Work Text:
Once upon a time.
Jihoon's recent story goes. He looked at it once more and immediately closed the laptop when the door opened.
"Working on your recent book?" the voice inquired, to which Jihoon just answered with a nod.
"Upo kayo." Jihoon mentions as he points to the mini sala set his room has. The visitors smiled and immediately placed the coffee and donuts they bought on their way to the rest house. Jihoon sitted after them and pulled out the chocolate drink they brought.
For a moment, no one talked but the actions and thoughts they have can be heard and seen.
The couple in front of him kept on hitting each other's arms with their elbows. The awkward stares and smiles towards Jihoon were obviously building up the tension between them.
Cute. Jihoon's mind says, which turns into a small giggle.
"Mga Kuya,para kayong mga timang. Sabihin niyo na sige na. Or ikaw na lang, Kuya Gyu." Jihoon says and munches on the hazelnut donut he picked while watching his visitors flirt with each other or he means, pointing out who'll talk to him.
Mingyu lets out a cough and lets out a heavy breath.
"Ji, kasi, we heard that all the dates set last week all failed again." He calmly begins. "Kaya ngayon, we're here to introduce the last straw of candidates me and your Kuya Wonwoo got."
Jihoon nodded as a reply and afterwards rubbed his hands as he finished eating his lunch today.
"Yey! Okay sige, Ji." Mingyu happily draws and immediately grabs Wonwoo's phone from his hand, who at that time,is looking intently at his brother Jihoon like he's a puzzle he needs to solve.
"So, what do you think?" Mingyu giddily says while showing an image of the last man on their list of Jihoon's possible forever buddy.
45 minutes passed, and Jihoon did not even comprehend anything.
How many are they again? His mind tells.
Seokmin Lee.
Seungcheol Choi.
Daniel Kang.
Chanyeol Park.
Four gorgeous men, who are treated as elites in the society, tapos nasa listahan niya lang nang pagpipilian for a date.
Girls and maybe, boys are chasing after them, but here they are, shortlisted as his possible matches.
He let out a hearty short laugh and turned his straight face on.
Abot kamay niya ang mga pangarap ng iba. Yung nais nila, binabasura niya.
Well, ganun talaga minsan sa buhay, diba?
So saddening for them . He lets his mind speak to itself and shifts his annoyed glance from the tablet Mingyu shows him, before grabbing it from the hand which holds the device, proceeding to close it, and walking past them.
Mingyu breathed out a sigh in response to what Jihoon did, meeting Wonwoo's gaze beside him.
"Ji? What is up this time, darling?" Mingyu sweetly asks as he follows Jihoon, who at that moment walked towards the balcony.
"I just don't like anyone from them. Is there any problem with that though?" Jihoon responds. "Plus, they all cannot pass my standard, I think." he continues.
Wonwoo lets out a deep sigh. "Sige, Ji. Tell us kung anong flaws ng bawat isa sa kanila." his Kuya says and turned his head to Mingyu and Jihoon's current position.
Jihoon faced them and started his litany.
"The Seokmin one looks too kind for me. Ayaw ko ng naive partner. Seungcheol looks like a fucker and mukhang peperahan lang ako nun, or probably, ikakama." Jihoon was lost in thought as he tried to remember the names of the others.
"Daniel Kang? I heard he's a notorious drinker, Kuya. I know it very very well. I hate people with vices. And that Chanyeol Park? Nah." Jihoon shakes his head. "Still in love with the ex, Baekhyun Byun. Last time I checked, Chanyeol brought him to Barcelona to make up with him pero it did not work. That's all I can share for now." Jihoon finishes and turns to his original position, leaving Mingyu and Wonwoo at awe, which happens normally.
Jihoon always has a heads-up with whomever his Kuyas try to introduce to him, at wala ring nasasabi ang mga ito about it. It gets boring and entertaining at the same time on his end kaya ayos lang din.
"Ano na lang mangyayari samin of pumili ako sa mga 'yan, diba? Kaya no thanks na lang, Kuya Gyu and Kuya Wons.", Jihoon concludes.
"Ji, Kuya Jun and Hao would not be happy about this decision of yours. Iniwan ka nila ritong wala pang potential partner, uuwi rin silang wala pa rin. Iisipin na lang talaga nung dalawang yun wala kaming ginagawa to help you." Wonwoo rebutts then sips on his coffee.
"No, not this one again." Jihoon's mind says.
"True lang. Sa amin ka pa naman binilin nila Kuya." Mingyu says as he sits beside Wonwoo. "Not that we would want to take care of our images. Pero kasi baka nga we're useless talaga. Kasi three years na tayong naghahanap ng potential partner mo, Ji. Wala pa ring nagiging compatible for you." Mingyu sadly iterates.
"I-i'll take care of Kuya Jun and Hao. Ako na rin bahalang magtanggol sa inyo if ever they'll question your efforts. You, lovebirds have always been there to help me so much pagdating sa matter na 'to. Ako lang talaga yung may problema." Jihoon responded and looks at the calm view of the sea.
"Ji," Wonwoo puts his hand over Jihoon’s hand to call his attention. But the latter remained his gaze on the sea. Despite that, Wonwoo still continues his litany.
"Sorry talaga if minamadali ka namin, ha? Alam mo naman kung gaano ka-insistent si Kuya Jun about you being married before you're 30. Kung ako lang, magdedecide, alam mong pababayaan kita. But I hope you'll realize na we just want you to have someone ma mag-aalaga sa'yo, Ji. You need someone who'll play as your other half." Wonwoo softly whispers, still holding his younger brother's hand.
"Since sabi namin ni Kuya Gyu mo na last na blind date na yung mapipili mo sa dapat iseset namin sa'yo, we will end it here. Worry no more about Kuya Jun and Hao. Kuya will take care of it for you, Ji. Sabihan mo na lang kami if you need us, ha. Don't rush yourself, Ji." Wonwoo continues.
"Hindi man ngayon, pero someday, Ji. You'll realize that it exists. And when that day comes, I hope you won't hold yourself back from falling deeply." Jihoon's brother says before the door closes behind, leaving him alone with the waves of the sea and the cold sea breeze.
Jihoon's tear ducts acted fastly.
Sanay na siyang ganito.
His kuyas acting as cupids for him tapos aayaw siya solely because he cannot find the perfect match for him. He feels like a burden for them lalo na't kahit paano'y may edad na ang mga ito. But even amidst the shoving he does against the suggestions they give, talagang wala lang silang balak sukuan siya.
Jihoon let out a sigh at this thought.
"My poor little meow meows" his mind says.
Maniniwala na sana siyang totoo yung meron sa pagitan ng Kuya niya and their spouses.
He somehow saw its beauty when Jun found Minghao. Them against the world was their trope. Homophobic parents from both sides are the conflicts. He has seen them receiving slurs and downgrading insults from the people who introduced them to this world. Ang malala pa, they never came out. They were forced to do so. The disrespect those oldies had over two of his most treasured people were disgusting. Pinamanmanan, were brought to psychologists, and was almost left poor by their parents. Pero their love was stronger than their parents' rage. Sama mo na rin siguro yung kagustuhan talaga nila to continue and overcome the obstacles they faced.
And look at them now.
Happily married with two kids, are successful in their own careers, and have settled down in China.
Somehow, dahil sa kanila, Ji realized na kahit paano, love is just... it can conquer anything. As long as you two are together.
What strengthened Jihoon's perspective was when he knew that Mingyu and Wonwoo are a thing, na walang kahit isang nag-expect. Those two have always been the best enemies. Malas nga lang kasi naging doormates sila. But then, Mingyu, the flirty one has made its way to Wonwoo's heart. Nagkasanayan, nagkahulugan, at ang ending? Syempre, nagkatuluyan. The typical one kung tutuusin and fluffier than Minghao and Jun's story, pero still, the flow was amusing and adorable..
There, Jihoon told himself that even though your poles are opposites, attraction can still be present.
And as for him...
It was stagnant. Alam niyang things would never go according to how he planned.
Ang daming dumaan.
Tons tried.
But nothing worked.
Baka hindi kasi talaga. Kasi hindi naman siya totoo. Maybe because their God wanted him to have the worst flaw among all, kasi he does not have any flaw na super lala unlike others.
Kaya home personified? Fluttering feeling?
It exists. Yes. For others' universes.
Unfortunately, his cannot even recognize each.
His dictionary loads, while the others already memorized their definitions.
All was placed in this manner. That was he thought so too. Well, until things strung away from what he used to believe in.
"So, Mr. Lee, can you give us a sneak peak of this coming release?" a low baritone voice interrupts and smiles at him. Cameras kept on clicking. Jihoon felt the coldness of the room as he got back to his reverie.
"Ah that? Well, Heaven's Cloud is that book made out of my heart's deepest desire. It is the combined feeling of questions, rage and..." he paused for a second, became lost in thought, and smiled.
"A share of how love can be told in its greatest form in our own experiences and realizations."
"Ji, seryoso ka bang wala kang natipuhan sa mga sinabi sa'yo nila Kuya Wonwoo?" a man replied to him sarcastically.
"Yep, bakit, Soon? Eh wala kahit isa sa kanila eh. Matapos ko malaman yung mga flaws nila na binanggit mo, ayaw ko na lang. Bahala sila." Jihoon answers back and tucked himself on the blanket.
Soonyoung laughed at him. "Kasalanan ko pa pala kung bakit hindi ka nagkakaroon ng kabiyak, Ji. Dapat yata talagang hindi na ako magsabi sa'yo at pabayaan na lamang si Tadhanang mangialam sa buhay pag-ibig mo."
"Ay ang epal mo naman! Sasabihin mo lang din naman tapos hindi mo naman magawa. Saka mo na ako angasan if magawa mong iwan ako sa iba pang mga katiwala ni Tadhana. Ano ha." Jihoon replied confidently.
Soonyoung was about to rebut but he knows Jihoon is right.
Hindi niya kaya. Mas gusto niyang siya ang nakaalam sa kung anong magaganap sa aspetong ito ng buhay ni Jihoon.
The cold wind kept blowing inside his room since its doors were left open to welcome Soonyoung. The latter noticed Jihoon's finger pointing there and even without a word, Soonyoung stood up and closed it.
"Sorry, nakalimutan ko pa lang isarado 'to. Agad-agad kasi akong nagpunta rito dahil sa biglaan mong pagtawag sa akin." Soonyoung explains, making Jihoon laugh.
"Ano ka ba, ayos lang, Soon. Dapat nga ako yung mag-sorry because I bothered yung supposedly rest time mo." Jihoon replies as Soonyoung takes the space beside him again.
"Mabalik tayo. Wala ka na talagang balak, Ji? Hindi naman sa nangingialam ako. Pero alam mo, mamaya pagsisihan mong hindi mo sinubukan kahit sino sa kanila. At kahit naman masama ang kalalabasan,ang importante'y maipakita sa'yo ang sarap at kagandahang magmahal, Ji. " Soonyoung mumbles as he slipped under Jihoon's blanket.
Jihoon felt the chills the man beside him did. He violently sat up. He already lost attention to what Soonyoung told him. His mind was clouded with the fact that the other travelled for almost 2 hours solely because Jihoon cannot sleep alone when rainy days and thunders visit the place.
"Soon? Diyan ka lang ha." Jihoon mentions and received a nod from Soonyoung.
After which, he got up, and went to the cabinet near his bedroom's fridge to give Soonyoung a medicine to drink. Jihoon then poured a warm water from the dispenser right next to it and pulled a tray from the kitchen counter, then walked back to his bed, only to sight a sleeping Soonyoung. Jihoon was about to speak up but he realized that there was no way he would try to wake him up. Because of this, he decided to leave the tray over the bedside table and quietly sat on the bed.
Jihoon examined Soonyoung's face and started to fix the few strands of his hair.
"Ang gwapo mo pala 'no?" Jihoon says nonchalantly and messed his hair into different styles. "Ang sad nga lang kasi hindi ako pwedeng ma-fall sa'yo. But if I am to be true, my type is you. The ideal one, actually. It is just a shame that this time, hindi talaga pwedeng subukan ko." He shook his head in dismay and tried to suppress whatever thoughts flooded his mind.
"But anyway, thank you for making time for me, angel. You are so special to me." Jihoon says, as his heart beats frantically, and kisses the other's forehead.
"With that being said, what do you think is the side of author Jihoon Lee must we look forward to for this work?" another interviewer draws.
"Genuineness. Compared to my former works, this speaks of my reality not as author Jihoon Lee, but the transformed Jihoon Lee."
"Probably this time, I can finally say na indeed, love hits you in the most unexpected way. In this story, you'll get to see Jihoon made by love. Masasamahan natin yung characters nila Woozi and Hoshi and realize that at some point in our lives, we will be able to do things that we never thought we would be doing and feeling mainly because we want to make someone happy. Sometimes, at some point in life, matutuhan mong magsacrifice without feeling like you're obligated to do so. That at some extent, yung mga bagay that you thought will always be foreign to you ay totoo pala. Na minsan, time in your own universe and drive in life aren't always cruel as you thought they are."
"Ang saya saya naman dito!" Jihoon says as he jumps from one grass rock to another. Hindi niya alam kung saan siya dinala ni Soonyoung. Pero basta, ang alam niya, this is the happiest day in his life. He is able to see the view from above. The rivers are all clear. The skies are all rainbows and cotton candies. It is like the setting of the fairytales he writes at buong buhay niya, hindi niya inakalang a place like this exists.
Soonyoung silently watches and follows Jihoon, while the latter plays with whatever he handed him. His heart is filled with happiness while listening to Jihoon's giggles and smiles fill the whole arena. Luckily, everyone is at home so no one will complain and punish Jihoon or Soonyoung for they have violated the rule of bringing someone here na hindi tiga-rito.
Soonyoung was about to completely get rid of Jihoon's request to visit his place, but then, Jihoon is a hard-headed kid. He has been crying over the fact that he cannot visit Soonyoung's place once eh parati namang nasa bahay ni Jihoon ito. Somehow, Jihoon finds it unfair on his end that is why he requested this as a birthday gift from Soonyoung.
"Isang beses lang, Soon, I promise. After nun, hindi na kita kukulitin about it." Jihoon cutely said a week before the 22nd of November and clanged into his arm. Soonyoung cannot resist the other's wish.
"Sige na nga." Soonyoung responds and receives his very first hug from Jihoon that date. It was so abrupt that he froze in place. He smiled by the thought of it.
He was snapped back to reality when Jihoon disappeared all of a sudden.
"Jihoon? Jihoon?" he screams. "Asan ka?"
He felt the panic overtaking his system and immediately went down to the field the fastest way he could.
"Jihoon? Nasaan ka bang bata ka?" he called him again. "Ang sabi ko kasi sa'yo, huwag kang masyadong makulit diba? Huwag mong masyadong ginagamit yung kakayahang binigay ko sa 'yo." Soonyoung says with his serious voice while kept on looking for him within the place.
He ran from one grass rock to the other in hopes of finding him. No trace of Jihoon is found even if he's already in the farthest part of the field. He has been wandering for almost an hour now and in all seriousness, never pa siyang kinabahan ng ganito his whole life.
It took him 30 minutes more before he's about to cry his heart out and lose his shit over Jihoon's sudden absence when he realized that he cannot function well if fear or panic takes over him.
Malaman niya nga pala kung nasan si Jihoon , he thought to himself. And because of this, he calmed down.
He closed his eyes and concentrated.
"Ang ganda ganda naman dito." Jihoon mentions as he watches the fireflies fly around the Tree of Wishes adorably.
“The Garden of Whispers is where Jihoon is.” Soonyoung says.
Soonyoung smiled at the view he saw and opened his eyes to immediately travel towards where Jihoon is.
As soon as he reached the place, he walked quickly towards him and pulled him to an embrace, which resulted forJihoon to let out his shock.
"Ay shet!" Jihoon mumbles as soon as Soonyoung harshly pulls him into his arms.
Jihoon was astonished and was left speechless.
"I thought I'll lose you this time around, Ji." Soonyoung mentions and made the hug tighter. "Hindi ko pa kaya. Hindi ngayon, hindi bukas. Siguro hindi pa. Parang kahit kailan hindi ko yata makakaya."
Jihoon was froze into place as he hear this words. Kung kanina, inaalala niya yung sight ng mga fireflies, ngayon, ang inaalala niya yung pintig ng puso niya. Para siyang sasabog. And mas lalo pa 'yong lumakas when he heard Soonyoung's laugh as he let go of him.
The kilig he felt was changed into a pang of pain.
Is everything a joke to him kaya siya tumatawa?
Akala ba ni Soonyoung madali lang lahat para sa kaniya?
"Anong takot kang mawala ako, Soonyoung, ha?" Jihoon, all of a sudden mentions, leaving Soonyoung at awe.
"Sabihin mo, Soon. Kasi mababaliw na'ko. You are always fucking pushing me away. Sa lahat na lang parati ng pagkakataon na kaya mo kong paalisin, ginagawa mo, Soonyoung. Putangina mo kasi. Alam mo namang mahal kita pero lagi mo kong tinutulak sa iba. Bakit ba, Soon? Ang sabi ba ni Tadhana hindi raw tayo? May iba raw bang ibibigay sa akin?" Jihoon mentioned and pushed Soonyoung slightly.
"Ano? Hindi ka makasagot, hindi ba?" Jihoon tries again. "I have been trying to supress my feelings naman, Soonyoung eh. Sinubukan ko. Pero putangina. Nagulat na lang ako, isang araw, hinahanap-hanap na kita. Alam mo yung feeling na kahit anong gawin ko, iisipin kita. I cannot even spend a day without missing you. You always got my back no matter what. You are my shoulder to cry on. You are the only person who made do things out of my limit. And you made home for me, Soonyoung. I can never ever find another person like you. Nakakagagago kasi ito lang yung gusto ko, pero parang hindi ko pa makukuha? Yun lang yung wish ko. To feel the fluttering feeling. A shelter within a person. Pero ano, Soon? Ipagkakait din daw ba sakin ni Tadhana yun? Para naman tumigil na ako, Soon. Para naman I can fully accept things bago mo ko iwan. So that I can process things—" Jihoon was cut off from his litany as Soonyoung sealed his lips with a kiss.
This is both their first times but they did not feel the unfamiliarity. It is as if it is really meant that their kisses and lips already knew each other even before they met and they have been waiting for each other’s warmth noon pa lang.
And this is what Soonyoung exactly talks about. The perfect timing he has been waiting for he already lost track of Jihoon’s love life ever since he developed his feelings for him. Kung dati, he can see what will happen sa future ng love life niya, months ago, everything became blurred. Hanggang sa ang tanging kakayahan niya na lang is to know what Jihoon is doing and where he is.
Nung una, Soonyoung does not know why it went that way. But now, he realized that things went like that ever since Soonyoung felt his heart beat for Jihoon. This made him terrified dahil hindi niya alam kung may patutunguhan ba sila o may ibang ibibigay si Tadhana kay Jihoon. But still, Soonyoung never stopped. Parang habang dumadaan ang mga araw, he falls deeply for him. He even reached the extent na nagsisinungaling na siya kay Tadhana kung saan siya nagpupunta just so he can see his Jihoon. Jealousy started taking over him paminsan. And when he started thinking that he could risk and give up anything so he can stay with Jihoon, doon niya nalamang mahal na mahal niya nga ito.
Meanwhile, Jihoon has always endeared him ever since they met. Alam na ni Jihoon sa isang tingin pa lang, sa unang iyak niya pa lang on his room's balcony and Soonyoung showed up, he already knew that he's too dangerous for him. Jihoon tried stopping himself, but he would just torture himself if gagawin niya yun. Because of that, he applied a reverse tactic. He tried to keep him close. He thought he could tame his own demons. Baka sakaling through this, mawawala yung nararamdaman ko , he always says. But days went. Months passed. Years gone by. Things did not go according to how he expected it to be. He did not even know when, why, and how things turned that way. Basta isang araw, nagising na lang siya that he is really in love with Soonyoung, his guardian angel.
It took them over a minute before they let go of each other's lips to gasp some air and stick their heads together, while a sound of an alarm was heard within the place.
"Ji, one day, we'll have the answer to our own questions. Someday, malalaman natin why it would be this hard." Soonyoung says. "But I hope that even amidst that moment, you'll still hold on to me. I hope that time, you'll believe that I only ever loved you. And someone needs to compromise for the both of us, please let me do it for us, Ji, okay? Can you promise me that?" Jihoon’s mind was left blank so he had no other choice but to nod.
Jihoon does not know but he somehow predicted that it will turn out this way.
Na one day, Soonyoung needs to give up his angel duties for him.
Na one day, Soonyoung would need to choose between him and his family up here.
Na isang araw, kailangang umalis ni Soonyoung to solve their cases and make this happen for them.
Jihoon has a lot to say, but his heart is literally breaking. His mouth went dry. Pareho na silang umiiyak ni Soonyoung and they cannot console each other dahil mas mahihirapan lang silang pakawalan ang isa’t-isa.
Soonyoung kissed Jihoon's forehead and ran away, leaving Jihoon in pieces.
And just like the usual, it is Soonyoung who always turns his back away.
"Mr. Lee, what do you think's the greatest lesson or realization plus the purpose you had while writing this book?" the last question were thrown, making Jihoon smile.
"Love is everywhere. It goes in ways you never can fathom." Jihoon speaks.
"I hope Heaven's Cloud would give you the courage to work things out without thinking about tomorrow. And of course, hold on to each other amidst all the possible devastations and battles your relationship will go through. Kasi kung ayan na 'yan, magtatagal 'yan. Darating 'yan kung oras na niyan. At kung malilito ka, don't worry dahil ikaw lang din ang makapagsasabi kung iyan na 'yan.” Jihoon pauses for a second.
“Basta, kailangan mo lang maghintay at maniwala.” he continues.
“Thank you so much everyone and I am hoping for your warm support! To all my Woozidans, mahal ko kayo and maraming salamat for making this happen! And of course, to the person behind this masterpiece, my only reason, and sunshine, this is for you. And I hope you're proud of me for I was able to come up with this while I was waiting for you. Soonyoung Kwon, mahal na mahal kita. Again, maraming salamat po sa lahat nang pumunta and I hope to see you again at my next events!" Jihoon mentions as he bows down and goes off stage to welcome the warm embrace waiting for him as he opens his dressing room's door.
"I love you more, Ji. I am so very proud of you." Soonyoung said and buried his neck on his husband's neck, in which Jihoon hugged with all his might.
After all, Jihoon's hunch is still working.
That even after 5 years of not meeting.
Despite the losses they've had and the sacrifices they need to make.
And amidst the pain of missing each other, the conclusion Jihoon wrote for Heaven's cloud is right all along.
It took Jihoon 27 years before finally realizing that indeed, love is true.
For his case, it is disguised in the wings and things that he never expected too.
"I love you so much, angel." Jihoon replies and returns the embrace he received.
And for as long as they live, they would still be choosing each other in a heartbeat.