Work Text:
His heart overflows.
Sometimes it is a river, a soft rain, a hurricane. Other times is flowers, butterflies and white clouds. Is city noise and emergency alarm meetings in the morning. Is classic horror movie jump scares and breezes filled with relief. Breathing. Is also laugh, big laughs. Love, big love.
And everything breaks free and flies away.
For everyone to see.
He can’t contain it. Even if he tries.
And it’s okay.
And it isn’t.
Keonhee tries.
When he feels he has to.
He locks the door so the house starts flooding, drowning, gasping for air. Everything is soaked and the sunlight won’t come in.
If he opens, everyone will see and the mind decision of letting everything drown inside reaffirms itself as the only logical solution.
The heart doesn’t agree.
The heart and the mind.
Work together, not friends. They don’t get along most of the time.
They fight.
The heart wins a small battle and a soft rain starts.
-
Youngjo’s words are sharp in the edges. They get through easily, even gracefully. His soft mocking laugh makes itself at home and rings louder inside.
Keonhee’s heart doesn’t like it so it pushes it away.
The mind has to agree to open the door and the heart has learned what is welcome and what is not, in order to avoid a new flood.
He keeps pushing his buttons.
He’d laugh at his hurricanes, at his fears.
Even at his flowers, butterflies and white clouds.
At his love.
But never at the rain, never at the river and never at the sea.
Is like a switch. His humming laugh will stop as soon as a gray cloud appears in the blue sky.
And then Youngjo hugs and Youngjo kisses.
Softly.
It only happens when the sun is away. When the rain clouds gather.
There aren't sharp words anymore, but somehow, something gets inside. The heart pushes it away, but it comes back. It knows the mind won’t let the door open. It knows it’s gonna overflow and a flood will start soon, but it lets it in.
The heart trusts the door will open eventually.
After the floor soaks and the windows crack. After all furniture and photo frames are floating inside and there’s no room for more water. After there’s no room for more air...
But the mind fears and is mad at the heart.
If it weren’t for this heart’s inability to contain not even the tiniest drop, it would be fine. A normal heart can. A normal heart doesn't overflow like this. It’s been years and nothing changes. It lacks something. It must be defective. It must be broken. Too much water must have come inside and it can’t be fixed now. It can’t be helped. It’s drowning. It’s drowning.
“It’s okay.”
Transparent words that get through like a ghost and spread themselves like a wildfire. The door opens and the river finally flows beautifully with all its power.
Without the mind's approval. But it's okay.
Youngjo says it’s okay and the heart trusted.
No one will see. No one will know. The river will find its sea there, against the oldest’s shirt. He’ll take care of it til the rain stops. His arms, like a warm blanket around him. Big enough to cover it all. To protect him from the cold water while the remaining drops evaporate at the heat of a soft flame. A fireplace.
Keonhee breathes.
His heart overflows again. But this time with words written in thankful notes. And care, and warm water. And love.
And he wonders.
He wonders if every time he starts raining, Youngjo’s heart overflows the same.