Chapter Text
Zoro growled in annoyance as he marched his way back to his room. Any servant that was in the halls as he passed quickly ducked into a side room so as to not be the target of his foul mood. As he reached the ornate doors he didn't even pause to open them like a decent human being, he swung his foot out and kicked them open. They swung in almost violently with a loud crack and they swung back closed after he stepped through.
"Well that was overly dramatic" Nami commented as she watched her friend pace the room, his face twisted in an ugly scowl "let me guess, another blind date courtesy of your parents?".
"Why can't they get it through their thick heads when I tell them no!" Zoro barked, throwing his hands up in the air in frustration since there was a lack of things to take said frustration out on.
"You know they won't stop trying to marry you off unless you get married or they die" she commented from her reclined position on his bed "it's the same with mine, they want to secure the kingdom with a political marriage and expand their range of influence".
"I just want to be left alone to continue my training" he groaned and dropped into a chair "why couldn't I have been born a soldier's kid or something?".
"Because life sucks that's why" Nami said dryly as she studied her nails "you want to live alone and die alone and I want to do unspeakable things with one of the maids but we can't exactly do that now can we?".
"Like you said, once they die it won't matter what we do" Zoro shrugged "just gotta wait them out long enough for nature to take its course".
"You really want to fight your parents for however many more years they may live?" She raised a derisive eyebrow.
"What the hell else am I supposed to do? Marry some money grubbing power hungry inbred?" Zoro snorted in annoyance "I think I'd rather lick the back end of a mule".
Nami rolled her eyes and sighed, sitting up and adjusting herself so she stared Zoro in the eyes "no you moron, you fake a marriage".
Zoro blinked in surprise and confusion "fake a marriage? What the hell kind of plants have you been sniffing?".
"Ugh, men" Nami growled and hopped off the bed. She marched over to him and knocked on his head "hellooo is there a brain cell left in this empty space?".
"Would you knock it off" he growled, swiping at her hand "just tell me what kind of scheme you're concocting now".
"I'm saying marry me you dung for brains" Nami snapped in annoyance "we marry each other, make our parents "happy", and they leave us alone so we can do as we like; they get the political marriage they want and we get the freedom to do as we please without being pestered".
"Nice plan but there's a big flaw, we aren't going to screw so how do you propose we end up having children?" Zoro scowled.
"We tell them I'm infertile or something and we just adopt some random orphan baby" she shrugged "it's not like either of them would risk a war over something like us not having kids, plus if we pick a random peasant kid with no family then neither of our families will have more power than the other because of blood or whatever. My brains, your brawn, it's the perfect combination".
"What if they ask why we suddenly want to marry each other? We've told them since we were kids we were never going to marry each other" Zoro huffed but was not wholly against the idea.
"We just tell them we had time to think about it" she shrugged "we're older now, we've spent time together, yada yada".
"So you would really marry me just so you can fool around with the maids" Zoro said with a raised skeptical eyebrow.
Nami shrugged again "hey it's a beneficial alliance that not only gives us what we want but also helps our kingdoms, mine with our wealth and yours with your strong military".
"You just want to use me as a barrier between you and perverted old men" Zoro snorted.
"What can I say?" Nami shrugged, not even trying to act innocent.
Zoro sat there and thought about it. It was hard for him to refute Nami's idea, there was very little that could go wrong with it that he could see, everyone benefited and the best part was he wouldn't be stuck with some annoying nagging woman who wouldn't leave him alone.
He tsked and eyed her "so when do we tell our parents?".
Nami grinned like the cat that got the canary and said "leave that to me". She headed for the door, looking like a predator on the prowl. Zoro really hoped this wasn't going to come back to bite him in the ass.