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Six woke up with a small gasp, nightmares. The same nightmare she always had, but Six was getting better at handling them. For once she hadn't woken Mono, though that may be because Mono had barely gotten any sleep the night before, having a particularly bad nightmare himself. But now he slept peacefully, a faint smile on his face, breathing steadily.
She smiled at him before snuggling closer, she would of fallen asleep like that again, but right as she started to drift off, she heard a voice. It definitely wasn't Mono, the voice wasn't even in the same room as they were. Six sat up, trying to focus on the voice. It was Fox, and they were talking to someone.
Six must have moved too much cause she heard Mono stir and mumble something. “Mmm... Six?” He was still half asleep. “Nightmares?” He asked drowsily.
Six shook her head but then hesitated. “Okay yes but that's not why I'm sitting up.” She would of signed normally, especially this late at night, but Mono's eyes were barely open. She turned her head back to the noise. “Fox is awake, they're talking to someone, maybe Citrus.” She couldn't tell what was being said but from the tone of voice Fox sounded upset.
Mono looked alittle more awake. “I'll go check.” He moved to get up but Six stopped him, putting a hand on his shoulder.
“I'll go check, you need sleep.” She said sternly. Then she softened abit. “If it's anything serious, I'll come get you. Promise.” She lightly stroked his cheek.
On any other night, Mono's stubbornness probably would of won out, or he would of at least insisted abit more. But he was just, so, tired. He hummed then nodded. “...Okay.” He said before closing his eyes.
Six smiled at him again then lightly kissed his forehead, she heard the faintest chuckle from him, then he was out. Six gave him one last look before carefully getting out of bed, she could still hear Fox.
As she drew closer her suspicion of the person Fox was talking to was confirmed. Citrus, he was being much more quiet than Fox but Six was now close enough to make out what both of them were saying.
“Look I don't wanna talk about this with you okay?” He sounds exasperated.
“Why not?!” Fox pestered him. They've probably been going in circles like this for abit.
Citrus mumbled something and rubbed his temple. “I can't tell you that, it would defeat the point. And would you quiet down? You're gonna wake up-” His words died in his throat as he caught sight of Six.
Fox saw her too and rubbed their arm. “Sorry, I was being too loud.”
Six shook her head as she approached. "I was already awake." She signed slowly to make sure they understood. One of the good things about Six being a brutally honest person was when she told the kids they weren't bothering her or causing trouble they believed her. Where as with Mono it was always up in the air whether he was being honest or if he was just being nice. "What's going on? Why are you up? Why are you arguing?"
Citrus looked down at the ground, it seemed like he was about to say something but Fox beat him too it. “Citrus had a nightmare! And he won't tell me what it was about or what happened!” Fox realized they were being loud again and covered their mouth. “Sorry.” They said quietly.
Six took another step forward. "Was it bad?"
Citrus nodded but didn't say anything, looking lost in thought.
“Worst he's ever had.” Fox spoke up but made a point to talk quieter this time. “He was squirming and sweating and mumbling something and I couldn't wake him up and... and... and he Won't talk about it!”
“I'll talk about it with Six.”
Everything stopped for a moment as they both looked at him.
“What?” Six spoke, breaking the silence.
Citrus looked up at them, he looked conflicted but repeated himself. “I'll talk about it, with Six.” He emphasized that last part.
Fox looked worried and confused, Six felt the same but didn't show it. “Why?” Fox asked.
Citrus grumbled and rubbed his head. “Fox I can't-” He stopped himself and took a breath, trying to calm himself down. “Look Fox, you trust me right?” He asked. Fox nodded. “And you want me to talk about this with someone at least, right?” Fox nodded again, more determinedly. “Then please, go back to our room, go to sleep, and let me talk about this with Six. Please Fox, I swear I would never ask you to do this normally, just... trust me.”
Fox was still for a moment, an expression that wavered on worried and upset. Then they just nodded turned around and left, not saying a word.
The moment Fox was out of sight Citrus let out a shaky breath, he already looked so tired and broken. The weight of everything he'd said seeming to sink in. Six was starting to worry she was in over her head. "You sure you don't want me to get Mono?" She asked. As much as she really didn't want to wake him up, this seemed... well, serious.
Citrus hesitated for a moment and for a second Six thought he was going to take her offer, but then he shook his head. "No, I want to talk with you". He was signing, Citrus was pretty good at signing at this point, and if he didn't know a word he would just say it out loud. But still, he didn't usually do it unless he had to or he was practicing. He must not want to risk Fox overhearing. Suddenly a look of realization came over him. "Oh uhh unless You don't wanna talk about it!" He signed abit frantically, worried he overstepped a boundary.
Six shook her head quickly, trying to cut off that train of thought. "No that's not what I meant. It's just..." She trailed off for a moment. "I thought maybe you'd prefer talking to Mono about it. You guys don't usually talk about this stuff with me." Aside from Marten but she wasn't going to specify that.
Citrus looked down, his expression uneasy and nervous. "Yeah I know, but I want to talk about this with you, Specifically You." His signing was slow and smooth, trying his best to convey a serious tone.
Six was starting to get more worried, she was starting to wonder if Citrus was upset with her. Her argument with Mono back at the Maw about leaving the kids came to mind. Citrus must of picked up on that. "And no, it's not because I'm mad at you."
That both calmed Six and worried her more at the same time. If Citrus wasn't mad at her, then what could he want to talk about with her, specifically her.
Six took a deep breath. Time to find out. "What's going on?"
Citrus instantly became more tense. He started to sign a few different times but would quickly stop, he was trying to figure out the best way to start this conversation, Six waited patiently. Finally he seemed to find the best way to start it. "You know about the three kids that were with us before, right? The ones that didn't make it?"
Six nodded slowly. They had talked about this with Mono, and Mono had talked about it with her. "Was you're nightmare about them?" She prompted him.
Citrus rubbed his arm. "One of them, specifically."
Six thought for a moment. Mix had been was caught by the long armed monster and killed in the process. Wave wasn't able to make a jump and had fallen to her death. And Wick... oh... Wick. Mono was always alittle vague about exactly what happened, and Six never pushed since it wasn't his secret to tell, but one thing was clear. Fox and Wick had gone off on their own to do something and got into Serious trouble. Citrus had been able to catch up to them but couldn't save them both, he had to make a choice and that choice coast Wick his life. Six looked back up at him. "Wick?"
Citrus looked away and nodded. “Yup.” He spoke that time, and Six could hear how broken and choked up he was. It was enough to make her heart ache.
She put a hand on his arm and got him to look at her. "Hey, listen to me. It's not your fault, okay? You had to act, if you hesitated they would of Both died. It was an impossible choice."
Six tried to reassure him but something about what she said just made him look more broken, more remorseful. He sniffled and shook his head. "It wasn't though, it wasn't an impossible choice. It was a very easy choice in fact. I try to act like there was some conflict in my head at that time but I knew exactly who I was gonna save. I knew I was going to save Fox. And That's the problem."
Six was confused. "Why is That the problem?" She asked.
Citrus's hand was shaking. It made it kind of hard to understand his signing but Six managed. "I saved Fox because I was scared to lose them, because I don't know what I'd do without them, because..." He stopped for a moment and clenched his jaw. "Because I cared more about Fox than Wick." Six had a feeling she knew where this was going. Citrus squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, tears close to spilling. “Because I'm selfish. I'm a selfish monster who let someone die because they weren't as important to me!” He'd given up on signing completely.
Six was starting to realize why he wanted to talk to her, specifically her. His voice sounded so broken, guilt racked and grief stricken. He sounded like how she did when she admitted that she ate a person.
He as well as all the other kids and nomes had shown her a level of understanding, empathy, and kindness that she'd previously thought only Mono was capable of that day. And she was determined to show the same to him. So she did something that she didn't do that often with anyone other than Mono and the nomes, she hugged him.
For a moment he just stood there, she could feel him trembling, then he slowly returned the embrace. “You aren't selfish.” She said quietly. An involuntary sob burst out of him.
“I Am though.” He said stubbornly. “I let Wick die because of my own self interests. How is that not the most blatant case of selfishness?”
“I don't think a selfish person would be so torn up about their decision.” Six said quietly. Mono had told her something like that once. It had worked on her, or at least stopped her thoughts for a moment, and it seemed to do the same for him.
Six pulled away from the hug to look at him. He'd started crying at some point, she carefully wiped the tears away, making him feel embarrassed. Six then made sure he was looking at her before signing again, slow and steady to emphasize the point. "I have seen you worry more about the other kids, risk your life, and make sure everyone else was safe above your own needs. Does that sound like a selfish person to you?" He looked away not answering. She knew this kind of stubbornness all too well, she was trying to convince him of something he couldn't accept. Six wrote into his palm as he didn't seem to want to look at her right now. "What if the situation was reversed, what if Fox had saved you for the same reason you saved them, would you think they were selfish for letting Wick die?"
“No!” He pulled his hand away roughly and took a step back before taking a deep breath and sighing. “No of course I wouldn't.” He rubbed his head. He looked exhausted, both physically and emotionally. “I- I'm sorry, I know I'm being a pain right now.”
"No you're not." Six reassured him. She thought for a moment. "You need to talk to Fox about this. Maybe not tonight, but you need to tell them." As much as Six wanted to help, this wasn't going to be solved over night. And she had a feeling Fox would be better at this anyway. Fox has known him the longest, they knew him best.
Citrus shook his head. “I... I can't. they'll blame themself or... or they'll think I'm a terrible person.” The first one might be a possibility but Six seriously doubted the second one.
"I think they'll handle it better than you're giving them credit for. Just consider it, please. It's obviously bothering Fox that you won't tell them." It was quiet for a moment. Then Six sighed. "At least tell Fox that you aren't upset with them."
Citrus looked abit more aware then nodded. “Yeah, okay. I'm gonna go back to our room. Sorry for waking you.”
"You didn't wake me." Six reminded him. She watched as Citrus went back to their room and decided to do one more check, she carefully went to the doorway of their room and peered in, yup, Citrus and Fox were already hugging. They pulled apart and Citrus started signing something. It was hard to tell but Six deduced he was saying something along the lines of 'I swear I wasn't upset with you'. That was enough for Six. She smiled and quietly walked back to her and Mono's room.
She tried to carefully get back into bed without waking Mono, not careful enough. “Hmm Six..?”
“Yeah, I'm back. Everything is fine.” She said quietly.
“Why were you- Oh right... the noises. What was it?”
Six sighed, she really wanted to avoid this. She would of gladly told him in the morning but he needed sleep. But nothing could be done about it now. “Citrus had a nightmare.”
“What about?” Mono asked shifting in bed.
Six gave him a look. “Wick.”
A look of realization came over Mono. “Oh no, is he blaming himself for that?”
“Yes but it's alittle more complicated than that.” Six started to explain the situation.
The more detail she went into the more awake and worried Mono looked. And once she got to the part about Citrus calling himself selfish he fully sat up. “He isn't selfish!”
Six put a hand on his shoulder, worried he might get out of bed. “I know, I told him that. And I think part of him understands that. But then there's a part of him still having trouble. Ya know, that part of you that blames yourself for things you had absolutely no control over.” She gave him a sad smile.
Mono sighed and nodded, his hand brushing over his left side. “Yeah, I know...”
Six carefully traced a finger over his right ear. “We both do.”
Mono smiled faintly and gently grabbed her hand, rubbing his thumb over her palm as he looked down, thinking for a moment. “Is he okay now?”
Six hesitated. “He's better, this isn't something you just get over in one night.” Six slowly coaxed him into laying back down before joining him under the blanket.
Mono nodded before looking back at her. “Sorry I just... I'm worried.”
“I almost went to go get you. With the way he was acting. But he insisted he wanted to talk to me.” Six told him.
Mono looked surprised. “Really?”
Six nodded. “Yeah, I was surprised too.”
Mono smiled warmly before pulling her closer. “Well... I'm glad you helped him. You did such a good job Six.” Sleep was starting to over take him again.
Six gave him a sly smile. “You weren't even there, how do you know I did a good job?”
Mono chuckled and snuggled closer. “I just know you did, besides, the fact that you chose to stay and help him says a lot as is.”
Six smiled and shrugged. “That's what family does, right?” She felt Mono flinch and when she looked back at him he was giving her one of those adoring smiles that always made her blush. She was trying to figure out what she even said then it clicked, Family. She had thought that word to herself several times but hadn't ever said it out loud until now.
Mono just smiled at her for a moment before pulling her into a quick kiss. He rubbed her still red cheek with his thumb. “I love you.” He was half asleep but she still knew he meant it with every fiber of his being.
Six smiled and tucked her head into the crook of his neck. “I love you too.” And the two drifted off to sleep like that.
The next morning was alittle less rowdy than usual. There was still talk and conversations. But when the two typically noisiest of the bunch are barely saying anything, things are bound to be noticeably quieter.
Six was surprised the other kids weren't bothering them about it. Then again, aside from Marten, these kids have known each other longer than Six or Mono had. So maybe they knew better.
She could tell Mono wanted to say something but she insisted he wait abit. She was hoping for something. And then it happened. Not long after breakfast Citrus said he and Fox were going to go out into the forest for a bit. He didn't give a reason and no one asked him for one. There was a silent understanding of why exactly they were going. Mono simply asked that the two be careful, Citrus said they would, and then they were gone.
They were gone for awhile. The group did their best to keep busy but Six caught herself glancing back at the door time and time again. Then, just as she was thinking about going to look around for them, they heard the door open. They were back. From the looks of it it seemed like Citrus had been crying again, but he was a lot less tense than he was before leaving.
Six was alittle surprised when Fox walked up to her. “Uh hey... Citrus... he told me everything.” Fox took a deep breath and ran a hand through their hair, they seemed tired and overwhelmed but then gave Six a toothy grin. It somehow looked forced and genuine at the same time. “Thanks for talking to him last night.”
Six just smiled and nodded. "Anytime."
Things steadily started to go back to normal after that and Six couldn't help but smile when she heard Citrus laughing about something. This wasn't the end, not even close. Citrus would still have bad days, he'd still have nightmares, they'd probably have to reassure him that he wasn't selfish on some days. But this was an important first step in him getting better. And Six knew all too well that more often than not, that first step was the hardest.