able to catch on a runway, Sora had a face that made you look. No wonder most of the guys at school were even scared to talk to her, she was mesmerizing, even with no makeup and her short auburn hair all over her face.
“You have no idea how much I needed this evening, it’s exactly what kept me going throughout the week!” Sora stole the chips from Mimi and smiled, she felt a punch in her stomach which she decided to ignore. “What are we watching?” Sora asked completely clueless of her anatomic pain.
“One of my favorites, The Notebook, the kind of love story that makes you want to die,” Sora raised her eyebrows, not surprised by Mimi’s exaggerations.
It was no lie The Notebook was one of Mimi’s favorite movies, but she could not focus on the movie even if she were being paid to do so, and not because she had seen it at least fifteen times, but because she could not keep her eyes off Sora, and her reactions on the star-crossed lover’s story. Sure, Mimi had experimented with women back in New York, but they had never been her very best friend.
“No way he fixed the house for them!” Sora was slowly cleaning up the tears that were fighting to get out of her eyes, as she caught Mimi staring at her.
Sora, on the other hand, had never experimented anything, of barely any kind. She had lived in Japan her whole life, and the most extreme adventure of her life was missing the train while she was on her way to visit her dad in Kyoto. In her very structured brain, heterosexuality was the only way of loving, the one-way couples existed. Then, why was she feeling magnetic towards Mimi’s hazel eyes?
Mimi was the one to make the first move, holding her hand gently, to see what Sora’s reaction on it was. She was static, but did not seem against her touch, either, so she slid closer, removing the bare centimeters that were separating them to each other. Her hand moved up Sora’s arm, to her collarbone, neck and stopped right at her cheek. Sora’s whole body was on fire, she had never been touched with such care, with such kindness.
Words were not necessary when the unspoken language between their gazes was so powerful. Maybe it had been a second, maybe it had been an hour, but Sora’s lips were all over Mimi’s, as if she had wanted to do it all her life, as if she had needed to do it all her life.
The kiss had started sweet, a peck savoring Mimi’s strawberry infused lipstick, but had slowly increased in heat, Sora’s body felt sweaty. Their lips had understood each other perfectly, adapting to the other’s pace, and need. Sora’s thoughts had been emptied for the whole time, and she wanted it to remain like that. Whenever she thought, she tended to overdo it, and she really did not want to ruin the moment.
Until their lips had to be separated, not because they wanted to, but because they needed to catch some air. Mimi’s lips seemed swollen, and Sora’s hair was messier than before. They were both panting, cheeks flushed.
And then it hit her, the big wave of thoughts entered Sora’s brain and she got scared. What had she just done? That was Mimi sitting in front of her, that was Mimi who she had been kissing as if they were the couple in the cheesy Hollywood film they were watching. Tears filled her eyes once again, she was shaking.
“I’m sorry but… I really need to go.” She grabbed her backpack and ran as fast as she could. She was not brave enough to face Mimi once again, because she was the reflection of what she had done, and she was not ready to hear it out loud.
Mimi was left alone in her parent’s small apartment, because somehow it still did not feel like her’s. She hugged herself and tried to force herself into finishing the movie, which was almost impossible, since her tears barely let her see anything.
What had she been thinking? Sora was all she had in Japan, her only sincere friendship, and she had to be stupid enough to let her feelings lead the way and ruin the only thing that was right with her life. Her chest was in so much pain, Sora would probably never speak to her again, and she could not blame her. Mimi was not stupid, and she knew Japan was one of the most homophobic countries in the world, even if it was the 21st century for fucks sake!
In New York things were much more different, and sure, homophobic folks existed here and there, but it was 2005 and her gay friends were allowed to hold hands in public, even show other signs of affection. Yeah, same sex marriage was not allowed just yet, but they were close to getting there! Japan was miles away from any kind of acceptation… God, what had she been thinking? Perhaps she should start looking for planes, to go back to where she belonged.
Sora ran, she ran so fast she felt her legs could detach from her body. She was not sure why she was running so fast, the one thing she wanted to get away from was on top of her shoulders. She was aware she had been the one to make the final move and kiss Mimi, the facts were there, what she wanted to know, to understand, was the reason behind her actions. She had never seen girls in a romantic or sexual way, she barely even had a close relationship with many girls.
But she had not been on drugs, or alcohol, or any other substance she could blame her actions on. She had just been drawn to Mimi’s pink lips as if it were the natural thing to do, as she had kissed her ex-boyfriend so many times. She stopped running to catch a breath, she was not even close to her home, because she had been running without a destination in mind. She knew she had acted like a jerk by leaving Mimi’s apartment, but she really needed to be alone, clear up her thoughts.
She grabbed her phone and texted Mimi, “can we talk about this tomorrow? I need to clear up my thoughts.”
“Sure 😊,” Mimi replied unable to write a dry message. Happy faces tended to relax situations, right?
Mimi and Sora agreed to meet in Sora’s apartment to have breakfast. They could have had their conversation in a restaurant, or café, but the mere thought of being heard by anyone, drove Sora insane. No, they needed privacy.
Sora still felt guilty about leaving in such a rude way the night after, so she tried her best to cook an American breakfast, with pancakes and sunny side up eggs. She bought bacon, too! Very early in the morning, considering she had barely even slept.
Mimi knocked Sora’s door, with a knot on her stomach. She could smell from the hallway the breakfast she had prepared, and she hated to admit she was hungry. Sora was a great cook, another talent to add to her never-ending list.
“Hi,” Sora opened merely a second after she had knocked, making Mimi believe she had been standing behind the door for a few minutes. She seemed nervous, considering she could not stop playing with her hands. Who was she kidding, Mimi was crazy nervous, too.
“I brought flowers, which is probably stupid considering I came to the Japanese kingdom of flowers,” it was a single orchid, beautifully sitting in a nice pot. Sora grabbed it and placed it in the middle of the kitchen table. It all had been arranged as a nice brunching spot Mimi would go to on a Saturday evening in the American city, her heart skipped a beat. “You didn’t have to go this far with the breakfast, you know?”
“It’s nothing,” she shrugged her shoulders, which Mimi could see since Sora was wearing a tank top. She had never noticed the amount of freckles Sora had on them. “You know how much I enjoy cooking, please sit or it will get cold.”
They ate in silence, making a mundane comment here and there, about anything but the one subject that was burning on both of their chests.
“I want to apologize for leaving like that yesterday, it was rude. No matter how confused I was feeling, that had not been your fault.”
“I understand, really. You don’t need to apologize, I seriously thought you would never speak to me again.”
“Why would you think that?” Sora’s voice sounded hurt.
“Well, considering the circumstances… it could get weird. I’ve been there before.”
“But Mimi, before anything we are friends, best friends even. Sure, I am still very confused about my actions last night, but you did not offend me. I can not promise I could see women in a romantic way, I did not even know it was an option until last night but… I would never want to lose you.”
“It must have come as a big shocker to you, right? So many of the people I had mentioned in my mails and letters were girls. To me love never had a specific sex attached to it, not even when I was a kid. I have been working with my sexuality for my whole life. I do not expect you to figure it out in a single night.”
“So you…?”
“I have fallen for girls before, yes. I believe I do like girls more than I like boys. Girls tend to be more sensible and open with their feelings, you know? Of course, I do not expect my feelings to be reciprocated, there may even be a chance I am just confused because you are the only person who I feel at home with in this country. I am sorry I let myself get controlled by my feelings, I tend to do that a lot.”
“Wow Mimi, I had no idea.”
“I do not think I have ever said this out loud, I am not the best at speaking.”
“Are we sure The United States is in the same planet as Japan?”
“Right? Japan may be advanced in technology, but you guys still live in the 15th century for so many other things.”
“In my household I think we live in that century for most of the things, including beds,” both Mimi and Sora laughed, cleaning up the air. “You are so brave, Mimi. For never being afraid of being yourself. You are such a blessing to anyone who ever runs into your life, I will never understand how you do it.”
“I guess I have been lucky to, for the most part, run into the right people. Thank you, Sora, for not seeing me as a monster.”
“Are you kidding? You are way too pretty to be a monster,” they held hands, speaking once again everything they could not say out loud with their eyes.
Mimi knew she could not ask Sora to be with her, not in that moment, not the way she wanted her to be. But Sora was still for her, and she knew she would always be. She was grateful she could still be herself with the redhead, no matter the circumstances.