Work Text:
I'm finding my way back to sanity again
Though I don't really know what I'm gonna do when I get there
I take a breath and hold on tight
Spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace
***
It’s been years. Miserable times since that terrible incident that inevitably ended in an even nastier separation between a boy who didn't want to lose something and another boy who just wanted to save himself.
***
Maybe it was because he lacked common sense, but honestly, emotions of that caliber put logic aside, so Kazutora began that secret relationship with Baji. No one knew about the two of them because Baji had asked him not to talk about it, in return Kazutora could do anything with him.
Sex with Baji was wild, at the same time It was a few quiet moments where he felt as comfortable as he ever had with anyone. Young, bold, and so fucking stupid that there was nothing that could leave him hoping for a bad ending, not this time.
Baji became his world, his land and his moon. As cheesy as it sounds, there wasn't a day he didn't think of him, the only one who could keep a glimmer of reason in his still-scarred mind. Sometimes he thought of the day when they could be like a normal couple and have that awkward scenario where Kazutora could meet Baji's mom. Unbeknownst to him, that was the exact opposite of what Baji was thinking, it was painfully clear, but blatantly ignored by Kazutora.
Apparently things were going well.
Still, the thought that Baji loved someone else more than he did never left his mind, whether it was Mikey, or that guy, Chifuyu Matsuno.
Kazutora hugged himself, hiding in the bathroom and sinking to the floor as he swung backwards and then forwards, trying to think of something, anything that could bring his mind back, but it was so fucking hard to breathe. It was so hard to think straight when a ghost from years before kept haunting him even now.
He opened his phone, shrugged and tried to type the right keys on the screen as best he could as a sob escaped his mouth and sent a "Help me" message.
For him, anxiety was debilitating. He'd turn everything off and usually, he bragged about how he'd be able to notice it before anything happened. His nails dug into his arms, pinching his skin as he inhaled sharply once, and exhaled just as quickly, hyperventilating on the floor.
His vision was beginning to blur, but he managed to be aware of a loud noise and the bathroom door opening. He was aware of a very gentle touch on his face and Baji's familiar gaze, his voice crowding his ears with a quiet rebuke. Kazutora's jaw twisted, his teeth gritted, but when Baji hugged him, telling he would be alright, his throat constricted and a sob ran through him. His hands were still digging into his skin, but something in his mind was begging him to lean into that touch again. He welcomed the embrace.
The truth is that he played the tough guy compared to when he was a kid, but he never changed completely. He’s still a weakling.
Suddenly Kazutora reversed their positions, pushing Baji against the wall and straddling his legs.
Perhaps he had totally lost his mind. Still, just because he realised it didn't mean he could stop himself from wanting to lose even that last glimmer of sanity, especially when he never felt better, never felt safer, as he tightened his fingers around Baji's throat, resting his lips against his. He could feel his breathing becoming more agitated and it was only when one of Baji's hands grabbed him by the wrist, Kazutora realised he was crossing the line.
“Kazutora, I’m here. We’ll do this together as always.”
And yet, this time too, he was smiling. He and Baji would be together forever.
It was a vague consolation, but still vivid in his heart.