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Mari's gone.
He could still remember her frantic voice of excitement before the recital, her utter determination to practice towards perfection, and how much she valued this very performance.
He could remember his own anticipation to examine how her fingers flew across the keys, to hear the music that sounded so beautiful and perfect, and cherish the brilliant smile on her face after the ending chord.
He could still recall when worries of failing and messing up overwhelmed her. He remembered how much it pained him to see her that way, and how he always tried to find a way to comfort her and tell her that Sunny would do well, that she would do well, and that the concert would turn out amazing.
She would always look into his eyes with a smile of appreciation, but deep inside he knew that she still wasn't fully convinced that everything would be turn out fine.
So, in preparation, he even bought a special bouquet of white egret orchids, her favorite, to congratulate her after the concert everyone had been so ecstatic to attend.
Now, the only occasion he could bring those flowers to were to her funeral.
The following moments passed by in a blur of utter grief and shock, a terrifying mixture of pain and suffering, a period of his life imprinted permanently in his brain. The sheer force of his emotions forced his mind into a pressured period of isolation, a horrific stage of mentally trying to cope with her leaving.
All he could think about was Mari. Everything seemed like a lost remnant of her soul, a reminder that she was gone. It seemed as if the only thing left of her was the memories.
Whenever he encountered something Mari liked, all he could think about was the expression of pure joy scattered across her face, all he could hear was her melodious laugh that lit up his entire world with bursts of happiness.
Whenever he was encouraged to go and do something, all he could think about was that now he had to experience life without her. Everything he once loved felt dull, just another thing that wasn't Mari.
Whenever the waves of incredible, dreadful memories enveloped and consumed his conscience, all he could know was that there was no more of Mari's comforting warmth. The warmth of how her hand would slip into his own trembling ones, her loving words ensuring her presence, and that he wouldn't have to go through all of it alone.
How disgustingly ironic that was.
She left without a warning, just even the slightest hint that she was experiencing this sort of mental state.
How could she do that? Everyone loved her.
Kel loved her. Basil loved her. Aubrey loved her. Her family loved her. Sunny, her own brother, loved her.
He loved her.
Yet she was gone. She didn't say anything, show any sign, before she ended it all. Ended it all with that cursed jump rope off that tree branch. Ended it all without telling him a single thing. It just didn't make sense.
It was my fault, wasn't it? Hero always wondered.
If he could've been more attentive, if he could've at least tried hard enough to see what was wrong, he could've saved her.
Maybe if he stopped sharing all of his worries and thoughts, and instead carried his own weight of burdens without putting it onto Mari, he would've saved her.
He was her boyfriend, someone she could rely on, someone she could trust. If something was enough to make her end it all, she would've told him about it. She would've trusted him with the information. She would've relied on him instead of keeping it all to herself.
If Hero could've just been less selfish, he could've saved Mari's life.
How could've he been so ignorant, so stupid, to let something like this slide so easily? How was he so selfish? How was he such a terrible person?
Nothing, absolutely nothing in his life would've compared to hers, would ever account for the suffering and grief caused by her death. She was his world, his everything.
You deserve it.
Maybe he did. He wasn't enough. He was a failure.
It's your punishment.
Perhaps it was. All the despair and hopelessness he felt was self-inflicted. He could've made a difference. He could've prevented all of this from ever happening.
Mari's gone.
And it was all his fault.