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Slumber had tousled Mika Nonaka’s head of bright pink hair, in a way that she almost considered cute. In a morning ritual that after a few centuries was second nature for her, she carefully picked at her appearance in the mirror before even getting down to freshening herself up for the day. Head tilting one way, she paused and examined, then tilted in the opposite direction to do the same. Eyes of teal ruminated over that pale, youthful skin, as if it would be anything other than perfect. It was just that though, she soon judged, perfect and immaculate as ever, without a single natural flaw to speak of.
Given she was an eternally youthful succubus, it wasn’t exactly surprising to her.
A sigh slipped from her pink lips as she went about brushing her hair into its usual style. As much as she liked the ruffled bedhead she had accumulated, her mother would only bother her about it if she came downstairs in such a state. Her brush carefully slipped around her curved horns at the sides of her head, taking care to not knock into them. Not only did she not like the sensation of having her horns touched, but she was trying her best to not acknowledge them, to pretend that they didn’t exist at all. Even as she stared straight on into the bathroom mirror, she kept her eyes focused anywhere other than her hair and the pastel pink thorns sprouting above her pointed ears.
Those too, she did her best to avoid staring at.
Eventually though, while doing one last check of her hair, she had to glance at them. Her lips swiftly curled down in a frown as she leered at them, regrettably. Holding her hands up to the sides of her head, she tried to hide them in her reflection, but the effect was hardly convincing. Pursing her lips, she tore her attention away, otherwise she’d end up wanting to rip off the signs of her demon-hood in anger once again.
I look fine. I’m fine. It’s fine.
Internally chanting that to herself, she pulled herself from the bathroom and back through to her bedroom. She glanced at the full body mirror sitting in the corner of the room, which was currently covered by a blanket, as it usually was for most hours of the day. If she was going to dress properly for school though, then she’d need to pull the veil away.
Out of her two daily morning hurdles, she feared this one the most.
Before she got around to pulling off the blanket though, she very slowly, and deliberately put on her school uniform. She at least enjoyed doing that, so bringing the mirror into the equation before that would just spoil things. A smile rose to her lips as she slipped into the red and black tartan pattern school skirt she had come to love so much. The pale white school shirt had a comforting, clean aroma, with just a hint of last week’s fragrance clinging to it. Sighing, she pulled up her socks neatly, before tying up the ribbon underneath her collar. She wished this part of the routine would go on forever, if it meant she didn’t have to acknowledge everything she hated about herself, just to make sure she was ready for the day ahead.
But sooner than she’d like, that was done with. And she was left standing before the shrouded mirror, fists balled at her sides and her entire body tensed. As she reached out a quivering hand, she briskly whooshed away the cloth in one swoop, before it fell limp in her tense grasp.
As it had always been, her uniform looked pristine. If she could just render herself blind to the pink, heart tipped tail behind her, along with the horns and ears she had previously been forced to glare at, then she’d say she looked pretty cute. And she was sure that most people today would think she was as adorable as ever. After all, they couldn’t see what she could see. What they could see, is what she really wanted to be: Human.
Feeling anxious bile rising in her gut, she briskly tossed the sheet back over the mirror, caring little for how well it actually covered the reflection. She turned her back on it soon anyway, scooping her school bag up by the handle and slowly stepping out of her room and towards the descending stairs, eyes staring firmly forward, and a relentless chant reverberating through her thoughts.
It’s fine It’s fine It’s fine It’s fine Don’t look back It’s fine
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Her foster mother greeted her groomed presence with a loving smile, and her foster father greeted her with a friendly nod, and by pouring her some cranberry juice. Just barely having pulled herself together after enduring her own reflection, she smiled back as sweetly as she was expected to; any less would only worry them. She owed them too much already, without dumping her own existential worries on them.
She wasn’t sure they would be ready for the truth anyway.
“Good Morning!”
“Good Morning dear.”
“Did you sleep well?”
Slipping into her chair at the kitchen table, she took a quick sip of her juice. As she sat, her father slowly, rose and went about fixing up her breakfast. She didn’t bother arguing; she had tried to insist she could do it herself before, but her mother and father both were much too hospitable for their own good, even in their more advanced years.
“I… Yeah, I did! I slept really well.”
“Hmmm, you certainly look well rested. I’m glad~”
Mika smiled over to her mother and Mrs. Nonaka beamed back towards her. Such a genuine, loving look was something she was thankful for, but she soon could only worry about how fleeting that smile was. She often wondered what her parent’s reaction would be if her horns, her ears and her tail were visible. She wanted to believe that they would continue loving her and showering her with affection; past experience of such revelations though had since left scars inside of her that she could not easily forget.
She knew how simple it would be, to force them to continue loving her; it was within her power as a succubus, to influence the affections of others. She had done so before, however, and even now, decades later, the shroud of guilt hung over her head. Manipulating people put a bad taste in her mouth, even just thinking about it, one which she hoped breakfast would aid in muting.
In that moment, her father gently placed down a plate of toast, glazed with her mother’s homemade raspberry jam, right in front of her and she bowed her head in thanks before nibbling away. The tart jam was all too familiar to her, but she never tired of it, even after a couple of centuries. The fact that Mrs. Nonaka made it herself, added a little unique punch to it over the other varieties she had tried.
As she continued to eat, her guardians continued to chatter away to each other, which left her with her thoughts. The more she thought about the vast span of her life, the more she felt her body growing heavier, more fatigued, reminded suddenly of all the countless, lifetimes that extended far behind her. This life was just one of many, one that would inevitably be discarded, the more that taste she loved so much started to dull.
Memories of how this particular life had begun, flowed inside of her: of course, it all began with boredom, loneliness and eventually she found herself at an orphanage; her parents came looking to adopt and she managed to win them over without much effort; soon, she was welcomed into their home and she settled happily into the role of a teenage daughter. Years later, things were still as good as the day she had first moved in. But anxiety followed her wherever she went; there was no escaping her own self-loathing, even in a happy household, where she was loved, cherished even.
She tried not to dwell on it, but in the mornings her true nature stared at her square in the face and ignoring it was exceptionally difficult.
Forcing herself to take bite after bite, she continued to stare off into space, trying to clear her mind of any thoughts of eternity, of a life spent watching countless loved ones die, change or simply disappear. But the abyss was suffocating her thoughts and focusing on anything else was starting to seem futile.
Although, as her phone buzzed in her bag, her sole hope finally lifted her up from that mire. Quickly fishing it out from her bag, her heart swelled with relief as she saw the name attached to the notification:
Midori
A soft sigh flowed from her and the pale pink of her lips curled upwards into a joyful smile. In a burst of energy, she hoisted up her bag and briskly downed the rest of her juice. Her parents casually glanced over to her, halting their conversation as they expectantly waited.
“That’s Midori outside just now! Thanks for breakfast! I’ll see you both this afternoon!”
She rushed around the kitchen table, giving her parents a quick hug, which they returned along with understanding nods. Mornings had always played out this way over the years Mika had been living under their roof, they had no reason to suspect today would be different.
“Alright, have a good day at school!”
“Say hello to Midori for us, as per usual.”
Waving to them, she briskly walked off, towards the front door, with her bag slung over her shoulder. It wasn’t long before the warm sun was shining down upon her as she entered the front yard, and just outside the gate, stood Midori Higashi, her classmate, stretching in place while she waited.
Mika stood for a moment, just admiring her ‘friend’, from her athletic ponytail to her sun touched skin, her toned muscles, to her verdant green eyes. Mika’s thoughts of eternity, of everyone she had lost along the way, and the pain she felt when she saw herself in the mirror; seeing Midori made it all wash away. Any concerns about the distant future still lingered in the back of her mind, but she was able to mute them with the joy, the warmth that welled in her heart when she spent time with Midori.
One day they would have to part, one day things would change for the two of them.
But today wasn’t that day. Today was another day of school: they’d walk side by side, hand in hand, to the gates; they would attend classes in the morning, sitting side by side, giving each other an occasional, playful glance; they’d sneak off at lunchtime to sit together, under a tree, where they’d cuddle and talk as they ate; after school, she’d come along to Midori’s track practice, to cheer from the sidelines; after that, they’d then walk home together, and maybe Midori would stay over at her home, or she would stay over at Midori’s.
Perhaps, such a life was far too mundane for some demons, who preferred to do much greater things with their powers, but this was exactly the life she had wanted to live, the sort of life she found most fulfilling.
Midori suddenly spotted her, and a cheerful smile shone from her. After smiling back admiringly for a moment, she skipped forward and clutched Midori’s hand into her own, their fingers soon entwining with one another fondly. Just the mere feeling of skin-on-skin contact was like emotional medication.
They had held hands so many times by now, but each time felt so special. Everything about her world seemed to change, and the world where she was a succubus had just been a nightmare.
The world where she had to feed on the energy of humans to survive, the world where she would have to secretly absorb Midori’s energy as they held hands, the world where she had to do whatever she could to gather enough energy, for fear of not having enough to hide her demonic features, it was all just a despairful, dreadful, distant dream.
Whatever the reality was, whatever her bedroom mirror showed her, when she was with Midori, she felt like what she had always wanted to be: human.