Work Text:
Jaded adults says trust is the most important thing in a relationship to keep it strong through days, months, years, and decades—if possible, centuries or more. Anxious teens drew the idea of commitment as something that needed to be taken into account when deciding to go deeper to friendly relationships.
But for the two people faintly looking at each other, hearts closed to dropping when words aren't the ones that echoes, but their silent cries as they can feel the overwhelming feeling of hearts breaking in chorus; timing will always matter in any different aspect of loving someone.
Because having trust, and committing yourself to love is given, that's how love forms into something beautiful without the needs of the naked-eye to prove.
But timing? Timing is exceptionally tough to face as when it turns out wrong, things will be entirely different.
For example; them.
"You'll forget about me, hopefully." Eyes tracing the pattern carved on the wooden table where their favorite foods are placed and are all close to getting frozen, the familiar feeling of the chair as Hyunsuk leaned when he heard what Jihoon said made him realize that it was old and used enough as if the magical feeling it brings every dinner time disappears in a snap.
"What if I don't?" Hyunsuk calms himself down, slightly taking off his eyes on the cold chicken nuggets he cooked. "What if I don't want to?"
"Then it's all on you."
"Jihoon," he points himself, eyes looking at Jihoon as they grew wider, close to tearing up.
"I wasn't the one who brought myself flowers every fucking day," he slams the table enough to shake the utensils off, "or the one who ditches meetings just to be with me. I'm not the one who took care of myself when I was sick, and the one who genuinely supports me with my cooking. Hell, I'm not even the one who helped me when I almost died on that same fucking bridge!"
Hyunsuk pointed at him, lips quivering. "It's you. It's you, Jihoon."
The younger man taps his fingers on the table without causing any sound as he straightly looking at the man, looking so unbothered with the fact that his man is lashing out at him clearly in madness.
"Now tell me, how can I not fall for your shits when all this time I thought I already have somebody that treats me ever so right that I'd never thought it'll end up as disguised lies?"
Hyunsuk softly whispers, pain visibly drawing on his face as tries to convince Jihoon to say otherwise, and tell the truth that he was happy. That what the traumatic incident Hyunsuk was in is a blessing in disguise as the older guy found Jihoon in this small little town. He wanted to hear it himself.
That things aren't that painful as they seemed.
That maybe half of them was the truth.
So he asks, "When was the last time you lied to me?"
If the younger boy dares to open up his mouth, he knew he'll tear up. Jihoon knew, he will. And things aren't gonna end up like how he planned in his head, so he spoke,
"When I said that I love your chicken nuggets," eyes faintly gazes on the nuggets before scanning back the crumpled face of Hyunsuk, chuckling.
"But I never lied when I said I love you."
The end.
Jokes on you.
Stories don't usually end without life lessons written in different pages of the whole book, they're evenly made to make the readers cry with the balanced reality of happiness that sometimes considered as an understatement. Because in-love people find the word happiness itself as something listed on some understatements about the reality of loving that results happiness.
Because happiness is a feeling; maybe, it is meant to be described if you can.
But happiness for some people is ineffable enough, no words can be tied up with the feeling of being with someone who's utterly in love with all of you like it was theirs to enjoy.
For example; them.
Hyunsuk had always want to drop by the dynamic city of Busan, to have a breath of fresh air for his first visit and discover some new places for his travel bucket list to be checked. He would love it to be one of those trips he'd never regret.
But never did he ever wrote on his bucket list to be inside someone else's house, lying on an average bed of one person, comic-like walls around him in fours, and an unknown man looking at him ever so close as he blinks momentarily when he realize that Hyunsuk was awake.
"I thought you're dead, oh my gosh, I thought I brought someone on my bed just to watch you play dead for 12 fucking hours," the man might've thought he was thinking silently, but his thought were heard all over the place as Hyunsuk felt a little dizzy.
Hyunsuk blinks for 3 times and head resting on the soft pillow as he can feel the man panicking when he saw him moved.
"H-Hey, don't move yet. You look horrible, I think you got something that hit your head hard when you fell from the short cliff from the bridge." The unknown guy stood up, eyes looking to his side table as he figured to offer Hyunsuk water. "Here, water. If you don't drink now, I can guarantee that your physical wounds are all good, but you can die from dehydration."
The man on the bed got a little scared from the other man's words, so he reached for the offered glass of water and he quenches his thirst, not minding the heavy breathing of the worried man beside him.
"Are you feeling well now? Does your head hurts? Do you feel hungry? What do you want to eat? It's lunch, do you want som—"
"C-Can you slow down?" Hyunsuk failed to catch the man's word as he leans on the headboard, feeling a little dizzy still. "I'm fine... Thank you."
The tall man got back from his seat and heaved a sigh of relief when he heard Hyunsuk. "Good thing I saw you when I was strolling back. Did you slip from the bridge?"
It was an easy question. Hyunsuk knew he could answer that but he remained silent, eyes squinting in pain as he tries to remember how did he end up being in this situation. He went to busan just to fulfill some on his bucket list, right? Like one by one? He's not sure. But why?
"I'm... I can't really remember," the smaller guy leans his back against the headboard once again and closes his eyes firmly. "I think I just slipped."
The guy just nods slowly, but Hyunsuk can still feel the curiosity from him. He just shrugged it off, "I'm sorry for the inconvenience. I'll leave immediately, just let me have some time 'til the dizziness is gone—"
"No no, it's okay." The taller man smiled at him, and it was sweet enough that convinced Hyunsuk to smile back. "You can use it anytime. I'm always away for work, and I don't think you're harmless, so yeah, you can stay here for a while. By the way, did you commute to get here? You don't have any vehicle with you, and I think you're not from here too. But I got your baggage, it's in the living room."
Hyunsuk shook his head and said, "No. I'm from the main city. I can't really remember why am I here, my head still hurts."
"Oh," the guy nods sluggishly, "alright, then you can stay here until your dizziness comes off. I'm Jihoon, by the way. I own this small aparment."
Like any othe stories, or written works, introduction is a thing; it is the part where the characters' simple information is plastered.
"I'm Hyunsuk."
But sometimes, introductions aren't enough to introduce the characters one by one as the reader grew fonder of each and every one, writers will write them as flawed ones and their side stories along the way.
Hyunsuk was supposed to have his night spent in a hotel, comfy bed on the side, unblinding light coming from the dim lampshade, or peach cream colored walls but instead, hours of waiting to get his head healed turned to days at the same apartment complex, but different rooms.
It was refreshing if he may say.
"That's not how you eat a burrito!" Jihoon, the taller guy who's mouth getting all curled as he watches Hyunsuk eat a burrito in a disastrous way. "Hyung, really? Is that how city boys eat their burritos? Oh my gosh, I might get a heart attack—"
Jihoon felt a pillow on a face, it was thrown in a soft way. He looked over the older guy's face, cringing as he might. "I just don't want my hand go get dirtied. Plus, you're eating it in the right way but messier, Jihoon-ah."
"Nah-uh, burritos are to be eaten in a messy way." Hyunsuk learned how defensive Jihoon can be, even in small things.
"No, you're just messy. That's it. Now go and get back to your job, I'll clean all of these." Pertaining to the snacks they just had, Hyunsuk stood up slowly to keep from dizziness. He reached for the plates, and was about to place them on the sink when Jihoon pouts.
"I don't want to go back there, they'll just order me to get their coffees for no particular reason. Like, who the fuck would go and order to a clearly far place, order me to get their cheap coffees as if they're paying me or what." Jihoon rolls his eyes, remembering his co-workers at the office trying to order him around and he was so fed up for the day so he just want to ditch them.
Or did he really want it because he's fed up to something he always does everyday, or is it something else?
"Say, hyung," Jihoon took out a single daisy he got from his way home. "You went here for a vacation, right? Then let me tour you around for the rest of the day!"
Hyunsuk suspiciously looked at him, "Is this an excuse so I won't get mad at you for ditching your work?"
The younger guy shrugs, a pout still visible on his lips as it turns into a sweet smile.
"Maybe?"
He already got his plan for this day to tour his hyung around. Because he knew that anytime, he can send his hyung to the transportation and bid his goodbye so maybe, he could help him to at least, make Hyunsuk's trip a bit disastrous for his first time in his hometown.
Haha. Who knows?
"Do you even know how to use a digicam? Oooh~ Busan boy is not so good in adapting to technology, I see." Hyunsuk teases the guy who's brows are drew together as he examines the digicam Hyunsuk bought earlier with his money that luckily, didn't fall off his pants when he slipped from the bridge to the green bushes.
"I know how to use it!" He bashed, clicking the camera as it flashes in front of Hyunsuk, causing him to blink upon the flash. Jihoon laughed on that sight as he look on the camera, "See? Look, you look stupid."
"Delete it!" Before even snatching the digicam from Jihoon, the taller guy already has it in the air, towering up Hyunsuk whose brows are lined in frustration. Jihoon laughed loudly as Hyunsuk tries to reach and grab the camera but he just keeps on widening his grin as he steps backward, stomping on the white sand of the infamous beach.
"Yah!"
"No," he waves the camera in the air as the wind tracing their skins, Jihoon stopped his steps when he felt something dusty in his eyes, and that didn't go unnoticed by the smaller man as he smiles and jumping to snatch the camera—
only for his right hand to be grabbed by the taller guy, one eye closed, lips forming a smirk as his face is closer to Hyunsuk.
"You act stupid too, hyung. Is that a skill?"
It was enough to make Hyunsuk hold his breath for seconds when he realized how close their bodies are. His left hand on Jihoon's clothed-chest, right hand was held by the taller man, eyes widened while looking straight to the other's as their lips are close enough. Enough to let Jihoon hear how his heart go riot when he can feel the man's breathing.
"Don't look at me like that," Jihoon broke the awkward silence but still didn't let go of the other guy's hand. "I might think that you wanted to kiss me or what."
"And if I do?"
Oh no. Wrong move. Hyunsuk blurted out what he was thinking and automatically widened his eyes out of embarrassment. Wow, now he doesn't know how to face the man who just le—
His thoughts were interrupted when he felt something on his lips in a split-second, soft and plump ones touches his parted-lips out of mere shock with Jihoon's action.
But the other guy just jumps, let go of his right hand and run with a smile on his face.
"Lucky for you. I've always wanted to kiss a guy and run. Bye, hyung!" He was greeted with Jihoon's eyes smile, hand waving as he fastened his pace towards the sidewalk away from the beach. Hyunsuk was left there, feet glued on the sand, eyes trailing the faint back of the man who managed to go inside the cave without Hyunsuk.
It's already 6 pm. When he was in the city, in this time of the night he would probably get himself stress over the pending outlines and plates.
But being here for 2 weeks, living inside a small apartment next to Jihoon's, enjoying the life of countryside people; it was kind of healing.
It's already 6 pm, and his smile couldn't tear from his mouth as he walked inside the cave to see if Jihoon's trying to pull off some pranks to him once again.
"Come back here! You can't do that!" He runs towards the direction, and saw Jihoon laughing while he hides on the bar.
Healing, huh?
Weeks had passed. And Hyunsuk completely forgot (or he purposely did) his responsibilities from the main city. Jihoon said a month ago that he has nothing with him but his wallet, and even his phone was missing. So Hyunsuk figured, it is somehow destined so he could have his time for himself in the countryside without stressing over projects.
And well, he's now stressing over out on something else.
"Come on! She won't bite you!" Jihoon pulls the smaller guy from his side, ringing the doorbell as he held Hyunsuk's arm tightly if ever he consider running away from the elevated house.
"You know I'm not good at initiating conversations! What if she won't like me?" He held his red scarf, a little nervous from what impression he might give to Jihoon's sister. "Jihoon, I think this is a bad idea. I should've stayed at the apartment!"
Jihoon sighs, holding Hyunsuk's in both arms as he tries to convince the smaller guy. "She likes everyone, hyung. Calm down."
"And what if I become an exception?" Anxious Hyunsuk is the most difficult to deal with, and he can't even compare him to his superiors from his office. He's just too nervous on meeting his sister and mother, and Jihoon offers him enough assurance to feel a little at ease.
"Hyung," Jihoon held up Hyunsuk's chin and assured him. "I told her about you."
"And?"
"She said she hates anxious small guys."
"Jihoon!" He hits Jihoon's chest in chorus of the guy's laugh.
"But really, hyung," Jihoon pats Hyunsuk's head softly and smiles once again. "She likes everyone that I like."
Hyunsuk felt his ear did a click sound when he heard what Jihoon said. He squints his eyes onto Jihoon with his lips gets a little pouty. "So you like me?"
The taller guy didn't even budge, and grins at him. "I like everyone, hyung."
The latter stops tiptoeing and rolled his eyes at Jihoon. His actions earned a laugh from the taller guy as he hit Hyunsuk with his elbow softly. "Ask me if I love you."
It made Hyunsuk purse his lips. Love for him is common. It sounded so simple, from platonic to romantic love, Hyunsuk thought it is simple. But when Jihoon looked at him with his head tilting, brow rose as he smiled so meaningfully, he couldn't help but to ask:
"Do you?"
Jihoon let his eyes wander around the closed tussock door, lips pursing and eyes squinting as if he's thinking.
"Who wouldn't?"
"What?" Oh, please. Hyunsuk, how can you be so bad at hearing?
Jihoon shook his head, grinning before knocking at the door. "Nothing. Noona!"
It made Hyunsuk stiff. And his heart beats faster when he heard the small steps coming from the house as it approaches the door. When he heard the door clicked, his wide-eye gaze meets a tall woman's calm eyes, pinky lips smiling as her blonde hair sways 'cause of the wind coming from outside.
It was Jihoon's sister.
"Jihoon-ah!" A little reunion happened. The pretty woman hugs his brother tightly, "good thing you visited. Mom's waiting inside, and oh,"
Hyunsuk's posture straightened when the woman darted her gaze to him, confused but it changed as she figured who Hyunsuk was.
"Hyunsuk, right? Hi! I'm Jihoon's sister, Chaeyoung. You can call me noona since you're Ji's friend," Chaeyoung, Jihoon's sister lend her hand and smiled widely to the smaller guy. Jihoon watched Hyunsuk apprehensively took her hand and shook it. He silently laughed with Hyunsuk's expression only to receive a light punch from his sister.
"You're making him nervous! Hyunsuk, let's go?"
"Yah noona, I'm your brother." He sulks jokingly, crossing his arm when Chaeyoung put her hand over Hyunsuk's shoulder as they get inside the house.
"Yeah, and he's cuter than you." Chaeyoung smiles at Hyunsuk before rolling her eyes to his brother. Jihoon laughed on her remarks and unconsciously agreed, whispering.
"You're not wrong, though."
His sister didn't let that slip her hearing as she meaningfully smiled on her side. "Whipped much?"
Jihoon just shrugs, smiling.
But please, save Hyunsuk from being sandwich between two towering figures. He felt a little light now, and his nervousness got lessen when he heard what Jihoon's sister said.
Maybe it wasn't that bad at all to get out of the apartment for a while.
"Jihoon-ah—Oh, who is he?"
Maybe?
Hyunsuk felt his chest gets breathless when he heard a woman's voice from the kitchen. Their steps halts when they faced a woman in her 40's, shortened hair, smaller than him and for Hyunsuk, Jihoon got his tapioca eyes from her.
That means, she's Jihoon's mom.
Save Hyunsuk.
"He's Jihoon's 'friend', Mom," Chaeyoung side eyed her mom, as if she's trying to say something with her eyes. Their mom immediately get what her daughter meant to say, before gazing at the nervous man on her daughter's side.
Hyunsuk find the old woman intimidating, but when he saw her smiled at him ever so sweet as she held her hands up in the air as if she's trying to initiate a hug.
"I'm Jihoon's mom. Nice to finally meet you, Hyunsuk-ah."
Maybe it wasn't bad at all. Falling down from the short distance from the bridge and hitting his head on a tree.
Maybe it wasn't that bad.
Because if it didn't happen, he won't be here sitting beside a man that brought changes in his life in a month of escaping from his life in the main city, laughing on the book containing images taken from years ago.
"He's around 7 years old here," the old woman pointed on the small picture of a boy wearing a baseball uniform, looking at the camera with angry eyes. "They lost the game that time that's why he looked so upset. He even cried that time."
"Mom! You don't have to say that crying part. Oh my gosh, this is so embarassing I need water." Jihoon overeacts, earning a laugh from the both of them as they watch Jihoon run to the kitchen to get some water.
"He's really that dramatic, right?" Mrs. Park laughs over her son's antics which Hyunsuk agreed while laughing. The old woman stared at the smaller guy, and it didn't go unnoticed by Hyunsuk as he gulps in nervousness.
"I figured you'd know that. He got a great taste when it comes to men."
"What do you mean, Mrs. Park?" Confused, Hyunsuk asks with brows rose.
The old woman shrugs, her own tapioca-shaped eyes forms crescents like Jihoon's as she says, "You're the one Jihoon were talking about, right? He was talking about a guy he met, and in my observation, you're making him happy these days."
"So, thank you."
The woman smiled at him so genuinely, he was ready to tear up in any moment and say that it's the other way around.
Jihoon helped him escape his own reality. That's what he should be grateful for.
"Mom, what did you say to him?"
The two of them turned their heads to a confused figure of Jihoon holding his glass of water, looking at Hyunsuk's teary eyes.
"I told him about the time you peed on your pants when you accidentally walked inside the horror house when you was 8, Hoonie."
"What?! Mom!"
Hyunsuk loved the scene. Mrs. Park laughed loudly when he saw how red Jihoon's face, scarlet ears as he tries to hide his embarrassment with a smug expression. Hyunsuk teases him with a smile. "So I was the scaredy cat, Pee-on-your-pants boy?"
"I hate you both. I think I need water again." He gets back to the kitchen, leaving the two person laughing as they look at each other.
It was a nice scene to be in if it's for Hyunsuk. It's a good laugh with a woman he might consider as his mom, because he never had the chance to laugh this loudly with his parents.
The gratefulnes he feels for Jihoon is overflowing that it might turn to something more.
The day has come to an end. They're now in front of Chaeyoung's house, about to say their goodbyes to Jihoon's mom and sister. Hyunsuk stood up straight, the nervousness he was feeling hours ago replaced by a joyful feeling with his lips turned up in a smile.
"Visit us again next time, I still have some stories to tell about Jihoon, Hyunsuk-ah." Chaeyoung pats Hyunsuk's head softly, earning a glare from his brother but she just sticks her tongue out. "Possessive, huh?"
Jihoon rolled his eyes at his sister before looking at his mom. "We're going now, Mom. It's getting late, I'll message you once we got home safely."
Mrs. Park nodded, before hugging her son. "Take care, okay?" The old woman darts her eyes on the small guy with a smile plastered on her lips. "Get home safely, Hyunsuk-ah. I hope you'll visit us again, even if you don't bring Jihoon with you anymo—"
"Mom!" Jihoon retorts. Mrs. Park laughed on her son before patting Jihoon's shoulder and says,
"Take care of your boyfriend, Jihoon."
Chaeyoung suppressed her laugh, and Hyunsuk's eyes widened from what he heard. Jihoon didn't even budge, nodding as he pulls Hyunsuk away from the house. They heard Chaeyoung laughing from the doorway along with her Mom, and Jihoon couldn't help himself but to roll his eyes with his family's trips.
Now, how can he explain to Hyunsuk that he always talk about him when he's on the phone with his mom?
They walked silently towards Jihoon's car. Both don't know what to say when Hyunsuk realized that Jihoon didn't deny it. The boyfriend part. And he felt his face reddened. Eyes looking at the window of the car, and not on Jihoon's gaze.
"Hyung, get in. We might got home late, you know? Does you head hurts again?"
"Oh, yeah, I forgot." Hyunsuk felt a little nervous. But why? It's just Jihoon. Why does it feel like his heart is about to go jump right on the car roof and run away while beating so fast?
He opened the door, gets in and immediately closes it while staring down the ghost road. Without even glancing on his side. He felt his chest tightened when he felt Jihoon's stares at him for about seconds—no, minutes now. He has his arms crossed on his chest while still not starting the engine.
"What now, hyung?"
Hyunsuk collected his grains of sanity and glances to the serious Jihoon.
"W-What do you mean?" Oh my gosh. Why was he stuttering for no particular reason?
Jihoon heaved a sigh before leaning in, making Hyunsuk look at him with wide eyes. He forgot how to breathe when he realized how close Jihoon's face on his' as he stare down to Hyunsuk's soul like a serious mad man.
"Man, does my baby pictures made you forget how to take a seatbelt on?"
Oh, can you hear that?
It is the sound of disappointment horning to Hyunsuk's ears as Jihoon gets back to his seat, starting up the engine with his calm expression as if he never heard Hyunsuk's heart beating frantically, throwing beats all over his chest like a whole carnival celebrating inside his stomach.
Jihoon realized how silent Hyunsuk is, so he sighed before glancing back to his hyung. "Mom's joking. Don't mind her."
"But why?" Hyunsuk asks, earning a frown from the younger guy.
"Huh?"
"So you don't like it?"
Jihoon shut the engine down to hear what Hyunsuk is saying. He tries to meet the older guy's eyes, but failed.
"Like what?"
"The idea!"
"Of what?"
"Us!" Hyunsuk cleared it, eyes now looking back at Jihoon, frustratedly.
Jihoon's dumb. Right. "Us what?"
Hyunsuk was never certain how dumb Jihoon is, but now, he's sure of it.
"As boyfriends! Really, Park Jihoon? Are you this slow?" He frustratedly said, not realizing the change of Jihoon's expression in split second.
"I... T-That's..." The overconfident Park Jihoon is nowhere inside the car as a tall man wearing a plaid shirt inside a thick blazer, black jeans and specs are saying words all over the place like a shy boy from a highschool series.
"You don't like it?" The stuttering of the man gave Hyunsuk the idea of getting rejected, and he left his chest tightened as if he's about to go lash out and all.
"I do bu—"
"But what?"
"I don't want things to get complicated for you." That's it. Finally. Jihoon already spoken what he was thinking these days of being with Hyunsuk, that he's certain, the guy will get back to the main city in any day so he was scared. Scared to say things. And this is the first time he said something serious, anyway.
"What do you mean?"
Jihoon lets out a sigh, holding the wheel tightly. "I know that you'll get back to the main city and continue your life there someday, or maybe tomorrow. I don't know. The unsureness of you disappearing stops me from doing anything. I just don't want you to stay here because of guilt, hyung."
Hyunsuk stayed silent.
"Man, you don't know how much I wanted to tell you how we'll look good together if only the idea of you coming back to the main city isn't bothering me, you'll know exactly how I hated it when we label each other as friends, hyung."
Seconds of silence engulfs the spaces of Jihoon's car. He didn't get any reaction from Hyunsuk but he watched the guy leaning onto his seat as he looked outside. Jihoon felt disappointed when Hyunsuk didn't answer him, and he just starts the car silently.
"I'm not going anywhere, Jihoon."
"Pardon, hyung?"
Hyunsuk let his eyes meet Jihoon's and seriously spoke,
"I said, I'm staying here. I'm not going back to the main city, and I'm staying here with you."
"Oh." Jihoon found himself spacing out from what he had heard.
Hyunsuk mentally face-palmed himself and says,
"That means we can be together, you dumb."
It sinked in Jihoon's mind in milliseconds.
"Oh."
Hyunsuk hit Jihoon's head softly that night to get him back to his senses, and warned him for his little 'oh's as his reaction to everything. They opened the radio, played A thousand miles on-loop as they sang in chorus. Hyunsuk opens the car window, feeling the wind of autumn at night as the stroll back to their apartment complex with smiles on their faces.
It was blinding at first. The smile. Jihoon thought it was blinding, that he almost forgot how traffic light works and drove over red light while glancing to the man beside him singing along the song they memorized like the taste of Hyunsuk's burned chicken nuggets. Jihoon found himself nodding, singing as he spin the wheels, listening to the sound of love trying to hit highnotes as he grip on the glass.
So, that's how love looked like.
Hmm, pretty.
It could end with this. The story could end in the middle of little town street, Jihoon glancing back and forth to the figure of a small guy singing his lungs out with eyes closed, unaware of how a pair of eyes admires him like the autumn leaves falling onto their right places as he can feel Hyunsuk as something so right. It could end with their car parked in front of their apartment complex, both leaning against their car seats as they talked about their pasts, Jihoon telling Hyunsuk his past as if he's talking to the one he'll be with in the future. As if he was certain that he's talking about his past with the person he'd get to form a future with.
He was certain that way.
That their storyline could end with them inside the kitchen in the middle of the night, Hyunsuk wearing his favorite purple apron as he leans against the kitchen counter, waiting for the oil to get warmer and place the nuggets while Jihoon's watching from his dinner table seat with drowsy eyes from working in 12 hours.
"Hyung, I swear if you burned that again—see? They're burned, again." Jihoon face-palmed himself when he saw Hyunsuk burning the nuggets for the ninth time.
"Then don't eat them! That's so easy." He can hear the frustration from Hyunsuk's tone as he tries to get the nuggets out of the pan. Half of them were burned, and half were neatly cooked. Jihoon could see how much Hyunsuk was hurt when he pointed how the guy burned the nuggets once again.
He forgot how sensitive Hyunsuk is when it comes to cooking, so he sighed and watched Hyunsuk switching off the stove with frowned eyes. Jihoon stood up from his seat, and pulls Hyunsuk who's about to get some water from the refrigerator in a hug.
"Jihoon."
"Hmm?" The taller guy put his chin on his man's shoulder, tired but never of Hyunsuk as he whispers, "I'm sorry. They're neatly cooked, hyung. Better than before, I feel like I can eat them my whole life, y'know."
Hyunsuk as a simple man who's in love, his lips formed a small smile as he tries to suppress the dancing butterflies inside his stomach. He rolled his eyes when Jihoon does something he memorized like the back of his hand.
"You sure know how to play with your words, Park Jihoon."
"Nah," Jihoon sniffs the smaller man's hair as his nose memorized the fragrance of lilac. "I just know how your heart works."
"Oh, yeah?"
Jihoon faced Hyunsuk to him with a smile clearly admiring how pretty the smaller man is. And his eyes crystallized the word whipped as he leans closer and says,
"It beats for me."
Like a humming bird in the morning of that October, Jihoon closed the gap between them, lips slowly moves as if they're familiarizing the feeling. Quick as autumn approached, Jihoon snaked his hand around his lover's torso; that made Hyunsuk regain his composure realizing how it felt like those magical moments within the big screens on disney movies.
It was soft and sweet, slow and magical; as if everything around them became meaningless. The unsureness of tomorrow replaced by Jihoon's scent permeating on his, and he was ready to lose everything he has from the city of reality than to lose the enthusiasm of moments like this.
He could give up everything for this: the sustainable happiness brought by the lacing hand around his torso, the lethal smile against his lips, the fluttered closed eyes as they feel each other, a thumb tracing his jaw Jihoon used to pluck jokingly, unlike the falling leaves of autumn—the moment could last more than months, without the red-orange leaves, the traces of footprints on the sand or the trees lined up in the middle of a windy day.
Because unlike autumn, they felt like the leaves that has their never ending falling phase; for one another.
Unfortunately, lungs are made to be run out of oxygen as they slowly part their lips, breathing in and out as Jihoon didn't disconnect his hand from Hyunsuk's with a smile creeping on his lips.
As red as the leaves, Hyunsuk blushed.
And as free as the fall, Jihoon laughed loudly in the middle of the night.
He hums their favorite song, and danced with his lover in the middle of the night, inside their small apartment with their refrigerator light as their spotlight; they danced the night away down the stairs.
That's when the timing has become one of the reason why love could last if only it is with the right people, and in the right timing.
It's as if despite how magical and right they feel every night; time paralyzed with the concept of pain that crawls onto the arrow of their clock scheduled to the time of their suffering from the phrase;
Right person, wrong time.
"Jihoon?" The man from the other line called out Jihoon, who's busy copying some papers.
"Yes, Kyu? Why?" He boredly took the original copy from the machine and placed it to the file holder. Once done, he reached for his phone and placed it to his right ear.
"Remember the place where you saw Hyunsuk hyung?"
His eyes automatically squint to his side when he heard the mentioned name. Posture straightened up and spoke, "why? What happened?"
"We got a call from the main city station so the units decided to do somethin about it. They saw some missing things and collected it from that place . I was on duty so I saw them classifying those and I thought one of the those were Hyunsuk hyung's and..."
"And what? The fuck, Kim Junkyu, are you t—"
"I think you should end everything with him now, Jihoonie."
"What?"
"You should come here yourself."
The line cut.
And autumn will be ending in 2 days.
Night time. Hyunsuk already made dinner for two, and it's passed 8 pm. Jihoon supposedly got home around 7 pm, and he just let it pass since the man might've been forced to do some stuff again causing him to go back home on time.
He's patiently waiting at the living room, eyes trailin the door frame for a hundred time. He was about to stand up and wait outside when he heard footsteps coming from outside, and it made him smile.
It's Jihoon. He came home.
"Jihoonie!" He greeted his lover with a peck on the lips, smiling ever so bright as if he didn't wait for him an hour. He looked at Jihoon's tired face, and no trace of smile overtook his expression. Maybe it's extra tiring today. Right. Hyunsuk, that's right. Maybe it is.
"I cooked dinner, and!" After taking Jihoon's coat off and placing it on the holder, he pulled the guy inside the kitchen and presented the table. "I didn't burn the nuggets!"
Proudly standing beside the table, he waited for any words from his lover. And got nothing, but silence.
Just a Jihoon staring at him blankly, without any expression of being proud or even happy with Hyunsuk small achievement. And it was enough to make Hyunsuk stand firmly, eyes concerned with the way Jihoon looks at him...
It was so faint, and plain. Tired.
It wasn't like the other ones from before.
"What's wrong, Jihoonie?" He placed his apron on the counter, before stepping forward to reach for his lover's hand.
But failed.
"You should get back to the main city."
"W-What d—"
"I'll help you on packing your things," he looked down to Hyunsuk with nothingness can be seen in his eyes. "I'd let Junkyu send you to the station, I'll give you the map and where to go exa—"
"What are you—Jihoon! What do you mean? Did I do something wrong? What is it? Tell me..." Hyunsuk asks, holding Jihoon's right hand tightly. It was cold.
"I already called your Dad."
"H-Huh?"
"You're coming back to your home, hyung." Jihoon faintly smiled, and pats Hyunsuk's head.
What's more heartbreaking than the view of a guy looking at him in mere sadness, tired eyes, and pale skin?
"But this is my home," the smaller guy's voice cracked, and he can feel his limbs tremble in fear of losing Jihoon. "Jihoon, this is my home. I'm not from the city. I'm from here. Wherever you are, you know that's where I belong to. I'm not suppose to leave home, Jihoonie... I told you that right?"
Jihoon fishes something out from his back pocket, and it was a phone that was covered in cracked screen and traces of mud. Hyunsuk frowns from the sight when Jihoon raises it in the air, right in front of his face and spoke,
"I'm not the place where you belong to, Sukkie."
He clicks the power button, and the phone's lockscreen showed up.
With a picture of two men happily posing at the camera with their fingers entangled with each other, rings reflecting the flash.
"T-That's..." Hyunsuk felt his head gets a little dizzy, and images flashes in his mind in seconds. "That's..."
Jihoon smiled at him, heart shattering in pieces as he can feel his chest tightening more and more.
"That's where you belong to," he was pertaining to the guy beside Hyunsuk on the picture. "Your fiancé, hyung."
"And he's not here in Busan. So go back to the city, and live your own life you never dreamed with me. Please..." Jihoon couldn't feel his knees as they wobble, his eyes tracing the features of the man he'll forever glove the face. "I don't want things to get complicated for you, hyung. So, please..."
Hyunsuk shook his head left and right before falling on his knees and begs, "No... I don't want to... Jihoon-ah... Please..."
"Hyung, I called him using your records. He sounded so kind, and no wonder you got him as your fiancé. You'll live a happy life with him, away from the countryside's life. In the city where you came from, it's a good thing, right?" He held Hyunsuk's face as the smaller shakes his head still, not agreeing. "By then, you can completely remember him and how you decided to marry him. By then, you won't need to cook for someone who comes home late. By then, you won't get upset with someone else's jokes at night or little talks that keeps you awake. Hyung, it's a good thing, am I right?"
He gestured while explaining, elaborating how Hyunsuk could have the life he was living in the main city back. He can take some therapy to the hospitals or from anyone that can help him figure out how to recover the selected memories he forgot. Jihoon smiled at him, patting his back as an assurance while the smaller guy decided to cry in his arms while disagreeing.
"Hyung... Don't make things more hard for the both of us."
"You're the one who made things harder, Jihoon! You should've hid that on somewhere else, from nowhere near me. If you just hid that, maybe things aren't complicated now, Ji." He rants, hitting the taller man's chest with his free hand. "So we shouldn't be in this situation... at all."
"I can't live a life with you if you already promised to live the rest of it with someone else, hyung. You know I can't lie." Jihoon let out a humorless laugh, letting the guy punch his chest. "I can't do that."
"You'll forget about me, hopefully." Eyes tracing the pattern carved on the wooden table where their favorite foods are placed and are all close to getting frozen, the familiar feeling of the chair as Hyunsuk leaned when he heard what Jihoon said made him realize that it was old and used enough as if the magical feeling it brings every dinner time disappears in a snap.
"What if I don't?" Hyunsuk calms himself down, slightly taking off his eyes on the cold chicken nuggets he cooked. "What if I don't want to?"
"Then it's all on you."
"Jihoon," he points himself, eyes looking at Jihoon as they grew wider, close to tearing up.
"I wasn't the one who brought myself flowers every fucking day," he slams the table enough to shake the utensils off, "or the one who ditches meetings just to be with me. I'm not the one who took care of myself when I was sick, and the one who genuinely supports me with my cooking. Hell, I'm not even the one who helped me when I almost died on that same fucking bridge!"
Hyunsuk pointed at him, lips quivering. "It's you. It's you, Jihoon."
The younger man taps his fingers on the table without causing any sound as he straightly looking at the man, looking so unbothered with the fact that his man is lashing out at him clearly in madness.
"Now tell me, how can I not fall for your shits when all this time I thought I already have somebody that treats me ever so right that I'd never thought it'll end up as disguised lies?"
Hyunsuk softly whispers, pain visibly drawing on his face as tries to convince Jihoon to say otherwise, and tell the truth that he was happy. That what the traumatic incident Hyunsuk was in is a blessing in disguise as the older guy found Jihoon in this small little town. He wanted to hear it himself.
That things aren't that painful as they seemed.
That maybe half of them was the truth.
So he asks, "When was the last time you lied to me?"
If the younger boy dares to open up his mouth, he knew he'll tear up. Jihoon knew, he will. And things aren't gonna end up like how he planned in his head, so he spoke,
"When I said that I love your chicken nuggets," eyes faintly gazes on the nuggets before scanning back the crumpled face of Hyunsuk, chuckling.
"But I never lied when I said I love you."
It was nearly enough to make Hyunsuk stop. But nearly was never enough for him so he shook his head, and laughs bitterly.
"If you do, why would you let me go?"
"Because it's the best for you, hyung."
"What the fuck do you know about what's good for me when you're here, pushing me away when you know yourself that you're the best for me?" His cries were heard by the snacks surrounding them. The dead chicken. The dried mango. The nuggets. Everything.
Silence enveloped between them, and both of them were too tired to translate each other's pain in one language as they just stared to one another.
"Hyung... Let's not hurt ourselves anymore, shall we?"
Hyunsuk frowned with the younger guy's favor. "Do me a favor too."
"What is it?"
"Don't forget about me. Or the things we did."
Jihoon was taken aback with Hyunsuk's serious favor. But he just give him an assuring smile, before nodding.
"As if I can," he taps the pattern of the table and promised. "I'd never forget."
It was just simple words. No one even bid a goodbye or a goodnight. Hyunsuk packed his bags in an instant when he heard Jihoon promised. Jihoon wanted to help him, but stayed inside the kitchen and eat the nuggets Hyunsuk finally perfected. The night ended with nothing but the sound of the bag's zippings and the water dropping from the faucet as Jihoon cleaned up the kitchen.
Oh, there's more than those noises.
In volume 0%, their hearts decided to break in silence as they can feel how the home they made out of their happy noises and loud laughs is now filled with silent cries, unsaid feelings, and still; with the unsureness of tomorrows.
Finally, the autumn has ended.
•••
It was never the same morning when Jihoon would wake up from the tight embrace of a small man, or the raining kisses he used to enjoy every 6 am before getting ready for work.
It's just a morning when he woke up with the noise of baggages rolling on the ground as the sound of leaving.
He'll miss it. Surely.
He got up from the bed, rushes down the stairs to find himself roaming his eyes around the living room only to end up finding nothing.
It's the first day of winter season.
"I hope he brought his scarf with him, it's cold." Jihoon whispers, didn't let himself broke down on his knees first thing in the morning because he promised Hyunsuk that he'll never cry.
He go upstairs, and was about to go straight to the bathroom when he heard his phone ringing, as he rushes inside his room only to see an unknown number plastered on his screen. He reached for it, and answered it immediately.
"Jihoon-ah."
Even though he only just woke up from a deep slumber, he listened to the voice with his heart clenched.
"Loving you was a sustainable happiness I'd never apologize for. Remember that. Thank you."
The call ended.
Hyunsuk wouldn't mind if Jihoon break his promise, right?
When he promised he'll never cry.
Hyunsuk wouldn't mind, right?
Because if he do, he'll probably throw off a banter at the guy who's crying on his knees, crumpled on the side of his room like a paper, thinking why would Hyunsuk call him just to break him and his walls once again?
Oh.
Maybe to remind him that he'll never able to forget.
Yeah. Maybe that's it.
Like Jihoon can, anyway.
•••
Busan is known for having exceptional beaches, and places like mountains or hills. Mostly tourists would roam around the famous aquarium, or even visit the museum of art. Some of them loves seeing houses perched on the hills as they passes by because of how aesthetically pleasing they are for their eyes.
"The stations were full," Junkyu munched his first lunch of the week. "I think my unit will be more busy. What 'bout you, Hoonie?"
Jihoon shrugs, eyes on his phonescreen before smiling at his bestfriend. "I'll be meeting someone. See you around your patrol, Kyu."
The latter just nods and proceeds on eating his last piece of chicken. When Jihoon's out of his sight, he sighed and whispered,
"He really loves hurting himself, does he?"
The mentioned guy is now fastening his pace as he tiptoes around the station. His eyes tries to find a familiar figure but can't because of the crowded stops. He clicks his tongue before looking to his phonescreen.
"Where are th—"
"Boo! Busan boy!"
Jihoon jumps out of shock with his eyes widened. He immediately looked to his side, and he was greeted with a small figure of a man smiling at him.
He was wearing a designer's coat, and expensive-looking necklaces hanging around his neck. His eyes are hidden because of the shades, but Jihoon can still see through the ink glasses how his eyes forms crescents in chorus of his giggles.
"Did I scare you?"
Jihoon rolled his eyes at him before shrugging. "I don't know, I don't take any damn from city boys."
He received a punch on his side from the smaller guy. He just laughed it off before looking at the man's back, meeting a new pair of eyes.
"You're Yoshi, right? Welcome to Busan. I hope you enjoy your stay here with," Jihoon glances to the smaller figure with a smile.
"Your husband."
The man named Yoshi nods, and shook Jihoon's hand. "We will, Jihoon, right?"
"More like pee-on-the-pants boy—" Hyunsuk tries to tease Jihoon but he earn a look from his husband so he just rolled his eyes.
"Chill out, love. We're good friends, right, Ji?"
It was mentioned before. That timing will always affect eveything. It can change someone's fate, their perspective when it comes to bad timings, or even replace the people that you thought would be there with you.
But bad timing didn't change one thing;
Jihoon is a man of his words.
When he promised to Hyunsuk 3 years ago that he would never ever forget,
"Yeah, we're good friends."
he meant it.
Because up until now, he remembers it all: the first week, when they visited his sister's house, when they ate ramen outside, banging their heads in the air, got kick out from the karaoke, the nights they decided to stare at each other, the confession, the—everything.
He remembers it all, too well.
Good thing, bad timings didn't change the way he have loved the man in front of him whose eyes are nowhere near his, as if the only thing that stayed with his scent in it was his red scarf.
At the apartment complex, inside the same unit, and placed inside his drawer with the scent of love he failed to make a home for it to stay.