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Sophie loved the country. She loved the breeze in her hair and the sun on her face. She particularly loved the country in the winter. When the fields behind My Cottage were blanketed in thick white snow. When the lake froze over and the chill seeped into her bones.
But she mostly loved her life in the country when the house was full. They had agreed that this year they would host Christmas, so the entire family had come down from their respective homes and filled the much to large house with love and laughter.
Sophie had been talking with Eloise and Francesca when Edmund Bridgerton had run over and started pulling on her hands, “Come on Aunt Sophie! Come on.”
Sophie giggled at the future Viscount’s enthusiasm, “Where are we going, Ed?” she asked calmly.
“You have to help me build a snowman. Aunt Hyacinth says she’s too cold to stay out any longer.”
Sophie smiled at Edmund, whose cheeks were rosy from the cold and hazard a glance at Hyacinth who had just come through the door, “My hands are like icicles.”
“Coward.” Edmund muttered under his breath.
“Edmund Bridgerton!” Kate scolded.
“Sorry mama,” Edmund mumbled, looking down sheepishly at his shoes. “Will you come outside with me Aunt Sophie! I bet your snowmen are amazing!”
Sophie chuckled at the eagerness in the young boys’ eyes and didn’t have the heart to refuse him. “Alright, why don’t you go sit by the fire and warm up for a moment while I go get changed for outside.”
Edmund smiled happily and dashed off. “You don’t have to go outside, Sophie. Edmund was already out there long enough as it is.”
“It’s alright. I don’t mind. I quite like being outside in the snow.”
Kate shook her head, “I swear you and Edmund are two peas in a pod when it comes to cold weather.” Sophie giggled at the look of disgust on Kate’s face.
After a quick-change Sophie came downstairs and walked over to Benedict, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“I’m going outside with Edmund to build a snowman,” she began, fixing her glove on her hand. “Would you like to come with?”
Benedict frowned his disapproval, “It’s too cold out there for me.”
“SEE!” Hyacinth shrieked, from her spot near the fireplace.
“Coward,” she smirked, bending to give him one more kiss.
“You wouldn’t mind taking Miles with you, would you?” Anthony asked.
Sophie shook her head, “I don’t mind at all.” She turned to Edmund, “You wouldn’t mind if we took your brother, would you?”
Edmund shook his head and tugged on Sophie’s hand, “I don’t care, Aunt Sophie. Let’s just go!”
“Alright, alright.” Sophie helped Miles get his coat on and turned to Benedict, “If Charles wakes up from his nap before we’re back in, will you bring him to us?”
Benedict gave her a firm nod, “Of course.”
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“Well, I happen to think that is a mighty fine snowman!” Sophie declared.
Edmund nodded in agreement, “The Winter Guardian of the Lake!”
Edmund had insisted that they build the snowman by the lake so that he could guard it through the winter. Sophie smiled at the young boys’ imagination and agreed whole heartedly that the lake needed a winter guardian.
“Um, Auntie Sophie?” Miles asked sweetly.
“Yes sweetheart?”
“The Winter Guardian needs arms,” he stated, quite plainly. “He can’t defend the lake if he doesn’t have arms to hold his sword.”
“Well, I do believe you are right, Miles.”
“I’ll go get branches!” Edmund declared. But before he could get to far Sophie reached out and grabbed his arm.
“No, no. Some of the branches hang over the lake; there might be ice. I don’t want you boys to slip. I’ll go.”
And with that she set off closer to the lakes edge where the branches of the tree over hanged. She took her steps carefully, making sure she didn’t accidentally step on any ice. Some of the branches had little icicles hanging from the rain they had the night before the snow fell and Sophie brushed those off first before snapping one of the branches and dropping it into the snow. She reached again for another branch and when she did, she heard a sickening crunch beneath her feet.
“Oh, no.”
“Aunt Sophie?” Edmund asked timidly. The boys must have heard the sound as well.
“It’s alright, sweetheart. Everything’s fine.” She turned then, slowly to her right.
Another crack.
This time louder than the first and her heart raced. She knew now for certain if she moved another inch the ice beneath her feet would give way and she’d fall into the freezing water.
“Boys! Listen to me. I need you to run back to the house and get Uncle Benedict. Tell him I need him to come to the lake as quick as he can.”
“Auntie Sophie, I don’t think we should leave you.” Miles protested.
“It’s alright, sweetheart. I’ll be fine. Just go get Uncle Benedict.” Sophie tried to keep her voice calm, scaring either of the boys wouldn’t do them any good.
“You stay with, Aunt Sophie, Miles. I’ll go get Uncle Benedict and Papa.” Edmund volunteered and as soon as Sophie saw him vanish out of eye sight, the ice beneath her feet groaned painfully and gave way.
“AUNTIE SOPHIE!”
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Hyacinth moved away from her place by the fire and sat down next to Colin on the sofa. “Warm enough now, are you?”
Hyacinth gave him a piercing look and stole a biscuit off his plate, “Shut up!” she scolded.
“Are you sure you don’t want to head out with us, Hyacinth?” Benedict asked as he helped Charlie get his coat on.
“I’d rather not, thanks.”
“Suit yourself,” Francesca called. “I’m sure your snowman would pale in comparison to mine anyway.”
“Oh, please!”
“Francesca, don’t tease your sister.” Violet warned. Hyacinth stuck her tongue out at her elder sister. “That goes for you as well, Hyacinth.”
“Can we go now, papa?!” Charlie asked excitedly, now that his coat was on.
“Of course, we can, Charlie boy.” Benedict headed out with Charlie as Anthony, Kate, Francesca and Eloise come out behind him.
“UNCLE BENEDICT! PAPA!”
Anthony reached his arm out and stopped his son who came hurdling towards him looking scared and out of breath, “Whoa, Edmund! What happened?”
Edmund shook his head, fear in his eyes, “It’s Aunt Sophie!”
“What about Sophie?” Benedict asked, his voice suddenly stern.
“We were building a snowman. Aunt Sophie went to go get the branches for the arms and then there was a loud noise. She told me to come get you. She was on the lake, Papa.”
Anthony’s eyes moved from his son to his brother and watched as the light in his eyes was replaced by fear, “Where is Miles?”
“He stayed with Aunt Sophie.”
“Oh good, god.” Anthony muttered under his breath.
“Kate, take Charlie and Edmund back into the house.” Benedict ordered.
“But Papa!” Both boys protested at once.
“No arguing boys. Go back inside right now!” And with that both Benedict and Anthony took off running towards the lake.
_______________
As they approached the lake Anthony saw Miles close to the edge and his heart beat faster in fear, “MILES! Get away from there right now!”
Miles’ bottom lip was trembling, “But Auntie Sophie fell in, papa. She hasn’t come up yet.”
“Oh, god,” Benedict whispered. He immediately took of his shoes and his jacket and without thinking sunk into the water where the hole was from when Sophie fell in.
“Is Auntie Sophie going to be OK, papa?”
Anthony took his youngest son into his arms and held him tightly. “I hope so, son. Uncle Benedict will get her out.”
Anthony stood there by the lakes edge in terror for what felt like an eternity before he heard Colin and Eloise run up next to him, “Anthony what happened?”
“Sophie fell in. Benedict’s in there now.”
“How long has he been in there?”
Anthony shook his head, “Too long.”
“God.” Colin whispered under his breath. A moment later Benedict came crashing through the surface of the water; a lifeless Sophie in his arms.
Colin rushed forward to help pull them out just as Anthony heard Eloise gasp next to him. He handed Miles over to her and rushed forward to help Colin. Colin grabbed Sophie first and laid her out on the snow before grabbing Benedict’s hand and pulling him out as well.
“Eloise,” Anthony ordered. “Run back to the house and call for the doctor. Have the maids light a fire in their room now!”
Eloise nodded and without a word ran back to the house with Miles.
“She’s not breathing,” Benedict whispered shakily. He could barely contain the tremors in his body, the water had been so cold. So very cold. He moved forward as well as his frozen limbs would let him and started doing mouth to mouth.
“Come on, my love. Breathe for me. Just breathe for me.”
Colin looked over at Anthony who couldn’t take his eyes off of Sophie. Apart from his father he had never seen someone look so lifeless and his heart ached for his brother. Her skin was far to pale and her lips were blue. And they had no exact time frame for how long she was in the water. He had a horrible sinking feeling in his chest that his brother was about to lose his wife and he couldn’t even fathom the amount of pain Benedict would be in if that were to happen.
“Come on, darling. Just breathe.” Benedict pleaded, breathing air into Sophie’s lungs. “Breathe for me.” Benedict continued to press on her chest and breathe into her mouth hoping and praying that he hadn’t lost her.
He couldn’t lose her. It would destroy him. He knew it would. But he was far to determined and far to cold to think about anything other then getting her to breathe.
A few moments later Sophie coughed up the water that was in her lungs but she didn’t stir. And Benedict felt his heart sink.
“We need to get her in the house. Get her warm.” Colin suggested.
Benedict nodded and went to lift her, “It’s alright brother. I got her.” Anthony suggested. Benedict nodded once more and let his eldest brother lift his wife into his arms.
Colin shrugged off his coat and wrapped it around Benedict’s shoulders, “Let’s get you into the house as well.”
_______________
Once Eloise had gotten back to the house she had done exactly as Anthony had instructed her to. The maids lit a fire in Benedict and Sophie’s room and started heating water for a hot bath. And then instructed her mother to call for a doctor.
The boys came back into the house about fifteen minutes after she did. She had taken one look at Sophie and her heart filled with dread. She was far to pale and her lips were blue. Benedict didn’t look much better than she did, though he was standing on his own two feet.
“We need to get them out of their wet clothes,” Francesca had said. Colin nodded and moved to help Benedict while Violet moved to help Sophie.
Sometime later and much arguing from Benedict Eloise had convinced him to take a warm bath and change his clothes. Violet had instructed that instead of a bath for Sophie that some hot water be brought up with some cloths. If they warmed her to quickly, that could do more harm than good. So now that she was changed and placed into bed the only thing they could do was wait for the doctor.
Benedict sat at her bedside, a blanket over his shoulders, her lifeless hand in his. He refused to be moved from her side. Eloise’s heart broke for her brother. She knew just how much he loved Sophie. Everyone in their family did. But she knew that if Benedict were to lose her, he would lose himself. And they in turn would lose him.
_______________
The doctor had arrived an hour later and examined Sophie quickly. Her skin was still pale and her breathing was to shallow for his liking. “Without knowing exactly how long Mrs. Bridgerton was in the water, there’s no real way to tell the extent of the damage. But her breathing is very shallow, which is a cause for concern. I’ll check on her every half hour or so to monitor her breathing. But I’m afraid we might not know anything for some time.”
Violet thanked the doctor and showed him to a room she had made up for him.
“Is there anything I can get for you brother?” Colin asked. But Benedict didn’t respond. How could he? There was nothing he could say of any significance.
Several hours had passed and there was still no change. The doctor continued to get more worried for Sophie’s health and had insisted on transporting her to the hospital. Benedict had refused. He knew that if Sophie were to die, she would much rather die surrounded by those who loved her in her own home, then in a hospital surrounded by those who didn’t know her.
“Mr. Bridgerton- “the doctor had argued.
“My wife will remain here. You will treat her here in her home.”
The doctor sighed but nodded, “Very well.”
_______________
Benedict refused to be moved from her side, despite the insistence from his family. Instead, he sat by her side for days, holding her hand to his cheek.
“Benedict, you should eat something.” Hyacinth stated.
“I’m not hungry.”
“You really should rest, Benedict.” Francesca spoke kindly. “Go lay down for a while. I can stay with Sophie.”
“I won’t leave her. Not now.”
Francesca had looked to her mother whose eyes were brimming with tears. Violet wiped them away quickly before nodding for Francesca and Hyacinth to leave the room.
“Benedict…. Darling-”
“Please… please don’t.” His voice was weak, far away. And Violet’s heart broke for her son. She knew what it was like to lose the one you loved and she didn’t wish that sort of pain for any of her children. “I can’t leave her.”
Violet’s eyes closed as tears fell down her cheeks, “There hasn’t been a change these past few days, my dear.” Violet didn’t want to be the one to break his heart, she knew it was already broken. But if Sophie didn’t pull through soon, she knew that the poor dear never would. And she wanted to shield her son from that heart ache before it happened. “We should… we should prepare things. Just in case.”
Benedict felt a sob tear through his body before he was able to stop it. He was a grown man sobbing in front of his mother. He knew he was much too old for that now but he couldn’t help himself.
“I can’t do that, mama.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” Violet’s heart broke, it had been such a very long time since Benedict had called her mama. “No one is ever ready for something like this, dear. But sometimes in one’s life we are tested in our strength and our character. And your strength and character are being tested now. And you need to be present for your sons. Charles and Alexander need you.”
Benedict closed his eyes and kissed Sophie’s hand. He knew that if he were to lose her, he’d lose himself. He’d become a ghost along with her and a ghost was no fit thing to raise children.
“May I have a minute?”
Violet kissed the top of his head, “Of course, dear.” And let the door close gently behind her on her way out.
Taking a deep shaky breath Benedict forced it back out of his lung as he wiped the tears from his face. He held her left hand to his cheek and used his right hand to reach up and brush a lock of hair behind her ear.
“You look so peaceful, my darling. Like a storybook fairy.” She no longer looked blue but her skin was still pale as a ghost. “Have you left me? Is that’s what happened to us?”
She didn’t reply, he knew she wouldn’t. But he half hoped in vain that she would. That somehow her soul would hear his crying out for her and she’d come back to him.
“Perhaps, that’s what has happened. Perhaps your soul is already with god in heaven and your body has been left to me to say goodbye.” He felt another wave of tears crash over him and he held her hand to his cheek a little tighter. “I’m not ready to say good bye yet, my love. We’ve only had a few years together. That’s not nearly enough time. Though I suppose it is rather selfish of me, to want to keep you longer than I’m able. Can God blame me though? I love you too much to be parted from you.”
“You are everything to me, my darling. Everything. And some how not enough. I’m always going to want more. One more smile, one more laugh… just one more.” His voice broke off in a whisper and placed another gentle kiss to her hand. Sophie’s breath rasped painfully in the quiet of the room. “Tell me what to do, Sophie. Tell me how to fix this and I’ll do it.” He placed his hand over her chest and felt her slow heart beat beneath the palm of his hand.
“Let me breathe for you, my love.”
It was hard to believe that just a few days ago the two of them had been tangled up in the sheets of this very same bed; the morning before everyone arrived. Sophie had woken before the dawn as she always did and had woken him up not to long after with kisses to his neck.
“I am sleeping, woman.”
“Well, you should awaken then husband.”
“And why should I do that?”
“Because I am your wife and I require your attention.”
They made love three times that morning before the sun had even risen. He could still feel the way her warm body had arched into his as her head fell back in a silent scream. Her nails raking down his bare back, he hoped the scratches she left on his skin would become scars so he could keep a piece of her on him forever.
“You are my home darling,” he whispered. “Our cottage isn’t a home without you. It needs you in it. It needs your love and your laughter to make it brighter. So just keep breathing, love.”
A moment later there was a soft knock on the door, he turned his head to see Eloise and a very scared Charles clutched to her skirts. Their eldest son looking everywhere in the room but at his mother.
“Benedict,” she started hesitantly. “Charles would like to see his mother.”
Benedict nodded and turned so he could lift his son up. He placed him gently on the bed next to Sophie.
“Would you like me to bring in baby Alexander as well?”
Benedict shook his head, “No. What few memories he may have of her. I don’t want this to be one of them.”
Eloise nodded and left the room.
“Mama looks like a princess, Papa.”
“She does.”
Charlie nodded, “Like a storybook fairy from one of her stories.”
Benedict choked back a sob and kissed his son’s hair, “Do you want to go give mama a kiss, Charlie. I think it’s time we told mama goodnight.”
Charlie’s bottom lip quivered, “I don’t want to tell mama goodnight.”
“I know sweet boy. I don’t either. But we have to be brave for her, don’t we?” Charlie nodded. “Alright then, go on.”
Charlie moved up the bed, careful not to hurt his mother in any way and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. He laid his head down on her chest and gave her the biggest hug he could manage. “Goodnight, mama. I love you.”
Benedict let his son lay there for a moment. This would be the last time he saw his mother. And he wouldn’t rush his grief. Charlie sat up a few moments later and brushed at the tears on his face. Benedict lifted him up and held him in his arms as he cried. Suddenly he heard Sophie make a loud rasping noise, her body jerked and then went still.
“ELOISE!”
Eloise came running into the room.
“Take him, take him. Get the doctor!” Benedict handed over a crying Charles.
“Mama, mama!”
“Now, El. Get the doctor right now!” Benedict went to the bed and pulled Sophie into his arms, cradling her body to his chest. “Stay with me, my darling. Stay with me.” But he knew she wasn’t breathing. His body raked with sobs as he started to rock her gently. “Just stay with me.”
The doctor came into the room a moment later and it took both Anthony and Colin to pry her out of Benedict’s arms. “Give the doctor a moment, Benedict.”
He couldn’t hold himself up. He collapsed into Anthony and his brother held him as they fell to the ground together. Benedict arms went up over his head and behind him and held onto the back of his brother’s shirt, “Please, please.” He pleaded.
Colin turned his back to them and wiped the tears from his eyes as Francesca and Hyacinth came into the room with Violet all of them crying as well. Eloise stayed in the sitting room with Kate trying to comfort the boys.
The doctor examined Sophie and after a few moments of mouth to mouth he clenched his hand into a fist and rubbed his knuckles against Sophie’s chest, “Come on Mrs. Bridgerton. You’ve got some fight in you still. Come on.” He muttered to himself.
The silence in the room was defining and just when all hope had seemed to be sucked from the room Sophie gave a garbled breath and then her breathing evened out. After a few moments her eyes opened and she moaned.
“Soph?” Benedict called, he pushed himself up with Anthony’s help and went to her side.
“Ben…”
He smiled and kissed her because what else was he going to do?
“You’re alright, my love. I’m right here.”
She smiled up at him weakly, “I think I was close to heaven.” She mumbled, incoherently. “But I heard you…you and Charlie…. I couldn’t- “
“Shhh, my love. Rest now. We can talk more later.”
_______________
Sophie stood outside in the spring sunshine the warm breeze flowed through her hair and she felt calm. Benedict came up behind her a moment later and wrapped a blanket around her shoulders.
“I’m plenty warm.”
“Well, just in case.” He told her, placing a gentle kiss to her cheek.
“You know. We will have to get back into the water eventually.” She told him, gesturing in front of her to the lake with her chin.
“One day, perhaps. But not just yet.” His hands tightening around her. Sophie leaned her head back and rested it against his chest.
“No, perhaps not yet.”