Work Text:
A familiar beeping coming from her nightstand woke Karin. She sat up in the bed she’d known for the past year and turned off her alarm. The sun had yet to peek over the horizon, but the sky was the right-before-dawn blue. She got out of bed and fixed it as she always did, then pulled her yoga mat from under the bed and started her morning stretching routine.
Everything was the same despite the date.
Sometime during her rigorous routine, the sun started to dye the sky in pale orange. When Karin finished stretching, she got up and looked outside her window. The buildings of Shibuya were painted by the sun’s rays.
Then Karin’s phone started ringing. It read, “Mom.” Karin answered.
“Hello?”
“Happy birthday, Karin,” her mom said. “We’ll come visit your apartment on the weekend.”
“Sounds good. I’m busy today, too.” Karin had a quick photo shoot that day, then she and her coworkers were going out to celebrate her birthday.
“Can you send me the address again?” Karin’s parents were almost as bad as her when it came to reading maps. Luckily they had a driver who could navigate.
“I’ll text it to you.”
“Love you, dear. From both me and your dad.” Karin smiled at the words she hadn’t heard in a while. She and her parents were relatively close, but they were all busy with working now. Frequent phone calls were out of the question.
“Love you, Mom. Tell Dad the same.”
“See you soon.” Karin hummed into her phone and waited for her mom to hang up. She pulled the phone away from her ear and locked it. She stared at the black screen for a moment, then pressed the home button. The screen lit up, showing the date and time.
June twenty-nine. It was her twentieth birthday.
In Japan, twenty is the age of adulthood. Karin could get married, vote, and buy alcohol. She could attend the Coming of Age Day celebration in January.
None of those things were really on her mind at the moment, though. In that sense, maybe not much had changed now that she was an adult.
There were other things that Karin was more concerned with.
Thinking about that, Karin was reminded of her phone call with Emma the night before. Emma called her at midnight to wish her a happy birthday all the way from Switzerland. Karin recalled it all.
Her phone rang in her dark room. Emma had started a video call with her. Karin went to her lights and turned them on.
“ Buon compleanno !” Emma said along with a bunch of her siblings. Karin smiled at the sight. “That’s “happy birthday” in Italian, Karin-chan.”
“I figured. Thanks Emma.” Giggling came from the phone, then Emma walked to her room to chat with Karin privately. “How’s everything going with work?”
“Everything’s good. I have a small section in a magazine for my birthday, actually. I’ll send you some pictures when it comes out tomorrow.”
The two of them chatted about how their lives were going. They told each other about how much they missed everyone. From Emma, who had moved back to Switzerland after high school, her words seemed more genuine.
Karin had attended a few concerts here and there to support the School Idol Club, so it wasn’t like she hadn’t seen them in the past few months like Emma hadn’t.
Still….
Emma interrupted that thought by leaning into her screen and asking, “Hey, why is your room such a mess?”
“A-Ah, you caught me.”
“Geez, Karin-chan. You’re an adult now.” Emma pouted for a split second, but then turned that into a smile. “I’m joking. But I do hear that if you come back to a clean room after work, you’ll feel less drained because you don’t have to clean up!”
“An adult now, huh?” Karin was lost in her thoughts for a little over those words. “I’ll try, Emma.”
Then Emma approved before saying it was late and Karin should get some sleep. Karin yawned and agreed.
“By the way. Your gift should be coming in the mail soon,” Emma said.
“Gift?”
“A bunch of goodies from Switzerland.” Emma smiled at Karin and continued, “Happy birthday again, Karin-chan. Goodnight.”
Karin thanked her again and said goodnight.
Remembering her thoughts from that night, Karin started thinking again.
Everyone was bound to drift apart when they grew older. Emma had already moved back to Switzerland. Kanata started studying at Tokyo University. The rest of the club was still back at Nijigasaki High School.
Karin realized that everyone other than her and Emma would be busy with the first term exams coming up. Kanata, who was the closest to Karin when it came to location, was quite diligent when it came to studying at night. Karin figured that none of them would be able to visit during her birthday.
Especially not Kasumi-chan. She needs to study the most.
After grinning for a split second at the thought of Kasumi slumping against her desk in frustration over her studies, Karin started to frown. She wasn’t supposed to think of Kasumi as much anymore. She decided to distract herself by thinking more about adulthood.
Other than being able to do more things, becoming an adult also meant a lot more responsibilities. And she had to take care of them herself instead of relying on others.
She lived in her own apartment. She was working full-time as a fashion model. She made her own meals that matched her strict diet.
Along with focusing on more things related to work, she also had to give up other things. Even though she was still dancing for exercise purposes, Karin hadn’t sung seriously ever since she left the School Idol Club. She also couldn’t spend as much time with her friends who were either working or attending classes.
Karin even had to give up her feelings for a person she wasn’t going to spend much time with anymore.
Don’t think about that, Karin reminded herself. Instead of thinking more about the topic, Karin went through the rest of her morning routine. When she was ready, Karin walked to the front door of her apartment. After she put on her shoes, she turned around and looked at her apartment.
As expected, there was no one who would tell her to have a great day. So she didn’t say anything as she walked out of her apartment and into the world of adults.
The apartment Karin had moved into after she graduated in the spring was a few blocks away from her work. She chose to move out of Odaiba, which was about forty-five minutes away by train on a lucky day, for the convenience.
Of course, it would have been nice to be so close to the place where the School Idol Club held most of their performances, but sacrifices needed to be made for her job.
Speaking of her old club, Karin’s phone was vibrating almost every minute on her walk over. The old group chat was filed with notifications. Karin smiled as she saw the number go up until it stopped, then opened it. She read all the messages.
Karin found happy birthday all over her screen, either in text or in stickers. She scrolled up and saw almost everyone congratulating her on becoming an adult. Ai in particular spammed a bunch of stickers about wine, beer, and sake. Karin chuckled at Shioriko scolding Ai for putting such images in their group chat.
As she continued scrolling through it all, the name she was looking for was missing. “Kasumin” was nowhere to be found.
Well, maybe she’s busy or something.
Karin shook off her disappointment with that thought. She sent a quick message along with a cute panda sticker that said “Thank you.” Then she kept walking.
On the streets of Shibuya, Karin would never fail to draw stares. Maybe it was her outfit, or her figure, or the cool aura she exuded as she walked. Karin didn’t mind, though. She was comfortable in front of a crowd. That much hadn’t changed now that she had come of age.
Then she went to her agency. She wondered what would be different behind that door. Would everyone see her differently as an adult? Or would nothing change? She decided to stop guessing and just walk in.
Behind the door waited a large, blue banner saying, “Happy Birthday, Karin Asaka,” in big, bold characters. Everyone in the office was holding party poppers and wearing rainbow-colored cones on their heads. For a split second, she saw everyone standing there, watching the door open.
Then chaos erupted. Loud pops and colored confetti filled the small office. Cheers came from all sides, followed by a big collective, “Happy Birthday!” Karin smiled, waved, and bowed. A lot of her coworkers came to greet her, including her producer.
“Are you busy tonight, Asaka?” he asked, clearly planning something. Karin shook her head before asking why. Her manager turned to the rest of the office and said in a commanding voice, “Dinner and drinks tonight, on me.” Everyone cheered again.
As the hustle and bustle of celebration turned back into a regular workday, except with decorations all over the office, Karin went to the makeup room. The two makeup artists were waiting for her there.
The makeup room was painted in a gaudy pink. There were two makeup tables, each with giant mirrors surrounded by light bulbs. On both of the mirrors were English letters saying “Happy Birthday.” Karin saw those and the makeup artists she had grown close to in the past few months. She smiled as they turned their heads and greeted her.
“Karin-chan, happy birthday,” the blonde one said before running up and wrapping her arms around Karin’s body. Karin knew she was always excitable, so this much was to be expected. On the other hand—
“Ahem, we have a job to do, remember?” the long-brown haired one said. “Though… happy birthday, Karin.” As she was released from the hug, Karin waved and smiled.
That day Karin had a photo shoot to do for a fashion magazine. She sat still in her chair and made small talk with the two that were working on her.
“Hey, hey. Have you seen your birthday interview yet?” Karin glanced over to the blonde and shook her head. “It was hard to get one! I swear, at the grocery place near my apartment, there were no copies left. The producer had to give us his copy so we could talk to you about it.” Karin’s eyes widened.
She had done a photo shoot for her birthday along with an interview. They asked her many questions about becoming an adult and what she’s looking forward to the most.
“You can look at it when I’m done,” the brunette said as she turned Karin’s head to face forward. Karin had to wait a few more minutes as the last touches were put on her eyelashes and lips. “Okay, let’s look together.”
The blonde came over and brought the magazine to the table. She flipped through the pages until they found Karin’s interview. One page was full of images of Karin in different outfits. The next couple of pages contained a transcript of the interview with extra commentary. Karin looked over to see what the extra comments were.
One of the questions read: “What do you think will change with your daily life now that you’re an adult?”
Karin answered, “I don’t know what will change. After all, I’m already living in my own place, working full time, and paying all my bills. I guess I’ll find out as I continue growing.”
The commentary on the side mentioned something about how mature Karin was already and how she seemed like a natural adult with the way she acted. Karin chuckled and shook her head at that.
As for what Karin was looking forward to the most, Karin said, “I’m looking forward to voting and the Coming of Age Ceremony. The other things don’t interest me that much.” The commentary talked about how strict Karin was with her diet, so of course she wouldn’t be excited to legally buy alcohol.
Lastly, they asked Karin what she expected from her career from now on.
“Hopefully I will be able to show you my mature charms, especially now that I’m an adult. As for my career as a whole, of course I want to strive to be the best model I can be. So to all my fans, please keep supporting me!” Karin thought her answer there was quite good. The commentary agreed.
The makeup artists oohed and aahed as they went through Karin’s answers and praised her on a successful interview.
Karin left the makeup room and headed to a different part of Shibuya. She thought for a while as she went to the photo shoot.
She really was an adult and everyone knew it. Thinking of what Emma said last night, Karin thought she should start acting like one.
Photo shoots take a while. Of course, some part of that depends on the model and the director. Whether or not everything works out as envisioned is up to them. But even before that, models have to dress up in different outfits, sometimes even changing their makeup for each one.
The director who Karin was posing for that day was particular about his choices. She needed everything to be “perfect” before moving onto the next shot.
Karin had heard of a saying: “Do what you love, and it won’t feel like a job.” She had come to the conclusion that it was partly true.
Of course it’d feel much better to be doing something you love as work. But at the end of the day, a job is a job. Karin still had to be professional. That included going to all of her scheduled appointments, working on things related to modeling even when she wasn’t on the clock, and putting up with picky directors.
It wasn’t perfect, but Karin figured it was also part of growing up.
The shoot ended up going longer than expected. Karin had to rush to her next shoot, which ended much more quickly than the first.
She was spent after everything. Maybe soon she could take a break and go to an onsen or somewhere else she could relax. Karin deserved it every once in a while. And she could afford such breaks even though she paid her own bills. She was a working woman now, after all.
Karin had one last thing to do after her photo shoots. Dinner with the rest of the modeling agency. A couple of her senior models also wanted to show up to congratulate Karin. She met up with them near the agency and took a taxi to the restaurant.
“Finally an adult, Asaka! Let’s get smashed tonight,” one of the models, with an unbelievably slim figure, said. Karin had told herself she wouldn’t get too drunk to watch her figure, but apparently staying slim was still possible with enough effort.
“Go easy on me, Senpai.” Karin had never drank before. It wasn’t something that interested her. She had seen her dad drunk before and knew it wasn’t pleasant for the sober people around. She knew the idea behind it—relaxing after a stressful day with a drink or two—but didn’t want to push that limit.
“No chance in hell,” her senior said back with a smile. Karin shook her head but said nothing.
On the way, Karin checked her phone again. There were more messages in the group chat. Yuu had sent the piece she was working on for her music exam along with a recording of herself playing it. She had improved greatly since Karin graduated. Everyone was sending reactions and cheering Yuu on, so Karin contributed to that.
Still nothing from Kasumi, Karin noted before locking her phone.
They ended up at the restaurant, which seemed to be reserved in its entirety for the small agency. To be fair, the restaurant was also smaller than their office, consisting of a long bar and six tables scattered around it.
The first thing everyone did was order drinks. They were all older and more experienced with liquor, so Karin took their suggestions. She settled for a whiskey highball, which a lot of her coworkers recommended.
It was a long drink, which was good for trying to stay sober until the food came. Unfortunately, everyone egged Karin on to drink now that she was an adult. The first sip was terrible, but Karin grinned through it and started to drink in long gulps. Everyone cheered as the burning sensation at the back of Karin’s throat became worse and worse.
The first drink came and went. The second lasted longer as their food came. Karin started to feel lightheaded. It was a nice feeling.
Karin was sitting with the makeup artists and the talkative model from their car ride. They were all chatting about how much Karin had changed ever since she graduated and started working full-time. Karin didn’t see much of a difference, but went along with the flow of the conversation.
Her producer came over to the table, interrupting their talk to toast Karin. They both took long drinks.
“Congratulations to Asaka for becoming an adult,” he said. “She started working full-time a few months ago, but she’s already one of our top models. May she keep rising up and become a top model!”
Everyone cheered. Karin smiled and clapped at the speech. The producer leaned down next to Karin and smiled.
“One day… this little agency might not be enough for you,” her producer said with a wistful smile. His gaze didn’t seem focused on Karin. “But, I hope that… even if you keep moving forward, you won’t forget us.”
Karin froze at that statement. As she was thinking, her producer downed his cocktail in a single chug, and said, “Another round for everyone!” They all cheered and finished their drinks.
After the food was gone from their plates, and the glasses on the table were empty, Karin was drunk. Too drunk to remember exactly what everyone was talking about. She recalled them saying they were going to a grocery store to get Karin a present.
At the end of the night with her agency, Karin ended up with a one-and-a-half liter bottle of sake and a small bottle of water for the road. She gulped down the bottle of water in the backseat. She had a driver that didn’t make much conversation. He did offer to throw away Karin’s empty bottle, though.
Karin looked out the window at the lights that she passed by. They passed by in quick blurs. The sky was dark and starless beyond the buildings.
All of a sudden, without anyone else next to her in the backseat, Karin started to feel dreadfully alone. That lightheadedness was still present, but it didn’t stop her thoughts from hijacking her head. She might have been legally drunk, but her thoughts were quite sobering.
She was an adult now. She had to deal with these kinds of things now. She would feel like this many times in the future. As she told herself these things, only one thought stayed in her head.
Thank the gods she wasn’t walking home alone that night.
Karin thanked the driver with a smile and a deep bow. He nodded his head back and drove off. He probably didn’t understand how thankful Karin was when he said little. He didn’t know his presence was keeping Karin sane.
She lived on the fifteenth floor, the top of the apartment complex. The elevator ride up was long and lonely. She walked up to her door and opened it, bottle still in hand. No one greeted her. She didn’t say anything as she took off her shoes.
The apartment was dark. Karin didn’t care to turn all the lights on. In the darkness maybe she wouldn’t be sure if no one was there. She sat down on the couch in her living room.
This was what being an adult was like, huh? Working, eating dinner with coworkers, then coming home to an empty apartment. Karin realized that this would be what she would do for many years to come.
No wonder people drank after work, Karin thought. She looked at the bottle in her hand. She wasn’t feeling like she was floating anymore. No, that lightheadedness had come down and reality crashed into her like a truck.
Maybe there was a way to fix that.
The only present Karin actually received on her birthday was the liquor from her coworkers. She might as well make use of that present.
She went to her kitchen and grabbed a glass and poured the cheap sake into it. Her senior model told her she should warm it up so it tastes better, but Karin didn’t care. She looked at the clear liquid in the glass and downed it. It didn’t do the job immediately so she poured another.
Back before she was in her third year in high school, Karin was alone most nights. Then when Emma, her best friend, came into her life, she didn’t spend many nights alone. Maybe she had gotten attached to those nighttime visits.
They used to clean Karin’s room together, and look at magazines about idols, and lay down in the same bed. Karin had someone to talk to whenever she felt down, and Emma never failed to comfort her.
Now Emma was in Switzerland, and Karin wasn’t living in the dorms, and everyone else was moving on with their own lives. No one could give Karin what she had grown so used to.
Maybe that was all a part of becoming an adult. Growing apart from others. Missing the people you rarely saw or talked to. Wanting to go back to those moments from the past.
Karin looked at her full glass. Maybe it would stop her from thinking so hard. Emma’s warm embrace used to do the trick. Maybe the warmth she felt from drinking would as well.
She gulped it all down. At least the taste wasn’t awful anymore. She started feeling like she was floating again. Another glass.
A knock came at the door. Karin stumbled over. She put her face to the door and looked through the peephole.
Kasumi.
Karin opened the door before Kasumi could knock again.
“I’m here, don’t ask any questions,” Kasumi said.
Instead of a question, Karin wrapped her arms around Kasumi, who froze up at the contact. Thank the gods someone was here.
Of course it was the person that Karin had to stop thinking about in the future. She needed to bury those feelings from the past. Thoughts of romance would only distract her from her job. Karin didn’t care enough to stop hugging Kasumi, though.
Kasumi scrunched up her face and asked, “A-Are you drunk?”
“Maybe. What’s it to you?” Karin let go of Kasumi. “I’m an adult now. I can drink.”
“Just because you can do it legally doesn’t make you an adult.” Kasumi looked past Karin and wondered why it was so dark inside, but didn’t say anything. Instead, she walked inside and turned on a couple of lights.
Kasumi saw the bottle of sake and the empty glass next to it in the kitchen. She glanced back at Karin, who stumbled back inside and shut the door.
“I am an adult!” Karin walked to the kitchen and poured another glass. “Look. I can drink. I’m working full-time. I have my own apartment.”
After taking a long drink, Karin looked around.
“My own apartment. All alone.” Karin looked back at Kasumi, who seemed worried. “Can’t you tell how much of an adult I am?”
“If you think that makes you an adult, you’re more of a kid than I am.”
“Yeah? Don’t you know how much I had to give up just to grow up?” Karin glared at Kasumi. “You wouldn’t get it. You’re still in high school.”
Kasumi glared back and said, “I understand giving up being an idol. You explained that to all of us already. What else?”
“I mean, I spent my birthday pretty much alone. Maybe I shouldn’t have expected anything from my friends , but a single visit would have been nice. I guess being all alone is normal when you grow up.”
Karin didn’t really think about what she was saying. The alcohol had dulled her mind. All she knew was that she was upset.
“What do you think I’m doing now?” Karin couldn’t come up with a good answer. Kasumi continued, “I’m here to visit you. We all still care about you. So don’t give me that garbage.”
Clinging to anything at this point, Karin said, “Well the only present I got was that bottle. And maybe that’s all I needed.”
“I guess you don’t want your presents, then.” Karin’s eyes widened. “Yeah. That’s also why I’m here, idiot.”
Karin watched as Kasumi walked back to the front door. She had placed the presents to the side of Karin’s door. Kasumi came back with many bags. Karin placed the glass of liquor, still half-empty, on her counter.
“Do you even want them?” Kasumi asked. Karin nodded. “Alright, Miss Grown-up.”
There were gifts from everyone. Yuu gave her a picture album of Karin performing as an idol. A dark blue handknit scarf from Ayumu. Ai gave her a coffee mug with a terrible pun on it. A guide on how to read digital maps from Rina. From Setsuna, a manga about makeup and fashion. In the same vein, Shizuku gave her a book about characters growing up. Kanata gave Karin a comfy blanket she could use on the couch. Shioriko gave her a magnetic calendar to stick on her fridge.
As she went through all the gifts, tears started flowing. Karin sobbed loudly, and Kasumi patted her back to comfort her.
Kasumi’s gift was something she called “healthy koppepan .” The bread was filled with Karin’s favorite roasted veggies and topped with an egg. Karin laughed at the gift and said she’d eat it in the morning.
“One more,” Kasumi said, before pulling something out of the last bag.
The other gift was a collage of a bunch of pictures of Kasumi. On further inspection, Karin realized that she was in frame for all the pictures. Kasumi explained that it was every picture of them together.
“This one is just a selfie with me in the corner.” Kasumi looked at the picture and smiled.
“We’re both in it. Am I wrong?” Karin couldn’t argue with that reasoning.
As she looked at the pictures of the two of them, those feelings Karin had been trying to bury for the past few months resurfaced. She loved Kasumi. She had wanted to give that love up after she graduated, but if Kasumi did this kind of thing, Karin couldn’t help but love her.
“We all still care. So don’t just leave us,” Kasumi said.
Somehow, the words from her producer came back to mind.
“But, I hope that… even if you keep moving forward, you won’t forget us.”
Karin cried harder than she had ever before. Kasumi hugged her and comforted Karin with her words and her warmth.
When she finally was able to speak, Karin said, “I… don’t want to be alone tonight. Is that okay?” Kasumi just hummed and tightened her embrace. “Thank you… Kasumi-chan.”
They went to the bathroom together. Kasumi helped Karin clean off her makeup. Then Kasumi cleaned her own face.
Kasumi had packed some clothes in advance, as if she knew she’d be staying over. Karin was ever grateful that Kasumi was in her life. Even if she had officially become an adult… Kasumi was still there.
Neither of them said much as they laid down in the same bed. Karin was still tipsy, but she was more tired than drunk at that point. Who knew crying could take so much energy out of her?
Karin scooted closer to Kasumi, and looked her in the eyes, and said, “I’ve missed you.”
“Still drunk, huh? I’ll believe you in the morning.” Kasumi grinned as if she was joking as she always did. Karin shook her head and reached for Kasumi’s hand.
“No, you have no idea. Out of everyone I’ve missed you the most.” Kasumi froze.
“Do you mean that?” she asked. Normally Karin would wonder if it was okay to be honest about her feelings. But, in that small zone between drunk and sober, Karin figured she had nothing to lose.
“I do.” Karin’s hand went to Kasumi’s cheek. She rubbed her thumb back and forth. “My cute Kasumin.”
“ My .” The word made Kasumi’s face burn up. She placed her hand on Karin’s.
“I have one last gift for you, Karin-senpai. Close your eyes.”
Karin froze. She shouldn’t expect anything from Kasumi, she told herself. She couldn’t assume anything about Kasumi’s feelings.
But… what if?
With her eyes closed, Karin was filled with anticipation. She could hear Kasumi shuffle around under the sheets.
Then she felt something warm and wet against her cheek. Her eyes shot open. Kasumi was still leaning over her. Kasumi came back down and saw Karin looking.
“I-I said close your eyes! Anyway… don’t think too much about that. I just thought you needed it. Goodnight.” Instead of saying anything back, Karin moved.
Karin said she’d give up her feelings for Kasumi after she graduated. She had held herself back thinking about how they’d grow apart as soon as Karin moved away. She prioritized work over her own feelings.
But, with Kasumi laying next to her, Karin decided that she wouldn’t give up her love.
Karin leaned in. She closed her eyes. Kasumi didn’t move. Their lips touched. It was so much better than the feeling of drunkenness.
After Karin backed away, Kasumi said, “Y-You idiot. Doing this while drunk.” Karin ignored those words.
“I love—”
“Nope. Nuh uh.” Kasumi shook her head and rolled over. “I won’t believe anything you say until you’re sober.” Karin smiled.
“I’ll go to sleep then. See you in the morning.” Karin closed her eyes.
Almost instantly, Karin fell asleep. As soon as Kasumi started hearing Karin’s breathing become steady and light, she turned back around. She watched Karin sleep for a little then leaned forward.
Karin didn’t know it, but she received another birthday present from Kasumi that night. Maybe her lips would remember the sensation when she woke up.
“Happy birthday, Karin-senpai. I love you, too.”