Chapter Text
It’s bright. Really bright. Where… where was he? He opened his eyes and looked around, scooting into a corner.
“Hi.” A guy in front of him said. He seemed older.
“I’m Logic. Technically, I’m only two years old since Thomas is two years old but I present as an adult to make my life easier. Who are you?” The guy asked.
“Who’s Thomas?” He asked and Logic sighed.
“We are his sides. We help him work life out. I am his basic logic. Like breathing. I am also helping him learn to talk. I stand for his inner thoughts and brain as well. My actual name is Logan so you may call me that.”
“How old are you?”
“Again, technically I’m only as old as Thomas. But ages don’t work like that in the Mindscape. Whatever age you're formed as is the age you're seen as and are. But you can also present younger. Currently, I’m 32. But when Thomas gets that old and I don’t want to be much older, I can always just present as a 32 year old. Understand?”
“Woah.” Deceit said while he nodded.
“What’s your trait? If you don’t mind sharing.”
“Deceit. I think.” Deceit said and Logan nodded. He held out his hand.
“Well there’s no need to worry, Deceit. I’ll help you.” He said. Deceit nodded and took the hand Logan was offering, pulling himself up.
“How old are you, little one?” Logan asked.
“Four.” Deceit said, jumping a bit as Logan led him into a big castle.
“WOAH!” Deceit gasped and Logan laughed a bit.
“I thought it’d be cool to live in a castle so I created it.” Logan said and Deceit gasped again.
“This looks so cool!”
“What’s your name?” Logan asked and Deceit rocked back and forth on his feet.
“I don’t have one.”
“Do you want one?”
“Yes!”
“Okay. How about… Janus?”
“Janus?”
“Yes. Janus is the name of a two-faced Roman god. Not that you are two-faced, I just think it fits.”
“I like it! Just don’t tell anybody else it! I wanna be mysterious.”
“Well we’re the only two right now but when more arrive, I promise not to.” Logan said and kissed Janus’ head. Janus smiled and tugged Logan’s arm.
“Look I’m a snake!” He said, sticking out his forked tongue and showing his scaled side.
“Very cool.” Logan smiled.
“Thanks! What was your name again?”
“Logan. But if you want, you can call me Dad.” Logan said and Janus smiled even bigger.
“Okay, Daddy!” Janus said, jumping up onto a step.
“Careful. Take my hand and I’ll show you around the castle.” Janus reached up and grabbed the hand Logan was offering. Janus followed Logan all around the huge castle. It was very white. And prim and proper. It looked cool. Logan soon brought him to a room.
“This room just formed, meaning it’s yours. It’s how I knew where to meet you.” Logan said. Janus pushed open the door and gasped.
“Woah!” He jumped onto his big warm bed, abandoning that the moment he laid his eyes upon the heating rock. He curled around it and happily hissed. Logan smiled and walked over to him.
“I know this is cool and all but I don’t want you on your own and I have some work to do.”
“Awww okay.”
“Come on, little one. We’ll get you a snack too.”
~~
“Logan was your dad? And he named you?” Remus asked.
“Shut up he wasn’t done with the story!” Roman huffed. Remus stuck his tongue out and shoved Roman.
“Oh you-” Then they both started hitting each other.
“Boys! Just let Jan finish the story.” Patton said.
“Sorry Papa.” Roman huffed.
“Thank you, Patton.” Janus said and cleared his throat.
“So, then Patton was formed.”
~~
“Dad! There’s a new room!” Janus exclaimed, opening Logan’s door. Logan stood up and walked out.
“Let’s go meet the new side.” Logan said, picking Janus up. Janus was six now. Technically two but that’s not how ages worked in the Mindscape. Janus rested his head on Logan’s shoulder, trying to contain his excitement. Logan walked him over to a dock. It extended into a lake that had fog over it. This is where other sides were formed.
“Where is the new side?” Janus asked, looking at the gazebo. They normally formed on the bench. He heard a splash in the water and then a yell. Logan basically dropped him and ran over to the lake. Janus hit his head on a rock and started crying. He looked over to the lake with eyes full of tears and saw Logan holding a side in his arms. The side was soaking wet, as was Logan, and coughing up water. Logan brought the side over and sat him next to Janus, sitting Janus up and pulling him into his arms.
“Daddy made me hit my head.” Janus sobbed, hugging Logan tightly.
“I know and I’m very sorry, little one. I just needed to make sure the new side didn’t drown.” Logan whispered, combing his wet fingers through Janus’ hair. Janus turned around to see the other side staring at them. When he made eye contact with Janus he yelped.
“Snake.” The side whimpered.
“You look like a frog.” Janus huffed.
“I am a frog. Snakes are bad.”
“No.”
“Yes they are.”
“Okay okay. What’s your trait, little one?” Logan asked. Janus furrowed his eyebrows. That was Logan’s nickname for Janus . Not for this side.
“Morality.” The side said, wringing out his cardigan.
“Hello Morality. I’m Logic, or Logan. What’s your name, if you don’t mind sharing?” Logan asked.
“Hi Logan. I’m Patton.” Morality said.
“Who’s he?” He asked, pointing to Janus.
“This is Deceit. He’s not comfortable with you knowing his name.” Logan said. Patton frowned.
“Deceit isn’t good.”
“What?” Janus asked, his voice filling with sorrow.
“Lying is bad! And we don’t want uh, whoever our host is it be bad!” Patton huffed.
“Thomas. His name is Thomas.” Logan said.
“Okay. Well we don’t want Thomas to be bad! Shouldn’t you be a dark side?” Patton questioned.
“I suppose he technically is supposed to be a dark side, though I never thought it mattered.” Logan said. Janus clung to Logan’s arm with a sniffle.
“Oh Patton, how old are you?” Logan asked.
“I’m 14!” Patton smiled.
“But I really think Deceit should be a dark side.” He added.
“Daddy, what's a dark side?” Janus asked and Logan looked at him.
“They’re the parts of a person that aren’t seen as good traits. Like anger, manipulation… lying.” Logan explained.
“Like when you made Thomas lie about breaking that vase, it was bad. He needs to be honest.”
“But-”
“No buts! Deceit is a bad trait!” Patton huffed. Janus turned around to look at Logan but saw a big, black castle behind him. It mimicked the white castle he currently lived in but it looked dead and decayed. Janus looked up at Logan who softly kissed his forehead.
“You’ll be okay, little one.” Logan said. Though he held onto Janus tightly. He clearly didn’t want to leave him. Patton took Janus from Logan’s arms with ease and brought him over to the castle, causing Janus to start screaming and crying. He looked over Logan’s shoulder and saw tears starting to roll down the older side's face. Janus gave Patton a big kick only for Patton to pull him away and open the castle door. He was placed inside the big living room of the creepy castle then was left all alone in the dark once the doors were closed. That’s when Janus felt his life ended.
~~
“Wow Patt you were an asshole.” Roman chimed in.
“I was young!” Patton huffed.
“He wasn’t done with the story.” Remus said in a mocking tone and Roman glared at him.
“I was just saying.” Roman huffed.
“And I was-” Remus started but Roman hit the back of his head.
“OW!”
“Boys! Can I please finish the story?” Janus asked.
“Sorry Jan.” Roman sighed.
“Yeah yeah whatever.” Remus huffed, flopping onto his back.
“Thank you.”
~~
Janus had to learn how to take care of himself. He was pretty good at that. Well, with his physical health at least. Janus hummed to himself as he picked up his room, something he did on the daily. He glanced at himself in the mirror, making eye contact with his golden snake eye. He quickly looked down and carried on with his sweeping. At 12 you normally struggled with confidence issues but it was harder for Janus. A new side had also been formed. Creativity. He thinks his name was King. But he was considered a light side. Patton told him to stay away from Janus.
“Deceit!” A voice called from the living room downstairs. Sound traveled well in a chillingly empty castle. Janus growled and walked downstairs.
“And what do you want, Patton?” Janus asked, gripping his broom.
“Logie asked me to make sure you were okay!” Patton smiled.
“I’m fine. Now get out.”
“That’s mean!”
“You know what else is mean? Kicking somebody out of their home and making them start a completely different life all because
you
thought they needed to.” Janus hissed. Patton gave a confused look. Janus hated that stupid innocent act he had going.
“Anyway, Logan also wanted me to make sure you were eating. And it’s painfully obvious you haven’t been.” Janus looked down at his skeletal figure that he hated more than anything. His creepy look just made him look more like a villain.
“He didn’t really ask you, did he? You just wanted to come and taunt me. Make me look like a fool. Make me feel like I’m more worthless than I already feel? Tell me that I’m nothing but a villain?” Janus asked and Patton gave him another innocent look.
“Why would I do that?” Patton asked with a giggle.
“Get out. Tell Logan I’d rather drown than tell him how I am.” He said and Patton whimpered. He hated when people brought up bodies of water or drowning.
“What? Scared of water now?” Janus asked and Patton stormed out of the castle. Janus rolled his eyes and walked back to his room.
“Deceit?” A voice called a few minutes later. He was about to yell until he realized he didn’t recognize this voice. Janus walked downstairs to see a side decked out in grey and rainbow.
“Um… hello?” Janus asked.
“Hi! I’m King Creativity!” The side exclaimed.
“Thought you weren’t supposed to talk to me?”
“Oh I’m here to yell at you.”
“Because you're
so
good at that. I mean, you’re
so clearly mad
.”
“Yeaaaah. Not good at yelling at people. But let me try.”
“Okay?”
“How dare you bring up water around Patton! So mean!” Janus stared at the side with a blank expression.
“Did I do good?”
“Look, even if you were good at yelling, I’m numb to it. I couldn’t tell you how many years Morality has been coming here just to guilt trip me and yell.” Janus said, setting his broom down.
“Wow. I didn’t think he’d do that.”
“Yeah well he would. But he’s just going to tell you I’m a liar. Which I am. But I’m not lying about this. But you should leave.”
“Well I kinda-”
“I said leave.” Janus said and King frowned but shuffled out of the castle. Janus sighed and grabbed a book from his bookshelf, sitting down on the couch. A few minutes later, the door started to open and Janus screamed in a rage, throwing his book across the room. Was Patton really trying this again?
“Little one?” Janus looked up at the nickname.
“Dad?” Logan slowly walked into the living room.
“Are you alright?”
“I’m tired of you light sides visiting! I know I’m worthless just fucking leave it at that and stop trying to rub it in or pity me!” Janus yelled then immediately regretted it.
“I’m sorry Dad I didn’t mean-”
“Do you think you’re worthless?” Logan asked, walking over to the couch. Janus looked up at the ceiling, watching as a spider continued to weave its web.
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“Morality said so.”
“What exactly?”
“That I’m a worthless villain who couldn’t stop lying if he tried.”
“Maybe he was right.”
“What?”
“Morality would never say that. You’re clearly lying.” Janus dug his fingernails into his palm.
“Go away.”
“Janus I’m your father I’m not-”
“And a pretty shitty one if you’re siding with Morality on this! What type of father are you if you won’t even hear me out! I don’t lie all the time!”
“Well you always lied to me.”
“No I didn’t!”
“Janus stop yelling.” Janus bit his tongue so hard it started to bleed. He did have rather pointy teeth though. He grabbed the closest thing near him and threw it at a wall. It happened to be a glass vase. A replica of the one Thomas had broke and Janus had lied about. He stared at the shattered glass while taking deep but shaky breaths.
“Janus.” Logan placed his hand on Janus’ shoulder, the latter slapping it away.
“I don’t know why you still act like you care. Why would you? I’m a monster. And I look like one too.” Janus muttered.
“Janus you aren’t-”
“Can you please just leave? I don’t want to talk to you.” Janus said, scooting away from Logan and curling into a ball. He started scratching at his scales. He did that. One time he had tried peeling them off but that had hurt like hell and left a nasty scar. So he resorted to scratching them, like it would make them fall off. But the worst thing about his scales is that they were spreading. They used to only be on his face but now they littered his neck too.
“Stop scratching them.”
“Oh my god go away! I never want to see or talk to you again!” Janus yelled. Logan walked over and picked up the book Janus had thrown.
“I was reading that.”
“And you can continue to read it when you calm down. Once you’re okay, come to the light side’s castle. We need to talk.” Logan said, completely ignoring what Janus had said, and walked away with the book. That was Janus’ favorite book. And he never saw it again. Because he never dared step foot into that stupid white castle.
~~
Janus stared at the big TV screen in front of him, holding the new side in his arms like his life depended on it.
“How did he form again?” King asked from beside him. Janus turned to him.
“It literally happened two minutes ago and you watched it.”
“Yeah but I couldn’t really tell.” Janus sighed and ran a hand through his soaked hair.
“I was sitting in my garden reading and suddenly it started storming. The side was on a storm cloud about to either fall or get struck by lightning. So I climbed onto a tree, got struck by lightning, then caught the side as he fell. Now I’m trying to get him to stop crying so I can figure out what his trait is. Not that he can tell me.” Janus explained.
“That’s why the tree was on fire.” King said and Janus sighed, rocking the little side in his arms. He soon got him to stop crying and looked into his stormy grey eyes.
“Now what’s your trait?” Janus asked himself. He sighed and set the side on his lap so he was sitting. He noticed something sticking out of the pocket of the side’s skeleton onesie. He pulled it out. It was a plank of bark. Burnt bark. Haha. Janus flipped it around to see a word engraved in it.
“Paranoia. Are you Paranoia?” Janus asked and the side babbled at the word, as if it was his name. That meant he didn’t have a name. Great. Another thing for Janus to do.
“I gotta go back to the palace for dinner but I’ll stop by tomorrow. Bye!” King smiled, grabbing his bag and running off.
“Bye…” Janus mumbled. He stared at Paranoia for what felt like hours. Soon the side started crying again. He didn’t know what to do, he was 13 years old for hell’s sake. There was only one thing he could do. But he’d refuse to do it for a week.
“So there’s a new side but he’s a baby and you’re not sure what to do so you texted me even though you said you never wanted to talk to me again? And you waited until he did something you really didn’t know how to take care of to call me?” Logan asked. Janus looked to the floor.
“Janus I need you to answer me. Or do you really not want to see and/or talk to me again?” Logan asked. Janus held Paranoia close to his face and kissed his head, holding him as if he were a stuffed animal. Not tightly, just protectively. Paranoia wriggled in Janus’ hold, hitting his face with a stuffed bear that had been in Paranoia’s room. Logan sighed and took Paranoia from Janus.
“You’re not holding him right. Hold him like this.” Logan demonstrated and Janus looked up only enough to see how Logan was holding him.
“You try.” Janus took Paranoia back, trying to hold him the way Logan just was.
“Support his head.” Janus moved his hand up and smiled softly when Paranoia smiled at him, biting on his bear’s ear.
“Good. Now what’s his trait.”
“Paranoia.” Janus whispered.
“Paranoia?” Logan asked and Janus nodded.
“Now I have another question for you. How do you expect to take care of him if you can’t take care of yourself?” Janus looked up at that, offended he’d say that.
“I can take care of myself!” Janus huffed and Logan sighed.
“Oh really?” Logan asked and guestered to Janus’ scaled side. It had grown red and bloody, Janus having sat for hours scratching at it. That had been the reason Janus wouldn’t look up.
“It’s a shock that Paranoia isn’t screaming at it. Because this way, you do look like a monster.” Janus’ heart sank down to his stomach at that.
“Will you let me clean it up?” Logan asked.
“I can do it.” Janus mumbled, setting Paranoia down on the counter. Logan immediately picked him up.
“Don’t do that.”
“He likes the counter.” Janus mumbled, walking to the bathroom to get a first aid kit. He walked back out to the kitchen and sat at the table.
“Have you been eating?” Logan asked, bouncing Paranoia in his arms. Janus washed his face with a wet washcloth, sighing at the question.
“I’ve been feeding Paranoia.” Janus mumbled.
“What exactly?”
“King gets baby food from the Imagination for me.”
“And what have you been eating?” Janus stayed silent.
“Janus?”
“Rats.”
“What?”
“That’s what I’ve been eating. This castle gets pretty gross so rats hang out here and well… I am a snake.”
“That’s disgusting on many levels. You should still be eating regular food at least in addition. Like Patton eats flies but he also eats actual food.” Logan scolded.
“Besides that means you’re only eating whenever a rat crosses your path.” Janus rolled his eyes. He put a bandage over the spot he had picked off scales from and turned to Logan.
“There. Happy? Now I look like a monster without blood.” Janus sighed. Paranoia made grabby hands at Janus and Logan handed the baby to said side. Paranoia snuggled into Janus' sweater. He still hadn’t picked out an outfit yet but he had ideas. Janus stared at Paranoia as he fell asleep. If he was still a light side, this would be so much easier.
“Can you come for dinner tonight? Bring Paranoia. We’ll talk and I’ll give you your book back. You can stay the night if you want.” Logan said. Janus brushed Paranoia’s hair out of his face.
“I’m okay.”
“Well you still don’t know how to take care of a baby and he really shouldn’t be living in these conditions. Maybe it would be better if we took-”
“NO!” Janus snapped. He was panicking. He didn’t want Paranoia to be taken from him.
“I’m sorry?”
“Paranoia gives me a reason to keep trying. You aren’t taking him from me.”
“Okay but he shouldn’t be-”
“Nobody should be living in this castle! It’s rotting and dead! But I live in it! And you know who invented this castle? Morality! Because he thinks I’m worth decaying wood and black mold.” Janus hissed. It’s a miracle Paranoia didn’t wake up.
“Alright you’re coming over for dinner whether you like it or not.” Logan said, grabbing Janus’ arm.
“Wha-” Logan sunk down, bringing Janus with him. Janus’ head swirled when he rose up, holding Paranoia tightly. He leaned against the wall so he didn’t fall.
“Woah. I don’t- I don’t do that whole rising up thing. Ugh. I’m lightheaded now.” Janus mumbled, closing his eyes.
“What’s Deceit doing here, Lo?” Patton asked from the couch.
“He’s staying for dinner.” Logan said, leading Janus to the couch. Janus sat down, as far away from Patton as possible.
“Awww who’s that?” Patton squealed. Janus glared at Patton.
“My son.” Janus quickly responded.
“You’re 13?”
“And I was traumatized as a kid. Anything can happen in the Mindscape. He was formed okay? Calm your tits.” Janus said, holding Paranoia tightly. Paranoia opened his eyes, tugging on Janus’ sleeve.
“Yes, Storm Cloud?” Paranoia just babbled and Janus smiled softly. Maybe taking care of him wouldn’t be awful.
~~
“Awwwwww~” Virgil teased.
“Oh my god Virgil shut up and let me finish.” Janus huffed. Virgil snorted and hugged Janus from the side.
“Anyway.” Janus sighed.
~~
“Dad! Look!” Virgil ran over to Janus, holding something up to him.
“What is it?”
“Remus summoned me a toy dino!!” Virgil exclaimed, attempting to roar though he only ended up saying the word. Janus smiled and picked Virgil up.
“Woah, that's so cool. What kind is it?”
“A t-rex! It even has feathers! It’s accurate!” Virgil said, bouncing with excitement in Janus’ lap.
“Did you know a t-rex could eat a whole adult! Very easily!”
“Oh so it could chomp grandpa really easily?” Janus asked and Virgil nodded.
“This is Nonno and this is a t-rex.” Virgil said, grabbing his fist with his other hand. He roared again, giggling when Janus started clapping. Janus had decided a few years ago that he needed to present older so it was easier to hold Virgil so he presented as a 21 year old. Yeah ages were fucked in the Mindscape.
“Can we have pizza for dinner?” Virgil asked and Janus laughed.
“If you and Remus can agree on a topping, I’ll make some pizza.” Janus said. Virgil gasped and summoned Remus. Remus was surrounded by crayons, paint, markers, and paper. He had green paint all over his hands and arms and had a mustache made from marker on his face.
“Oh Remus.” Janus sighed, moving Virgil onto the couch. He scooped Remus up who was trying to eat a handful of paint. Janus pulled his hand away from his face.
“Hi Dada!” Remus grinned, his big green eyes sparkling.
“What pizza topping do you want?”
“Ummm… Veggie pizza?” Remus asked, attempting to eat the paint once more.
“Virgil is that okay?”
“Yes!” Virgil grinned.
“Okay. You can watch some TV, I need to go clean Remus up.” Janus said and Remus immediately started squirming.
“NO!” He whined and Janus held him tightly, bringing him to one of the bathrooms. Once Remus was set down he tried to run away but Janus pulled him over by the arm.
“It’s not gonna be that bad bud.” Janus sighed, having Remus wash the paint off his hands. He started to run a bath, adding some bubbles in it since he knew Remus would refuse the bath if there were no bubbles. Remus crossed his arms and sat on the floor.
“Papi never made you take baths.” Remus huffed.
“Yes he did. But I liked baths.” Janus said, standing Remus up and unbuttoning his overalls.
“I can undress myself!” Remus protested.
“Go ahead then.” Janus said, turning back to the bathtub to make sure the water was warm enough. He went to turn around but Remus jumped into the tub, splashing water everywhere.
“Do that again, and you’re grounded.” Janus sighed, wiping his face dry with a towel.
~~
“You were chaotic.” Logan commented, walking into the room.
“Were? I still am!” Remus grinned. Janus glanced at Logan. They still weren’t on the best of terms.
“Yes yes you are. May I proceed?” Janus asked.
“Yeah sorry Dad. Papi interrupted you this time though! Remember that!”
“Why do you guys call him Nonno and Papi?” Roman asked Virgil and Remus.
“Well he’s the dad of the person we call dad. Or called.” Virgil said.
“So he’s our grandpa.” Remus added.
“Ew Logan’s old.” Roman said and Logan glared at him as he sat down with his book.
“Shut up, Roman.” Logan said, opening a book. Janus rolled his eyes.
“You know what, maybe I’ll continue this story another time.” He said.
“Noooo! Finish it!” Remus whined.
“Eh everyone keeps getting distracted so and we’ve been here awhile. Besides, not so sure I want to visit all my past trauma in one day.” Janus laughed.
“Boooo Nonno ruined it.” Virgil teased Logan and Logan flicked his forehead.
“Don’t hit my kids.” Janus said, closing the big black book as he stood up.
“Jan! Cookies?” Patton asked and Janus laughed.
“Sure, let's go bake some cookies.”