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Ace had learned a lot ever since he'd arrived at Akademia for the first time; more specifically, ever since he'd begun visiting the chocobos at the school's ranch. From being a casual appreciator to the majestic yellow birds to possessing enough knowledge about them that it bordered on annoying (according to Sice, anyway), he had so far enjoyed every step of becoming more knowledgeable about his favorite fowl.
He wondered now- did anyone in Class Zero notice the steadily increasing amount of time he'd devote to being at the ranch? He doubted it. While they were his comrades in arms, his figurative brothers and sisters, there never had been that layer of a sibling-like relationship where they'd become that intrusive with each others' lives.
But they'd have had to notice the increase in visits once Ace had met Izana- for the increase was sharp. The two would often talk for what felt like a few minutes, but Ace would always be shocked at how many hours had passed once he got home.
At first, their talks were lighter fare. Izana mentioned his tumultuous relationship with his brother at first, explaining a type of sibling relationship that Ace was unfamiliar with, and wasn't so sure he could understand. This must have been what it was like to have biological siblings... or so he assumed.
But as the ice was broken, and the two became more comfortable with one another, their talks became deeper and more personal; Ace didn't divulge any information that Dr. al-Rashia had specifically told him not to, of course, but… he felt that the relationship he was building with Izana was special. It was unlike anything he'd ever felt for anyone else. He would consider himself close to some of his comrades- Deuce and Cinque came to mind when he thought of that- but even the rapports he'd built with them didn't feel quite like this.
And then… as time continued on, Ace wondered where exactly this was going. Was there a point where he should consider them as something other than friends? Had that point already passed?
He'd think about it later, for tonight, the air was tense. This was the last night before Ace's first official mission for Akademia. The mission that he'd asked Izana to accompany him on. Of course, the danger of not returning from a mission was always looming overhead, but the fact that both would be out on the same mission… of course the plan was to protect one another, but if they couldn't do that… if one returned without the other…
Ace decided he wouldn't think of that.
"Is something wrong? You got really quiet all of a sudden," Izana noted.
The two men were at the chocobo ranch, as usual- but it was late now, so things were quiet. They were seated beside Izana's chocobo, Chichiri- he'd just told Ace not long ago that his brother had come up with the name, which had prompted him to go check on him. And so that had evolved into where they were now, reclining into the bird's soft, warm plumage.
"Did I? I guess I was caught up in my thoughts for a moment," Ace replied, folding his hands in his lap. "Sorry."
"No need to apologize. I think it'd be impossible to not get caught up in your thoughts, with tomorrow being… everything that it is."
So it was on Izana's mind, as well.
"What are we going to do?" asked Ace. "I don't regret taking on the duties I possess, and something tells me that you don't either. But at the same time-"
"-these were promises and duties made before we had each other," finished Izana. "And of course I worry about my brother constantly. But I also know that I'll never be assigned to a mission with him, and so, there will never be the possibility of me having to keep him alive."
"Was it a bad idea for me to request you for this mission, then?"
This got a dry smile from Izana. "Absolutely not."
And Ace couldn't bring himself to argue this any further, because he wouldn't want things any other way either.
"But if, by some grace of Etro, one of us doesn't make it back…" Izana continued.
"Well, that won't be a problem, will it?" Ace was confused now. "The crystal erases our memories of the deceased specifically for that reason, right?"
"Mmm…" Izana stretched, his arms over his head. "Yeah. But just because the memories are gone, I don't think it means the emotions behind the memories are. And that's what I'm getting at. If one of us may fall in battle, I want the emotion to be this. I know loss is painful, and overwhelming… but that's not what I want to feel, and I'm sure you don't either. I just want to remember being here, with you."
"Right. And I agree. But is there any way to guarantee that?" Ace asked then.
"Honestly… it would probably be impossible to tell without losing someone. Maybe we should make the most of now, rather than worrying about the future."
Ace sighed softly, as he and Izana's hands intertwined between them, on the ground. It was so much… so much that it felt like the only option was to face it later.
"I think that… that even if this was it for me, that I didn't make it past tomorrow…" Izana said after a silence. "Well, I can't say my life was fulfilled, but at least I got the chance to do this much in 21 years. I've traveled the world… and I've experienced what it's like to love someone."
Ace opened his mouth, wanting to speak but not finding the words. Was it love? He couldn't find any reasons why it wouldn't be, obviously. But he wasn't sure of the criteria to make sure it was, either. He was fond of Izana. He enjoyed all the time he spent with him; looked forward to it, even. Missed him when it was over. But wasn't love an intense emotion? Surely there would be more to it than this?
"I've gone and stepped in it, haven't I?" Izana said then.
"No! No, it's just that… I don't know how to respond."
Then again, though, if today was his last day among the living… could Ace really afford to be so particular about these things? Wasn't his fondness for Izana enough?
As he leaned onto the dark-haired man's shoulder, closing his eyes in serenity (and Izana resting his head on Ace's, as well) he decided that indeed, it was. Maybe love wasn't one specific thing that met a specified set of criteria in an exact way. Love could be what was portrayed in movies and TV shows, yes, but that didn't mean it couldn't also be two boys resting on a chocobo, holding hands for the first time.