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EJ can’t sleep.
It isn’t so much that he doesn’t want to. He just can’t. His bed is nice and warm, but he tosses and turns as he tries to find a comfortable position he can settle into so he can drift off into the peaceful oblivion of sleep. He tries and tries, yet sleep evades him still.
He groans inwardly and flutters his weary eyes open, staring at the ceiling above him – dark, save for the faint light just outside his bedroom window. He has school in a few hours, and he doesn’t really feel like staying all up just thinking, but something has taken over his thoughts tonight.
The evening has been quite… interesting, to say the least, and EJ has enjoyed taking part at Carlos’s quinceañero and being behind the camera. There isn’t much time left for him at East High, he feels, and he has made it a point to savor every moment he has with everybody.
EJ shoots a glance at the bright, red numbers of the alarm clock on his bedside table – 2:34 AM. He rolls out of bed with a sigh, listening to his sudden impulse as he pulls the video camera out of the AV Club’s equipment bag near his study table. He settles back on his bed, turning on his side as he switches the device on and presses the playback button. He swiftly skips through some test shots he had taken at the beginning of the party and a couple more clips, until he reaches the subject of his current state of restlessness.
Gina on the dance floor is a sight to behold. She moves with purpose, bouncing through steps with her effortless grace and amazing energy. Every move she makes is simply wonderful, so much that EJ’s mouth still kind of opens as he watches through the small screen of the recording device. The lights flicker across her like lightning and she’s here, there, and everywhere, hair bouncing, skirt swirling all around.
The video ends and she is no longer dancing on the screen, so EJ hits the forward button for the next clip. It’s a close up of Gina’s face, a startled expression on her features.
“That was just you asking? How I was feeling?”
The video starts and EJ remembers how her question has caught him off-guard earlier in the night. He recalls being unsure whether his concern is warranted or not, and he hears himself speak from behind the camera, “Is that okay?”
She nods, silent for a couple of moments, before she relays her wishes to the birthday celebrant. Her message is full of love and warmth for their friend, and EJ cannot help but feel proud of the girl. Much like him, she used to think of only herself, but now, having done this for Carlos and making sure he got the celebration he deserved, she couldn’t be more selfless.
He plays the clip once more, and this time he sees something he hasn’t noticed earlier. There’s a wistful look on her face as she speaks, a melancholic mood in her being he has never witnessed before. As for the reason for her current woe, he doesn’t know.
EJ doesn’t like not knowing things, and he is left pondering the meaning behind her expression as he finally succumbs to sleep.
It doesn’t surprise him much, the way he catches himself sneaking glances Gina’s way during practice the past few days. It’s like his eyes have suddenly taken an interest towards her, and when he isn't careful, he finds himself openly staring at her.
EJ likes to think of himself as quite perceptive, and when he looks close enough, remarkably observant. Needless to say, he notices things.
There’s something different about Gina these days. She still talks to people a lot, smiles at everyone, but when she believes no one’s looking he thinks he sees something flash in her eyes – a tinge of hurt or longing or both, maybe, he isn’t sure.
What’s more, with the way Gina has been ignoring a certain person – Ricky – all of a sudden, it seems that he is the cause of her none-too-obvious pain. With Ricky and Nini being together since the end of last year, he deduces that Gina must be harboring some sort of feelings for the messy-haired singer.
Oh, Gina.
She’s always so put together, so strong and unyielding, but lately she looks almost vulnerable, eyes filled with unshed tears as she tries to pay the other boy no mind.
This expression on Gina’s face – he doesn’t like it. Ricky might be oblivious to her feelings, but not EJ. As her friend, he resolves to help ease her worries and protect her from pain.
For this reason, he comes to her rescue when he notices the object of her affections approach her one day during Miss Jenn’s improv class. She has just shrugged the other boy off, but Ricky can be persistent, so EJ swiftly swoops in and says, “May I have this exercise?”
She beams at him all at once (Team Wonderstudy, she calls them) and he begins to have this unusual feeling, one he hasn’t felt in a while. The feeling is milky and smooth, and it tickles very faintly – he likes it.
And so, he decides that it will be his job to put that look on her face more often from now on.
He isn’t sure how exactly the current circumstances have come to be, but somehow he and Gina have gotten a lot closer – talking in between classes, sending random text messages, sharing secret smiles or knowing looks during rehearsals. At some point, EJ starts dropping by his cousin’s house to pick her up every day when she agrees to be his co-anchor on East High’s new morning show.
She seems happier these days, much more carefree, her body language much more relaxed than he’s ever seen her, and EJ takes every second of it. Something changes – something in the air, something around them, something about her. He feels it, more than he sees it – like something has suddenly clicked into place.
“It’s really not that bad, you know, being your girlfriend.”
Gina teases him one night, as they walk out of the halls of North High School Grand Theater after a group mask-retrieval mission gone wrong. The Beast’s mask from their musical has gone missing all of a sudden, and everyone has been convinced it’s in the possession of someone from their rival school.
It’s quite the misadventure, EJ thinks, finding themselves raiding North High’s costume shop in search for the missing mask. Gina has volunteered to act as the lookout, afraid she’ll go all Gina 1.0 (her words) if left unsupervised with their costumes. Meanwhile, EJ has joined the others inside, but has soon found himself feeling left out and missing the company of the curly-haired dancer.
He has gone back out, just in time to see a North High jock seemingly hitting on his friend. The tight feeling in his chest has surprised him out of the blue, and before he can stop himself, he has approached the couple, putting an arm around Gina’s shoulder as he calls her ‘babe’ and asking her if they’re still on for risotto, of all things, later in the night. Hence, they have found themselves pretending to be boyfriend and girlfriend until the other boy has left them alone.
“Hello? Earth to EJ!”
He is shaken out of his thoughts when he finds Gina waving her hand in front of his face in a comical fashion, and EJ flushes in embarrassment for spacing out. He remembers her words from earlier and he’s suddenly unsure of what to say. ‘Thank you’ doesn’t seem like much of a response, and a sheepish smile overtakes his face as his eyes drift towards his car in the parking lot.
He may not know what to say, but he can think of something to do.
“Hey, what do you say we get that risotto now?” he asks as he points his thumb towards his parked car. “My treat.”
Gina’s eyes widen in surprise in an instant, her mouth opening in the shape of a perfect O. “What? Really?”
“Why do you seem so shocked?” He chuckles good-naturedly, amused by her startled expression.
“Uhm, I didn’t really think you were serious when you said that earlier,” she admits with a small smile.
“Well, I am now,” He tells her in complete honesty. “And I’m having it with you, babe.”
“Wait, I thought we’re done pretending!” she declares with a laugh, and she is smiling so brightly he swears she illuminates the entire place. “In that case, there’s nothing else I’d rather do, babe.”
EJ has initially gone to Ashlyn’s house to talk to his cousin, as he usually does when he has a dilemma. But when Gina answers the door and informs him that the other girl is unavailable, his cousin being... occupied with her boyfriend, he finds himself talking to her instead.
“Are you alright?” Gina asks him once he has settled down beside her in the living room, and the sincerity in her eyes as she expresses her concern sends warmth in his veins. “You look… troubled.”
EJ sighs, a long, audible sound from the bottom of his lungs. Truth be told, the past couple of days have been quite challenging for him, his dad having just found out about the Duke rejection and taking matters in his own hands.
So now he’s going to Duke – and it’s the dream, the target, the only destination amongst the road blocks. But EJ also knows that the life he wants is one that he works for, makes sacrifices for.
He tells her this, his voice sounding more frustrated than he intends, when he feels her warm hand covering his own. She asks him, voice mellow and tender, “So what are you going to do about it?”
“I haven’t decided yet,” he answers truthfully, his brows furrowing and his lips pressing together in a tense line. “Maybe I just need a little more time to figure it out.”
“Well, you don’t have to rush to figure it all out,” she assures him, and he bites his bottom lip as he considers her words. “Take all the time you feel you need.”
He sighs softly, and it sounds more at ease now. Something stirs in the pit of his stomach, below his ribcage as he realizes how glad he is that she’s the one talking him through this and soothing his mind.
“You’re right,” he agrees after a while. “Besides, I still want to enjoy this feeling a little longer before Duke possibly changes things. I’m… happy with the way things are right now.”
“Good,” she says, her eyes soft and kind. “You deserve to be happy.”
It’s interesting the effect those words can have on a person. EJ knows them on the most basic level, believes them to some extent, but hearing someone he cares about assure him that he deserves to be happy comforts him like no other.
He finally gets to talk to Ashlyn the next morning, when his cousin corners him in the kitchen after breakfast without warning. She is smirking at him, looking like she’s privy to some sort of top secret, and EJ raises his brow in bewilderment. She steps closer to him and then leans in to speak in a voice only the two of them can hear. “You like her, don’t you?”
EJ freezes from head to toe at her words – he certainly didn’t see that coming. “What?”
“I saw you and G last night.” She pats him on the back, still grinning from ear to ear. “It’s quite obvious, dear cousin. The way you to talk to her, react to her. The way you worry over her and watch out for her…”
“Hey!” he cuts her off before she can continue, raising his hands in defense. “What are you talking about? I simply… care about her, okay? Besides, I haven’t really done anything more than be her friend, so how can I…”
He stops stumbling over his pathetic excuse and pauses to actually think about Ashlyn’s words. The girl doesn’t say anything and waits instead, as he tries to process his feelings for the curly-haired dancer.
A couple of beats pass, before his eyes widen and his mouth drops open in realization, shaking his head as he wonders why he hasn’t seen it before. He turns to his cousin and there’s a triumphant gleam in her eyes.
“You’re not going to tell her, are you?” he asks, a hint of growing worry in his voice.
“Of course not!” Ashlyn laughs as she shakes her head, and then her gaze shifts from playful to earnest as she tells him, “You’re a good man, EJ. And I’ve never seen her happier the way she is with you. You deserve each other.”
He doesn’t know if he deserves her. But he’s damn sure he’s going to try.
Later at school, EJ is distracted as he and Gina prepare for their morning show outdoors. He’s been thinking about the other girl too much, and she’s taking up more and more of his head he’s not sure how he’s going to be able to handle it.
He watches as she gets ready for their program, mindlessly moving her arms and legs in a little dance as she studies the cue cards in her hands. She has a charming way about her, and EJ can't help but find the image before him absolutely endearing.
Gina looks even more beautiful today, EJ thinks, so incredibly natural, her lips parted slightly as the morning sun kisses her face. It’s not just her physical attributes that attracts her to him though, but also her spirit, her wit, her stubbornness. She seems to always make his day better, and his otherwise predictable life has become a lot more spontaneous and exciting.
He is so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t realize she’s talking to him.
“I’m sorry,” he says, “I’m a little scatter-brained right now. What were you saying?”
(And by scatter-brained he means speechless. And by speechless he means in awe. And by in awe he means in love.)
It is after Ricky and Nini make their breakup known to the group (it seems that they have ended things a few weeks ago) when Gina kind of falls into a restless phase, and EJ becomes worried. She’s more quiet than usual, more tense, and he senses something different about her, something in her expression, but he can’t place exactly what it is.
“What’s wrong?” he asks her after practice one afternoon, patting the space next to him on the stage as the girl sits down beside him.
“Nothing,” she says, leaning sideways as she rests her head on his shoulder. “Don’t worry about it.”
They sit in silence for a few minutes, and EJ debates whether he should probe the matter further or just let it go. She seems hesitant, so he waits for her to be ready to talk. Several more minutes pass before she lets out a miserable sigh, and EJ feels his heart crack a little at the sound. Without a word, he wraps an arm around her, drawing her close to him protectively.
“Ricky talked to me…” she tells him after a while, and he stiffens at the mention of the other boy’s name, pulling away and looking at her with question in his eyes.
“He sort of confessed,” she mumbles, and he feels his heart stop, somewhat dreading the next words that come out of her mouth. “He told me he’s in love with me.”
“Oh.” His voice is collected, eyes steady – the opposite of the way he’s feeling as his insides catch in turmoil at her sudden revelation.
EJ simply stares at her as he searches her eyes, before reaching for her hand, lacing their fingers together. He does it on instinct, without a single second thought, and it’s not until she gives his hand a gentle squeeze that he realizes what he’s done.
She doesn’t pull away.
Not even a little bit.
“She told me she cannot be with me.”
Ricky is waiting for him after last period about a week later, and EJ nearly freezes in shock at the other boy’s sudden appearance.
“I’m sorry, man,” he replies, and his voice sounds strange even to his ears.
“She didn’t understand why,” the other says as he looks straight at him, a hint of challenge in his eyes, “but I think I do.”
They sit on a bench, silky clouds twirling – doing the ballet, in his present heightened romantic awareness – above them in the frost-blue sky. Her hair tickles the skin on his face as she cuddles up beside him, her head leaning on his shoulder as they watch the rest of their friends play around in Ashlyn’s backyard. They are in a secluded corner of the garden, and the others are so used to seeing them like this by now that they have stopped treating it like it’s such a big deal.
He feels her shift slightly as she reaches for his hand, playing with his fingers absentmindedly, and EJ's breath catch in his throat. Even more so, when she grabs his head to kiss him out of the blue. It feels kind of nerve-wracking, like the intoxicating, queasy feeling one gets when they plummet first hill on a roller coaster. Only there isn’t a roller coaster. Just Gina Porter.
There is a hint of nervous tension in his kiss as something takes over him all of a sudden, and he thinks she feels it, too. But she kisses him harder still, not allowing him to pull back. It’s the first time a kiss has overwhelmed him so much, enough for him to want to say the words he hasn’t been able to tell her yet.
It used to worry him before, thinking about the right time and the right place for such proclamation. But right now, with a sound mind and a ready heart, his mouth opens to say those three fateful words.
The touch of her lips to his is very brief this time, but soft and warm, and it makes EJ feel almost tingly.
End.